how does a parent abandon a child...

[bettyandbob]

I was just reading a terrible story of a man who left his son in their foreclosed home with a note to go to a neighbor's house. The boy is 11. Apparently, the boy had always thought his mother was dead, but notes also revealed she is still alive (she lost custody when he was 1 or so and never visited). I wonder how a kid can recover. Why couldn't the dad have gone to social services and sought help or at least been the one to turn his son over to social services.

 

I had a classmate in high school who came home to find her stepmother had moved and taken all the furniture (dad was working at some location that family could not follow). She had to stay with neighbor for a week or so until her mother arrived. I always wondered what happened to her after she moved with her mom. And I thought her story was pretty awful until I read about this boy in Minnesota.

[WishboneDawn]

I don't imagine there's any one reason. Some might not care much for their kids, some might care a lot but not know what else to do in desperate circumstances...I don't know.

 

It's not something I want to speculate on.

[FaithManor]

Well, it is mind-boggling for me to imagine. It really is. But, my guess might be that he either lived in a state where placing your child voluntarily into foster care is not an option so you will be charged with child neglect/abandonment if you do, or he.just.didn't.care. or he was so distraught, possibly emotionally disturbed, that leaving the child at the foreclosed house was some show of desperation to the bank and the government. People can get so depressed they just can't think rationally and can't "see" any reasonable answers to their problems.

 

In Michigan, you can voluntarily place your child in foster care without automatically being charged with anything. If you are lucky and get a caseworker that is not overburdened, you can get help in amending your situation so you can get your child back in a reasonable time frame. You cannot leave them a second time. At that point, DCFS will consider you an unstable parent and you will be treated more or less along the lines of a parent who has abused/neglected/abandoned a child though still, if housing, lack of income, etc. is the main cause you can still get help and be reunified again. But, my understanding is that there are states where it is not possible to place your child into foster care. This is automatically criminal abandonment and prosecution may take place while no help is offered. So, I suppose if he was already dispondent and afraid he'd be charged if he asked for a temporary foster placement for his child, he thought he'd better run. Sigh.....

 

Then again, he could just plain be a terrible person. Honestly, most of the time there isn't enough information in any news report to begin to draw a conclusion.

 

Faith

[momma2three]

That story sounds straight out of the 1930s. It's sad that people are feeling that hopeless again.

[catz]

That story sounds straight out of the 1930s. It's sad that people are feeling that hopeless again.

 

:iagree:

 

I think it's pretty clear that the father has depression and/or some other mental illness. Mentally healthy parents do not abandon their kids. It's sad to think about, but I was grateful this boy was unharmed and left with someone because that's not always the case. :crying:

[FairProspects]

Not to validate this situation in the slightest, but what are you supposed to do in this day and age when you can't afford to raise your children?

 

In the Great Depression, my grandfather and his 3 siblings were given to up to an orphanage because their mother could no longer feed and clothe them. That is not an option today and in my state you cannot voluntarily give up custody of an older child without being charged. If people are desperate, there are not a lot of options and certainly no good ones.

[blessed3x]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2030688/Steven-Alexander-Cross-abdanons-son-11-house-foreclosure.html

[Sputterduck]

My mother always told me that parents only leave their children because of substance abuse or mental illness. I now know that some people just choose evil. So, in my mind, it's one of those 3 things. Adict, mentally ill, or the choice to commit an evil act.

 

Of course, there are parents in certain situations who give up their children due to impending starvation on the part of the child. But in America, there are food stamps now.

[Dmmetler]

We're reading about Orphan trains now, and DD has had that exact question-how could someone choose some of their kids to go on an orphan train, while keeping others? The idea that a family might be so financially desperate that they cannot afford to care for their children is appalling to her-and to me. I hate to think that we're getting to that point, financially, again.

[Night Elf]

Serious depression can cause people to do irrational things. Some people think depression is just feeling sad. It's so much more than that. I believe that man was seriously depressed and wasn't thinking clearly. I also wondered if he had suicidal intentions. A person in that situation is thinking that the other people in his/her life will benefit very quickly if he/she just dies/goes away. They aren't clear headed to think about the real consequences. It's a very terrible state of mind to be in and until you have been through it, or studied it from a medical point of view, you really can't know the blackness and depth of emptiness that is the person's reality.

