kalanamak Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 After ascertaining hubby had not picked something out for his daughter's wedding, out of trepidation and a silent hope I would take care of it, I went to the registries. I have to credit them with giving me a new sensation/emotion I'd never felt. I can describe it as a feeling of nausea in the face muscles, or a headache without the headache, or the scrunching up of the facial muscles as if about to cry without feeling sad or the urge to weep. My husband, usually never a negative word from him about his kids, said "My poor girl has been brainwashed". He has been unable to add another word (other than, "Is that ironing board gold-plated?"), so it is up to me. The expectations expressed in the choices are dismaying. I have a choice between picking a gift far below the price range and not what they want (but which we consider reasonable for a new couple to get), or swallow our moral sense and buy something belonging in a 6 bedroom Upper East Side penthouse with a maid's quarters? I mean, we sleep under comforters from Goodwill, pretty ones, but the list includes an $1100 bedcovering. The quote in my sig, a tongue-in-cheek remark about the fog of life, is bitterly true today. What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 By something reasonable or get them a gift card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Ick. Its a gift, not an obligation. Get what you want them to have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrdinaryTime Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I hear ya. Don't buy off the registry. It is a no win situation. This is DH's daughter, right? Do something sentimental. I think registries are more for extended family, friends, and co-workers. Immediate family can give something more personal. My dad had the local art teacher paint a family portrait, including my new husband. He laid out the scence and asked her to include certain reminders in the painting for special people (like irises for late Grandmother.) It wasn't extremely expensive, and I treasure it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Ick. Its a gift, not an obligation. Get what you want them to have. I don't care about how they feel about me, but I am sad for my husband. At this girl's graduation his other daughter said "you didn't earn enough money to keep a wife". I hope the tux he rents is stunning on him. :001_unsure: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Nice kids. NOT. I'd be tempted to give a donation to charity in their names. Sounds like they could use a swift kick in the self centred nethers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Ick. Its a gift, not an obligation. Get what you want them to have. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Toss the gift registry. Buy a nice wedding gift, something that *you* would like and that fits in your budget. Wrap it nicely. Deliver it/have it sent to the bride's home. The end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) Oh your poor husband, and you. I agree with getting something sentimental. :grouphug::grouphug: Is the couple used to such a lifestyle as their registry shows? Edited August 13, 2011 by justamouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would try to find something that would be unique, within your budget and maybe sentimental. I would not buy anything off the register. I would not buy something too practical - towels, kitchen stuff. After all, it is from the bride's dad. A piece of wooden furniture - antique - used. A crystal vase A piece of silver or pewter from a antique store You have make a judgment base on the couple. Good luck. I know it can be difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 A gift card to the store they are registered, with a nice card saying that this way after they see what other people get them, they can put this towards whatever the were hoping for and didn't get. Do you know where they are going on honeymoon? A gift card to dining while they are there, or some other "experience" Something off the list that is more sentimental that financial. A wedding memories book, a figurine (willow tree or such) of the "new family" that they now are. If they are Christina, a nice family bible that they can record info in (births, deaths, marriages) Sounds nicer than they deserve, but those would make your hubby look good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Use the colors on the registry and get them something in your price range that you want them to have. Example: They want a red kitchen aide. Get them kitchen linens that will sit nicely on the counter with their red kitchen aide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Would your DH be the kind of guy willing to pick out jewelry for his little girl if you went to the store with him? It doesn't have to be expensive - pearl earrings are usually very reasonable. He could then get her new husband a hammer or a gift card for beer or some other manly-man kind of gift. I love the jewelry that my dad picked out for me. It makes me feel very special. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I sometimes give a book of ideas for dates, along with a bit of cash and a note that says something about continuing their enjoyment of each other as the years go by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would try to find something that would be unique, within your budget and maybe sentimental. A piece of silver or pewter from a antique store Ding, ding, ding. I think we have a winner. The groom is from Europe, and I, having spent my youth in hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of antique stores (and barns, where my mother found walnut furniture) have a good eye for antiques. I will hit the antique stores this weekend and try to find something from his culture that hubby can take on the plane. It will be beautiful, they won't know the price (yea!), and it may go up in value. (Smacking forehead in surprise I hadn't thought of this). I love you guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Well, if you purchase a gift, there is a good chance it'll be taken back. I would go with sentimental and perhaps a gift card to a place they can eat out at. Oh, and Christian or not... The Love passage... is lovely. Love is patient, Love is kind... etc. Just think about it... they can look at it or not... but sounds like they could use a reminder :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claire up north Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would frame their wedding announcement and give that to them. I have done this in the past and it is always very well received. Very personal. Very appropriate. Way less than $1100. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Ding, ding, ding. I think we have a winner. The groom is from Europe, and I, having spent my youth in hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of antique stores (and barns, where my mother found walnut furniture) have a good eye for antiques. I agree, great idea!!! I tend to forget that idea since we moved west. By the way, I think we have the same mother (my dad would refinish them and sell them whenever tuition bills were due ;)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Nice kids. NOT. I'd be tempted to give a donation to charity in their names. Sounds like they could use a swift kick in the self centred nethers. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Ding, ding, ding. I think we have a winner. The groom is from Europe, and I, having spent my youth in hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of antique stores (and barns, where my mother found walnut furniture) have a good eye for antiques. I will hit the antique stores this weekend and try to find something from his culture that hubby can take on the plane. It will be beautiful, they won't know the price (yea!), and it may go up in value. (Smacking forehead in surprise I hadn't thought of this). I love you guys! Yes, this is brilliant. :grouphug: to your dh for having to dread the whole affair, and to you for rescuing him. I hope the two of you will actually find a way to enjoy the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) I would frame their wedding announcement and give that to them. I have done this in the past and it is always very well received. Very personal. Very appropriate. Way less than $1100. :) My mom did this and it hangs in our bedroom. It's honestly the only gift I remember and can tell who gave it to us. I wanted to add the only other gift I remember was from my dad. He paid for any one of our wedding photos as a framed 8x10. It's hanging in our hallway. Edited August 13, 2011 by Horton Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would give them a check in the 200-$500 range. It may seem over-the-top, but I wouldn't expect my dh to give less to his child, esp if he wan't contributing to the wedding. Granted, we don't enjoy combing gift lists. We also know that most folks would rather have the money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would say either cash or a personal letter. But it sounds like you might have a great idea with an antique. We received our wedding invitation framed as a gift and it hung on our wall for the first year. Then we moved and it didn't seem right anymore. Now I don't know what to do with it 20 years later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would not buy off the registry. $1100 for a comfortor is ridiculous, and I grew up in a well off family and am used to nice things. There are nice things and then there is stupidity. Buy a gift from somewhere else or give a giftcard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I think this is a wonderful idea too. Ding, ding, ding. I think we have a winner. The groom is from Europe, and I, having spent my youth in hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of antique stores (and barns, where my mother found walnut furniture) have a good eye for antiques. I will hit the antique stores this weekend and try to find something from his culture that hubby can take on the plane. It will be beautiful, they won't know the price (yea!), and it may go up in value. (Smacking forehead in surprise I hadn't thought of this). I love you guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Toss the gift registry. Buy a nice wedding gift, something that *you* would like and that fits in your budget. Wrap it nicely. Deliver it/have it sent to the bride's home. The end. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Ding, ding, ding. I think we have a winner. The groom is from Europe, and I, having spent my youth in hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of antique stores (and barns, where my mother found walnut furniture) have a good eye for antiques. I will hit the antique stores this weekend and try to find something from his culture that hubby can take on the plane. It will be beautiful, they won't know the price (yea!), and it may go up in value. (Smacking forehead in surprise I hadn't thought of this). I love you guys! I like this. It's thoughtful and the price won't be known. If they complain it's because that's what they do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Ding, ding, ding. I think we have a winner. The groom is from Europe, and I, having spent my youth in hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of antique stores (and barns, where my mother found walnut furniture) have a good eye for antiques. I will hit the antique stores this weekend and try to find something from his culture that hubby can take on the plane. It will be beautiful, they won't know the price (yea!), and it may go up in value. (Smacking forehead