At what age can kids use public restrooms by themselves?

[tntgoodwin]

So, it is always a difficult situation when I am watching my two daughters and one has to go potty. For me, a lot of factors weigh in on if I take them into the men's room with me or send them into the ladies room. The family restroom is ideal, but not always available.

 

For my dd5, I ask her which she prefers. More and more lately, she prefers to go in the ladies room solo. I will allow it normally if it is a small (one commode) or otherwise empty restroom, which also seems like it would be clean. Also, she is afraid of the auto-flushing toilets, so that has to be a consideration. My dd3 I will send into the restrooms that don't have doors, but rather a few walls to walk around, and only with her older sister. That way I can hear them and they can hear me. I am wary of some restrooms that have heavy doors, which neither of us could hear through, and are difficult to open for the girls.

Most of the time it is a conundrum though. Safety is definitely the most important factor.

 

What do you all do?

[kalanamak]

 

What do you all do?

 

About the same as you. If you are stationed at the door, and can hear them and call back and forth, I think you are VERY safe. Women molesting young girls in restrooms with a parent outside must be vanishingly rare.

[Parrothead]

At that age along with what you do already, I'd make darn sure they go before leaving the house.

[tntgoodwin]

Oh definitely, they always go before we leave. But sometimes we are out for hours at a time.

[WiseOwlKnits]

My DD is 7 and I've JUST started letting her go in the bathroom alone in some places. At a restaurant we frequent, I'll let her go as long as I can see the door. At our favorite park, the bathroom is small, for one person and locks so I'll let her go in there alone and watch the door till she comes out. But the majority of places I won't let her go by herself still.

 

DS isn't ever allowed to go to the bathroom by himself, but I've allowed him to go with DD to the girl's bathroom if it's a place I'm comfortable sending DD. I don't know what point I'll let DS go on his own since I'd have to send him in the boy's bathroom. I'm honestly dreading that; the men's bathroom seems much more dangerous of a place than the women's bathroom.

[Cindyz]

My son is 6 and a half and I still take him in with me.

[Mommy22alyns]

I was seriously just about to post this! I was wondering from some of the things said in the swim changing room thread. :bigear:

 

I'll have to ask DH again what he did with the girls. I know he was having some difficulty once Becca learned to read with graffiti in some men's rooms. :glare: I will let Rebecca go completely by herself - she's 8. Sylvia can go with Rebecca or a parent. I know if DH has them by himself now, he sends them together.

[Impish]

Tazzie's 6, and he stays with me if Wolf's not with us.

 

Wolf will take Princess (4) in with him if its just the 2 of them. If Diva is along, she takes Princess.

 

Neither of us will leave a young child standing outside the bathroom waiting, either.

[Dobela]

My dd is 4. My dh will often take her to the men's rooms if they are out alone and there is not a 'family' restroom. He does try to plan where he takes her though so the restroom is smaller and he can look inside first before taking her in (fast food restaurants seem good for this).

[Cera]

When my girls are out with their dad (they are 4 and 6) he will send them into smaller restrooms by themselves after knocking on the door and peering in to make sure no one is inside (like those at the library, pool, etc). If they are somewhere very busy (amusement park, zoo, mall) he will wait by the door until he sees a mom headed in and ask if our girls can tag along with her (he has never been turned down).

 

I have been asked quite a few times to walk a young girl into the bathroom for her dad and am always happy to do so.

 

eta: When they were younger (maybe 2 and 4) and actually needed help in the restroom he used to carry sleep masks and make them put them on then take them into the mens room.

Edited June 19, 2011 by Cera

[bettyandbob]

I think my oldest ds was 5 when he started refusing to go in ladies restrooms. So, I'd stand outside the men's room yelling to him every 30 sec and he had to call back. I'm sure I looked/sounded like a loony. Also, ds generally refused to go in unless it was empty, but sometimes he HAD to get in there without waiting for anyone to leave.