[Terabith]

That note didn't sound like evil to me. Depression and desperation. I honestly have a lot of sympathy for the father and hope he is okay and gets help. I don't mean that what he did wasn't awful. But, the letter sounded like he loved his son and just didn't know what to do.

[Aubrey]

I don't know. Can't it be considered selfish in some situations to try to keep kids you can't raise? I've wondered before why some parents *keep* their kids.

 

That was before having my own, though.

[momma2three]

Serious depression can cause people to do irrational things. Some people think depression is just feeling sad. It's so much more than that. I believe that man was seriously depressed and wasn't thinking clearly. I also wondered if he had suicidal intentions. A person in that situation is thinking that the other people in his/her life will benefit very quickly if he/she just dies/goes away. They aren't clear headed to think about the real consequences. It's a very terrible state of mind to be in and until you have been through it, or studied it from a medical point of view, you really can't know the blackness and depth of emptiness that is the person's reality.

 

This is true. I have heard that very often, people who commit suicide think that they're doing their loved ones a favor: that if only they are out of the picture, their loved ones will be better off. It sounds like the father probably believed this when he made his decision.

[WishboneDawn]

This is true. I have heard that very often, people who commit suicide think that they're doing their loved ones a favor: that if only they are out of the picture, their loved ones will be better off. It sounds like the father probably believed this when he made his decision.

 

Realistically, if he was spiraling down into that kind of action, he may well have done the best for his child in a sense. Some parents do take their kids with them into death after all.

[FaithManor]

I read an update on the huffingtonpost. (I'm not certain just how reliable that is but it appeared that they had another news source for the update.)

 

According to that report, he emailed girlfriend or female platonic friend (not certain which it is) from a library in Carmel, Ca. and indicated that he was sleeping in the streets and wasn't likely to "last" more than a couple more days. THis was sometimes last week. Police have not been able to locate him.

 

I've also searched Minnesota law and cannot find any statute that allows a parent voluntarily place an older child in foster care. They allow for the safe abandonment of babies at specific locations (similar law to Michigan and many others) but not older children. The article also inferred, though it didn't directly say, that he did not have an extended family. The mother, whom the father had told the boy was dead, had limited visitation rights after the divorce 9 years ago, but never exercised them. Eventually the court revoked her rights based on abandonment. Police have also been completely stumped trying to locate her.

 

It sounds pretty awful. The dad may very well be suicidal and believes he did his child a favor.

 

There are very few safety nets for those with older children if family is not available or unwilling to help. Additionally, it seems that in our culture, what little help is available, it for moms and not dads. I know that in Michigan, of three men's shelters that the guys at our church have taken time to volunteer at, not one was set up for single dads with children, and none were safe to go to with a child. I know in our county, there is temporary housing for women and children, but not for men and children.

 

Depression, homelessness, no safety net, limited options for single dads...

 

Faith

[oldskool]

As bad as it seems I am glad not to be reading about another parent who took the life of their child because of being under desperate circumstances. He obviously put a lot of thought into how he would desire the boy to be cared for. Being a single parent can't be easy, especially when finances are spiraling out of control. Heck it isn't easy in a two parent household. I hope the boy can grow up to understand this somehow.

 

Lesley

[Jennifer3141]

That note didn't sound like evil to me. Depression and desperation. I honestly have a lot of sympathy for the father and hope he is okay and gets help. I don't mean that what he did wasn't awful. But, the letter sounded like he loved his son and just didn't know what to do.

 

The last I read, they cannot find the father. He admitted he was living on the streets and they lost him after that. :(

[eloquacious]

As bad as it seems I am glad not to be reading about another parent who took the life of their child because of being under desperate circumstances. He obviously put a lot of thought into how he would desire the boy to be cared for. Being a single parent can't be easy, especially when finances are spiraling out of control. Heck it isn't easy in a two parent household. I hope the boy can grow up to understand this somehow.

