How do you get past the frustration of an undesirable and unchangable situation?

[5LittleMonkeys]

If you have a situation in your life that you can't change and it is a source of extreme frustration, how do you get yourself into a frame of mind to get over the frustration, animosity and anger and have peace in your heart about it?

[skirch]

:bigear: Looking forward to the replies as I have been asking myself this same question lately.

[Pamela H in Texas]

:bigear:

 

Me too....

[Sophia]

Well, it's hard to speak hypothetically because not all difficult situations are the same, but I'll give it a shot. :)

 

If I am unhappy with a situation I cannot change, I take that situation and make it worse in my mind. Not only do I consider how awful it would be if said situation was worse, but consider the possible effects and how other situations could become worse.

In the end, I am so grateful that I am *only* dealing with the reality~and although, I'm unhappy with it, all of a sudden, it's not as bad as it could be.

 

The interesting side effect of thinking like this, is over time I have learned to be content in my circumstances because I know it could always be worse.

[Plucky]

I count my blessings. That sounds really simplistic I know. I have to keep my thoughts on the positives in my life or it will drive me crazy. It comes down to what I absolutely have to have to be happy and that list is food on the table, roof over our head, dh and the kids are happy and healthy. I can do anything if I have all that.

[UnsinkableKristen]

For us, it was when my husband was in a job that required him to work out of state 5 days a week while I was pregnant with #3 and was horribly sick most of the pregnancy. We made it until another job was available, but we did it by the skin of our teeth.

 

 

I realize that my situation was temporary, and I don't know if yours is permanent or not. However, at the time, I didn't think mine was temporary either. Here is what helped me:

 

1. I prayed, a lot. A LOT. Some was isolated prayer time, most was popcorn prayer throughout the day, some was praying through music. I asked for help from God, whined to Him, griped to Him, praised Him for provision and protection from the unknown. I poured every bit of emotion out that way. God is a good dumping ground, because He already knows what's in your heart anyway. He knew I was unhappy with it, and I knew it was happening according to His plan - even if I thought it sucked at the time - so I was able to praise Him for that.

 

2. We listened to a lot of uplifting, cheerful music. If I started the day with the iPod in the speakers on some positive, fun music, my attitude tended to rise. It wasn't always great, but it lessened my mumbling.

 

3. We talked to the kids *and eachother* over and over and over about all the things that were going RIGHT in our life. When I was missing DH particularly bad, I would start talking to the kids about how much I was enjoying the weather. Or maybe the pizza that we had ordered. Or how lucky we were that Dad had a job when so many people didn't. We reiterated what was good and right in our lives so our minds didn't constantly dwell on the sucky parts we couldn't change.

 

4. I planned lots of "mental" breaks. I started Bath & Wine Night once a week (after Dr cleared me for a small weekly glass and after the kids were asleep), and on that night I zoned out and didn't think about DH being gone or anything else that made me frustrated. I sat in my tub, read trashy magazines or great books, and sipped on my wine and pretended none of it was happening.

 

 

 

Hope these help. Sometimes purposeful distraction is the best medicine :D

Edited July 21, 2011 by UnsinkableKristen

[Plucky]

Well, it's hard to speak hypothetically because not all difficult situations are the same, but I'll give it a shot. :)

 

If I am unhappy with a situation I cannot change, I take that situation and make it worse in my mind. Not only do I consider how awful it would be if said situation was worse, but consider the possible effects and how other situations could become worse.

In the end, I am so grateful that I am *only* dealing with the reality~and although, I'm unhappy with it, all of a sudden, it's not as bad as it could be.

 

The interesting side effect of thinking like this, is over time I have learned to be content in my circumstances because I know it could always be worse.

 

I do that, too. I figure things could be much, much worse.

[Night Elf]

I'm going through a couple of of issues right now like that, one of which has been going on for 10 years. The only thing I can do is to try and redirect my attention to something else. I'll admit it doesn't always work. The worst time is at night when I lay down to go to sleep. My mind is no longer occupied by other things and the thoughts go around and around in my head. I rarely go to bed before 3:00am now because I wait until I'm dead dog tired so I'm not laying there awake. I even have Ambien to help me sleep but it doesn't work quickly.

 

I was also thinking about making a list of things I want to do that I can do. Maybe if I have a list to focus on, it will be a way to occupy my mind. Currently, I spend hours online to fill up my time. Now, if I can just fix my sleep problem, I should be set.

