Baby Shower invitation - tacky?

[YLVD]

I got the invitation today for my SIL's shower. It's very nicely done, but included a gift tag for me to attach to my gift, with lines for who it's from and what the gift is (I guess to prevent someone having to keep track during the shower), and on the back is a spot to slide in the gift receipt (labeled - otherwise I wouldn't have known why it was there). This seems really tacky to me. It was all put together out of fancy scrapbook papers & ribbon - would have actually been less work to get one of the grandmas to write down the gifts, like every other shower I've ever been to. Has anyone else seen/done something like this? Am I just behind the times?

 

I tend to not care about etiquette issues and I'm rarely offended by this stuff. However, this is really tacky IMO

 

Oh and I love gift registries.

Edited July 18, 2011 by YLVD

[Tangerine]

I feel like people are offended at the breach of etiquette, not at the actual feeling the etiquette is supposedly trying to prevent. Does that make sense? Like no one actually thinks "I'm so offended that this woman expects a gift from me!", rather they think "I'm so offended at this poor etiquette". Which seems a fruitless exercise. I feel the same way about manners. If manners are to make the other person comfortable, and in this day and age most women will feel UNcomfortable if a man gets up every time she enters or leaves the room, then who are the manners really helping? It becomes a weird show.

[CAMom]

I've only read a few replies but...

 

On first reading I thought it might be tacky.

 

But after thinking about it:

 

1. It eliminates me having to spend several minutes looking for and several dollars buying a card at the store.

 

2. In the case of a scrapbooking mom, it will satisfy her desire for a pretty page which I can fully support. :)

 

3. On the receipt pocket-I usually put my gift receipt in the card. Since I wouldn't be buying a card in this case, I would need a place to put the receipt. One designed right into the tag? Brilliant! :D

 

4. I don't think it's begging for or demanding a gift. It's more-If you were already going to bring a gift, here's a nifty convenience item to use.

 

I've never come in contact with this "trend" but I don't see anything wrong with it.

[YLVD]

Wow, just wow. I think an invite just stating you need to give cash would have been more in my comfort zone.

 

:iagree:

[CAMom]

 

It's not the kind of thing I would go out online once I received an invitation to see if I should be insulted by the invitation. You either are insulted or you aren't, I really don't see why you need to check with other people.

 

I know sometimes I come here to ask a question like this because I may feel offended but I'm willing to consider other options. I did think the idea was tacky at first but, upon further thought, I changed my mind.

 

I've changed my mind lots of times after reading some other perspectives. It can help me keep myself in check.

[K&Rs Mom]

I know sometimes I come here to ask a question like this because I may feel offended but I'm willing to consider other options.

 

Sigh. This is what I tried to get across in the OP - my first instinct was that this is weird, then I thought maybe it's the new normal, so of course I check with the hive, because that's where the internet keeps all the best answers. ;) I knew that posting a question like this would get answers on both sides, and that's exactly what I wanted, along with the reasons for those answers.

 

I'm pretty sure SIL won't bother with a homeschooling board, but even if she did, I haven't said anything I would mind her seeing.

[Mom in High Heels]

Wow, just wow. I think an invite just stating you need to give cash would have been more in my comfort zone.

 

:iagree:

 

But then you would have been on here griping about how offended you are by someone asking for money.

 

IMO, who cares? Does everyone do everything perfectly all the time? No, of course not. In the grand scheme of things, is this really that big of a deal?

When I had my shower back in March, the hostesses did put the registry places on the invite. I certainly didn't ask them to, but they did. I don't think anyone was offended. And if they were, I really had more to worry about than their tender sensibilities.

[indigomama]

I think it's a great way to make a pretty page in the baby book about what gifts were received.

 

Also, where I grew up, everyone felt it was a pain when no registry was included in the invite. People want to know what the mom wants/needs. I try to buy something really practical from the registry and then include something small that is either homemade or just fun. I want to bless the new mom.

 

And including the gift receipts is wonderful. One time someone gave me a gift and then said, "Oh, let me know if you want the receipt." I would never ask someone for the receipt, it would let them know you definitely didn't want their gift, just include it, please.