 

Lesley

 

Yes, this.

 

A lady I worked with in Colorado Springs killed herself and her boys. How much better would it have been had she abandoned them to neighbors!!

[starwarsmomma]

My son's has a close friend whose mother abandoned him. She lives 10 minutes away and refuses any and all contact. He is now permanently scarred with lots of emotional damage because of that nutcase of a woman.

[sandellie4]

Like some of the previous posters, I'm just glad we're not reading about someone killing himself and his family. One of our neighbors killed his whole family, even the family dog, after his wife was diagnosed with cancer and he lost his job. It was so sad. When I drive by their old house, especially around holidays because the young girl there just loved Christmas, etc., I always wish that he hadn't taken such dire measures. These are tough times.

 

Sandy

[OLG]

This just breaks my heart. The poor children...Abandoned babies at least don't get the emotional scars. Where are the underpinnings for people like this in this country? So sad. Agree with the PP who said it was like the 1930's. Guess we never thought it could happen again?

Edited August 29, 2011 by OLG

[Elizabeth in MN]

I suppose my story will make some of you check your judgement at the door.

 

One of my dearest friends had to abandon his son to the state. The son, W, has started to show signs of psychotic and schizophrenic behavior. W was trying to kill family pets, going after school mates with the buckle end of his belt, and putting his fist through glass. He would run away and refuse to come home, attack police when they tried to take him home, and all in all not behave in a safe way. The state that W lives in does not have long term treatment for kids. The state will not allow kids to be sent out of state for the services that are needed. Now my friend, L, could have dealt with this if it was just the two of them. However, there is another child involved, one with a serious illness.

 

Now the state told L "You can put this child in foster care and then we can get him all the help he needs. However, you have to put ALL your children into foster care. You can't just keep one and not the other". Well, one was a life threatening problem and the other is in the slow process of dying.

 

My friend is not evil, or mentally unhealthy, or selfish. He is stuck in a hell of a spot with no help out. Hell yes he has depression, who wouldn't in that situation?

 

So maybe people can put down the stones and help these families rather than judge.

[UnsinkableKristen]

I suppose my story will make some of you check your judgement at the door.

 

One of my dearest friends had to abandon his son to the state. The son, W, has started to show signs of psychotic and schizophrenic behavior. W was trying to kill family pets, going after school mates with the buckle end of his belt, and putting his fist through glass. He would run away and refuse to come home, attack police when they tried to take him home, and all in all not behave in a safe way. The state that W lives in does not have long term treatment for kids. The state will not allow kids to be sent out of state for the services that are needed. Now my friend, L, could have dealt with this if it was just the two of them. However, there is another child involved, one with a serious illness.

 

Now the state told L "You can put this child in foster care and then we can get him all the help he needs. However, you have to put ALL your children into foster care. You can't just keep one and not the other". Well, one was a life threatening problem and the other is in the slow process of dying.

 

My friend is not evil, or mentally unhealthy, or selfish. He is stuck in a hell of a spot with no help out. Hell yes he has depression, who wouldn't in that situation?

 

So maybe people can put down the stones and help these families rather than judge.

 

 

I didn't sense judgement from any of the comments, mostly just sadness.

 

I'm sorry your friend went through this.

[FaithManor]

I suppose my story will make some of you check your judgement at the door.

 

One of my dearest friends had to abandon his son to the state. The son, W, has started to show signs of psychotic and schizophrenic behavior. W was trying to kill family pets, going after school mates with the buckle end of his belt, and putting his fist through glass. He would run away and refuse to come home, attack police when they tried to take him home, and all in all not behave in a safe way. The state that W lives in does not have long term treatment for kids. The state will not allow kids to be sent out of state for the services that are needed. Now my friend, L, could have dealt with this if it was just the two of them. However, there is another child involved, one with a serious illness.

 

Now the state told L "You can put this child in foster care and then we can get him all the help he needs. However, you have to put ALL your children into foster care. You can't just keep one and not the other". Well, one was a life threatening problem and the other is in the slow process of dying.