 

:grouphug:

[Lisa in Jax]

I find that the more I run on the hamster wheel of trying to *do* something, the worse I feel, if it's not working. Once I give myself permission to *do nothing* about it for a while, the frustration gets better -- IF I've done everything possible/reasonable to make the situation better.

 

If it's a truly unchangeable situation, time seems to be the only thing that helps me. Forcing myself to leave it alone (and live with it, as best I can) eventually works.

 

Sorry you're dealing with whatever it is.

 

Lisa

[justamouse]

I get over it. I know, it's a horrible answer, but I'm one of those people who just decides to get over it.

 

That's not to say I don't have days where I'm pissed about it, or even break down and cry.

 

I always ask myself, can I change it? What can I do about it? If I can't do anything OR if I'm doing everything I can and nothing is changing, then I pray for strength and get over it, realizing that I'm just going to have to get through it as gracefully as I can and I don't feel entitled to a pity party or making anyone else miserable.

 

And, my Dh, bless him, is a very good one when it comes to gratitude. We have our health. Really, when it comes down to it, we have a healthy family and from there, you can do anything. So we count our blessings.

 

When my nose gets out of joint he's the first to tell me my a$$ is too fat. Meaning, cultivate gratitude.

Edited July 21, 2011 by justamouse

[Plucky]

 

That's not to say I don't have days where I'm pissed about it, or even break down and cry.

 

 

 

I think that is very normal. Sometimes we have to work through things by emoting or verbalizing. I am a worrier. I will worry, until I can verbalize it or figure our the best way to handle something. Only then can I move on and that may take 24 hours or a week, depending on what it is. It stinks though.

[IrresistibleGrace]

I realize that my situation was temporary, and I don't know if yours is permanent or not. However, at the time, I didn't think mine was temporary either. Here is what helped me:

 

1. I prayed, a lot. A LOT. Some was isolated prayer time, most was popcorn prayer throughout the day, some was praying through music. I asked for help from God, whined to Him, griped to Him, praised Him for provision and protection from the unknown. I poured every bit of emotion out that way. God is a good dumping ground, because He already knows what's in your heart anyway. He knew I was unhappy with it, and I knew it was happening according to His plan - even if I thought it sucked at the time - so I was able to praise Him for that.

 

2. We listened to a lot of uplifting, cheerful music. If I started the day with the iPod in the speakers on some positive, fun music, my attitude tended to rise. It wasn't always great, but it lessened my mumbling.

 

3. We talked to the kids *and eachother* over and over and over about all the things that were going RIGHT in our life. When I was missing DH particularly bad, I would start talking to the kids about how much I was enjoying the weather. Or maybe the pizza that we had ordered. Or how lucky we were that Dad had a job when so many people didn't. We reiterated what was good and right in our lives so our minds didn't constantly dwell on the sucky parts we couldn't change.

 

 

Hope these help. Sometimes purposeful distraction is the best medicine :D

 

Hello fellow Tennessean!

 

I have to agree with Kristen on this one (except I deleted #4 in the quote since I don't do baths or wine :001_smile:)! I am in the middle of one of those situations right now (and have been for about a year). I can complain all I want, but in the end I know this is God's plan and it will change when He is ready for it to change. And it is in this truth I am able to find contentment.

 

Well said UnsinkableKristen!

[ThreeBlessings]

If you have a situation in your life that you can't change and it is a source of extreme frustration, how do you get yourself into a frame of mind to get over the frustration, animosity and anger and have peace in your heart about it?

 

 

 

Me?

 

 

Time. Reflection. Time.

[Dandelion]

I always come back to a concept I learned about years ago (from Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People), which is very helpful in situations like this. The concept of your "circle of concern" vs. "your circle of influence".

 

Everything you're frustrated about, angry about, etc. is in your circle of concern. But your circle of influence is generally much smaller than your circle of concern. Your circle of influence includes those things that you actually have control over and can do something about.

 

The gist of the concept is that you will reduce your level of frustration and feelings of powerlessness greatly if you stay within your circle of influence and focus on what you can actually control - instead of getting stuck dwelling on things over which you have no real control. Then, among the concerns that are actually within your circle of influence, determine where you can take action to improve the situation.

 

Of course, applying this concept requires a conscious decision to stop thinking about (or at least greatly reduce the amount of time you allow yourself to think about) the things you can't control. I've found it very helpful in my own life, and the more you apply it, the more natural and easy it becomes.