 

Some of these threads are a little funny to me because the people/culture/time I grew up in just aren't that big of sticklers for etiquette.

[Sparkle]

I'm in the "it's tacky" group. If I wanted something to go in a scrap book, I'd find a way to do it that didn't involve the guests having to list/show off their gifts and include a gift receipt. Why not just ask the guests to bring something that could go in a scrap book for the baby, and provide scrap booking supplies at the shower for the guests to make a page?

[mommaduck]

I'm in the "it's tacky" group. If I wanted something to go in a scrap book, I'd find a way to do it that didn't involve the guests having to list/show off their gifts and include a gift receipt. Why not just ask the guests to bring something that could go in a scrap book for the baby, and provide scrap booking supplies at the shower for the guests to make a page?

 

Not everyone is crafty. I know that most of DH's female relatives would rather be drawn and quartered before making a scrapbook page. They have a male attitude when it comes to certain things (give me the list, let me choose something off of it, and KISS).

[QueenCat]

If I wanted something to go in a scrap book, I'd find a way to do it that didn't involve the guests having to list/show off their gifts and include a gift receipt. Why not just ask the guests to bring something that could go in a scrap book for the baby, and provide scrap booking supplies at the shower for the guests to make a page?

 

That reminds me of one shower I went to recently. Upon arrival, we were offered drinks and then sent to a scrapbooking area. We were asked to write a note on one of the pieces of cute paper, and decorate as we wished. They supplied plenty of cute die-cuts and accessories, so it was easy. And got everyone talking, which was nice since many of us did not know each other.

[Slartibartfast]

I've come up with a new rule for these occasions: What Would a Man Do? If they wouldn't notice or care, perhaps I should reconsider why I do and decide whether it's something I should continue to care about or not.

 

Herm...I don't think that would actually work with most women.

 

 

Also, my dh is laid back but BIL is anal. There would be wild variations depending on the man

[Haiku]

I feel like people are offended at the breach of etiquette, not at the actual feeling the etiquette is supposedly trying to prevent. Does that make sense? Like no one actually thinks "I'm so offended that this woman expects a gift from me!", rather they think "I'm so offended at this poor etiquette". Which seems a fruitless exercise. I feel the same way about manners. If manners are to make the other person comfortable, and in this day and age most women will feel UNcomfortable if a man gets up every time she enters or leaves the room, then who are the manners really helping? It becomes a weird show.

 

Well stated. Etiquette annoys me because it seems to be more about adhering to rules than about being friendly, cheerful, accepting, and comfortable. People get all het up about crap that doesn't matter and doesn't affect them at all. We've had a million discussions on this board about "It's rude to expect gifts!!!" and "It's rude to show up at a party without gifts!!" I'm always thinking, "Are you going to take a gift to the party because you think it's the right thing to do? Then who cares whether there was a registry mentioned in the invite?? Find something real to worry about!"

 

I'm far more interested in what makes my friends and family comfortable than I am about what some "manners expert" who doesn't live where I live and doesn't know me, my friends, and my family thinks is proper.

 

Tara

[gardenmom5]

I got the invitation today for my SIL's shower. It's very nicely done, but included a gift tag for me to attach to my gift, with lines for who it's from and what the gift is (I guess to prevent someone having to keep track during the shower), and on the back is a spot to slide in the gift receipt (labeled - otherwise I wouldn't have known why it was there). This seems really tacky to me. It was all put together out of fancy scrapbook papers & ribbon - would have actually been less work to get one of the grandmas to write down the gifts, like every other shower I've ever been to. Has anyone else seen/done something like this? Am I just behind the times?

 

wow. :w00t: I've seen similar, I ignore whatever I consider tacky. registry info has been included on invitations for years - I ignore those too. pretty soon, they'll include the thank you cards for you to fill out for youself. . . /sarc.

 

If you want to use the tag, just put your name. if you don't want to use it, use your own tag and put your name with whatever message you want to include. (i prefer to stock blank cards as I can use them for most of what I ever need a card for.)

