Do you think it's generally accepted that it's better

[T'smom]

for small children (0-4) to be home with a parent instead of in a daycare center? Obviously, most people on this board will believe that- but do you think that the general public holds that assumption? I ask because I had an interesting convo with my sis yesterday. I was feeling bad and said to her "y'know how all those studies say that kids are better off at home? Well, I kinda feel sorry for my kids being stuck with me 24/7. I wouldn't want to be stuck with me 24/7" (This is a separate issue......I'm just including it for background as to how this came up.) She said "Really? I haven't read that. The stuff I've read is pretty mixed at best." Then "I just read something about how kids get sick more often when they're really young, but if they're in daycare by the time they're 5 they have better immune systems." and "They have better language skills because they hear their peers using language."

 

My sister is a stay-at-home mom and she's an intelligent person. If this was said by someone else I wouldn't give it much thought. (I would just smile, nod, and privately think they're nuts!)

 

Now, I believe strongly that different things are 'best' for different people and situations. BUT- I have always assumed that most kids would be better off at home with an involved parent than in daycare. And I assumed that that was the general consensus......but maybe it's not? Do I just live in my own little bubble?

[Hillary in KS]

It's been my experience that the VAST majority of people think it is better for a child 0-4 to be home with a parent instead of daycare.

 

HOWEVER, almost everyone follows that with an acknowledgment that they don't think every parent can afford to do that, so daycare is a good second choice.

[Mejane]

Most of the people I know think it's best for a small child to be at home with a parent if that parent wants to be at home with the child.

[Chris in VA]

I think it is, but I was stunned to find out my brother thought the best thing he ever did for his girls was put them in daycare, like it was some kinda wonderful.

 

I agree the research is mixed, but I think some of it is flawed, too.

[CandaceC]

I don't know...I think it is pretty mixed, too. I had soooo many people asking me if my kids were in (or going to be in) preschool of any kind when my kids were younger.

[Carol in Cal.]

I am amazed that anyone would assert that kids in daycare would have better language skills because of conversations with their peers. It's inconceivable to me that conversation among 3 year olds would be more conducive to language acquisition than conversation with an adult. How silly is that.

 

I think that the research says that consistent, low ratio, enriching daycare can be comparable to being at home with parents. However, that kind of daycare is extremely unusual and difficult to find. Babies need someone to fall in love with them and stay that way. Those people don't necessarily have to be parents, but they have to be genuine and committed. One book I read called these 'allomothers'. I believe that allomothers and parents are the best people to care for young children, and that genuine love and safety are the most critical components of that care for the first 6 years of life at least. I have seen a lot of data to support that, and none to contradict it.

 

Popular justifications of daycare tend to cite those carefully nuanced studies but leave out the nuances, in my experience.

[AuntieM]

I am currently enrolled in a college level human lifespan development psychology class. The assumption of the textbook author is that in typical American culture today, the child will go into a daycare situation early on and the mom will return to work. Of course, this does not necessarily mean that's what most people do, it just depicts that scenario as normative behavior (in this experience of mine, anyway). And if that's what's taught to the masses in the classroom, I imagine it could become the generally accepted way of thinking.

[Nestof3]

.

Edited April 30, 2011 by nestof3
misunderstood

[Mergath]

I've heard the data about small children getting a language boost from going to daycare, but from what I've read it's temporary. I've also read that kids who go to daycare have a higher incidence of negative behaviors, and that the negative behaviors persist throughout their lifetime. Things like higher levels of aggression and violence.

 

Really though, so much depends on the parent, the daycare, and the child that broad studies really don't mean much for individual families. My dd has a speech delay and is terrified to the point of immobility of unfamiliar people, so putting her in daycare certainly wouldn't have helped her language. I also know a mother who lets her two year old watch horror movies on a daily basis :eek: so staying at home probably isn't doing much for that kid's behavior.

[JennyD]

I don't know what most people think. However, just FWIW, I agree with your sister. From everything I have read it has yet to be shown that care by a parent in the early years makes much of a difference one way or another, at least in terms of measurable outcomes.

 

Obviously, the subjective experience of motherhood (and I'd say of childhood, too) is entirely different, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have been able to stay home with my children since they were born, but I have yet to read anything that convinces me that it is making any kind of meaningful long-term difference in the sorts of things (e.g., health, behavior, academic achievement) that social scientific studies examine.