 

ETA: I tried to attach a picture of the "circle of concern" vs. "circle of influence" (for the visual thinkers out there), but it didn't take. Here's a link that provides a brief overview of the concept: http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/circle.htm

Edited July 21, 2011 by Dandelion

[elfgivas]

If you have a situation in your life that you can't change and it is a source of extreme frustration, how do you get yourself into a frame of mind to get over the frustration, animosity and anger and have peace in your heart about it?

 

"yes. and...."

 

(short form for "i acknowledge that its frustrating. and .... then i look at something good. ie. its not the whole picture).

 

another thing i try to do is to change the frame i put around whatever/whoever it is. so the picture itself can't change, but i can change how i experience it/react to it by choosing the frame i put it in. sometimes that helps draw out a small blessing or colour that changes how i feel about it.

 

sometimes i just drink tea and eat chocolate....

 

:grouphug:

ann

 

hth,

ann

[Dobela]

I try to take it moment by moment rather than looking at it long term. I learned that I can do just fine in the moment but if I was focusing on the future and how long this situation was going to last - then I was just upset all the time and forgot to see the small good things that were happening around me all the time.

 

I also take time to express my frustration in a good way rather than hold it all in. I have one situation in my life that just saos the life out of me everytime I think of it. And I know that it will never get better, and most likely will progressively get worse. Most of the time I just smile and endure it but ever so often I have to find a friend and just weep, grumble, and express my frustrations. The emotional release that way usually helps, for a time anyway.

[Sparkle]

Denial can be a wonderful thing :001_smile:

[Little Nyssa]

Take care of yourself by eating right, sleeping right, taking time to rest-- so you will be ready to cope with the situation in best way you can. Plus pray.

[*Lulu*]

I always come back to a concept I learned about years ago (from Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People), which is very helpful in situations like this. The concept of your "circle of concern" vs. "your circle of influence".

 

Everything you're frustrated about, angry about, etc. is in your circle of concern. But your circle of influence is generally much smaller than your circle of concern. Your circle of influence includes those things that you actually have control over and can do something about.

 

The gist of the concept is that you will reduce your level of frustration and feelings of powerlessness greatly if you stay within your circle of influence and focus on what you can actually control - instead of getting stuck dwelling on things over which you have no real control. Then, among the concerns that are actually within your circle of influence, determine where you can take action to improve the situation.

 

Of course, applying this concept requires a conscious decision to stop thinking about (or at least greatly reduce the amount of time you allow yourself to think about) the things you can't control. I've found it very helpful in my own life, and the more you apply it, the more natural and easy it becomes.

 

ETA: I tried to attach a picture of the "circle of concern" vs. "circle of influence" (for the visual thinkers out there), but it didn't take. Here's a link that provides a brief overview of the concept: http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/circle.htm

 

I have several undesirable and unchangeable situations in my life, and have since the time I was in junior high. The above is very similar to the way I have learned to cope over the years.

 

The other things that have made a huge difference in how I react/feel are:

 

*prayer

*finding one positive thing I can do to mitigate the damage

*a safe person to vent to when needed

*when applicable, letting the others who are stuck in the crappy boat with me know how much I love them and how we will be okay. And that even if we aren't okay, we will still be together. Sometimes focusing on how others are dealing with the situation takes me to a place where my frustrations seem less consuming.

[Chris in VA]

Depends on the situation, of course.

 

I give it up to the Lord. I keep taking bits and pieces back, but I surrender it again.

 

Tremendous difference between giving up and GIVING UP (to God, Higher Power, etc.).

 

I am not always peaceful, I still cry, I still get angry. But I've decided to let it go as much as I can, being kind to myself and asking for grace to get thru it.

 

I do ask God to use the situation to do a good work in me, and to weed out anything in me that may contribute to it.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Too much good advice to quote everyone.

 

I'm trying really hard to suck it up and accept the situation. I've counted my blessings and I've considered how much worse it could be. I'm praying... a lot. I tend to be a planner so focusing on just the now is hard for me.

 

I think what makes it so difficult is that it isn't JUST this situation; it's issues with dh's work that is causing him huge amounts of stress, possible lay off...he is so stressed already and then we add the frustration of this current situation (MIL related). Plans we had for our future, ones that we have been planning on for a long time, have to be put off indefinitely or possibly may not happen at all. Plans that would have made life for my dc better. I think I'm grieving over that too.

