Do homeschooling families live in bubbles?!

[CarrieF]

Okay, I am homeschooling and loving it, so with that said . . . does it ever seem that a) you live in a bubble as a homeschooling family, or b) other homeschooling families live in their own little bubble world?! Let me try to explain: as I am at my co-op (which I will most likely NOT sign up for next year!) it occurs to me that maybe I am the only teacher/mom who cares whether or not my children learn that there is a time and a place to raise their hand and share what their little cousin told them about 3 weeks ago at the family picnic . . . and that time is NOT in the middle of my States class, thank you very much. :D

Or another example: while attending a recent homeschool convention (without my lovely, homeschooled offspring), I noticed that MANY families had brought THEIR lovely, homeschooled offspring . . . and left their common courtesy at home. Said families were talking, playing with disruptive papers and toys, and generally being rude DURING presentations. Hello?! I know that people who homeschool get the "socialization question" a lot, but I think I know why! Isn't common courtesy supposed to be COMMON?! Isn't rude behavior rude no matter if you are homeschooing your children or sending them to someone else to learn?! Isn't one of the reasons we homeschool because we want our children to attain a level of achievement (in life AND in academics) that is superior?! I am the FIRST to admit that I am not perfect (nor are my lovelies!), but I try to be IN the world enough to know how to FUNCTION in it with grace and courtesy. Isn't that probably what Jesus meant when He told us to be IN the world without being OF it?! Just wondering if I'm the only one who has noticed these issues in the homeschooling community at large.

[Cindyz]

Okay, I am homeschooling and loving it, so with that said . . . does it ever seem that a) you live in a bubble as a homeschooling family, or b) other homeschooling families live in their own little bubble world?! Let me try to explain: as I am at my co-op (which I will most likely NOT sign up for next year!) it occurs to me that maybe I am the only teacher/mom who cares whether or not my children learn that there is a time and a place to raise their hand and share what their little cousin told them about 3 weeks ago at the family picnic . . . and that time is NOT in the middle of my States class, thank you very much. :D

Or another example: while attending a recent homeschool convention (without my lovely, homeschooled offspring), I noticed that MANY families had brought THEIR lovely, homeschooled offspring . . . and left their common courtesy at home. Said families were talking, playing with disruptive papers and toys, and generally being rude DURING presentations. Hello?! I know that people who homeschool get the "socialization question" a lot, but I think I know why! Isn't common courtesy supposed to be COMMON?! Isn't rude behavior rude no matter if you are homeschooing your children or sending them to someone else to learn?! Isn't one of the reasons we homeschool because we want our children to attain a level of achievement (in life AND in academics) that is superior?! I am the FIRST to admit that I am not perfect (nor are my lovelies!), but I try to be IN the world enough to know how to FUNCTION in it with grace and courtesy. Isn't that probably what Jesus meant when He told us to be IN the world without being OF it?! Just wondering if I'm the only one who has noticed these issues in the homeschooling community at large.

 

 

It seems to me that the co-op classroom type situations are where they will learn those things? We don't raise our hands at home. I think you are perfectly within your right to teach those things as part of your presentation. I would start by stating the rules at the beginning and reminding whenever someone seems to need a reminder.

[jina]

I totally agree with the OP. I have repeatedly been disappointed at the behavior of homeschoolers. You would THINK our families would be MORE polite than the average family - not the other way around. At a recent convention it was really hard to deal with some of the homeschool families who did not seem to care how their behavior (or those of their children) impacted those around them!

[Jean in Newcastle]

We do not live in a bubble. Both of my kids raise their hands and know how to behave in a classroom situation. We don't go to a co-op and never have attended one. They learned in church classes.

 

We also know how to behave in presentations, artistic programs, etc. We found out recently that some public school children and their parents do not know how to behave in those kinds of situations when we went to our local elementary school's school play. Some of the kids and parents were wandering around and talking during the play. A teacher had to go over and tell them what the expectations were for the situation. (Just my luck, 2 of the families were seated in the row in front of me.)

[MariannNOVA]

We do not live in a bubble. Both of my kids raise their hands and know how to behave in a classroom situation. We don't go to a co-op and never have attended one. They learned in church classes.

 

We also know how to behave in presentations, artistic programs, etc. We found out recently that some public school children and their parents do not know how to behave in those kinds of situations when we went to our local elementary school's school play. Some of the kids and parents were wandering around and talking during the play. A teacher had to go over and tell them what the expectations were for the situation. (Just my luck, 2 of the families were seated in the row in front of me.)