[Lovemyblessings]

Wow- I guess my thinking is different from many others. I've never felt gift registries of any kind were appropriate. Whether for a wedding or shower of any kind. What happened to sharing in the blessing of cherished company and graciously receiving gifts that the buyer/maker put thought into? Of course, if someone asks what you need or would like- by all means, do tell :) But it seems rude to assume people want to shop from your pre-made list.

[YLVD]

Not everyone is crafty. I know that most of DH's female relatives would rather be drawn and quartered before making a scrapbook page. They have a male attitude when it comes to certain things (give me the list, let me choose something off of it, and KISS).

 

OMG, this is me. My own personal hell is having to do crafts of any kind!

 

I like the list.

[mommaduck]

Wow- I guess my thinking is different from many others. I've never felt gift registries of any kind were appropriate. Whether for a wedding or shower of any kind. What happened to sharing in the blessing of cherished company and graciously receiving gifts that the buyer/maker put thought into? Of course, if someone asks what you need or would like- by all means, do tell :) But it seems rude to assume people want to shop from your pre-made list.

 

I've never used a registry (attempted to once at WM, but only under pressure). Many people I know don't have money to go throwing around. I'm a deal shopper myself. I figured that most of the people that were attending my bridal shower already knew what goes in a home. Many don't have money for the fancier places with expensive items (and some useless items). The only people I've seen take a registry seriously, had money and expensive tastes. In that case, I would just buy a hunk of crystal and call it a day. (not saying this is everyone, but I'm also a "just buy me what I'll need, keep it simple, and if it's from your heart, even better" type of person)

[jewellsmommy]

I think the gift tag w/ built in receipt holder is a clever idea, and I don't find it tacky to include registry information in the invitation. Many people find it incredibly helpful. One still has the option to shop independent of the registry.

 

 

I feel this way too. Unfortunately, I was never taught etiquette :lol:. I bet I have ticked off a lot of people over the years. :blush:

 

I think about whether things are considerate, kind or rude; but not so much about formalities. I can be a very practical person. If the info I need is in the invitation then great, that is one or two less phone calls I have to make. You know how it goes, you call mom to be and ask where the registry is, then she tells you "oh, you don't have to bring a gift, just bring yourself...blah, blah." That is all well and good, but I am taking a gift even it is just a box of wipes. I am bringing something. Finally, you get the info you need. :tongue_smilie: That was time I could have spent on something else. :D

[jewellsmommy]

Wow- I guess my thinking is different from many others. I've never felt gift registries of any kind were appropriate. Whether for a wedding or shower of any kind. What happened to sharing in the blessing of cherished company and graciously receiving gifts that the buyer/maker put thought into? Of course, if someone asks what you need or would like- by all means, do tell :) But it seems rude to assume people want to shop from your pre-made list.

 

 

I can see this too, but I think it can work the other way around. For instance, if I only have ten dollars to spend on a gift, I obviously don't want to ask "What can I buy you that is in the $10 range :lol:?" And, I hate the idea of wasted money. It would bother me to know that I bought something, even if only $10, and it sat in a drawer until your first yard sale. But, if you have a registry, I can find something on there for the right amount and know that it wasn't wasted money.

 

On the flip side, if someone asked me what to buy for me, I don't want to tell them one or two things that are expensive when they might not be planning to spend that. It can be equally offensive to assume that they don't have or don't want to spend the money and I tell them to get me stuff at the dollar store :lol:.

[LizzyBee]

I'm in the "it's tacky" group. If I wanted something to go in a scrap book, I'd find a way to do it that didn't involve the guests having to list/show off their gifts and include a gift receipt. Why not just ask the guests to bring something that could go in a scrap book for the baby, and provide scrap booking supplies at the shower for the guests to make a page?

 

Asking the guests to make the scrapbook page would be tacky in my opinion. And it would be very, very stressful for those of us who are challenged in that department. :tongue_smilie:

[Shellydon]

I don't have a problem with her asking the question here. I think the responses are helpful (maybe not yours).

 

:lol:

[phathui5]

I think it's fine. Mom gets to keep the tags and grandma isn't spending the shower writing down what people brought.