 

I not only have to deal with my own frustrations but I have a husband that is depressed and frustrated and I can't help him. I have my older dc who are frustrated with the situation and I'm trying to help them through their feelings too. It's hard to convice my dc that things are great when I don't believe it.

 

I feel like I'm juggling everyone's emotions, trying to be the rock, the glue, the comfort ... I do a pretty good job of acting those parts but I'm just weary and I want my happy life back.

 

I'll try more prayer definitely. Hopefully that and time will help. This is all still relatively new and nerves are raw. I wonder too if I just need to go off by myself one day and scream and cry and throw things. I don't know...that seems to work for my 2yo. Thanks for listening...it does help to just be able to vent about it; get it off my chest and hear that others deal with these situations too (many probably far worse than mine.) Hmmm, maybe that is what make this hard too. Up until now dh and I have had a really, really good life; no long term issues to have to deal with. We had our 5 year plan and our 10 year plan and some wonderful things to look forward to coming up in the near future. Uugh, you all know what I'm talking about...we were spoiled and now we got the rug pulled out from under us through no fault of our own. Ick, self pity feels yucky.:tongue_smilie:

 

Really, thank you all so much. I do feel a little better.:D

[YLVD]

There are so many things like this in my life that I don't even know where to start. Some of it is related to DD and her health issues, learning disability. I've come to peace with some of that.

 

The biggest thing is that I have bipolar disorder and feel like I have no idea what I will feel like when I wake up the next morning. I'm on medication but it only does so much.

 

As far as dealing with the frustration, I go to therapy appointments and try to take hold of things that I can gain control of. Part of my frustration is that I can't control it. Once you get into that mindset, things spiral downwards.

 

For the first time in my life, with the help of therapy, I sleep semi-normally. I worked so hard on that and it finally worked. Getting control of that makes me feel like there is some hope of gaining control of other parts of my life.

 

Also, this may sound ridiculous, but I tell myself that I'm lucky enough to have indoor plumbing and food. It doesn't always help when I'm feeling insane, but it does really help much of the time.

[Cassy]

I find talking to someone trusted and wise (often DH) is very therapeutic. I also meditate daily, and I find that when disturbing thoughts keep going round and round in my head, it can help enormously to go into a semi-meditative state, that is, I'm still going about my daily chores but breathing deeply and keeping my mind still.

 

Hope you find some peace.

 

:grouphug:

 

Cassy

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Sometimes it helps in something like that to offer it up as a sacrifice. It was once yours, that plan, and now it's not, so just give it up as a sacrifice.

 

One of the EO ladies here talked about God being the choreographer, which is an interesting description because it encompass so much. Who is coming on stage, who is going off, dance steps, so many people. Life like, no? :001_smile: You don't know what God is choreographing for you right now. When things like that happen to me, I tend to learn a few years later that something better was coming, but my plans and His didn't align and I needed to be danced off in a different direction so we could be positioned to receive what He had coming for us.

 

Like the house I'm in. Really, never in a million years would I have imagined I would be in this house, the house of the dreams I didn't even know about. We literally got backed into it, and I came kicking and screaming. We were going to buy a farm, never in this town, I hated this town. I wanted an organic farm with acres and animals. But nothing suited our family, the acreage wasn't good, the houses were too small, and then, they were sold as soon as we had interest. We put offers in and found out they wouldn't take the underground oil tanks up. They had an illegal garbage dump tucked away in a corner acre. Or, we used to laugh, if it was going to sell it was as soon as we liked it. Looking back now it's almost comedic, then it was sheer hell. We were so stressed, I was a wreck, crying and devastated.

 

We ahve a large family, our options were limited and the only large enough house to fit us was in town. In the town I refused to move to. And the clock was ticking. No moving back in with mom this time. ;)

 

I love this house. *love it* It has everything I ever asked God for in a house, and then some. If the timing wasn't perfect, we could have never afforded it. I found a church I love, a ministry I can be a part of.

 

So no, it wasn't MY plan, it ended up being the perfect one. But it's OK to mourn and cry. It's OK to be angry, God understands.

 

 

:grouphug:

[Bang!Zoom!]

Aime, I related very closely with the work situation. We've done it for three years, never knowing what's next or even for the day. I feel ya.

 

Anyway, the most powerful thing I know to tide me over is the power of faith and the literal power of the mouth.