 

My friend is not evil, or mentally unhealthy, or selfish. He is stuck in a hell of a spot with no help out. Hell yes he has depression, who wouldn't in that situation?

 

So maybe people can put down the stones and help these families rather than judge.

 

Elizabeth speaks the truth!! There are just about zero safety nets for a parent who has a child that is mentally ill or a single parent with nohelp and struggling with illness themselves.

 

Faith

[Mommy22alyns]

Serious depression can cause people to do irrational things. Some people think depression is just feeling sad. It's so much more than that. I believe that man was seriously depressed and wasn't thinking clearly. I also wondered if he had suicidal intentions. A person in that situation is thinking that the other people in his/her life will benefit very quickly if he/she just dies/goes away. They aren't clear headed to think about the real consequences. It's a very terrible state of mind to be in and until you have been through it, or studied it from a medical point of view, you really can't know the blackness and depth of emptiness that is the person's reality.

 

 

I completely agree. What a sad situation for anyone to be in.

[LucyStoner]

How terribly sad.

 

It doesn't sound evil to me, he sounds very depressed. I worry that he may have already killed himself. Frankly, I find it relieving that he did not kill or harm his son. Some desperate, depressed dads do this when they lose the ability to support their families.

 

It does not make it right, but it does explain why he may have felt he had no other choice.

[Excelsior! Academy]

.

Edited August 29, 2011 by Excelsior! Academy
Rethought my response.

[knit247]

...Abandoned babies at least don't get the emotional scars.

 

Actually they can, and often do. Sadly...

[WishboneDawn]

I suppose my story will make some of you check your judgement at the door.

 

One of my dearest friends had to abandon his son to the state. The son, W, has started to show signs of psychotic and schizophrenic behavior. W was trying to kill family pets, going after school mates with the buckle end of his belt, and putting his fist through glass. He would run away and refuse to come home, attack police when they tried to take him home, and all in all not behave in a safe way. The state that W lives in does not have long term treatment for kids. The state will not allow kids to be sent out of state for the services that are needed. Now my friend, L, could have dealt with this if it was just the two of them. However, there is another child involved, one with a serious illness.

 

Now the state told L "You can put this child in foster care and then we can get him all the help he needs. However, you have to put ALL your children into foster care. You can't just keep one and not the other". Well, one was a life threatening problem and the other is in the slow process of dying.

 

My friend is not evil, or mentally unhealthy, or selfish. He is stuck in a hell of a spot with no help out. Hell yes he has depression, who wouldn't in that situation?

 

So maybe people can put down the stones and help these families rather than judge.

 

Thanks for reminding us of this. :grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I don't know anything at all about this story, but maybe the father truly couldn't handle the child. Maybe the child had severe behavioral issues. I've learned to never judge or read into a story because one never truly knows the entire truth.

 

Is it awful, yes. But you can't just hand a child over to social services and sign over your rights as a parent with no strings attached. Years ago when our adopted daughter was doing some very, very dangerous things, dh and I looked into disrupting our adoption. It's simply not and easy process, and if you haven't found another home for the child, it can be extremely expensive to give up your rights, too.

 

The man obviously isn't very bright, though. What he did was illegal and I'm sure he's going to be facing charges. Child abandonment, child endangerment, etc. HE's in big trouble. If I were that desperate, I'd certainly seek legal avenues, and I'd never jeopardize the safety of my child.

[MinivanMom]

 

I've also searched Minnesota law and cannot find any statute that allows a parent voluntarily place an older child in foster care. They allow for the safe abandonment of babies at specific locations (similar law to Michigan and many others) but not older children. The article also inferred, though it didn't directly say, that he did not have an extended family. The mother, whom the father had told the boy was dead, had limited visitation rights after the divorce 9 years ago, but never exercised them. Eventually the court revoked her rights based on abandonment. Police have also been completely stumped trying to locate her.

 

It sounds pretty awful. The dad may very well be suicidal and believes he did his child a favor.

