Not sure what to think... or why do these things always happen to me

[Granny_Weatherwax]

My DD's friend invited her to go to Mall of America. We were told the days were Sat -Mon. I told DD I would need to speak with the girl's mother and discuss the plans in detail before I gave permission.

 

The mom called me today. The trip is actually Mon-Wed, the week of finals. The girls are going to miss the last few days of classes and the review day. They are planning on returning around midnight on Wed. School begins at 7:40 am on Thurs.

 

I told the mom I was not comfortable having my daughter miss three days of school for a trip to the mall, esp. when it is the week of finals and the week before Spring Break. I told her I was sorry but DD would not be going with them. She became upset and told me that the hotel rooms had already been paid for and they were counting on DD going with them.

 

I asked her if she was okay with her DD missing those days of school. Her reply was that her DD dropped out of regular high school and is going to the alternative school and it doesn't really matter.:confused: She can't understand why I was not letting DD go with them and reiterated that she had already paid for the hotel rooms.

 

I apologized again and told her that DD's final exams were our priority at this time.

 

I am weary of always being the parent who says no. But really??

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

She changed all the details and didn't confirm before booking the rooms. That is entirely on her own head, and I wouldn't give it another thought.

 

As for the other part of it, about shopping instead of going to school, that's just nuts.

[missesd]

Don't feel bad, she shouldn't have booked/paid for ANYTHING, until she spoke to you and got *your* permission.

[Hedgehog]

My DD's friend invited her to go to Mall of America. We were told the days were Sat -Mon. I told DD I would need to speak with the girl's mother and discuss the plans in detail before I gave permission.....

 

I told the mom I was not comfortable having my daughter miss three days of school for a trip to the mall, esp. when it is the week of finals and the week before Spring Break. I told her I was sorry but DD would not be going with them. She became upset and told me that the hotel rooms had already been paid for and they were counting on DD going with them.

 

Er.. hang on.. you were going to talk to the mom first, right, but when you did she had already booked the hotel rooms? Isn't that a bit precipitate, assuming you'll say yes?

 

Don't worry about it. If she's jumped to conclusions and spent unnecessary money, that's her problem, not yours. And FWIW, I think you're absolutely right to prioritise your DDs exams. These opportunities of time and youth to study and take exams don't last long, and good exam results open more doors. But I'm preaching to the converted - you know that as well as I do.

 

:grouphug:

[RobinF]

Sorry, but it is crazy to me that she wouldn't understand your reasons. I would never consider scheduling a trip for someone's child without explaining to the parent not the child (even a teenager) that the trip would be on xyz and so they will miss school. Who does something like that?

[coffeegal]

I'm sorry but I'm rofl. Shopping or finals... really. Where are your priorities! :lol: My decision in that situation would have been exactly the same as yours. You don't miss finals week for anything less than illness or emergencies.

[Slartibartfast]

That's ridiculous.

 

What's the alternative school? What does that mean, is it like vo-tech?

[Margaret in GA]

Totally crazy. I would never book a hotel for someone without confirming with them first. Also, hotel room reservations are easily canceled *unless* the person booking did a very stupid thing and booked them non-refundable. Which, again, is crazy when you haven't confirmed with the paying adult

 

sheesh- you did the right thing,

Margaret

[kalanamak]

 

I apologized again and told her that DD's final exams were our priority at this time.

 

 

Stick to your six-shooters.

[elegantlion]

In fairy tales people that stupid (can't think of a better term) would have been eaten by dragons. Unfortunately dragons don't show themselves anymore and we have to try and figure out who the smart people are all by ourselves. :D

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

@Sis: I LOVE your avatar!

 

I'd use the eye rolling smilie, but it's smiling. This is ridiculous. You have made the right decision and did nothing wrong. I hope she gets over this so it doesn't interfere with your daughter's relationship with her friend.

[Imprimis]

I would think she was a bit presumptuous to book a room and assume your daughter was going without first clearing it with you.

[Tree House Academy]

I guarantee that she has not PAID for those rooms. Hotel rooms can almost always be canceled up to 24 hours before arrival (unless it is some kind of booked convention or something) and it happens all.the.time. Not to mention, I have NEVER had to pay in full before the hotel stay!!! You pay after the stay.

