S/O If you are a person of color--Is "negro" offensive?

[Pretty in Pink]

I don't think you can go wrong with "black".

[Mimm]

Even "person of color" is misleading, because it means anything-but-white and could include everyone but northern Europeans, essentially.

 

My black friends have said they prefer "black" to "African American" because they've never been to Africa; however, none of my Asian friends are the least bit offended by being called Asian, even if they've never been there. I'm sure they wouldn't want to be called yellow. My white friends all call themselves white, not Caucasian. I just recently learned that my Pakistani friends prefer to be called South Asian, and not Middle Eastern. Oops. Some Native Americans prefer to be called Natives, some call themselves Indians. It seems to vary so much person-to-person. You're bound to offend someone.

 

People need to be ok with correcting people without getting offended. Most of us are perfectly willing to call someone by the label that they prefer but it's almost an individual choice.

 

I have an adopted sister who is black. I can't exactly call her African-American because she's from Haiti. Though she would never call herself Haitian-American. Funny story: she works as a waitress in her very small town. One time a very old woman (in her 80s or 90s) came in with her grown grandson. As she was about to walk away from the table after taking their order, the woman grabbed her hand and said, "I am so happy for you."

 

Confused, my sister said, "Why?"

 

"I'm so happy that you people are free."

 

"Um, who?" my sister said.

 

"The Negros. I was really rooting for you guys."

 

My sister finally gets what she is talking about and tries not to burst out laughing. "Oh... thank you." She says the woman's grandson was looking absolutely mortified.

 

"That must have been really hard for you," the woman says.

 

"Oh, yes," my sister says dramatically. "It really really was." And she manages to walk away.

 

Then she went on to call everyone who would listen because she thought it was so hilarious.

[WishboneDawn]

Not necessarily. If you stick to the preferred terms--"black," "white," "Asian," "Latino," "Middle Eastern," in U.S. culture--you really are not going to offend people (assuming that the content of what you are saying isn't offensive!).

 

I live in a city that is predominantly black, and probably 1/2 of my students are black and 1/4 are Middle Eastern. I've never had a single friend, acquaintance, or student be offended by (or hesitate to use) either "black" or "Middle Eastern." If you went around using "Negro" or "Brown" or "Arab," though, you probably would offend some people, because those aren't the terms currently used and preferred.

 

Plus, IME, people are WAY more forgiving than we think about innocent, well-intentioned mistakes. It's one thing for somebody who honestly don't know that a term is offensive to use it. In most cases, people will be very understanding. When we first moved to Detroit, my son went around describing people as "brown" for a very long time. Nobody was ever offended. It's another, though, to obstinately decide that we want to refer to people the way WE want to refer to them, regardless of their preference and even though we know many people find that term offensive. In those cases, I can understand why people would feel slighted or offended.

 

I'll use a personal example: I have a hyphenated last name, and go by "Ms. E-S." It doesn't offend or upset me if somebody calls me "Mrs. S." Many people use that format for their name, and I don't expect people to know right away how to refer to me. However, if it's somebody who should know better--somebody who I've sent numerous pieces of mail to, for example, with my name written out, or somebody I've discussed it with--and they keep calling me "Mrs. S," then, yes, it does begin to bother me. Not because there's anything inherently offensive about the words, but because it seems like a sign of disrespect to me. They know how I want to be referred to, and they are refusing to do so. Just like I imagine that if I went by "Mrs. S," I'd be a bit put off if somebody who knew that was my preferred way of being addressed kept calling me "Ms. E-S."

 

So in most cases, I really don't think people offense is a result of being overly-sensitive, but of being appropriately annoyed by having people disregard their preferences. My son hates nicknames, and he feels disrespected when, knowing that, I persist in using them. I do my best to respect that (although sometimes it's hard, because I've always used nicknames for my kids!), because he has every right to be addressed how he wants to be addressed. So does everybody else. That's just basic respect for others, and I'm really saddened that we've decided to write that kind of basic respect off as "politically correct nonsense," which is the impression I get from so many people.

 

I think you've gotten to the root of the issue. It's not that there's a universally correct name, it's that we all have the right to name ourselves and it's a simple matter of respect for others to honour that.

 

A friend and I often have this conversation. She's part native, part peruvian, part Acadian, adopted into a family with deep English roots, has a native (officially a "status Indian", Indian not being such a troublesome term around here) son...Issues of labels and identity that seem to many of us to be rather irrelevent ("It's the person that counts, not the colour," kind of thing. What a luxury that some of us can think that!) are a factor in her life every single day and there's no one community where she can simply relax and be at home.