[LizzyBee]

That reminds me of one shower I went to recently. Upon arrival, we were offered drinks and then sent to a scrapbooking area. We were asked to write a note on one of the pieces of cute paper, and decorate as we wished. They supplied plenty of cute die-cuts and accessories, so it was easy. And got everyone talking, which was nice since many of us did not know each other.

 

I would have seen the scrapbook supplies and tried to think of a polite excuse to leave. You have no idea how stressful that kind of situation is for people who have zero talent for crafts.

[Tangerine]

Holy moly. I'm starting to think you can't win. I co-planned 2 baby showers in the last 6 months. One was all crystal cups and Provence themed. One was paper plates and serve yourself. I'm sure someone was offended at each of them, and should have attended the other.

[Audrey]

Demand (perceived or outright) for a gift is a breach of etiquette.

 

On the other hand, gifts are the whole purpose for a shower, hence showers being thrown by someone other than the guest of honor. If it was enclosed in a wedding invitation, THAT would be tacky. In a shower invite, I think that's clever.

 

 

:iagree: It's a very clever idea. You don't have to put the receipt in the little pocket either. It's a convenience for you and the recipient. She won't have to ask you for it later and you won't have to dig around for it.

 

Showers have SOOOOO much potential for tackiness, but I don't think that this qualifies.

[Denisemomof4]

I dont really find that offensive but it brought back memories of a time where everyone invited to a shower were handed a thank you card and we all had to address them ourselves. They were pre -signed, if you will, with a label we were to affix.on the inside of the card. After placing the label inside the card we were to address and seal shut. When mine came in the mail i promptly threw it away without opening up. What was the point?

 

Talk about tacky!!!

[angela in ohio]

I think including registry cards or info is not great for weddings, birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, etc. I think it is a lack of manners to indicate in any way that you expect to be given a gift (you shouldn't expect it) in the invitation. you are being invited to celebrate and share an event. It's fine to register, but then when people call with their RSVPs, they ask where they are registered or what they need. And if they just want to buy what they want, they don't ask.

 

I think baby and wedding showers are a very different matter, though. The entire point of attending is the "shower" the mother or bride with things she needs, so the etiquette of not mentioning gifts is gone. I still think it's nicer to just have the guests ask when they call the aunt or friend with their RSVPs, but I can understand a registry card.

 

I think the gift tags would be fine, except for the part where you have to fill in the gift (I also think being asked to write my own thank you note envelope is rude.) What's next... unwrap the present yourself? :D

[Abigail4476]

I think it's thoughtful. It's always a good idea to include gift receipts so that things that are duplicates or unneeded can be exchanged for something else. How is it rude to supply a little tag with a spot for gift receipts? I'm all for following *protocol*, but I don't really see how this is rude.

[LizzyBee]

I dont really find that offensive but it brought back memories of a time where everyone invited to a shower were handed a thank you card and we all had to address them ourselves. They were pre -signed, if you will, with a label we were to affix.on the inside of the card. After placing the label inside the card we were to address and seal shut. When mine came in the mail i promptly threw it away without opening up. What was the point?

 

Talk about tacky!!!

 

Wow! I've been at showers where everyone addresses their envelope, and I thought that was a thoughtful gesture. But the bride/new mom wrote the notes!

[Colleen in NS]

I got the invitation today for my SIL's shower. It's very nicely done, but included a gift tag for me to attach to my gift, with lines for who it's from and what the gift is (I guess to prevent someone having to keep track during the shower), and on the back is a spot to slide in the gift receipt (labeled - otherwise I wouldn't have known why it was there). This seems really tacky to me. It was all put together out of fancy scrapbook papers & ribbon - would have actually been less work to get one of the grandmas to write down the gifts, like every other shower I've ever been to. Has anyone else seen/done something like this? Am I just behind the times?

 

I must be *really* behind the times, because I have never even heard of giving a receipt to the person being honoured, nevermind having to write out what the gift is on a gift tag. Both things seem bizarre to me, although I understand the logic behind the reasons being given here.

