texasmama Posted May 21, 2011 Author Share Posted May 21, 2011 IIt is just really difficult to watch the people I love suffer in the knowledge that there is nothing I can do to help them. I never thought my life would include watching the most important people to me taken down one by one, much less in the span of 18 months. The two most important men to me (other than my little man C) have been hammered by life, and I have witnessed more tears from them in the past year than in the rest of their lives combined. It's as though part of them has died and part of me is slowly dying right alongside them. :grouphug: I understand. I don't want to share my story here for fear of looking like I am trying to compare, but I really do understand.:grouphug: "The admonition from religious "friends" that God has intentionally brought these things about to break the world's hold on members on my family has only magnified the pain. These circumstances have only served to break them." Oh please, don't let this get to you. This is a very misguided (imho) view of the world that for some reason makes some people feel better. In my views, God has given us this beautiful home and all his love.... and shLt just happens. He isn't up there manuipulating every single one of us to make us "grow" and giving us hardships. Nah - life just takes a poopoo on people sometimes.... oftentimes. I couldn't agree more. When my mom had her brain surgeries, stroke and the 3 1/2 year downward spiral which ended with her passing away, someone "ministered" to me by basically making the statement that if I would just believe enough and pray correctly, my mom would be healed. Well, she suffered and died...and not because of anything I did or didn't do. I still dont' understand it all, but I agree that well-meaning people who dole out free advice which is not even Biblically sound should shut up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 There is a quote out there, I can't remember all of it or who it is by, but it is basically this, "I do not appreciate the friendship and happiness of those who have not endured hardship. Their joy is shallow and their pettiness irritating." I have found this to be true in some cases. I have some friends and family that get so wrapped up in their own world that they turn life's little bumps into full on-soap opera worthy-drama and expect everyone around them to commiserate. I have other friends who have had a few bumps and bruises from life, but have the attitude that is focused on gratitude for the good things they have. This second camp of people can gripe and grumble, too, but they seem a bit more grounded about the real level of seriousness of their complaints. What I have walked through in my life has a great deal to do with my level of contentedness now. While I do not have every desire of my heart, I have a life that 15 years ago I could not have begun to dream possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Yes, I'm happy with my life. I have a God who loves me, healthy children, and dh who's out of this world. I couldn't ask for better really. Blessings abound...until tomorrow that is when the world ends...:glare::tongue_smilie:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) Blissfully happy. I never imagined I'd have everything I ever dreamed of, but here it is. A husband who treasures me, a little country cottage filled with happy healthy children whom I spend all day with. My front door opens onto a field of flowers and fruit trees. I had a difficult start in life. Things have never been easy for me. I would never have believed I could have this life. ETA: FWIW, things are still not perfect. But they are improving each day. I have been tested, I have proven my strength, I know my limits and my capabilities. I have faith in myself and my future. Everything is going to be ok, one way or another. Edited May 21, 2011 by strawberrymama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 :grouphug: I understand. I don't want to share my story here for fear of looking like I am trying to compare, but I really do understand.:grouphug: I couldn't agree more. When my mom had her brain surgeries, stroke and the 3 1/2 year downward spiral which ended with her passing away, someone "ministered" to me by basically making the statement that if I would just believe enough and pray correctly, my mom would be healed. Well, she suffered and died...and not because of anything I did or didn't do. I still dont' understand it all, but I agree that well-meaning people who dole out free advice which is not even Biblically sound should shut up. :iagree: We lost my grandmother last April after 34 years of struggling with arthritis, COPD, and congestive heart failure. A minister told my grandfather & his daughters (my mom & her sisters) a few years ago that if her faith were strong enough and she prayed to be well, that God would heal her. (Not that God COULD heal her, which we fully believe-- but that God WOULD heal her if only she had more faith.) I've never met a person with stronger faith than my Mommaw. She raised her children while fighting these debilitating illnesses, and then raised her children's children as they progressed. Those words were enough to make my mother turn her back on God. Makes me angry.... and sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I used to be very happy and content and very proud of the life that my dh and I had built - purposely and with much hard work. Now, I have to purposely count my blessings and settle for "things could be worse." We have had so many things happen the last year that I am emotionally, mentally, and physically more exhausted than I have ever been. Most of it involves my son who is on the other side of the world - far from my reach. There is absolutely nothing I can do but pray and hold on for dear life. It has humbled me greatly and made me question whether or not I am a good mother - the role that I have realized defines my self-worth. I didn't start out to say all that, but that is where I find myself these days. It's also one reason I really haven't posted much lately. I don't feel like I have anything to contribute and can't seem to muster up enough energy to respond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.