 

Start talking aloud about the things/situations/environments you want.

 

There is just something about concentrating on the good and SAYING them aloud. Not just let them roll around in your head, but say them, speak them.

 

That behavior, speaking...seems to call out the spirit you know?

 

Some people call it the power of positive thinking; for me personally though, I believe it's a direct connection to the Holy Spirit to get busy in my life.

 

This might not or might not be helpful, not sure, but here it is if it helps. It's about the power of words (Joyce Meyer Speaker)

 

http://www.joycemeyer.org/BroadcastHome.aspx?video=Six_Things_to_Say_on_Purpose

Edited July 21, 2011 by one*mom

[Seeker of Schole]

Just jumping in with both feet here...

 

The most important is prayer, but the other thing I do is remind myself over and over (and over, and over, repeat...) that contentment is a choice. There will ALWAYS be something different about every situation that could theoretically make it better. I have to remind myself to choose to be contented, or even happy, with what I have or the situation I am in. Otherwise I can easily find myself if-only-ing or what-ifing away my life.

 

hkchik

DD (16)

DD (3)

[sbgrace]

I agree with a lot that is written here but I wanted to mention that this book, How People Change, is the most helpful thing I've read on dealing with these kinds of things. It comes from a Christian perspective but if you have that belief I really recommend the book. I should mention I didn't purchase the book with this in mind though indeed I'm dealing with painful circumstances beyond my control. I found it invaluable in changing my perspective on those circumstances.

[Trish]

If you have a situation in your life that you can't change and it is a source of extreme frustration, how do you get yourself into a frame of mind to get over the frustration, animosity and anger and have peace in your heart about it?

 

One place I like to start is comparing it to something worse. That gives me perspective.

 

"I have my health. I have my kids. I have my freedom. I have my life..."

 

Couple weeks ago we heard a colleage hubby used to work with back in our hometown hit a girl and killed her while driving drunk.

 

In one moment, the rest of his life is gone, along with hers. It didn't even happen to us, nor affect us, but it's given me some perspective.

[Kathleen in VA]

You've gotten some great advice - I've been blessed reading through everyone's replies. Of course, it depends on the situation but generally I do one of several things (or a combination of them).

 

1. The Serenity Prayer - I ask God to give me the grace to accept the things I cannot change (and I really do NEED his grace, it does not come naturally to me); change the things I can (this requires discipline on my part and that makes it hard sometimes) and most importantly, the wisdom to know the difference. Often I find myself trying to change things I simply have no power to change. I really need to have the difference pointed out to me sometimes.

 

2. I, too, consider that things could be so much worse. I think of books I've read or movies I've seen about people who've experienced so much more hardship and grief than I can ever imagine - The Hiding Place, The Endless Steppe, The Pianist, Schindler's List. Honestly, after contemplating those scenarios it doesn't take long for me to see that I'm really acting like a spoiled child sometimes.

 

3. Count my blessings. I write them down. Like others have said, just to have my health, healthy children, healthy husband, food on the table, a roof over our heads is enough - anything more than that is abundance.

 

4. Consider that God is protecting me somehow and/or planning something wonderful I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams.

 

5. Also, I have to be careful not to get bitter. I know God is good, He is in control of every detail, He never changes. I know everything in my life is working to conform me to the image of Christ (that is the "good" being referred to Romans 8:28). My definition of good is not the same as God's. He is the only one who knows the whole story, sees the big picture. My circumstances may seem bad to me, but that is because I am a finite human being with limitations. God is the only one who truly knows the details and I need to trust Him - I need to put my faith in His wisdom, goodness and love.

 

Here's an odd example from dh's life. In December 2007 dh's dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. Of course, no one wants cancer - it was devastating news for all of us. Dh and his dad (who was actually his step-dad since his real dad died when he was a baby) were on good terms but were never very close. Well, over the next year and a half dh took his stepdad to at least 50 doctor's appts, chemo treatments, radiology treatments, etc. After the medical part of the day they would go out to eat or just hang out. I'm thankful dh has a job that allowed him the time off to care for his dad. They got very close during that time.

