5knights3maidens Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 (edited) At a b*by sh*wer, would you exclude the father's sisters, young elementary age from the sh*wer when you said no children allowed? Especially when the family is driving many hours to get there(the same day as sh*ower) and hasn't seen the father of the baby in many months/almost a year? Also, the family will only be staying that night and going back home the next day. Edited April 29, 2011 by 5knights3maidens adding more... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Absolutely not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 No I would not. But I would love to know why you are avoiding spelling the words baby and shower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollie010 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 No I would not. But I would love to know why you are avoiding spelling the words baby and shower. I was wondering the same thing. I know there has to be a good reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 No way. But I wouldn't have made it a "no children allowed" event either. Pegasus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 (edited) Of course not! And I gotta know - why did you use stars in b*b* sh*wer?? Edited April 29, 2011 by LauraGB fixed my letters :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5knights3maidens Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 I don't want it to be brought up on a search. :001_smile: Maybe it doesn't matter anyway. :001_smile: But, this is happening to us and I feel like crying. Oh, boy.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I'm curious...is father supposed to be at the shower? If *not,* maybe that's a good chance to spend time w/ him. (Not that that makes the exclusion make much sense or hurt less, but...a possible small fix.) Otherwise? I'd probably just go home. But don't take my advice--I'm too passive aggressive. :D (But if you decide you *want* to be p/a...I've got seriously *evil* ideas....) ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I don't want it to be brought up on a search. :001_smile: Maybe it doesn't matter anyway. :001_smile: But, this is happening to us and I feel like crying. Oh, boy.......... :grouphug: That stinks. I mean, aren't b*b* sh*wers all about, you know, families and such? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5knights3maidens Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 I'm curious...is father supposed to be at the shower? If *not,* maybe that's a good chance to spend time w/ him. (Not that that makes the exclusion make much sense or hurt less, but...a possible small fix.) Otherwise? I'd probably just go home. But don't take my advice--I'm too passive aggressive. :D (But if you decide you *want* to be p/a...I've got seriously *evil* ideas....) ;) Well, One of my other older boys says to just show up at the door and smile. :D He says, "What are they gonna do, throw you out?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katiebug_1976 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Well, One of my other older boys says to just show up at the door and smile. :D He says, "What are they gonna do, throw you out?" No, I don't think they should be excluded (wait! It's not an X rated occasion, is it? :D sorry, I couldn't resist). I would either show up, or just not go at all. If anyone asked why you weren't there..."because 1/2 of us were not allowed." Ok, so that's probably not very nice, and you would be missing out also...I just think it really stinks, given the fact that you are close family and have not seen each other for a long time. This is a very short window to spend time together. I would think everyone would want to take advantage of that. I hope it all works out.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 "no children?" If that is what the invitation said, I would abide by it. It seems sort of silly, but if the invitation said that, that is what it said. You don't get to insist that uninvited guest be invited, though you can always boycott the whole affair. The Mother to Be might have wanted to ask for an exception on behalf of her little in-laws, though. The party is in her honor, and I would think the hostess would want to hear from her if this did not suit. But as a guest, I would not show up with uninvited guests. That's just not right. I might not go at all, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Well, possibly.... I did get invited to a shower that was an "adults only" party. Catered, fancy linens, even had a string quartet playing. It really was not a family event. Of course, the father wasn't there either, so I think if he had little sisters, they would not have felt left out anyway. Some folks simply do not invite children to adult parties. And baby showers are all about the mom-to-be (and in theory about the baby, but in reality not so much). "Mom-to-be" may just not feel like being around other people's kids right now, especially if she doesn't know them well and the other guests are mostly her friends and all adults. If not taking the little girls along with you is a problem, I would just not go. No hard feelings - just pass on your regrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 We don't do adults only parties among family. and I wouldn't drive several hours and spend the night for such a party. I would just send a gift. but It seems like a really bad way to start off with your in-laws. Pretty dumb, actually. I don't know what I would do in your shoes.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 :grouphug: I'm sorry this is happening to you. :( Is the father going to be at the shower? Would it be appropriate for the father or the mother to be to talk to the hostess and ask if the aunts to be would be welcomed, despite their young age? All of my sisters came to my shower. I don't really understand why children would be a nuisance at a shower, honestly. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 "no children?" If that is what the invitation said, I would abide by it. It seems sort of silly, but if the invitation said that, that is what it said. You don't get to insist that uninvited guest be invited, though you can always boycott the whole affair. The Mother to Be might have wanted to ask for an exception on behalf of her little in-laws, though. The party is in her honor, and I would think the hostess would want to hear from her if this did not suit. But as a guest, I would not show up with uninvited guests. That's just not right. I might not go at all, though. :iagree: Normally men don't attend baby showers here, so it wouldn't be an issue. I also don't understand why ANY man has to bring his little sisters to ANY event. :confused: My boys are teens and don't have to do that. Either I or dh would choose to stay home with the younger siblings. In this case, most likely I would go with the ds in question while dh stayed home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Men aren't usually at showers here, nor are children. I honestly can't think of one where there were any kids, and usually the husbands ran out the door as fast as possible to avoid being roped into admiring baby gear :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I honestly can't think of one where there were any kids, and usually the husbands ran out the door as fast as possible to avoid being roped into admiring baby gear :lol: 'Round these parts we keep the men folk handy with the pickup truck to tote the loot home. Promises are made and they stick around. ;) Teasing! I made my dh come to ours because I didn't want to deal with the Clash of the Families by myself. Back to the originally scheduled thread... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Well, One of my other older boys says to just show up at the door and smile. :D He says, "What are they gonna do, throw you out?" I think you should follow your son's advice. :D No I would never exclude the father's family, especially if they are coming in from out of town, and only for one night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I've never seen elementary age children at a baby sh*wer. Given what I think I understand of your situation, I would probably try to arrange to stay an extra night at a hotel in order to spend time with my son -- the 24 hour trip sounds awfully rushed and stressful. Assuming dad and son will also be at the shower, I would call the hostess and say "we're bringing our daughters who are XX, do you know any teenagers that could come watch them at the hotel during the sh*wer". She may graciously say oh just bring them, we'd love to have them. Or she may suggest a teenager to babysit, or set up a room in the back where they can watch videos or something. It's really up to the hostess if she wants children, depending on how she envisions the party, and I would try not to take it personally! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 It kind of gives me the giggles that people don't want kids at a baby shower. "No kids, please, I'm going to have enough of that nonsense in just a few months." :D I'm sure everyone's answers are skewed to what they're used to. "Adults only" is mostly used for weddings around here, and even then has always meant, ime, "except for flower girls, close relatives, and maybe a few other kids we really like." I've never been to a baby shower that didn't have kids present. Those things are so deathly boring that I'm amazed anyone would waste a babysitter to attend one. And half or more of the baby showers in the last five years or so have been couple showers (mom and dad to be both present, which makes sense, really). I'd probably call dad to be and say, hey, we were trying to figure out a way for your sisters to see you, what can we do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 We were once invited overseas to a family wedding.. as in my dh's older brother.. and told no children were permitted. At the time we had a 10 month old child. I told my dh if he was interested in going fine.. but I wasn't traveling that far to ditch my kid with some strangers so his brother and wife could have some fancy pants wedding. :glare: I'm with your older son. I'd take your daughter and go. I've never seen children excluded from such events before. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 At some showers I have attended there is a lot of nitty gritty discussion of childbirth, sex after delivery, and nursing and such as gifts are opened and passed around. Some women are uncomfortable talking about these topics freely in front of children. I would wonder if that is why the invitation said no children personally. My dh came to my shower but ony because I asked for men to come too. I wanted my dad and brother to be able to celebrate with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Could you skip the shower and pick another time to go spend time with the brother? Honestly, if I was going to be making such a quick trip, and hadn't seen family in so long, I wouldn't really want to spend the time at a shower. I would maybe try to go the following weekend when you could spend undivided time with him and mom-to-be. That said, I would never expect family to be part of the "no children allowed". Is there contact info for the hostess? Can you ask her about it and see if an exception could be made? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 What is a baby shower without doting aunties, whatever their age?!? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 If the father is part of this, why isn't he just saying "Hey, my sisters are coming." and having that be the end of it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Nope. The "no kids" rule should be waived for close family members, except maybe for weddings. Showers are far less-formal events. No reasons the little aunties-to-be shouldn't be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 At a b*by sh*wer, would you exclude the father's sisters, young elementary age from the sh*wer when you said no children allowed? Especially when the family is driving many hours to get there(the same day as sh*ower) and hasn't seen the father of the baby in many months/almost a year? Also, the family will only be staying that night and going back home the next day. Maybe it's because we're military and have lived far away from our family, but my shower and many I've attended have not included the prospective grandmothers. They were showers thrown by friends of a similar age. I don't think that a shower is a big