 

I was brought up to say "thank you" and give a "thank you" card when someone gave me something, no matter if I liked it/could use it or not. In my mind, the giver went to some sort of effort, whether it be spending money or crafting something, and I owe them my appreciation. And I've had wedding and baby showers and still felt that obligation towards the people who so kindly showed up and gave me things. I feel that if I'm the one who decided to get married or decided to let myself get pregnant and expect a baby, why should I expect others to give to me or work for me at my shower (filling out addresses, doing my scrapbooking, etc.)? If they are giving, it's because they want to when they come celebrate with me (and I'd rather just socialize than watch them work for me at the party). But I still feel I need to reciprocate (and make my own list of givers or recruit a friend to write the gifts down for me - or, just keep the gift tags with the gifts so I'd remember who gave me what). As for receipts, if I got duplicates of items (like too many packages of newborn diapers), it was simple enough for me to go exchange things. I think I'd be very embarrassed to open up a gift and see a receipt inside!!

 

I think this seems to be one of those things that is like whether or not you should take shoes off in the house. :lol:

[5kidsforME]

I would have seen the scrapbook supplies and tried to think of a polite excuse to leave. You have no idea how stressful that kind of situation is for people who have zero talent for crafts.

 

 

Uh, yeah..talk about tacky!! :tongue_smilie:

[ChristineW]

I think that it is very clever and cute. Then again, I love registries. Makes it easy--especially for long-distance but beloved relatives.

 

Gift receipts have become more important as stores have become stricter about returns. I try to always tape them on the box or put them in the card. We received three toasters at our wedding--I'm glad we were able to return two and buy a blender.

[gardening momma]

I must be *really* behind the times, because I have never even heard of giving a receipt to the person being honoured, nevermind having to write out what the gift is on a gift tag. Both things seem bizarre to me, although I understand the logic behind the reasons being given here.

 

.....

 

I think I'd be very embarrassed to open up a gift and see a receipt inside!!

Gift receipts are very common, and I'm grateful for them. My problem is remembering to ask for one at the register when I buy and remembering to include it with the gift. I would not be embarrassed to see one when I open a gift, or to give one with a gift. They don't include the amount paid or if it was on sale.

 

When we got married we got quite a few duplicates, even though we were registered for gifts. Some people aren't good at handling registeries (MIL comes to mind). They either forget to have the cashier scan the barcode on the registery or they print the list and hold onto it for days or weeks before buying (MIL) so by that time, someone else has bought the gift too. It was hard to figure out where some of our wedding gifts came from (like I said, we had a lot of duplicates, so I did a lot of exchanging). We ended up with some that we had to keep. I think there's still some in the basement somewhere.

 

There was one item that I registered for and received 2 of--a large pizza pan that didn't fit in my oven. I returned one because I had a receipt--some stores make it very hard to return things without a receipt--and still had the other when we moved to a new house with an oven that fit my pan. :001_smile:

[Colleen in NS]

Gift receipts are very common, and I'm grateful for them. My problem is remembering to ask for one at the register when I buy and remembering to include it with the gift. I would not be embarrassed to see one when I open a gift, or to give one with a gift. They don't include the amount paid or if it was on sale.

 

OK, now I'm thinking, "Here is something else I've never heard of - gift receipts." I thought people were just talking about plain old receipts that you get when you pay for something.

 

I dunno, I've never heard of this practice, and have sure never heard of gift receipts, but I've been to many showers. I guess I'm a simple girl - the whole registry thing, too, always has my head spinning. I never signed up for one for my wedding or babies, and I've never bought from one. But, if asked, I will say what I need; and if invited, I will try and figure out what the person needs or what I can give that I KNOW will be useful even in quadruplicate. :D

 

Like I said, shoes on or off in the house?:lol:

[catz]

Uh, yeah..talk about tacky!! :tongue_smilie:

 

LOL - well personally, I think most shower games are tacky. :D

[Abigail4476]

OK, now I'm thinking, "Here is something else I've never heard of - gift receipts." I thought people were just talking about plain old receipts that you get when you pay for something.

