A Yankee asks about the South...

[Sahamamama]

The Short Version: We are seriously considering a move to the South (USA). I was raised here (New Jersey), and lived in the Midwest (Missouri) for several years while in school. My husband was raised in California, but has lived here for seven years now. He still misses the West Coast.

 

If you are a "Northerner" who has moved South, please tell me about your experiences with being transplanted to a new climate. ;) How long have you lived in the South now? Do you still feel like an outsider? Do you ever feel as though you belong?

 

If you are a "Southerner" who has lived in the South most of your life, please tell me about life in the South. Is it one thing for a native Southerner, and something else for someone coming from the North? Does it make a difference if the person's reason for coming to the South is to find that more laid-back, rural, family-oriented lifestyle for which the South is famous -- IOW, we like you and we want to be more like you? And, how do you, as a Southerner, feel about the exodus from the North? :bigear:

 

EDITED TO ADD: The LONG Version: LOL

 

First, thanks for all the feedback. We are :bigear:. A bit more about us:

 

 

• We want to raise our children to say, "Yes, ma'am" and "No, sir." In fact, we already do this, believe it or not. People here look at our kids like this :001_huh:. Older people love it, and then go on gushing about how cute and sweet the girls are. :lol: But as far as the broader culture goes, we already feel like misfits...
  
• We want to live in a more church-centered culture. Right now, here in New Jersey, we feel as though we are living in a barren wasteland. I can't even type this without :crying:, that's how bad it is. As for churches being run by families in the South, there are churches that work that way here, too, and we know all about that. See here. Overall, though, church life is very important to us. We want to live where it's important to others, also, because now we feel like misfits....
  
• We want to live in a more rural area, but that really isn't saying much. We live in NEW JERSEY, the state with the highest population density of any US state -- 1,196 per square mile (2010 Census Bureau). OTOH, we do at times enjoy the diversity of the state (very diverse), but OTOH there are times when we long for a little more... simplicity? It's possible to go out for nearly any kind of "ethnic" food (if you can afford it), but we find ourselves drawn more to the 4-H County fairs and agricultural stuff. So, again, we feel like our values are already at odds with the majority of NJ culture. (Nothing wrong with good food, though. We just don't need so much diversity to be happy).
  
• We vote red, not blue. ;) Our votes never count, though, because they are the only two red votes in the state....
  
• We want to live where there is a lower cost of living. In NJ, we have the highest property tax ranking in the US. Most people around here pay $6,000 and up per year for property taxes (and not for huge houses, either). We have a 7% state sales tax on practically everything. The pollution is a problem. The congestion is a problem. We long for beauty and open spaces... and less... concrete?
  
• We would never, in a million years, want to live in a place with outright racial prejudice. I'm as white as Caspar, my husband is of Egyptian decent, and our children are beautiful blends of us both. But it doesn't matter what we are. We could both be ________ (fill in a color/label), and we wouldn't want to put up with that nonsense at all. I also have to keep in mind that my husband is very visibly Middle Eastern... who thinks he's really a terrorist in disguise? :confused: He's had a few experiences related to his physical traits...
  
• We don't think we have any preconceived ideas about Southerners. I hope not. We would want to get to know each person as a person, and we don't think you're stupid if you talk slowly. We also would never expect our host culture to adapt to our Northern ways. If we do go South, we'd expect our children to become Southerners! We might even get there ourselves... ? But no redneck jokes from us.
  

 

The South appeals to us as a possible new home because (a) we've enjoyed our travels there; (b) we respect the people who have built their lives there; © we think we might embrace some of their values (but not the sports teams thing); (d) we've researched it as a more affordable, more pleasant place to live; (e) there are good-paying jobs in my husband's field there; and (f) we hate winter.

Edited March 23, 2011 by Sahamamama
Updated to add more information about us

[KnitWit]

I was born and raised in the south. I lived in WA state for a few years, but other than that, various southern states.

 

While there are areas that are *very* old south, much of the south is a potpourri now, not just of northerners/southerners, but also of folks from various other countries. So, it kind of depends upon where you are thinking of moving.

[deacongirl]

I think it really depends where in the South--and big city vs. small town. I was raised mostly in NJ, have also spent a lot of time in CA. Went to school in NC, have tons of family born and bred in NC, lived in ATL, and now live in a small Southern town (near a city--but not a city like ATL).

 

There are many things I LOVE about the South--what has been difficult for me in our current location is the complete lack of diversity of political opinions and the pervasive idea that there is "one" way to be a Christian. Obviously this would be very different in Atlanta, or say Raleigh/Chapel Hill, or Charlotte. That said--there are plenty of transplanted yankees here who love it, and even in this small town there is an active local community theatre, a book festival, chamber music festival etc.

 

I have always felt welcome and included and never felt that being a Northerner originally left me on the outside. Perhaps if you tried to move to Savannah or Charleston and have your daughter make her debut with all the old money Southern familes, you might face some challenges:D--but I am guessing that isn't on your agenda!

 

For the most part, I have always felt warmly welcomed and included. Good luck with your decision!

[MaMa2005]

I am a born and bred Southerner and have lived in the Deep South all my life. While you may find a more laid back atmosphere in rural areas, metropolitan cities (i.e. Atlanta) are full of hustle and bustle. One of the big differences I have noticed is manners. In the South, children are raised with "Yes, ma'am and No, ma'am" (and sir) when speaking with adults. Adults are addressed with a title - Johnny's mom is never called "Sally" - it is either "Mrs. Sally" or the more formal "Mrs. Smith". A child would never answer with "What?" when called by an adult or if he didn't hear what an adult was saying. "Pardon?" is the more accepted answer.

 

Most of the above can really rankle a Northerner. When I was teaching school, I actually had parents tell me that saying those things made the child feel belittled :confused:. For me, it is just how we were raised (and many people are still raising their children.)

 

Northerners have never bothered me. Sometimes the abruptness of their answers catches me off guard. Southerners are known for being able to tell someone to put something where the sun doesn't shine with a smile on their lips and honey dripping from their mouth.:tongue_smilie:

 

I love living in the Deep South. The seasons are distinct, the food is fabulous, and for the most part, the people are friendly. The only real downside is that if you are moving into a small community, most everyone is related to everyone else and it can be VERY HARD to become part of the community and feel like you belong and are not an outsider. (I know from experience.)

