Tell me I'm doing the right thing. Because I just need to hear it.

[RegularMom]

Around here, there aren't many classically-minded home schoolers. Most of the people we know well school in a very relaxed manner. In fact, I rarely discuss our schooling methods or curriculum choices because whenever I do I get lectured on how unnecessary it all is. (Yes, seriously.)

 

Now that my oldest is in 5th grade and entering the logic stage, the work is more intense. More time consuming. There are more tests. And I grade her on them and her homework. We're spending more time this year at home, getting the work done. There's more writing, and I don't consider any of it optional.

 

So, we aren't going out as much. We do a lot of extra things: karate and ballet, girl scouts, prep classes, theater classes. A couple times a month, we meet friends at a park or indoor play place. We go to the library every week, and pop into nearby art and history museums too. Our schedule is so tight it squeaks.

 

But gone are the days that we would just spontaneously drop everything to go play all afternoon at someone's house. And I rarely (if ever) sign up for large field trips organized by homeschooler groups because 1. we don't have time, 2. they can be costly and 3. it's too much like a school trip - only the behaviors get really crazy because no one knows who should be in charge of that kind of thing.

 

When we do go on field trips, we pick some close friends and make a day of it together. It's much more relaxing for me that way.

 

But what happens is that all the kids that we know from scouts and theater want to know why we don't go on ALL THE FIELD TRIPS. Then my kids feel like they're missing out, when they hear about it later. And I just keep on explaining that we can't go on EVERYTHING, even if some of their friends do. We just have too many other priorities.

 

I believe in the classical method, and I'm taking the time to educate my kids as closely as possible to that ideal. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm always the Not Fun One, the mom that makes her kids do all the math and grammar (yes, real live actual formal grammar with diagramming! GASP!!!), and rewrite that paragraph and fix the spelling errors, and no we're not skipping our regular science lesson today just because the dog got hold of a baby rabbit and we had to deal with that. Rescuing the bunny from the dog doesn't count as science for the day. Sure you can write a report on that if you like, but you still have to write your OTHER science report too.

 

Somebody tell me I'm not a terrible, slave-driving, homeschooling mother for making my kids do the work I give them.

 

Because I just need to hear it today.

[Impish]

As long as your kids are thriving and learning you're doing what's right for them. :grouphug:

[TravelingChris]

My high schooler is ice skating right now. That is because she did four subjects already and will do the rest when she comes home. The other kids she is ice skating with are more relaxed and were able to both go out for pizza for two hours and then ice skate for two more. SHe couldn't. The result is my college student is very used to working hard and is doing very well in college even though she has some memory issues. Do what you think is best.

[azmomx3]

You are doing the right thing! Your children will have the drive and self-discipline to accomplish any goal or dream that they have for themselves! Good job!!! :grouphug:

[Remudamom]

Keep it up and where've you been?

[Home'scool]

You are most definitely doing the right thing. Take it from someone who has been there, done that.

 

They rewards are HUGE when they get to the high school years and they can bang out a well written paper in less than half the time it takes other students. Or when they get the harder concepts in math and science because you laid out the groundwork.

 

It is definitely worth it, and it sounds like you are doing a lot of other things other than school work.

 

And btw, my kids did a ton of diagramming. If I had to do it over again, I would have them do even more of it. Diagramming was one of the most useful things we did for grammar.

 

Keep up the good work!

[Jean in Wisc]

We were the ones finishing the whole book, teaching grammar and Latin...doing classical.

 

The daughter who couldn't spell to save her life has a 4.0 in college. The kid who took 3 years to learn his multiplication tables and only got through AlgII in high school is a junior in mechanical engineering. The dyslexic is doing straight A work...why? Because we worked @#$%^ hard.

 

I always fit school into the day, and it was not until high school that they had to "catch up" on weekends and evenings (usually because they were in the homeschool play or another activity that took them away during school time). We didn't push as hard as some on these boards, but I challenged them and they know how to work hard and apply themselves in college.

 

Finding the homeschool that fits you and your family is tough. It makes it even harder when your friends judge you. But my kids are grateful that they know what they know. If I had to do it over, I don't think I would push any harder (esp. in elementary)--in some areas I might have loosened up. I think we did the best we could. I made the best decisions that I could based upon what I knew then.