 

I dunno, I've never heard of this practice, and have sure never heard of gift receipts, but I've been to many showers. I guess I'm a simple girl - the whole registry thing, too, always has my head spinning. I never signed up for one for my wedding or babies, and I've never bought from one. But, if asked, I will say what I need; and if invited, I will try and figure out what the person needs or what I can give that I KNOW will be useful even in quadruplicate. :D

 

Like I said, shoes on or off in the house?:lol:

 

As someone else pointed out, stores have stricter return policies than they used to, so if you're a bride or new mother, you can't go in and exchange something simply because you claim it was a gift and that it's brand new. I recall not needing a receipt to exchange gifts at Dillard's after my husband and I were married. That wouldn't be possible now, so I think it's considerate to include the gift receipt if possible. When you make a gift purchase, you simply ask the clerk, "Could I have a gift receipt please?" They'll print one that has the items listed, but doesn't include the cost/tax/total. I don't feel that it's mandatory that I include a gift receipt; I do feel that it's thoughtful to include one, so I usually do.

 

As for registries--I love them for people I don't know all that well--acquaintances or extended family. For close friends or family, I feel free to buy something I know they will like even if it isn't on the registry. However, if I know they registered for things they truly need to set up house or set up for a new baby, I'm likely to choose something from the registry.

[Abigail4476]

I dont really find that offensive but it brought back memories of a time where everyone invited to a shower were handed a thank you card and we all had to address them ourselves. They were pre -signed, if you will, with a label we were to affix.on the inside of the card. After placing the label inside the card we were to address and seal shut. When mine came in the mail i promptly threw it away without opening up. What was the point?

 

Talk about tacky!!!

 

:ack2: Wow, that is REALLY tacky. I wouldn't have even filled one out. :ack2:

[Wheres Toto]

I like when registry information is included in the invitation. Unless I am extremely close to the person, it's not always that easy to come up with a gift. I also personally hate talking on the phone any more than is strictly necessary. Plus, there's always the possibility of getting an answering machine or voice mail when calling to rsvp. So, you give your rsvp but ask them to call you back with registry information, so they call and get your voice mail but it's hard to understand the details of the website so you have to call back to get the details and get their voice mail again..... I see including it as a convenience for me but not a dictate to purchase from it.

 

I also like the idea of including gift receipts. I would never think of asking someone for a receipt because that would seem very rude - like I'm announcing to them that I don't care for their gift. But, I think most people certainly don't need more stuff sitting around that they can't use or is a duplicate.

[Mom in High Heels]

I don't understand all the registry hate. When we announced we were getting married and when we announced both pregnancies, the first thing people said after "congratulations" was "Where are you registered?" Registries make it easier for the gift giver. You're not obligated to buy off the registry, but in the case of a wedding, if you want to purchase a set of china or flatware, it's listed. If it weren't how would you know what pattern? If you wanted to give a toaster or blender, you could check the registry to see if one has already been purchased. When we got married, many of the older relatives did not go off our registry (which was fine, it's the thought), but dh and I ended up returning over $2000 of duplicate items to the same store. We had 4 toasters, 5 deep fryers (which is apparently a staple when you get married in the South :001_smile:), 3 vacuums, multiple irons (boy, they did not know me!), blenders, bedding, and more towels than we could ever use. Yes, they all came from the same store. Thankfully, this was way before stores got so tight about returns or I don't know what we would have done with it all.

 

For baby registries, I don't see a problem with a mom-to-be putting down items she wants or needs. If she has a particular pattern for the nursery, she can put it down instead of being inundated with multiple things that don't match or aren't her taste. Some moms use specific items (we used Dr. Brown's bottles) and it's easier for her if she gets what she's going to use rather than have to take it all back.

 

I also think it's far easier to do a registry with things from all price ranges. I hate when someone asks, what I want/need. I never know what to say because I have no idea what their price range is. If it's on a registry, they can look for a gift in their price range (if the bride or mom-to-be is smart enough to put things in all price ranges).

[snickelfritz]

I get it. I'm mannerless and tacky. But, as an invitee:

 

I like the tag idea.

 

I like gift registries. If I know the person well and want to get something that's not on the registry, I do. Few people make homemade items. I have never seen a receiver who wasn't delighted by it, but I think that most people WANT to buy off of the registry. At least, in my circle of friends.