Edited March 5, 2011 by Tree House Academy

[Tap]

I guarantee that she has not PAID for those rooms. Hotel rooms can almost always be canceled up to 24 hours before arrival (unless it is some kind of booked convention or something) and it happens all.the.time. Not to mention, I have NEVER had to pay in full before the hotel stay!!! You pay after the stay.

 

unless she paid through a discount site like Hotels.com/Travelocity etc. Then they are non-refundable.

[Tap]

Honestly, I would say "I agreed to Sun-Mon (arriving home no later than 9pm) and if you want to go then, it is fine with me. BUT if you change the date, to Mon-Wed , then no, I am sorry she can't go. " Maybe she can find someone else to go with them....from the same school.

[Dawn in OH]

In fairy tales people that stupid (can't think of a better term) would have been eaten by dragons. Unfortunately dragons don't show themselves anymore and we have to try and figure out who the smart people are all by ourselves. :D

 

That's good!

 

 

 

That's ridiculous.

 

What's the alternative school? What does that mean, is it like vo-tech?

:lol:

[scrapbabe]

In fairy tales people that stupid (can't think of a better term) would have been eaten by dragons. Unfortunately dragons don't show themselves anymore and we have to try and figure out who the smart people are all by ourselves. :D

:lol::lol::lol:

[QuirkyKapers]

Unless she pricelined of something unrefundable, she can cancel at any time. I think it is after 6 pm that you get charged...At least that is how it used to be when I worked at the Holiday Inn.

[Margo out of lurking]

Her reply was that her DD dropped out of regular high school and is going to the alternative school and it doesn't really matter.:confused:

 

. . .

 

I am weary of always being the parent who says no. But really??

 

Maybe she's the kind of mom who always says yes, and this is why her dd is (ETA: NOT!) attending a regular school (when she's not shopping, I might add).

 

(I'm not nearly as snarky as I sound up there, but well, yes, maybe I am.;))

Edited March 5, 2011 by Kristine out of lurking
really should be sleeping!

[Brilliant]

Honestly, I would say "I agreed to Sun-Mon (arriving home no later than 9pm) and if you want to go then, it is fine with me. BUT if you change the date, to Mon-Wed , then no, I am sorry she can't go. " Maybe she can find someone else to go with them....from the same school.

 

I wouldn't say that to the other mom at this point, because I wouldn't trust her to return Monday night even if she promised to.

[Kirch]

Maybe she's the kind of mom who always says yes, and this is why her dd is attending a regular school (when she's not shopping, I might add).

 

(I'm not nearly as snarky as I sound up there, but well, yes, maybe I am.;))

 

Assuming you meant, "this is why her daughter is attending an alternative school," that's what I was thinking too.

[Mynyel]

My DD's friend invited her to go to Mall of America. We were told the days were Sat -Mon. I told DD I would need to speak with the girl's mother and discuss the plans in detail before I gave permission.

 

The mom called me today. The trip is actually Mon-Wed, the week of finals. The girls are going to miss the last few days of classes and the review day. They are planning on returning around midnight on Wed. School begins at 7:40 am on Thurs.

 

I told the mom I was not comfortable having my daughter miss three days of school for a trip to the mall, esp. when it is the week of finals and the week before Spring Break. I told her I was sorry but DD would not be going with them. She became upset and told me that the hotel rooms had already been paid for and they were counting on DD going with them.

 

I asked her if she was okay with her DD missing those days of school. Her reply was that her DD dropped out of regular high school and is going to the alternative school and it doesn't really matter.:confused: She can't understand why I was not letting DD go with them and reiterated that she had already paid for the hotel rooms.

 

I apologized again and told her that DD's final exams were our priority at this time.

 

I am weary of always being the parent who says no. But really??

 

 

I wouldn't let mine go either. Maybe 1 day but 3? Nope.

 

 

Who books a hotel to go to a mall? :001_huh:

[Night Elf]

I wouldn't let mine go either. Maybe 1 day but 3? Nope.

 

 

Who books a hotel to go to a mall? :001_huh:

 

It's not just a mall. Google it. It's definitely not something one could do in a day. It's a vacation spot.

[Denisemomof4]

IMO, you would have been a bad parent if you had allowed that trip! I can't believe that other mom!

[Tap]

I wouldn't let mine go either. Maybe 1 day but 3? Nope.