in surprise I hadn't thought of this). I love you guys! Perfect. Your poor husband though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) Perfect. Your poor husband though. Well, problem solved, I'm all cheerful about it again. Hubby: Didn't have to shave his beard Likes the groom Will see his ex, daughters, and grandkids, whom he loves to see Gets 4 days away from 24/7 with kiddo Has a trip with an airplane and a rental car, both middle class pleasures he never had the first 50 years of his life Gets to wear a tux Unless someone is directly rude to his face, he'll be happier than a clam at high tide. Edited August 13, 2011 by kalanamak important comma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Toss the gift registry. Buy a nice wedding gift, something that *you* would like and that fits in your budget. Wrap it nicely. Deliver it/have it sent to the bride's home. The end. This. Oh boy. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Well, problem solved, I'm all cheerful about it again.Hubby: Didn't have to shave his beard Likes the groom Will see his ex, daughters, and grandkids, whom he loves to see Gets 4 days away from 24/7 with kiddo Has a trip with an airplane and a rental car, both middle class pleasures he never had the first 50 years of his life Gets to wear a tux Unless someone is directly rude to his face, he'll be happier than a clam at high tide. :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Nice kids. NOT. I'd be tempted to give a donation to charity in their names. Sounds like they could use a swift kick in the self centred nethers. I like Imp's idea very, very much! However, I am willing to admit that this would not be a "traditional" wedding gift. I vote for spending what you can afford to spend and then trying to do something unique with it such as buying an antique vase and some linens or something. That way it's extra special and yet didn't make you go into the poor house for her over-inflated ego. But, seriously, if ever there is an opportunity to take advantage of Imp's idea - that special second half of her advice, then GO FOR IT! :D Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would buy some beautiful frames and have family photos blown up or printed to fit them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) Okay, I got a nice glass paper weight that looks like this: http://www.ebay.ca/itm/Vintage-Murano-Millefiori-Glass-Paperweight-/140590002366?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item20bbd130be only more colorful on the top and the spatter of colors on the bottom are in a nice funnel. It looks VERY much like one my mother had, and I paid about the eBay price. I'll make up a little more by getting something towards their silver set. Edited August 13, 2011 by kalanamak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Okay, I got a nice glass paper weight that looks like this: http://www.ebay.ca/itm/Vintage-Murano-Millefiori-Glass-Paperweight-/140590002366?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item20bbd130be only more colorful on the top and the spatter of colors on the bottom are in a nice funnel. It looks VERY much like one my mother had, and I paid about the eBay price. I'll make up a little more by getting something towards their silver set. Wow. That is gorgeous. Great choice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessicaLady Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I know you've come up w/ an idea that pleases you but you may also still find a way to make it even more personal or special for her. For example, my gift from my parents was a Venetian glass vase with my wedding bouquet in it + my husband's boutonierre My Mom had taken them home after the wedding and dried the flowers. It is still so special to me. J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Ick. I might give them cash or a gift card and then get them something small and heirloom quality. Like a nice Christmas ornament engraved. I have gotten invites for 2 seperate wedding/shower events and I was shaking my head at the registries these couples set up. Both VERY young couples that will be living paycheck to paycheck for some time. At least register for a RANGE of things. We are not poor by any stretch, but $1100 for BEDDING!? :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Okay, I got a nice glass paper weight that looks like this: http://www.ebay.ca/itm/Vintage-Murano-Millefiori-Glass-Paperweight-/140590002366?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item20bbd130be only more colorful on the top and the spatter of colors on the bottom are in a nice funnel. It looks VERY much like one my mother had, and I paid about the eBay price. I'll make up a little more by getting something towards their silver set. Nice! :D Some of my favorite wedding gifts were from hand picked by relatives browsing antiques. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Off topic. But I always thought, "Girding my loins" meant something teA related. (blush) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Off topic. But I always thought, "Girding my loins" meant something teA related. (blush) No, it means putting a war girdle on, physically or mentally. You are thinking of "sprang from my loins". There is also the famous error, girding my lions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 No, it means putting a war girdle on, physically or mentally. You are thinking of "sprang from my loins". There is also the famous error, girding my lions. Thank you. Your subject title makes more sense now. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 That is gorgeous! I think that was a perfect suggestion -- and such a great personal touch that you used your time and expertise to find just the right gift. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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