obligatory event that anyone should develop hard feelings over. Nor do I think that it has to be a big party with games and silliness (though I've been at a couple of those that were nice). One of the nicest showers was for a friend who was having her first baby. There were only five other ladies there. The grandmothers were thousands of miles away. It was very sweet. I didn't even think to invite my mom or mil to the shower held when my first son was born. Can you not ask outright if the aunts to be are an exception to the no kids rule? I'm thinking that the planner is simply thinking that it is a moment for the friends of the mom to be adult friends without having the dual duties of being moms on call (if their own children are there). If you decide it is best to shower her (and the baby) with love on a different occasion, then stay gracious about it. For me, I think I might wait so that we could stay longer and perhaps be there to help after the baby has arrived. (YMMV, obviously my sons are still younger. But I remember how hurt I was when my own parents seemed unable to listen to what I was saying to them when I was almost due. It took a long time for those hurt feelings to scab over, and we're still not in as much harmony as I wish we were.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virg Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I have never been to a one where girl children weren't allowed. I do think it is odd. Esp since you are traveling. However my family is really into... well family. I can't imagine not inviting my mother or mil! (Well maybe my new MIL but she hates me lol.) We also a lot of times have 2 or even 3 showers. One for family, friends and a lot of times, and sometimes your church throws you one too. I have also been to only one "no children allowed" wedding. Even the formal evening weddings I have been to have allowed children. I honestly am not sure if I would go. Not really to be mean but just because I don't like leaving my kids over night and if they weren't welcome I would feel irritated at the event, OTOH is it something you really want to miss? It sucks that you were put in this position! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I would graciously welcome them and then find a way to make their visit enjoyable; however, anyone I invite would be polite enough not to bring individuals to an event if their names were not on the invitation. Also, I would be tripping over myself to make sure they knew they were welcome, although I disagree that baby showers are about families. Baby showers are a gift grab and an event to celebrate a woman and her baby. The guest of honor is in charge of the guest list--not well-meaning yet impolite family members. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 There are no children at most of the baby showers I attend, but the father is uaully not there for most of it (he comes at the very end for a minute to say thank you, give hugs all around, and help haul off the presents.) So the sisters could go somewhere with him (nearby restaurant, etc.) during the shower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 At some showers I have attended there is a lot of nitty gritty discussion of childbirth, sex after delivery, and nursing and such as gifts are opened and passed around. Some women are uncomfortable talking about these topics freely in front of children. Well, if that's not a reason to have children at showers, I don't know what is! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Children are not common attendants at baby showers here, unless they are specifically invited. I have only been to one shower with elementary kids and quite frankly they annoyed the crud out of every one. Begging for more and punch, candy and wanting to cut the cake themselves. Running amok from being bored to tears. They wanted to play the games but didn't understand them. The parent who brought them was exhausted by the time it was over. Unless there was a place for the kids to play when they got bored, I wouldn't want to take my kids to a baby shower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I would graciously welcome them and then find a way to make their visit enjoyable; however, anyone I invite would be polite enough not to bring individuals to an event if their names were not on the invitation. Also, I would be tripping over myself to make sure they knew they were welcome, although I disagree that baby showers are about families. Baby showers are a gift grab and an event to celebrate a woman and her baby. The guest of honor is in charge of the guest list--not well-meaning yet impolite family members. I don't know how "gracious" you can be to their faces if behind their backs you're convinced they're impolite. Unless you mean that you would never have been rude enough to disclude out-of-town guests from a party in the first place, but that's not how your post reads. You seem to be specifically attacking the integrity & manners of OP, who has *not* said she would crash dil's party, simply that she's hurt at the way things are playing out & wonders what to do. Your mixed messages are really confusing me--not just the gracious/impolite concept but also the "gift grab" vs "celebrating a woman & her baby." A gift grab sounds inherently crass, not at all about celebrating. But in either case, I'd expect most people would either want more gifts for the "gift grab" or more voices in the choir of mom's "joy." Perhaps I'm simply unfamiliar with the type of showers you throw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 At some showers I have attended there is a lot of nitty gritty discussion of childbirth, sex after delivery, and nursing and such as gifts are opened and passed around. Some women are uncomfortable talking about these topics freely in front of children. I would wonder if that is why the invitation said no children personally. My dh came to my shower but ony because I asked for men to come too. I wanted my dad and brother to be able to celebrate with us. There is that, but I've also been to some incredibly tacky showers that involved "games" that would would be completely inappropriate for children to see or hear. Frankly, I think they're inappropriate for adults, too, but apparently not everyone share my