[Ibbygirl]

I think it's the idea of someone else referring to a person BY skin color. Not the actual word used (unless it's the doozy n-word or something else that is offensive, like, say "darkies," which is a no-no to me). I don't think anyone is necessarily offended by a very young child's words, it's more "Didn't your mama teach you better?" or "What kind of wacky house are you living in?" It's an objectification of that person. It's a reduction of that person TO that single characteristic. A characteristic through which many people are disparaged and discriminated against.

 

No one is asking you to "not notice" someone's color. It's just that mentioning it for no reason suggests that it is normal to be white, and totally ABNORMAL or so exceptional that it deserves special notice, to be anything else. The same way women's groups object to things like "The woman doctor I see is actually not too bad." Is it sometimes relevant to point out someone is a female? Sure. Including "Would you prefer to see a female or male doctor for your colonoscopy?" But to constantly refer to a woman professional as a woman suggests it is an abnormal state of affairs, that it must be pointed out.

 

Let's translate this into homeschool-speak. The same way people on this forum get tired of statements like "That homeschooled girl who came to the library program actually knew how to read, can you imagine?"

 

It's interesting to me, sociologically/culturally speaking, how terminologies mean such widely varying things from location to location. This thread has been and interesting and eye opening read for me. :)

[Impish]

Wow!! :eek: I had no idea!! :svengo: I will seriously have to try to remember that if I should ever go to Canada. I had no idea that "Indian" was so offensive there. I live very close to a Seminole Indian reservation and have been around them pretty much all my life and they always refer to themselves as Indians, well actually more specifically, the Indians I know always referred to themselves by their specific tribe ie. Creek, Cherokee, Seminole etc. but if describing their ethnicity they would say "Indian". I actually never even heard the term "First Nations" before I heard you say it Imp. I have to ask the Seminoles when I'm around them next if they use the term First Nations. :)

I only learned of it b/c of Wolf's birth family. 'Native Indian' was the term I'd heard most often before...well...I almost had my head removed for using that term when we first got together by his sister. Ranted and raved on and on that their family wasn't from India, etc...

 

"First Nations" seems to be mainly a Canadian term, more popular in Western Canada. Its what the People have chosen for themselves, and I think that's the big thing. "Indian" was a mistaken term to start with.

[snickelfritz]

I think it's the idea of someone else referring to a person BY skin color. Not the actual word used (unless it's the doozy n-word or something else that is offensive, like, say "darkies," which is a no-no to me). I don't think anyone is necessarily offended by a very young child's words, it's more "Didn't your mama teach you better?" or "What kind of wacky house are you living in?" It's an objectification of that person. It's a reduction of that person TO that single characteristic. A characteristic through which many people are disparaged and discriminated against.

 

I totally disagree with this, in the context that it was originally brought up.

 

My dd's CONSTANTLY refer to characteristics with kids, it's how they describe their world. Yesterday, they played with the girl with white hair (blonde.) Or they want to go play with the boy with black hair. Or with brown skin. They call it like they see it, but without attributing any negative characteristics to the person because of it. I think THEIR take is far more natural than ours. They don't know the child's name. While I'm teaching them to ask names, they aren't likely to remember the names of the 10 people they played with for 30 minutes. Kids don't care about names. They just want to go play. And they don't know all of these PC terms (or NON-PC terms, for that matter) that we are discussing.

 

As far as "Didn't your mama teach you better?"....really? I would never let them apply a character attribute across a population, but I think making a big deal out of true-naming a person's identifiable, physical characteristics (They DO have hair of a certain color, eyes of a certain color, skin of a certain color) is teaching them the exact opposite of what the goal is. Why should they be afraid to say that little girl has black hair? She DOES! My dd has a port-wine stain across her cheek. If another child was trying to explain who she was to a parent, I wouldn't be at all surprised if they used "really short brown hair, red spot on her face...."

[WishboneDawn]

I only learned of it b/c of Wolf's birth family. 'Native Indian' was the term I'd heard most often before...well...I almost had my head removed for using that term when we first got together by his sister. Ranted and raved on and on that their family wasn't from India, etc...

 

"First Nations" seems to be mainly a Canadian term, more popular in Western Canada. Its what the People have chosen for themselves, and I think that's the big thing. "Indian" was a mistaken term to start with.

 

Doesn't seem to be such an issue here in my part of NS. I generally use "native" or Mi'kmaq though. Mi'kmaq (or Cree, Mohawk, etc.) seems infinitely better though. Native is pretty vague when you're talking about a group of people than actually spans nations that are sometimes radically different.