Edited April 30, 2011 by JennyD

[Mergath]

I am amazed that anyone would assert that kids in daycare would have better language skills because of conversations with their peers. It's inconceivable to me that conversation among 3 year olds would be more conducive to language acquisition than conversation with an adult. How silly is that.

 

I don't think it's conversation with peers, per se. I've read that when a child hears language from multiple sources, they learn the language faster than if they hear it multiple times from one source. So it's the diversity of communication, more than the fact that they're with peers.

[T'smom]

I am amazed that anyone would assert that kids in daycare would have better language skills because of conversations with their peers. It's inconceivable to me that conversation among 3 year olds would be more conducive to language acquisition than conversation with an adult. How silly is that.

 

 

I know! That's why if it was anyone besides my sister.....I would just think they were crazy. But I know she's not.

 

I was just shocked at the idea that the general public may think that daycare is better.

[T'smom]

I am currently enrolled in a college level human lifespan development psychology class. The assumption of the textbook author is that in typical American culture today, the child will go into a daycare situation early on and the mom will return to work. Of course, this does not necessarily mean that's what most people do, it just depicts that scenario as normative behavior (in this experience of mine, anyway). And if that's what's taught to the masses in the classroom, I imagine it could become the generally accepted way of thinking.

 

Oh, I know that the norm is to send kids to daycare. But the norm is also to eat lots of fast food.....but it's also generally accepted that fast food is not very healthy.

[Spy Car]

I think that the VAST MAJORITY of people in the general population would think it was better for a 0-4 to be at home with a loving and attentive parent who wanted that child home with them.

 

I also think the majority of the general population that would think is would be optimal for a child 3-4 to have some sort of nursery school experience if it was affordable for the parent.

 

Bill

[stripe]

There are studies about who talks and says what to small children. This is the sort of thing that could also be addressed by working with communities and with expectant parents, but upper middle class / college educated mothers speak to their children MORE and about different things than mothers with lower incomes who have less education. (To be clear -- this is about communication style, not love.) To the point that by the time such children are 36 months old, one group has heard 48 million words and the other group of children has heard 13 million words.

I have seen this with my own eyes.

 

I have seen children who are rarely spoken to by their mothers or other family members. They are not engaged or read to, and rarely played with. Family members talk about, say, food, changing clothes, and whatnot, mostly simple things like "Take off your clothes, let's have a bath," or "Here's your food," but a lot of it is instruction about what not to do ("don't spill your juice").

 

I have seen huge differences in verbal ability between children of the same age. I have also seen that preschool type programs -- when well done -- give children something FUN to do, appropriate to their abilities, to fill part of their day. They have little songs to sing, and little stories to hear, and activities to do. Not every parent buys toys for their kids or reads books. Not every community in the world has a library. So in those cases, I do think preschool and other education programs for young children are fun and helpful for them. And in many places, such activities are in the morning only, not from dawn till dusk!

[LauraKay28]

Almost everyone I have ever talked with has given the impression that home is best, if you can do it, for that age group. As far as the immune systems being strengthened?? I have never heard that! Kids in daycare get sick all. the time. My sil used to work in one. And as far as I can tell, it doesn't stop once you get in school. I teach piano out of my home, and it AMAZES me how sick these kids are. My kids have never been in day care or school, and they are rarely sick, even with all the germs that come in my home through my piano students. I don't know if I'm lucky or what, but it sure is nice.:001_smile:

[kalanamak]

It's been my experience that the VAST majority of people think it is better for a child 0-4 to be home with a parent instead of daycare.

 

 

 

:iagree:, but "preschool" is viewed positively, IME. Gone are the days when most kids lived in a neighborhood filled with SAHMs with 3-5 children. I did meet one neighborhood where two SAHMs "informally" did daycare, preschool, you name it for ALL the working mothers in the neighborhood, but it is exceptional. (And their cul-de-sac looked it.)

[Catherine]

There are really excellent parents and really excellent day cares, as far as the happiness and development of the child are concerned. But probably most parents and day cares fall short of that level of competence.

 

I know it didn't feel natural for me to talk to my first child constantly when he was a small baby. I had to get used to the idea and warm up to it. And another posted pointed out the differences in language exposure between children raised in language-rich household and children raised in language-poor households. I would take that a step further and point out that some parents are probably far better at the emotional aspects of parenting than others, and ditto for day cares. My children spent some time in day care, and I certainly learned from the teachers there about both educational and emotional issues. So it doesn't surprise me that research shows a mixed bag.

