lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 What would your 14-year-old self think of who and what you have become today? I guess I'm on some kind of existential kind of trip here. I posted this on Facebook, but no bites yet. I figured this is probably a better group for this kind of thought. I'm curious what your answer will be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I think I would be glad that I married such a nice guy and had a daughter. I would be surprised that I wasn't famous and rich from my career as a famous novelist/international film star. I would also think - man am I old now. Yep. 14 years old those would be my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) She would be happy and grateful. Edited September 4, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Thanks for answering! :D My 14-year-old self would be SO MAD!!! She had such high plans! I thought I might be a Mom, but it would never be the main thing that defined me! I might not even have kids! I thought I would be a major player in the business world, or play an important part in a church ministry, maybe even be a famous actress!!! My 14-year-old self would have been happy to see me doing anything that involved the world past my home life. I remember looking with disdain at the women who came to salad suppers and only talked about their kids. The ones that seemed to have no ambition past being a mom. I swore to myself that I would never turn out to be one of them.... And now.....I'm one of those women! :D I can't believe I have turned out to be the one thing I planned hardest not to turn out to be! It just hit me tonight for some reason. All of the sudden I remembered all the plans I once had, and all the things I thought I'd "never be". And it got me to wondering, is this true for others as well? Or has life turned out to be what you hoped, more than you hoped, less? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 She wouldn't believe it was possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 She wouldn't believe it was possible. If you don't mind me asking, what would have surprised her the most? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 considering at 14 I was suffering clinical depression that was untreated and frequently thought of suicide, (my father's death, dysfunctional toxic family, undiagnosed learning disabilities and sensory disorders, etc.) I'd be amazed at the person I've become. Life really can get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I always wanted to be a stay home mom but it would surprising how hard it is to do this job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 If you don't mind me asking, what would have surprised her the most? Med school. I was a somewhat slow student, and painfully shy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Running the race Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 My 14yo self would be amazed and unbelieving. My 14yo self did not even like children, entertained no thoughts of future marriage, and certainly didn't know anyone who homeschooled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 My 14yo self would be amazed and unbelieving. My 14yo self did not even like children, entertained no thoughts of future marriage, and certainly didn't know anyone who homeschooled. :iagree: Same here. 14yo me would be appalled. 42 year old me is so very proud and happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 My 14yo self did not even like children, entertained no thoughts of future marriage, and certainly didn't know anyone who homeschooled. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Med school. I was a somewhat slow student, and painfully shy. You just never know, do you? I counsel my daughters to have hopes and vague goals, but to embrace the absurd because life has a way of throwing things in your path you never expected were possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 She would be thrilled to have landed such a sweet and handsome husband but she would pass out cold straightaway when informed of her future career choice. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 She would be thrilled to have landed such a sweet and handsome husband but she would pass out cold straightaway when informed of her future career choice. :lol: :iagree: My thoughts exactly! It never even crossed my mind that I'd be a stay at home, homeschooling mom. Never!! So happy to be where I am but I never thought about it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 She would be pleased. I always wanted to be a wife, mom, and teacher....and a vet, but hey...you can't have everything;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 :iagree: Same here. 14yo me would be appalled. 42 year old me is so very proud and happy. Yes! That's me, too!! That's what I realized tonight! How mad at me my 14-year-old self would be! But, I didn't understand the whole story, did I?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 But, I didn't understand the whole story, did I?! Excellent way to put it :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 All of the sudden I remembered all the plans I once had, and all the things I thought I'd "never be". And it got me to wondering, is this true for others as well? Or has life turned out to be what you hoped, more than you hoped, less? I kind of feel like this. My life is richer than I ever could have hoped, but completely different than I envisioned. I didn't disdain those who dreamed mostly of marriage and children. That just wasn't on my radar. My parents' marriage was not a great example of marital bliss so they didn't really sell me on the "Happy Family" package. :tongue_smilie:I dreamed of love, but I didn't think about kids and the concept of family at all. DH cured me. I met him, fell in love and thought, for the first time ever, that I had found a man with whom I wanted to raise a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpnick in nc Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 It might take me a while to convince my 14-year-old self that, in my case, a full-blown career in academia AND motherhood is impossible. I think she would happy with my choices and excited that I am homeschooling (especially after learning about classical education). She would be happy with DH by any measure she would apply. Her main disappointment might be that I am not trying to be *the best* at everything (and that I'm not pushing that attitude on my kids). Ok, I probably have some of that struggle still, but now I know better - unlike my 14 yo self. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Yes! That's me, too!! That's what I realized tonight! How mad at me my 14-year-old self would be! But, I didn't understand the whole story, did I?! When did that ever stop 14-year-olds from being appalled? They know *EVERYTHING,* remember? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 disappointed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 My 14yo self would be amazed and unbelieving. My 14yo self did not even like children... and certainly didn't know anyone who homeschooled. and also wanted to add what Barb F. said - my 14yo self would most certainly be APPALLED! I just didn't know what I didn't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 disappointed. What would most disappoint her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) My 14-year old self would be pleased to learn that I have a horse in my backyard. And a donkey. And a dog, cat, and two mice. (I was slightly obsessed with mice as a 13-year old; and, of course, always obsessed with horses. My fondest wish was to have one in my backyard.) I think she'd love the idea of the internet. She'd love that I get to stay up as late as I want! But she would not believe that I would be married and a mother. I think that would make her furious. She would not believe that I'm not still best friends with my best friends of those days. (I do still love these women, but life has separated us -- and in one case, death has separated us.) She would not understand my interests now. She would not understand that often I'm too tired, too sore, too hot, too cold, too busy, or even too hesitant to ride that horse every moment of the day, everywhere. She would appreciate how much I like to watch him. But she would not understand that he would not be the center of my world. She could not imagine that I have a pool in the backyard yet most days I don't swim. She could not imagine that I live in the same town with a theme park and a water park, but I don't care to go. That I have a bike but prefer a stationary bike, indoors in the air conditioning. She would not understand the degree to which I'm not fit and invincible as she was. I think that would make her very sad. A lot of my life would make her very sad. But her spirit is still in me. That spirit is why I still have a horse, and why I still ride. Why I face all sorts of unpleasant situations with resolve. And some of her dreams I still dream about. Edited September 4, 2011 by Cindyg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Running the race Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 :iagree: Same here. 14yo me would be appalled. 42 year old me is so very proud and happy. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 To be honest, I am happy with my life. But I am thinking about this tonight because I am wrestling with some of the 44 year old disappointment as well. I would never take back the choice to be the mother of my amazing 3 kids. To be the wife of my amazing husband. To spend my days homeschooling them rather than pursuing a career.....but.........if I was really honest, at least tonight.......I am trying to come to terms with some of the dreams I have held near and dear and I'm beginning to realize, they will probably never be. That my life took such a radically different course than I once planned. I look at other women, including one of my sisters, who live a life more like the one I envisioned for myself, and I wonder.......am I missing out on something? I really did not plan for motherhood to be so all consuming. I know I would not have it any other way. And I would tell my 14-year-old self all the wonders and passions and love in being a mom that I never could have imagined. And I believe it! (she would never believe me.....but she's 14 after all! ;) But, sometimes, in one of these existential, over-thinking moments, I wonder. Sometimes I wrestle with what I am not, rather than enjoying what I am. (like I know I should! :)) Anyone ever wrestle with the difference in what you have become compared to what you thought you wanted to be? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 My 14-year old self would be pleased to learn that I have a horse in my backyard. And a donkey. And a dog, cat, and two mice. (I was slightly obsessed with mice as a 13-year old; and, of course, always obsessed with horses. My fondest wish was to have one in my backyard.) I think she'd love the idea of the internet. She'd love that I get to stay up as late as I want! But she would not believe that I would be married and a mother. I think that would make her furious. She would not believe that I'm not still best friends with my best friends of those days. (I do still love these women, but life has separated us -- and in one case, death has separated us.) She would not understand my interests now. She would not understand that often I'm too tired, too sore, too hot, too cold, too busy, or even too hesitant to ride that horse every moment of the day, everywhere. She would appreciate how much I like to watch him. But she would not understand that he would not be the center of my world. She could not imagine that I have a pool in the backyard yet most days I don't swim. She could not imagine that I live in the same town with a theme park and a water park, but I don't care to go. That I have a bike but prefer a stationary bike, indoors in the air conditioning. She would not understand the degree to which I'm not fit and invincible as she was. I think that would make her very sad. A lot of my life would make her very sad. But her spirit is still in me. That spirit is