 

 

:iagree: I would tend to say that homeschool parents are less likely to live in a bubble IF they truly do homeschool (i.e., spend the time with their children teaching them as opposed to running around a park all day every day). A few weeks ago our homeschool co-op was at the Northern Virginia Eastern Region Odyssey of the Mind Competition. There were approximately 200 teams ranging from 1st grade to high school. This was the 2nd OM event we had attended in two weeks. The other co-op moms and I were appalled (as were the judges) at the behavior of MOST of the elementary school children (excluding our homeschool team) and even more appalled at the behavior of their parents: we saw parents strike their children, grab them so hard in anger that we thought one kid was going to lose an arm, scream at their children - yelling obscenities -- kids were running up and down the halls, climbing on lockers and ignoring the verbal and written instructions NOT to do that.

 

No, honestly, I think that anyone who thinks they can drop their kid off at ANY school in the morning and pick the child up at 6 or 6:30 in the evening and plop the kid in front of the tv or whatever and never have any realization that their are to be influencing their child in a positive way, well, THOSE are the people living in a bubble.;)

[CarrieF]

It seems to me that the co-op classroom type situations are where they will learn those things? We don't raise our hands at home. I think you are perfectly within your right to teach those things as part of your presentation. I would start by stating the rules at the beginning and reminding whenever someone seems to need a reminder.

Clarification: I have stated my expectations (repeatedly!) for the behavior in my class; that is what makes it so frustrating/disappointing. :confused:

[Retired]

my kids attended PS before homeschooling so they already knew social norms

 

our first year homeschooling we tried a few field trips with other home schoolers, the kids and I were very embarrassed

 

there just seem to be lack of decorum

 

the kids seem to act like preschoolers on the playground they were running around, talking loudly and out of turn (these were middle school age kids)

 

we have never went on another home school group field trip

[TeaTotaler]

I won't go into details but a few recent incidents have really troubled dh and me. My dh is pretty laid back but a few days ago he said that what occurred really left a sour taste in his mouth about homeschooling. It saddens me.

 

Okay, I am homeschooling and loving it, so with that said . . . does it ever seem that a) you live in a bubble as a homeschooling family, or b) other homeschooling families live in their own little bubble world?! Let me try to explain: as I am at my co-op (which I will most likely NOT sign up for next year!) it occurs to me that maybe I am the only teacher/mom who cares whether or not my children learn that there is a time and a place to raise their hand and share what their little cousin told them about 3 weeks ago at the family picnic . . . and that time is NOT in the middle of my States class, thank you very much. :D

Or another example: while attending a recent homeschool convention (without my lovely, homeschooled offspring), I noticed that MANY families had brought THEIR lovely, homeschooled offspring . . . and left their common courtesy at home. Said families were talking, playing with disruptive papers and toys, and generally being rude DURING presentations. Hello?! I know that people who homeschool get the "socialization question" a lot, but I think I know why! Isn't common courtesy supposed to be COMMON?! Isn't rude behavior rude no matter if you are homeschooing your children or sending them to someone else to learn?! Isn't one of the reasons we homeschool because we want our children to attain a level of achievement (in life AND in academics) that is superior?! I am the FIRST to admit that I am not perfect (nor are my lovelies!), but I try to be IN the world enough to know how to FUNCTION in it with grace and courtesy. Isn't that probably what Jesus meant when He told us to be IN the world without being OF it?! Just wondering if I'm the only one who has noticed these issues in the homeschooling community at large.

[Alicia64]

I totally agree w/ the OP, but I'd like to take a moment to defend homeschoolers w/ poor manners. . . I've also been recently to Cub Scout meeting where the kids manners were so far from being actual manners they'd devolved into hostile/rude behavior.

 

Yes, from Webelos-aged kids. It was bad: loud burping, cat calls and more all doing an awards show.

 

On the opposite end I had a guy who works for the state and sees a lot say -- at 5:00 in the afternoon -- "you must homeschool. Your kids are polite and really listen to you." I was stunned he was even paying attention.

 

My theory: public school kids are in school 30 hours a week not counting their commute time and most of us don't get to see how they act and/or how the teachers crack down on poor manners.

 

But, like you, I definitely am teaching my boys good manners. I think it's really important.

 

Alley

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I can't generalize. The very best and very worst behaved families I have known were both homeschooling families.

 

The most graceful, poised, intelligent, articulate, and kind teen girl I know is public schooled. The smartest, wisest, and most generous teen boy I know is homeschooled.

 

10yo little boys often act like they were raised by wolves, no matter where they go to learn their math. (Can you guess which of my children is a problem today?)

[MaMa2005]

Clarification: I have stated my expectations (repeatedly!) for the behavior in my class; that is what makes it so frustrating/disappointing. :confused:

 

I feel your pain. I also teach at our local co-op and come home shaking my head at the behavior. During class change, one of my students chose to crawl under a chair and 'pretend' cry because she had lost something (this child is 8 years old). I went over and told her to get to class as I don't play those games. Later found out that I had hurt her feelings so badly she wouldn't be attending my class anymore because I used a stern voice. Holy cow, people, your children do have to function in the real world.

