Poll: How long did you date before getting engaged?

[lisamarie]

DH and I dated for 6 months before getting engaged. My sister--5 months. My brother--7 months. My BIL--9 months. My SIL has been dating a guy for almost 3 years and still no ring. My inlaws are pretty upset about it. My SIL insists that in her circles, dating for years is common. It definitely is not in my circles. I would say the longest any of my friends dated was a year before getting engaged. And that would be on the longer side. So, are we crazy or is my SIL crazy for sticking with a guy who doesn't seem in any hurry to get married?

[MamaT]

We got engaged 5 months after we started dating, but I could have done it after two weeks. I just knew. I have to say we had known each other for a couple of years. A really good friend of my dh told me after we were married that my dh had told him that he was going to marry me about a year before we started dating.

[swellmomma]

Well my situation was messed up, we dated for 1 week, got pg, had a baby, then got engaged when he was 10 weeks old. We never really dated at all.

 

My sister dated my bil for 3 years, and was very firm that even if he asked her she would not accept a proposal before their 3rd year anniversary(he proposed that night).

 

My brother dated my sil for 4 or 5 years before proposing.

 

Most of the people I know dated for 2-5 years before getting engaged. Heck my aunt and uncle dated for 15 years and had been living together for 10 before he finally proposed to her.

[DebbS]

My husband and I dated for 3 years steadily and off and on before that. We were pretty young though. I don't think that there's a rule for dating time though. I know of really solid marriages where the couple dated 2 weeks, got engaged and then married a few weeks after that. I know of marriages that didn't work even though the couple dated for years.

[Mary in VA]

I put 6 months, but we knew each other 2 1/2 years before we got engaged. We were at a school in the military when we met. We were there for 9 weeks but weren't dating, just friends. I knew he was the one, but it took him longer. We kept in touch, but he was overseas and I was in the states, still just friends. I visited once. Then after 18 months apart I was stationed in the same hemisphere, progress! Then he was moved to the same country I was in, still 3 hours apart! Once he made it to the same country we were engaged in 6 months, but I'm not really sure we ever dated in the traditional sense. We got married while we were still stationed at different bases and weren't together until two months after the wedding. I don't recommend long distance relationships, but after being married 22 years I can say it was totally worth it!!! He is still my best friend and soul mate!

 

Mary

[Heather in OK]

We met September 19, 1995. October 1, 1995 was our first date (which now makes me chuckle because our last child was born almost exactly 10 years later on October 2, 2005). I got pregnant with our first dd in June 1997. We planned our wedding in six weeks and were married in August 1997. :)

 

So, all that to say, almost two years.

[Crimson Wife]

My SIL insists that in her circles, dating for years is common.

 

Unfortunately, that is quite common these days. One of my sorority sisters and her college sweetheart took 9 years to finally tie the knot. They started dating around the same time that DH and I did but we beat them down the aisle by 6 1/2 years.

 

DH and I got "pinned" after 1 1/2 years (like a promise ring in the Greek system) and had we been older, we probably would've simply gotten engaged. But as I was only finishing my sophomore year and he his junior year, we waited another 12 mos. for the formal engagement.

[Pam Wilhelm]

There isn't an option for me...

 

We met on a Wednesday night and were engaged 7 days later........ :D

 

We are coming up on our 22 anniversary....he is my match as I am his. :sigh: He makes my putter flutter.

 

 

Doh! I just saw that the first choice was 0 - 6 months!!1 Too much ham....I'm not seeing straight! LOL

Edited December 26, 2010 by PamInMN
I can be such a dolt sometimes. :)

[Lawana]

We met on a Wednesday night and were engaged 7 days later........ :D

 

 

And I thought we were fast. It was (a whole)10 days for us.

[MamaSheep]

This poll is making me giggle. Dh and I have a longstanding dispute as to when we started dating, and which of our outings together qualify as "dates". In MY evaluation of the situation we knew each other for about 5 years, just as casual aquaintances. Then we got to know each other better and were good friends for a while, then we went on some dates, while I was also going out on dates with a number of other male aquaintances, and then we dated each other exclusively for about 6 months before we got engaged. If you ask dh when we started dating, he counts my "hanging out with a friend" period (including any number of "I don't have a car, can I catch a ride with you to this group activity we were both planning to go to anyway, and you live closer to me than anyone else in the group," events) as "dates". So according to him we "dated" for 5 or 6 months before we "dated exclusively" for about 6 months. Then we were engaged for about 8 months before we got married.

 

Clear as mud?