opinion on that. Disclaimer: I hate wedding, engagement & baby showers and all related such parties, and I actively seek any reason I can to get out of going to one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 (edited) I don't know how "gracious" you can be to their faces if behind their backs you're convinced they're impolite. Unless you mean that you would never have been rude enough to disclude out-of-town guests from a party in the first place, but that's not how your post reads. You seem to be specifically attacking the integrity & manners of OP, who has *not* said she would crash dil's party, simply that she's hurt at the way things are playing out & wonders what to do. Your mixed messages are really confusing me--not just the gracious/impolite concept but also the "gift grab" vs "celebrating a woman & her baby." A gift grab sounds inherently crass, not at all about celebrating. But in either case, I'd expect most people would either want more gifts for the "gift grab" or more voices in the choir of mom's "joy." Perhaps I'm simply unfamiliar with the type of showers you throw. It is gracious to overlook and ignore the rudeness and thoughtfulness of others and to treat them with dignity despite their ignorance of etiquette and despite the snarky thoughts that might initially run through my head. I'd get over it and be kind. Edited April 30, 2011 by arghmatey Misspelling, Rudeness Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Whose name was on the invitation? If your daughters were the exception to the rule, their names would have been on the invitation. I would *not* just show up with uninvited guests. If my young daughters were not invited and it caused a hardship and hindered me from attending, then I would say to my son, "Your little sisters are so, so, so excited about the baby! I think it would be best if we come visit during another weekend so they can be part of the excitement too." Then, I'd get out my calendar and pick another date. I know how hard it is to feel slighted, but the gracious thing to do is either go by yourself or bring everyone at a different time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5knights3maidens Posted April 30, 2011 Author Share Posted April 30, 2011 The "one in charge" is the other grandmom. I have caught "little" lies in messages sent to me. No invitations sent. This happened with the wedding also. We couldn't go because we were given extremely short notice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 It is gracious to overlook and ignore the rudeness and thoughtfulness of others and to treat them with dignity despite their ignorance of etiquette and despite the snarky thoughts that might initially run through my head. I'd get over it and be kind. :lol::iagree: Whose name was on the invitation? If your daughters were the exception to the rule, their names would have been on the invitation. I would *not* just show up with uninvited guests. If my young daughters were not invited and it caused a hardship and hindered me from attending, then I would say to my son, "Your little sisters are so, so, so excited about the baby! I think it would be best if we come visit during another weekend so they can be part of the excitement too." Then, I'd get out my calendar and pick another date. I know how hard it is to feel slighted, but the gracious thing to do is either go by yourself or bring everyone at a different time. :iagree::grouphug: The "one in charge" is the other grandmom. I have caught "little" lies in messages sent to me. No invitations sent. This happened with the wedding also. We couldn't go because we were given extremely short notice. Wait! You have not been invited AT ALL? Then of course, going at all, much less with little siblings is NOT an option. It sounds like that side of the family tends to do "their own thing". It might not be slighting you so much as VERY different family dynamics. My family and my dh's family NEVER do anything together and they all live in the same 2 hour region/vicinity. When his mother threw a baby shower with my first, it was for HER side of the family. She fully expected MY family to plan their own event. Same goes for any other event, Christmas, Easter, whatever. Your son and his wife will simply have to learn to balance between the two families. Yes, that means you might not see him for the shower bc he isn't coming to town for that purpose. Next time it might mean they don't see their dd because his family is traveling to be at an occasion for his side of the family. It sounds like that is highly likely just the way their family dynamics is and having hard feelings about it won't make much difference.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5knights3maidens Posted April 30, 2011 Author Share Posted April 30, 2011 My son is expecting us to go. Invitations never go out. It is through the church. They know we don't really have family besides us a couple other people. I have never ever heard of a soon to be grandparent/or close family members not be invited to a shower. That is unheard of here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 My son is expecting us to go. Invitations never go out. It is through the church. They know we don't really have family besides us a couple other people. I have never ever heard of a soon to be grandparent/or close family members not be invited to a shower. That is unheard of here. Okayyyy. Then I'm confused.:confused: Is the other grandmother throwing the party or "the church"? Just because it is AT the church, does not necessarily mean the the church is sponsoring it? If they have not given any kind of invitations (snail mail or email or even a telephone call) then how does everyone know where to be and that they shouldn't bring children? Did they email or call you specificly to say not to bring children? Is your son expecting YOU to go or has he specificly said he expects his younger sisters to be there too? If he specificly said he expects his younger sisters, then I would tell him bluntly I'm confused because soandso or the invite or whatever said to NOT bring children, so would he please verify that for me because I don't want to step on any toes and their happy event and need to plan for a sitter. And then let him resolve that issue and go with whatever he said to do. If he calls back and says to bring them, then I would. If he calls backs and says, sorry mom I made an error and the girls need to stay home, then that is what I would do. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 My son is expecting us to go. Invitations never go out. It is through the church. They know we don't really have family besides us a couple other people. I have never ever heard of a soon to be grandparent/or close family members not be invited to a shower. That is unheard of here. We didn't invite grandparents/great-grandparents that did not live in the city to any of our showers -- they just are not events one "travels" to -- though none lived close enough to even make it a real issue. They would have been invited if they lived in city Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 If you're not invited, I would simply host a shower for them in your town. The little aunties can even plan it! I wouldn't travel there for their church shower and I see no reason that both families can't host their own -- more showers of love for the honorees! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 If you're not invited, I would simply host a shower for them in your town. The little aunties can even plan it! I wouldn't travel there for their church shower and I see no reason that both families can't host their own -- more showers of love for the honorees! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigomama Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I think it's something you should work out with your son. It seems odd that they would give such late notice of a wedding that you couldn't attend, when he was the one (I assume) that proposed in the first place. And if you heard about the baby shower from him, then I would clarify through him, if your other children could attend. If it's not going to work out for you all to go, I would seriously consider throwing your own shower, and probably after the baby came, then you could show and share the baby with those around you that would like to see him/her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 If it's not going to work out for you all to go, I would seriously consider throwing your own shower, and probably after the baby came, then you could show and share the baby with those around you that would like to see him/her. :iagree: Just a quick note on bringing dc to showers... I detest it when moms bring their dc especially when the dc were not specifically invited. I hosted a shower in my home that was disastrous! The first vehicle drove up and out came 4 dc. The next had 6 dc. The next had 5 dc. We ended up with 25 dc in my house. :001_huh: They pushed to the front of the food/cake line, they took heaping helpings leaving little for the moms, they trashed my dc's rooms (they were unsupervised because my dh had taken our own dc out for the afternoon and the moms couldn't be bothered to leave the party to watch their own dc :glare:). I found chocolate cake in my dc's beds, closets and ground into the carpet. After that any shower I hosted specifically stated: Nursing babies welcome. ;) Wouldn't you know some women still showed up with their tribe in tow?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 It sounds like you need to have a very specific conversation with your DS. You should tell him that since the other grandma is hosting the shower, then you will need an invitation from her (phone, email, etc) or you will not be able to come. Just showing up - could be rude. Not showing up - could be rude. Bringing kids - could be rude. You just don't know because the host has not contacted you in any way. I'm all for be easy going with family, but since you've had some conflict (or I think you said there had been little lies), then I would tell it to your DS straight. They need to either invite you officially (ie it comes from the host) or not. But if you don't go, I would try to do some type of baby shower or small luncheon with gifts for them on your own terms. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Is this a shower that was announced in the church bulletin, or something along those lines? If so, I'd try to see if I could find out what that said. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 If you're not invited, I would simply host a shower for them in your town. The little aunties can even plan it! I wouldn't travel there for their church shower and I see no reason that both families can't host their own -- more showers of love for the honorees! :iagree: Just a quick note on bringing dc to showers... I detest it when moms bring their dc especially when the dc were not specifically invited. I hosted a shower in my home that was disastrous! The first vehicle drove up and out came 4 dc. The next had 6 dc. The next had 5 dc. We ended up with 25 dc in my house. :001_huh: They pushed to the front of the food/cake line, they took heaping helpings leaving little for the moms, they trashed my dc's rooms (they were unsupervised because my dh had taken our own dc out for the afternoon and the moms couldn't be bothered to leave the party to watch their own dc :glare:). I found chocolate cake in my dc's beds, closets and ground into the carpet. After that any shower I hosted specifically stated: Nursing babies welcome. ;) Wouldn't you know some women still showed up with their tribe in tow?? Yes. This is a factor too. If all the adults are there to be involved in the new mom party, who IS watching the younger kids? Are they going to be expected to just sit there for hours watching her open baby stuff and talk stretch marks and epidurals or what? If this is being held at a church, they can't just be running off and are too old for nursery. If this is held at the ore grandma's house, maybe she doesn't have a child friendly home. I know my mil doesn't. (White carpet and cream colored furniture And lots of breakables!) Sigh. I suppose I will be in your shoes before I know it. My oldest and this newest baby are going to be 16 years apart. It is a bit sad yet inevitable that sometimes I'm going to have to leave the littles at home so I can be there for important events for the oldest kids. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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