[ChristusG]

I really don't think this is a homeschooling issue. I think it's a parenting issue in general. There's PLENTY of rude public and private schooled kids.

[Hedgehog]

To be honest, I think you can find it anywhere. I don't really see any other homeschoolers IRL - but I see plenty of what you are describing in the kids that play out around our home, at church, and in town. It's just so nice when you meet a family who respects one another and is courteous, no matter where!

[Photo Ninja]

The majority of hsing families I have known do not live in their own little bubble. Most the children have been taught manners and are expected to follow rules and be courteous and respectful.

 

I have known a few families who do have very different expectations than I do when it comes to child rearing and behavior, and seem to be those you refer to as being in a bubble. Most these families unschooled and would laugh at their dc's inappropriate behavior, explaining it away by stating their philosophy that children need to learn at their own pace and explore their world without being hindered, and that they are just acting on their curiosity or out of boredom (adult caused boredom). I truly don't mean to imply that all unschoolers have unruly children because I know that is not true. In my case, this is a common denominator. These parents believe that letting their dc run around while other dc are listening to the speaker is just letting their dc be children, doing what children are made to do. They state that they don't want to stifle their dc and make them conform to an artificial learning environment. Talking while an instructor is teaching is because their children are excited about the information, or because the teacher is boring and has not engaged their dc's attention. They always had some philosophy that allowed their dc to be rude. Other people tried to stay away from their dc. While the mothers were nice, their dc were not always pleasant to be around.

 

People who don't teach their dc good manners and who allow inappropriate behavior are not teaching their dc to live in the real world. This includes hsers as well as parents who have their dc in an institutional schooling situation. It is rude to expect someone else to teach their dc proper social behavior, and teachers in schools should not have to waste academic time teaching it, either.

 

Your class, your rules. If they know the rules, then they may need to experience the negative consequence of ignoring them so all the other children can have a good experience in the class.

[shanvan]

Okay, I am homeschooling and loving it, so with that said . . . does it ever seem that a) you live in a bubble as a homeschooling family, or b) other homeschooling families live in their own little bubble world?! Let me try to explain: as I am at my co-op (which I will most likely NOT sign up for next year!) it occurs to me that maybe I am the only teacher/mom who cares whether or not my children learn that there is a time and a place to raise their hand and share what their little cousin told them about 3 weeks ago at the family picnic . . . and that time is NOT in the middle of my States class, thank you very much. :D

Or another example: while attending a recent homeschool convention (without my lovely, homeschooled offspring), I noticed that MANY families had brought THEIR lovely, homeschooled offspring . . . and left their common courtesy at home. Said families were talking, playing with disruptive papers and toys, and generally being rude DURING presentations. Hello?! I know that people who homeschool get the "socialization question" a lot, but I think I know why! Isn't common courtesy supposed to be COMMON?! Isn't rude behavior rude no matter if you are homeschooing your children or sending them to someone else to learn?! Isn't one of the reasons we homeschool because we want our children to attain a level of achievement (in life AND in academics) that is superior?! I am the FIRST to admit that I am not perfect (nor are my lovelies!), but I try to be IN the world enough to know how to FUNCTION in it with grace and courtesy. Isn't that probably what Jesus meant when He told us to be IN the world without being OF it?! Just wondering if I'm the only one who has noticed these issues in the homeschooling community at large.

 

Experience will vary according to the group, but our experience was similar to yours. We interact with other homeschooling families in our area --but no longer join co-ops or attend events organized by the local large homeschool group. The families we interact with all left the group too, for the same reasons. It was a *Christian* group, btw. I spent several frustrating years trying to educate the kids in the co-ops (volunteering my time). It was pointless. Most of the other mothers looked at the classes like a social opportunity. That's fine, but why was I bothering with lesson plans and materials then?:confused: I've read similar experiences in other threads.

 

After taking several classes at our local library, my Ds asked me flat out why the Christians at co-op were so rude, disrespectful, and poorly behaved in comparison to the kids at the library class (very few of which were homeschooled). We had a long conversation.

 

Shannon

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

One of my good friends run the health education program at a local museum. She gets school groups and homeschool groups on a regular basis. I asked her who was better behaved. She said it's about the same. In any group of kids, you get the ones who have been instructed on how to behave in a group setting, and the ones who act like wild monkeys. I don't belong to a co-op, but I have taken my kids to homeschool classes at the library, the arts center and the museums, and I must say that I've been more embarrassed by the kids in our cub scout pack on field trips than I have at any of those classes.

