Wedding Etiquette

[Embassy]

I received an invitation to my nephew's wedding (husband's family). It was address to myself and my husband only. Does this mean that our children are not invited?

 

I'm not sure the bride wants children at her wedding and I know for sure she doesn't want them at her reception. Apparently, the children in the wedding party aren't going to attend the reception. Nothing has been said to me by her about it - it is all second or third hand. On Facebook I did see her tell my niece who had just turned 12 that she was old enough to come to her wedding.

 

My brother's sister (future MIL) says to just come to the ceremony with the kids and not stay for the reception. I don't want to do that if they aren't invited. Should I ask the bride? I don't know her well at all. I was friends with her on Facebook awhile back but she defriended everyone in her fiance's family. She is not on good terms with her future MIL. We aren't going the babysitter route. Either we all go or we all don't go. I just want to know for sure. This is an out of town wedding. I'm fine if she doesn't want us to go, but I'm not okay with going if she doesn't want my kids there. If you think I should clarify things with the bride what should I say?

 

UPDATE on page 5

Edited July 21, 2011 by Wehomeschool
Update on page 5

[dangermom]

I think you can assume that she doesn't want the kids there.

[Lovemyblessings]

I would not take the kids.

[RanchGirl]

I think you can assume that she doesn't want the kids there.

 

:iagree: if they were invited, they would be on the invitation.

[Harriet Vane]

I think you can assume that she doesn't want the kids there.

 

:iagree:

[G5052]

We've encountered this quite a bit over the years. Frankly it never even occurred to me NOT to invite all the kids when I was a bride, but we had a daytime wedding and made arrangements for those with children.

 

When it was a close friend's grown daughter for a wedding over two hours away with a late evening reception, I went alone and stayed just long enough at the reception to eat a little and greet the bride and groom, and then I drove home, arriving after midnight. Childcare under the circumstances was too complicated and expensive.

 

Then another friend had a late afternoon wedding where children were welcome at the ceremony, but not at the reception. They explicitly said no children at the reception. If I had brought the children with me, it would have taken me over two hours through heavy traffic to take them home and then return to the reception. The children really didn't know this person. So I went alone for just the ceremony, and then went home.

 

I heard later that the bride's family was hurt that I didn't go to the reception, but I felt like the OP. They set the rules which made it complicated for me to attend, so I attended the ceremony alone and then went home.

[WeeBeaks]

It sounds like they are not invited. Usually the inner envelope on the invitation would say "family" or "and kids" or something if it was everyone, even if the outer envelope only had the couple.

[QueenCat]

It sounds like they are not invited. Usually the inner envelope on the invitation would say "family" or "and kids" or something if it was everyone, even if the outer envelope only had the couple.

 

:iagree:Yes, this... often, the outer envelope will have just the adults. And then the inner will have either the adults or both. If only the adults are name, the children are not invited.

[Embassy]

Thanks! Looks like it is unanimous. It confirmed what I thought anyway. We'll have to risk hurting my sil's feelings. I don't think the bride and groom will care too much if we don't go.

[DianeW88]

:iagree: if they were invited, they would be on the invitation.

 

:iagree:This. If their names aren't on the invitation, they are not welcome at the wedding.

[amey311]

Is just having DH go not an option? We've done that for weddings that were child-free. Whoever is more invested in the wedding goes and the other parent stays home with the kids. DH even did this when his mother got married because the ceremony was on relatively short notice and we couldn't afford to fly all 4 of us out there at that time.

 

We're not of the "all of us or none of us" mindset.

 

I have told people who wanted child-free weddings that it would mean we couldn't go when we had younger children. I simply couldn't go to a child-free function when I had a nursling or a very high need toddler/preschooler. Thankfully the celebrants were gracious about our declining (unlike some of the stories I read where the celebrants are furious when some adults are unable to attend).

[Embassy]

Is just having DH go not an option?

 

It is Dh's family and he will not go if his children are not invited.

[mytwomonkeys]

I would assume no kids s well.

[Julie in CA]

We aren't going the babysitter route. Either we all go or we all don't go.

Umm...why? A night out with your sweetie at an elegant adult occasion doesn't sound like fun? :001_wub:

[Ellie]

The rule of thumb is that only the people's names written on the envelope are invited.