[PeterPan]

Two weeks. We had met the year before, but I went back to finish college. When we met the 2nd time, he asked if he could write or call (as in he had decided I was the one), and we were engaged two weeks later.

 

Not sure why some people date for years, though I know they do. If you're waiting for s*x, that might get kinda old. ;)

[jenL]

We met and started dating our first year of college, so we did not get engaged for 5 1/2 years. We finished college and both started working before dh proposed. I thought it took him a bit longer than necessary - he says he was worried about money and wanted to be a little "settled" before asking. We've been married 13 years. :)

[celticmom]

We were engaged for about 6 years before we were engaged and were engaged for about a year before we married. We definitely wanted to wait until I finished school.

[HollyB]

It's pretty common now for people to date a few years before even thinking about getting engaged.

 

I met dh just a couple of weeks before we went out, then we got engaged on our first date! We were married one year later. :D

[melissel]

Unfortunately, that is quite common these days. One of my sorority sisters and her college sweetheart took 9 years to finally tie the knot. They started dating around the same time that DH and I did but we beat them down the aisle by 6 1/2 years.

 

DH and I got "pinned" after 1 1/2 years (like a promise ring in the Greek system) and had we been older, we probably would've simply gotten engaged. But as I was only finishing my sophomore year and he his junior year, we waited another 12 mos. for the formal engagement.

 

Why is it unfortunate? I don't think that marriages are any more or less likely to work out if you get married after only a few months rather than a few years.

 

To answer the question, we knew watch other for a year, then dated for 2.5 years before we got engaged. In our circle it's very common to date for at least a few years before getting engaged.

[nukeswife]

I don't know if you'd call what dh and I did dating.

 

I met him in an America Online chatroom on March 2, 1997. We talked as much as possible, up to 13 hrs straight on a weekend day (all online)

Then on April 10, 1997, I flew out to RI to meet him in person. Stayed with him for 10 days and we had a blast.

I received an engagement ring and note asking me to marry him in the mail (he sent it US certified mail) on May 5, 1997.

So we were only technically in a place where we could "date", as in go out on dates, for 10 days before getting married.

 

We were married Friday, June 13, 1997. Yep that's right we got married on Friday the 13th, many think that's strange, but it's always been lucky for us.

Edited December 26, 2010 by nukeswife

[Crimson Wife]

Why is it unfortunate? I don't think that marriages are any more or less likely to work out if you get married after only a few months rather than a few years.

 

Unfortunate because far too often the young lady wastes her prime attractiveness years on a guy who never does pop the question. It's a lot harder for a woman to start over at 30something than it is in her 20's.

[Cricket]

And I thought we were fast. It was (a whole)10 days for us.

 

We at least waited two weeks. :D

[Sasharowan]

4 years and 5 months from meeting to marriage. We never actually got engaged.

[Veritaserum]

Dated 6 months, but knew each other for nine months before that.

[Mother Superior]

We got engaged after dating for 7 months, but we knew at that time that we'd have a long engagement. We were married two full years later, after I had graduated from law school and passed the bar exam.

[Pam Wilhelm]

And I thought we were fast. It was (a whole)10 days for us.

 

How long after the engagement were you guys married? We waited a whole whopping 3 months...got married by the Chief Magistrate in Roswell, GA. :D

[lisamarie]

Unfortunate because far too often the young lady wastes her prime attractiveness years on a guy who never does pop the question. It's a lot harder for a woman to start over at 30something than it is in her 20's.

 

This is the biggest concern, that she is wasting her time on a guy who is never going to marry her. It's not like they are waiting around to finish school and get good jobs. SIL is 27, the BF is 33. They both have great jobs--him with the state, she is a nurse. He owns his own home, she owns her own condo.

 

According to SIL, it takes him a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG time to make big decisions--they are going to get married, it just takes him forever to make decisions. Months to decide to buy a house. Weeks to decide to take a new job that pays better, etc. He doesn't make decisions easily. In my mind I am thinking, do you really want to marry a guy who takes 3 YEARS to decide if he really wants to marry you???:confused::confused::confused: I would much rather have a guy who can't live without me.

 

It is helpful to see that maybe my friends and I are not necessarily the norm. Most of us were raised with the expectation that we did not date until we were ready to marry. That we courted with the purpose of getting married. So dating for years is very foreign to me.