 

I always include the gift receipts, because stores around here do not let you return/exchange without them. I try to pick gifts carefully, but I WANT them to return duplicates for something different. Isn't the point to get them something they can/will use?

 

I like when the registry info is included in the invite, since it's one less phone call I have to make.

 

I like e-vites, because it cuts out the phone calls completely.

 

This is all said as the invitee, since I can't think of the last time I planned a shower and it's been years since I've had one thrown for me.

Edited July 19, 2011 by snickelfritz

[Princess Peach]

I love registries, but I seem to be a dolt at using them.

 

When DH and I were getting married, I did not create a registry. I had a few people say they wished I had. So with our 1st pregnancy (a year later), I did a baby registry. People knew about it. Not one person bought from it. Not one.

 

More recently, I got a couple things for my SIL on her baby registry. This was at Target. The lady at the register scanned the print-outs. When I got to the shower, someone else had given the same gifts. And they were opened first. I felt like an idiot. :glare:

 

So, yeah, registries are good in theory.

[snickelfritz]

More recently, I got a couple things for my SIL on her baby registry. This was at Target. The lady at the register scanned the print-outs. When I got to the shower, someone else had given the same gifts. And they were opened first. I felt like an idiot.

 

Don't feel like an idiot. I have seen this happen frequently, which is why I always give gift receipts. I think there is a lag in updating the system, even though it's computerized. If you buy within a few hours of each other, the system isn't accurate. With my oldest child, I got 2 of the same pack'n plays at a shower. It was off my registry. Both had obviously used the registry, so the system botched something up. We all laughed about it and went on. I returned one and put the money towards an extra car seat.

[Dobela]

Don't feel like an idiot. I have seen this happen frequently, which is why I always give gift receipts. I think there is a lag in updating the system, even though it's computerized. If you buy within a few hours of each other, the system isn't accurate. With my oldest child, I got 2 of the same pack'n plays at a shower. It was off my registry. Both had obviously used the registry, so the system botched something up. We all laughed about it and went on. I returned one and put the money towards an extra car seat.

Sometimes I think that people don't know how to use the registry at places now. I was guilty of buying gifts off a registry list but not telling the store it was off a list. So it was never scanned. Honestly, I didn't know that I should have the registry itself scanned at the checkout.

[anissa]

I haven't gone through all 10 pages of responses so forgive me if I am repeating. When I read the description of your invitation I thought it sounded like an idea out of some parenting magazine. I was intriqued by those magazines during my first pregnancy but found them laughable after I had real children in the real world.

[Robyn]

wow. :w00t: I've seen similar, I ignore whatever I consider tacky. registry info has been included on invitations for years - I ignore those too. pretty soon, they'll include the thank you cards for you to fill out for youself. . . /sarc.

 

 

We were all given envelopes to address to ourselves at SIL's baby shower for our thank you cards. (I'm not making this up) She didn't send out thank you cards anyway. :D

 

I just had to laugh.

[Carol in Cal.]

We were all given envelopes to address to ourselves at SIL's baby shower for our thank you cards. (I'm not making this up) She didn't send out thank you cards anyway. :D

 

I just had to laugh.

 

See, I think that addressing those envelopes at the shower, which presumably was hosted by someone other than the happy mother, is OK. Using the 'sticker' method of WRITING the thank you cards, OTOH, is unbelievably tacky. And addressing envelopes at, say, a wedding or birthday party, which is hosted by the family that is also being honored, would be wrong wrong wrong.

[SonshineLearner]

Well, if it breaks, there are some places that just won't take things back now. With it on the registry, maybe, without it being on the registry, they can be stuck with a nice. broken. gift. So, not like when you bring say... a baby blanket that you made.

[Coffeetime]

I realize I'm old fashioned and totally in the minority, and I'm not criticizing anyone- but I personally think that registries for baby showers in and of themselves are tacky. :tongue_smilie: I personally would have never been comfortable asking for specific gifts to be given to me- *anything* I received for my babies was appreciated, even if it wasn't exactly what I would have picked myself. So, to the OP, yes, I would have found the tag a little tacky, but then again, I wince at the "I'm registered at..." cards, too.