†~Ernest Hemingway That made me LOL. The man had 4 wives, and commited suicide. Obviously he did not want to be content with anything. Maybe he was suffering from long-term depression. On the other hand, his parents were no pillars of happiness either. I know plenty of highly intelligent people who are happy (myself included. ;)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennynd Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 no, and don't know how Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gooblink Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 [quote name=SailorMom;2746266 There is a quote out there' date=' I can't remember all of it or who it is by, but it is basically this, "I do not appreciate the friendship and happiness of those who have not endured hardship. Their joy is shallow and their pettiness irritating." :grouphug: This is not directed at you, SailorMom, that quote just set something off in me. I understand the sentiment behind it, but the truth is, nobody escapes hardships: loss, grief, pain, death - they are guaranteed to affect us all. The older we get, the more pain and suffering we experience. Just because some may not share the same response to hardship, doesn't mean they are shallow or petty, or that their sufferings are any less valid than another's. I'd take friendship over wallowing in lonely self-pity any day, whether they've suffered my way or not. We all have ups and downs, tragedies and celebrations, failures and successes. Happiness is fleeting and depression only exacerbated if you mistakenly expect a life of continual bliss. It's our response to the plain facts of life that makes or breaks joy. Stepping down. Thank you. :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I am generally content, and I am happy when I am content, so I am happy. :D <--- See! There are things I wish were different (not being so poor, for one), but we are getting by and are creators and receivers of love. We are working toward not being so poor, but we are doing all that we can do right now. I am good with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted May 21, 2011 Author Share Posted May 21, 2011 This is not directed at you, SailorMom, that quote just set something off in me. I understand the sentiment behind it, but the truth is, nobody escapes hardships: loss, grief, pain, death - they are guaranteed to affect us all. The older we get, the more pain and suffering we experience. Just because some may not share the same response to hardship, doesn't mean they are shallow or petty, or that their sufferings are any less valid than another's. I'd take friendship over wallowing in lonely self-pity any day, whether they've suffered my way or not. We all have ups and downs, tragedies and celebrations, failures and successes. Happiness is fleeting and depression only exacerbated if you mistakenly expect a life of continual bliss. It's our response to the plain facts of life that makes or breaks joy. Stepping down. Thank you. :blush: Life is a great equalizer over time. I am currently making conscious decisions about my expectations and have been sorting this out for some time. It is something I will grapple with for a while yet, I would imagine, trying to sort out what exactly to expect from this life and, as a Christian, exactly what we are "promised" while stuck in this space and time continuum. I find it all very exhausting, but the alternative is not to consider or try to understand, which I find completely unpalatable. I understand where SailorMom is coming from. After my mom passed away, I felt a second wave of wounding/loss from those around me who had not endured a loss of that magnitude who didn't recognize grief and suggested that I needed antidepressants for "my depression". I'm a therapist - geez, I think I'd know if I was depressed. I was devastated, not depressed. There is a difference, but those who hadn't experienced it didn't recognize it and weren't comfortable with it so they urged me to, in a sense, "fix myself" to make them feel more comfortable....because if that is what grief was, they didn't want any part of it. It must be depression. Surely grief was just crying for a month and then "moving on". With a significant loss, there is no real moving on. Life moves on, and you adjust, but a part of me died with her and I will miss it/her until heaven. I have accepted being broken until then. I have accepted the gifts in grief and that I have something to offer others that I didn't have before. But I would give it all to have her back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I posted yesterday at a really low moment and I really appreciate the prayers and the pm's and the hugs. :grouphug: I was also medicated because I'm recovering from a particularly painful surgery and I probably should have stayed offline... I also should't have posted without being able to be more specific. The question "are you happy with your life?" was one I've been thinking about lately and it just struck me when people were posting about how happy they are that it was once me, not too long ago (9 days ago) that would have posted that I was blissfully happy - I couldn't ask for anything more. Now when I see people post that I think that if this happened to me, it could happen to anyone! How can you ever trust anyone because when someone is good at lying, you won't know it. :sneaky2: I have been talking to someone from this board, someone who I feel like saved me from complete despair who has been through what I am going through so I do know deep down