 

Every locker room facility I've dealt with had a family changing room (some have been pretty inadequate, but they were there), so we only ever had to deal with regular rest rooms.

[m0mmaBuck]

I just recently started letting DS9 go into the men's bathroom alone. I stand outside the door and he knows to scream "like a little girl" if anyone makes him uncomfortable.

[lorrainejmc]

If there is no family room, I take all the kids into the disabled toilet. Everyone here does that.:D I would expect dh to do that if he were out with dd9.

[AnitaMcC]

I take my kids in to bathroom with me until they are about age 7.

 

It is so much easier usually for moms to take sons in bathrooms (no urinals or open stalls). My boys would stand right outside my stall where I can see their feet. When they are going, I just send them into the stall and I stand outside the stall so if they need my help I could easily help them.

 

For our family situation, we rarely had issues with potty or other personal privacy situations. Our twins are our first children and when they were 3 1/2 yrs old my niece and nephews moved in with us. So at that time we had Dd and Ds 3 1/2 yrs, nephew 18 yrs, niece 11yrs, and nephew 9yrs old. So it really worked out perfectly with youngers going into bathrooms. Dd would always accompany me or niece. Ds's would always accompany Dh or one of the nephews, or Ds#1 (for youngest two when they came along).

 

Really only issue was when Dh took Dd anywhere just the two of them. This was very rare if it was going to be for more than a hour or so. The few times Dh did get into a "bind" and Dd needed to go potty or a change, then he just would take her into mens room. He would just check to make sure it was all clear. He never took her in if there was another man in the mens room. He never took her to swimming or anything like that without me or my niece so he never had to deal with helping Dd change into swim suit, etc. If he had to take her swimming... then he or I simply would have made sure Dd was already in swim suit before leaving home and then he would just bring her home to get showered/changed.

[AvasMom]

My ds is 9 and it really depends. We take a lot of road trips and at places like the big turnpike rest areas I make him come into the women's restroom (obviously not in the stall or anything). There are just way way too many people coming and going at those places. No way am I going to let him go in the restroom alone with God only knows how many sex offenders. At restaurants, Target, etc I let him go alone and I wait for him. I can hear him at those places. Sometimes I'll make him check to make sure it's empty and I stand outside with a mamabear stance and stare down any men who go in with that "I'm watching you" look. lol!

[veggiegal]

I have two boys and we don't have a hard and fast rule about this; it depends on both their comfort level and my own. My older, who turns 9 on Tuesday, has been comfy going to the bathroom pretty much anywhere on his own for about a year; for another year or so before that he was comfy if it was a familiar place (e.g., our local small branch library; the restaurant we've gone to since he was born; the local arts centre where he has taken various classes since age 4). My other son, 6.5, still comes with me most of the time, but in the odd small place my older boy has taken him. He has never been comfy going alone, and I figure he will let me know when he is, and then I can gauge whether am I ok with it then. Both boys ALWAYS come with me into the bathroom if I need to go though--except at the local library, where the staff know us and would never let my kids leave with anyone but me or my hubby. (And the boys have been drilled in screaming blue murder if anyone ever tries it). So I'd say trust your instincts and your kids'--and let them know it is fine to be a "big girl" and go solo in some places, but not feel comfortable in others and still want you there. Heck, there are bathrooms out there where I would still want a girlfriend along, and I'm 40 years old! :tongue_smilie:

[happypamama]

For me, it really depends on where we are and the bathrooms. DD (9) can go in the ladies' room by herself, but when she was little, and DH took her out, he'd cover her eyes if there was anyone in there. DS1 (age 6) still comes with me into the ladies' room; if he really felt strongly about using the men's room, I'd consider it, depending on the location, but he would rather not be by himself anyway.

[5Wizards]

When my kids are with my husband....

 

DD5 can go with DD9 into the women's restroom. My youngest has to go with DH. If DD9 is not around, DD5 will go with DH as well.

