If you were an overweight child...

[shinyhappypeople]

... do you feel good about how your parents handled it?

 

What did they do right?

 

What did they do wrong?

 

When did you become overweight?

 

How do you wish things had been handled?

 

Did you grow into your weight as a child (e.g. got taller, weight stayed the same, so no longer overweight)?

 

Are you still overweight? If you are, do you see a connection between how your family handled your childhood weight issues?

 

I'm asking this because I'm at a loss how to manage this issue with my 7 yo. She's 20 lb overweight. Plus size pants are too small (all her weight is in her trunk). She's becoming more active, though. Just learned to ride her 2-wheeler (rides at least a mile a day usually), loves, to play outside with friends, does various dance/tumbling activities in the community, etc. I'm hoping that if I can just help her to *stop gaining* she'll naturally grow into her weight.

 

This stinks :( It's so hard to know how to help, because it's so easy to unintentionally HURT, kwim?

[KristinaBreece]

Overweight since I was about 7. When my parents divorced, and my mom kind of retreated into her lost childhood. It wasn't handled at all. We were allowed to eat what we wanted, and activity wasn't really encouraged. (Lots of TV time for us as kids.)

 

If I had been my mom, I would like to think that I would have made a point of changing the food available to me. More fruits & veggies, less ice cream & Kraft Mac & Cheese. Also would be encouraging about physical activity.

 

It sounds like you're on the right track with the physical activity... just watch snacks (don't forbid sweets or anything--she has plenty of time for her weight to even out)-- make sure she's getting enough healthy stuff that she doesn't want junk all the time.

 

ETA: I wouldn't mention it to her at all at this point.

[kamom]

Overweight as a child, normal weight once I hit puberty until after the third child.:tongue_smilie: I really did not have a problem with my weight at all for many years, making me believe that a little help would have been all it took.

 

I can't remember my parents ever trying to help me control it. I ate a lot of junk food! So I think you can help her without making a big deal of it.

 

She might slim down once she really starts growing.

[Jenny in Florida]

I've been overweight as long as I can remember. And, no, I do not feel good about how my parents handled it. As a matter of fact, I have a lot of resentment and bitterness about it.

 

My parents consistently ignored the problem and did nothing to help me try to learn better eating habits for years. Finally, when I got very, very unhappy about it, they sent me to a summer "fat camp" in junior high school. I was doing reasonably well there but was horrifically homesick. So, they allowed me to come home at the half-way point. None of the new habits stuck, and I gained back the weight within weeks.

 

By the time I was in 8th grade, I had stated yo-yo dieting, cycling between starving and binging. My parents ignored it.

 

I did not grow into my weight as an adult and have struggled with it my whole life. I occasionally lose a big chunk and keep it off for a year or so, but then gain it back (and more). Currently, I'm two years into trying to be sane about it, having lost about 70 pounds. I still yo-yo up and down by about 10 pounds every few months.

 

What do I wish my parents had done? I wish they had been honest about the problem and put some effort into trying to help me learn to eat well. I wish they had not encouraged eating as an emotional response to both happiness and sadness. I wish, frankly, that they had paid attention.

 

I did warn you that I was bitter, right?

 

With that said, and despite my adamant statements that it would never happen on my watch, my daughter also struggles a bit with her weight. She is nowhere near as badly off as I was at her age. She didn't get overweight at all until she was about 10. At the time, I assumed it was that pre-puberty thing that some girls do. But at 16 she is still heavier than would be ideal. She has a great attitude about it and is now trying to tackle it slowly. She feels good about herself and recognizes weight as a minor challenge she needs to meet. It doesn't seem to have destroyed her self-esteem and self-image as it did for me.

 

I wish you the very best of luck helping your daughter deal with this issue. I've often said that my weight is the single thing that has caused me the most pain and trouble in my life. And I think it's absolutely wonderful that you are concerned enough to ask for help.

[LG Gone Wild]

... do you feel good about how your parents handled it?

 

No, it was terrible.

 

What did they do right?

 

Not much.

 

What did they do wrong?

 

Too much to tell. :tongue_smilie:

 

When did you become overweight?

 

Puberty

 

How do you wish things had been handled?

 

Stop expecting me to be something I am not and comparing me to people with other body types. I never had the petite, demure Asian body type and it was unfair to try to make me squeeze into one. They may as well have asked to become a white person.

 

But then, this was a theme throughout all areas of my life, not just weight.

 

Did you grow into your weight as a child (e.g. got taller, weight stayed the same, so no longer overweight)?

 

Just a little.

 

Are you still overweight? If you are, do you see a connection between how your family handled your childhood weight issues?

 

Nope! :D Yes but I am over it. :D

 

I'm asking this because I'm at a loss how to manage this issue with my 7 yo. She's 20 lb overweight. Plus size pants are too small (all her weight is in her trunk). She's becoming more active, though. Just learned to ride her 2-wheeler (rides at least a mile a day usually), loves, to play outside with friends, does various dance/tumbling activities in the community, etc. I'm hoping that if I can just help her to *stop gaining* she'll naturally grow into her weight.

 

This stinks :( It's so hard to know how to help, because it's so easy to unintentionally HURT, kwim?

 

Don't say a darn thing unless she brings it up and then just talk about it in a casual manner.

 

Keep her very active and change her diet (without talking about it). That is eat simple and don't make a brouhaha about needing to eat better to be thinner. Just eat better to eat better. Just work the body because it needs to be worked regardless of whether it slims her or not.

Edited February 16, 2011 by LG Gone Wild

[Barry Goldwater]

I have a good mom...but.

 

My mom made 2 mistakes.

 

She made desserts/treats way to available - deadly for a bored, latch-key kid!

and

 

She used food to express love...

 

I started sports in High School, which helped, ran 100 mi/week through college, married a woman that doesn't care about cooking or food...that helped a lot!!

 

I have always battled weight gain, usually successfully. But the food was different back then.

 

It's harder today. High fructose corn syrup is in everything, and that makes many people put on weight AND crave food...I eliminated HFCS from my diet a few years ago, and managing my weight is no longer a problem at all.

 

I would suggest trying to eliminate all fruity drinks/juices, store-bought bread, anything processed...chips, pre-cooked stuff, etc. AND don't dwell on it...she knows she's heavy.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

but I come from a family of obese people and I feared my own child would be obese too.

 

My biggest regret as a parent is how I treated him while he was going through his prepubescent chubby stage. I could not see it as a "stage" and let my own fear of him turning into an obese teen/adult turn me into the mother from hell. Ranting and raving over his eating choices. Making both of us miserable.

 

He has slimmed down and now makes pretty good food choices. I have apologized to him for how I treated him. It makes me cry to think about it.

 

I'm so glad you are seeking advice here. Hugs to you.:grouphug:

 

K

[bookfiend]

We are working on moving together as a family. I think it is important for it to be a family culture to be active and eat well, not special food and extra activity for one child because they are heavy. You can say a lot without saying a thing (both to the positive and to the negative.)

[joannqn]

I was overweight from about 5th/6th grade on. I wasn't horribly overweight but I got teased about it a bit in middle school. I wore a size 13/14, which back then was bigger than it is now, I think.

 

My parents did nothing about weight. I grew up on Ding Dongs, Twinkies, Zingers, Oreos (Dad and I would polish off an entire package together sometimes), boxed cakes, cookies...it was always in the house.

 

In high school, I lost some of it because of JROTC. I was in an extracurricular club that required us to exercise (military style) and run so we were fit enough to rock climb, hike, rappel. I was one of the few girls in the group and in the worst shape. I was in the best shape of my life during the 1 1/2 semesters I went to college (ROTC again). But I've struggled with my weight ever since getting married and having kids. I'm 60-70 pounds overweight now.