[RebeccaS]

We met in May 2000. I lived in OH and he lived in PA. We emailed voraciously until August 2000. At that point, we alternated weekends visiting with each other. He proposed in October and we married in March 2001. Our first child was born January 2002. Poor man went from confirmed bachelor to husband and father in less than 2 years. His family still can't believe it. :tongue_smilie:

[JeneralMom]

DH was my best friend and my roommate. We had known each other for 2 years before we decided that we were already "married without benefits" (we shopped together, bought furniture for the house, spent all our free time together, etc) and started dating. I got pg in Nov 2002, we got engaged in December 2002 and married in March of 2004.

[BBG580]

2.5 years for us, but we met when I was 18 and married when I was 21, so our parents weren't in any hurry for us to marry. I knew pretty quickly after meeting DH that he was "the one" - less than a month, if I remember correctly.

 

We've been married 11 years and still blissfully happy!

[Laurie4b]

I checked six months or less, but we had known each other and hung out as friends for a year before that.

 

I think 3 years is on the longish side, but perhaps the couple doesn't really want to marry.

[Kim in Appalachia]

and we both went to college, so we didn't marry until we finished undergrad.

[jasar31629]

A little over 2.5yrs...but we married when I just turned 19. I don't know how long I would have waited otherwise :)

[Hannah C.]

Dh and I dated for two years before getting engaged, but we knew we wanted to get married after four months. The rest was just getting old enough that we were able to convince our parents that it was okay for us to be engaged. ;) Among people I know, we had a fairly lengthy dating period.

[babysparkler]

A little over 6 years (through High School and most of College).

[alpidarkomama]

Very casual friends for 3 years. Dated for 8 weeks. Engaged for 6 months. Married for 8+ wonderful years. :)

[Mom2J112903]

DH and I dated for 5yrs but once engaged we were married in 10 months.

 

My sister and her DH dated for 3yrs but were engaged for 2yrs.

 

My Mother and Step-Father, met in April and were married in late November-of the same year.

 

Everyone on DH's side of the family had longer engagments as well.

[cathmom]

We got engaged on the third anniversary of the day we met (yes, we had been dating that whole time).

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I have no clue how to answer this.

 

DH and I were co-workers for 3 years, half of that time on different floors, and the second half in the same department. We had lunches together, as coworkers. We had business trips together as coworkers. None of that would be considered dating. Then he came home with me one evening, and never left! LOL. So we started living together as a couple, without ever officially dating.

This was followed by buying a house, and then having a kid. Once our first kid was here, I popped the question, and we were married, 7 years after he moved in with me. But we never dated.

 

Oh, and all that happened when I was still an atheist. I would not do the same thing today. But then again, I'm not the same age either.

[LidiyaDawn]

Unfortunate because far too often the young lady wastes her prime attractiveness years on a guy who never does pop the question. It's a lot harder for a woman to start over at 30something than it is in her 20's.

 

Say what?? :001_huh:

 

"prime attractiveness years" - so what's that, your 20s? Do we fall apart in our 30s or something? :p

 

 

And to answer the poll: 8 years? Something like that. We had a 'common law' marriage for a long time (living together, raising kids, etc) before we actually got 'engaged' and then married. :)

[meet me in paris]

2 months for us... actually 3 weeks, but it was 2 months before we made it official and told anyone. But we are both very spontaneous, go-for-it type people, so that made sense for us (and it's been 18 years so far... so I think we're good. ;)).

 

However, I think lots of people prefer dating longer. It's probably smarter, in reality. I would flip if one of my daughters got engaged after 2 months. But my parents are old school. I'm not. :)

[ChandlerMom]

This is the biggest concern, that she is wasting her time on a guy who is never going to marry her. It's not like they are waiting around to finish school and get good jobs. SIL is 27, the BF is 33. They both have great jobs--him with the state, she is a nurse. He owns his own home, she owns her own condo.

 

According to SIL, it takes him a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG time to make big decisions--they are going to get married, it just takes him forever to make decisions. Months to decide to buy a house. Weeks to decide to take a new job that pays better, etc. He doesn't make decisions easily. In my mind I am thinking, do you really want to marry a guy who takes 3 YEARS to decide if he really wants to marry you???:confused::confused::confused: I would much rather have a guy who can't live without me.

 

It is helpful to see that maybe my friends and I are not necessarily the norm. Most of us were raised with the expectation that we did not date until we were ready to marry. That we courted with the purpose of getting married. So dating for years is very foreign to me.

 

I think there is a distinction between dating to find a spouse and dating as a social pursuit that may or may not end up in marriage. A lot of people these days start in the latter group, so it can take longer to reach a marriage state, if they ever do.