[Ibbygirl]

I only learned of it b/c of Wolf's birth family. 'Native Indian' was the term I'd heard most often before...well...I almost had my head removed for using that term when we first got together by his sister. Ranted and raved on and on that their family wasn't from India, etc...

 

"First Nations" seems to be mainly a Canadian term, more popular in Western Canada. Its what the People have chosen for themselves, and I think that's the big thing.

 

Yes, I think that is the main thing. Whatever the people want to be called should be what you call them, like another poster was saying too. I know amongst Spanish-speaking Caribbean people, they refer to themselves as "Indio" or "Taino". My grandfather's nickname was actually "Indio" because of his hair, skin color, high cheek bones, etc. I don't know if we have any Native American blood in us though, I'd love to find out for sure. I saw a program once on the Calusa Indians (now extinct) who's territory was Southwest Florida all the way down to the Keys. I saw a photograph of an elderly Calusa woman and she was the spitting image of my great grandmother (my great grandma was from Key West)!! :eek: My grandfather too (her son) looks just like the the guy who played Wind in His Hair from that movie Dances with Wolves. There is a part in that movie where he smiles and I swear it's like looking at my grandfather with long hair! :) I really need to get a genetic test one of these days. I know my kids have Native American in them through my dh, but it would be so cool to know if I did as well. :) :)

Edited April 29, 2011 by Ibbygirl

[mama2cntrykids]

I grew up with lots of ppl of color and we always refered to them as 'black'. As far as the term negro, I don't like it (and I'm white lol). To me, it's too close to the other "N" word that's definetly offensive.

[Mom-ninja.]

Did anyone see the episode of 30 Rock where Baldwin starts dating Selma? He asked her what to call her and she said, "Puerto Rican" and he said, "You can say that but I can't. It sounds so wrong." Then later he says Puerto Rican while talking to Tina Fey and she she says, "You can't call her that." It was hilarious.

 

 

My ds gets annoyed when people say he has red hair. He looks at them, exasperated, and says, "My hair is not red. It's orange." He's asked me why adults don't know their colors well enough to know that orange is not red. They say the same about skin color. They think it's silly that people say "white" and "black" and have told me that adults just don't make sense.

[Ibbygirl]

Did anyone see the episode of 30 Rock where Baldwin starts dating Selma? He asked her what to call her and she said, "Puerto Rican" and he said, "You can say that but I can't. It sounds so wrong." Then later he says Puerto Rican while talking to Tina Fey and she she says, "You can't call her that." It was hilarious.

 

 

My ds gets annoyed when people say he has red hair. He looks at them, exasperated, and says, "My hair is not red. It's orange." He's asked me why adults don't know their colors well enough to know that orange is not red. They say the same about skin color. They think it's silly that people say "white" and "black" and have told me that adults just don't make sense.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[The Girls' Mom]

A spin off question:

 

Is it offensive to refer to a mixed race person as mixed? My dh seems to think it is, but I'm :confused: (we have several friends at church in mixed race marriages with mixed race kids) I'm too chicken to ask them.

[LG Gone Wild]

A spin off question:

 

Is it offensive to refer to a mixed race person as mixed? My dh seems to think it is, but I'm :confused: (we have several friends at church in mixed race marriages with mixed race kids) I'm too chicken to ask them.

 

No especially since nearly everyone seems mixed nowadays.

[sixglides]

We have 3 adopted children. We were introduced to a lovely lady in her 30's, also black, adopted into a white family as a baby. We had always called dd's skin 'beautiful brown skin.'

 

The lady we met, said, don't do that. Call it black. No explanation. She lives in an area where there is a very high % of 'minorities.' We live in a area with hardly any & just didn't know. I appreciated her candor.

[Murmer]

I recently chatted with a friend from church who is a naturalized American citizen from Sudan. Right now she's teaching her bilingual 3-year-old colors in English and is having trouble explaining black and brown. My friend has been telling her daughter that she's "black," but the little girl insists she's brown! We had a good laugh over it and decided I should be called "pink" rather than "white."

 

My dd is having a hard time with the brown and black thing...she knows her skin is called brown but it is also called black so she will say things like "The dog was black like me" as she extends her arm and points to her beautiful skin. Meaning the dog was dark brown like her but she knows she is "black". That said it is a very normal thing in racial development to use colors to identify skin color until well into 1st grade.