[katemary63]

I'm really amazed at what I'm reading. I've never been to a homeschool convention but I do belong to a faith based co-op and interact with many homeschooled kids regularly. We've got about 100 families in our group. We hold classes, go on field trips and have lots of group activites including meetings and lectures. I rarely see a misbehaving or disruptive child. Quite the contrary. Our groups routinely gets compliments from teachers, business people, and other community people about how well behaved, polite and mature our group is compared to most groups they encounter. I've heard these compliments first hand. Our kids listen quietly, wait in line, raise their hands and treat others respectfully including each other. I've never even seen any teasing. And in our own co-op classes taught by our moms, the behavior is likewise. I am regularly amazed at the excellent behavior of these kids. I honestly think if a child in our group were rude or disopedient, the other kids would pipe up and say something. I know my DD10 would be shocked. I am starting to think we've got a rare thing here in the middle of po-dunk Arkansas! I sure am glad I'm a part of it! But trust me, it's possible and it's being done.

[shanvan]

I'm really amazed at what I'm reading. I've never been to a homeschool convention but I do belong to a faith based co-op and interact with many homeschooled kids regularly. We've got about 100 families in our group. We hold classes, go on field trips and have lots of group activites including meetings and lectures. I rarely see a misbehaving or disruptive child. Quite the contrary. Our groups routinely gets compliments from teachers, business people, and other community people about how well behaved, polite and mature our group is compared to most groups they encounter. I've heard these compliments first hand. Our kids listen quietly, wait in line, raise their hands and treat others respectfully including each other. I've never even seen any teasing. And in our own co-op classes taught by our moms, the behavior is likewise. I am regularly amazed at the excellent behavior of these kids. I honestly think if a child in our group were rude or disopedient, the other kids would pipe up and say something. I know my DD10 would be shocked. I am starting to think we've got a rare thing here in the middle of po-dunk Arkansas! I sure am glad I'm a part of it! But trust me, it's possible and it's being done.

 

I would love to come join your group! It's exactly what I was looking for. Imagine my horror during my last semester of teaching at co-ops when one boy actually punched Ds in the stomach and wrestled my Ds to the ground because the boy wanted to cut in line and Ds told him no. To make matters worse, the boy lied about it and when I tried to resolve the matter with his mother she went around getting other parents to support her and her son in his lies. Then they all confronted me about my 'mistaken' idea of the situation. The leadership knew what really happened and that my Ds was telling the truth, but nothing was done. Same boy is still there causing problems, I hear. Now they've made his mother one of the leaders!:rolleyes: Glad we are out of there!

[CarrieF]

I'm really amazed at what I'm reading. I've never been to a homeschool convention but I do belong to a faith based co-op and interact with many homeschooled kids regularly. We've got about 100 families in our group. We hold classes, go on field trips and have lots of group activites including meetings and lectures. I rarely see a misbehaving or disruptive child. Quite the contrary. Our groups routinely gets compliments from teachers, business people, and other community people about how well behaved, polite and mature our group is compared to most groups they encounter. I've heard these compliments first hand. Our kids listen quietly, wait in line, raise their hands and treat others respectfully including each other. I've never even seen any teasing. And in our own co-op classes taught by our moms, the behavior is likewise. I am regularly amazed at the excellent behavior of these kids. I honestly think if a child in our group were rude or disopedient, the other kids would pipe up and say something. I know my DD10 would be shocked. I am starting to think we've got a rare thing here in the middle of po-dunk Arkansas! I sure am glad I'm a part of it! But trust me, it's possible and it's being done.

What you are describing is what I WANT my homeschool group experience to be like! It seems that in order to attain this, one MUST meet with "like-minded" families who value this behavior as much as we do. Where do you live?! :D

[Samiam]

Aren't homeschoolers just people? Just regular, whatever that is, families? Is any family the same? Should we expect every other family to act just like we do and just know our expectations??

 

I mean, what OP has described could be ANY children in ANY group setting. The fact that it was a Homeschool group should not be any different than any other public school group, or mixed education group.

 

Why do you think that ALL homeschoolers are going to be WAY ABOVE anyone else in the world? They are humans, and generally humans are all pretty different, not act the same as us. That is like saying ALL public school children are getting horrible educations....not true.....ALL Christians always do the right thing....not true.........all blonde females are dumb....not true...........overall, I think your expectations of homeschoolers in general, is a gross generalization.

[Peela]

It's not reallly my experience that the homeschooled groups I have been part of are not well socialised. The kids can misbehave but respond reasonably to being redirected. We attended many different classes and the overwhelming feedback from the teachers- many of whom were ex teachers employed to teach homeschoolers, but were not themselves homeschool parents- was that the homeschooled kids were very well behaved and also eager to learn.

 

It sounds just like poor parenting to me.

[angela in ohio]

It really depends on the group. We have been in groups at both extremes and everything in between. I could tell stories. :D

[Mommy22alyns]

I really don't think this is a homeschooling issue. I think it's a parenting issue in general. There's PLENTY of rude public and private schooled kids.

 

 

:iagree:

[Desert Strawberry]

Perhaps there is a regional difference?

