3RingCircus Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Just had to share. I'm so hurt and angry. The other night a person that I know fairly well, asked me why in the world would I homeschool when I can send my kids to school, in front of a bunch of other ladies of course. I felt just a LITTLE attacked and responded with the fact that I love to teach, I think I can do a bit better than our public schools here, and I LIKE being with my children. I guess I touched a nerve because four days later, she puts a post on FB about moms that homeschool and she just doesn't understand the logic. This coming from a woman that had to pull her son from the 9th grade and homeschool him just so he would make it into tenth!!!! BTW, she used to be a teacher. Suddenly, post after post shows up in response to hers and someone said, "Anyone who homeschools should have their head examined. If you don't like your public school either change it, put them in private school, or move. Don't keep your kids from everything that school has to offer!" And yes, those are quotes so that is exactly what she said. Others were a little less cruel but most held the same message. I don't know these people, but it really cut to the core of who I am as a mother and a teacher and I haven't been able to shake the hurt. I wanted to respond with a lashing of my own but I know that would have only added fuel to the fire. I don't bash families who put their kids in school. I believe that we are NOT cookie cutter families and that what works for one family wouldn't work for another. Why can't other people see it the same way???? And heck, there may be a time when I DO put my kids into school, but that time isn't now and I think I should be supported instead of thrown to the wolves. I'm thinking of unfriending this person on FB, but she's friends with some of my other friends including my aunt, and even lives next door to her! It just puts me in a weird place. But I'm so MAD!! Thanks to anyone who puts up with this long post and understands. First time I've ever posted, BTW!! I guess this is what it took so there's a positive side to everything! :tongue_smilie: _______________________________ Tracy DS 10 DD 7 DD 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obsidian Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 First of all, congrats on your very first post! Personally, I would not respond at all to your friend's post on FB. You would be inviting an argument. I would either unfriend her or just ignore her rants. Now at least you know how she really feels. There are some really ignorant people out there. They aren't worth responding to. God BLess, Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IdahoMtnMom Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 ((((((hugs)))))) I have had FB "friends" make little snippets I know are geared towards me and 3 other friends of mine that homeschool. It stinks. I try and never let it get to me.... but it still smarts sometimes. You can always FB friend me (send me a private message on here) and I will have your back, lol :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I would uf...just because I wouldn't want to have any contact with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virg Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I would un-Friend her just because no one needs that in their life and she is obviously not a true "friend." She knew you could see the status. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Ugh, that sucks! :grouphug: I'm having a similar issue on another board I visit right now. I'm just hanging out here where people are crazy like me! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Just because you see her as an acquaintance does not mean you have to keep her as a FB friend. Is she adding anything positive to your life? I would either unfriend her (and she'll know why) or block her, which allows you to keep her as a friend but not see her updates. Don't look at conversations that only hurt your feelings. Life is too short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Your so-called friend is a passive-aggressive twerp. Unfriend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 This is exactly what I would reply to the comment thread: I don't bash families who put their kids in school. I believe that we are NOT cookie cutter families and that what works for one family wouldn't work for another. And then that would be all. Personally, I would unfriend her, because I feel no need to call someone a "friend" if they don't mind abusing my choices publicly. If she ever works up the nerve to say, "Hey, did you unfriend me on FB?" I would say, "Yes. I don't have FB friends who abuse my educational choices publicly." I was attacked by a family member in person, before there was such a thing as FB and I "unfriended" her for real. She eventually ate her own words, though, because she pulled her kids out of school (for a little while). This sort of thing is a big part of why I don't do much on FB anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Homeschooling is not for everybody. Those for whom homeschooling is not a good idea truly don't understand why we do it. It really is okay. They don't need to understand. They aren't responsible for your children, you are. You are doing what is best for your family. Whether they recoginze that or not really doesn't change anything for you. I know it's hard, but try to just ignore it. It isn't worth the emotional energy. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 unfriend, maybe even block Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3RingCircus Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Thanks to all of you, even posters after this. I'm so glad we have such an awesome network of people to lean on and learn from. I'm feeling better already!!! I WILL have to decide what to do with this person from a FB standpoint, and I DO know I will see her again and there will be questions and conflict, but I think that cat is already out of the bag so who cares?? ____________________ Tracy DS10 DD7 DD6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AprilTN Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I would unfriend her. Homeschooling is hard enough without having to hear things like that from so called friends. I haven't received a negative comment about homeschooling in years, (so I'm sure I'm overdue one) but my standard answer is "Wow, all I ever hear are positive comments from others when they find out I homeschool. I'm really surprised that in this day and age anyone would still think that way." :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hypatia. Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I would unfriend and then, if the subject comes up when you see her again, pull out the "this is what works for our family". Subtly emphase the word our to show that her opinions don't impact your family's decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Your so-called friend is a passive-aggressive twerp. Unfriend. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 First off I couldn't read and run so *hugs* Secondly, I get this kind of attitude from my MIL and FIL. My MIL was an elementary school teacher (gifted and special education) and my FIL can't understand why I would use someone else's curriculum to teach my kid and isn't that the same thing as putting dd in school. I understand, it's frustrating. You handled yourself well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 (edited) Yep, unfriendly her. That is not a real friend, and you don't need to subject yourself to snotty passive aggressive negative attitudes from people who can't be supportive of you even if they disagree with your choice. I'd send her an email or message first letting her know you are doing so because you don't have time or energy for people who go out of their way to put you down because of your personal choice to Homeschool and you wish her and her family the best. See ya! This will prevent awkward questions when you see her again- she will already know what's up. Edited October 5, 2011 by NanceXToo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Jo Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I would unfriend too....but not right away. I like to make people think it doesn't matter to me what they think and really it shouldn't matter what they think anyways. I wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking that she had upset me. Then down the road I would unfriend her when I remembered again...for now I would just hide her. :lol: :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Your so-called friend is a passive-aggressive twerp. Unfriend. :iagree: Why keep someone who deliberately tried to hurt your feelings or provoke you as a "friend"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 You can't fix stupid. Unfriend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett_ashley Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 In my experience this type is feeling insecure about her own schooling choices, and it makes her feel better about herself and her decisions to badmouth those of others. I personally would not unfriend, because I used to feel this way too. If all of my homeschooling friends "unfriended me" I wouldnt be homeschooling today. Hide, maybe, if I found myself dwelling on it. But honestly there are lots of people thinking those things (obviously from the comment thread), so I don't punish them for expressing them "out loud.". Certainly she could have expressed her opinions in a more civil way, but I'm not her mom so I don't get to teach her manners. Just my two cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3RingCircus Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Okay, I'm going to unfriend. This will be interesting!! I really commend people who homeschooled back when there wasn't this kind of support. Talk about not letting your feathers get ruffled!!! ____________________ Tracy DS 10 DD 7 DD 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 :grouphug: and hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I would have probably given her a 1 word response like, "classy." Followed by a prompt unfriending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy2BaMom Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 It was the right move to unfriend her. Protect your boundaries and do not apologize or feel bad for doing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 In my experience this type is feeling insecure about her own schooling choices, and it makes her feel better about herself and her decisions to badmouth those of others. I personally would not unfriend, because I used to feel this way too. If all of my homeschooling friends "unfriended me" I wouldnt be homeschooling today. Hide, maybe, if I found myself dwelling on it. But honestly there are lots of people thinking those things (obviously from the comment thread), so I don't punish them for expressing them "out loud.". Certainly she could have expressed her opinions in a more civil way, but I'm not her mom so I don't get to teach her manners. Just my two cents. Sure, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with her lack of manners either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 See, I knew our society was gonna have problems when we collectively allowed Facebook to redefine the word "friend" to mean, "someone whose name you recognize" instead of "someone who likes you that you also like." :grouphug: Sorry that happened to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tammyw Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I'm about the least confrontational person around, but I would definitely have had to send a private message to that "friend". That kind of passive-aggressive BS is