 

Try to find the right balance for you and your family...be open to doing things other ways, but stick to you goals. I doubt that you will regret it.

 

J

[Ria]

I believe in the classical method, and I'm taking the time to educate my kids as closely as possible to that ideal. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm always the Not Fun One, the mom that makes her kids do all the math and grammar (yes, real live actual formal grammar with diagramming! GASP!!!), and rewrite that paragraph and fix the spelling errors, and no we're not skipping our regular science lesson today just because the dog got hold of a baby rabbit and we had to deal with that. Rescuing the bunny from the dog doesn't count as science for the day. Sure you can write a report on that if you like, but you still have to write your OTHER science report too.

 

Somebody tell me I'm not a terrible, slave-driving, homeschooling mother for making my kids do the work I give them.

 

Because I just need to hear it today.

 

I think you sound like one of the most admirable homeschooling moms ever. And I mean every word of that. You rock, sweetie!

[Jean in Newcastle]

You are absolutely doing the right thing. And I mean that sincerely.

[angela in ohio]

I have been there. It is threatening to people when you make a different choice. You can't let it get to you.

 

We handle field trips the same way, because we found the same thing (behaviors, etc.)

 

I am four years down the road, and it looks great from here. :D It's been worth every minute, because dc are blossoming into mature, thoughtful people.

 

It's a lonely road, but so many times in life, not following the crowd is your best bet. :grouphug:

[regentrude]

I am there as well. The other people in our homeschool group are much more relaxed, many unschoolers, nobody with academic goals like we have.

For us, school is priority and happens during the prime hours of the day, morning and early afternoon. We make one exception for a weekly homeschool playgroup that meets at noon. Other than that, we are not participating in field trips and outings during the morning. We do not do sleepovers during the school week either.

You are doing the right thing.

[creativish]

If your kids thought of you as the fun one... it would be time to start questioning your priorities:tongue_smilie:

No matter how much kids get to do there will always be some other kid that gets to do MORE... always.

 

 

Maybe you need to show your kids how school is dealt with in other countries.

 

I think your kids would agree that lives would be considered pretty "fun" compared to this...

China's children too busy for playtime (a few quotes below)

..."On average, China's children spend 8.6 hours a day at school, with some spending 12 hours a day in the classroom."

 

..."Around half of the students' parents testified that they often don't allow them to play outside as it means less study time."

 

..." As a reward for her hard work, Zhuzhu's parents let her play with her toys for one hour on Saturday and Sunday evening."

 

..."survey also reveals that when they do have spare time for play, many children are either too tired to play or have nobody to play with -- only 4 in 10 of the survey's participants claim they had friends to play with."

 

..." heavy study loads have exhausted children, more than half of the survey's participants said that what they want most is, "A good night's sleep."

 

..."In spite of persistent requests from the Ministry of Education asking parents to stop enrolling their children in extracurricular courses and requesting schools to limit homework time to one hour a night, primary and secondary schools have continued to offer after school Maths and English classes"...

[elegantlion]

We felt the same way, starting in about 5th. In the younger grades we'd spend the afternoon at a friends house, it was fun! Thankfully we moved so there was no pressure later on.

 

School is the priority to us. We have the inability to re-focus if we leave the house in the morning. As subjects get serious, free time goes down.

 

I, too, think field trips are more effective in smaller groups.

 

You're doing just fine, don't back down. :grouphug:

[Jen in PA]

You are doing what works for your family and your goals. You are teaching your kids powerful lessons about setting priorities and resisting peer pressure. Those skills will be tremendously helpful down the road.

[laundrycrisis]

In two years I hope to be doing exactly what you are doing now. I find your priorities to be inspiring !