 

Properly, "and family" is not used (nor is "and guest"); the outer envelope would have Mr. and Mrs. Orkie Burbaster; the inner envelope would say, "Arnie and Alice Burbaster, and George, Fred, and Harold Burbaster."

[Ellie]

It is Dh's family and he will not go if his children are not invited.

Then you would RSVP by saying that you're not coming.

[Impish]

I honestly don't understand the idea of not going to a family wedding if children aren't in attendance.

 

I've just never seen a problem with ppl wanting an adult only occassion. But, I've also never agreed with the idea that all children should be included in all things at all times.

 

*shrug*

[kalanamak]

Should I ask the bride? I don't know her well at all. I was friends with her on Facebook awhile back but she defriended everyone in her fiance's family.

 

I'd send hubby for him to be with his family, and nice to them, but I wouldn't bother talking to someone of that caliber. She's likely to complain about you on her FB.

:grouphug:

[redsquirrel]

I honestly don't understand the idea of not going to a family wedding if children aren't in attendance.

 

I've just never seen a problem with ppl wanting an adult only occassion. But, I've also never agreed with the idea that all children should be included in all things at all times.

 

*shrug*

 

I would LOVE to go to a wedding without my kids, but I don't have access to all day childcare. And if the wedding is out of town or even a couple hours away (as all our family weddings have been) it means an overnight stay. If I can't get all day childcare, then I certainly don't have access to overnight childcare.

 

That is the only reason I don't attend weddings if I can't bring the kids. It's not that I have an issue to going places without my children, I just don't have any place to send them for hours and hours or overnight.

 

I have sent DH to a wedding without me. In that one situation, the wedding of his one ex-girlfriend I can't stand, my lack of childcare was a delightful excuse. :lol:

[whitestavern]

I honestly don't understand the idea of not going to a family wedding if children aren't in attendance.

 

I've just never seen a problem with ppl wanting an adult only occassion. But, I've also never agreed with the idea that all children should be included in all things at all times.

 

*shrug*

 

I agree. Weddings are expensive and I'd rather not invite some children than not be able to invite close adult family/friends. The only wedding my dc have been invited to was my brothers, and they were in the wedding party.

[Danestress]

If she were inviting the children, she would include their names. And then, if you call and clarify and she says that no, they are not invited, then when you give your regrets, she will know that you are responding to that lack of invitation of the children.

 

Just give your regrets.

[Impish]

I would LOVE to go to a wedding without my kids, but I don't have access to all day childcare. And if the wedding is out of town or even a couple hours away (as all our family weddings have been) it means an overnight stay. If I can't get all day childcare, then I certainly don't have access to overnight childcare.

 

That is the only reason I don't attend weddings if I can't bring the kids. It's not that I have an issue to going places without my children, I just don't have any place to send them for hours and hours or overnight.

 

I have sent DH to a wedding without me. In that one situation, the wedding of his one ex-girlfriend I can't stand, my lack of childcare was a delightful excuse. :lol:

I totally understand child care issues. To me, that's different from chosing not to attend based solely on it being an adult only event.

[Embassy]

I honestly don't understand the idea of not going to a family wedding if children aren't in attendance.

 

Family wedding - children = oxymoron to me. :D

 

We are a family unit and when asked to attend a family event either we all go or we all don't. Now, if it was a friend getting married I could understand one spouse going.

 

We kinda had an opposite wedding. We had no children in our wedding party and kids of family members attended. We were married on the beach and they played in the sand at their feet.

Edited July 18, 2011 by Wehomeschool

[A.Balaban]

Yea, I would just send your regrets. We had this issue too when DF had to go to a wedding. I was invited, but the wedding was 8 hours away, and DF was planning a carpool with a bunch of friends. If I had gone with DS, we would have taken our own car and had a LOT more gas cost. Plus, a hotel room. So yeah, I stayed home. :)

[Lovemyblessings]

My wedding was child free. Not because we didn't like children, but we wanted a very quiet, candlelight wedding outdoors at 9:30 pm. And it was absolutely beautiful and quiet. However, we spent the next two days at a large amusement park with all of the children in the family- our treat. It was a fun way to spend the weekend with the wee ones before leaving for our honeymoon- and we still had the peaceful wedding we wanted.

[Embassy]

I have no problem with child-free weddings. I want the bride to have her wedding the way she wants it.