 

I consider African American to be a more formal way of saying Black. When at home, or among close friends or family, (if for some reason I need to refer to race, which is RARELY), I say black. When in more polite company, I say African American.

 

To me, Negro is offensive. It conjures up images of slavery and Jim Crow law and I may hold a personal grudge because my parents and grandparents grew up here in the South and they have vivid memories of things I can barely imagine. In my opinion, it is a label that was put upon people instead of an identity they chose for themselves. I feel it's highly inappropriate in this day and age.

 

I don't know how other people feel about it. I am not the National Black/African American Spokesperson nor do I play one on TV. ;) I am just saying how I feel about it.

 

I also get icky hearing hearing Negro just because it seems to say pre-civil rights which was a very sad time.

 

I cannot stand the term "African American". Here, blacks just say "black" and they call whites "white". Simple ... the semantics start to really get to me.

 

I personally don't like the word "negro" and never, ever use it. I also strongly dislike "colored".

 

I had someone youngish using the word colored yesterday and it bugged me...my children where not colored with a crayon, they were blessed with the most beautiful brown skin there was not coloring involved thank you very much.

 

But I am merely the mom of 2 beautiful brown/black babies and they are the ones who have to be a part of this world as a minority and they have the right to define themselves as they see fit.

[Ottakee]

And what if a person who is White from Africa is here; are they "African American"? I mean... they are... but.... that would put the "wrong picture" in your mind... :(

 

This happened to us. We were called to take a 7 month old African American/Native American little girl. 45 minutes later I go and pick up a child with the WHITEST skin, BLOND hair, and BLUE eyes.

 

Well, bio mom was FROM Afrida but was white. Bio dad was part Native but 1/2-3/4 white as well.

 

As she has gotten older, her hair and skin has gotten a bit darker but her full bio sister tha we adopted at 2 days old was born with very dark hair, brown eyes, and darker skin has gotten lighter over the years.

[mamakimberly]

This whole thread just reminded me of something...

 

when we were living in China there were tons of college students from all over Africa (Ethiopia, Uganda, Kenya, Cameroon, etc...) at our church and they would sometimes be referred to as "African Americans". I would laugh and cringe at the same time.

 

First off, they are (collectively) Africans living in China. What part of that makes them American? And second off... they're Ethiopian, Ugandan, Kenyan... they have individual national identities.

[JennyD]

My personal rule of thumb is to always refer to people the way they prefer to be referred to, both on an individual and group level. I just don't see any reason to be resistant or hesitant about doing so. Most, but not all, blacks that I know would find it offensive if a white person, particularly a white person who wasn't old, used the term "negro." The word is associated with 1950s racial mindsets, so to me that's totally understandable. I wouldn't personally see any reason to use the term to describe somebody, since there are other, more appropriate, less offensive ways to do so.

 

The preferred terms are "black" and "African-American." I use them. I generally use "black," but if relevant (particularly if talking specifically about the descendants of slaves) I'd use AA instead.

 

The reason it's "black" and not "brown" (and "white" and not "peach" or "cream" or "tan") is that we're talking about racial identities, not skin colors. The two are not synonymous. Black and White are racial identities/classifications that aren't necessarily strictly tied to skin color. I'm of Italian descent, and I'm relatively dark-skinned for a white person. My son shares my coloring. When he was in preschool, most of his classmates were black. Some of them, who had mixed race ancestries, had the same skin tone he did. But their racial identity was still either "black" or "mixed race," and his was still "white." That's how our society would define them, despite their skin color being pretty much identical. (And, somehow my son, even though he was only 2 & 3 at the time, picked up on this. He'd tell me that he and the other white student in his school had "the same skin," even though there were black students with skin tones similar to his and the other white student was quite a bit lighter-skinned than he is. He recognized, on some level, racial identity, even though he wasn't able to articulate it.)

 

Personally, I don't think it in any way ruins a child's innocence for them to learn about racial identities, any more than it ruins their innocence to learn that people are different genders or different religions. I do think there are age-appropriate ways to do so--I wouldn't personally be comfortable discussing slavery with a four-year-old, but it's something my son learned about this year, when he was six--but I personally tend to think that our reluctance to discuss race with our children reflects more on our discomfort talking about it than with anything inappropriate or problematic about the topic itself.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

If someone under the age of 80 were to use 'negro,' I would assume that they were either (1) trying to make a point (which is annoying and rude); or (2) just emerged from some sort of all-white community that did not read newspapers, watch television, or otherwise engage with the rest of American society for the last few decades. I mean, really, it's not that hard to keep up.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

This seems like a no-win issue. Or at least, a no-guaranteed-win. I had friends that considered the term "black" offensive and those who didn't and they'd argue about it amongst themselves when one referred to himself as black. The "African American" friend who had a problem with the term "black" also had a problem with me being referred to as "white" so .. at least they were consistent. :D

 

On a more recent occasion while visiting a friend he was explaining something he said to DH and I as a phrase "black people say" and he lowered his voice when he said black even though it was his house and he was the only person there to potentially offend. Now I'm thinking I have to ask him about that because I've noticed him do it a couple of times under similar circumstances.