that I will survive this and I'm not alone but right now, it just hurts so badly. My children, my friends, my family will all be profoundly effected by what is happening. I'm not as sad for myself as I am for my children. My children will NEVER fully be able to put this past them and their whole lives will be very, very different. until recently I would have said I'm generally a very happy person, I wake up excited for the day, I feel blessed and I don't let little things bother me, ever. When I was 21, my 19 year old brother was killed in a car accident. Since that time, I kind of go with the perspective that nothing could be as bad as that (except the death of child) so when our well broke and we had pony up $3000 to fix it, meh, that's life, when you have to deal with unpleasant people or a bad work schedule or a long winter or... whatever, I could never understand why people (my husband) let that kind of stuff get to them and make them unhappy. I've been angry (and all the other human emotions, lol) but I vent and I get over it which I think is normal. Some people are not happy because they let everything bother them when it is not worth it. Now, looking back, I guess my husband was just unhappy in general so everything bothered him when I just thought that nothing really bad had happened to him so he just had no perspective. He would often ***** about something and I'd think, yeah it's bad but no one died, right?... we're healthy, the kids are healthy... so get it out and don't let it consume you. I don't know if this makes sense, can I still get away with telling you all I'm under pain medication? ('cause I am, LOL) :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I'm happy. I love my life. It's everything I could have wanted. I have four beautiful children who I get to homeschool. I have a great husband. I am able to work as a doula and be a student midwife :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Robyn Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 No. While there are things and people that make me happy, I am unhappy overall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) ... Edited September 11, 2023 by J-rap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I have a problem with the idea that being happy is something you can control. I guess I could be very happy if I was totally selfish. I am sure that if I had mostly healthy family members and a mostly good life I could be happy. But to me, being happy when you see a trainwreck of a life happening to one of your kids or when somebody is dying a painful death or there are other tragedies happening is just odd. I don't see the opposite of being happy to being depressed. I am not depressed. I am worried about a serious situation and although many good things are happening in my life, the one that is seriously wrong taints everything. Doesn't mean that I don't have happy moments. I don't think about the near future every moment. BUt to say that I choose unhappiness isn't true. I really can't be content with what looks like will be my son's homelessness or worse in a few months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I think there is a difference between having had some awful things happen in your life, and going through trying times. I've had terrible things happen, but in retrospect they were just bumps in the road and I'm still able to be happy. I was very upset about the events, but overall I could still say I was happy. Even with the death of my mother (3 years next month), there were other things in my life that made it possible to get through it. An amazingly supportive husband and friends was certainly helpful. There are times when I start crying over her unexpectedly when something she used to say or do pops into my head, but I still can say I'm happy overall. Some of what's been shared in this thread (and on unrelated ones) though -- I doubt I could be happy if I was going through them. I think happiness is a choice for those of us going through normal ups and downs of life. I don't think you can choose to be happy no matter what. Some things are just too hard to not let them affect your overall happiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Yes I'm happy but it's because I choose to be. My hubby's sometimes says I'll be happy when - fill in the blank. One thing I always tell him or any one who says that to me is if you aren't happy now with what you have what makes you think you will be happy when you get a b z. Goals and dreams are great but dont count on them making you happy. Because once you are there then you will find something else that will make you happy instead. So be happy with what you have, live each day to the fullest, strive for something but as a goal. The grass isn't always greener over the next hill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 What an interesting thread. I struggle with this so much. On one hand, I'm happy to be where I am, close to family, not working anymore and homeschooling my girls. On the other, there are so many things I feel I don't have, and that makes me sad, even though I can see and accept the fact that I made a choice (leaving the workforce) that is what is causing my imaginary "lack." I recognize that my personality is a "glass half-empty" one, and I don't know what to do to change that. I'm very much like my dad, and I don't know if that's nature or nurture. Honestly, I tend to think it's nature, because my DD5 is just like him too, and that's been since the day she was born. Right now I'm most unhappy because I feel so overwhelmed by life. DH's job is not going well and his income for next year is pretty much zero, and that's scaring the pants off me. I love HSing and I love being home, but do you remember that feeling, when you were a kid at the beach, and you got knocked over by a wave and ended up under the water and you felt like you were spinning and