[stripe]

This is the sort of community program to which I was referring earlier, that attempts to better equip expectant parents: http://www.hcz.org/programs/early-childhood

[Quad Shot Academy]

Every single parent I know, that puts their kids in daycare believes it is by far better for the child. The first time I heard that, I was shocked, but now I believe it to be the common thought in my community. I have even had a doctor say that my kid would not be so sick, had he been in daycare when he was younger and built up an immune system. (He was constantly ill when he was daycare age and he has been constantly ill until he was 10.5.) I have a friend that is looking for a day summer camp to send her 3yo to because she believes it is unfair to keep her daughter with her the whole summer.

[snickelfritz]

I think that the VAST MAJORITY of people in the general population would think it was better for a 0-4 to be at home with a loving and attentive parent who wanted that child home with them.

 

I also think the majority of the general population that would think is would be optimal for a child 3-4 to have some sort of nursery school experience if it was affordable for the parent.

:iagree:

 

And, I would say many also think that part-time daycare (Mothers Day Out) is also beneficial at a younger age. I know those programs around here are busy, filled mostly with kids of full-time stay-at-home moms. Yes, they also benefit mom. But most people throw in how much kid likes it and how much they learn.

[Audrey]

Most of the people I know think it's best for a small child to be at home with a parent if that parent wants to be at home with the child.

 

 

That seems a rare attitude around here, unfortunately. :sad: Most people seem to think you've got to get them into daycare ASAP and pre-school is definitely de rigeur -- or else "they'll be behind." Whatever the heck that means.

[renmew]

I went back to work when my oldest was 8 months, and again when my 2nd and 3rd were 5 weeks. I hated every moment of that and still do. I do agree with the person who said it depends on the parent and the daycare. While I had less luck with my oldest, my younger girls are loved and taken good care of at their home daycare.

 

Overall, I am extremely jealous of all of you every single day with wishing I was home with all my children and teaching them. I will have to be satisfied with weekends and whatever amount of after schooling I can muster. Sigh...

[jewellsmommy]

Every single parent I know, that puts their kids in daycare believes it is by far better for the child. The first time I heard that, I was shocked, but now I believe it to be the common thought in my community. I have even had a doctor say that my kid would not be so sick, had he been in daycare when he was younger and built up an immune system. (He was constantly ill when he was daycare age and he has been constantly ill until he was 10.5.) I have a friend that is looking for a day summer camp to send her 3yo to because she believes it is unfair to keep her daughter with her the whole summer.

 

 

I find this so odd, because my dd's drs, including an infectious disease dr, was relieved that dd was not in a daycare setting. She had a mrsa infection young and post infection they did not want her in daycare because under 5 and in a daycare puts you at a higher risk for mrsa (or re-occurance of mrsa).

[ScoutTN]

I think it is better, without any doubt, if the home situation is healthy.

 

But I think that most people do not believe that anymore, though they may say otherwise. Actions speak louder than words. I know that some people really have no options and must put their young children into daycare. But I see many, many who could stay at home with their children and choose the daycare/preschool route without seriously questioning it.

 

Many are simply not willing to make financial sacrifices, give up a career or go against the flow. Some are trapped by debt. Some don't have any people in their lives who would support such a choice. Some don't feel called or equipped to be a SAHM and make a choice based on their emotions. Many have never really considered the negative effects of daycare (or traditional school for that matter). Sadly, many have never known any other way to live.

 

When the person who succeeded me in my job (I left when DD was born.) announced she was leaving, many people there approached me and asked if I would consider taking the position. They were serious and often looked confused when I pointed out the ages of my kids. To them daycare (or a nanny for the wealthier ones) was a given. I probably offended some women when I said (nicely, I hope!) that it was far more important that I am at home with my children. And this was in a very conservative church. I find this attitude to be pervasive across many socioeconomic groups.

 

When considering what "studies show", also consider who funded/researched the study and what agenda do they have? You can do a study to prove what you want it to prove. Not all research is well done.

Edited April 30, 2011 by ScoutTN

[vonfirmath]

"They have better language skills because they hear their peers using language."

 

 

This turned out to be very useful for my son, who was delayed in language. After he went to childcare, his language skills took off. I do think he enjoys being around the other kids/doing things with others. He has not missed out on quite so much in childcare as I feared he would when it turned out, despite all my wishes of what would happen, we had to put him in childcare. He's thrived and had good caretakers.

