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s/o rigorous studies: personality types of Draconian Homeschoolers?

cathmom
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cathmom

cathmom

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If you self-identify as a Draconian HSer and know your personality type, do you mind sharing? I'm interested.

 

My Myers-Briggs type is INFJ and I have a really hard time telling people what to do, even my children. It feels so unnatural.

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Guest Dulcimeramy

Guest Dulcimeramy

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If you self-identify as a Draconian HSer and know your personality type, do you mind sharing? I'm interested.

 

My Myers-Briggs type is INFJ and I have a really hard time telling people what to do, even my children. It feels so unnatural.

 

I am INTJ and have no problem telling anyone what to do. j/k

 

I used to score INFJ but I was never quite happy with the description of the 'F.' After I'd improved my own education my score consistently changed to 'T' so I have to conclude I was meant to be logical but lacked the tools in my youth.

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cathmom

cathmom

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Last time the subject came up, we found a surprisingly large number of INTJs on the boards: we are fairly rare in general and even rarer amongst women.

 

Laura

 

yes, but I'm wondering specifically about those who say they are draconian or rigorous or other synonym.

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LanaTron

LanaTron

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But it was something like INFP, I think.

 

My Myers-Briggs type is INFJ and I have a really hard time telling people what to do, even my children. It feels so unnatural.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I am glad to hear someone else say that! I've thought I was some terrible mother because my natural tendency is to work shoulder-to-shoulder with people, and not be the "boss." My mothering is the same way, and my first, second, and fourth dc work well with me on that. But I've had to learn how to be more hierarchical for my #3 dc! He needs a very clear idea that there is one person running the show and directing everyone else.

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cathmom

cathmom

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But it was something like INFP, I think.

 

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I am glad to hear someone else say that! I've thought I was some terrible mother because my natural tendency is to work shoulder-to-shoulder with people, and not be the "boss." My mothering is the same way, and my first, second, and fourth dc work well with me on that. But I've had to learn how to be more hierarchical for my #3 dc! He needs a very clear idea that there is one person running the show and directing everyone else.

 

Yes, I am happy to see your post too!

 

Here is a quote from a site about mothering styles:

 

Your type is: infj —The “Know Thyself†Mother

“I believe the joy of motherhood is self-discovery—for them and for me.â€

  • Sensitive and family-focused, the INFJ mother looks for and encourages the unique potential of each child. Self-knowledge may be her byword. Her aim is to help each child develop a sense of identity and cultivate personal growth. In fact, she may value the mothering experience as a catalyst to her own personal growth and self-knowledge.
  • The INFJ mother spends time observing and understanding each child. She is drawn to intimate conversations and seeks a free exchange of feelings and thoughts.
  • Sympathetic and accommodating, the INFJ mother strives to meet the important yet sometimes conflicting needs of each family member in harmonious and creative ways
  • She is conscientious and intense as well. Probably no one takes life and child-raising more seriously than the INFJ. She approaches mothering as a profession requiring her best self.

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alpidarkomama

alpidarkomama

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yes, but I'm wondering specifically about those who say they are draconian or rigorous or other synonym.

 

Well... "draconian" and "rigorous" aren't the same at all. I am rigorous, but definitely not draconian! I'm an INFJ too.

 

How can one teach without telling your children what must be done??? We run a fairly tight ship, but WOW do we have a (mostly) good time during the day! To me, this kind of rigorous learning really feels more like a Great Conversation than anything else.

 

I'm a little confused about where you're coming from. :001_huh:

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LanaTron

LanaTron

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If I really am an INFP...I think this fits pretty well, and especially did when my kids were little. But the one you posted fits me, too. And this makes clear to me why I am so conflicted so much of the time with regards to how to handle high school...the belief that they will know what's best for them vs. the credits necessary for college entrance. I'm trying to strike a balance. :)

 

I may have to check out that book!