didn't know which was up or down, and for a few seconds you couldn't get your bearings and stand up and the water was just going too fast for you? That's how I feel all the time. I truly am not sure how to fight that. Actually, I do have an idea--I'm just too afraid to go and implement it. This thread is helping me work up the nerve, I think. I want the happiness and contentment that so many of you seem to have *sigh* And for those of you who are feeling like I do, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted May 21, 2011 Author Share Posted May 21, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to those who need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) ... Edited December 19, 2012 by ksva Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negin Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Happiness is overrated; I am content.I have moments of great frustration, and occasionally fantasize about life with a live in maid or a return to my physic when I was 20, but I also have moments of tremendous joy and the realization that I am living with my children in a sweet precious moment that will all too soon be gone. I've reached a place in my life where I am at peace with who I am, surrounded by a wonderful family, and blessed to live in a place with freedom and prosperity that much of the world cannot even fathom. I am content to be who I am, where I am, with what I have. In my book that trumps happiness every time. This is how I feel. Happiness is overrated and is often fleeting. Contentment is key. Yesterday dh asked me if I was happy. I sighed and said that right now, the only thing that would make me happy is if his digestive/health problems would be resolved. Health problems can really suck the life out of you. Other than that, we feel so blessed and are so grateful for everything in our lives. We have our faith, our marriage, our kids, and we live in a wonderful place. I don't have many IRL friends where we live. Friends come and friends go. Sort of like happiness. Comes and goes. But contentment should ideally always be there ... not easy to do, however. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) The older I get, the happier I am. My 40's are way better than my 30's were and my 20's were the pits. That wasn't something I was expecting. Barb . Edited May 23, 2011 by KidsHappen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 The older I get, the happier I am. My 40's are way better than my 30's were and my 20's were the pits. That wasn't something I was expecting. Barb Yes, I'm completely contented, fulfilled, and secure. Just not cheerful much of the time. There is just too much work to do. :iagree: This is me. The older I get, the happier I am. I am just not very cheerful. Most people would say I am a cranky, old lady but I am a happy, content, cranky, old lady. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I am happy with my life overall. I chose to be happy with what I have. I tend to be an optimist so I always try to look at the good in whatever situation no matter how difficult it might seem. I also always feel like things happen for a reason so try to look beyond those tough times or look back on the ones that have happened in the past and see what changes they brought about. I can honestly say we haven't had any major issues in our family recently but there have been difficult times and even through them I try to maintain a good attitude. At the moment, I feel grateful to have 3 healthy kids, my own health, a husband who loves me, a roof over my head, and to not be struggling as much as some families are financially. Anything else that happens is just life. We'll deal with it or enjoy it as it comes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Yes! My husband and I have a shared vision for our future that we are actively working towards, and enjoy the journey together. I have a functional family (nuclear and extended) with lots of support. I get appreciation for the things I do, and encouragement to do more for myself. It also helps that my family is kind to me and extremely low-maintenance, so I don't feel like I'm a servant to them. Not that they'd complain if I made dinner more often ... ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I tell my kids happiness is a choice... I think Abraham Lincoln said that people are as happy as they choose to be... That said... on difficult days, you really don't care what Lincoln said, do you? I've spent WAY too many years waiting for this or that to be resolved to "be happy". I learned that no matter what path I am on... no matter what I am facing this week or this day... I can look around and find some bit of beauty or some task to take in a deep breath and be thankful.... Some days it takes a whole lot of looking. I also know some days I will throw that thought out of my mind and simply exist, knowing that when I get a bit of sleep, I will feel better... Last year I was incredibly inspired... as in "life changing" inspired by a blog. I am so thankful I came across it from a distant friend on facebook. This gal loves life. And her life isn't always easy. She has fears and frustrations. But, boy, does she know how to live each day fully. She finds such joy watching her girls with sidewalk chalk... or going on a walk to a pond... She takes ordinary life and sucks the life out of it! I have learned so much from her. I began putting that into practice a year ago and it made ALL the difference. I LIVE each day. I choose to LIVE... really, really live. Not all days are absolutely terrific. But, I know I am only going to get older from here on out, I'd better jump off the high dive NOW. I'd better go down the water slide with my kids now. My kids noticed the difference and loved it. All that to say... there are many more days in my life now (even during the painful times) when I am out watering flowers or dusting a shelf and I feel