A rant about TeA

[meggie]

Yes, that kind of TeA. I just hate it so much. I have absolutely no idea why people keep talking about how wonderful it is. Any time I actually start enjoying the cup, it all ends abruptly and is so frustrating I burst into tears. Tears of anger and sadness and hopelessness and resentment. Lots of resentment, because DH always enjoys and finishes his TeA. I finally came to the conclusion that TeA-lessness would just have to be our way of life, but then figured I couldn't do that to him. Then the postpartum hormones kicked in and I thought maybe it would be better if I left and he could marry someone better than me. Bless his heart, he said he'd rather be TeA-less than that (not that he wants to be TeA-less, he's the typical guy who thinks about it every 30 seconds).

 

Ok, rant over. I know there are bigger problems in the world and I shouldn't be so selfish. And I'm hoping I'm not the only one who's like this. It really breaks my heart.

[Hedgehogs4]

Sounds like DH and you need to work on some technique. There are definitely some books available that can, uh...help. Hating it is not a good place to be...perhaps some counseling?

[mommaduck]

:grouphug:

 

Can you talk to him about helping you enjoy your teA more before he finishes his cup?

[KristinaBreece]

I don't think you're alone in this. I'm not a teA fanatic myself. Things that rate higher on my list (and which don't leave me resenting DH) include:

*a cup of (drinking) tea

*a good book

*a long, warm bath... either completely by myself or with DH. While this generally would lead to consumption of teA (yay for him), the best part for me would be the bath itself (bonding & relaxing together-- yay for me!)

*sleep (JUST got DD2 to sleep through the night-- I've been exhausted every day for the last 4.5 years....)

*a good margarita

 

ETA: I don't HATE it... I just don't get the hype. I don't like a decent night's sleep interrupted for it, especially if teA has already been consumed within the last 3-4 days. DH & I differ on the minimum amount of teA necessary.

Edited April 23, 2011 by KristinaBreece

[Truscifi]

There are plenty of techniques you/he can use to help you enjoy your cup more. Perhaps if you talk to him about it he would be willing to do some research, experiment a little? :grouphug:

[AvasMom]

I don't think you're alone in this. I'm not a teA fanatic myself. Things that rate higher on my list (and which don't leave me resenting DH) include:

*a cup of (drinking) tea

*a good book

*a warm bath

*sleep (JUST got DD2 to sleep through the night-- I've been exhausted every day for the last 4.5 years....)

*a good margarita

 

:iagree: Especially the good book and drinking tea. Why on earth anyone would choose TeA over cozying up with a good book is beyond me. I'm SOOO glad I'm not alone either!!

[pfamilygal]

I'm assuming TeA stands for intimate relations. But what exactly is the acronym here. And what are bOOks?

[KristinaBreece]

I'm assuming TeA stands for intimate relations. But what exactly is the acronym here. And what are bOOks?

 

PM'd you.

[mommaduck]

I'm assuming TeA stands for intimate relations. But what exactly is the acronym here. And what are bOOks?

 

Not an acronym, just code to protect the board. BooKs are br3@$ts. BooKholders are br@s.

[Tangerine]

:grouphug:

 

Can you talk to him about helping you enjoy your teA more before he finishes his cup?

 

Absolutely. Or other routes either before tea or after? Not always being in the mood is one thing, but actually hating it would be so frustrating. I definitely think a little table turning in your favor, toward what kind of tea you prefer is in order.

[Tangerine]

and I shouldn't be so selfish. And I'm hoping I'm not the only one who's like this. It really breaks my heart.

 

It is not selfish! :crying:

[AnitaMcC]

Meggie... your not alone. I am the same way.

[happypamama]

I think a little gentle discussion with your DH about how to help you enjoy your teA before he's finished would be good. Ideally, that would take place when teA isn't even on the table, to keep it calm and not emotionally charged. Tell him that you want to like teA and enjoy sharing it with him, but that it's lukewarm for you, and you'd prefer it to be hot. Alternately, if you're starting to enjoy your cup, ask him to keep pouring you more -- hopefully focusing on you will keep him from finishing his own cup too quickly.

[Jen in PA]

Absolutely. Or other routes either before tea or after? Not always being in the mood is one thing, but actually hating it would be so frustrating. I definitely think a little table turning in your favor, toward what kind of tea you prefer is in order.

 

:iagree: There's more than one type of TeA, and it sounds as if you just need to find the type you enjoy.