[JennyD]

I find this so odd, because my dd's drs, including an infectious disease dr, was relieved that dd was not in a daycare setting. She had a mrsa infection young and post infection they did not want her in daycare because under 5 and in a daycare puts you at a higher risk for mrsa (or re-occurance of mrsa).

 

The most recent study I saw had some fairly compelling numbers suggesting that young children in group care settings got more infections than children not in group care, but that by school age those same children had fewer infections.

 

So if you have a child for whom a early infection would be especially bad news, you'd want to keep them out of daycare, but for in general there may be a trade-off between getting sick earlier and getting sick later. My kids have never been in daycare or school, and I sometimes wonder they are going to get just slammed with illnesses if and when they ever go into some kind of school setting (e.g., high school, college).

Edited April 30, 2011 by JennyD

[Daisy]

Agreeing with others. Generally people around here feel children 0-2 are best with their mothers but by three they are entering private preschools or Head Start programs. I'm rather sick of hearing about K3, K4, K5....

 

I don't really understand it because every SAHM I know (the vast majority of which are NOT homeschooling parents) does preschool type activities with their children and take their children to library story time, park play dates, etc. Why would you need preschool on top of that?

 

But then again, my brother and SIL have had their daughter in daycare and now preschool since she was 6 months old. They says it makes her smarter. All I know is that it guarantees my SIL her spa days and allows her the opportunity to gripe if god-forbid she is stuck with her 3yo all day long. Is there an eye-rolling emoticon? Sorry, but the idea that you would send your kid to extended day preschool (7am-5 or 6pm) just so you had time to go shopping or to the spa really irks me.

[RoundAbout]

Agreeing with others. Generally people around here feel children 0-2 are best with their mothers but by three they are entering private preschools or Head Start programs. I'm rather sick of hearing about K3, K4, K5....

 

I don't really understand it because every SAHM I know (the vast majority of which are NOT homeschooling parents) does preschool type activities with their children and take their children to library story time, park play dates, etc. Why would you need preschool on top of that?

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

This is the attitude I encounter and I'm rather sick of hearing about Preschool/Pre-K as well. It seems so expected these days.

 

OTOH, yeah I've almost never heard anyone say daycare was better for a baby/toddler unless the home situation was really poor.

[RoundAbout]

The most recent study I saw had some fairly compelling numbers suggesting that young children in group care settings got more infections than children not in group care, but that by school age those same children had fewer infections.

 

So if you have a child for whom a early infection would be especially bad news, you'd want to keep them out of daycare, but for in general there may be a trade-off between getting sick earlier and getting sick later. My kids have never been in daycare or school, and I sometimes wonder they are going to get just slammed with illnesses if and when they ever go into some kind of school setting (e.g., high school, college).

 

The studies I read said this is true, but implied the only this was important was because missing days of "real school", especially in critical early elementary, instead of just "preschool" was a much bigger deal.

[I.Dup.]

Our pediatrician (the best ped in our county) told me that she'd recommend I pull dd out of preschool when she was in for a brief stint several years ago. She told me she is homeschooling her kids because she can't deal with how often they get sick in day care/preschool. That was refreshing to hear from an intelligent working professional.

 

I do think people are going along with the culture of our time, which is that it's normal to get rid of your kids as soon as possible. We have a school system for 2yo's here, where a bus will come and pick them up and everything. :sad: That's actually the reason I started homeschooling, I just couldn't imagine sending my children off when they were 3, 4, or 5 years old.

[MamaBearTeacher]

Most people I know think that preschool or daycare is better after age 3/4. It was not until I joined these boards that I saw others that don't feel this way.

[lovelaughs_times_three]

I saw a news report on my local channel about this subject. I think you can find positive things to say about either choice. I think that since most people choose to work and have their kids in pre-school, the "research" tends to favor this choice. It seemed to me that the evidence was presented in such a way as to keep moms who work from feeling guilty. I think most moms (in their hearts) feel the instinct to stay with their young children. I think we culturally overcome what our hearts tell us. But we still deal with the nagging mommy-guilt. So we look to "research" to tell us we are doing the right thing. If you are looking for peer verbal skills or high immune systems, pre-school may be your option. I was working towards different goals. Hence, my decision to stay at home and of course, to homeschool.