 

Hope others will chime in. I didn't mean for this to be so rambling, but I hope it gives you a little insight.

[Mom2J112903]

I was born less than 1/2mile away from where I am sitting, lived in this general area until I was 9 and then moved North and lived there until I was 26. We have been back in this area since November 2006.

 

I do agree, children are VERY mannerly-something we NEVER saw in the North.

 

Some people are VERY church based people and do not want to hear any other way. That is the one thing I dislike about the area I am in.

 

The one thing I LOVE about this area is we are less than 6hrs away from 7 major cities and most of those are less than 3hrs away. The COL is AMAZING here, IF you can find a job. I know many people whom actually live here but commute into Hunstville.

 

Here in AL, there are virtually no homeschooling laws. No reporting grades, no mandatory testing either.

 

The summers can be brutal, but that is what pools and splash pads were made for :)

 

Winters are mild, and usually no snow. But watch out if there is-you do not go anywhere! We have NO road clearing equipment, so even an inch of snow paralyzes the cities.

 

Our family still lives in the North, but there are WAY too many things keeping us here. So, we travel and they travel, but the South is home for us.

[FriedClams]

If you are a "Northerner" who has moved South, please tell me about your experiences with being transplanted to a new climate. ;) How long have you lived in the South now? Do you still feel like an outsider? Do you ever feel as though you belong?

 

LOL!! This is TOTALLY me! :lol::lol:

 

I grew up in Boston, spent summers with the grandparents in ME, went to college in CT... I love the Sox. Love them. I love Italian food, taking the T, and fall. I really LOVE fall. I also really love clam necks, but it's been like FOREVER since I've had any...

 

Then I joined the military. And since 1994 have lived in the South. I lived south of I-10 for almost 10 years, then moved deeper into the rural south and have lived here for 6 years. So, 16 years here. Most of my adult life.

 

So, knowing where I come from I have a lot to say. That, and I'm opinionated. LOL! While my kids work, I'll write in Word, and then post it later.

[Annie]

Well, I transplanted to a mid size central VA city. Not exactly the deep south, but my particular city has much more in common with the south than it does with NoVa.

 

Here's what I've learned:

 

- People are very polite and "friendly", but they usually don't really want to be your friend. They either have the same friends they did in grammar school or they meet them at church.

 

- If you don't have a southen accent or can tell them that so and so that they've known forever told you to call, it's virtually impossible to get a contractor to call you back. :glare: I know several people who have had this problem.

 

- The weather is great where I live.

 

- The cost of living is great.

 

- The property taxes are so low I almost didn't believe it.

 

- I'm consistently asked where I go to church. Since I'm LDS, I'm not nearly Baptist enough. :lol:

 

- Saying ma'am and sir is expected

 

 

All in all, I'm happy here. I've made friends with other transplants, and we mostly live in a little bubble. I have one or two "local" friends who are very useful when I need to get someone to come look at my plumbing. ;)

 

My husband is sometimes called a d*mn Yankee at work, but I'm pretty sure it's (usually) in jest. :tongue_smilie:

[chiguirre]

If you are a "Northerner" who has moved South, please tell me about your experiences with being transplanted to a new climate. ;) How long have you lived in the South now? Do you still feel like an outsider? Do you ever feel as though you belong?

 

Does it make a difference if the person's reason for coming to the South is to find that more laid-back, rural, family-oriented lifestyle for which the South is famous -- IOW, we like you and we want to be more like you? And, how do you, as a Southerner, feel about the exodus from the North? :bigear:

 

I'm from Pittsburgh and after a long stint in South America, I've lived in Houston for almost 8 years. I like it here, but I think I like the things that make Houston less "southern". There's a lot of activities available and Houston is very, very diverse. My suburb is not laid-back, it's full of tiger(ish) moms making sure their kids are on track to a good college, although they're usually aiming for UT or A&M instead of Harvard or Yale. I fit in fine in the wider community, but hsing around here is dominated by evangelicals and it's harder to find compatible families. We did eventually and life is pretty good now. The weather is great 9 months out of the year, we do get leaves changing color around Thanksgiving and we sometimes get a bit of snow. Summer is hot, but it was hot in Pgh too, and I'd rather have milder winters. The one thing that bugs me is the way that native southerners talk very quietly. We're more a "Cake Boss" kind of family and I sometimes feel judged about that, but it's a fairly minor annoyance given all the good parts of living in Houston.

[Plagefille]

I grew up in So Cal but we have lived in atlanta area for 5 years now. Maybe because we are in the city it really doesn't seem that different. I miss CAL weather but ATL is pretty nice most of the time. I LOVE homeschooling here because there are so many homeschoolers around.

[The Girls' Mom]

I was born and raised in small, small town TN. Lived in MN for a short time, and now live in TX. I've lived in big cities and the boondocks.

 

It really depends on where in the South you go. Smaller towns can seem more unfriendly to "outsiders", especially if you are a bit different. In the larger cities, it's such a mix that newcomers aren't that unusual. I think overall I think the South is very nice, but not always inclusive, if you know what I mean.

 

I've had friends that have moved south from 'up north' with mixed results. The ones that WANT to be here usually like it. The ones that HAD to move here usually hate it. Just keep in mind, just because we talk slow, doesn't mean we are slow :) (I had a friend that had trouble with that...after months of hearing about stupid rednecks that can't talk right, I was kind of glad she moved back to NY)

[HeathenMom]

born and raised in the South, and i make it a point to remind a Yankee of his or her roots at least once a week. ;)

[LarlaB]

Well, I transplanted to a mid size central VA city. Not exactly the deep south, but my particular city has much more in common with the south than it does with NoVa.

 

Here's what I've learned:

 

- People are very polite and "friendly", but they usually don't really want to be your friend. They either have the same friends they did in grammar school or they meet them at church.

 

- If you don't have a southen accent or can tell them that so and so that they've known forever told you to call, it's virtually impossible to get a contractor to call you back. :glare: I know several people who have had this problem.

 

- The weather is great where I live.