[Carol in Cal.]

I realize I'm old fashioned and totally in the minority, and I'm not criticizing anyone- but I personally think that registries for baby showers in and of themselves are tacky. :tongue_smilie: I personally would have never been comfortable asking for specific gifts to be given to me- *anything* I received for my babies was appreciated, even if it wasn't exactly what I would have picked myself. So, to the OP, yes, I would have found the tag a little tacky, but then again, I wince at the "I'm registered at..." cards, too.

 

See, I separate the issue of having a registry from the issue of mentioning it in an invitation.

 

I think that having a registry is just fine, although it should include a range of prices and none of them outrageously high. But mentioning it in an invitation is pretty much wrong wrong wrong. The only partial exception is that for a bridal or baby shower hosted by a close friend (not a relative), although I still think that putting registry info into an invitation is borderline tacky, it's not quite so bad as a shower is always specifically a shower of presents. If it's hosted by a family member, though, not acceptable because it's asking for presents in the family. And really, it's best avoided at all.

 

The only graceful exception I can think of is a theme shower--like a recipe shower or something like that.

 

I gave a baby shower once where I asked each guest to bring a bead that had some symbolic significance. At the shower each guest presented it and talked about what it meant. Then she wrote it down on a card, which went into an album. The beads were strung. Since this were small items, not like real presents, I thought that that was OK.

[FaithManor]

In a previous thread on the etiquette of showers, what is okay, what is not, etc. Mrs. Mungo, one of our very wise ladies, brought up the concept of Micro-culture. She is very much pro-showers and multiple baby showers for moms, and I am not. At first we weren't quite understanding each other's view, until she brought up the fact that much cannot be imposed across regions because really, Americans no longer have a culture with norms that spread very far from one's own area.

 

Her micro-culture is military. Base-living many times, families that are moving all the time, cannot save items, have to reestablish a household on a regular basis, etc. families in her culture cannot save baby clothes, all the toys, all of the kitchen supplies etc. When one is moved by the military and the department of defense pays the bill, there is a limit on how much one can take. So, the practicalities of this life, along with the understanding amongst military families of what their life entails and the support they give one another when they do not even know each other, means there are a lot of baby showers, bridal showers, house warmings, etc. in order to help each other re-begin at the new post. This is 100% completely appropriate for the situation.

 

My mico-culture is one in which we live in a very rural county. There is only ONE department store - Walmart in the entire county. We live 50 minutes from the nearest Kohl's, JC Penney, Target, Macy's, etc. Our local Walmart is very poorly stocked and so very, very few moms and brides even register there. To include registry information for other stores in an invitation, is beyond rude because it assumes the family has the money and time to do a 100 minute commute plus shopping time. For many, the gas alone is $16.00-25.00. Additionally, the median income is very low and it usually represents two working parents without benefits. So again, if people attend the shower or the wedding, and if they bring a gift, they have not been able to afford much. People are embarassed to include gift receipts and so what the OP suggests, for our area, would be mightily rude and it would offend many. As a matter of fact, it would end in a shower with virtually no attendance. But, that does not mean it would be tacky or offensive in another locale.

 

Micro-culture...that's the key. If the OP's micro-culture is one in which this is considered a wonderful thing, so practical, handy, efficient, inoffensive, etc. then she should probably choose to happily go along with it or just do her own thing and be confident in that. There should be no expectation on the part of the receiver.

 

My sister lives in a micro-culture in which no one has showers of any kind, nor do they have high school graduation open-houses. When she married, his family was APPALLED that her friends in Michigan were thinking of throwing her a bridal shower. Just appalled. They bought her and her dh a wedding gift because they were family, but to have attended any kind of event in which the purpose was to get gifts - that's how they saw it - would be a social faux pax of the highest order. My sister has lived in that area for four years and in all that time has never been invited to a shower nor heard of a shower being thrown. As for weddings, she's been invited to three and neither bride was registered though they all lived within a reasonable distance of a decent mall....so I'm thinking, micro-culture here.

 

Faith