 

We belong to a large, inclusive group. Our children are uniformly well-behaved. I commonly have people ask me if my children are homeschooled because they are so well-behaved and listen to me so attentively. And I interact with them as well. I can only think of one family who's children behaved poorly. We don't see them anymore. I'm not sure if they are still homeschooled or not.

 

My husband is always appalled when he goes somewhere and there is a field trip of schooled kids. Honestly, so am I. It seems that no one is making any attempt to contain them or instruct them. They come into the zoo/museum/whatever, run all over the place, and then line up neatly and leave. I'm not sure what they are supposed to be learning that way.

 

I will admit that our children often have little or no experience with common conventions like single file lines, raising hands, etc. We don't have co-op. The classes my children have taken have been very small groups or individual instruction. I do think that makes them look a bit "unsocialized" and out-of-place at times, but they are not unruly, even in those situations.

 

ETA: Of course children occasionally misbehave, but it not often, usually only a single child, and is ALWAYS handled immediately by the parent.

Edited March 17, 2011 by strawberrymama

[Miss Sherry]

Clarification: I have stated my expectations (repeatedly!) for the behavior in my class; that is what makes it so frustrating/disappointing. :confused:

Then you need to approach the issue another way. You may want to speak to individual parents of the children who are disruptive. You could let them know they will need to be sitting in class with their child if they get another warning or they will need to remove their child from the classroom if they continue to be disruptive.

Honestly, I don't think this is a homeschool issue, but a parenting issue. I've seen public schooled children behave in an unruly manner in a public or classroom setting just as often as I've seen homeschooled children misbehave in a public or classroom setting.

 

Really, it does not take all that much instruction for a child to find out what the rules are in different settings. Also, children seem to know instinctively what they can and cannot get by with from individual teacher's.

[FloridaLisa]

Given my experience in teaching groups of children at church as well as in co-ops, I think you'll find misbehaving children across the board. I've really had to learn how to manage and teach groups of children over the years and I'm always in awe at my teacher friends that know how to really command a group of kids well. I'll also add that it's not just kids. IME, some moms are notorious for talking in the back during field trip presentations or in large Sunday School assemblies and such and just oblivous to the noise it creates.

 

Lisa

[sewingmama]

;)

My husband is always appalled when he goes somewhere and there is a field trip of schooled kids. Honestly, so am I. It seems that no one is making any attempt to contain them or instruct them. They come into the zoo/museum/whatever, run all over the place, and then line up neatly and leave. I'm not sure what they are supposed to be learning that way.

 

Ahh yes I see this a lot too. I took my kids to the Museum and there were a group of HS students -probably Y10 or 11. The teachers gave them a sheet of paper -I guess their assignments of what they were supposed to be learning about - and told them to meet back in 2 hours. The kids took off willy/nilly with at least half heading straight for the cafeteria where I was sitting with my kids. We left about 20 mins later (the PS kids were still there) and when we came out of the museum over an hour later ALL those same kids where STILL in the cafe. As we wondered through the museum we saw these kids messing around with their friends - doing anything but learning and on the way out I noticed a bin full of thier screwed up papers - - most of them blank -some filled in with a sentance or two :confused:

 

 

To OP - you didn't mention how old the kids were that you teach. I've taught many groups of kids - and it's completely normal for the 5 and under set to raise their hand and tell you about off-topic activities :D The correct response is "Hmm.. that's great... how about we talk about ....now" ;)

 

If it was older kids then yes they should be able to wait till after class to share their "exciting" news..

 

I call parenting issue on this one - if only perfectly mannered children are allowed to be known as homeschoolers then I better put my kids in PS. I'm working on their manners but I have some little personalities that are very resistant and very forgetful ;)

[Plucky]

my kids attended PS before homeschooling so they already knew social norms

 

our first year homeschooling we tried a few field trips with other home schoolers, the kids and I were very embarrassed

 

there just seem to be lack of decorum

 

the kids seem to act like preschoolers on the playground they were running around, talking loudly and out of turn (these were middle school age kids)

 

we have never went on another home school group field trip

 

The only family I ever met that had these kind of issues unschooled and I believe unparented.

[shanvan]

Aren't homeschoolers just people? Just regular, whatever that is, families? Is any family the same? Should we expect every other family to act just like we do and just know our expectations??

 

I mean, what OP has described could be ANY children in ANY group setting. The fact that it was a Homeschool group should not be any different than any other public school group, or mixed education group.

 

Why do you think that ALL homeschoolers are going to be WAY ABOVE anyone else in the world? They are humans, and generally humans are all pretty different, not act the same as us. That is like saying ALL public school children are getting horrible educations....not true.....ALL Christians always do the right thing....not true.........all blonde females are dumb....not true...........overall, I think your expectations of homeschoolers in general, is a gross generalization.