 

- The cost of living is great.

 

- The property taxes are so low I almost didn't believe it.

 

- I'm consistently asked where I go to church. Since I'm LDS, I'm not nearly Baptist enough. :lol:

 

- Saying ma'am and sir is expected

 

 

All in all, I'm happy here. I've made friends with other transplants, and we mostly live in a little bubble. I have one or two "local" friends who are very useful when I need to get someone to come look at my plumbing. ;)

 

My husband is sometimes called a d*mn Yankee at work, but I'm pretty sure it's (usually) in jest. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Agreed w/ bolded for our current city. Plus, the Baptist Bible belt aspect (and we are Christian) is so different. That's all I will say about the religious aspect. ;)

 

I was born & raised in PA. I lived in Dallas TX for 4 years, Virginia Beach, VA 10 years and here in Lexington, KY for 3 years- all considered 'the south' by those in North, but definitely varying degrees. :) IMHO, the people/culture varies by size of city & of course, actual location. I loved TX & VA because we lived in large/populous cities so there was diversity. I never felt like I didn't' fit, because there wasn't a 'mold'...and frankly, I don't know that Virginia Beach is actually the south, and neither is TX in the traditional sense- LOL. Texax is its own world. :) Love it.

 

However, here in a smaller & more traditionally southern city in KY, I've been frustrated by the homogeneous culture. Its all who know, and where you're from. I'd say 90% of this area is from the state...and they are very nice, kind & talkative, but nothing beyond that. It is stifling and not the way we view the world, so we're moving to Colorado this summer. ;) Enough said.

[Kim in Appalachia]

I have not lived in New Jersey since I graduated from college. We lived in Baltimore for 4 years, then we moved to the south. I have lived in Southern Appalachia for 15 years (in 3 different locations).

 

There are lots of things I miss about being up North. I miss being close to things, I miss some of the food availability, I miss people that look and sound familiar, mostly I miss family and friends.

 

We live in a small town, in fact all three of the locations we were in were small towns. Because of that we will never belong here. People are friendly, but we will always be outsiders. That is not as true if you live in a city. But it is a different feel being down here. I will never get passionate about college sports teams. :001_smile:, I will always miss the greater variety of people that live up north, and just the fact that there are more people.

 

I don't miss the traffic, or the overcrowded stores. I like that it is quiet here, and I love the lower taxes and car insurance rates. :D I love the fact that it has been warm here and will stay nice now. Where I'm at the summers are nicer than up north. Our nights tend to stay cooler, and our mornings are very pleasant. I have trouble with the sunrise/sunset, but that has more to do with how west we are. I am not that far from the next time zone, the result is in the summer it's not dark till well after 9:00, closer to 9:30. The sun doesn't come up as early, which drives me nuts. Right now, because of daylight savings (which I've decided is evil) the sun does not rise till after 7:30. This affects people here, in that nothing opens or starts early, and things tend to be scheduled late in the day.

 

It really depends on where you are going, how far south, if you will be near a large city, a college town, or if it's a small town. It depends on what part of the south too. Each area is a bit different.

 

As a total aside, I was going to title the post that I'm from South Jersey, but only those from Jersey will get that. :tongue_smilie: For years, when someone asked where I was from, I would say, "South Jersey", and the person would just look at me and say, "didn't know that was a state" :D

[elegantlion]

 

If you are a "Northerner" who has moved South, please tell me about your experiences with being transplanted to a new climate. ;) How long have you lived in the South now? Do you still feel like an outsider? Do you ever feel as though you belong?

 

 

 

I will share my experience. I don't believe my experience is indicative of ALL southern cities or people, so please don't think I am thinking that everyone southern is this way. We recently moved back to the midwest after five years in the south.

 

The new climate was wonderful. Flips flops in winter, bike riding in February, even the humidity was tolerable because I hate snow.

 

We never felt like we fit in. After being a church for a year we quit going. We had one friend there, even though we tried. No one was reaching out or accepting our invitations to reach out. I finally found some like minded writing friends, but dh had no real friends, and ds found it near impossible to make real friends.

 

One issue with where we lived was that the area was not used to people moving in and out of the city. You either were from there or you weren't. The most blatant cold should I received was when we were at a homeschooling event. I was trying to break into this group so ds could find some friends. One lady asked if I were related from to the _____ family from _____. I said no, we had moved a few years earlier from the midwest. She turned and walked away from me mid sentence. It was just us talking so there was no guessing her intent. I went home and cried. In our area we found a "bless your heart while stabbing you in the back" mentality several times.

 

another issue is that apparently sometimes northerners are too blunt. I believe in tact and I believe in honesty, but all things don't need to be sugar coated. My dh ran into the sugar coating A LOT in his business. Many times it turned into run around and that he wasted time and money because people didn't want to be honest. We're big kids, we could have handled the truth.

 

The biggest issues in our area were the blatant racism and lack of education and how it filtered to the job market. The racism was horrendous in our area. I am a pasty white woman and I had several racist remarks said to me by other people as they assumed I held similar beliefs. Nothing raises my ire more.

 

The lack of education was appalling. They closed one high school while we were there. 80% of the 9th graders were reading at a 6th grade reading level and the other schools were concerned about how to handle that.

 

The job market was another issue. My dh is in construction. In the mid-west it's a trade, a respected position that people chose. In our area anyone that dropped out of school picked up a hammer and called themselves a skilled laborer. My dh had trouble finding qualified subs who would do quality work. He was scammed out of thousands of dollars by subs (of which he had to seek legal action) and he quit working with a few people because of ethical issues. IMO in that area, construction is not viewed as a professional craft, but as job for people who couldn't do better in life.

 

We recently moved back to the mid-west. This is the area where I can go to one cemetery and point out five generations of deceased family members. This is where we are from. Just yesterday I discussed with my son how to handle that. We discussed how to not make people feel less welcome because they are new to the area.

 

Again, I do not think my experience is a broad brush to paint the entire south with, but it was my experience and you asked. :D

[SailorMom]

There is a big difference between the "South" and the "Deep South".....

Generally, the South hasn't been too shocking for a Californian :)

 

We've lived in TX, AL, and FL in the South, and these generalizations are pretty accurate for all three....