 

Then in May of 2009 dh's dad was considered as a candidate for a new chemo drug, but he had to do some pretests first, one of which was some sort of heart evaluation. He learned then that he had extremely bad heart disease and that he would probably die of a heart attack before he died of the cancer! (those were the doctor's exact words) Two months later he suffered a massive heart attack and died a week after that. Well, it may seem strange to some, but my husband was so thankful that his dad got cancer because it was through all those medical appts and treatments that he and his dad got to really know each other. If dh's dad hadn't had cancer, things would have just gone on as they had the previous 40 or so years and then he would have lost his father without really getting to know him. He treasures those memories - they really had a blast together. Anyway, some huge griefs are really blessings in disguise. I know it sounds pat, but it really is true.

 

I hope your disappointment turns into a huge blessing for you.:grouphug:

Edited July 21, 2011 by Kathleen in VA

[Barb_]

There is always a way to make a really bad situation a little better. Sometimes feelings of guilt, or unworthiness or helplessness prevent us from taking certain courses of action, but there is always some angle to take to find a little relief.

 

Oh, and...if you aren't already doing it, take at least 1500mg of dha/epa a day. I find that I can handle things better if I feel better.

[CalicoKat]

Just jumping in with both feet here...

 

The most important is prayer, but the other thing I do is remind myself over and over (and over, and over, repeat...) that contentment is a choice. There will ALWAYS be something different about every situation that could theoretically make it better. I have to remind myself to choose to be contented, or even happy, with what I have or the situation I am in. Otherwise I can easily find myself if-only-ing or what-ifing away my life.

 

hkchik

DD (16)

DD (3)

:iagree: And remembering that life is never ideal. Reality is always different and sometimes a bit messy. Perfect endings are for books and movies. My perfect ending will be only because I choose to see it that way. And if I see it that way so will all the naysers (baa!) around me.

[Mommy22alyns]

I try not to think about it, which is very hard. This has been pretty much ongoing for 10 years too. I have seriously considered my options and my only option is to suck it up. Add depression, 2 kids who are realizing everything is not alright, and a DH who IS the problem... not good.

[Heather in Neverland]

Denial can be a wonderful thing :001_smile:

 

It's always sunny and 75 degrees in Denial!!! :lol:

 

I think "facing" your problems can be overrated. Sometimes things just suck and there is nothing you can do about it so I do what a PP said... I just get over it. I force myself to concentrate on the good in my life and do my best to pretend like the bad just isn't happening. Otherwise I would go insane.

[Rosie_0801]

I research stuff. If I keep researching, I can feel like the answer is out there sometimes and if I keep at it, I'll find it.

 

Rosie

[cin]

There's some good stuff in here. I'm not the OP, but thanks so much! I've been feeling the same way for a couple of months now. I'm a Christian but I've been wavering in my faith because of all that's been going on.

 

What's helped me get back on solid ground is just taking a month off. I mean OFF. I played Farmtown, did minimal housekeeping stuff. And probably ruined the new couch by sitting on it WAY. TOO. MUCH. over the past month :)

 

But I'm starting to feel better! I just needed to take a physical AND mental break. We have watched WAY TOO MUCH TV, but you know what. The kids are still alive and literate :tongue_smilie: I've been pleasantly surprised at how much they are able to do. They've obviously been coddled!

[J-rap]

I am in that situation now, and it's very difficult. I used to talk to my husband about everything, and he would always know just what to say, and I was always more peaceful! Now that the situation involves my husband (he had a massive brain injury), that doesn't work so well... I pray a lot, I try and concentrate on all of the little blessings in my life even in the midst of a terrible situation, I think about how this life here and now is only temporary, and a far better, more perfect one lies ahead. I concentrate on how to make life good and fun still for my five children, and of course even for my husband. I take time out to drink a good cup of coffee. I remember other lives that have held far more tragedy than ours. I pray some more.

[Kathleen in VA]

I am in that situation now, and it's very difficult. I used to talk to my husband about everything, and he would always know just what to say, and I was always more peaceful! Now that the situation involves my husband (he had a massive brain injury), that doesn't work so well... I pray a lot, I try and concentrate on all of the little blessings in my life even in the midst of a terrible situation, I think about how this life here and now is only temporary, and a far better, more perfect one lies ahead. I concentrate on how to make life good and fun still for my five children, and of course even for my husband. I take time out to drink a good cup of coffee. I remember other lives that have held far more tragedy than ours. I pray some more.

 

:grouphug:

[Unicorn.]

My sister forwarded this to our brother and me today, because we are going through some rough times right now too. Hope it helps:

 

Lisa Beamer on Good Morning America - If you remember, she's the

wife of Todd Beamer who said 'Let's Roll!' and helped take down

the plane over Pennsylvania that was heading for Washington, DC back

on 9/11.