 

I am so confused and afraid of offending that I just avoid it altogether which makes trying to describe someone when you need to very challenging.

[Scarlett]

On a more recent occasion while visiting a friend he was explaining something he said to DH and I as a phrase "black people say" and he lowered his voice when he said black even though it was his house and he was the only person there to potentially offend. Now I'm thinking I have to ask him about that because I've noticed him do it a couple of times under similar circumstances.

 

 

Something similar happened to me...I worked with a white girl (Dee)who had a black boyfriend. One day the VP came to our dept looking for Dee. He couldn't remember her name. So he leans down and describes her this way in a whisper, 'she has the black boyfriend.' I nearly LOL.....I was thinking 'why are you whispering? I am pretty sure we all know she has a black boyfriend especially since he fathered her two children and the pictures are plastered all over her desk.'

[Catherine]

I think it's important for white parents to discuss race with their children. Avoiding the topic, as I think many white parents might prefer to do, is hoping it doesn't exist, maybe? But I know black families DO discuss race, and it's history in the USA, with their children, probably because it's very important to them. One reason I try to discuss it with my kids is just because I don't want them to live as if it didn't matter-it does, very much so. But I find it's hard to help them be aware of a topic that matters very much, without making them fear offending someone. My own belief is that honesty, directness, and genuine warmth are far more effective than silence.

[Scarlett]

I think it's important for white parents to discuss race with their children. Avoiding the topic, as I think many white parents might prefer to do, is hoping it doesn't exist, maybe? But I know black families DO discuss race, and it's history in the USA, with their children, probably because it's very important to them. One reason I try to discuss it with my kids is just because I don't want them to live as if it didn't matter-it does, very much so. But I find it's hard to help them be aware of a topic that matters very much, without making them fear offending someone. My own belief is that honesty, directness, and genuine warmth are far more effective than silence.

 

After my ds (when 5) called the little classmate brown and all Hades broke lose, I did have to discuss it with him. Unfortunately he now fears blacks! Working on that.

[Truscifi]

Wow!! :eek: I had no idea!! :svengo: I will seriously have to try to remember that if I should ever go to Canada. I had no idea that "Indian" was so offensive there. I live very close to a Seminole Indian reservation and have been around them pretty much all my life and they always refer to themselves as Indians, well actually more specifically, the Indians I know always referred to themselves by their specific tribe ie. Creek, Cherokee, Seminole etc. but if describing their ethnicity they would say "Indian". I actually never even heard the term "First Nations" before I heard you say it Imp. I have to ask the Seminoles when I'm around them next if they use the term First Nations. :)

 

My grandmother would correct you if you called her Indian - she would say she is Cherokee (she wouldn't be mad about it though). But most of the Seminoles I know are fine with Indian.

 

Ds is mostly white, though with some Cherokee obviously. He looks white anyway. His best friends are black and half white/half Filipina respectively. They decided they are all about the same color since the palms of their hands all match. :tongue_smilie:

[Truscifi]

A spin off question:

 

Is it offensive to refer to a mixed race person as mixed? My dh seems to think it is, but I'm :confused: (we have several friends at church in mixed race marriages with mixed race kids) I'm too chicken to ask them.

 

One of my friends who is mixed race calls herself mixed if it comes up, though she doesn't bring it up herself. She also says I look mixed because I have my dad's round German face but my mom's high cheekbones and darker skin tone.

[Truscifi]

I am a white woman in the south with black friends. I will tell you that what is *most* offensive is when white people try to be all *PC* about terminology and *talk* all *PC* about race relations and yet NEVER try to make friends, have a meal, spend time together and ALLOW THEIR KIDS TO PLAY TOGETHER.

 

You can be as correct in your speech as you want to be, but if you keep your distance...well then.

 

:iagree:

[akmommy]

To make the issue more confusing let's talk about Haitians or jamaicans? They are black by definition but most certainly are not African. Couldn't referring to someone whose family came from one one of these countries African-American be offensive and if they were born here and have no discernible accent how would you know?