Edited September 30, 2011 by laundrycrisis

[linguistmama]

:iagree: I also hope that our homeschooling will look a lot like what you are doing, op. It sounds like plenty of fun social activities with great academics. It's very helpful for me to read about a good balance for logic stage as a mom whose oldest is 6. :)

[FaithManor]

B.T.D.T. and I've taken a lot of flack about being the "tough" mom. But you know what? DD, our classical homeschool graduate, has completed two years of Pre-med and completed her paramedic licensing. Her lowest grade in any class was 94%, an A. Her highest was 114%. She is not stressed out and she is WAY more responsible with her time than her peers, many of whom have done poorly despite good A.C.T./S.A.T. scores, G.P.A.'s, etc. DD says that she sees they believe their fun time is top priority and then they are shocked that college is so much harder than high school. Half of her paramedic class failed out in the first 4 months.

 

You are doing your children a favor. Learning to prioritize, not extending childhood to the point of creating a future irresponsible adult, making their education and character development top dog in life, ....you just can't go wrong.

 

We do not belong to a co-op because it was too much pressure to conform to the REALLY relaxed homeschool moms' philosophies and behaviors amongst the kids were very, very poor.

 

Our children have 4-H (twice per month - rocket team and regular meeting), music lessons, and volunteer opportunities along with the occasional fun-fun time such as pizza and board games with the youth group. That's it. But, we take some incredible field trips and it's really nice to not be keeping track of other people's children while I'm touring the museum and what-not with my kids.

 

It's okay. Breathe! You are not alone. Stick to your guns and do what you know is best for your children.

 

Faith

[WishboneDawn]

I think you sound like one of the most admirable homeschooling moms ever. And I mean every word of that. You rock, sweetie!

 

:iagree: You're doing a great job!

[RegularMom]

Thanks everyone. Seriously.

 

sigh...

 

RegularDad has been out of town for 2 weeks, and I've been holding down the fort, dealing with the as-yet-still-open-and-turning-greener-each-day swimming pool, the dogs that found the baby rabbits, the cat that's needed a bath TWICE this week, the endless knocking at the door from the neighborhood kids who just never seem to BE IN SCHOOL, the constant evening chauffering everyone back and forth to their sports and activities, including one Jr. Black Belt test and one head cold, and all this on top of plain old regular classical Homeschooling...

 

and I'm just dead on my feet tired today.

 

And when my 11yo said her friend texted her and asked if we were going on the big field trip today, I was all: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

 

(in my head)

 

So, here I sit, debating the merits of going downstairs to do some dishes.

 

Oh, and while I was typing all this, some kid was knocking at the door. Just constant soft knocking. But I ignored it, because my 8yo was ALREADY OUTSIDE PLAYING ALREADY, so I ignored it and just kept on typing. But of course, the reason the kid was knocking was that my 8yo had fallen off her scooter. Eventually she came in crying and I had to stop typing this to go administer some first aid. She made sure to tell me between sobs that the two school nurses from the local elementary school just happened to be walking by when she fell and stayed with her to keep an eye on her while her friend knocked for me. But of course I was ignoring it, which led them to ask my 8yo: "is your mother HOME at all?"

 

I'm pretty sure they discussed homeschooling with her as well, and all its hardships and ramifications.

 

So, my 8yo is all doctored up, and RegularDad is due to arrive back home in about 2 or 3 hours.

 

I may just make it through.

 

Thanks again for listening to me vent.

 

ETA: I decided against doing those dishes. I'm gonna make some coffee and chill out instead.

Edited September 30, 2011 by RegularMom
To save a kitten... not the one that needed all those baths, though. Some other nice kitty who isn't GROSS.

[gardenmom5]

Somebody tell me I'm not a terrible, slave-driving, homeschooling mother for making my kids do the work I give them.

 

Because I just need to hear it today.

 

If the kids are keeping up with the work load, it's obviously not too much for them. Classical method is great and it will serve them well.

 

1dd (classics major) was in public high school, with a heavy class load becasue of the program she was doing. She had one free class period, and we were trying to find something for it. The councilor kept trying to steer her towards something easy (or keeping it empty). There was a shakespeare class available and she was thrilled. Warning - she was academically bored her first semester in college as she was used to a heavier load. (and she went to a top tier university.)