 

There are very few safety nets for those with older children if family is not available or unwilling to help. Additionally, it seems that in our culture, what little help is available, it for moms and not dads. I know that in Michigan, of three men's shelters that the guys at our church have taken time to volunteer at, not one was set up for single dads with children, and none were safe to go to with a child. I know in our county, there is temporary housing for women and children, but not for men and children.

 

Depression, homelessness, no safety net, limited options for single dads...

 

Faith

 

:iagree:

 

I also want to add that abandoning children happens every single day. It's just that there is usually an ex-spouse or a grandparent or another relative to abandon the child with. It's the lack of family - not the abandonment - that made this a newsworthy story.

[Night Elf]

I don't know anything at all about this story, but maybe the father truly couldn't handle the child. Maybe the child had severe behavioral issues. I've learned to never judge or read into a story because one never truly knows the entire truth.

 

No, he was unemployed and his house was about to be foreclosed on. In the letter he left for his son, he told his son to take his Playstation and go to the neighbor's house because his house was going to be sold at auction soon.

 

From the email he wrote to his ex-girlfriend a week after he left:

"I probably only have a couple of days ... No one I called would help me ... I didn't know what to do. I am scared and hopelessly depressed," Cross' email said, according to the complaint.

 

Other parts of the letter are here.

[Rhonda in TX]

I am so grateful that I don't have to worry about this for my children. We have enough family and friends that we will never have to worry about them not having a home.

 

I don't know the whole story, but my heart is breaking for that boy and his father.

[Denisemomof4]

No, he was unemployed and his house was about to be foreclosed on. In the letter he left for his son, he told his son to take his Playstation and go to the neighbor's house because his house was going to be sold at auction soon.

 

From the email he wrote to his ex-girlfriend a week after he left:

"I probably only have a couple of days ... No one I called would help me ... I didn't know what to do. I am scared and hopelessly depressed," Cross' email said, according to the complaint.

 

Other parts of the letter are here.

 

Thanks. I responded before I read the entire thread (didn't think that link was related to THIS case since it had the UK in the link) and when I started to read his letter, it brought me to tears and I couldn't read anymore.

 

I'm so sad for him AND his son. I can't imagine feeling so desperate and to be in his shoes.

 

The article says, though, that a relative has the child???? I thought he had no extended family? I need to read the entire thread.

[Joanne]

I get it. I'm not defending it; but I get it. I will NEVER again get on my high horse and say "never".

 

I've been through relentless life struggles: depression, foreclosure, bankruptcy, possibly deadly health issues in a spouse, lack of access to medical care, a relentless custody battle.

 

Originally Posted by Night Elf

Serious depression can cause people to do irrational things. Some people think depression is just feeling sad. It's so much more than that. I believe that man was seriously depressed and wasn't thinking clearly. I also wondered if he had suicidal intentions. A person in that situation is thinking that the other people in his/her life will benefit very quickly if he/she just dies/goes away. They aren't clear headed to think about the real consequences. It's a very terrible state of mind to be in and until you have been through it, or studied it from a medical point of view, you really can't know the blackness and depth of emptiness that is the person's reality.

 

:iagree: In addition, chronic stress, and trauma changes the brain. This Dad (and similar stories) are not operating with a whole, functioning, normal brain. They are in the quagmire of depression with a changed brain; they can not make other choices.

[AuntieM]

That story sounds straight out of the 1930s. It's sad that people are feeling that hopeless again.

 

I read the same news story and this was the feeling I got - that the man had just completely lost hope and had no idea what to do. It seemed very sad all around.

[Tohru]

.

Edited August 30, 2011 by jadedone80

[Hockey Mom]

My son's has a close friend whose mother abandoned him. She lives 10 minutes away and refuses any and all contact. He is now permanently scarred with lots of emotional damage because of that nutcase of a woman.

 

My own mother abandoned us (me, a brother, and two sisters), when I was 16 y/o. She was a mentally ill alcoholic and drug addict. She left us to go live with a new boyfriend.