why I still have a horse, and why I still ride. Why I face all sorts of unpleasant situations with resolve. And some of her dreams I still dream about. Beautiful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) I'm pretty much where I figured I be, from a young age and certainly by 14. I have the job I wanted (outside the home), I am active in the community, and I'm very involved in my kids' education ... perhaps moreso than I originally anticipated, but my family was always very much a part of my own education (they were afterschoolers before it was called any such thing). Part of why I decided to homeschool was because I loved that I learned so much more from my family than I did at school, which I considered to be a waste of time from the academic perspective (but a wonderful way to spend the day from the social perspective!) I saw what my family did for me part-time, and decided we could do even more with my kids full-time :D The only thing she may crinkle her nose at would be my car. I finally succumbed to my reality, and now I drive a Mom-mobile. Even my 25 year old swore she'd never ... but, well, here we all are! All three of us! Edited September 4, 2011 by eternalknot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 When did that ever stop 14-year-olds from being appalled? They know *EVERYTHING,* remember? :D and they are totally annoyed by those who only "think" they 'know everything' . ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 and they are totally annoyed by those who only "think" they 'know everything' . ;) Indeed. My 14 year old self would probably look at my time-traveling 33 year old self and roll her eyes and think, "Yeah, right. What does she know?" :D I was a pretty good kid, though, so I probably wouldn't say it out loud! I would have been totally shocked to hear how I turn out at 33, though. I don't remember having any concrete goals or ideas of the future at that point, but homeschooling would definitely NOT have been on my radar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I always wanted to be a stay home mom but it would surprising how hard it is to do this job. I can see my 14 yr old self thinking that too. I think not only would I have been surprised how hard it is, but that it was so hard that I decided not to have more kids. Back then I was sure that one day I would have 8. I think I would also be surprised at my financial situation. Back then I always assumed that once I was an adult I would have lots of money, over course I assumed I would be married to a man that made lots so that I could be a stay-at-home mom. So I think I would be surprised that I did not live happily ever after with prince charming and ended up alone with a house full of "those" kids. You know the ones I knew I would never have at 14, because there is no way I would have one of "those" kinds of children, and I knew this back then because I was a perfect parent at 14, people actually parenting kids had no idea what they were doing and that's why they had "those" kids. Let's face it my 14 yr old self was delusional about the future :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 My 14yo self would be thrilled that I am a teacher and still heavily bookish. (I wanted to be an English teacher from 6th grade on.) My 14yo self would raise her eyebrows (at the very least) that I am expressing that desire through homeschooling. My plan was to finish a degree, marry, teach, have children and stay home until they start school, and go back to teaching. However, I was an only and never good at babysitting. I changed my first diaper in the hospital with my first child. I had to learn those mothering skills as I went. I remember resolving that I would be The Fun Mother. Um. I am SOOOOO not that. In fact, I am a member of the No-Fun Moms Club. A charter member at that. She would be appalled at some of the suffering I have undergone, despite precautions I took to avoid those things. But, overall, I think she would recognize that I am the fulfillment of the germ that was there at 14, although it has not developed and been expressed through ways that 14yo expected or recognized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbaby Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 My 14 year old self would be shocked that I am not a famous news anchor living it up in a big city. I NEVER wanted to be a stay at home mom like my mom was. I figured my husband would stay home:). Oh, and my 14 year old self would probably be completely confused about homeschooling. I don't think I had ever even heard of it at that age. At least not involving "normal" people:lol: Everything changed after my first child came along. I had never loved someone so much. There was no way I wanted to be gone all day! My life is nothing like I envisioned it...thankfully!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyJudyJudy Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 At age 14, I had three goals in life: (1) To be able to drive (For most of my childhood, we lived out in the boondocks. My mother was mentally ill and wasn't able to drive. When Daddy died when I was 8, that made things worse.) (2) To have carpet on the floor (3) To have central heat and air (though I didn't even know what it was called at the time) My 14yo self would be glad that I met all my goals and then some (though now I'm not so thrilled with carpet). LOL However, she would be sad that my health isn't good, which greatly limits me now. She'd also be sad that I wasn't able to have but one child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanaTron Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 It's true for me, too. Even when I was in college, and just out of college, I thought I wasn't going to get married until I was 40, and kids? Ha! Not me. Then, when I was 25, I met dh, and had ds #1 when I was 26. Changed everything I thought was important. I think what I'm doing know is more fulfilling than any paying career I was considering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 She's say I sold out. And she'd be right. I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 She'd slap me. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 What would your 14-year-old self think of who and what you have become today? I guess I'm on some kind of existential kind of trip here. I posted this on Facebook, but no bites yet. I figured this is probably a better group for this kind of thought. I'm curious what your answer will be. Extremely happy. I met my hubby to be when I was 13...we married and have been married for 24 years. We had three great kids...I always wanted three. We have lived in different countries twice...what a cool experience. All in all....I think my 14 year old self would be amazed.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 14yo me would be shocked that I don't really read romance novels anymore. She'd be even more shocked by the number of "boring" books I read. But she'd be secretly pleased to learn she isn't as stupid as she thinks she is. The rest? I think she'd say "Eh, looks like it all works out. Catch ya later!" I've never been easy to impress. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 My 14 yo self would be sad and confused that I didn't marry the guy I was in love with then (and we really were in love, dated 4 years -- just not meant to be married). She'd be disappointed that I'm not a famous writer, and shocked that I'm homeschooling. But she'd think my husband is cool and our kids are adorable and great. She'd be right. :D Funny story this made me remember... I was public schooled (the only kid in our church) and proud of it. The rest of the kids were in Christian school, and one family, that we were very close to, homeschooled. One day this homeschool mom was watching my sister and me (I guess we were off and my mom had to work) and we went to a homeschool rally at our state capitol. I remember holding a sign that said "Homegrown Kid" and feeling a like a poser. It makes me laugh that, little did I know it, I was fighting in the 1980s for MY right to homeschool!!! ETA: She'd also be glad to see that I finally have BooKs. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 my 14 year old self would be shocked that I became a homeschool mom, thrilled that I finally did get the farm I always dreamed of, and ecstatic that I married such a great guy! My 14 yo self would not be surprised that a relationship with my sister didn't work out, but would be very happy to see the wonderful, sweet friends I am blessed to have in my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 My plan was to finish a degree, marry, teach, have children and stay home until they start school, and go back to teaching. This reminded me of something a bit off subject, but it goes along with "plans we once had." When we bought our house, my hubby wanted us to get a 15 year loan. I convinced him to go with the 30 year loan. I said that it would make our payments lower right now, and then, when our kids went to school and I got my career going, we could make double payments and still pay it off in the 15 years. I just "KNEW" I would be going back to work once the kids were in school! :001_unsure::blink: uh. then along came this little plan-buster called "homeschooling." Homeschooling was on my "Things I'd Never Do List". Not even on my radar. But, 3 years after we bought the house, that is what we started doing. So, I guess that whole career after they start back to school plan ---- well ------ :001_huh: Sorry, hubby! :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Everything changed after my first child came along. I had never loved someone so much. So true!!!! That changes everything! Doesn't it! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 If my fourteen year old self could get past the fact that I became a Christian, and she might not, I think she'd be ecstatic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 It's true for me, too. Even when I was in college, and just out of college, I thought I wasn't going to get married until I was 40, and kids? Ha! Not me. Then, when I was 25, I met dh, and had ds #1 when I was 26. Changed everything I thought was important. I think what I'm doing know is more fulfilling than any paying career I was considering. Yes! She's say I sold out. And she'd be right. I did. Well put! She'd slap me. :lol::lol::lol: Yes! Yes! Yes!!!! That is exactly my sentiments!!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Extremely happy. I met my hubby to be when I was 13...we married and have been married for 24 years. We had three great kids...I always wanted three. We have lived in different countries twice...what a cool experience. All in all....I think my 14 year old self would be amazed.:D Cool!!!! That is wild that your 14 year old self already knew who you loved! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 ETA: She'd also be glad to see that I finally have BooKs. ;) :lol: I didn't get my BooKs in until I was 25!!! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I always wanted to be a stay home mom but it would surprising how hard it is to do this job. :iagree: Looking in from the outside, my 14-year-old self would think absolutely all of her dreams had come true. Kind husband (of just the "type" I used to have crushes on and drool over, lol), 5 kids, house in the suburbs, homeschooling stay at home mom. But MAN. I could never fathom in a million years how hard this is in practice - my dh is semi-disabled, my 3yo cries and can't walk for a few hours each morning because his arthritis hurts so much, my older kids fight ALL THE TIME and my oldest is so hard to teach (LDs) - that's only half of the issues we are dealing with in our too tiny home, on too little sleep, with way too little support. I hate myself for how much I hate this life I always dreamed of! :001_huh: I wish I could go back and tell that 14yo to become a nun! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 ETA: She'd also be glad to see that I finally have BooKs. ;) :lol::lol: Mine would wonder what happened to her nice ones. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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