 

 

Who books a hotel to go to a mall? :001_huh:

 

Over 500 stores, 50 restaurants, mini-indoor theme park including other attractions.

[Margo out of lurking]

Assuming you meant, "this is why her daughter is attending an alternative school," that's what I was thinking too.

 

Yes, thank you. I am falling asleep at my computer, quite literally!

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Thank you for the affirmation. It is appreciated.

DD has been told that she cannot go and, although there is disappointment, I think she understands.

 

---

BTW - the alternative school is where the kids go who have flunked out of high school, have had a baby or run ins with the law and they are meeting minimum graduation requirements.

[AuntieM]

It's not you, it's her -- totally irrational!

 

I wonder, was she counting on your dd to help fund the trip? Or to hang with her dd so she could go off on her own? I mean, why can't the two of them just go on and have a nice mother-daughter getaway? Something is not adding up...

[Granny_Weatherwax]

It's not you, it's her -- totally irrational!

 

I wonder, was she counting on your dd to help fund the trip? Or to hang with her dd so she could go off on her own? I mean, why can't the two of them just go on and have a nice mother-daughter getaway? Something is not adding up...

 

My DD was a diversion for her DD. It's their anniversary and they want alone time. They never asked for money from me. She just let me know that she had already spent the money on the rooms.

[JFSinIL]

When my dd and I went up to see Uni. of Minn, we spent 3 hours at the Mall - a lot of it is the same stuff our local mall had, repeated (how may Starbucks does a mall need?) and since we weren't into spending money on amusement park rides we were done after three hours.

 

We had the most fun counting mall cops, though ;-)

[Heather in AL]

My DD's friend invited her to go to Mall of America. We were told the days were Sat -Mon. I told DD I would need to speak with the girl's mother and discuss the plans in detail before I gave permission.

 

The mom called me today. The trip is actually Mon-Wed, the week of finals. The girls are going to miss the last few days of classes and the review day. They are planning on returning around midnight on Wed. School begins at 7:40 am on Thurs.

 

I told the mom I was not comfortable having my daughter miss three days of school for a trip to the mall, esp. when it is the week of finals and the week before Spring Break. I told her I was sorry but DD would not be going with them. She became upset and told me that the hotel rooms had already been paid for and they were counting on DD going with them.

 

I asked her if she was okay with her DD missing those days of school. Her reply was that her DD dropped out of regular high school and is going to the alternative school and it doesn't really matter.:confused: She can't understand why I was not letting DD go with them and reiterated that she had already paid for the hotel rooms.

 

I apologized again and told her that DD's final exams were our priority at this time.

 

I am weary of always being the parent who says no. But really??

 

You did the right thing. School first. I often feel like you when I say no to things. Besides, I'm agreeing with everyone else.... it's on the other mom for not speaking to you about this. It's not like it was a movie outing that was planned where the kids usually make the arrangements!

 

In fairy tales people that stupid (can't think of a better term) would have been eaten by dragons. Unfortunately dragons don't show themselves anymore and we have to try and figure out who the smart people are all by ourselves. :D

 

Oh gosh, that was funny!! :lol:

 

I guarantee that she has not PAID for those rooms. Hotel rooms can almost always be canceled up to 24 hours before arrival (unless it is some kind of booked convention or something) and it happens all.the.time. Not to mention, I have NEVER had to pay in full before the hotel stay!!! You pay after the stay.

 

Actually, she may have already been charged for the rooms. When I book, I check for the "Best Available" rate.... that is almost always cheaper than AAA or other rewards by a good $5-10 or so per night (on a $90ish per night room), but the kicker is that it's payable at booking (even if it's months in advance) and is non-refundable and non-changeable. This has happened to us with Hampton Inn, Holiday Inn Express, Comfort Inn & Suites, and a few other chains that escape me at the moment. So, this is what the other mom may have done. That in no way excuses the fact that she should have spoken to a parent and the 'fault' is hers (the other mom's), but I just thought I'd toss it out there.

[arghmatey]

Wow. I think she's mad because she lost her financing (you and your daughter) for her shopping excursion. Phooey on her.

[Elisabeth in IL]

 

I guarantee that she has not PAID for those rooms. Hotel rooms can almost always be canceled up to 24 hours before arrival (unless it is some kind of booked convention or something) and it happens all.the.time. Not to mention, I have NEVER had to pay in full before the hotel stay!!! You pay after the stay.