 

My 9 year old son is now overweight too. It wasn't a problem until the last 6 months. Prior to that, he took 8-10 hours a week of taekwondo, which was enough activity to keep up with his appetite. We switched schools, and they only allow 3 hours a week. But, he hasn't changed his appetite. Yes, we eat desserts regularly, but his/our biggest issue is overeating the breakfasts and dinners that we love. All of us tend to pack in way too much food when I make a favorite.

 

Since DH is also overweight, we are working on it together as a family. I cannot do away with dessert; it makes me feel deprived and I get depressed. Instead, we are focusing on being healthier with our portion sizes and working on finding ways/time to be more active.

[lovinmyboys]

I really like Ellyn Satter's approach. http://www.ellynsatter.com/ She basically says that you are in charge of offering the food (the what and when) and the child is in charge of how much. So, you have set times to eat, you provide the food, and the child chooses how much to eat. No grazing or eating in front of the tv. The goal is for a child to have a healthy weight for her (which might be heavier than "average") and to learn to trust her body's hunger cues. Also, she is very insistent on family meal times. Everyone eats together (the same food) and you model good food habits. She suggests offering 3-4 foods per meal. Drinks are milk and water (for everyone). Also, offer desserts with the meal. Everyone can have as much as they want from any food-but just one portion of dessert. She emphasizes offering a variety of foods-including "forbidden" ones. Pair foods that the child likes with new foods. Snacks are "small meals" and are eaten at the table. Don't draw attention to her weight.

 

My youngest BIL was really overweight as a child. I don't think his parents did anything really, but he is now over 6 feet tall-stocky, but not overweight. A very handsome high school senior.

[regentrude]

I think the best way to help your child is to encourage physical activity and make it something the family does together - not something she has to do because she is overweight. We hiked with our kids every weekend; at age 7, they were expected to walk 5-6 miles. I also spent several hours outside with them every afternoon, going to the park, or biking, or just playing ball in the yard.

 

Diet changes also should be a thing for the whole family. As the mom, you are in charge of food - so it will be easy for you to control what comes into the house. I'd make sure not to single her out - everybody gets to eat fresh fruit and veggies, and no processed junk. Not just she. It should not be a punishment, but a positive change that will be sustainable for years, not a quick fix.

 

I have no experience with being overweight as a child - but I could imagine the best way is to take the appropriate steps for the whole family and not make it an issue specifically for her.

[TN Mama]

I think the best way to help your child is to encourage physical activity and make it something the family does together - not something she has to do because she is overweight. We hiked with our kids every weekend; at age 7, they were expected to walk 5-6 miles. I also spent several hours outside with them every afternoon, going to the park, or biking, or just playing ball in the yard.

 

Diet changes also should be a thing for the whole family. As the mom, you are in charge of food - so it will be easy for you to control what comes into the house. I'd make sure not to single her out - everybody gets to eat fresh fruit and veggies, and no processed junk. Not just she. It should not be a punishment, but a positive change that will be sustainable for years, not a quick fix.

 

I have no experience with being overweight as a child - but I could imagine the best way is to take the appropriate steps for the whole family and not make it an issue specifically for her.

 

:iagree: Yes, yes, yes! I have written and re-written my response to this thread at least three times. Please don't single her out (not saying that you are). I have been overweight my entire life. It was not pleasant in my house as the only overweight child. Rules were different for me than the others in the house. So when I was on my own, I broke every "rule" because I could. Over the past year I have been working very hard to make changes in my diet and I've really enjoyed the results. I only wish I started before now.

 

My greatest fear is that I will foster unhealthy eating habits in my children. We don't do fast food anymore, aside from the occasional Chick-Fil-A. I've gotten rid of most processed food. It's a process... that's for sure.

[LisaKinVA]

I have five children. They all are built very differently. Two are so thin (and I mean THIN), you'd think I didn't feed them stomach muscles are evident. Two are more muscular, with a bit of fat... but still not overweight, they are also the most active. One is two... she weighs 24# is baby-chubby, but considered underweight for her height (she's not tall, either), she is built a lot like her older sister who is a stick.

 

I've been overweight since the birth of my first child. About 20# My dh is about 30# overweight. I know what my problem is, and I know how to fix it. I also know that if I don't change, the liklihood is that my children will never really know how to eat healthfully.

 

So, we have made it a family plan. It's not a "diet" per-se. It's a lifestyle change. My dh and I are changing the family's lifestyle.

 

We are changing the foods we eat. My husband feels like he's never eaten more. The menus are planned and regular. People look at us and say, "your kids eat vegetables? RAW?" Yup. In fact, just yesterday, my "eats like a bird" 4yo was asking me how much she needed to eat to be "done" with lunch. I told her she needed to finish her salad, but only needed to eat half a hot dog (yes, we still have hot dogs!). Would you believe she cheered, "YAY, only HALF a hot dog!" :lol:

 

My children are not strange... it's just this is now how our family eats. There are no "tabu" foods. We still enjoy pizza (even the frozen kind), I still serve pasta (whole wheat), rice, and <gasp> potatoes... but we definitely have more of a "low carb" lifestyle.

 

But in our family, it started with us. No one is singled out. All of us do better with about 6 eating times a day... but it is all planned into an overall daily/weekly/monthly menu.

 

This is probably the ONE thing my parents could have done for me. IMO, "diet" is a dirty word. Oh, and don't "tell your child" to exercise... go for a walk with her... don't send her outside to play... grab a soccer ball and run around outside with her. The more this is a part of the family routine, the more it is accepted and "normal."

Edited February 16, 2011 by LisaK in VA

[HeathenMom]

do you feel good about how your parents handled it?

 

No, ignoring is not handling.

 

What did they do right?

 

they got me into some sports once i hit puberty, but it didn't help.

 

What did they do wrong?

 

they took the stance that i would take care of it when i was ready to deal with it, which i did (which i believe is more a testament to my character than their good parenting decision), but i have struggled with my weight my entire life. they did not provide any honesty or education.

 

When did you become overweight?

 

probably 2nd grade. i was dreading the PE weigh-in by 3rd grade, for sure.

 

How do you wish things had been handled?

 

there was always junk food around and i was allowed free reign of the kitchen. i wish they had acknowledged the problem and taken steps to help me. instead of stocking the kitchen with cookies, donuts, and sodas, telling me that eating those things were what was causing the problem would have been nice.

 

 

Did you grow into your weight as a child (e.g. got taller, weight stayed the same, so no longer overweight)?

 

i have struggled with my weight constantly. i have been at my ideal weight for a few years now, but it was through very hard work and educating myself. it is still a struggle because i feel like the 'fat me' is always right around the corner waiting to take over again.

 

Are you still overweight? If you are, do you see a connection between how your family handled your childhood weight issues?

 

i am not overweight, but i had to lose 140 pounds to get to this place. and yes, the weight was most certianly related to childhood weight issues.

[Little Nyssa]

:bigear:

Struggling with this with DD4. She was so sad because her BF called her fat. :confused::sad:

[JennyD]

I really like Ellyn Satter's approach. http://www.ellynsatter.com/ She basically says that you are in charge of offering the food (the what and when) and the child is in charge of how much. So, you have set times to eat, you provide the food, and the child chooses how much to eat. No grazing or eating in front of the tv. The goal is for a child to have a healthy weight for her (which might be heavier than "average") and to learn to trust her body's hunger cues. Also, she is very insistent on family meal times. Everyone eats together (the same food) and you model good food habits. She suggests offering 3-4 foods per meal. Drinks are milk and water (for everyone). Also, offer desserts with the meal. Everyone can have as much as they want from any food-but just one portion of dessert. She emphasizes offering a variety of foods-including "forbidden" ones. Pair foods that the child likes with new foods. Snacks are "small meals" and are eaten at the table. Don't draw attention to her weight.

 

My youngest BIL was really overweight as a child. I don't think his parents did anything really, but he is now over 6 feet tall-stocky, but not overweight. A very handsome high school senior.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with the Ellyn Satter recommendation. Love her. I find most parenting books to be useless at best, but hers are a rare exception.