[linguistmama]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Night Elf]

It sounds like you're following your ideals for school. So what if they don't match the ideals of the people around you. Truly, I've heard bashing about every single educational method at some point or another. If I switched every single time I heard someone make a derogatory remark about my methods, I would have never gotten anything done at all! And that's saying alot considering I did actually attempt many methods in the first 5 years of homeschooling. :tongue_smilie:

 

It is hard to feel you're being left out though. I agree with you. We simply cannot do everything, and there will always be at least one child that noticed your children did not attend something and wonder why. I wonder how many of those people really do attend all events. I'm guessing it's just a large enough group that they know someone who attended each event and therefore receive constant questions about their absence. Does that make sense? I don't feel like I'm making sense. :)

[twoxcell]

Somebody tell me I'm not a terrible, slave-driving, homeschooling mother for making my kids do the work I give them.

If you are than I am too!:grouphug: We did a weekly co-op last spring for the first time ever. The kids enjoyed it so we are doing it again this fall, but it feels like a bit of a waste to me. I do no think we will do it again. I end up having to rush through our work a bit in the morning before it starts, because I'm not going to skip it. Yes we school 5 days a week for way more than 36 weeks a year, and we actually study history, and science at home. As well as every other subject. It is so funny to me how impressed some of the ladies at co-op are of my ds's knowledge about US history.

[justamouse]

Well if you're an evil slave drive, so am I.

 

There's a time and place for everything. There are things we HAVE to sacrifice because the sheer size of our family. But that's OK because when you were born, God didn't stamp "FAIR" on your birth certificate.

 

We have a LOT of fun, just our fun, not someone elses fun.

 

Now, I'm off to drop off the boy scout so he can leave on his weekend climbing expedition.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Hang in there mama! :grouphug:

[Hedgehog]

We're pretty much in the same place as you, the difference being that I quit going to any homeschool groups because, guess what, we were the only family who actually thought that studying was important.. spelling and phonics.. grammar.. writing.. math facts.. You name it, no matter what I mentioned, it was all supposedly less important than the child exploring their own interests in their own way. I got tired of being told I was ruining my kids by making them do stuff. Whatever. We homeschool classically and we're happy. The kids know they're learning, and for the most part they are enjoying themselves.

 

So you carry right on, homeschooling in the way you feel is best for your family. :grouphug:

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:iagree: as long as the kids are doing well and learning...we're in kinda/sorta the same boat-we can't go to alot of the outings (especially the ones out of town) with our hs group because hubby doesn't like me going without him and then there's the issue of his dad (he's disabled and we don't have anyone else to help us watch him-he can't be left alone long).....so I hate to miss out on some of the outings (some sound wonderful and I'd want my ds to experience that too).....I don't really tell him about outings we won't be attending so that way he won't be upset about it....and this year our group seems like it's doing something every week LOL and sometimes I feel it's taking time away from our studies----but then like you some days we just take a break and go to the park or whatever.......sounds like you're doing fine to me.......:grouphug:

[Halcyon]

:grouphug: I feel for you, but know you are doing the right thing by your kids. My kids school from 8:30 am until around 2-3 every day, with one break in the morning and a lunch break (younger doesn't do as much, of course). We rarely if ever do morning field trips (maybe once a semester at the most) because they cut into school time. My kids are enrolled in tennis classes, piano lessons, two days of afterschool which begin at 2:30 (plenty of time to hang out with friends) and a homeschool fitness class (our one concession to a noon activity once a week).

 

So far, with older, it's played out well. He is on top of his math, loving Latin, has time for history projects, and mythology. In fact, a few weeks ago we went to a Tuesday morning pottery class (a friend of mine had organized it and I felt....obligated to go) and afterwards he said "I enjoyed it, Mom, but now we're going to have to make up the work we didn't complete. I think we'd better stick to afternoon activities." :tongue_smilie:

 

So just know there are others out there "like you". Many of the moms I know are much more relaxed about homeschooling: "it happens....or not" :confused: I am in the minority.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I'm moving more in that direction myself, especially with my older dc, :tongue_smilie:the longer we homeschool. I wonder how many methods\philosophies homeschoolers try out until they hit on the one that works best for them.

[Mommy22alyns]

In two years I hope to be doing exactly what you are doing now. I find your priorities to be inspiring !

 

:iagree:

[foxbridgeacademy]

I recently joined a Co-Op that is 90% "unschooler's" and we just don't roll that way. Very nice people but yeah I get looks when I talk about curriculum.