[AnitaMcC]

Is just having DH go not an option? We've done that for weddings that were child-free. Whoever is more invested in the wedding goes and the other parent stays home with the kids. DH even did this when his mother got married because the ceremony was on relatively short notice and we couldn't afford to fly all 4 of us out there at that time.

 

We're not of the "all of us or none of us" mindset.

 

 

 

Same here. It really doesn't bother me and Dh at all if our kids are invited or not.

 

For immediate family such as Dh's siblings, we all went. Their weddings did include children. If the kids were not invited, then likely it would only be me or Dh depending on which side of the family the wedding was for. We have had to travel between 6-15 hours for them. And the BIL/SIL were brave to invite us when we were with 6 kids ranging in ages from preschool to middle school-LOL. My sister never got married, my brothers got married before Dh and I had kids. My stepsiblings, we didn't attend their weddings as they live in FL and we in IL. But if it had been possible, we would have attended and kids were invited.

 

For a neice/nephew or friends of family wedding... If kids invited, great. If not, then we both go if it is easy for both of us to go. We would make it a special date night or weekend for us. Would be nice to go out some times just as adults and not worry about youngest Ds disappearing on us (he is on autism spectrum and tends to waunder) or the boys fighting and just getting rambunctious.

 

It also would depend on how much Dh, me, and our kids are very much a part of the bride/groom lives. My brother and stepsisters kids... we only send Christmas cards back and forth. Just geographical issues and busy lives. We aren't "not speaking" for any reasons. But if my brother's kids were to get married, I doubt we would attend the wedding anyway.

 

But we also know that our boys are NOT the best behaved when they are together. It just isn't a very good mix for their personalities. We are very careful about where and what we do as a whole family because of the boys. As they are getting older, it is getting better. But Ds#1 hates socializing, Ds#2 tends to get bored easily unless he has room to run, Ds#3 is great... as long as he has his GameBoy DS with him (otherwise he wanders).

Edited July 18, 2011 by AnitaMcC

[ChristusG]

I wouldn't go if my kids weren't invited either. I don't understand leaving children in the family out of a special event. When I got married, a child-free wedding would have never even crossed my mind. In fact, I worked at a daycare at the time and invited all the kids and their families from there. Few actually attended, but they were invited nonetheless.

[Trish]

I received an invitation to my nephew's wedding (husband's family). It was address to myself and my husband only. Does this mean that our children are not invited?

 

I'm not sure the bride wants children at her wedding and I know for sure she doesn't want them at her reception. Apparently, the children in the wedding party aren't going to attend the reception. Nothing has been said to me by her about it - it is all second or third hand. On Facebook I did see her tell my niece who had just turned 12 that she was old enough to come to her wedding.

 

My brother's sister (future MIL) says to just come to the ceremony with the kids and not stay for the reception. I don't want to do that if they aren't invited. Should I ask the bride? I don't know her well at all. I was friends with her on Facebook awhile back but she defriended everyone in her fiance's family. She is not on good terms with her future MIL. We aren't going the babysitter route. Either we all go or we all don't go. I just want to know for sure. This is an out of town wedding. I'm fine if she doesn't want us to go, but I'm not okay with going if she doesn't want my kids there. If you think I should clarify things with the bride what should I say?

 

Nah, I wouldn't clarify. It seems perfectly clear the kids are not invited to the reception. I'm sure taking them to the ceremony would be okay, but you've already said you don't want to do that.

 

I don't see anything fuzzy here.

[Impish]

I don't understand leaving children in the family out of a special event.

Because not all children can behave long enough for a service.

Because not all parents wisk a child out at the first sign of a tantrum/crying/etc

Because nothing ruins a wedding video more, or memories of a wedding, when the bride and groom have to yell their vows to each other over the screaming meemie whose parents aren't taking him outside.

Because children tearing around a reception hall isn't the atmosphere everyone is ok with on the day of making an important adult commitment.

 

Kids are kids. Even the normally best behaved ones can have bad days. Some folks just don't want to risk a child meltdown in the midst of their ceremony, or disruption at the reception.

 

I don't see it being anti-family. I see it as not all things are child appropriate, and some weddings fall under that heading.

[Embassy]

Nah, I wouldn't clarify. It seems perfectly clear the kids are not invited to the reception. I'm sure taking them to the ceremony would be okay, but you've already said you don't want to do that.