[Nestof3]

I think you have to find out what makes it enjoyable for you. Often, it is not the same -- uh -- moves that your husband enjoys. Just tell him what feels good and make sure it happens for you.

 

Now, if you have never experienced -- um -- release, that would probably be a separate issue.

 

I'd love to say more, but this is a public forum. LOL

 

Oh, and my husband would rather do nothing at all than to leave me without -- uh -- release. Yours probably just doesn't know what to do. LOL

 

PS -- Age helps with this as well (for a man).

Edited April 23, 2011 by nestof3

[nmoira]

 

Not an acronym, just code to protect the board. BooKs are br3@$ts. BooKholders are br@s.

Is it? It seems more to me that it gives some here the freedom to talk about things they might not be able to bring themselves to do otherwise. Doran's and some threads did seem to have a liberating effect for some.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

I don't think you're alone in this. I'm not a teA fanatic myself. Things that rate higher on my list (and which don't leave me resenting DH) include:

*a cup of (drinking) tea

*a good book

*a long, warm bath... either completely by myself or with DH. While this generally would lead to consumption of teA (yay for him), the best part for me would be the bath itself (bonding & relaxing together-- yay for me!)

*sleep (JUST got DD2 to sleep through the night-- I've been exhausted every day for the last 4.5 years....)

*a good margarita

 

ETA: I don't HATE it... I just don't get the hype. I don't like a decent night's sleep interrupted for it, especially if teA has already been consumed within the last 3-4 days. DH & I differ on the minimum amount of teA necessary.

 

I'm right there with you. A running joke between dh and I use to be that I'd prefer a Big Mac to TeA. Now that I'm more health conscious, I prefer sushi to TeA...:tongue_smilie: Dh offers me good teA, but it's just not....well, not sushi...

[nmoira]

It is not selfish! :crying:

:iagree:

 

 

:grouphug:

[creekmom]

I just wanted to recommend a great book: http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1303581405&sr=8-5

[Impish]

Hon...*gently*...I'd say you're not the selfish one here. I can't imagine a partner that would leave their spouse so unhappy and unfufilled. That, to me, is selfish.

 

He needs to be making your needs a priority.

[melissel]

:grouphug: You're not being selfish. You've gotten some good advice already, but may I also suggest checking out the site themarriagebed.com? I learned more about teA than I ever thought I wanted to know at that forum, and oh wow did it change things for the better. People are very, very frank on those forums, and they'll help you understand your DH, yourself, your body, and all the mechanics so much better. I highly, highly recommend checking the site out, and posting anonymously if you need direct discussion. You'll see that you're not alone, and you're not selfish, and you'll get info and feedback from both sides of the bed, so to speak. It sounds like your DH is probably willing to work on this issue with you, so take advantage of that and work together.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Hoggirl]

I used to love that show, and there was an episode where the character Suzanne said (referring to TeA) something along the lines of, "I don't get what the big deal is. It's alright, but it's not as good as, say, shopping or having someone put a crown on your head." :D

[Tangerine]

It appears from your blog that you are LDS. There are blogs and websites dedicated to sexuality in an LDS marriage. I'm not going to presume to decide which are worth your time, as I am not LDS. But a simple google search may prove useful.

[Moxie]

If your tea isn't boiling with regular...brewing...you should look into...I can't think of a word so I'm just typing it. V.I.B.R.A.T.O.R.S You can use them while brewing your tea with your DH. There is nothing dirty about them and for some women, it is the only way to boil. There are several Christian sites that you can order from.

 

It isn't selfish to want to enjoy making tea with your DH :grouphug:!!!!

[Cheryl in NM]

Yes, that kind of TeA. I just hate it so much. I have absolutely no idea why people keep talking about how wonderful it is. Any time I actually start enjoying the cup, it all ends abruptly and is so frustrating I burst into tears. Tears of anger and sadness and hopelessness and resentment. Lots of resentment, because DH always enjoys and finishes his TeA. I finally came to the conclusion that TeA-lessness would just have to be our way of life, but then figured I couldn't do that to him. Then the postpartum hormones kicked in and I thought maybe it would be better if I left and he could marry someone better than me. Bless his heart, he said he'd rather be TeA-less than that (not that he wants to be TeA-less, he's the typical guy who thinks about it every 30 seconds).

 

Ok, rant over. I know there are bigger problems in the world and I shouldn't be so selfish. And I'm hoping I'm not the only one who's like this. It really breaks my heart.

 

Here's another vote for "it's not all or nothing". You've received some good advice on help your situation. Try to work this out don't just give up on teA forever.