 

And also, :grouphug: I don't have personal experience with this issue, but the whole weight thing is so fraught and value-laden, and it all seems to get ramped up a thousandfold when it comes to children.

[Jann in TX]

My middle dd was an overweight child (and still is).

She was a preemie (34 weeker) and still weighed almost 7 lbs at birth!

She was in critical condition with RSV at 2 months and STILL GAINED weight in the hospital.

She was 25 lbs at one year -- her 3.5 yr old sister was only 23 lbs and had the OPPOSITE PROBLEM--she was too thin!

 

Grandparents were merciless-- they kept giving her cousins cookies and REFUSING to give my dd any because 'she did not need the extra calories!!!

Needless to say dd does NOT have a relationship with those grandparents even to this day...

 

DD was a VERY ACTIVE child--into all sorts of sports.... she ate the SAME amount of food as her older sister-- but her older sister was always 'thin' (and under weight!).

 

Friends, family, strangers and even Drs were ALWAYS willing to give me advice about how to curb dd's weight problem-- and most of the time they did not care if dd was in earshot!:banghead:

 

It turns out that my dd has a thyroid (and now an adrenal) disorder!

Oldest dd was a 'failure to thrive' child and she is just now at ate 20 having to be cautious of what she eats (up until now she could eat ANYTHING and not gain).

 

My middle dd has LOTS of self-esteem issues due to her treatment by OTHERS as a slightly 'overweight' child/teen. She is NOT obese--but is definitely overweight... she exercises 2-3 HOURS each day... and she eats a very reasonable diet!

[Storm Bay]

Hooray for you for asking these questions. My parents broke the pattern of overweight adults in their family (mostly--neither is medically obese, although my mother has been overweight for years starting in her 40s or so, but her mother was obese for years. My dad stayed trim until he was over 70 but is still not medically obese) know someone who had the same thing happen to her dd, and didn't act because her weight and height were the same percentile, which at to top levels isn't usually wise, as your bmi can still be unhealthy. Many have already mentioned the part phsycial activity about ensuring healty veggies & fruit, reducing fattening, empty calories.

 

Some things I'd like to add, which I have done with my dc since they were tiny that have kept my dc slim (I wasn't overweight myself, but have a db who was but who has taken good care of himself all of his adult life)

 

1. Regular, adequate sleep. I just read about a study done on this.

 

2. Be sure that every meal has enough protein and enough (but not too much) fat. Fat is what helps you feel full/satisfied. Adequate protein helps curb hunger in between meals. Note that one of the health risks vegans & vegetarians run is being overweight.

 

I bring this up because my parents

 

I made sure that their snacks were never just carbs, even if they were helpful ones, unless it was a piece of fruit. When my dc were at the age where they needed snacks, I made sure to have protein in them as much as I could.

 

3. No eating in front of the TV, which my dc seldom watch. The most my youner two have ever watched on a regular basis was 30-60 min a day when ds and my melld was little and dd was in ps (K-2 so that I could take a shower, etc, in peace). I limit TV and computer to this day, for many reasons.

 

All my dc are now on a swim team, but when they were 7 it was playing outdoors, swim lessons and various other activities depending on the dc. I should add that there are a number of dc on the swim team with weight issues (none are too skinny on the swim team). Around here you see that in any sport, so eating & sleeping well are also important.

 

I do want to say that I have never made a big deal about my weight, even if I've been overweight. I just reduce my intake and don't count calories (I confess that I never had trouble with weight until I was over 35).

Edited February 16, 2011 by Karin

[Susan C.]

Both dh and I, and dd and ds were pudgy late elem. school age. Then we grew out of it. Kids and I are thin, dh could stand to lose 20 lbs.

 

Growing up, my family ate food as recreation... both of my parents, about 30 lbs. overweight. My sister is quite overweight. On dh side of the family, there are some large hips in the women, dd is scared she might take after them. So, she has taken it upon herself to exercise regularly and watch what she eats. She was starting to kind of look like the relatives, but got ahead of it. I would have loved her either way, but I think me being thin had her wanting to not be overweight. Her friends make fun of her for eating healthy, though. She just tells me about it and although she probably wishes they hadn't said anything, she won't eat junk just because they are pressuring her to.

 

I love organic healthy foods. I can't handle a lot of milk products, and a lot of carb foods make me feel sluggish. So, I am a big salad eater. Instead of making a sandwich, I throw the meat over a salad. I have memories of my kids wanting some of my salad as toddlers. So, kids do eat like their families and what is around the house. We don't eat a lot of processed foods, I rarely have chips, crackers, store bought cookies in the house. Also, we eat fat! Shock! It satisfies, and helps you make it to the next meal without starving. Healthy fats, olive oil salad dressings, organic whole milk, organic butter, dark meat organic chicken, cheese, organic peanut butter. So, we rarely even need snacks, because we are not hungry until meal time.

 

We did do swim team for three months when both dc were in the pudgy stage, and the weight fell off. So regular exercise is important.

 

HTH!

Edited February 16, 2011 by Susan C.
added

[In the Rain]

.. We were allowed to eat what we wanted, and activity wasn't really encouraged. (Lots of TV time for us as kids.)

 

If I had been my mom, I would like to think that I would have made a point of changing the food available to me. More fruits & veggies, less ice cream & Kraft Mac & Cheese. Also would be encouraging about physical activity.

 

It sounds like you're on the right track with the physical activity... just watch snacks (don't forbid sweets or anything--she has plenty of time for her weight to even out)-- make sure she's getting enough healthy stuff that she doesn't want junk all the time.

 

ETA: I wouldn't mention it to her at all at this point.

 

I could have written your entire post, pretty much word for word. :sad: I wish I had been brought up eating differently. My deeply ingrained patterns of eating and comfort foods are SO unhealthy! :thumbdown: It is hard to make good choices when your brain is programmed to eat sweets and soda for breakfast, and chips as a snack.

 

I really hope my kids have a better concept of what is real food and should be eaten. I think I'm doing an okay job because they eat healthier than I do. :tongue_smilie:

[funschooler5]

:grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug:

 

We are struggling with this with my oldest DD. She is about 30lbs overweight. She's been overweight almost all of her life (there was a period from ages 5-7 where she "grew" into her weight).

 

Because there is such a difference between the way she feels about food compared to my younger two kids, I have to think that this is something she was born with. Even as a baby, she breastfed *constantly*, up until age 2 1/2. She was insatiable. Now, she tends to overdo portions, and she eats too fast. She doesn't drink pop or juice (doesn't even ask for it or crave it). All she drinks is water. We rarely have chips, ice cream, etc in the house (maybe once a month or so) but when we do, we don't restrict her from them. I keep fruit, vegetables, and popcorn on hand for snacks. It's just her portion sizes...she can eat more than DH or I at a meal, and is always finished eating before everyone at the table. We don't want to come down on her, or embarass her about her portions, (DH is overweight had a terrible time with his dad humiliating him as a child). I've just tried to tell her to slow down while eating, so her body can digest properly, and so we can all finish as a family. Lately, I've just been making sure to keep the dishes of food on the stove and dish everybody up myself, and also make sure everyone gets one portion of seconds. But, in the past couple of years, she has come to me and said she wanted to lose weight (she's starting the teen years now). I'm trying to be careful about how to do it, but who knows if I'm doing the right things. I've just been having her track her calories every once in awhile, not change her eating habits yet, but just to be aware of what she is eating. Also, for the past three weeks we've been doing an exercise DVD together five days a week (the weather here has been too bad to go outside). I've tried to keep the focus on getting fit...she is usually pretty sedentary. She has really improved her fitness (and so have I). In the beginning, both of us were very winded while doing any "jumping" exercise (jumping jacks, etc) and now we can both do them with no problem.