 

I don't see anything fuzzy here.

 

I have no problem taking them to the ceremony without the reception.

[amey311]

Nah, I wouldn't clarify. It seems perfectly clear the kids are not invited to the reception. I'm sure taking them to the ceremony would be okay, but you've already said you don't want to do that.

 

I don't see anything fuzzy here.

 

Taking them to the ceremony MIGHT be okay. Depends on the children involved and how they're parented.

 

I've had friends who did child-free weddings because of very specific children (one admitted to me that a certain friend's "children should be welcome everywhere and accommodated in everyway" philosophy and the accompany lack of any kind of correction/redirection/control of said children led her to choose a child-free ceremony. the "unparents" were just too close to not invite them at all, but there was no good way to tell them to leave the kids at home other than making the ceremony child-free).

 

My kids don't like the calm quiet of the ceremony, so if children are invited, we usually get thru the processional and a few more minutes and then one of us goes outside with the kids (they're older now that they might do better - the last wedding we went to they were 4 and 7 I think) while the other watches the ceremony. They're much better at the reception if there's music and dancing. If it was going to be some quiet 5 star dinner? We'd opt out.

 

And it's quite possible that this bride doesn't want to pay $50+ per head for feeding children. Often the child plates aren't much lower than the adult plates for reception dinners.

[AnitaMcC]

And it's quite possible that this bride doesn't want to pay $50+ per head for feeding children. Often the child plates aren't much lower than the adult plates for reception dinners.

 

 

Exactly, why should the bride/groom shoulder feeding a bunch of children, who likely won't eat anything served anyway, where even one misbehaving child can ruin a wedding ceremony/reception? I do not feel that a wedding is "family oriented" by default. It is totally what the bride and groom is wanting for their special day. And if there is an open bar then it is even less of an appropriate child event.

 

My niece is getting married in November. She is including children activities and food, but she is not counting children in the dinner count. She is bringing food, that she is making at home, for the children under 10 yrs old. She is making chicken nuggets and baked macaroni & cheese, green beans,and a few munchies and deserts. So far there are at least 20 kids under 10 who will be attending. She is making it fun!!! Not expensive. So far it is looking to be a very enjoyable wedding and reception. She is also renting a room that will be set up for young children (toys, TV, DVD player, movies) and she is letting parents knows about the playroom.

[gardenmom5]

I received an invitation to my nephew's wedding (husband's family). It was address to myself and my husband only. Does this mean that our children are not invited?

sounds like it to me.

 

 

My brother's sister (future MIL) says to just come to the ceremony with the kids and not stay for the reception. She is not on good terms with her future MIL.

 

flag, flag, flag, if they don't have a warm relationship - I wouldn't trust anything future mil says because she may totally disregard things the bride has said if she feels the bride is totally unreasonable. not saying that's the case, but I wouldn't discount it either.

 

If you think I should clarify things with the bride what should I say?

If you really want to , you can just call her and ask for clarification - let her know you just want to clarify it and you will respect her wishes. though if you are hearing that even the children in the wedding party won't be at the reception, that should answer your question. (though you can also say you don't want to listen to gossip as it's often wrong, and want to get it on authority from her. wink.)

[gardenmom5]

My niece is getting married in November. She is including children activities and food, but she is not counting children in the dinner count. She is bringing food, that she is making at home, for the children under 10 yrs old. She is making chicken nuggets and baked macaroni & cheese, green beans,and a few munchies and deserts. So far there are at least 20 kids under 10 who will be attending. She is making it fun!!! Not expensive. So far it is looking to be a very enjoyable wedding and reception. She is also renting a room that will be set up for young children (toys, TV, DVD player, movies) and she is letting parents knows about the playroom.

 

I think your niece will have an unusually happy marriage as she is incredibly thoughtful and inclusive of others.

[Carrie75]

I wouldn't take it personally. Weddings are so expensive these days and reception caterers often charge upwards of $50 for a each child's plate.

 

However, it would be off putting to be defriended by her on FB. That would make me think that she wanted nothing to do with my family at all. That would be a red flag for me.

[Britomart]

I like children at weddings. I think weddings are all wrapped up in ideas of faith and family and fertility . . . and children are great emblems of all that. I've seen lots of cheerful, noisy (and not-so-noisy) weddings with kids and I thought they were awesome and joyful and fun. I like kids at weddings.