 

“Inside our children, I believe, is a truth that tells them what’s best for them. I am always listening for that truth.â€

 

 

  • <LI class=bodylist>Aware, astute, and understanding, the INFP mother is sensitive to her child’s needs, feelings, and perceptions. By observing and listening to the cues of the whole child, she is “tuned in†and naturally develops an intuitive feel for what he or she needs. Responsive and helpful as well, she tends patiently to those needs as they arise. <LI class=bodylist>The INFP mother is comfortable letting her children follow their own course of development and make their own choices. She offers encouragement and uses her insights to head off trouble and difficult issues.
  • The INFP mother takes vicarious pleasure giving her children good experiences and watching them enjoy childhood. She’s happiest creating pleasant, memorable times for the whole family.

 

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Lori D.

Lori D.

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Thank you so much for this quote! A major lightbulb just went on for me.

 

I am INFJ -- extremely "I" and extremely "F". And this description of the INFJ *exactly* fits me! And, it exactly explains why I, while greatly attracted to the Draconian classical model, cannot fully put it into practice -- harmony and driving desire to specifically meet individual needs (also, some LDs thrown in for one DS) override all for me.

 

(Does it count that I'm a "Draconian-wannabe"?:tongue_smilie:) Warmest regards, Lori D.

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Kathy in Richmond

Kathy in Richmond

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Another INFJ reporting in here (VERY much so!). Learning about Myers-Briggs types helped me tremendously when I was a new mother and again when I started homeschooling. I see myself as a collaborator more than a teacher of my kids. I want my children to buy into the reasons behind their educations, and I want them to play nicely and get along... I can't stand conflict.:) And I love researching and thinking about all the possibilities...

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cathmom

cathmom

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Well... "draconian" and "rigorous" aren't the same at all. I am rigorous, but definitely not draconian! I'm an INFJ too.

 

How can one teach without telling your children what must be done??? We run a fairly tight ship, but WOW do we have a (mostly) good time during the day! To me, this kind of rigorous learning really feels more like a Great Conversation than anything else.

 

I'm a little confused about where you're coming from. :001_huh:

 

How would you differentiate rigorous and draconian?

 

I keep typing things and then deleting them. I don't want to feel like I'm on trial or that I have to defend who I am. Let's just say that what you see as entirely normal does not fit me - the "running a tight ship" idiom.

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8filltheheart

8filltheheart

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Posted (edited)

I couldn't remember everything from the test I took in college other than the I (I am definitely an introvert.) I took the expanded test on the linked website and came out ISFJ. I would say that that description is fairly accurate. I did find the questions interesting, though. Having been a parent of so many for almost 22 yrs, my answers are definitely different than they would have been when my oldest was 5-7. I am far more confident in my parenting skills, so my strengths in guiding/listening/respecting are vastly different than when I was "learning as I went." ETA: I actually just read the synopsis of the different ones and I don't think that test was very accurate. I would say that I am actually ISTJ b/c I am very detail oriented (though I am not a schedule follower.......so maybe it is that neither is accurate and I am a mesh of the 2)

 

FWIW, I don't like the words rigorous or draconian, though I guess based on discussions on this forum that is how I would classify myself. I really expect my kids to achieve academically their best......whatever that may be. The fact that my 19 yo lives at home and is directionless and that my 22 yo is married, graduating, and is a new father reflect each of their abilities. So.....what each child achieves is completely relative. But, I do expect their personal best.

Edited by 8FillTheHeart
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JennW in SoCal

JennW in SoCal

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Posted (edited)
Thank you so much for this quote! A major lightbulb just went on for me.

 

I am INFJ -- extremely "I" and extremely "F". And this description of the INFJ *exactly* fits me! And, it exactly explains why I, while greatly attracted to the Draconian classical model, cannot fully put it into practice -- harmony and driving desire to specifically meet individual needs (also, some LDs thrown in for one DS) override all for me.

 

(Does it count that I'm a "Draconian-wannabe"?:tongue_smilie:) Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

Ah ha! That is why you have wonderful book lists! You have to have a large book list in order to choose which title will resonate and "work" with a particular child!!

 

I'm an IFNJ/P -- that last letter seems interchangeable, depending on what test and mood I'm in when taking the test. I'm not a slacker homeschooler by any stretch. I'm rigorous compared to many homeschoolers I know IRL. I'd say I want the same outcome overall as the self-described Draconians. But most of all I'm sensitive to my children's needs -- and have to be with an Aspie/LD kid -- and I'm happiest when my kids are doing what works best for them rather than squeezing them into my idea of a rigorous, draconian box. Does that make any sense?