 

I really worry about giving her a complex about this. I've just been trying to keep the focus on both of us getting fit. Some days she doesn't want to exercise, but I remind her about the time we skipped three days in a row and how hard it was for both of us to get back into it. Once we get started, she's fine. It's just a really fine line for me to walk...I don't want to force her into doing anything, but I do want her to learn good habits now, so she'll be able to handle herself when she's grown and away from home. I'm just constantly worrying if I'm doing the right thing. :confused:

 

ETA: I am about 25lbs overweight right now. I was a sedentary kid ate junk food all of the time, and never exercised regularly until age 19. After that, I've gone up and down with my weight periodically, gaining and losing the same 20 lbs over and over.

Edited February 16, 2011 by funschooler5

[oasis]

... do you feel good about how your parents handled it?

 

NO

 

What did they do right?

 

Provided skates and a bicycle for exercise.

 

What did they do wrong?

 

Pointed out my weight; I remember the day my mom mentioned it to me. I've been overly self-conscious every since.

 

When did you become overweight?

 

Around 10 years old.

 

How do you wish things had been handled?

 

Not mentioning my weight to me; just providing healthier eating choices, and exercised with me without pointing out I needed more.

 

Did you grow into your weight as a child (e.g. got taller, weight stayed the same, so no longer overweight)?

 

For a while, when I was in my late teens, and I barely ate anything all day.

 

Are you still overweight? If you are, do you see a connection between how your family handled your childhood weight issues?

 

Yes, still overweight, but I found out I have thyroid issues, so I don't really think there's much of a connection with how my weight issues were handled. Last year my thyroid was totally removed, but I'm still overweight. The dr. had me on too low of a dose of Synthroid, and I actually gained weight after the surgery. Very frustrating! Trying to get everything evened out now that I'm finally on the correct dose.

 

I'm asking this because I'm at a loss how to manage this issue with my 7 yo. She's 20 lb overweight. Plus size pants are too small (all her weight is in her trunk). She's becoming more active, though. Just learned to ride her 2-wheeler (rides at least a mile a day usually), loves, to play outside with friends, does various dance/tumbling activities in the community, etc. I'm hoping that if I can just help her to *stop gaining* she'll naturally grow into her weight.

 

This stinks :( It's so hard to know how to help, because it's so easy to unintentionally HURT, kwim?

 

I definitely agree with other posters who mentioned not saying anything to her about the extra weight. I can't remember many days where I haven't focused on my weight since the day my mom said something to me.

 

Even when I thinned out in my late teens (from not eating at all), I always felt fat. I've never been happy with my weight since it was mentioned to me at 10 years old - never.

 

Good luck with your daughter; the best thing for me would've been to know that I was accepted, and people can actually love an overweight person.

 

I had the impression that I would never get anywhere (and would never be truly accepted) in life being overweight. Luckily, I've overcome that impression, and I'm actually the most successful (at least, in terms of salary) of my other siblings.

 

My husband has truly helped me have a more positive self-image, but I still have terrible self-consciousness issues. I'm really hoping my kids never have to deal with any of it. My husband and I try to not make weight an issue at all, and instead focus on being healthy.

 

:grouphug:

Edited February 16, 2011 by oasis

[bettyandbob]

I always thought I was overweight. Looking back I would have been a chubby kid from ages 9-12. I was a normal weight through high school and college. My family called me fat a lot. My mother especially. We didn't have tons of junk food around. However, my parents both worked full time (gone 7 am to 7pm). The kids did all the cooking, breakfast and dinner. So I knew my way around the kitchen and knew how to make junk. I eat when stressed. It's something I developed as a kid, not good. calling me fat just made me eat.

 

My dad made sure we did swim team every summer and somehow I thought I was supposed to do sports in high school so I did (my siblings did not, so I do not know how I got this). I kept up a good activity level and that was good. My dad's favorite leisure activity was bike riding. We did family rides and from that I started riding everywhere as a kid. I did not have a car until I graduated college. I rode my bike or took public transit to every activity or job. So, the positive they did was kind of a subconscious encouragement of physical activity.

[Robin's Song]

I remember being borderline overweight when I was in fourth grade. I didn't know why but I knew I needed to do something about it. I started exercising at home. I ran in place, jumping jacks, sit ups, etc... I don't remember ever weighing myself or changing my diet, just focusing on getting in shape. It was my "swan" summer :) It's a good thing I got my weight under control when I was young. I'm hypothyroid and have had 4 kids. If I had gone into it overweight...yikes...

 

I have two younger sisters and they are both overweight. They started out the same but never got it under control. My mom raised us on the Standard American Diet. We never drank soda because mom didn't have it in the house, but we drank a **LOT** of sweet tea. Little Debbies after school every day, sugary cereal for breakfast. ((Shudder))

 

I don't push formal exercise or dieting. I do talk to my kids informally about healthy choices (seconds of veggies if still hungry, why we only eat 1-2 pieces of pizza and not 5, why we need to drink plenty of water, why we only have dessert *sometimes*, etc..) Some things I don't have to talk about because they are a SOP at our house. I don't have to lecture about too much tv/computer/game time because we don't really do those things. I don't have to make the kids exercise because they love to go for walks, ride bikes, jump on the trampoline, etc... I don't have to limit the juice they drink because I don't really keep it in the house. I let my dd3 have OJ in the morning (for the calcium)because she is allergic to milk products. We have taught her portion sizes by only buying a half gallon every 2 weeks. If she wants OJ every morning then she can only have half of a small glass. She has now learned self-control in this area. For a few weeks she would drink 1-2 glasses and be upset when she ran out before our next shopping trip. Of course, we only gave her this freedom in this ONE AREA. I wouldn't give her free reign with food/drinks and expect her to make good choices.

 

Do you have relatives who are sabotaging your efforts? My dh does that sometimes. He doesn't eat veggies and buys a ton of snacky junk. Of course, he has no problem with his weight :glare: He doesn't think it is strange to have sweets daily. His mom sends 6-7 boxes of gummie snacks (ick!) home with us every time we visit. Anyways, that might be something you have to get under control. I talked to my dh about the kids health and he's mostly on board now.Are you modeling good choices? Do you make them ask for snacks? I still make my kids ask for snacks so I can monitor what they are eating. I won't do this when they are older and have a track record of self-control and making good choices.

 

Anyways, I hope this didn't come off as **I have it all together**. I'm just throwing out a few things that have worked for us and hopefully you can find something useful in all of it :D

[RayDad]

I applaud you for posting this.

As parents we are in control of the foods/drinks we keep in the house.

You cant snack on chips or other junk food when there is none in the house.

We always have apples, oranges, bananas and frozen blueberries in our house. We keep them on the counter in plane sight. If the kids ask for them they get them unless it it right before a meal and then the only reason we say no is because we want them to eat the meal we just prepared.

Eating healthy is good for all members of the family not just the overweight ones. I would not say anything to a child about his/her weight I would just make changes that will result in the outcome I am looking for. Our family goes on walks together. When its nice we go hiking. Hiking can take care of a lot of homeschooling all at once. PE, Science, Journaling, etc.

You can do this and from the looks of it you will.

[Alicia64]

I was heavy as a kid and finally in my 30's got serious with Weight Watchers. People now think I'm naturally skinney even as I try to explain.

 

I also have a chunky seven year old. And the other is super skinny.

 

I watch the snacks. We don't do juice or chips. I don't make a deal out of it. I tell him that he's growing to grow tall and be a handsome man -- he will. He'll likely be 6'3. Even his calves and feet are just huge.

 

He starts soccer next month and I'm hoping that will help. But he runs around a lot as it is, so I don't know.

 

I'd suggest swim team or something like it.

 

I don't make a big deal about my eating or weight.

 

I'm sick today. . . hope my rambling helps.