 

You might want to consult a medical doctor. You might have some unaddressed issues.

 

Also, YOUR satisfaction is YOUR responsibility. Show your Dh what turns you on, what you enjoy. It might take some time to work it out and it's great he's being understanding, but he won't go without it forever and neither will you. It can be a huge problem if left unattended too long.

 

The wife's body does not belong to her alone but alto to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do no deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time...Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of control. 1 Corinthian 7:4-5 (NIV)

 

The above Bible verse is posted on my bedroom wall to remind myself and Dh that teA is important. We both suffer with libido issues. I'll not go into them on a public forum, but will answer questions if you wish to pm me.

[meggie]

I think a little gentle discussion with your DH about how to help you enjoy your teA before he's finished would be good. Ideally, that would take place when teA isn't even on the table, to keep it calm and not emotionally charged. Tell him that you want to like teA and enjoy sharing it with him, but that it's lukewarm for you, and you'd prefer it to be hot. Alternately, if you're starting to enjoy your cup, ask him to keep pouring you more -- hopefully focusing on you will keep him from finishing his own cup too quickly.

Thank you, we have had lots and lots of these discussions. I just don't know what I would like or what he could do better.

 

I think you have to find out what makes it enjoyable for you. Often, it is not the same -- uh -- moves that your husband enjoys. Just tell him what feels good and make sure it happens for you.

 

Now, if you have never experienced -- um -- release, that would probably be a separate issue.

 

I'd love to say more, but this is a public forum. LOL

 

Oh, and my husband would rather do nothing at all than to leave me without -- uh -- release. Yours probably just doesn't know what to do. LOL

 

PS -- Age helps with this as well (for a man).

I don't think I ever have. And you're right, I don't think he knows either.

 

Hon...*gently*...I'd say you're not the selfish one here. I can't imagine a partner that would leave their spouse so unhappy and unfufilled. That, to me, is selfish.

 

He needs to be making your needs a priority.

I don't think he means to, I think he doesn't know how. And I don't know what I want. And he's always asking me how he could make it better, but I honestly just don't know.

 

It appears from your blog that you are LDS. There are blogs and websites dedicated to sexuality in an LDS marriage. I'm not going to presume to decide which are worth your time, as I am not LDS. But a simple google search may prove useful.

 

Thank you. We have done a little looking, but I'm always afraid we're going to stumble upon p*rn so I get a little nervous. I didn't know LDS sites existed for that. Thank you. I sort of wonder if that's part of the problem, neither of us had had TeA before we got married and so we're kind of the blind leading the blind. I just thought that by six years we would have figured it out.

 

And I'm such a prude, growing up,I would never even let my sisters in the bathroom when I was taking a shower. When we first got married, we got a book written by some LDS men, but it was just the general information and kind of useless. A few days ago, I found a Christian ebook that is supposed to be helpful for a man, but DH thought it might just be more useless information ie Light candles, give her roses, etc.

 

I would just like to add that he's willing to make it better for me, but I am the one afraid of experimenting.

[Pax]

I had a hard time enjoying teA when my little ones were little. Separating myself as a Mom from myself as a teA drinker was really difficult for me. I was always in Mom mode, finding myself thinking about laundry when I should have been brewing instead. It has gotten much better as they get older and I rediscover my love of teA.

 

If teA has never been your idea of a good time, then I would suggest working on what makes teA good to you. Sometimes that means figuring it out on your own and then sharing what works with your DH. Or, if that isn't something you are comfortable with, making it a game for yourself and DH.

[Alicia64]

I'm right there with you. A running joke between dh and I use to be that I'd prefer a Big Mac to TeA. Now that I'm more health conscious' date=' I prefer sushi to TeA...:tongue_smilie: Dh offers me good teA, but it's just not....well, not sushi...[/quote']

 

I'd take a large cheese pizza and a beer instead of TeA any. day.

 

I have a glass of wine after the boys are in bed twice a week and then have TeA -- but it's not my first choice of what to do. (And I do have release, parts are fun and parts are pleasant. Still. . .not my first choice at all.)

 

PLEASE don't think you're alone. For me, what seems to be working is a deep realization within myself that this is something important for dh that keeps my family strong and happy. Dh is happier means happier kids.

 

My family is really what matters to me in this world. So for a happier family, twice a week is worth it.

 

But if offered, I'd still take the pizza!!

 

If you ever want to pm me, please do. I've done a 180 in the last year from rarely having TeA to having it twice a week.