 

Should we all change our signatures?:tongue_smilie: For instance:

 

Jennifer, INFJ; intentionally, sensitively, eclectically and yet classically homeschooling since January 200

Edited by JennW in SoCal
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LanaTron

LanaTron

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How can one teach without telling your children what must be done???

 

Well, maybe it's a difference in telling them what must be done, vs. requesting them to do things, and wanting/needing their cooperation. Some parents are perfectly happy being very directive, but that is exhausting for me. I need for my kids to trust me enough that I can request that certain things get done, and they want to cooperate because they know I'm taking them to a good place.

 

Of course, I'm sure most parents use different modes depending on what the issue is. A young child about to run out in front of a car would require a parent to be very directive. Deciding which science curriculum to use can allow for different parenting styles.

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alpidarkomama

alpidarkomama

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How would you differentiate rigorous and draconian?

 

I keep typing things and then deleting them. I don't want to feel like I'm on trial or that I have to defend who I am. Let's just say that what you see as entirely normal does not fit me - the "running a tight ship" idiom.

 

"Draconian" means "excessively harsh" and "rigorous" means "extremely thorough."

 

As a fellow INFJ, I find that the descriptions listed for INFJ on this thread are very accurate for me too. I just don't see how our kind of personality and a rigorous (very thorough) curriculum are mutually exclusive (??). By running a tight ship I mean that our studies are very streamlined (by necessity; we have dual secular/Jewish curricula which require equal time). But that doesn't mean that we don't also play, dream, wander, follow rabbit holes, get messy, and have great conversations both while we're undertaking our "rigourous" curriculum and in the in-between times.

 

I apologize for sounding accusatory. I was just trying to puzzle out the differences...

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alpidarkomama

alpidarkomama

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Well, maybe it's a difference in telling them what must be done, vs. requesting them to do things, and wanting/needing their cooperation. Some parents are perfectly happy being very directive, but that is exhausting for me. I need for my kids to trust me enough that I can request that certain things get done, and they want to cooperate because they know I'm taking them to a good place.

 

Of course, I'm sure most parents use different modes depending on what the issue is. A young child about to run out in front of a car would require a parent to be very directive. Deciding which science curriculum to use can allow for different parenting styles.

 

I think a lot of this is semantic differences. Given this clarification, I don't "order" my children, but I do request that specific things be done during our learning time. It's definitely a mutual exchange, and because there IS trust they will do things even if they don't yet understand all the whys. :)

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elegantlion

elegantlion

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If I really am an INFP...I think this fits pretty well, and especially did when my kids were little. But the one you posted fits me, too. And this makes clear to me why I am so conflicted so much of the time with regards to how to handle high school...the belief that they will know what's best for them vs. the credits necessary for college entrance. I'm trying to strike a balance. :)

 

I may have to check out that book!

 

“Inside our children, I believe, is a truth that tells them what’s best for them. I am always listening for that truth.â€

 

 

  • <LI class=bodylist>Aware, astute, and understanding, the INFP mother is sensitive to her child’s needs, feelings, and perceptions. By observing and listening to the cues of the whole child, she is “tuned in†and naturally develops an intuitive feel for what he or she needs. Responsive and helpful as well, she tends patiently to those needs as they arise. <LI class=bodylist>The INFP mother is comfortable letting her children follow their own course of development and make their own choices. She offers encouragement and uses her insights to head off trouble and difficult issues.

  • The INFP mother takes vicarious pleasure giving her children good experiences and watching them enjoy childhood. She’s happiest creating pleasant, memorable times for the whole family.

 

 

INFP here, this fits my teaching style to a T, except maybe the patient part . I have always thought my style was more because of ds's personality than a product of my own. Interesting. We are not draconian, not rigorous in a daily sense, but everything we do seems to line up with my long term plan. To borrow from the other thread, we are intentional, and paying attention to ds is part of that.

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Murphy101

Murphy101

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No idea what my personality type is! Yikes.