 

Alley

[PiCO]

If you were an overweight child... do you feel good about how your parents handled it?

For the most part my parents were fine. My gymnastics coaches are another story... there was not much information on eating disorders and sports nutrition available back then.

 

What did they do right?

Parents- kept healthy food around, mom fed us healthy meals. Encouraged lots of activity.

 

What did they do wrong?

Lack of education about nutrition and how the body works.

 

When did you become overweight?

I was a chubby child until I got on gymnastics team. My coach told my mom I could be on the team if I lost 5 lbs (I was 9.) My mom didn't tell me that until I was older- I got a stomach flu and lost the weight, and got on team.

 

How do you wish things had been handled?

I wish I had been taught basic nutrition, and not completely ruined my metabolism as a teen by starving myself.

 

Did you grow into your weight as a child (e.g. got taller, weight stayed the same, so no longer overweight)?

I was not overweight until I stopped exercising. I did triathalons for a while after gymnastics, but when I stopped the weight slowly crept on. I have a hard time dieting in a healthy manner due to past binging & purging, and emotional issues tied to food.

 

Are you still overweight? If you are, do you see a connection between how your family handled your childhood weight issues?

Yes, I am still overweight. My children are not. I have talked to them about my former problems with food, and I have had adults with healthier food attitudes talk to them about the importance of diet, exercise, life balance, etc. We are going to a nutrition seminar at dd's gymnastics club tonight.

 

I'm asking this because I'm at a loss how to manage this issue with my 7 yo. She's 20 lb overweight. Plus size pants are too small (all her weight is in her trunk). She's becoming more active, though. Just learned to ride her 2-wheeler (rides at least a mile a day usually), loves, to play outside with friends, does various dance/tumbling activities in the community, etc. I'm hoping that if I can just help her to *stop gaining* she'll naturally grow into her weight.

I think you have had a lot of great advise here. Stay active, provide healthy food, model healthy food behavior. I think you should keep an eye on her, because I have heard that having all your weight in your trunk can be a sign of metabolic issues.

[JessReplanted]

I have been overweight my whole life, and although my parents meant well, they handled it horribly. They made me feel terrible about myself, they forbid me from eating many foods (which only made me want them more), and they made my weight the defining issue of my life. "Fat" was bad, which meant that I was bad b/c I was fat. :(

 

I don't know about your daughter, but I know that I needed their time and positive attention.

 

I would encourage you to make 'health' a family goal. Eat healthy as a family. Be active together as a family. Enjoy treats in moderation as a family. If you are consistently focusing on filling your daughter's 'love tank' then she will be healthier in the long run.

[Dawn in OH]

... do you feel good about how your parents handled it?

 

I was over weight only for a brief period of time, shortly before puberty. My parents handled it very BADLY.

 

What did they do right?

 

They cared, which is a good thing. I think many parents don't notice, or don't care. They took the initiate to "help" me, but they went about it all wrong.

 

What did they do wrong?

 

They humiliated me at home. They called me fat. They made me exercise with a Richard Simmons video every day. They watched me exercise. They told me I was doing it wrong. They told me I wasn't working hard enough. They outlined my body on butcher paper and hung it on the wall. They didn't stress the importance of eating healthy and exercising, they focused too much on how I looked.

 

 

When did you become overweight?

 

About age 10.

 

How do you wish things had been handled?

 

First of all, it would have been helpful if my parents had known that girls sometimes chunk out a bit before puberty. My parents were very young parents, and I think they didn't understand why I had gained weight.

 

I wish they had been more loving and gentle about it. The humiliation tactic (one my Step Dad is very fond of) was not a good approach. I've been very self concious about my weight ever since.

 

 

Did you grow into your weight as a child (e.g. got taller, weight stayed the same, so no longer overweight)?

 

I lost the weight, and ended up a 12 year old that looked like she was 17. I was all hips and breasts. (see next answer)

 

Are you still overweight? If you are, do you see a connection between how your family handled your childhood weight issues?

 

I am currently 15 lbs overweight, but it has nothing to do with that situation. I am currently overweight due to not being as physically active as I used to be and still carrying some baby weight from the last two babies.

 

I spent many years with an eating disorder. I'm not going to be childish and blame that on my parents, but I do think that their treatment of me contributed to it to some degree. They called me fat, and I began to see myself as fat. I couldn't stop seeing myself as fat no matter how thin I was. They put too much emphasis on how I looked rather than focusing on healthy habits, good nutrition, knowing when you have had enough to eat, and the correlation between calories in and calories out. I began to equate looking good with being loved.

 

In our house we talk about the importance of eating a healthy balanced diet. We eat very little junk food. We limit desserts and candy. We have explained to the children WHY we eat this way. When reaching for seconds we always ask if the kids are hungry or just eating more because it tastes good. My husband often makes the mistake of eating more of something because it tastes good. We continually discuss how foods affect our bodies. We talk about why it's important to get plenty of exercise.

 

Is it possible that your daughter is coming up on a growth spurt? My children usually put on a few pounds shortly before getting taller. Also, it's the end of winter, now that the weather is warming up she will get more exercise outside and possibly lose some of the weight. I don't know if your family drinks juice, soda, and Kool Aid, but those things are all empty calories and loaded with sugar. I would suggest opting for water instead. Don't forget to check the ingredients on your food labels. A lot of foods today are loaded with sugar/High Fructose Corn Syrup. Most people are consuming more sweetener than they should. You can put more emphasis on vegetables and offer less potatoes, rice, and pastas. If you don't single her out and make the rules apply to the whole family that would avoid any hard feelings.

[shinyhappypeople]

Wow. Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences. It has given me a lot to think about.

 

The assumption that I'm feeding my kids chips/soda/candy/cookies frequently is frustrating. I don't. Just wanted to clear that up.

 

I think there's a definite genetic predisposition to obesity. We adopted her as an infant and almost every woman in her birthfamily is morbidly obese and I think that some of them are diabetic (type 2). That's why I'm so scared for her. That's why even though she's only 7, I'm taking this very, very seriously.

 

Her old ped retired and I need to find a new one and discuss the possibility of a medical issue contributing to her weight gain. She's gained about 15 lb between June and Oct/Nov. That's A LOT by anyone's standards, which makes me wonder if there's something else going on. At the very least I can cross it off my worry-list.

 

DD's a potato/carb addict. I literally cannot keep potatoes in the house at all, or she'll BEG day after to day to have a baked potato for breakfast and lunch. Same thing with pasta. SO FRUSTRATING. I've told her she can have ONE potato a week and ONE pasta lunch. This has helped somewhat. She still gets her favorite foods, but (hopefully) not too much. I hate feeling like the food warden, but if I didn't do this she'd continue gaining weight.

 

When the trigger foods are under control, she eats more variety (turkey sandwiches, fruit, smoothies, etc.) She tends not to get a lot of protein. I can offer it till the cows come home, but I can't force her to eat what I offer. She gets most of her protein from eggs and avoids most other types. Turkey lunchmeat is okay sometimes. She usually just picks at chicken (unless it's fried :tongue_smilie: sometimes dino nuggets are okay). Pork is usually rejected, unless it's pepperoni (sigh).

 

So basically she craves refined carbs, saturated fat, salt and sugar.

 

I'm sharing all that not so that I can be judged, but maybe it will sound familiar to someone here and they can offer some btdt advice.

 

Again, the idea that I'm feeding my kids *so much worse* than parents of thinner kids is insulting... my younger DD is a normal weight, so it's not what I'm feeding them so much as how older DD's body is processing the food.

[JennyD]

. They outlined my body on butcher paper and hung it on the wall.

 

This just breaks my heart. As do some of the other stories on this thread.