a much deeper contentment and satisfaction. I am happier on many levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I have a problem with the idea that being happy is something you can control. I guess I could be very happy if I was totally selfish. I am sure that if I had mostly healthy family members and a mostly good life I could be happy. But to me, being happy when you see a trainwreck of a life happening to one of your kids or when somebody is dying a painful death or there are other tragedies happening is just odd. I don't see the opposite of being happy to being depressed. I am not depressed. I am worried about a serious situation and although many good things are happening in my life, the one that is seriously wrong taints everything. Doesn't mean that I don't have happy moments. I don't think about the near future every moment. BUt to say that I choose unhappiness isn't true. I really can't be content with what looks like will be my son's homelessness or worse in a few months.:iagree:, especially with the bolded. I made it through cancer tx on a good attitude. It helped, but looking back I should have let some of the unhappiness and discontent in. I needed to pull out those feelings of loss and wallow in them for a little bit, deal with it, and move on. 15 years later, cancer free, but I still am dealing with some emotions that seem petty now. I also think when dealing with your own children part of your heart is in them. I think of the stupid things I did that caused my parents pain, when they couldn't be happy because of my choices. My son is only 13 and I wish the best for him. I imagine at some point he will make a choice that causes me pain, I'm a realist. I've read many books on developing your attitude, how to respond not react to life, how to persevere, years of training my attitude. If MY attitude was the only thing that determined my happiness I might be okay. I have allowed other people into the emotional portion of my soul and they have some sway over my contentment and happiness. I think of the song, when I get knocked, I get up again...well that is what I do. I never stay completely in those dark places. I have contentment with SOME areas of my life. I abstain from being responsible for things I can not change, but some things I can change or influence. I try. Is anyone in charge of my happiness but me? Not really. Do I work to find joy in everyday? Yes. Is it hard? On some days. I do a lot of writing. I visit many of the deep, dark places of my soul with my characters. I cross boundaries with them I would never do in my own life. It's therapeutic. Many days I realize that the only thing I'm in charge of is my attitude, but that still doesn't change the circumstances. When people I know and love are hurting it's hard to feel contentment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Overall, are you happy? If so, why? If not, why not? Just curious how many people are happy versus how many people are "going through the motions". Define "happy" however you like.:001_smile: Extremely happy.:D I have been married for 24 years to a wonderful man. I have a beautiful grand-daughter I will get the honor to helping keep a whole year while Dad is deployed. I will get to be my daughters support system while her dh is away. I have another beautiful daughter that is just awesome in so many ways and has a heart of gold. I have a wonderful 13 year old son who is just the sweetest and most tender-hearted fellow. Have a super close family is such a blessing to me. We have a beautiful home, a sweet pooch, good parents and inlaws. Wonderful landlords and neighbors. I get to homeschool and my husband tells me often that I'm doing a great job. He's interested in our homeschool and what were doing. I guess happy for me is just having a close family, being able to help when needed and offer support. Having enough money to take care of us and do good things for others. Having great family dinners and loving each other and treating each other kindly and with respect. For me...it's the little things! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I am happy with my life overall. I chose to be happy with what I have. I tend to be an optimist so I always try to look at the good in whatever situation no matter how difficult it might seem. I also always feel like things happen for a reason so try to look beyond those tough times or look back on the ones that have happened in the past and see what changes they brought about. I *knew* there was a reason I liked you. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I haven't read all the responses, since there are 13 pages of them, I just want to say that yes, I am very happy with my life. Why? Well, I could say that we have vehicles, a house, and dh has a job. But the real reasons are that I love God and know he loves me. DH and I have a beautiful, wonderful, deep, caring, loving relationship that is ongoing, even after 23 years! We have 3 children that I adore and am so proud of! When I was little and people asked me what I wanted to be I'd say "A missionary in Africa, a wife and a mommy." All those dreams have come true! Sometimes when I feel down (usually hormone related), I ask myself how I could feel down for very long, because I am where I always wanted to be! :D That cheers me up! No, life isn't always perfectly smooth or easy. However, if I focus on all the positives....................... yeah, I'm happy, very happy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny May Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I have not read all the post... I think "happy" is a feeling and that changes day to day. Before I was a Christian. I had real ups and downs. I have been a Christian for 8 years. I am "content" not always "happy" but not in darkness. I hope that is a good answer. :001_smile: and helps you. It is nice to have some thing to cling to that does not change.