 

Alley

[KristinaBreece]

If your tea isn't boiling with regular...brewing...you should look into...I can't think of a word so I'm just typing it. V.I.B.R.A.T.O.R.S You can use them while brewing your tea with your DH. There is nothing dirty about them and for some women, it is the only way to boil. There are several Christian sites that you can order from.

 

It isn't selfish to want to enjoy making tea with your DH :grouphug:!!!!

 

Cordless Electric Kettle?:D

[Tangerine]

Thank you. We have done a little looking, but I'm always afraid we're going to stumble upon p*rn so I get a little nervous. I didn't know LDS sites existed for that.

 

Before you search, you can make sure your google SafeSearch is set to moderate or strict. That should help keep your search results out of the p*rn realm.

[Gratia271]

I would just like to add that he's willing to make it better for me, but I am the one afraid of experimenting.

 

It sounds like the lines of communication are open and that he cares a great deal about your feelings. People have already given you great advice. The only thing I will add is this: you need to continue being honest with him regardless of whether that means you share that you are not interested. I know it is controversial for some people, but I firmly believe that a woman needs to be real at.all.times with her husband. Over the years I have had friends who feigned interest and the like, only to end up feeling used or feeling resentful. They feel as though they must or someone else will and that to do otherwise will make any future problems their fault. That is wrong, and I believe we shortchange our men when we assume they would want it to be this way.

[Lisa in Jax]

I can't believe I'm typing this, but...

 

In some women, learning to enjoy a cup of teA with someone else only happens if they learn to make their own teA first. Once you know what "brews your teA," you can help dh know what you like.

 

Also, certain positions are better for some women to "enjoy their teA." If you haven't tried anything but missionary, try some others.

 

Lisa, who's LOL-ing about writing the word "missionary" in reference to teA to an LDS mom. ;)

 

P.S. If you answer, "I don't think I ever have" to the question of "release," then you haven't. When you've had release, you'll know it (and you'll finally understand what all the fuss is about.) ;)

[Cindy in C-ville]

:grouphug: You're not being selfish. You've gotten some good advice already, but may I also suggest checking out the site themarriagebed.com? I learned more about teA than I ever thought I wanted to know at that forum, and oh wow did it change things for the better. People are very, very frank on those forums, and they'll help you understand your DH, yourself, your body, and all the mechanics so much better. I highly, highly recommend checking the site out, and posting anonymously if you need direct discussion. You'll see that you're not alone, and you're not selfish, and you'll get info and feedback from both sides of the bed, so to speak. It sounds like your DH is probably willing to work on this issue with you, so take advantage of that and work together.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I agree! After the initial teA discussion here a couple of years ago, I checked out this site. VERY eye-opening AND helpful when your cuppa is a bit lukewarm.

[melissel]

I agree! After the initial teA discussion here a couple of years ago, I checked out this site. VERY eye-opening AND helpful when your cuppa is a bit lukewarm.

 

So true. I also wanted to point out that TMB is a Christian site, so there's no need to worry about what you might accidentally encounter. They're very careful about moderating links, and any officially sanctioned links are safe (they link to some affiliate stores and similar sites, usually also owned and operated by Christians). I'm actually not a Christian, but my beliefs in this area are similar, and I really appreciated the discussion and information from a safe frame of reference.

 

You'll find help and support there, I guarantee it. And the more you learn about yourself and your own physiology, the more you can lead him along to what you need from him, and the more you can help and advocate for yourself. I'm 36 years old and thought I knew a lot about sex and women's bodies. I'm embarrassed to admit that I learned several pretty basic things at that site that changed both our lives.

[meggie]

It sounds like the lines of communication are open and that he cares a great deal about your feelings. People have already given you great advice. The only thing I will add is this: you need to continue being honest with him regardless of whether that means you share that you are not interested. I know it is controversial for some people, but I firmly believe that a woman needs to be real at.all.times with her husband. Over the years I have had friends who feigned interest and the like, only to end up feeling used or feeling resentful. They feel as though they must or someone else will and that to do otherwise will make any future problems their fault. That is wrong, and I believe we shortchange our men when we assume they would want it to be this way.

Thank you, we will keep this in mind as we communicate.

 

I can't believe I'm typing this, but...

 

 

You can't believe YOU typed that...:lol: I'm surprised I haven't been hit with lightning yet :blink:

 

I agree! After the initial teA discussion here a couple of years ago, I checked out this site. VERY eye-opening AND helpful when your cuppa is a bit lukewarm.