 

BUT - if that's not what the bride and groom want, I think they're totally within their rights to have a child-free wedding. I'd go if I could and send my regrets if I couldn't (with real regret). I don't think you can dictate someone else's party; just your own ability to attend. Or not.

[YLVD]

I think you can assume that she doesn't want the kids there.

 

:iagree:

 

I am not a huge fan of weddings anyway, mine or others! lol

 

My DD is older but I would have had no problem not bringing her when younger. I go do things without my SO and DD all the time and we are a family unit.

Edited July 18, 2011 by YLVD

[AnitaMcC]

I think your niece will have an unusually happy marriage as she is incredibly thoughtful and inclusive of others.

 

She sure has picked a great guy. Even if he and his family are Packer fans-LOL. They are fun family and very thoughtful.

 

It can get very interesting around here during football season. Dh is a diehard Giants fan, Niece is a diehard Bears fan, and now add in the future in-laws.... LOL.

 

There are many times that Bears lost to Packers and niece had to dress up head to toe in Packer gear (including face paint)-LOL. She is just waiting for when it is her fiance and his parents turn to dress up in Bears gear-LOL.

 

And now we are moving to PA... it is going to get very interesting-LOL.

[Rosie_0801]

I would LOVE to go to a wedding without my kids, but I don't have access to all day childcare. And if the wedding is out of town or even a couple hours away (as all our family weddings have been) it means an overnight stay. If I can't get all day childcare, then I certainly don't have access to overnight childcare.

 

There's nobody you can take along as a babysitter? My kids are too little to be at all ok at being left for a weekend, so when we had to go to a wedding on the other side of the state, we took my brother with us. That way we were only away from the kids for half a day. As far as I know, they played at the playground and ate pizza. :)

 

Rosie

[TN Mama]

I have no problem taking them to the ceremony without the reception.

 

Except they weren't invited to the wedding. I would absolutely not take them even though sil says it wouldn't be a problem to take them to the ceremony only.

[Orthodox6]

Already has been noted by others. An invitation that included children would be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. X Y. Z and Family".

 

Exception would be if the invitations were addressed by somebody who does not know the standard etiquette that I just cited!

 

We just received an wedding invitation addressed only to "Dr. and Mrs." (on inner envelope as well). We are family of the bride and were, with somewhat embarrassed feelings that we think so, a little surprised that our children were not included. We invited their entire family to ds' wedding last year. Of course "tit-for-tat" does not apply; however, our extended clan typically invites entire families for special occasions. This wedding is local. I can't rule out that we will arrive only to be asked, "Where is everybody else?" :)

Edited July 18, 2011 by Orthodox6

[Joy at Home]

I honestly don't understand the idea of not going to a family wedding if children aren't in attendance.

 

I've just never seen a problem with ppl wanting an adult only occassion. But, I've also never agreed with the idea that all children should be included in all things at all times.

 

*shrug*

:iagree:

[Embassy]

UPDATE:

 

Still trying to decide what to do here. Dh wasn't sure that the kids weren't invited so I asked my sil who has the daughter old enough to come to the wedding (according to the bride).

 

My sil received an invitation with only her and her husband's name listed. Now I am even more confused.:001_huh:

[AndyJoy]

Already has been noted by others. An invitation that included children would be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. X Y. Z and Family".

 

Exception would be if the invitations were addressed by somebody who does not know the standard etiquette that I just cited!

 

We just received an wedding invitation addressed only to "Dr. and Mrs." (on inner envelope as well). We are family of the bride and were, with somewhat embarrassed feelings that we think so, a little surprised that our children were not included. We invited their entire family to ds' wedding last year. Of course "tit-for-tat" does not apply; however, our extended clan typically invites entire families for special occasions. This wedding is local. I can't rule out that we will arrive only to be asked, "Where is everybody else?" :)

 

DH and I were invited to a wedding last summer when DS was less than a year old. We hadn't left him with anyone at the point, so we declined. We found out later that the couple just didn't know the proper way to address invitations. They wanted us to bring DS--every child from our church attended the wedding with their parents and it was very casual family-oriented affair.:tongue_smilie:

[5kidsforME]

Because not all children can behave long enough for a service.