[Barry Goldwater]

DD's a potato/carb addict. I literally cannot keep potatoes in the house at all, or she'll BEG day after to day to have a baked potato for breakfast and lunch. Same thing with pasta. SO FRUSTRATING. I've told her she can have ONE potato a week and ONE pasta lunch. This has helped somewhat. She still gets her favorite foods, but (hopefully) not too much. I hate feeling like the food warden, but if I didn't do this she'd continue gaining weight.

 

Again, the idea that I'm feeding my kids *so much worse* than parents of thinner kids is insulting... my younger DD is a normal weight, so it's not what I'm feeding them so much as how older DD's body is processing the food.

 

No judgement here...just tryin' to help. Have you ever tried 'completely cold turkey' cut-off of chips/potatoes/pasta?

 

It's a little like breaking a chemical addition...if she can stay away from the carbs for approx a week, she might see the cravings wane...but she'll be miserable during the 'withdrawal' period (I know I was!).

 

My dd#2 was really into the chips/crackers etc. at around age 5...we cut them out and now she doesn't care for them and she's a good weight. But she is going to be like me...needing to be diligent to avoid unhealthy weight gain.

 

dds# 1 and 3 eat like truck drivers and never gain a pound...:tongue_smilie: Body chemistries vary, even within genetic samples...but given your DD's birth family history, your concern is very warranted...family history is No. 1 risk factor with respect to heart/circulation/diabetes issues.

 

Good luck...

[Barry Goldwater]

They outlined my body on butcher paper and hung it on the wall. [/color]

 

That's rough...my older brothers used to do that, but just with my head - somehow my head always came out the size of a golf ball on paper (see how small your brain is?!?) Ah, brothers...

[JessReplanted]

I can definitely relate to the carb-addiction aspect of what your daughter is going through. I recently started seeing a 'natural' Dr. from our church. He believes that we crave the things that we are allergic too - these are the things that our body does not process correctly. He told me to stop drinking milk, eating white flour & white sugar. I'm trying to make changes, but I know I'm not doing it perfectly yet.

 

I'm eating fruit (& maybe a Kashi bar) for breakfast. Lunch is a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread with fruit. And then I'm trying make dinner mostly veggies & protein (not easy!). I know it helps me to be able to work some sweet things into my life - like the fruit, coffee :blush:, tea in the evening, and gum if I need a distraction. Oh, and I'm using almond or soy milk.

 

Other suggestions would be: having set meal/snack times, have everyone eat the same 'healthy' food, letting her have gum after lunch, and then have an 'activity' ready so that it is clear that it is time to move away from eating and on to something else.

 

And yet at the same time, continue building your daughter's confidence by letting her know that she is loved and accepted by you. She may have a life long battle with weight, but how she deals and with and how she feels about herself will be determined by how your family deals with it now. :grouphug:

[Dawn in OH]

 

DD's a potato/carb addict. I literally cannot keep potatoes in the house at all, or she'll BEG day after to day to have a baked potato for breakfast and lunch. Same thing with pasta. SO FRUSTRATING. I've told her she can have ONE potato a week and ONE pasta lunch. This has helped somewhat. She still gets her favorite foods, but (hopefully) not too much. I hate feeling like the food warden, but if I didn't do this she'd continue gaining weight.

 

When the trigger foods are under control, she eats more variety (turkey sandwiches, fruit, smoothies, etc.) She tends not to get a lot of protein. I can offer it till the cows come home, but I can't force her to eat what I offer. She gets most of her protein from eggs and avoids most other types. Turkey lunchmeat is okay sometimes. She usually just picks at chicken (unless it's fried :tongue_smilie: sometimes dino nuggets are okay). Pork is usually rejected, unless it's pepperoni (sigh).

 

So basically she craves refined carbs, saturated fat, salt and sugar.

 

 

 

 

Did you read the thread about craving carbs? It might be helpful for you. Females tend to crave carbs. Sometimes craving carbs is the sign of a hormonal imbalance. She could have a yeast build up that causes the cravings. There are lots of possibilities.

 

As someone who cut back on refined foods (sugars, carbs, potatoes) in the past few year years I can tell you that I no longer crave them like I used to. The first few weeks were hard, but I was okay as long as I did not have access to those foods. Over time the cravings decreased. In fact, now I never crave them, not even during my cycles.

 

I know you cannot "make" your child eat the proteins, but you can offer only the foods you want her to eat. When she's hungry she will choose to eat those over going hungry. I know, some people will think that's cruel. But this is what all parents are told when they say things like, "My child will only eat Fruit Loops." You just stop offering the Fruit Loops. The foods that were once rejected suddenly become edible when they are the only choice.

 

Given the information you have provided about your daughter's family history, it would probably be best if you did see a doctor. A doctor may be able to offer some insight.

 

If your daughter really wants pasta, offer her whole wheat pasta, and stick to the appropriate serving size. Find a way to work some proteins and veggies into the pasta dish. If she really wants a potato, try a sweet potato instead. These are healthier versions of her much loved foods.

 

Believe me, I am in no way judging you. I don't come to these forums to judge. I'm only trying to help based on my own experiences and my food knowledge.

[Storm Bay]

The assumption that I'm feeding my kids chips/soda/candy/cookies frequently is frustrating. I don't. Just wanted to clear that up.

 

I think there's a definite genetic predisposition to obesity. We adopted her as an infant and almost every woman in her birthfamily is morbidly obese and I think that some of them are diabetic (type 2).

 

DD's a potato/carb addict. I literally cannot keep potatoes in the house at all, or she'll BEG day after to day to have a baked potato for breakfast and lunch. Same thing with pasta. SO FRUSTRATING. I've told her she can have ONE potato a week and ONE pasta lunch. This has helped somewhat. She still gets her favorite foods, but (hopefully) not too much. I hate

 

She tends not to get a lot of protein. I can offer it till the cows come home, but I can't force her to eat what I offer. She gets most of her protein from eggs and avoids most other types. Again, the idea that I'm feeding my kids *so much worse* than parents of thinner kids is insulting... my younger DD is a normal weight, so it's not what I'm feeding them so much as how older DD's body is processing the food.

 

Actually, I didn't assume that you were feeding her lots of junk, but always mention that part of it if I have no idea what people are feeding their dc.

 

As for protein, there are ways to sneak that into her diet, but it does take a lot of work. I have had to sneak veggies into my ds's diet when he was younger, and often did it in baking. I baked with whole grains, which helps, and you may also do this.

 

There are bean flours that you may be able to add to things you bake, particularly whole grain things that will help with getting the right balance of amino acids for proteins. Bob's Red Mill has at least one gluten free baking mix with bean flour in it (as do some other companies) but I'm not sure of the proportions or the quality of protein in those (but if you use egg and milk with it, that helps). My grandmother used to make a stuffed roll with meat in it--it's called a piroshki and we loved them. Or, if she loves any type of sauce that is good for her (eg tomato sauce) are you able to get her to eat meat in that? Will she eat beans in a casserole?

 

Of course, these are ideas that may or may not work for you.

 

Did you read the thread about craving carbs? It might be helpful for you. Females tend to crave carbs. Sometimes craving carbs is the sign of a hormonal imbalance. She could have a yeast build up that causes the cravings. There are lots of possibilities.

 

I know you cannot "make" your child eat the proteins, but you can offer only the foods you want her to eat. When she's hungry she will choose to eat those over going hungry. I know, some people will think that's cruel.

 

This could work and is worth a try. It failed with my eldest when I tried this when she was about 8 and she lost weight she didn't need to lose, so I had to back off, but I wasnt one to buy white bread or Fruit Loops, either.

 

If your daughter really wants pasta, offer her whole wheat pasta, and stick to the appropriate serving size. Find a way to work some proteins and veggies into the pasta dish. If she really wants a potato, try a sweet potato instead. These are healthier versions of her much loved foods.

 

Believe me, I am in no way judging you. I don't come to these forums to judge. I'm only trying to help based on my own experiences and my food knowledge.

:iagree:

[iona]

This is an old thread, but I am curious about how things are working out.