[KidsHappen]

My hubby has seven dds and he was the SAH parent for awhile and this was before there were commonly family restrooms. If it was a single room like at Starbucks or a gas station he would send them in alone after checking it out once they were old enough to handle their toilet needs themselves. Otherwise, they went with him into the mens' room until they were about 7. He usually announced, "daughter coming in" and then men in there were very discreet. He ushered them into a stall quickly and never really had any problems. Once the girls were passed about that age they were sent into the ladies' room with at least one buddy until, well pretty much forever unless they were alone. That's just how many women/girls are. If we are out in a group, we all go at the same time. If only one person needs to go they usually ask someone else to go with them. I think that for the most part you can trust other women to watch out for a small child alone in a restroom.

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

Just want to add that men have hid in womens stall..feet up so know one sees them to prey on women. We had a situation at a local restraunt where a dad checked in on his son as he was taking to long in the mens bathroom and caught a man in the act of sodomizing his son.

[Excelsior! Academy]

You could always do what our friend's mom did. He was required to sing VERY loudly when going to public restrooms alone. Annoying, yes. Safer, you betcha'

 

Honestly I let my nephews, 5 and 7, go together if I feel the restroom is fairly safe; if not they go with me. One time I told them they could go into a certain public restroom after we determined it was vacant. Someone walked in while they were in there. The boys promptly left. They came out and told me that everything was okay and that man never touched them. I know he heard them.

[iquilt]

When my dh is out with our three, he started sending the girls in together when our oldest was 5. He would always wait outside and has been known to ask another mom to check on them. When I'm out with all three, our son came in with us until he turned 6. I've also asked older siblings of friends or dads to check on him. It's a tricky decision to make.

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

Ha, our boys loudly tell me the drill...yell, run, fight...before they go in..I still stand at the door. After they come out they loudly tell me what they did not have to yell and tell. Seriously, I have people sometimes lots of them around telling me 'good job mom', thumbs up, cheers and the like, especially from men. :001_smile:

[Wyndie]

My ds11 still goes with me to the ladies restroom if I feel the men's is unsafe. He can go alone in Barnes & Noble and Earth Fare but I stand outside the door with my momma bear face on and make direct eye contact with any man headed in the room while he's there. I want them to know I am watching and listening... but those two places are low traffic so it's not normally and issue as ds is generally in and out quickly. I did have one man tell me he would wait until ds was done b/c he could see I had my mom face on. :lol:

 

We recently made a road trip without DH. DS had to go in with me everywhere. There were some rest stops that had family rooms but some did not. I would peek in the room, announce to the general area that my ds was coming in and would not look. He would look at the floor and follow me in and stay in the stall with me (facing the wall) until we were done. Then we would step out and stand outside the stall while he went. When he was done, I'd say "boy coming out!". It was weird but I was in no way trusting rest areas to be safe for him. He was a little uncomfortable but understood why I insisted on this.

 

If anyone had voice concern, I'd have waited until they were gone. We understand it's strange b/c he's older but I just don't trust people. MANY women (I assume moms) smiled at me and told me it was ok. I think this must be common as single mothers with boys are a very common sight and they gotta go somewhere!

 

Disclaimer: DS11 is very small so he still looks 8-9. I'm not sure what I'd do if he were a strapping big kid. I would probably be more trusting of the situation if he weren't so small...or maybe not. :D

[mamalbh]

Quick reply - then I'm not coming back to this thread :-)

 

We are a 'privates are private' household. After working many years with children who had been abused the common thread among them was little sense of physical boundaries. My dc use ONLY proper sex bathrooms at 4 and up, that includes waiting outside the door for an opposite-sex parent or relative.. We are strategic though - we frequently use one-person bathrooms at gas stations and such, and most bathrooms in stores are right next to a costumer service desk.. Most places now days have family restrooms, and if the 'normal' restrooms are huge (several stalls) I'll send my little guy into the family one by himself. We (dh & I) also are very intentional about training our children about stranger safety in ALL situations. They have been tested in real life situations and they always pass. (Having people they don't know come up and talk to them, etc)

 

My girls are not allowed to use the girl's restroom if school-aged boys are in there, which is way too often. That would be like me having a male co-worker sit in stall next to me. YUCK!