Unless she did something like Priceline where you name your own price. There you have to pay up front. She should have definitely spoken to the OP before booking a room!!

[Alicia64]

Totally crazy. I would never book a hotel for someone without confirming with them first. Also, hotel room reservations are easily canceled *unless* the person booking did a very stupid thing and booked them non-refundable. Which, again, is crazy when you haven't confirmed with the paying adult

 

sheesh- you did the right thing,

Margaret

 

:iagree: That mom is not thinking straight (that's my nice way of putting it because I've had my morning cup of coffee). Feel strong: you've handled this perfectly fine from a to z.

[Carol in Cal.]

She's out of her mind. And presumptuous.

She made a stupid mistake and is mad at the world for it.

Don't you pay for her mistake.

[JFSinIL]

Wow. I think she's mad because she lost her financing (you and your daughter) for her shopping excursion. Phooey on her.

 

yup!!!!!

Not Your Problem!

[Danestress]

I had no idea that anyone would ever plan a trip around a mall.

 

I had no idea anyone would plan THREE days around a mall unless it were a trip to check out the 5th level of hell.

 

I had no idea that any two people would plan an ANNIVERSARY trip around a mall. How soul killingly depressing.

 

I had no idea anyone would every under any circumstances allow a kid to think that a trip to the mall trumped 3 days of school.

 

Obviously I think you did the right thing and I know your daughter knows in her heart that you did the right thing.

 

Yikes.

Edited March 5, 2011 by Danestress

[Chris in VA]

Me, too.

 

She probably doesn't have to pay anything more for the hotel room, anyway--ok, maybe just an extra person charge or something.

[teamturner]

I had no idea that anyone would ever plan a trip around a mall.

 

I had no idea anyone would plan THREE days around a mall unless it were a trip to check out the 5th level of hell.

 

I had no idea that any two people would plan an ANNIVERSARY trip around a mall. How soul killingly depressing.

 

I had no idea anyone would every under any circumstances allow a kid to think that a trip to the mall trumped 3 days of school.

 

Obviously I think you did the right thing and I know your daughter knows in her heart that you did the right thing.

 

Yikes.

 

Great summary! :D I agree 1000% with the bolded part and I'm a woman. I can't even imagine what my dh would say if I ever suggested such a thing. That conversation would be mighty short.

[Renee in NC]

My DD was a diversion for her DD. It's their anniversary and they want alone time. They never asked for money from me. She just let me know that she had already spent the money on the rooms.

 

Then it would have made more sense to find someone locally for her daughter to stay with while they were gone so she wouldn't miss any school.

 

Having said that, my dc have taken days off school to go visit family - I guess it really isn't much different except that it is right before finals.

[LidiyaDawn]

I'm surprised that so many people are "!!!" over the thought that she'd allow her daughter to miss a few days for a family vacation. :001_huh:

 

I've known lots of people who went away during the school year - leaving early for a long weekend, or taking their week off in April instead of the summer heat, etc. My folks did it with us sometimes, we've done it with our kids (they were both in ps for a bit when they were younger).

 

Now granted, assuming that you can take someone else's kid along without asking and all that - obviously that's not quite right. I'm just talking about the actual going away for a few days.

[LittleIzumi]

Honestly, I would say "I agreed to Sun-Mon (arriving home no later than 9pm) and if you want to go then, it is fine with me. BUT if you change the date, to Mon-Wed , then no, I am sorry she can't go. " Maybe she can find someone else to go with them....from the same school.

:iagree:

The Mall is fun--roller coaster, Legoland, etc--but missing finals week & getting back at midnight before finals?? No way.

[katilac]

I'm surprised that so many people are "!!!" over the thought that she'd allow her daughter to miss a few days for a family vacation. :001_huh:

 

I've known lots of people who went away during the school year - leaving early for a long weekend, or taking their week off in April instead of the summer heat, etc. My folks did it with us sometimes, we've done it with our kids (they were both in ps for a bit when they were younger).

 

Now granted, assuming that you can take someone else's kid along without asking and all that - obviously that's not quite right. I'm just talking about the actual going away for a few days.

 

It's not the idea that she's missing a few days of school, but that she's missing the prep days leading up to finals, returning extremely late the night before the exams.