 

These are not judgements, but they are honest things I have experienced. Keep in mind - I love where we live in Florida, and these examples are just that - examples. I love the people here.....

 

1) There is more racism. Period. Dot. Also - racist comments seem to be ignored by those who don't agree - rather than disputed. This racism is not confined to any specific socio-economic class... I do say something, and to very good friends. They know it is not tolerated and that I think they are wrong, and once we got past that, we have had no problems. Those people I know who drop racist comments are very accepting of the fact that a lot of people disagree with them.

 

2) There is more fried food, and food slathered in butter, grease, etc :)

 

3) The question is never "Do you go to church?" it is "Where do you go to Church?" - the wrong answer has created some uncomfortable situations for me.... Trust me - you will be asked multiple times, by everyone.

 

4) Youth sports are taken VERY seriously,,,, VERY....

 

5) Life generally moves slower- especially in the summer (hot + humid = slow).

 

Here is one thing I have found in living in 7 different states, all over the US: People are people. Each region has its quirks, but once you get past those, and get used to it, you'll realize how similar they all are :)

[SailorMom]

 

- People are very polite and "friendly", but they usually don't really want to be your friend. They either have the same friends they did in grammar school or they meet them at church.

 

- Saying ma'am and sir is expected

 

:tongue_smilie:

 

Agreed.... completely. It is hard to break in.

 

As for Ma'am and Sir - in California, this is generally not done. I was not raised this way - no one I knew was, and our kids were not either. Moving around the South, I have been told that my kids are rude for not doing it. I have to explain that this is not how we raise our kids.... they really don't get it. Most don't believe me and can't imagine this is possible :)

[Kim in Appalachia]

I had not thought to mention churches.

 

We travel an hour to attend church, an hour. And everyone not from here does the same thing. Churches are run by families, and if you are not related you are not truly welcomed. I know that sounds mean, and I'm sure there are exceptions, but overall that is how it is.

 

Again, this depends on where you go. Bigger cities are not a problem, just small towns.

 

And yes, educational standards are horrible, but I figured you homeschool and are not as worried about that. :001_smile:

[mommymilkies]

I have lived in Ohio, Kentucky, and Illinois most of my life. We lived in NC for a year. It was a huge culture shock. People were so polite but I had trouble understanding the accent. I hate the weather. I thought I'd like it, but the kids and I missed Autumn and snow. Christmas just isn't the same when you're wearing shorts. We did love the beach, but not the scrubby, sandy soil and the fireants.

[abbeyej]

It makes a big difference *where* in the South. I grew up in Memphis. My family lives in Virginia. I live inside Atlanta (and inside Atlanta vs. a few miles out can make a big difference)... Living in a major city vs somewhere more rural makes a huge difference... Living on the coast is very different from living inland...

 

I'd lived in SoCal for 10 years before moving back here to Atlanta, and I'll admit I *still* miss the climate. :) The thing I hate most are the giant bugs. ;) Though I've become strangely accustomed to them... ;)

[lionfamily1999]

Agreed.... completely. It is hard to break in.

 

As for Ma'am and Sir - in California, this is generally not done. I was not raised this way - no one I knew was, and our kids were not either. Moving around the South, I have been told that my kids are rude for not doing it. I have to explain that this is not how we raise our kids.... they really don't get it. Most don't believe me and can't imagine this is possible :)

:lol: Last year we dabbled in French. In the second or third lesson there was a culture section regarding public behavior. It said that one reason Americans were considered so rude in France is because we did not greet the people behind the counter. In France that's SOP. You walk in, you say hello to the person behind the counter. Knowing that, if my wildest dreams come true and I make it to France, I'll be sure to greet the shopkeepers.

 

I understand that you have not raised your children to use those words, but isn't there something to be said for showing respect to others and their cultures? Here, one of the reasons that some families find it so hard to be accepted (and lose the tag "come here") is because they refuse to respect the area and people who live here.

[Carrie12345]

As a total aside, I was going to title the post that I'm from South Jersey, but only those from Jersey will get that. :tongue_smilie: For years, when someone asked where I was from, I would say, "South Jersey", and the person would just look at me and say, "didn't know that was a state" :D

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I'm from a long line of North Jerseans, and my mom and sisters moved to the Atlanta area about 10 years ago. They've connected with many, many Yankee transplants, and they feel almost completely "at home" there. The only differences they comment on (particularly my sisters) are the increased church talk (it's not much of a discussion in NJ, and my sisters and I range from agnostic to atheist) and conservative politics. They find like-minded people just about everywhere, so it's not *constant*, but it's much more than we grew up with.

 

Dh and I are actually considering the idea of joining them down there, after I've resisted for 10 years.

[Crimson Wife]

We spent 6 months in KY back when DH was in the Army and it was an eye-opening experience for me. Having previously only lived in New England and California, I had naively thought that anti-Catholicism was a thing of the past. I was shocked by all the nasty comments that people thought nothing of making to my face.

 

I'm sure there are folks elsewhere who feel the same way privately but they keep their opinions to themselves. I really don't understand what someone hopes to gain by acting so nasty- didn't they ever hear the old saying about catching more flies with honey than with vinegar? If you want me to consider converting to your denomination, you might start by being nice...

[deacongirl]

In defense of my charming and lovely South Jersey hometown--the kids I grew up with were absolutely taught manners and to be polite, we called all adults Mr. or Mrs. etc.

 

I think it is a sign of respect to use ma'am and sir--and while when we move out of the South it can drop, on this issue I believe when in Rome.

 

Re: climate--the fall and spring in North Carolina are just gorgeous, you can drive to the mountains or the beach, to me the weather there is just about perfect.

 

All that said--I would move back to my hometown tomorrow if dh would agree.

[KJsMom]

Just keep in mind, just because we talk slow, doesn't mean we are slow :)

This. Please don't be offended by my general statement, but many of the Northerners that come to our area expect us to be uneducated, superstitious, bigoted, and fat. Many of us are overweight because good food is important here :D and you probably will encounter those attitudes from some people, but I think that is true anywhere you go. If you come to the South with those expectations, I'm sure that is what you find because it is what you are looking for, kwim?