 

At 5, they have all the safety knowledge there is for public bathrooms they've been drilled, so I have no worries - I know that whatever *might* happen at 5 also might happen at 10 (10 is bigger than 5 but still not big enough to fight a grown man). Also statistically something 'icky' is much more likely to happen at the hands of a trusted caretaker, a neighbor kid, or cousin then some random person in the bathroom.

 

Not that it matters for us homeschoolers - but at 5 they would be sent into proper gender bathrooms in school and even on field trips. So, unless a child has disabilities of some sort, they absolutely are capable.

Edited June 19, 2011 by mamalbh

[clarkacademy]

If there is a boy in the bathroom old enough to tell me he is a boy I will complain. I'm sorry it is not appropriate to have young boys in a bathroom with girls in any way. My son is disabled and from about 3 he does not go in a girls bathroom. I would hate knowing my son is making others uncomfortable. We have just always worked around things like that.

 

If it meant they had to hold it or another parent had to go along so be it. If my girls are in a bathroom and a young boy comes in I will say something, you have no right to make my girls uncomfortable period. My children will even look an adult and ask nicely if they can read.

 

When the girls dad took them places he would never ever take a girl in a mens bathroom he always found that disgusting when others fathers would. They were made hold it or they left or if it was the little one my older daughter would take her. If my boys ever saw a girl in the bathroom they would just freak.

 

It's all about manners and actually caring how other people feel in a situation in my opinion.

[LittleIzumi]

Dd5 can go completely alone. Dd3 can go alone & likes to, but she needs help to reach the sink. I usually stay near the sink & wait for her. Ds is just a baby so I haven't worked out how that will go yet.

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

...I stand outside the door with my momma bear face on and make direct eye contact with any man headed in the room while he's there... I did have one man tell me he would wait until ds was done b/c he could see I had my mom face on. :lol:

 

:lol:

:hurray:

[Impish]

Safety trumps manners every day of the week, imo.

[G5052]

At 5, they have all the safety knowledge there is for public bathrooms they've been drilled, so I have no worries - I know that whatever *might* happen at 5 also might happen at 10 (10 is bigger than 5 but still not big enough to fight a grown man). Also statistically something 'icky' is much more likely to happen at the hands of a trusted caretaker, a neighbor kid, or cousin then some random person in the bathroom.

 

 

It is impossible to adequately judge a situation as safe or not safe in every situation. The news is full of trusted teachers, clergy, doctors, etc. who betrayed that trust. Some years ago there was a 16 y.o. male ***ually assaulted in a Nordstrom's bathroom in a mall in a very upscale neighborhood in my area. Who would have thought?

 

Better to teach them to use their brains, trust their instincts, and perhaps pursue a martial art that will allow them to get away.

 

Certainly you can avoid the issue at times, but for other times...

Edited June 19, 2011 by GVA

[Mabeline]

Safety trumps manners every day of the week, imo.

 

:iagree:

[amo_mea_filiis.]

My ds has to come in with me, including the stall (I put him on a "mission" to look through the door crack and count the tiles). He is just not mature enough to use the bathroom alone. The few times I've sent into the mens room, I had to go get him! At school he had to use the nurse's bathroom.

[clarkacademy]

Safety trumps manners every day of the week, imo.

 

 

Manners and safety pretty much can go together. If more people in this world had some manners and respect for others the world would be safer. If more people considered how their actions can affect others the world would be a safer place. Having a boy in a girls bathroom is not safe as well as a girl in a boys bathroom. It goes back to respect. Respect for yourself and respect for others. I can be mannerly and keep my kids safe it's sad that others don't feel that way.

[JFSinIL]

When I would be out and my son with autism needed to go..and was too old to come in the ladies room with me...I'd stand right outside the men's room and loudly tell him (and any men inside) that I was RIGHT THERE. Heck, if it would not expose any guys peeing, I'd hold the door open, too. That way any creep would know he'd better not try anything. Most guys needed to use the restroom saw I was just a mom watching out for an autistic kid and didn't bat an eye.