just pathetic. I would want to confront the issue head on, especially because it sounds like this is someone you see in person occasionally. Also, if I didn't deal with it on some level, I'd boil over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Honestly? I think she s a coward that had an opinion and was afraid to actually tell you because you were to smart and would poke holes in any logic she attempted to use. She went on to FB and vented there in order to validate how she felt. She got that. Ignorance isn't bliss and she is purposefully being ignorant... which is to say she is being stupid. I would have unfriended her in a heartbeat and carried on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inmyopinion Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I would unfriend her. Homeschooling is hard enough without having to hear things like that from so called friends. I haven't received a negative comment about homeschooling in years, (so I'm sure I'm overdue one) but my standard answer is "Wow, all I ever hear are positive comments from others when they find out I homeschool. I'm really surprised that in this day and age anyone would still think that way." :D :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msk Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I'm probably going to regret posting this, but you did ask... It's POSSIBLE (and I really don't know) that she felt hurt if you worded your response in the conversation the way it's typed here: the "I LIKE being with my children" part. As a working mom myself, I am sometimes sensitive when I feel as though stay-at-home parents are implying that my working means I must not love my kids as much as they love theirs. I am sure that is not at all what you meant, but I've talked with some people (both here and IRL) who really do feel that way. If you put the emphasis on "LIKE" in that particular way and she was feeling a little sensitive already, she may have misunderstood you and thought you were implying that parents who LIKE their kids ought to stay home with them and/or home school them. That misunderstanding may have bugged her until it spilled over into her rude post on Facebook. I could be totally wrong about this, it's just a guess from someone who obviously knows nothing about your situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks to all of you, even posters after this. I'm so glad we have such an awesome network of people to lean on and learn from. I'm feeling better already!!! I WILL have to decide what to do with this person from a FB standpoint, and I DO know I will see her again and there will be questions and conflict, but I think that cat is already out of the bag so who cares?? "Ladies don't start fights, but they can finish them." -Marie, Aristocats Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) See, I knew our society was gonna have problems when we collectively allowed Facebook to redefine the word "friend" to mean, "someone whose name you recognize" instead of "someone who likes you that you also like." I agree with this. I have a facebook account and can honestly tell you that only about 2% of the people who are my "friends" are actually my friends. To the OP, you did the right thing unfriending her. You have just taken the first step on the "pass the bean dip\negative people don't have a place in my life" home schooling road. You won't be alone on your journey though because I believe most of us here are on the same path. I promise you that the support you get here will outweigh and outshine the pathetic attempts at tearing you down you experience out IRL.:grouphug: Edited October 6, 2011 by 5LittleMonkeys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 ((((((hugs)))))) I have had FB "friends" make little snippets I know are geared towards me and 3 other friends of mine that homeschool. It stinks. I try and never let it get to me.... but it still smarts sometimes. You can always FB friend me (send me a private message on here) and I will have your back, lol :-) Yeah that. I love a good FB scrap:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Waaaayyy toxic. Unfriend her - you don't need that in your life. Come and chat here instead :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 "Because children in school can pick up bad manners if they're not careful. And they tend to be contagious." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I would un-Friend her just because no one needs that in their life and she is obviously not a true "friend." She knew you could see the status. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Your so-called friend is a passive-aggressive twerp. Unfriend. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3RingCircus Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) I'm probably going to regret posting this, but you did ask... It's POSSIBLE (and I really don't know) that she felt hurt if you worded your response in the conversation the way it's typed here: the "I LIKE being with my children" part. As a working mom myself, I am sometimes sensitive when I feel as though stay-at-home parents are implying that my working means I must not love my kids as much as they love theirs. I am sure that is not at all what you meant, but I've talked with some people (both here and IRL) who really do feel that way. If you put the emphasis on "LIKE" in that particular way and she was feeling a little sensitive already, she may have misunderstood you and thought you were implying that parents who LIKE their kids ought to stay home with them and/or home school them. That misunderstanding may have bugged her until it spilled over into her rude post on Facebook. I could be totally wrong about this, it's just a guess from someone who obviously knows nothing about your situation. Don't regret posting this. It's good stuff to chew on. When she asked me why I would want to homeschool, part of the conversation