 

Not the OP, but, my expectations are not of homeschoolers in general, but of parents in classrooms and on field trips or in other group settings. Yes, homeschoolers are just people with all the same failings present among them, but I don't think it is unreasonable to expect some standards to be upheld-- whether with a homeschool group, girl scouts, 4h, or whatever group. The group I tried to be a part of was extreme and disappointing. They have been turned down for field trips b/c of past behavior. If it had been another type of group we still would have left, and I still would have been disappointed.I taught before I homeschooled. In one school where I taught the behavior was the same as or worse than the hs group I attended, in the other it was so much better.

 

In general though, it is not a good thing when homeschoolers begin to become known for rude behavior. I think most people expect better behavior from homeschooled kids because I often have strangers in public tell me they knew I homeschooled b/c my kids behave so well (ironically, I have gotten this comment when I was actually annoyed with DC behavior).

[applesing]

We attend many field trips and activities with our homeschooling group, and I find that most of the children are very well behaved. And the parents are there to help instruct them in the expected manners of a given situation.

[Parrothead]

I don't think this is a school issue. I think it is a parenting issue run amok. Too much casualness has become bad behavior.

[sewpeaceful]

I totally agree with the OP. I have repeatedly been disappointed at the behavior of homeschoolers. You would THINK our families would be MORE polite than the average family - not the other way around. At a recent convention it was really hard to deal with some of the homeschool families who did not seem to care how their behavior (or those of their children) impacted those around them!

 

And that is one of the BIG reasons I haven't attended a conference in 3 years. I would rather grab CD's of the talks and have my own mini conferences at Panera on a Saturday.

[Rosy]

Well, I think in a classroom situation (including homeschool co-ops), kids will behave if they are expected to behave. Kids will run amok if they're allowed to run amok. Even if you expect them to behave, it is a lot of work to enforce good classroom behavior. That's why a lot of us homeschool, right??

 

That said, some of the other teachers at my co-op and I have observed that there are certain traits that homeschooled kids seem to have a hard time with: following spoken directions, for example, and walking in line quietly.

[arghmatey]

Aren't people in general rude and / or self-centered? I doubt it is exclusive to home school children or public school children.

 

I think people usually refer to "common courtesy" to insult others. I think most courtesy these days is pretty uncommon, as is most sense.

 

Some people model good behavior for their children; some people model poor behavior for their children.

[Peek a Boo]

I really don't think this is a homeschooling issue. I think it's a parenting issue in general. There's PLENTY of rude public and private schooled kids.

 

:iagree:

 

we don't live 'in a bubble'....well, maybe a bubble of rationality, lol.

we're out and about a LOT, w/ kids from all walks of life.

Some reclusive homeschool families I've known have had exceptionally mannered kids that were TAUGHT to respond correctly to others. others have simply been obnoxious.

 

Have you seen Blast from the Past w/ Brendan Frasier?

It's not the bubble, it's the parenting.

[Mom22ns]

my kids attended PS before homeschooling so they already knew social norms

 

our first year homeschooling we tried a few field trips with other home schoolers, the kids and I were very embarrassed

 

there just seem to be lack of decorum

 

the kids seem to act like preschoolers on the playground they were running around, talking loudly and out of turn (these were middle school age kids)

 

 

This pretty well described my experiences with homeschoolers UNTIL we joined a local homeschool orchestra. It is such a wonderful group. There are a few families that have poorly behaved younger kids, but overall I love to be around this group. It meets at a church (there are over 500 kids involved in the program). One week the kids from the church youth group were there getting ready to leave for a retreat. They were loud and rude. I was on hall monitor duty that day. When I went through the stair door and homeschoolers were around, they opened it for me and let me pass through. When I went through when the ps church kids were there, they pushed me out of the way (literally) and let the door slam in my face.

 

I think the behavior issue is strictly a parenting issue. I think those who allow bad behavior group together and those that more actively parent and have higher expectations do the same. You will find both in homeschool and in public school and anywhere else. Find a group that has behavior standards similar to your own and enjoy.

[CarrieF]

Aren't people in general rude and / or self-centered? I doubt it is exclusive to home school children or public school children.

 

I think people usually refer to "common courtesy" to insult others. I think most courtesy these days is pretty uncommon, as is most sense.

 

Some people model good behavior for their children; some people model poor behavior for their children.

Referring to common courtesy wasn't meant as an insult, but as a point of reference. You make a good point: courtesy is no longer common, it is rare and noteworthy. Maybe the phrase "common courtesy" is just obsolete?!

I also agree with several other posters who point out that it is most definitely a parenting issue. Absolutely. So, maybe I am the one in the bubble world thinking that other families who care enough to homeschool also care enough to teach manners and respect?! Homeschooling is HARD (I know, I'm preaching to the choir!), so why bother if you aren't going to do it well and across the board?! I just don't get it. Homeschoolers get a bad enough "rap" as it is, so it is especially irksome to see/experience a lower standard of behavior being accepted in fellow homeschooling families.