 

Now, in your case, finding a female store employee or obvious "mom" and asking them to keep an eye on your dd while you stand as close to the restroom door as possible might be better. I would not try and take a girl into the men's room, unless you knew no one else was in there or likely to come in. Standing outside a ladie's room and yelling that you are "right there" might be taken the wrong way by some folks.

 

It is not easy, either way.

[amey311]

Thing 1 is a high anxiety kid, so he was quite willing to go with me into the women's room until he was 8 or so. He branched out at that point because Thing 2 (Mr. Independence) wanted to use the men's room ("i don't WANT to use the Mommy Potty! I want to use the DADDY potty!!!") at 5 or earlier. Thing 1 was willing to go in with his younger brother.

 

I'll let them go into almost any bathroom alone now (they're 10.5 and nearly 8 ). I wait outside some doors, but other times I just send them. For example, they use restrooms in restaurants on their own once they know where it is and how to get back to the table.

 

We fly occasionally, and at airports I'll try to get a family bathroom - mostly because then it's easier to deal with carryon luggage :) Otherwise, they go while I watch their things and then I go and leave them with their stuff and instructions to stay put. In that situation they listen. I also prefer that they go alone on an airplane. It's just too crowded in those stalls!

 

I don't consider public bathrooms inherently risky. Some of them are dirty, and I have a small thing of hand sanitizer in my purse to use when I think they might be coming out dirtier than they went in.

 

A friend who has daughters uses the buddy system - even if one sister doesn't need the toilet, they both go in the restroom.

[Farrar]

At age 4, we started practicing it in places we know well and are safe and clean. At age 5, they went solo into the boys' most of the time, except for a few sketchy places. At age 6, I made it mandatory barring a really weird situation or a kid being sick or something.

 

I'm personally one of those parents who thinks it's a pretty silly thing to spend brain cells worrying about, but I know everyone has their things.

 

For the dressing rooms at the pool, it's a tougher call. My little guys just don't have the executive functioning to shower, undress, and dress when they're wet and hyper after the pool - or rather, I'm sure they would make it eventually... after an insane amount of time. Luckily most places have family rooms that we go, but not everywhere. We're still trying to figure that one out for this summer. I mean, they're nearly 7.

[Impish]

Manners and safety pretty much can go together. If more people in this world had some manners and respect for others the world would be safer. If more people considered how their actions can affect others the world would be a safer place. Having a boy in a girls bathroom is not safe as well as a girl in a boys bathroom. It goes back to respect. Respect for yourself and respect for others. I can be mannerly and keep my kids safe it's sad that others don't feel that way.

Granted. If everyone cared about how everyone else felt, there would be no crime in existance.

 

But that's not the world we live in.

 

I fail to see what's 'unsafe' about a 6 yo boy with his mother in the restroom.

[Pretty in Pink]

If I am out without my ds12 or dh, just the younger boys, I send them in the men's room together (the 5 and 7yos) and I wait directly outside the door. If we all have to go, then they go with me into the ladies' room (provided there are doors on the stalls). If we all have to go and there are no doors on the stalls, then they wait just inside the door of the ladies' and stand against the wall where they cannot see into the open stalls. I go, wash up, and then take them to the men's room and wait outside for them.

 

I would send my 7yo alone into the men's room but not my 5yo.

[clarkacademy]

Granted. If everyone cared about how everyone else felt, there would be no crime in existance.

 

But that's not the world we live in.

 

I fail to see what's 'unsafe' about a 6 yo boy with his mother in the restroom.

 

My daughters may be in there. You have no call to make them feel weird. It's unsafe because the bathroom is a private place. I have walked in bathrooms and seen young ladies fixing their bras with shirts pulled up. I wouldn't want my 6 yr old son to see that. There are ways around every situation if you just think it out. No it's not the world we live in but that is the main issue everyone wants that as an exuse to be rude.