Because not all parents wisk a child out at the first sign of a tantrum/crying/etc

Because nothing ruins a wedding video more, or memories of a wedding, when the bride and groom have to yell their vows to each other over the screaming meemie whose parents aren't taking him outside.

Because children tearing around a reception hall isn't the atmosphere everyone is ok with on the day of making an important adult commitment.

 

Kids are kids. Even the normally best behaved ones can have bad days. Some folks just don't want to risk a child meltdown in the midst of their ceremony, or disruption at the reception.

 

I don't see it being anti-family. I see it as not all things are child appropriate, and some weddings fall under that heading.

 

AMEN sista, Amen!!

[AuntieM]

Has anyone mentioned the cost? If the reception is a sit down dinner at an event venue, there is typically a per person charge. The venue I am most familiar with starts at $45 per person and runs up to over $80. A flock of kids can run costs up fast.

 

Even if she rented out the local VFW hall and friends are doing the catering, the presence of children changes the atmosphere, often significantly. I've seen reception dance floors dominated by "cute" little dancing kids and out of control, unsupervised little ones to the point of no adult guests wanting to dance. The bride & groom have their reasons, you should respect them. It's sad you may have to miss, but it's really not your choice to bring the kids. The wedding couple made that decision when they chose to extend the invitation to you and your dh only.

 

And I have one of those videos. Lovely toddler wailing. I do love children and I am all for older kids seeing wedding ceremonies. But I think the ceremony is an even more important place to respect the couple's wishes.

Edited July 21, 2011 by AuntieM

[silliness7]

I received an invitation to my nephew's wedding (husband's family). It was address to myself and my husband only. Does this mean that our children are not invited? If she is following the rules of etiquette, then yes, that is exactly what that means.

 

I'm not sure the bride wants children at her wedding and I know for sure she doesn't want them at her reception. Apparently, the children in the wedding party aren't going to attend the reception. Nothing has been said to me by her about it - it is all second or third hand. I can't imagine a bride contacting all the people on her invite list who have kids to clarify whether kids are invited or not. That's what the invitation is for.

 

On Facebook I did see her tell my niece who had just turned 12 that she was old enough to come to her wedding. O.K. then, she does not want young children at her wedding. How old are yours?

 

My brother's sister (future MIL) says to just come to the ceremony with the kids and not stay for the reception. I don't want to do that if they aren't invited. Should I ask the bride? I don't know her well at all. I was friends with her on Facebook awhile back but she defriended everyone in her fiance's family. She is not on good terms with her future MIL. In that case I would NOT do what future MIL suggests. Sounds like she's trying to make trouble. And I can't fathom that the bride defriending her entire fiance's side of the family because she got irritated at MIL. She sounds like a piece of work.

 

We aren't going the babysitter route. Either we all go or we all don't go. I just want to know for sure. This is an out of town wedding. I'm fine if she doesn't want us to go, but I'm not okay with going if she doesn't want my kids there. I can understand not wanting to deal with the logistics of getting a sitter for an out of town wedding. If that's the case, say that is the case. But please don't take it as a personal affront because kids are not invited. That is fairly typical to not invite kids. That does not make her rude or a bad person in any way. My SIL is the sweetest person on the face of the earth. She did not have children at her wedding. She did provide a nursery for out of town family. I happily put my very young children in the nursery.

 

If you think I should clarify things with the bride what should I say?

I don't think your kids were invited. I don't think you need to contact the bride.

 

UPDATE on page 5

 

.

[silliness7]

Because not all children can behave long enough for a service.

Because not all parents wisk a child out at the first sign of a tantrum/crying/etc

Because nothing ruins a wedding video more, or memories of a wedding, when the bride and groom have to yell their vows to each other over the screaming meemie whose parents aren't taking him outside.

Because children tearing around a reception hall isn't the atmosphere everyone is ok with on the day of making an important adult commitment.

 

Kids are kids. Even the normally best behaved ones can have bad days. Some folks just don't want to risk a child meltdown in the midst of their ceremony, or disruption at the reception.

 

I don't see it being anti-family. I see it as not all things are child appropriate, and some weddings fall under that heading.

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Embassy]

But please don't take it as a personal affront because kids are not invited. That is fairly typical to not invite kids.

 

No affront taken whatsoever. Just clarity needed. If she wants a kid-free wedding then that is what I want to give her. I also don't want to offend my sil by not going when we all were invited after all.