 

 

Me either.

 

Draconian is often more of a comparison to percieved social norms than an actual fact, IMO.

 

I have a plan, a set time each day to implement our plans, and a general expectation of how far to expect to progress in those plans. To an unschooler or more relaxed or fly by style person - that can seem very rigid and draconian to them. Because I know so few home schoolers than school the way i do IRL, I feel I am draconian. Though obvious *I* don't think I'm excessively harsh or I wouldn't be doing it.

 

Same goes for defining rigorous sometimes.

 

I use what works for us.

 

If keeping a schedule and a plan didn't get the job done, then I wouldn't bother with it. But it does. Amazingly well most times. So that's what we are sticking with.

 

Same goes for any curriculum. If it works and meets our expectations, we stick with it. If it doesn't, out it goes.

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WIS0320

WIS0320

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Last time the subject came up, we found a surprisingly large number of INTJs on the boards: we are fairly rare in general and even rarer amongst women.

 

Laura

 

My mother is an INTJ and I am an ENFP - it made for a very lively and interesting childhood (not always in a good way!).

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justamouse

justamouse

Posted
Posted (edited)
If you self-identify as a Draconian HSer and know your personality type, do you mind sharing? I'm interested.

 

My Myers-Briggs type is INFJ and I have a really hard time telling people what to do, even my children. It feels so unnatural.

 

*waves* another INFJ here.

 

I've grown, kicking and screaming into being left leaning toward draconian. Why? I let the oldest two do what they want (let me unpack that-I've always followed most of TWTM, but as far as what we accomplished each year, I let slide.) and though the results were good, there should have been more than got done and I should have been more demanding in certain areas-so not draconian at the start. :D

 

Your type is: infj —The “Know Thyself” Mother

“I believe the joy of motherhood is self-discovery—for them and for me.”

 

 

 

 

  • Sensitive and family-focused, the INFJ mother looks for and encourages the unique potential of each child. Self-knowledge may be her byword. Her aim is to help each child develop a sense of identity and cultivate personal growth. In fact, she may value the mothering experience as a catalyst to her own personal growth and self-knowledge.

  • The INFJ mother spends time observing and understanding each child. She is drawn to intimate conversations and seeks a free exchange of feelings and thoughts.

  • Sympathetic and accommodating, the INFJ mother strives to meet the important yet sometimes conflicting needs of each family member in harmonious and creative ways

  • She is conscientious and intense as well. Probably no one takes life and child-raising more seriously than the INFJ. She approaches mothering as a profession requiring her best self.

 

 

Every time I read one of those things I flip at how accurate they are. At least for me. Edited by justamouse
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Sevilla

Sevilla

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I'm an ESFJ and very directive in my hsing (and parenting). I have found that most relaxed homeschoolers are 'F's and there is a higher percentage of P's as well (since they're not as into structure and it doesn't come naturally).

 

I have found -NFP's to be the most relaxed parents/hsers (in general) and very focused on emotional tone in the home far more than other types (whereas SJ/NT types tend to be focused more on behavior and standards in the home).

Edited by Sevilla
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LanaTron

LanaTron

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And I think trust on the part of the dc is important whether a parent is directive or not. And let me also say I greatly respect, even envy a little bit, parents who are very directive. Like my dh--let's just say he and I have learned a lot from each other about how to parent, as we've tried to move towards each other and present an united front.

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momtotkbb

momtotkbb

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I took the quiz bec I was curious to see if mine had changed. The last time I took the M-B was 21 years ago and I was a college adm and single mom of 1. While I think I run a fairly tight ship both w/ our home and in our school - I do feel that I have relaxed some over the years. However, apparently I still view things in the same way - I'm an INTJ.

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Mommyfaithe

Mommyfaithe

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Posted
If you self-identify as a Draconian HSer and know your personality type, do you mind sharing? I'm interested.

 

My Myers-Briggs type is INFJ and I have a really hard time telling people what to do, even my children. It feels so unnatural.

 

I am INFJ....definitely rigorous...not sure about Draconian lately. I am too tired...but in my perfect world....bwahahahaha!

 

Faithe

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