 

I have been in bathrooms that don't have doors before I don't want your son peeping at my little girls, and kids would it is their nature to be curious. I have boys one who is disabled I would never make another child feel awkward it's just not right.

[Impish]

My daughters may be in there. You have no call to make them feel weird. It's unsafe because the bathroom is a private place. I have walked in bathrooms and seen young ladies fixing their bras with shirts pulled up. I wouldn't want my 6 yr old son to see that. There are ways around every situation if you just think it out. No it's not the world we live in but that is the main issue everyone wants that as an exuse to be rude.

 

I have been in bathrooms that don't have doors before I don't want your son peeping at my little girls, and kids would it is their nature to be curious. I have boys one who is disabled I would never make another child feel awkward it's just not right.

My 6 yo doesn't 'peep' at girls. Sorry. I've never, ever seen a bathroom without doors. That's just gross.

 

My son's safety, ANY child's safety, comes before someone's feeling of discomfort. You (general you) have no right to demand other parents put their children in a situation they deem dangerous to preserve your sensitivities.

 

I would rather risk offending someone than my child being preyed upon.

 

Two blocks from me, they've caught a man hiding in a public school washroom, waiting for little girls to come in. I'm not sending my kid into a bathroom unattended at his age.

[5Wizards]

My daughters may be in there. You have no call to make them feel weird. It's unsafe because the bathroom is a private place. I have walked in bathrooms and seen young ladies fixing their bras with shirts pulled up. I wouldn't want my 6 yr old son to see that. There are ways around every situation if you just think it out. No it's not the world we live in but that is the main issue everyone wants that as an exuse to be rude.

 

I have been in bathrooms that don't have doors before I don't want your son peeping at my little girls, and kids would it is their nature to be curious. I have boys one who is disabled I would never make another child feel awkward it's just not right.

 

Honestly, your whole issues with manners is a bit confusing to me. It's not ok for me to take a hypothetical 3 year old into the restroom for safety and hygiene reasons, but it is ok for your child to ask an adult if they can read? To me, that's extremely rude behavior on the part of the child and would not go over well in my household. If it happened innocently once, sure, but then they would know that it's completely unacceptable in the future. If an adult is doing something that my family considers to be rude, we don't respond with the same. Asking someone "nicely" if they can read is not nice IMO.

 

If a child is peeping under a stall, whether boy or girl, I ask them to please not do it and I've never had a mother not respond to that. I guess I'm also just not hung up on the idea that a 3,4,5 year old is going to make my children uncomfortable (because they don't).

[Pretty in Pink]

My daughters may be in there. You have no call to make them feel weird. It's unsafe because the bathroom is a private place. I have walked in bathrooms and seen young ladies fixing their bras with shirts pulled up. I wouldn't want my 6 yr old son to see that. There are ways around every situation if you just think it out. No it's not the world we live in but that is the main issue everyone wants that as an exuse to be rude.

 

I have been in bathrooms that don't have doors before I don't want your son peeping at my little girls, and kids would it is their nature to be curious. I have boys one who is disabled I would never make another child feel awkward it's just not right.

 

There is no reason to feel weird if the boys are not peeping under the stall doors. My boys do not. As I pointed out in my response, even in bathrooms with 'open stalls' there is always a place near the entrance for the boys to stand with their backs against the wall where they cannot see into the stalls. As long as Mom sticks her head in first to make sure no one is adjusting her bra, what's the big deal? Get in, get done, get out. That's what we do.

 

If my daughter asked about little boys in the ladies room I would simply explain to her that sometimes little boys go in with their mommies when they are too young to go into the men's room alone.

[silliness7]

So, it is always a difficult situation when I am watching my two daughters and one has to go potty. For me, a lot of factors weigh in on if I take them into the men's room with me or send them into the ladies room. The family restroom is ideal, but not always available.