 

My oldest, nine now, has always been big but is also very overweight. I am working on trying to help him but am at a loss. He just eats great volumes of food and I feel like the food police. Always having to tell him to stop. I just wish there was another way. Any more ideas?

[dbmamaz]

huh, didnt see this before.  I have one kid who is overweight due to meds.  He also has very poor self control.  I have worked and worked on it in various ways, but always making it clear that the weight is due to the meds, and the best we can do is aim for good habits.  I stopped having sweets in the house regularly, except for marshmallows - low fat, boring way to satisfy sugar cravings.  no one likes them enough to gorge.  I work on portion control, work on having favorite light snacks around (he loves baby carrots and oranges and aside from the cost of oranges, we try not to limit those).  He's 17 now and at times he's tracked what he ate on an app, which helped some, and he's back to measuring his cereal.  We make a point of, when we DO have sweets, he is aware of how they will be split among the family so he doesnt gorge on them.  For him, tho, there are so many factors.  I also am able to say i'd rather have him chubby than suicidal!  And they do martial arts and we walk the dog daily and i try to make him do additional wii fit but always forget . . . we're aiming for lifestyle . . not ignoring, not shaming . .  

[shinyhappypeople]

This is an old thread, but I am curious about how things are working out.

 

My oldest, nine now, has always been big but is also very overweight. I am working on trying to help him but am at a loss. He just eats great volumes of food and I feel like the food police. Always having to tell him to stop. I just wish there was another way. Any more ideas?

DD's 10 now.  She's still big, probably always will be, but as she's getting taller (almost 5') it's become less of an issue, at least from a practical standpoint.  We can finally find clothes for her that are cute and fit (yay juniors sizes!).  The clothing thing is actually a very big deal.

 

She's still in dance classes and does sports off and on.  

 

She still loves (loves, loves, loves) pasta and potatoes, but things are more under control with that.  For almost a year, I think, we didn't keep potatoes in the house at all, and pasta was strictly rationed.  That did help. 

 

The holidays are hard.  There's so much sugar and candy passed around. 

 

My next goal is helping her find positive alternatives to screens.  In the past 6 mos. or so she's started binging on Dr. Who and, she's also discovered youtube (sigh) and spends waaaaay too much time watching 1D videos.  

 

But, one step at a time.  One change at a time.  This is a marathon not a sprint, etc, etc. :)  I'm aiming for health, strength, flexibility and confidence. :)

[Peaceful Isle]

I was overweight from tenth grade through twelfth grade. It was because of solitude and depression. I had nothing else to do, but eat. Once I went off to college, and was away from a certain situation,the weight came off over the next few years.

After babies, I struggle with my weight, but nothing like I did in high school. I am not in the overweight category now, like I was then.

 

Shiny, I am glad your daughter is doing well. I think your attitude towards making her have a happy life is awesome!

[iona]

Thanks for checking back in. I am glad you guys are doing well.

I am wondering if we'll need to just hit portions hard and find ways to deal with grumpiness in the meantime until some of the good habits sink in.

I want my guy to make good choices for himself ultimately and come to understand if he just warns to eat more or if he is actually hungry. I hate that it is a battle. We are not going to be eating out as much this year so that should help.

[fdrinca]

Overweight as a kid, although mostly "overweight" in comparison to thin popular girls in high school. My younger sister and father were legitimately obese (my sister still is). My mother was very weird about food. I battled bulimia and anorexia in college and grad school. Lots of disordered eating in my family :(. My mother kept calling my sister's weight "baby fat," then suggested she'd "grow into it," but it's hard to see how a steady diet of potato chips and cookies leads to anything other than extra weight.

 

I really think if my mother had encouraged a more positive, healthy attitude around food, and had moderated our diets at all - especially in the early years - then it wouldn't have gotten so bad for everyone. She just didn't seem to want to parent around the hard stuff. We were never asked to stop eating cookie after cookie. I really remember eating entire boxes of cookies for snacks after school. There also was no effort to push us to be physically active, although I was such a book junkie that I'm not sure simple suggestion would have taken root. 

 

So, what do I wish she would have done differently? From a very early age, stock ONLY healthy food in the house, leaving cookies/chips for special treats at birthday parties, etc. Push us to physical activity daily by limiting screen time. I really think that would have been enough. 

 

As an example of the power of these two: my mother passed away 5 years ago. Within 2 years of her passing, my father lost 80 pounds because he stopped buying Coke and potato chips and cookies for himself. 

 

When I start to get frustrated by the wasted vegetables on the table, as my own little kids aren't so interested in the greens, I remind myself that these were absolutely absent from our dining table growing up. Our vegetables were iceberg lettuce, corn on the cob (in season), and tomato sauce. So sure, my 6 year old is eating a broccoli spear with a side of grumbling, but he's also growing up knowing that a range of vegetables are the core of every meal.

 

 

 

 

[EmilyGF]

This is a good thread for me. We've always been a "real food only" household, until recently. We moved to the midwest (from CA and MA) and junk food is *so* darn cheap here! Yesterday, hubby asked me to not bring anymore fake food into the house!

 

I was chubby growing up, mainly because of the easy availability of snacks. I try to moderate our snacking here. Real food takes energy to prepare.

 

I lost some weight in jr high/high school from activity, but I think activity alone leads to fat adults because no adult has time to work out 2 hours per day (OK, no normal adult). Most, but not all, of the super-active high school kids I know are overweight now because they learned to eat like an athlete.

 

I've been obsessive (!) about trying to have my kids not think about body weight, because I was obsessed with mine growing up, but I don't know if it is working.

 

Emily

[Hunter]

I was not overweight as a child, but I was told I was obese, and I believed that I was. To this day my siblings still believe I was fat as a child, despite there not being a single picture of me being anything other than a normal weight.

 

My ex-husband was obese, and my older son was overweight even as an infant. On just a diet of breast milk, he was 21 pounds at 4 months! I felt powerless to make our home a food healthy environment as my husband forbid that.

 

I didn't want my son to hate his body that way I still hate my body today. Through activity and doing my best to offer only healthy foods when dad wasn't around, my son was only slightly overweight from toddlerhood through early middle school, but I lost all control of his eating somewhere around 12 or 13. I just couldn't and wouldn't focus on his weight, the way he looked, or encourage him to diet. I was afraid of doing more harm than good.

 

In his later teens he lost some weight. When he moved to Las Vegas at 19, he lost all the extra weight, through bike riding through the desert (his only source of transportation) and semi-starvation (little extra cash and no one to cook for him). He has a put a few pounds back on when he started living the good life and married, but isn't overweight.

 

Weight issues are hard. Eating disorders are worse than being overweight. I wasn't uninterested or apathetic. I just loved him so much, and didn't want to hurt him.

 

We didn't have a lot of junk food in the house (we were too poor), and lots of other children ate more food and more junk than my son and were quite thin. But things could have been better if I'd had more power, and more money.

[VeteranMom]

I started to gain weight around age 10.  I was probably about 10-15 pounds overweight through my teens.  I watched my father behave poorly toward my older sister who was 4 years older and always nag her about her weight.  My dad is an alcoholic and control is still his middle name.  CPS should have been called on numerous occasions and his behavior (toward my sister and her weight issues) have impacted me and my sisters to this day.  My Mom had the role of "enabler" and allowed him to drag my sister to the scale when he'd catch her with something she shouldn't eat or find her diet pills.  I would say that my upbringing is how NOT to handle a child's weight issues.  I still have weight issues to this day and think I am less worthwhile when I have extra weight on my body.  I wish my parents had gotten me involved in youth sports instead of sitting in front of the t.v. every night.  I wish they had served healthier meals to us- not mashed potato/gravy type meals and kraft macaroni and cheese.  The weight and how I feel about myself is my problem now and I am recognizing that it's now about me figuring out how to overcome all that stuff that was put in my head at a young age and move forward.  I struggle with my own past, but I know I can do things much differently with my daughter.       