 

I came home from school to a house that had been cleaned out. No furniture. No food. All of MY clothes were taken as well (we wore the same size). My younger brother came home shortly after I did, followed by the baby sitter dropping my younger sisters off. Three days later, my ex-stepdad came for his daughters. He couldn't take me and my brother. We relied on the charity of our neighbor, and a part-time job that I had, until my own father came to get us (he was military, and they had to track him down because I wasn't allowed to have his phone number or address).

 

Despite years of therapy, the benefit of maturity, and logical answers, those scars do not go away. Because of MY experience, I view parents who leave their children as selfish, mentally ill, or substance abusers. Family sticks together no matter what the circumstances are.

[Sputterduck]

Where I live, it can take up to 45 days to get benefits after your application is processed, which takes a few weeks from your application date. It takes at least 2 weeks to get emergency benefits. That is an awfully long time to wait when you're hungry and your child is hungry too...Food banks only give so much and are very limited.

 

Desperation really is a reason for some. It's great to know that some people like yourself would never be in that type of situation due to fortunate life circumstances, but it's still sad when thinking about the suffering and desperation of others.

 

What fortunate life circumstances? I've been very poor. I've been through horrible things more awful than most people will ever go through.

 

Suffering and desperation? I watch suffering and desperation every. single. day. I feed people who don't have food stamps to fall back on, ever, because they weren't born in America. Two weeks to get emergency benefits? How nice would that be for the people I spend my time serving.

[Geo]

My own mother abandoned us (me, a brother, and two sisters), when I was 16 y/o. She was a mentally ill alcoholic and drug addict. She left us to go live with a new boyfriend.

 

I came home from school to a house that had been cleaned out. No furniture. No food. All of MY clothes were taken as well (we wore the same size). My younger brother came home shortly after I did, followed by the baby sitter dropping my younger sisters off. Three days later, my ex-stepdad came for his daughters. He couldn't take me and my brother. We relied on the charity of our neighbor, and a part-time job that I had, until my own father came to get us (he was military, and they had to track him down because I wasn't allowed to have his phone number or address).

 

QUOTE]

 

:crying:...:grouphug:...just...:grouphug: No one should experience that. I'm so sorry.

[Sputterduck]

My own mother abandoned us (me, a brother, and two sisters), when I was 16 y/o. She was a mentally ill alcoholic and drug addict. She left us to go live with a new boyfriend.

 

I came home from school to a house that had been cleaned out. No furniture. No food. All of MY clothes were taken as well (we wore the same size). My younger brother came home shortly after I did, followed by the baby sitter dropping my younger sisters off. Three days later, my ex-stepdad came for his daughters. He couldn't take me and my brother. We relied on the charity of our neighbor, and a part-time job that I had, until my own father came to get us (he was military, and they had to track him down because I wasn't allowed to have his phone number or address).

 

Despite years of therapy, the benefit of maturity, and logical answers, those scars do not go away. Because of MY experience, I view parents who leave their children as selfish, mentally ill, or substance abusers. Family sticks together no matter what the circumstances are.

 

I'm so sorry. No child deserves to be left trying to overcome the legacy that that would leave behind. I'm sorry she did that to you.

[Carrie75]

My aunt and uncle were living with my grandparents for awhile to get back on their feet. One day my aunt decided to leave for good. She left her 3 kids at my grandparents house when no other adults were home. My cousins, boy 6 and girls 5 and 3, were watching tv when she left. My 5 year old cousin followed her out and screamed for her mother on the driveway as my aunt backed out and drove away. They didn't see or hear from her for years. It was just horrible for the kids, expecially the one that watched her drive off. They really never recovered from it.

 

As a mother I really can't imagine what would drive a person to leave their children.

[Audrey]

 

I think it's pretty clear that the father has depression and/or some other mental illness. Mentally healthy parents do not abandon their kids. It's sad to think about, but I was grateful this boy was unharmed and left with someone because that's not always the case. :crying:

 

:iagree: Obviously, the father has some issues that need attention. The poor boy will need help, too, as abandonment is a terrible thing to have happen to you. Thankfully, though, the father was not so desperate as to do the unthinkable.