[lauracolumbus]

I saw a news report on my local channel about this subject. I think you can find positive things to say about either choice. I think that since most people choose to work and have their kids in pre-school, the "research" tends to favor this choice. It seemed to me that the evidence was presented in such a way as to keep moms who work from feeling guilty. I think most moms (in their hearts) feel the instinct to stay with their young children. I think we culturally overcome what our hearts tell us. But we still deal with the nagging mommy-guilt. So we look to "research" to tell us we are doing the right thing. If you are looking for peer verbal skills or high immune systems, pre-school may be your option. I was working towards different goals. Hence, my decision to stay at home and of course, to homeschool.

 

I agree. I think this is what happened with the br**st feeding issue about 10-15 years ago. It was all about what was comfortable for the mother, not what was healthiest for the baby. Now, docs are finally coming out and saying br**stfeeding is best if it's possible. At least one of those early studies compared kids in high quality day care who came from low-stimulating homes and measured how well they thrived in high quality care. It was an apples to oranges comparison, which was interpreted into 'day care is good for infants.'

 

I have a cousin whose two children went to 'school' at 15 months even though my aunt was living with them at the time and had watched them up until that point. My cousin seriously believes they need to be in 'school' for 10-12 hours a day while she and her husband work.

 

Laura

[Penelope]

I saw a news report on my local channel about this subject. I think you can find positive things to say about either choice. I think that since most people choose to work and have their kids in pre-school, the "research" tends to favor this choice.

 

I haven't heard anything new about home vs. daycare/preschool in a while, but every study I have ever seen favors care by a parent at home, or no benefit either way. Even preschool studies do not show long-term benefits, to my knowledge.

 

Yet, maybe because of inaccurate news reporting or just cultural norms, it is considered very unusual to not have the children in some sort of care by age 2.5 or 3.

[mcconnellboys]

I've read some studies that indicate that it's better for kids to be with parents as opposed to full-time daycare. That said, I don't think there's a bit of harm in a two or three hour pre-school for a 2 or 3 year old. Or pre-school for ages 3 and up. My younger son attended such programming and loved it.

[2_girls_mommy]

I hadto actively seek out people who felt like me that children should be at home with their mothers. Only my mother, who was a SAHM when I was younger, felt the same. But EVERYONE else I knew thought young kids should be "with kids their own age." I began hearing this by the time my Odd was 1 yr old. I began hearing about it from strangers even by the time she was 4 and we opted out of preK which is free in the schools here, so everyone does it. I think I really shocked people when we didn't enroll for that.

[sewingmama]

Around here everyone thinks that daycare is better and that your child will be "behind and immature" if they don't go. Ever since my first child was born people have been asking me when I will be putting her/them in daycare so they don't become dependent/attached to me (like it's a bad thing:glare:). All except my mother - who actually works in a daycare and begs me not to put my kids in one ever because of things she has seen (and she works in a private, very expensive daycare where the parents are lawyers and doctors).

 

My DD does go to Pre-K 3 days a week and loves it. She had a lot of speech issues and has improved out of sight since she started going.

 

There are plenty of beneficial reasons to put your child in daycare - we live in an area where there are lots of refugee families. A lot of them put their children in daycare to help them acclimatise to the culture as well as to learn English - which the parents don't speak - I can certainly see the benefit of the child learning English before starting Kindergarten.

 

Our area is also low socio-economic -for a lot of little kids - daycare is the only stable thing going in their life and it can be a real haven from their homelife. Some children are also "required" by the State to be in daycare -for their own safety and to give parents, who are barely coping, a break. It's like the last step before their kids will be taken from them.

 

I also don't judge people who put their kids in daycare for a "day at the spa" so to speak. Some families have NO outside support and daycare is the only chance they get to take a break because there is literally no one else they can ask to watch their kid. I am one of these people and whilst I have never actually put my kids in daycare there have been times when I've been so close to a breakdown from the stress of constantly caring for three little ones alone that I have considered it - not everyone has fabulous coping skills - for some kids it really is better (and safer) for them if their parents get constant breaks and time out for themselves.

 

I cetainly believe daycare has it's place in society and for some kids daycare is better then being at home. I don't agree that if you don't send your child they will be behind, immature or socially retarded - but I also don't think that staying at home is better if the SAHP just ignores them and lets them watch tv all day.

 

It's a case by case basis.