[lionfamily1999]

 

This. Please don't be offended by my general statement, but many of the Northerners that come to our area expect us to be uneducated, superstitious, bigoted, and fat. Many of us are overweight because good food is important here :D and you probably will encounter those attitudes from some people, but I think that is true anywhere you go. If you come to the South with those expectations, I'm sure that is what you find because it is what you are looking for, kwim?

:iagree: and our dog is Chewie too :lol: Must be Southern thing.

[SailorMom]

I understand that you have not raised your children to use those words, but isn't there something to be said for showing respect to others and their cultures? Here, one of the reasons that some families find it so hard to be accepted (and lose the tag "come here") is because they refuse to respect the area and people who live here.

 

Absolutely; however, remembering to greet the shopkeeper for a month in France is much easier than changing the entire method in which you believe it is right to raise kids :) "Ma'am and Sir" are simply not something we ascribe to, and all of our extended family is the same. It would be similar to asking a person from the South to please not have their kids use "Ma'am and Sir" while in CA :)

 

We're military, and about 1/2 of the places we've lived in the last 13 years are "ma'am sir" states. SO - 1/2 the time we're wrong no matter what :lol:

[mandymom]

Something I've heard commented on quite a few times by people not born/raised in Texas was the fact that kids learn and say the pledge to the Texas flag. Now, if your kids aren't in school, you probably won't notice it much, but yes....we have a pledge and we say it :001_smile: It doesn't bother me, but then I'm a Texan by birth.

 

We live in a suburb of Houston, and we have MANY people who were not born/raised in Texas living here.

[Dobela]

It really depends on where in the South you go. Smaller towns can seem more unfriendly to "outsiders", especially if you are a bit different. In the larger cities, it's such a mix that newcomers aren't that unusual. I think overall I think the South is very nice, but not always inclusive, if you know what I mean.

 

I've had friends that have moved south from 'up north' with mixed results. The ones that WANT to be here usually like it. The ones that HAD to move here usually hate it. Just keep in mind, just because we talk slow, doesn't mean we are slow :) (I had a friend that had trouble with that...after months of hearing about stupid rednecks that can't talk right, I was kind of glad she moved back to NY)

I was born in the south, raised in the south, spent many summers in TN although not from there, and live in the south now. My dh is from Washington state and I hope to never live there. I currently live in a town that has a large tourist population and a large retirement community with thousands of residents. Almost everyone in the retirement community came from up north somewhere. They came here because housing is cheaper, cost of living is cheaper, taxes are lower, the winters have much less snow, and so on. They didn't come here because they like the south.

 

Most of those retirees, and transplanted folks, hate the south and are very vocal about it. And because they are complaining and insulting the rest of us, well, they are not very welcomed. Which in turn probably affirms their dislike of the south. They don't like the road quality, they don't like the medical care, they don't like the weather because it is too hot in the summer, or y or z. If you don't like it, move away.

 

In the south you will find some very closed communities. If you haven't lived there since before the Civil War, well, you will be considered an outsider for another 150 years. My grandma lived in such a community. My other grandma lives in one of the warmest, most welcoming places my husband says he has ever been. In her town of 400, if you are willing to eat their food and help a neighbor in need, then you are family and it doesn't matter where you come from. And, she lives 12 miles from the other grandma LOL.

 

Cities are like other cities. Fast life, lots of shopping, and so on. Rural areas are like rural areas I have been to all over. You will come to the south and find what you find in the north: drugs, crimes, gangs, rich people, poor people, racism, and so on.

 

If you are moving for jobs and what not, then you will most likely meet a large potpourri of people from all over. If it is a married couple, often if both are not from the north, one is. In general, yankees are not viewed as bad. Just those who complain or make fun of those in the south.

 

 

And yes, we talk slower. I hate the stereotype in movies and cartoons that where the dumb person or character always has a southern drawl. I have met idiots from the north and am ready to see one portrayed with NY slang!

[lionfamily1999]

Absolutely; however, remembering to greet the shopkeeper for a month in France is much easier than changing the entire method in which you believe it is right to raise kids :) "Ma'am and Sir" are simply not something we ascribe to, and all of our extended family is the same. It would be similar to asking a person from the South to please not have their kids use "Ma'am and Sir" while in CA :)

 

We're military, and about 1/2 of the places we've lived in the last 13 years are "ma'am sir" states. SO - 1/2 the time we're wrong no matter what :lol:

Ah! Well, that is a fun situation. Darned if you do &tc.

[herbalgirl]

Hi there! I am typing this as I sit with all the windows open. My mom has over 10" of snow in PA. There is one benefit of being in the South. ;)

 

I was born in MA and raised there and PA. My husband is born and bred MA. We have lived all over, being military, but have been in the south (FL and now GA) for the past 3 yrs.

 

We were in the FL Panhandle, which is jokingly called "Lower Alabama". It definitely had more southern flavor than the rest of FL. Now, we're smack in the middle of GA.

 

Overall, we like it here. People are friendly for the most part, sometimes hmm...a bit nosy. haha We have two different older ladies who are our neighbors and they don't really get along. One is the information hub of the neighborhood. I guess it has its good and bad points there.

 

As a Christian, I appreciate that people have no qualms about saying they are Christian. As another poster said, though, it really does seem like everyone is Baptist (no offense to Baptists)!!

 

The winters are really mild. My dh pines for the "real seasons" of up north, but I remind him how driving in the snow is not so fun. It is true, though, about even a bit of snow crippling the area. Even if you're used to driving in those conditions, you don't go anywhere because the majority of people simply are NOT used to those conditions!

 

I've not had problems with people not helping us because we're from the north. The a/c guy who came to our place even noted our PA plates and educated us on electric heat as he thought we probably hadn't dealt with that much. I appreciated it, because we had wood heat up in PA.

 

(I won't mention the huge cloud of yellow pollen enveloping GA right now) :tongue_smilie:

 

FIRE ANTS!! Ay yi yi!! Never had to deal with those up north. Definitely a minus. I can't put a positive spin on those, sorry!

 

Overall, though, I really enjoy it down here.