[Scarlett]

My own mother abandoned us (me, a brother, and two sisters), when I was 16 y/o. She was a mentally ill alcoholic and drug addict. She left us to go live with a new boyfriend.

 

I came home from school to a house that had been cleaned out. No furniture. No food. All of MY clothes were taken as well (we wore the same size). My younger brother came home shortly after I did, followed by the baby sitter dropping my younger sisters off. Three days later, my ex-stepdad came for his daughters. He couldn't take me and my brother. We relied on the charity of our neighbor, and a part-time job that I had, until my own father came to get us (he was military, and they had to track him down because I wasn't allowed to have his phone number or address).

 

Despite years of therapy, the benefit of maturity, and logical answers, those scars do not go away.

 

:grouphug:

 

Because of MY experience, I view parents who leave their children as selfish, mentally ill, or substance abusers. Family sticks together no matter what the circumstances are.

 

This is how I feel too. My mom always said she figured if we starved we would at least starve together.

[happyhomemaker25]

So many mixed emotions here. I can't even begin to imagine leaving my kids and we are in a very desperate situation here. Maybe it makes me selfish, but I know that I will provide whatever I can for my kids until my very last breath.

I honestly think the only people who benefit from government assistance are people who know how to work the system. We don't and it's been one big headache trying to get any help at all. I have family who know how to work the system and they literally live off of the government. We just need a little temporary help and it's impossible.

I feel so badly for this poor hopeless man, but then as a foster parent it's so hard for me to sympathize with parents who just abandon their kids.

In a sense that's what happened to each of my kids. It was for the best though. Not that this is the case here, but we did find that the longer a parent was away from a child the easier it was for them to "forget" they even had kids.

It's just all so hard for me to understand.

[K-FL]

From the article I read on this, the dad had received the eviction notice. He was an architect that couldn't find work. He left the 11yo (not a pre-schooler, but one old enough to babysit) with the note to go next door when he woke up.

 

Do I think he did the "right" thing? No, but I don't think he was evil or any of the other names that have been used in this thread. I think he was desperate & depressed. The man had a good job, followed the rules (get an education & you'll get a golden ticket), but life threw him a curve. His "tear stained letter" doesn't speak of a man who lightly ran off. He was at the end of his rope. Let's pray he doesn't do anything else desperate.

[jayb842]

My ex has abandoned my son. He kicked us out with our clothes and a few toys. I had a car. I filled up the car and got $200 from the checking account and came back to Texas where my wonderful family is. My ex closed the accounts the next day. I spent almost all of the money on hotel and food. My dad paid me back for some stock I gave him. My ex informed me that he didn't want to be a daddy anymore. Ds were 5 and we had been married 10 years. He has major depression issues. He doesn’t think straight and is self-centered. He also mean! He has seen ds twice in the last year.

Our happy ending came in the form of an accountant who is my best friend. We have been married over a year. I love our life now!

 

Jenn

[Audrey]

My aunt and uncle were living with my grandparents for awhile to get back on their feet. One day my aunt decided to leave for good. She left her 3 kids at my grandparents house when no other adults were home. My cousins, boy 6 and girls 5 and 3, were watching tv when she left. My 5 year old cousin followed her out and screamed for her mother on the driveway as my aunt backed out and drove away. They didn't see or hear from her for years. It was just horrible for the kids, expecially the one that watched her drive off. They really never recovered from it.

 

As a mother I really can't imagine what would drive a person to leave their children.

 

 

I can. If you're at the bottom of depression and you know that you are going to kill yourself, you would want your children to have somewhere better and would make provisions for them. You wouldn't want your child to find your body. You wouldn't want them to hear or see you commit the act. You would want them somewhere far away from you where they will be cared for and safe.

 

This may not sound rational to someone who has never hit the bottom of depression, but it is a last loving gesture for a person who is going to kill themselves.

 

I know I have felt that way.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Audrey

[catz]

Just for the record, the father was found and arrested today.

 

http://www.startribune.com/local/south/128653803.html

 

It's a heartbreaking story. And I can fully imagine depression pushing someone to this point.