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 In a word....no. There are many reasons why. I have read all of the replies and see a trend...those who are in good marriages, who call their DH a friend and who feel they have control over their lives seem to be happy. I have none of those things. I am intrigued by those who say they are happier in their 40's than they ever have been. That gives me hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I haven't read the other answers. I am going to say I am happy and a lot of people would say they are surprised by that. If you don't know this, my oldest son was killed in a car accident just a year ago. I carry around a lot of pain every day. So, how can I say I am happy? I just am. I believe that it is my job to do the very best I can with the life I have been given. Lots of things are not in my control - boy have I learned that lesson. But... choosing to stay positive and focus on the blessings - is in my control. I can do that. That doesn't mean that several times a week, the pain of not hearing my son's amazing laugh - doesn't take control and I crumble into a pile of tears. It just means that when I rock my 6 year old son in my lap, that I find the joy in it. Or when I look at my 12 year old daughter and her beauty on the inside and out blows me away. I spend a lot of time talking to my husband about the intense pain I feel of missing Timmy and he listens patiently. There is sadness in those conversations, but joy that I have him to be there and listen to me. So, with all of that in mind, I would say I am happy. Could I be happier? Of course - I think there is probably always room for more joy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkpan Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I haven't read the other answers. I am going to say I am happy and a lot of people would say they are surprised by that. If you don't know this, my oldest son was killed in a car accident just a year ago. I carry around a lot of pain every day. So, how can I say I am happy? I just am. I believe that it is my job to do the very best I can with the life I have been given. Lots of things are not in my control - boy have I learned that lesson. But... choosing to stay positive and focus on the blessings - is in my control. I can do that. That doesn't mean that several times a week, the pain of not hearing my son's amazing laugh - doesn't take control and I crumble into a pile of tears. It just means that when I rock my 6 year old son in my lap, that I find the joy in it. Or when I look at my 12 year old daughter and her beauty on the inside and out blows me away. I spend a lot of time talking to my husband about the intense pain I feel of missing Timmy and he listens patiently. There is sadness in those conversations, but joy that I have him to be there and listen to me. So, with all of that in mind, I would say I am happy. Could I be happier? Of course - I think there is probably always room for more joy. Thank you for sharing this.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeannpal Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Happiness is so fleeting. Generally speaking, I am what most people would call happy. I call it joy. I have joy because I have Jesus and I have hope. On the days I feel "down" I have to remind myself that this is all temporary. There are some days I feel downright ecstatic! Others where I feel totally opposite. If I went by "feelings" I'd be a mess, LOL! I guess as a pp said...I have to choose to be happy in spite of circumstances. Lately, I've been feeling less than "happy" with my life...wondering if that is b/c I'm not where God wants me and if so, where does He want me? I am blessed so there really isn't any reason not to be happy. I'm rambling. It's late. :D Well, it's not late here, and I feel the same way. The older I get, the more I appreciate those moments of pure joy. I know that I am content for the most part, but like every one else, I let the day to day worries and stress get me down at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I think it's wonderful that so many people have found some kind of happiness, peace, contentment in their lives. I am just now emerging from a deep, dark place where I resided for the past three years. You have all given me things to think about to find "happy" again, but I am really struggling to get there. How can something so seemingly simple be so elusive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I haven't read the other answers. I am going to say I am happy and a lot of people would say they are surprised by that. If you don't know this, my oldest son was killed in a car accident just a year ago. I carry around a lot of pain every day. So, how can I say I am happy? I just am. I believe that it is my job to do the very best I can with the life I have been given. Lots of things are not in my control - boy have I learned that lesson. But... choosing to stay positive and focus on the blessings - is in my control. I can do that. That doesn't mean that several times a week, the pain of not hearing my son's amazing laugh - doesn't take control and I crumble into a pile of tears. It just means that when I rock my 6 year old son in my lap, that I find the joy in it. Or when I look at my 12 year old daughter and her beauty on the inside and out blows me away. I spend a lot of time talking to my husband about the intense pain I feel of missing Timmy and he listens patiently. There is sadness in those conversations, but joy that I have him to be there and listen to me. So, with all of that in mind, I would say I am happy. Could I be happier? Of course - I think there is probably always room for more joy. You're an inspiration. I remember your post when your son passed away and think of you often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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