turned to the fact that she can't wait to get her kids out of the house so she can have her relax time, and that I'm nuts for not wanting to do the same. That, along with the looks and then drilling me about what curriculum I use (remember, she used to teach), just put me over the edge and I probably did put more gusto into the word "like" than I normally would have. I am NOT a confrontational person and to be honest, I'm surprised that I stood up for my choices the way I did. She's known me almost seven years and maybe the forcefulness of my reply really took her off guard and did put her on the defensive. I'll have to really think about this because if I'm wrong about something, I do like to apologize. But I'm still not happy with the person that said moms who homeschool need to have their heads examined. :glare: Edited October 6, 2011 by 3RingCircus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 If not for the mutual friend drama issue, I would unfriend her. If you are worried about the mutual friend drama issue, then I would HIDE her, and I would also block her from seeing most of my own posts/stuff. That way, her nonsense won't turn up in your newsfeed, and your won't turn up in hers either. Even if she comes to your wall, it would/could look blank to her. That's how I handled someone I really wanted to unfriend, but for complicated reasons did not want to actually unfriend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3RingCircus Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 In my experience this type is feeling insecure about her own schooling choices, and it makes her feel better about herself and her decisions to badmouth those of others. I personally would not unfriend, because I used to feel this way too. If all of my homeschooling friends "unfriended me" I wouldnt be homeschooling today. Hide, maybe, if I found myself dwelling on it. But honestly there are lots of people thinking those things (obviously from the comment thread), so I don't punish them for expressing them "out loud.". Certainly she could have expressed her opinions in a more civil way, but I'm not her mom so I don't get to teach her manners. Just my two cents. Thank you for giving me your opinion and for being open about how you used to feel. I'll be giving this some serious thought too!! Maybe I'll just unsubcribe to her comments. I THINK that's what you do now. I don't know anymore. Facebook has gotten pretty confusing for me.:blink: ________________________ Tracy DS 10 DD 7 DD 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 "I have to homeschool my kids so that your kids will have someone to work for." Just kidding. I wouldn't write that. Most everything posted on Facebook is stupid. I have a lot of incredibly smart people in my feed on Facebook, and even among those people, nearly all that is posted is stupid. So it goes. That's Facebook. I'd ignore it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3Blessings Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It is this kind of nonsense that has sent me packing from FB. I don't do it, don't answer my email requests for "notifications pending", and I don't feel like I'm missing something either. It has become much less about "keeping in touch" and much more about one-upping everyone else, kwim? Sorry that this happened to you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lejardin Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It is this kind of nonsense that has sent me packing from FB. I don't do it, don't answer my email requests for "notifications pending", and I don't feel like I'm missing something either. It has become much less about "keeping in touch" and much more about one-upping everyone else, kwim? Sorry that this happened to you. :grouphug: :iagree:especially with the bolded part. FB gets very few visits from me because of this. I do have some "friends" who use it positively and those I enjoy when I do visit. "Because nice matters" :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug: Defriending and Ignore buttons are your friends. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMom2One Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I've been hs'ing my dd for the past five years and things like this don't even phase me anymore. Some people tried to talk down to us early on, but I just stayed focused on what I knew was best for my child and brushed it all aside. After a while, the comments did die down. In fact, in the past year I've had several folks tell me how much they admire and respect my dedication in educating my own child. It's always nice to get validation like that, but truly - I care more about what my child needs than about what others think. At the end of the day it won't matter in the least what anyone else thought about how I raised and educated her. Knowing that I did my best and that she's becoming a delightful young woman matters more than anything. Blessings, Lucinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Bless your heart, I am so sorry. Mean people suck and that's the truth. I know it hurts but don't let it get to you too much. Ignorance makes people say stupid things. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trresh Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I don't bash families who put their kids in school. I believe that we are NOT cookie cutter families and that what works for one family wouldn't work for another. Why can't other people see it the same way???? This is my question, too. Not always, but a lot of the time people, complete strangers even, feel the need to express their homeschooling concerns when they find out we homeschool. I don't give them my opinion of traditional schools when they tell me where their children attend. I wish they'd realize I don't give a **** what they think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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