[AlmiraGulch]

I was born and raised in St. Louis, then lived in Miami for about 6 years, and have now been in Atlanta (barely outside of the city) for 16. I definitely consider this my home, even though I wasn't raised here. I also travel for my job a considerable amount and so have regular exposure to all areas of the country (not that it makes me an expert...just some context for my opinions).

 

I'll echo most of what others have said. I find it makes a huge difference where you live in the South as to what your experience will be. Atlanta is basically like any other big city. This is a big, Red state with metro-Atlanta (including the suburbs) being the only exception. Atlantans as a whole usually vote and live Blue.

 

Outside of larger metro areas? Typically quite conservative, a very large focus on church, strong sense of community that may be difficult to assimilate into if you haven't been around for years. I have many friends, but without exception I've made them at work, or through friends I've made at work. I don't attend church anymore, but even when I did I didn't socialize there, so that wasn't part of my life.

 

More often than not, I find that the cities I travel to are more alike than different regardless of where they are in the U.S. Some have more diversity of culture and, in my opinion, more variety of food and music, but other than that, they're pretty vanilla. You can eat an Applebees anywhere, and all the strip malls look alike.

 

If you're looking into smaller towns, I think the adjustment could be greater. Otherwise, find a place where you like the climate and you should be fine. For what it's worth, it would take something extremely compelling to get me to move North again.

[hsbaby]

It's funny....we moved from CA to TN and I haven't noticed that the cultures are all that different. The only noticeable things to me were: people wave at you when you drive by, kids call me Miss (my name), kids say mam and sir, and it's not as diverse. Other than that, I don't feel like I moved into some foreign land or culture:). I never felt unwelcome....in fact, Floridians and Californians seem to be the majority here.

[Ibbygirl]

I currently live in a town that has a large tourist population and a large retirement community with thousands of residents. Almost everyone in the retirement community came from up north somewhere. They came here because housing is cheaper, cost of living is cheaper, taxes are lower, the winters have much less snow, and so on. They didn't come here because they like the south.

 

Most of those retirees, and transplanted folks, hate the south and are very vocal about it. And because they are complaining and insulting the rest of us, well, they are not very welcomed. Which in turn probably affirms their dislike of the south. They don't like the road quality, they don't like the medical care, they don't like the weather because it is too hot in the summer, or y or z. If you don't like it, move away.

 

:iagree::iagree:THANK YOU so much for saying this out loud! This has always been such a huge pet peeve of mine so much so that it has given me a real complex about my state. I was born and raised in South Florida and have lived in the same county my entire life. I cannot tell you how many people I've met from up north that come down here and just blast this place to smithereens. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard, "It's too hot." "There's nothing to do here." "Florida is a hell hole." etc etc. I happen to love my state because it's where I've lived my whole life and all of my memories and friends have been here. It just gets so old to hear the continual complaining about my home by people who hate it so much I cannot understand why they don't move back to the place that they think is so great. I would never go to someone's house and then start telling them how ugly it is, and how small their house is and how their furniture is so tacky and then go on to tell them how wonderful and perfect my own house is. Yet people feel free to insult my home continually to my face after finding out I'm a native from here. :confused: It's very hurtful. :(

 

Rosie and I were talking about visiting each other some day and what we would do etc and I actually got worried about her coming here and started to think, "What if she comes here and hates it and thinks it's a hell hole like everyone else?" Yeah, it's really created a complex for me. It's a shame too because I really don't know why people hate Florida with such passion. I think it's beautiful here. :confused::confused:

Edited March 23, 2011 by Ibbygirl

[Rebecca]

I moved from PA(an hour or so north of Philly) to far southwest NC.

 

I adore the climate. Adore it. There is nothing like our spring and fall.

 

It has been a very, very hard adjustment that is just now getting better. Just made it through our fifth winter here and almost all of my "close" friends are transplants.

 

We are in a very rural place. This has A LOT. A LOT I say, to do with my struggles.

 

It was way harder for me, university educated, stay at home, homeschooling mom of a large family than for my husband who took like a duck to water to his new career and his coworkers.

 

All the church stuff mentioned. :iagree: :iagree::iagree: We are committed, serious Christians and this has been one of the HARDEST parts for us where we live. Truly.

 

 

Also had major issues with medical care here (in the rural south). We have to travel to Duke which is over five hours away once a year because of our son's food allergy. We used to drive less than 20 minutes for awesome care.

 

There is nothing like southern hospitality, food, and generosity.

 

Just some thoughts for you- since you asked.

I still have trouble with the southern lingo and speech. There are all different dialects here and a lot of people from Florida. Some of the "slang"- I just don't get and honestly, some of it really irritates me. That is the sorry truth...

 

Rebecca

P.S. We love Asheville and we love Atlanta. But we don't live there...;)

[Rebecca]

Oh yeah- I am not old. And I am not a retiree-

 

but the medical care and the roads... I can understand why transplants struggle with that. I really can.

 

It is SO different. It can be so frustrating. It is hard.

 

Complaining- well- that does no good- but as a hardship. I have experienced it.

[Dobela]

Oh yeah- I am not old. And I am not a retiree-

 

but the medical care and the roads... I can understand why transplants struggle with that. I really can.

 

It is SO different. It can be so frustrating. It is hard.

 

Complaining- well- that does no good- but as a hardship. I have experienced it.

I will say that I do understand. Really. As a southerner,I get frustrated with our roads, medical care, and all that. But lets be honest here - much of that is a direct result of lower taxes - road care in particular. If you want better roads, you have to pay more in taxes. If you don't like paying taxes, then you may just have to accept the roads. The lack of medical care is troubling to me in the rural areas. Would higher taxes help that? I honestly don't know.

[Rebecca]

Yes you are so right about the taxes!!

I actually wish we did pay more taxes here. I get frustrated with the different initiatives that are "stopped" and shut down by the people of our county.

 

It is nice to pay low taxes. But I have definitely come to appreciate the benefits we had through paying them in PA.

 

The economy is also very different here which is so frutrating.

 

I am not one to rejoice in the low taxes and cry out at the bad roads.

I hear you. I agree. I guess I am just the rare bird that would pay more for better...