 

She said it's the little things that she misses most about Todd, such

as hearing the garage door open as he came home, and her children

running to meet him. She's now the Mom of a beautiful little girl,

Mary.

 

Lisa recalled this story:

"I had a very special teacher in high school many years ago whose

husband died suddenly of a heart attack. About a week after his

death, she shared some of her insight with a classroom of students.

As the late afternoon sunlight came streaming in through the

classroom windows and the class was nearly over, she moved a few things

aside on the edge of her desk and sat down there.

 

With a gentle look of reflection on her face, she paused and said,

Class is over, I would like to share with all of you, a thought that is

unrelated to class, but which I feel is very important.

 

Each of us is put here on earth to learn, share, love, appreciate and

give of ourselves. None of us knows when this fantastic experience will

end. It can be taken away at any moment..

 

Perhaps this is the powers way of telling us that we must make the most

out of every single day. Her eyes, beginning to water, she went on,

'So I would like you all to make me a promise. From now on, on your way

to school, or on your way home, find something beautiful to notice.

 

It doesn't have to be something you see, it could be a scent, perhaps of

freshly baked bread wafting out of someone's house, or it could be the

sound of the breeze slightly rustling the leaves in the trees, or the

way the morning light catches one autumn leaf as it falls gently to the

ground. Please look for these things, and cherish them. For, although

it may sound trite to some, these things are the "stuff" of life.

The little things we are put here on earth to enjoy. The things we

often take for granted.

 

The class was completely quiet. We all picked up our books and filed out

of the room silently. That afternoon, I noticed more things on my way

home from school than I had that whole semester.

 

Every once in a while, I think of that teacher and remember what an

impression she made on all of us, and I try to appreciate all of those

things that sometimes we all overlook.

 

Take notice of something special you see on your lunch hour today.

Go barefoot. Or walk on the beach at sunset. Stop off on the way home

tonight to get a double dip ice cream cone. For as we get older, it is

not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I've spent some time tonight thinking about all of the things that you all have said. It really has helped and I wish that I would have posted about this sooner instead of keeping it bottled up. Dh has so much on his mind now...I don't share all of my frustrations with him.

 

I do have a lot to be thankful for; healthy children, my health, dh has diabetes but it is controlled. I get to stay home with my dc and do something I love to do. I have a good relationship with my parents and my sister and they live close by. We have a nice house, no debt other than our house, and although we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck we still have a small amount to put into savings. I have a wonderful relationship with my dc and an exceptional marriage.

 

When I really think about these things and even more so, when I write them down, I realize that I'm blessed, really blessed. So, even though I know things could be so, so much worse, I still feel this frustration and animosity regarding the situation. The frustration arises from not knowing what lies ahead and the animosity arises from the fact that if other people had stepped up and done the right thing then we wouldn't be bearing this burden on our shoulders.

 

I have always, in the past, dealt with situations in a constructive manner. If I didn't like a situation I would dig in and do what needed to be done to change it. I can't do that this time...it's out of my hands and into His. But I am not a patient person and I don't like surprises.

 

I have probably come across as a very spoiled, impatient, ungrateful person in this post. After reading about people dealing with 10 years of a frustrating situation, a husband with brain damage, a husband that IS the problem, medical conditions, issues with dc...oh, great. Now, not only do I still feel bad about my situation but now I feel like a whiney brat too. Thanks? :tongue_smilie::lol: I'm KIDDING of coarse. You have helped me. I warmly thank you all and will be re-reading tomorrow and the next day and probably the next until your words sink in and wipe those stinky feelings out of my head and heart. :grouphug: to each of you for reaching out and :grouphug::grouphug: for all of you who have your own stinky feelings to contend with.

[kalanamak]

I do the best I can to live up to my personal standards of behavior and ethics, and let the rest wash down my back.

 

These things, too, shall pass.

[Unicorn.]

:grouphug: You do not sound like a whiny brat. Situations that arise because of other people's actions that affect you negatively are the worst! Go ahead and be angry. It's ok. Be sad. It's ok. Throw a pillow if you need to. It's ok. Yes, there is always someone who has it worse than we do, but that doesn't make our problems any less significant, just different. Do not feel quilty about feeling your feelings. Just try and find something good to focus on for you. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Oh, and I find chocolate helps sometimes too.