 

When I met dh I knew I was ready to get married and have kids, and about a month into our dating we discussed "where is this going" and agreed yes, we wanted kids. yes, we would get married. But we didn't officially get engaged for over a year after that. It was 2 yrs from first date to wedding.

 

If SIL isn't ready to get married and is still recreationally involved (lol), or doesn't want kids, fine. But if she is ready to get married, she probably does need to decide how long she's willing to wait for bf. If he's happy the way things are but she wants more, he'll probably just string her along. I think 3 yrs is plenty of time to decide if he WANTS to get married, even if they don't want to get married right then. I don't believe in giving ultimatums, but I do believe in setting your own time limits and walking away if they aren't met.

[Desert Rat]

My vote was 6 months, but we moved in together after knowing each other 2 weeks. (I know, I know, I still owe my parents for that heart attack). In my defense, the night I met him, I turned to the friend who had introduced us and told her that he was the man I was going to marry. It was my 22nd birthday. The best birthday present I have ever gotten or will ever get.

[SnowWhite]

We "dated" for six weeks before ring shopping. I think it was more like two months til he "popped the question" because we had to get the ring sized.

 

I think another poll would clarify one thing.... I imagine that couples who plan to begin their sexual relationship after marriage are less likely to date for years. (We fit in that category).

[Heather in AL]

A mere three months. :D

Edited December 26, 2010 by Heather in AL

[melmichigan]

We didn't get engaged. We hadn't seen each other in over two years. We decided over the phone to get married on a Thursday, and got married the next Tuesday. That will be 18 years ago in February. :)

[caitlinsmom]

I knew on our first date that we would get married. We were engaged 2 months later and married 6 months after that. Start to finish, we knew each other 9 months.

[Tressa]

We were engaged 2 months after meeting and he was gone for 6 of those weeks. :001_smile: We just knew. We married 4 months later. I have since learned that we make all our decisions quickly. It is who we are.

[weaver_67579]

knew each other and had classes together for about 1/2 year before that. We got engaged the last week of college and were married 5 months later. That was 17 years ago.

 

It is normal in my circle of people I know to be dating for years before getting engaged. My DH was raised conservative Mennonite-they tend to not date very long before getting engaged-at least in his his family and former church.

[lisamarie]

I think there is a distinction between dating to find a spouse and dating as a social pursuit that may or may not end up in marriage. A lot of people these days start in the latter group, so it can take longer to reach a marriage state, if they ever do.

 

But if she is ready to get married, she probably does need to decide how long she's willing to wait for bf. If he's happy the way things are but she wants more, he'll probably just string her along. I think 3 yrs is plenty of time to decide if he WANTS to get married, even if they don't want to get married right then. I don't believe in giving ultimatums, but I do believe in setting your own time limits and walking away if they aren't met.

 

I think this is why we have such a problem with this BF. SIL wants to get married. She wants to have kids. To me, I cannot comprehend dating that long without a ring when you are post-college. When you start dating in your teens or in college, that's one thing. But they didn't start dating until after she was out of college and had a job. There are other reasons the family doesn't like him--they've been dating 3 years and we've only seen him maybe 5 times. SIL goes to his family parties, but he doesn't reciprocate. She quit going to our church after they started dating. She dropped almost all of her old friends and now just has "their" or "his" friends. And other reasons I won't go into. So the family is not even sure if they WANT them to get married. We aren't even sure if we like him! :001_huh:

 

I think another poll would clarify one thing.... I imagine that couples who plan to begin their sexual relationship after marriage are less likely to date for years. (We fit in that category).

 

:iagree: I think this is what is going on. SIL swears they aren't, but THREE YEARS??? There's no man I know who would be happy to date for three (post college) years if they were remaining pure.

[skueppers]

We dated for almost 2 years before we got engaged, then we were engaged for three years before we got married (immediately after I graduated from college).

 

We've been married for 17 years.

 

I never expected to marry in my 20's, but sometimes life surprises you.

[Rhonda in TX]

My dad always says, "We have short courtships and long marriages." DH and I met in January, started dating in February, were engaged in May, and married in November. 20 years and counting. :)

[PeterPan]

My dad always says, "We have short courtships and long marriages." DH and I met in January, started dating in February, were engaged in May, and married in November. 20 years and counting. :)

 

Love it!!!!!

[anneofalamo]

one week nov 3, 1989 first date, asked me to marry him 10 Nov 1989

 

married feb 25 1990

 

yep, 21 years ago!

It was a good week! And an even better 20 plus years! ;)