 

Rebecca

[happyWImom]

:iagree::iagree:THANK YOU so much for saying this out loud! This has always been such a huge pet peeve of mine so much so that it has given me a real complex about my state. I was born and raised in South Florida and have lived in the same county my entire life. I cannot tell you how many people I've met from up north that come down here and just blast this place to smithereens. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard, "It's too hot." "There's nothing to do here." "Florida is a hell hole." etc etc. I happen to love my state because it's where I've lived my whole life and all of my memories and friends have been here. It just gets so old to hear the continual complaining about my home by people who hate it so much I cannot understand why they don't move back to the place that they think is so great. I would never go to someone's house and then start telling them how ugly it is, and how small their house is and how their furniture is so tacky and then go on to tell them how wonderful and perfect my own house is. Yet people feel free to insult my home continually to my face after finding out I'm a native from here. :confused: It's very hurtful. :(

 

Rosie and I were talking about visiting each other some day and what we would do etc and I actually got worried about her coming here and started to think, "What if she comes here and hates it and thinks it's a hell hole like everyone else?" Yeah, it's really created a complex for me. It's a shame too because I really don't know why people hate Florida with such passion. I think it's beautiful here. :confused::confused:

 

I live in the Midwest, have never lived in the south, but I can see why you get upset when someone bashes your state. There was a post from someone on here once asking about moving to WI, and someone else made some negative comments, and boy did I get my back up!! Thinking about it now, I guess since she was asking because of a possible move, it's sort of understandable, and I shouldn't have been so offended. But-if you just move somewhere, and are constantly complaining to someone who is from there, I think it is just plain bad manners. Would you go into someone's house & start ripping it apart? I don't think so.

 

There is such a thing as tact, and people can "complain" in a polite, respectful way.

[Ellie]

There is a big difference between the "South" and the "Deep South".....

Generally, the South hasn't been too shocking for a Californian :)

What would that difference be? :confused:

[SailorMom]

What would that difference be? :confused:

 

Ummmmm, well, I don't want to sound like I'm stereotyping, and you have to remember that these are just examples and I am not trying to represent the people and culture as a whole - they are far to complex anywhere to be pigeon-holed that way.

That being said - the "deep" south is simply more..... southern - I suppose. More serious about church, more racism - both directions (sorry, but this is based off my personal experience, so take it as it is), there seems to be more segregation (this seems to be by choice by both races)....

I think what most are referring to as "rural" and "city" south can be paralleled to my "south" and "deep south".

[Ibbygirl]

I live in the Midwest, have never lived in the south, but I can see why you get upset when someone bashes your state. There was a post from someone on here once asking about moving to WI, and someone else made some negative comments, and boy did I get my back up!! Thinking about it now, I guess since she was asking because of a possible move, it's sort of understandable, and I shouldn't have been so offended. But-if you just move somewhere, and are constantly complaining to someone who is from there, I think it is just plain bad manners. Would you go into someone's house & start ripping it apart? I don't think so.

 

There is such a thing as tact, and people can "complain" in a polite, respectful way.

 

Yes this. I understand that Florida is different from the North and I understand that it would be an adjustment to move from there to here. I even understand the complaints about the heat. It is hot. But it's the "hell hole" comments that always make me feel horrible. I wish I could say that it's only said by a few, but it's not. I've always heard people say that. I've even read it on here these boards when people talk about places they would never want to live. Florida is always mentioned and someone inevitably will call it a "hell hole". It would be interesting to use the search function on these boards for that phrase and see how many times Florida comes up in the search results. :lol:

 

The thing that bugs me though, is for all of it's imperfections, Florida has a great deal of natural beauty and neat things to see and do if one would just take the time to open themselves up to doing something new and different. Isn't that part of the adventure of going somewhere new? New things to see and experience? You can swim with dolphins here, see gorgeous sunsets, go swimming in February, go to the beach on Christmas Day, go boating, play water sports, dive coral reefs, go fishing, go swimming in the springs, go on nature walks, Disney World, Sea World, Bush Gardens, Universal Studios, Kennedy Space Center etc. There is a lot to do, it's just typically outdoorsy stuff. :)

[SailorMom]

The thing that bugs me though, is for all of it's imperfections, Florida has a great deal of natural beauty and neat things to see and do if one would just take the time to open themselves up to doing something new and different. Isn't that part of the adventure of going somewhere new? New things to see and experience? You can swim with dolphins here, see gorgeous sunsets, go swimming in February, go to the beach on Christmas Day, go boating, play water sports, dive coral reefs, go fishing, go swimming in the springs, go on nature walks, Disney World, Sea World, Bush Gardens, Universal Studios, Kennedy Space Center etc. There is a lot to do, it's just typically outdoorsy stuff. :)

 

I agree - there are some pretty amazing things here in FL. Yes, the summers are hot - duh - it's Florida... Yes the roaches are the size of small cars, and mosquitos are endemic.... but the wildlife is just plain cool, the beaches and waters are gorgeous, and the variety of activities is pretty impressive. It is different, though :)

 

I've learned through all of our moves not to judge anywhere we have lived too quickly. I've been here 5.5 years now, and still see my opinion of things changing. I'm NEVER vocal about anything negative except the general, "dang it's hot today!" comments!

[Ibbygirl]

If it makes you feel any better, I LOVE Florida and wish I could live there! Case in point: my avatar picture, on the sand at Fort Walton Beach.

 

Awwww thank you for that. :grouphug::grouphug: It does make me feel better. :) Fort Walton beach is nice. :) But I just realized how much I'm ranting and being rude by hijacking this thread. I apologize. It's just that what Dobela said really struck a nerve with me. I guess I just don't understand why everyone hates it here so much when I love my state. :confused:

 

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled thread. :) Rant/hijack over! :D:tongue_smilie:

Edited March 23, 2011 by Ibbygirl

[SailorMom]

I guess I just don't understand why everyone hates it here so much when I love my state. :confused:

 

 

Because they haven't seen the pictures of the sunset I took from my sailboat over the weekend :D

[Ibbygirl]

I agree - there are some pretty amazing things here in FL. Yes, the summers are hot - duh - it's Florida... Yes the roaches are the size of small cars, and mosquitos are endemic.... but the wildlife is just plain cool, the beaches and waters are gorgeous, and the variety of activities is pretty impressive. It is different, though :)

 

I've learned through all of our moves not to judge anywhere we have lived too quickly. I've been here 5.5 years now, and still see my opinion of things changing. I'm NEVER vocal about anything negative except the general, "dang it's hot today!" comments!