 

Personally I don't care for the hyphenated descriptors as I think they only serve to divide us, but I'm not black so want to use whatever term is most acceptable. It appears to be such a personal thing for each individual, and often shaped by their unique history, that no matter what you do you are going to offend someone.

 

I try hard to teach my kids that people are people and skin is like wrapping paper, it comes in many pretty colors and styles, but the true gift is on the inside, and wouldn't the world be a boring place if we only had one color of wrapping paper to choose from.

[HollyB]

As to the OP's question, I asked my husband, who is African, what he thinks. He said that negro is not offensive, just outdated. He said he prefers the term black rather than African American.

[Cindy in FL.]

We are members of a black church (we're white). They always refer to themselves as black, not African-American.

[indigomama]

In CA, where I grew up, the Brown Pride group at school were Hispanic. And they classified themselves differently within that group: Hispanic, Mexican, Latino. There were very few black kids in our area and they called themselves black, I never heard the term African American till probably Junior High.

 

I was called white, even though I have just as much Native American and Mexican in me as white ethnicity, I look white. My Uncle who was very dark complected, joked that he didn't like taking me out in public because he was going to get in trouble for stealing a little white girl.

[Harriet Vane]

I am a white woman who has lived in an African-American neighborhood and attended African-American churches for the last 15 years.

 

The term my friends prefer is "African-American." When talking amongst themselves, I hear my African-American friends refer to each other as "black."

 

It is NEVER, EVER acceptable for a white person EVER to use the term "nigger." Even reading it aloud from a lit book (like Huck Finn) is like nails on a chalkboard. However, I will hear my African-American friends toss that name amongst themselves jokingly.

 

In my church situation, where we are friends and where there is an intentional, ongoing dialog about color, we refer to each other as "sisters/brothers of the darker hue" or "sisters/brothers of the lighter hue." Those nicknames are only acceptable within the specific context of our friendship.

[YourFidgetyFriend]

If I heard someone casually use negro, first I would wonder if I was being punked. Then I would wonder "Who teleported you from 1966?" I wouldn't be offended, but I would assume they don't get out much.

 

I had a roomate's grandmother describe me as "that nice little colored girl" in college, but I gave her a pass since she was about 800 years old.

[Daisy]

I am a white woman in the south with black friends. I will tell you that what is *most* offensive is when white people try to be all *PC* about terminology and *talk* all *PC* about race relations and yet NEVER try to make friends, have a meal, spend time together and ALLOW THEIR KIDS TO PLAY TOGETHER.

 

You can be as correct in your speech as you want to be, but if you keep your distance...well then.

 

I completely agree. The problem is that this thread is a break off of a thread about terminology in a book. Things become a little sticky at that point. As even this thread demonstrates people vary in what they prefer to be called.

 

While I know my friends prefer to be called black, I also have run into folks who were offended by that. I guess we are just wanted to not start a friendship off with an offense. I know I try to avoid that.

[The Girls' Mom]

I am a white woman in the south with black friends. I will tell you that what is *most* offensive is when white people try to be all *PC* about terminology and *talk* all *PC* about race relations and yet NEVER try to make friends, have a meal, spend time together and ALLOW THEIR KIDS TO PLAY TOGETHER.

 

You can be as correct in your speech as you want to be, but if you keep your distance...well then.

 

Missed this the first time through...I totally agree. I hate when people insist they are NOT racist (like some of my extended family) yet will not willingly interact with ANYONE outside their race. Drives me batty.

 

I grew up in and lived in predominately white, small southern towns most of my life. We've moved here where it's so diverse, and I love it! But it's taking me so much time to feel comfortable. Not because I don't like being friends with other races, but because I have zero experience and I'm constantly afraid I'll say something ignorant. (I'm getting much, much better about this by the way, and in no way have I let it stop me from reaching out to be friends with people) One of the families that we've become closest to here is black. It has been such a relief to me that I can be myself around them and they still like me :tongue_smilie:I wouldn't trade their friendship for anything.

[stripe]

If I heard someone casually use negro, first I would wonder if I was being punked. Then I would wonder "Who teleported you from 1966?" I wouldn't be offended, but I would assume they don't get out much.

This is hilarious.

 

My kids learned the word "negress" from Librivox.

[Spy Car]

If I heard someone casually use negro, first I would wonder if I was being punked. Then I would wonder "Who teleported you from 1966?" I wouldn't be offended, but I would assume they don't get out much.