Thank you and thank you, Melissel. I will go look at this now.

[Jackie in AR]

I used to love that show, and there was an episode where the character Suzanne said (referring to TeA) something along the lines of, "I don't get what the big deal is. It's alright, but it's not as good as, say, shopping or having someone put a crown on your head." :D

 

Yes! I do remember that. LOVED that show.

 

On a related note, dh and I were married in the Villa Mare, the historic home that was shown on the show as the outside of the Sugarbaker designing firm. (And, no, it didn't look like that on the inside.)

[melissel]

Thank you and thank you, Melissel. I will go look at this now.

 

I hope you find the help you both need. Make sure he understands that it will benefit him as much as you!!!

 

And I've been thinking more about your situation and I realized one more thing. You said you've been married for 6 years, and you have three children. I'm guessing you are nursing as well. So you've spent the majority of your marriage either pregnant or nursing (and if not nursing, still managing very young children). That will absolutely do a HUGE number on your libido. And I mean huge. After DD8 was born, every attempt at teA for a minimum of six months was downright painful. Between the stress and the wacky hormones, I didn't regain even the bare minimum of desire until...about a year after DD5 was born :001_huh: And even then, stress put a huge damper on things until...erm...about a year ago :( So I know some of what you're talking about :grouphug:

 

Go easy on yourself, OK? I mean, don't let it prevent you from moving toward fixing any issues, but know that you're not crazy, and that being a mom of multiple small children can have a huge impact in this area. It takes quite a bit longer to get your teA brewing when your mindset is that much farther away from a whistling kettle than his is!

[SnowWhite]

OP, don't feel too bad. I was past 30 and my oldest child was done nursing before I had my teA boil over for the first time. Positioning was the key! I had been working out and was more flexible than ever and discovered the joys of being the chief teA maker (along with my dh who was in the passive position at the time).

 

Now I am off to TMB to figure out if I can help dh enjoy teA again... while still taking his very helpful anti-depressant which is VERY depressing to me in the teA department.

[ktgrok]

Did you know that a LARGE percentage of women, perhaps even the majority, cannot um, "finish" during the actual act of TeA? I'm one of them. I have managed to "finish" during the act only twice in my lifetime. Many women need to have their needs handled either before or after the act. So my preference is to have my husband please me (manually or otherwise) until I'm finished with my cup of TeA, lol, THEN we do the actual act. Othertimes he pleases me afterwards. But he ALWAYS does. Again, my perference is first, as it makes the act itself more intense, but either works.

[JadeOrchidSong]

PLEASE don't think you're alone. For me, what seems to be working is a deep realization within myself that this is something important for dh that keeps my family strong and happy. Dh is happier means happier kids.

 

My family is really what matters to me in this world. So for a happier family, twice a week is worth it.

 

Alley

:iagree:

[JadeOrchidSong]

 

PLEASE don't think you're alone. For me, what seems to be working is a deep realization within myself that this is something important for dh that keeps my family strong and happy. Dh is happier means happier kids.

 

My family is really what matters to me in this world. So for a happier family, twice a week is worth it.

 

Alley

:iagree:

[Abigail4476]

It isn't selfish to want to be able to finish your cup of TeA! :grouphug: This problem is about technique and adjusting expectations. First of all, you need to set aside times where you are the only one being served TeA. Your husband can have a cup some other time. Secondly, you need to consider that there are many ways to have a cup--the traditional cup and saucer, a spill-proof container, iced TeA, or even slurping it right out of the saucer. Find your favorite flavor and cup and do what works. It takes patience and experimentation. When my husband is pouring a cup of TeA for me, he has to be completely focused on me. If he's focused on his own cup, well, it just gets spilled everywhere and thats no fun for anyone.

 

Be practical, be patient, and be persistent. And educate yourself. IMO, it doesn't hurt to have a cup by yourself, figure out exactly how you like it, and then share the methodology with your husband. :tongue_smilie:

 

Also, try to find some pleasure in the brewing process, even if you don't get to drink the whole cup. There's always more time later to pick up where you left off.

[HLDoll]

In some women, learning to enjoy a cup of teA with someone else only happens if they learn to make their own teA first. Once you know what "brews your teA," you can help dh know what you like.