I think I should just go buy a huge piece of land somewhere and live off the land. (Tongue in cheek, girls, tongue in cheek!) :tongue_smilie:

[Homeschooling6]

It seems to me that the co-op classroom type situations are where they will learn those things? We don't raise our hands at home. .

:lol: My kids do. I know pretty schoolish huh, but with 6 kids all wanting to talk at once when they were little (imagine 6 kids 6 and under at the time) I enforced the 'raise your hand rule' and it's still used today :D

 

We only have 6 kids, not only did we get a lot of stares but many compliments of how well behaved they were, so I think it's taking the time to teach your children common courtesy. Just the other day, I took the children to our favorite coffee shop. On my way out the owner stopped me to tell me what well behaved children I have and that she rarely sees children minding their manners.

Edited March 17, 2011 by Homeschooling6

[silliness7]

Okay, I am homeschooling and loving it, so with that said . . . does it ever seem that a) you live in a bubble as a homeschooling family, or b) other homeschooling families live in their own little bubble world?! Let me try to explain: as I am at my co-op (which I will most likely NOT sign up for next year!) it occurs to me that maybe I am the only teacher/mom who cares whether or not my children learn that there is a time and a place to raise their hand and share what their little cousin told them about 3 weeks ago at the family picnic . . . and that time is NOT in the middle of my States class, thank you very much. :D

Or another example: while attending a recent homeschool convention (without my lovely, homeschooled offspring), I noticed that MANY families had brought THEIR lovely, homeschooled offspring . . . and left their common courtesy at home. Said families were talking, playing with disruptive papers and toys, and generally being rude DURING presentations. Hello?! I know that people who homeschool get the "socialization question" a lot, but I think I know why! Isn't common courtesy supposed to be COMMON?! Isn't rude behavior rude no matter if you are homeschooing your children or sending them to someone else to learn?! Isn't one of the reasons we homeschool because we want our children to attain a level of achievement (in life AND in academics) that is superior?! I am the FIRST to admit that I am not perfect (nor are my lovelies!), but I try to be IN the world enough to know how to FUNCTION in it with grace and courtesy. Isn't that probably what Jesus meant when He told us to be IN the world without being OF it?! Just wondering if I'm the only one who has noticed these issues in the homeschooling community at large.

 

I can't speak to the homeschooling convention issue. I have only been to one and it was many moons ago. As to the little kid who shares at inappropriate times...I've been a Sunday School teacher, VBS teacher and church choir leader and had the exact same experience. To my recollection, none of the kids were homeschooled. Some kids are just like that. Some kids are incredibly shy. Some kids pick up on social cues very, very quickly. Some kids like to fit in with others. Homeschooled kids are just kids. They have foibles just like other kids. I have a string of shy kids, so I can't see any of them doing such a thing. But my 3yo...oh my goodness! After the day I had with her today I'm inclined to call up her SS teacher and ask her how many times she uses the word poopy in SS. How mortifying.

[....]

It's our society. And, I think that people are massively over-stimulated.

 

At least you can keep your kids with you and direct them to good behavior. I spent 11 years in public school and it was like a prison environment. Two of our classmates stole a car during recess...one of my friends took a motorcycle on a joyride (running from the cops), crashed and died. People were constantly smoking, hiding stuff in their lockers, leaving campus to buy cigarettes, hiding behind the bus garage, fighting in the gym locker rooms, etc. The grass isn't any greener on that side. :glare:

[Desert Strawberry]

I have always assumed that homeschooled children are better behaved because they are better supervised. I know that when I was in school, I got away with FAR worse behavior than I ever would have thought to try in front of my mother. But I didn't have a teacher standing next to me, or in the room, or in the next room all day long. Homeschooling parents have far more opportunities to reinforce good behavior than parents whose children are in someone else's care for a large portion of the day.

 

Also, if my kids were not well-behaved, I would not enjoy having them here. Good manners are a matter of survival when you spend all day together in close quarters.

[ccmom]

I have repeatedly found so many homeschoolers to be rude and obnoxious (parents included). My husband has always said that he doesn't want us to be identified with them. I live in a small town, so maybe I've just been exposed to the worst. Maybe there are some homeschoolers like us (my family), who tend stay away from the homeschool groups. My personal experience with homeschoolers started with me trying to start a group, plan field trips, etc. in an effort to help my kids make new friends. The result was people coming to field trips and not even talking to each other. Parents gossiping behind others' backs, comparing finances and material things, comparing and criticizing parenting skills, educational philosophies... ugh... it was very annoying and I couldn't stand it, and I was not popular either, not being the dominating type. It felt like a pack of wolves. (Is that what women in groups are?) I think if there was a more dynamic crowd in my town, maybe it might be different. I have blamed myself many times for somehow not sticking it through, but then again, I couldn't continue to subject my kids or myself to this agony.