 

I had a roomate's grandmother describe me as "that nice little colored girl" in college, but I gave her a pass since she was about 800 years old.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Bill

[Ibbygirl]

To make the issue more confusing let's talk about Haitians or jamaicans? They are black by definition but most certainly are not African. Couldn't referring to someone whose family came from one one of these countries African-American be offensive and if they were born here and have no discernible accent how would you know?

 

 

I have lots of friends who are from the Caribbean and know several Haitians and Jamaicans. The Haitians I know call themselves Haitian-American and the Jamaicans call themselves Jamericans. :)

[CAMom]

 

I use the word Black to describe ANYONE of African descent.

 

What if they are not black? Do you use the word Black to describe a person of any skin color who happens to be of African descent?:confused:

[Dobela]

What if they are not black? Do you use the word Black to describe a person of any skin color who happens to be of African descent?:confused:

I think the problem here is that one assumes a particulr skinn color is African descent and forget the white population of South Africa, for example. If we were to see a white South African, we would assume European roots and automatically not use the term 'black'.

 

I have friends from the Caribbean as well and they Hate the assumption that they are African American - they are very proudly Bahamian and Jamacian.

[Scarlett]

My four year old nephew's (his mother is white and his father is black) overhead conversation with his best friend who is white.

 

Best Friend: I want to be black like you.

Nephew: I'm not black, I'm brown. But if you want to be brown you can lay in the tanning bed like my mom. You won't stay brown though. You have to keep going back to the tanning bed or you will turn white again.

 

 

:smilielol5:

[JustGin]

My children are adopted from a Caucasian birth-mother and Black birth-father. Commonly they would be listed as bi-racial but I personally don't like that because there is only one race - human. However, I do "get" what the general meaning of bi-racial is.

 

When my oldest (now 15) was little she referred to her own color as brown and ours as pink. At one point she was convinced that she would turn pink as she aged. LOL If and when a description is needed, the children identify themselves as brown or black because it's a color description only not a cultural reference.

 

Culturally, we have raised our children to view themselves as simply American no hyphen needed. Skin color is not a measurement of ANYthing, and furthermore we believe it's actually racist to insist/expect that just because a person's skin and hair look a certain way that the person must think, act or believe or identify themselves according to a prescribed pattern. We do not like the term African American because a) we don't know for certain that their heritage on the father's side is in fact African b) my husband and I don't identify ourselves as Irish or Scottish or Swiss etc.. We are both pretty "melted" and since our dc have at least one side of their ethnicity that is as well, why should they be expected (forced) to identify themselves as only one part of their total and that must be the black side wherever it originated from. If we ever discovered where birth-mothers line sprang from, they could perhaps mess with peoples minds by identifying themselves as Dutch Americans. :)

[Truscifi]

I think the problem here is that one assumes a particulr skinn color is African descent and forget the white population of South Africa, for example. If we were to see a white South African, we would assume European roots and automatically not use the term 'black'.

 

I have friends from the Caribbean as well and they Hate the assumption that they are African American - they are very proudly Bahamian and Jamacian.

 

Don't white South Africans have European roots? I guess when I think of the term African American I think of people who trace their heritage back to native African tribes. I thought white South Africans were descended from British and Dutch settlers.

 

I usually wait to see how someone self identifies, then use whatever term they use. If I need to describe them before that happens I use physical descriptors. If they are around and I am curious, I ask, though this is rare because it just doesn't occur to me.

[Negin]

I find it outdated and unnecessary to use the term Negro in everday conversation. I find it ok to use as a historical desription.

 

I use the word Black to describe ANYONE of African descent. When describing a person who is a descendant of Africans that were in ensalved in America, I feel the term African American is appropriate. This is more of a cultural description versus a racial description.

 

This all makes so much sense. :)

[JFSinIL]

I recently chatted with a friend from church who is a naturalized American citizen from Sudan. Right now she's teaching her bilingual 3-year-old colors in English and is having trouble explaining black and brown. My friend has been telling her daughter that she's "black," but the little girl insists she's brown! We had a good laugh over it and decided I should be called "pink" rather than "white."

 

My kids were the same way when younger - my adult son with autism still refers to some folks as brown.