 

For my dd5, I ask her which she prefers. More and more lately, she prefers to go in the ladies room solo. I will allow it normally if it is a small (one commode) or otherwise empty restroom, which also seems like it would be clean. Also, she is afraid of the auto-flushing toilets, so that has to be a consideration. My dd3 I will send into the restrooms that don't have doors, but rather a few walls to walk around, and only with her older sister. That way I can hear them and they can hear me. I am wary of some restrooms that have heavy doors, which neither of us could hear through, and are difficult to open for the girls.

Most of the time it is a conundrum though. Safety is definitely the most important factor.

 

What do you all do?

 

Men's rooms gross me out to no end.

 

I will let my 7yo take my almost 4yo to the bathroom. But my 4yo is very independent. She'll go in the restroom at church all by herself which I am totally fine with. Anyway, it totally depends on the personality of your dd's combined with the individual circumstances in each instance.

 

I personally would avoid the men's room whenever possible. But that's just me.

[justamouse]

About the same as you. If you are stationed at the door, and can hear them and call back and forth, I think you are VERY safe. Women molesting young girls in restrooms with a parent outside must be vanishingly rare.

 

At that age along with what you do already, I'd make darn sure they go before leaving the house.

:iagree:

 

And, this is MY opinion, but if I were you, and I were worried, I would go in. The women's room is all stalls so you can't see in. I would yell in or say something first, but most ladies I know would be fine with it. Esp if you were in the stall with your DD. We all wouldn't want our Dd's in the men's room, that's for sure.

 

My Ds 8 comes in the ladies room with me if I'm uncomfortable with him running into the men's room, and since he has 4 sisters and we all swim, he's not intimidated by girls or bOOks.

Edited June 20, 2011 by justamouse

[clarkacademy]

Honestly, your whole issues with manners is a bit confusing to me. It's not ok for me to take a hypothetical 3 year old into the restroom for safety and hygiene reasons, but it is ok for your child to ask an adult if they can read? To me, that's extremely rude behavior on the part of the child and would not go over well in my household. If it happened innocently once, sure, but then they would know that it's completely unacceptable in the future. If an adult is doing something that my family considers to be rude, we don't respond with the same. Asking someone "nicely" if they can read is not nice IMO.

 

If a child is peeping under a stall, whether boy or girl, I ask them to please not do it and I've never had a mother not respond to that. I guess I'm also just not hung up on the idea that a 3,4,5 year old is going to make my children uncomfortable (because they don't).

 

I never said 3 I said 6 three years is a BIG difference. Every park or pool I have ever been has no doors on the stalls. I see moms standing outside mens bathrooms all the time talking to their sons and there is nothing wrong with it. There are even quite a few who have stated that on this thread. I don't see why any mother cannot do that. A three year old is a baby that is alot different. There is nothing wrong at all with me wanting my daughters to use the GIRLS bathroom with GIRLS.

 

Yes my daughters would question an adult who brought a school aged boy in the bathroom and I don't care if you would find it rude. I might be standing there fixing my 6 yr olds panties and I don't want anyones son looking at her booty. It's a girls bathroom and you can be safe and respectful at the same time.

[Impish]

I never said 3 I said 6 three years is a BIG difference. Every park or pool I have ever been has no doors on the stalls. I see moms standing outside mens bathrooms all the time talking to their sons and there is nothing wrong with it. There are even quite a few who have stated that on this thread. I don't see why any mother cannot do that. A three year old is a baby that is alot different. There is nothing wrong at all with me wanting my daughters to use the GIRLS bathroom with GIRLS.

For me, I don't consider it safe. Plus I have a younger dd. I can't be 2 places at once. I'm not leaving a 6 yo unattended outside a bathroom.

Yes my daughters would question an adult who brought a school aged boy in the bathroom and I don't care if you would find it rude. I might be standing there fixing my 6 yr olds panties and I don't want anyones son looking at her booty. It's a girls bathroom and you can be safe and respectful at the same time.

So, your objection to it is that its rude, but you don't care if you or your children are rude to others.