 

P.S. If you answer, "I don't think I ever have" to the question of "release," then you haven't. When you've had release, you'll know it (and you'll finally understand what all the fuss is about.) ;)

:iagree:With both statements. My husband doesn't mind a bit of direction now and then. :001_smile: And what works one time for me, may not work the next time (but it might the time after that!). Knowing what it's supposed to feel like and telling him how to help me get there are very important tools. My DH doesn't consider it a tea party unless both of us have enjoyed our cups. Don't feel bad about honing those skills in private or employing a little assistance.

[Abigail4476]

Did you know that a LARGE percentage of women, perhaps even the majority, cannot um, "finish" during the actual act of TeA? I'm one of them. I have managed to "finish" during the act only twice in my lifetime. Many women need to have their needs handled either before or after the act. So my preference is to have my husband please me (manually or otherwise) until I'm finished with my cup of TeA, lol, THEN we do the actual act. Othertimes he pleases me afterwards. But he ALWAYS does. Again, my perference is first, as it makes the act itself more intense, but either works.

 

:iagree:

 

Yes, this! I require a lot more time and attention than he does. And we can't always have TeA at the same time.

[BakersDozen]

 

For me, what seems to be working is a deep realization within myself that this is something important for dh that keeps my family strong and happy.

After 14 years of struggling with this topic I came to this conclusion as well and it worked. Well, I made the big mistake of sharing this with my dh and that was not pretty. He was not appreciative of my viewing this as a ministry of sorts; he wants me to feel about this the way he does, to want it like he does. Not going to happen.

[Mrs Mungo]

I haven't read the entire thread, but I have a couple of suggestions:

 

1. 10 minutes of heating the water (set an alarm if he is chintzy in this area).

 

2. Buy a mechanical friend.

 

3. You finish with your friend before your dh gets started drinking his cup of tea.

 

If this doesn't work, then I would seek counseling.

[tntgoodwin]

I just wanted to recommend a great book: http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1303581405&sr=8-5

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Luckymama]

Did you know that a LARGE percentage of women, perhaps even the majority, cannot um, "finish" during the actual act of TeA? I'm one of them. I have managed to "finish" during the act only twice in my lifetime. Many women need to have their needs handled either before or after the act. So my preference is to have my husband please me (manually or otherwise) until I'm finished with my cup of TeA, lol, THEN we do the actual act. Othertimes he pleases me afterwards. But he ALWAYS does. Again, my perference is first, as it makes the act itself more intense, but either works.

 

My dh doesn't consider it a proper cup of TeA unless I enjoy it first. And third :D

 

When our kids were little, I had a really hard time enjoying a good cup of TeA. I was all touched out by the end of the day, you know? Dh learned that the best pre-TeA was a clean kitchen and a wife with time to enjoy a book in the tub :001_smile: I also learned that sometimes it's ok to not really want to have my own cup.

 

As the kids got older, we enjoyed more and more TeA. But when they hit their teens and started staying up really late, well, our TeA consumption suffered :tongue_smilie: I had to get past the idea that the kids needed to be asleep.

 

I've been exercising almost every day for the past two months. Let me tell you, we're having the best.ever.TeA :D I wish I had believed my friends who told me that exercise in the over 40 woman really does have multiple benefits!

[UmMusa]

I've loved reading these replies, y'all are so creative. :)

To the OP, I think you have a new little one? You know that can make a person take TeA off the menu for a while! Just know that you'll feel like having some later on, and for now, maybe tell your OB/GYN that you're not in the mood for it at all. Maybe there are hormonal reasons behind this, too. Being postpartum is not to be taken lightly. It can be the culprit for many many personal issues for a good year after baby is born. You're physical and emotionally drained, so I can see why you don't find it interesting at all. Maybe you two can figure out a way, or maybe you will just have to give it some time for you to be 'there' again.

 

My first thought, though, was that the hormonal roller coaster might be the main thing here.

[Nestof3]

I could have written all that you wrote except mine doesn't need it twice a week. LOL

 

I'd take a large cheese pizza and a beer instead of TeA any. day.

 

I have a glass of wine after the boys are in bed twice a week and then have TeA -- but it's not my first choice of what to do. (And I do have release, parts are fun and parts are pleasant. Still. . .not my first choice at all.)

 

PLEASE don't think you're alone. For me, what seems to be working is a deep realization within myself that this is something important for dh that keeps my family strong and happy. Dh is happier means happier kids.

 

My family is really what matters to me in this world. So for a happier family, twice a week is worth it.

 

But if offered, I'd still take the pizza!!

 

If you ever want to pm me, please do. I've done a 180 in the last year from rarely having TeA to having it twice a week.

 

Alley