[lovelaughs_times_three]

My friend who is black gave me all kinds of grief for being so politically correct and calling people African-Americans. Her response was, "So! When are we going to be just simply AMERICANS? Why do you have to qualify it with "African" American? Are you a German-American or an English-American?" I was a bit caught off guard because I was trying so hard not to offend or being insensitive. She's a good friend, and I think she gets a big kick, sometimes, out of watching me squirm and try so hard! :001_smile:

The fact that some people like to be called black and others are offended and prefer to be called African-American makes me feel, sometimes, like I'm walking on a tight-wire! I'm with everyone else (including my adopted Chinese daughter) who describes everyone as shades of brown. The truth is, it is the same pigment, simply in different amounts. We're all red inside!!! :)

[UmmiSays]

that people on this board actually type out the "N" word. I understand that people are trying to make some type of point, but it is still painful to see.

[ondreeuh]

Is this a surprise, though? Because Pakistan is not in the "Middle East." Pakistan is not an Arab country! Just because people there are Muslims, doesn't make them Arab. It's like Portuguese people not wanting to be called Scandinavians....because they're just not!

 

 

 

No need to be rude! For goodness sake, not everyone is a geography whiz. I didn't know that Middle East was so specific, and specifically meant "Arab."

 

When you lash out so strongly it really make you look like a jerk.

[stripe]

No need to be rude! For goodness sake, not everyone is a geography whiz. I didn't know that Middle East was so specific, and specifically meant "Arab."

 

When you lash out so strongly it really make you look like a jerk.

Gee, I didn't consider it lashing out strongly at all. (I didn't say -- but wouldn't be remiss to think -- I would have thought someone would have asked the Pakistani person why not to call them Arab OR looked on a map before posting on here.) If you think I'm a jerk, ignore me. You'll never have to read another post of mine.

[stripe]

My children are adopted from a Caucasian birth-mother and Black birth-father. Commonly they would be listed as bi-racial but I personally don't like that because there is only one race - human. However, I do "get" what the general meaning of bi-racial is.

....

Culturally, we have raised our children to view themselves as simply American no hyphen needed. Skin color is not a measurement of ANYthing, and furthermore we believe it's actually racist to insist/expect that just because a person's skin and hair look a certain way that the person must think, act or believe or identify themselves according to a prescribed pattern.

I understand where you're coming from, but your kids will be seen as something separate than raised in a white household once they're away from you. It might be helpful for them to understand what assumptions others might have about them. I really like this book; I think it's a sensitive look at some tough issues, including dealing with our own discomfort:

 

Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?: A Parent's Guide To Raising Multiracial Children by Donna Jackson Nakazawa

[HS Mom in NC]

The black people I know (I'm from PHX, so there aren't very many here) refer to themselves as "black." The only people I know who use the term "colored" were born before the Great Depression.

 

The word "race" does not have a universally accepted meaning. Different people use it very differently. We adopted our youngest daughter from S. Korea. In her official documentation from the S. Korean government, she and all Koreans are labeled as being racially Korean-not Asian. To them Korean is a race unto itself, not a subgroup of the Asian race. Don't make the mistake of assuming your view on the subject of race is universally held. You may think there's only one race or a few, but others hold to much more specific classifications.

 

My husband, my biological children, and I are all Caucasian (NW European to be more specific.) Now that we have a interracial family, we know why some people hyphenate as Korean-American, African-American, etc. It's because people ask all the time. When people ask about her, they just want to know where either she or her ancestors came from. They're asking an ethnic question. If I say, "She's an American (and I have the documentation to prove it)" their question hasn't been answered. They already know she's an American because she's my child. The part before the hyphen addresses ethnicity and the part after is the speaker acknowledging that the speaker is just as American as the rest. It's not done to divide. It can be another way of acknowledging "Out of many[ethnic groups]-One [nation of Americans.]"

 

In this age of PC nonsense (good intentioned nonsense) some white people are so uncomfortable with the possibility of getting it wrong that they will do all sorts of verbal gymnastics to avoid the issue even when it innocently and appropriately comes up. Young children pick up on the fear and may misunderstand it.

 

Those of us in interracial families and communities have to go out of our way to make sure we are looking at the intentions instead of what is often awkward vocabulary and help people who don't quite know to to phrase things. We have to give them the vocabulary in a positive, friendly and reassuring way. I cringe when parents in interracial families overreact to innocent remarks or questions-some adoptive parents are like this and it doesn't do anything to help adoptees or attitudes toward adoption. There are parallels to that in race relations.

[Mejane]

To make the issue more confusing let's talk about Haitians or jamaicans? They are black by definition but most certainly are not African. Couldn't referring to someone whose family came from one one of these countries African-American be offensive and if they were born here and have no discernible accent how would you know?

 

 

 

Yes. My Jamaican friend used to get very tired of correcting the misconception that she was African because she is black. All she had to do was speak, though, and it was pretty clear. :)