 

Ok.

[AnitaMcC]

Safety trumps manners every day of the week, imo.

 

 

:iagree: totally!!!! Now days there are too many weirdos out there and no way on this Earth am I willing to force my children to deal with weirdos without me right there when they are not even 10 yrs old yet.

 

One time my Ds#1 was 12 yrs old and he came out of the mens bathroom looking very uncomfortable. I asked him what was wrong and he had some psycho wagging his weiner at my Ds and saying some weird things.

 

I can not even fathom how he would have felt if that happened if Ds was 5-9 yrs old!!!!! So what if a boy (or girl in a girls room) can yell for help!!!! All it sometimes takes is a few minutes... I am not wanting my children to have to even take the risk that someone could come up to them and do something inappropriate when all it takes is my not sending them into a bathroom alone. They shouldn't have to be exposed to such psycho stuff and forced to "deal" with it without someone they trust and know with them. Chances are if Dh was in that restroom with Ds, that psycho wouldn't have done that to my Ds (there was no one else in the rest room). By the time we reported they weirdo, he was gone.

Edited June 20, 2011 by AnitaMcC

[JennyD]

We live in an extremely busy area, with loads of tour buses coming though constantly, and nearly all of the public bathrooms that we use have literally thousands of people streaming in and out of them all day. While I tend not to get too worked up about stranger danger, I just can't send my 6yo into these men's rooms alone, nor can I have him wait outside without me.

 

Restaurants are no problem, nor are bathrooms in the music school or the children's museum or places of that ilk.

 

As for the pool thing, that is just SUCH a pain. First, I switched pools, because my oldest was too old for the women's room and the local Y men's room was just not a good scene at all. The place we switched to was considerably safer and quieter, but then I discovered -- as one of the prior posters mentioned -- that my 5yo couldn't actually manage the whole shower/locker/changing thing solo. (At least not without coming out naked to look for me and his younger brothers in the women's room, sigh) So we actually just stopped going swimming for a while. He just turned 6, though, so I should give it another try.

Edited June 20, 2011 by JennyD

[5Wizards]

I never said 3 I said 6 three years is a BIG difference. Every park or pool I have ever been has no doors on the stalls. I see moms standing outside mens bathrooms all the time talking to their sons and there is nothing wrong with it. There are even quite a few who have stated that on this thread. I don't see why any mother cannot do that. A three year old is a baby that is alot different. There is nothing wrong at all with me wanting my daughters to use the GIRLS bathroom with GIRLS.

 

Yes my daughters would question an adult who brought a school aged boy in the bathroom and I don't care if you would find it rude. I might be standing there fixing my 6 yr olds panties and I don't want anyones son looking at her booty. It's a girls bathroom and you can be safe and respectful at the same time.

 

Quoting you from another post you made on this thread (don't know how to double quote):

 

>>My son is disabled and from about 3 he does not go in a girls bathroom.<<

 

That's where I got the age of 3. That's fine that you don't find your children's questions rude, but I don't find it rude or inappropriate to bring a child of the opposite sex into the bathroom. There's also a big difference between politely telling someone that you're uncomfortable with their presence and asking them if they can read. Different strokes for different folks I suppose.

Edited June 20, 2011 by 5Wizards

[ChristusG]

Just a question for all of you who send young children into bathrooms alone.....aren't you concerned about the gross factor? I mean, a lot of public bathrooms are icky, have pee on the toilet, etc. Safety aside, I couldn't imagine sending my young children into a public bathroom and expecting them to touch as little as possible. I mean, my 4 year old wouldn't be able to climb up onto a toilet without putting her hands on the seat and pulling herself up....ick, that gives me the willies just thinking about it. I have to lift her onto it and I have her hold onto me (and this is after I put a seat cover on it). Not to mention the fact that automatic flush toilets tend to flush on their own and give your booty a spray. We carry post it notes to put over the sensors. My girls are 7 and 4 and are not allowed to go in alone due to both safety and sanitary reasons.