 

LOL :lol::lol: Well everyone complains about the heat, even the natives, but yeah it's the tropics, it's going to be hot. :) The bugs though yes are gross. Shudder, but I guess I'm just used to them. You have no choice when you grow up here.

[mommymilkies]

Absolutely; however, remembering to greet the shopkeeper for a month in France is much easier than changing the entire method in which you believe it is right to raise kids :) "Ma'am and Sir" are simply not something we ascribe to, and all of our extended family is the same. It would be similar to asking a person from the South to please not have their kids use "Ma'am and Sir" while in CA :)

 

We're military, and about 1/2 of the places we've lived in the last 13 years are "ma'am sir" states. SO - 1/2 the time we're wrong no matter what :lol:

 

I agree. We're half and half here in Southern IL. Some people do, some don't. I just NEVER got a hang of the Ma'am or Sir thing in NC. At first I was offended. Where I'm from it usually means you're really old or people say it in a patronizing tone, so I was taken aback the first time I was called "Ma'am". I think I even shed a few tears. :lol: Same with calling friends "Miss/Ms. Sally" or whatever. Just never could pick it up and didn't really feel like I should. It just feels condescending for me to say it. Like calling someone Boy.

 

I must say I vented a lot about living in NC when I lived there. I was very unhappy. Looking back it doesn't seem as bad, and I do feel bad about some of my complaining. But it's easier to look back fondly when my kids aren't covered in fireant welts and afraid to go outside. :tongue_smilie:

[Ibbygirl]

Because they haven't seen the pictures of the sunset I took from my sailboat over the weekend :D

 

OOOH I would ask you to post it, but I have seriously derailed this thread enough as it is and have a sort of reputation for being a *cough* thread killer *cough* *cough* and would hate to see yet another thread die at my hands. :D

 

Maybe you could PM it to me?? Or you could even post it up in the thread I started about the moon? That way anyone who wants to see it can. :) I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE sailing. How lucky you are to have a nice sail boat. :)

Edited March 23, 2011 by Ibbygirl

[FrogMom5]

I'm a military brat that lived mostly in the southwest - AZ, TX, UT. My mom is from the midwest so we spent a lot of time there too. I went to college in IL. We moved to the gulf coast of FL about 4 years ago and really like it.

 

Some of the negative things people have said are true here as well. It's been hard to fit in, especially in the homeschooling community. We are the wrong brand of...well...everything. But, we've cobbled together some friends, mostly outside of homeschooling.

 

On the plus side, there is diversity here. The weather, low taxes and so forth are a big plus. Btw, it's not that hot here. Yes, it gets into the upper 90's with high humidity but there is often a sea breeze to counter it. The ocean and pool help too!

 

At first, I had trouble with boredom. That's kind of the story of my life, but that's for another thread. Anyway, it's been good for me to have to be more creative in making our own fun, instead of relying on outside sources. It's what I try to teach my kids anyway.

 

Denise

[ereks mom]

I am a born and bred Southerner and have lived in the Deep South all my life. While you may find a more laid back atmosphere in rural areas, metropolitan cities (i.e. Atlanta) are full of hustle and bustle. One of the big differences I have noticed is manners. In the South, children are raised with "Yes, ma'am and No, ma'am" (and sir) when speaking with adults. Adults are addressed with a title - Johnny's mom is never called "Sally" - it is either "Mrs. Sally" or the more formal "Mrs. Smith". A child would never answer with "What?" when called by an adult or if he didn't hear what an adult was saying. "Pardon?" is the more accepted answer.

 

Most of the above can really rankle a Northerner. When I was teaching school, I actually had parents tell me that saying those things made the child feel belittled :confused:. For me, it is just how we were raised (and many people are still raising their children.)

 

Northerners have never bothered me. Sometimes the abruptness of their answers catches me off guard. Southerners are known for being able to tell someone to put something where the sun doesn't shine with a smile on their lips and honey dripping from their mouth.:tongue_smilie:

 

I love living in the Deep South. The seasons are distinct, the food is fabulous, and for the most part, the people are friendly. The only real downside is that if you are moving into a small community, most everyone is related to everyone else and it can be VERY HARD to become part of the community and feel like you belong and are not an outsider. (I know from experience.)

 

Hope others will chime in. I didn't mean for this to be so rambling, but I hope it gives you a little insight.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

I was also born and raised in the Deep South, and yes, our cuisine is FABULOUS! I have lived here all my life, except for 1 year when I was a toddler, when my dad (from Michigan) moved us to Michigan. My mother is from the Deep South (born & raised), and absolutely HATED leaving. She mourned until Daddy took us home. She hated being ridiculed because of her Southern drawl. For some reason, many of the Northerners I've known have thought it was funny to tease us about the way we talk; because of the drawl, they at least seem to assume that we're too stupid to realize that they're being condescending.

 

Our drawl and our more laid-back lifestyle should not be taken to mean that we are unintelligent or ignorant, however. We simply take life at a different pace, savoring it and relishing it more than our harried counterparts in the North. We are much less abrupt with other people, and that's how we got the reputation for being hospitable. By comparison, Northerners seem downright rude--and in fact, people around here will tell you straight out that they are rude.

 

Something that Northerners must realize is that we Southerners are very, very proud of who we are, and we take great offense when people ridicule us because of it. So, while we are very friendly and hospitable, we are also fiercely "patriotic". We'll accept you if you accept us. ;)

Edited March 26, 2011 by ereks mom

[abbeyej]

..."Ma'am and Sir" are simply not something we ascribe to, and all of our extended family is the same. It would be similar to asking a person from the South to please not have their kids use "Ma'am and Sir" while in CA :)...

 

Actually, when I was up North, that's *exactly* what I was told to do when I was working as a bank teller. And I did.

 

It's just not that hard to pick up or drop a "sir" and "ma'am" depending on where you live.