 

My kids are *very* selective about their friends. We don't do "park groups" or other local homeschool groups. We homeschool for academic reasons and focus on academics. Friends are made outside of school in other activities. I remember coming to the realization that I do not have to label my family with the "homeschool" label. Even my kids say (privately) when they meet someone new, "I hope they're not part of that homeschool crowd." It's kind of sad to me, since we are "homeschoolers" by our choice to educate at home.

[Rhonda in TX]

We also know how to behave in presentations, artistic programs, etc. We found out recently that some public school children and their parents do not know how to behave in those kinds of situations when we went to our local elementary school's school play. Some of the kids and parents were wandering around and talking during the play. A teacher had to go over and tell them what the expectations were for the situation. (Just my luck, 2 of the families were seated in the row in front of me.)

 

This reminds me of an elementary school concert I went to when my kids were still in private school. There were two mothers talking and laughing throughout one grade's performance. My children had already done their performances, but I couldn't hear the next group because of their noise. I finally turned around said, "Excuse me, I'm trying to listen." They were quiet after that. After the whole thing was over, one of the women's daughters came up. She was in the group they were talking and laughing through! Unbelievable. I made a point of telling the girl, in front of her mother, how much I enjoyed their performance.

[Pretty in Pink]

There are all sorts of bubbles out there. I do know some homeschooling families that I would consider to 'live in a bubble', but I know that my extended family thinks that our children are being raised in a bubble, while I strongly disagree. Ahem.

 

Regarding manners and such, I generally find homeschoolers to be a pleasant enough bunch. I once taught a semester at co-op and found that my students generally did not know how to behave in a classroom setting. I think that was more likely due to lack of experience in that setting than to poor manners on the whole.

[ccmom]

This reminds me of an elementary school concert I went to when my kids were still in private school. There were two mothers talking and laughing throughout one grade's performance. My children had already done their performances, but I couldn't hear the next group because of their noise. I finally turned around said, "Excuse me, I'm trying to listen." They were quiet after that. After the whole thing was over, one of the women's daughters came up. She was in the group they were talking and laughing through! Unbelievable. I made a point of telling the girl, in front of her mother, how much I enjoyed their performance.

 

You described a 4-H presentation group my son attended. The moms were laughing and being so rude and loud during presentations. I think a lot of parents just don't know/have manners, so their kids are following their example.

[JennyD]

My almost-6yo is totally that kid raising his hand to offer the random comment in a class. Also forgetting to raise his hand/raising his hand too often. My husband and I have both noticed this -- the other (conventionally schooled) children in his music and sports classes definitely have a better grip on classroom norms. We are working on it, but it's a process, and in the interim I am sure that people find it annoying and/or judge our parenting negatively.

 

OTOH, I regularly get compliments on how nicely my older boys play together and how sweet they are to other children on the playground. Are we doing well, or poorly? Hard to tell.

[Miss Sherry]

never mind. I took someone's post way too seriously.

Edited March 20, 2011 by Miss Sherry

[zaichiki]

During class change, one of my students chose to crawl under a chair and 'pretend' cry because she had lost something (this child is 8 years old). I went over and told her to get to class as I don't play those games. Later found out that I had hurt her feelings so badly she wouldn't be attending my class anymore because I used a stern voice.

 

8 year old girls can sometimes be silly. I can picture my dd doing something like this. And, yes, she would be shocked, offended, and hurt if an adult she didn't really know yelled at her for silly behavior. (It wasn't disturbing a class, was it?)

 

8 year old girls can also be amazingly responsible and mature.

 

My dd (now 9) goes back and forth between these extremes, but usually uses good judgment about *when* it's okay to be silly and *when* she needs to be mature and responsible.

 

Of course I don't know the child you're talking about and I wasn't there, but the way you wrote it made me immediately able to envision a situation when my dd could act the same way.

[bairnmama]

It's a mixed bag around here. There is one homeschool co-op in town that has actually been asked to leave certain establishments on field trips because of their behavior. The group I belong to has very strict by-laws pertaining to behavior and such so we don't have that much of an issue. Of course, there are the occaisional flare-ups, but the parents seem to be right on top of the situation and make the offender apologize or simply pack up and go home if the behavior doesn't improve. In fact at least 4 of our recent members actually came to our group to escape the co-op I mentioned.

[blessedwith7]

Recently we attended a hearing concerning homeschooling at our state capital in Illinois. There were about 4,000 present at the capital building in opposition of the bill - including several children. About 100 fit in the hearing room, so about 3,900 people stood in the hallway of the capital during the 2 plus hour hearing. Because of the quietness and respect of the people, it was the first time in the memory of the security guard that the doors to a hearing room were left open during a hearing. It was amazing. I have had a lot more experience with well mannered homeschooled children than poorly behaved ones.