My advice is to not make an issue of it.  It's all about habits, I think, and you can help her form healthy habits and a positive outlook about her body that can impact her for the rest of her life.  I really don't think a 7 year old girl needs to have someone talking to her about her weight.  I do think that talking to her about how to live a healthy life is the best route to take. 

My own daughter, 12, has always had time periods when she is heavier than others.  She's one of those types of kids who has a very solid body type and has always been tall for her age- not at all fragile/dainty looking.  For eating out, we avoid McDonalds in favor of Subway and we talk about that choice.  When I go to the grocery store, we talk about the healthy foods she likes and when she asks for something that isn't as good for her I look at ways to control portion sizes (getting the small individual chip bags and allow one a day instead of buying the family size bags, etc).  We talk about food choices, too- not in terms of body weight, but in terms of what is going to offer a person the most nutrition for what they are eating.  My daughter has been on a swim team (I highly recommend this activity) and plays competitive basketball year round.  I got my kids active in youth sports at age 6 and they've been playing sports ever since.         

[momto2Cs]

Great and timely thread! I too have an overweight dd, also by about 20 pounds. I'm trying to encourage more physical activity - got her a bike and a new scooter for XMas, and she'll ride/scoot a lot every day now - and I'm trying to have everyone in the house eat more healthfully without making a big deal about it. I just finished reading Ending the Food Fight, by Dr. David Ludwig, and highly recommend it. He doesn't advocate cutting out any food groups or anything that drastic, just really healthy eating, whole foods, and good amounts of activity.

 

My dd's main problem is that she loves to eat, can eat a lot, and will eat if she gets bored. I've been really watching her snacking, and pushing more fruits and veggies as snacks instead of starchy foods. She loves fruits and veggies, so that seems to be working well. We're looking into maybe martial arts for her, or she might return to roller derby, which gives her another hour and a half each week of great physical training.

 

I was a little chunky myself growing up, and started dieting at 11 when I hit puberty. I've struggled with my weight ever since. I am planning to read Intuitive Eating, as soon as the library has it for me, as I would like to make peace with food rather than always be on one diet or another. I have actually declared that 2014 will be the year of NO diets, just mindful eating!

[Catherine]

I have one of three children, all boys, who is heavy. He has been since he was a toddler, and at 12 1\2, he seems to be a bit less heavy as he is well into his major growth spurt. He is definitely built like his father. But I have opted to NOT say anything about this, at all. He has been called fat by mean kids, and has said to me a number of times that I should put him on a diet, or show him how to be thinner. He is really on the border between normal and obese, so truly, not seriously overweight. I've responded to these requests by encouraging him to eat smaller portions, eat only when he is hungry, and stop eating when he isn't hungry anymore. In his case, the problem, such as it is, is portion size and just eating too much.

 

I cook from scratch a lot, and our diet is reasonably healthy, but I do have cookies and cake in the house often. I think learning moderation is important. He is also quite active, definitely as active as his thinner brothers (and way more active than the extremely thin one-so unfair-but there it is). But I've also emphasized to him that people come in all sizes and he should work toward a healthy, moderate diet, with plenty of veggies, and exercise, and not focus on appearances.

[LAmom]

This is such a hard topic.  My husband was very overweight as a child and allowed to eat whatever he wanted, and mostly junk.  I was normal to bigger than normal and then in college to now gained 80 pounds!  Dh and I are carb addicts and we know we need to watch the sugar, junk, carbs, etc.  I get frustrated, too, when people assume we eat crap.  We actually have a fairly healthy, whole foods diet at home.  I don't let my kids drink juice, pop, and their snacks are fruit or veggies.  My kids eat way healthier than many of our friends and yet my one son is what appears to be overweight.  I know a lot of it is genetics but he also needs to learn some self control.  That is my problem--being able to take small portions, say no to that cookies or 5 cookies...

 

I was into Ellyn Satter for a bit and a nutritionist (was it from Raising Healthy Eaters blog???) gave me some pointers.  I am now at the point where I strongly disagree with the advice.  Yes, as the parent I provide the food.  But, then allowing my child to make their own decisions on how much they will eat.  THAT DOES NOT WORK.  My poor ds can eat more than me or my husband and would take triple his portion size if we let him.  I understand the concept, I just can't figure out how it would work well.  I know my son needs to learn self control and needs to learn to tell himself no.  He will crave these sugar, yummy, junk carbs.  He will struggle with his weight his whole life.  He does need to be more active.  We do at times comment too much about his eating.  My daughter is much pickier than him and craves carbs, too, but is stick thin.  We tell her it may catch up to her one day.  :/  

 

We try to teach our kids to eat healthy.  But, I have not figured out how to best guide them so as they grow older they can make good decisions for themselves.  When I watch my kids at parties or at church dinners on Sundays, they grab the pop, the cookies, etc.  They do eat salads and good foods but they also love the junk.  I know moderation is key and I have not deprived them from treats of ice cream or chocolate, etc.  

 

I have enjoyed some of the tips here.  I have yet to find someone to help with how to best deal with my son.  I am worried about his bodyweight.  I know he is designed bigger but he also is 8 years old and wears a size 16 pants, if lucky.  We just realized he no longer fits in boys xl underwear but had to buy him mens small.  He was sad about that.  He is chubby but not obese.  He looks like he sits around playing video games all day and eats doritos and drinks pop.  Not the case.  

 

I am going to save this thread and read the comments again.  I still feel at a lose of how we are to help kids that struggle.  Maybe I should try some of the advice of Ellyn Satter and let him just eat as much as he wants for 2 weeks.  I bet he gains lots of weight...  will the cravings and food obsession go away then?  That is her claim.  I don't buy it.   What do you think?  

 

My son definitely knows a lot about carbs, good and bad, and fats/sugars, etc.  I make all my kids eat healthy and choose wisely so I don't single him out.  He is the one that constantly wants seconds and thirds and gobbles the food down before anyone has eaten their first portion.  

 

Sorry for the ramble.  This is hard for me.  

[Hunter]

My son definitely knows a lot about carbs, good and bad, and fats/sugars, etc. I make all my kids eat healthy and choose wisely so I don't single him out. He is the one that constantly wants seconds and thirds and gobbles the food down before anyone has eaten their first portion.

 

Sorry for the ramble. This is hard for me.

I don't know if I'm right, but this is what I would try.

 

I'd make his plate 1/2 green nonstarchy vegetables. There would be no seconds of the protein and carbs without having finished the greens. Seconds would be less than another half plate of the protein and carbs, but as much veggies as he wanted. There would be no thirds.

 

Raw vegetables and fruit are even better than cooked. Make sure the raw is room temperature or slightly warmed, in the winter.

 

I always put out a big bowl of cucumber slices and a smaller bowl of a lower carb fruit in the morning, when I am serving breakfast to overweight and diabetic individuals. If I have cooked eggs, I also make broccoli, asparagus, snow peas, or spinach.

 

Exercise is critical. Here in the city it's so much easier to exercise, because only the rich with a driver can get door to door service, and sometimes not even then, as there are no cars allowed on some roads. We walk, and walk, and walk, and are significantly thinner because of it.

[pollo_la]

If she is heavily addicted to carbs it could be something such as candida overgrowth throughout her digestive system. Candida is present in everyone, but it will start to overgrow with people that have diets high in refined carbs and sugar. If she has had even one dose of antibiotics that can start the whole cascade of events. Once it starts to overgrow, the person will begin to crave starchy foods and sugar even more. And the more the candida overgrows, the more starches and sugar are craved. The fix - get rid of ALL processed carbs and sugar for a few months and take a good probiotic supplement at the same time. At the end of that things should be much more "balanced." A Naturopath would be a great person to see to get advice on this kind of thing and see if it's an issue for your dd.