I am shaking right now...

[holdoll]

I just got into an argument with a female at the grocery store. She was walking past the aisle and her three little ones pushing their own little mini carts were blocking the aisle. So I stood there and waited. Dd's were both at my sides. She stood there waiting for them but didn't say anything at first. They were in a "traffic jam" and she finally told them to move out of the way for "the lady". I swear I wasn't going to say anything - I just smiled at them all. After they moved, she said, "If you just would have said excuse me, they would have moved for you", in a really snotty voice. I said, "Their your kids, that's your job to teach them, not mine." It went down from there. I finally told her "talk to the hand lady" and walked off.

 

Apparently, we are all supposed to put up with her rude children though she had the audacity to think she had the right to teach me manners. I can't tell you how many times I've said "excuse me" in the grocery store and people look at me like I have a third eye in the middle of my forehead. So now I just smile and wait.

 

Just needed to vent. I hate confrontations and will never usually start one, but I sure won't back away from one either. I go out of my way to be kind to people and I just don't understand why some people think we are all here to bow down to them.

[KrissiK]

:grouphug:I'm sorry! How frustrating.

[kalanamak]

I After they moved, she said, "If you just would have said excuse me, they would have moved for you", in a really snotty voice.

 

And if you had, she'd have jumped on you for directing her kids. I've gotten that for mere "excuse me"s. Short fuse vs. paranoid personality disorder vs. spoiled princess, or some combo of the three.

[RainbowSprinkles]

I just got into an argument with a female at the grocery store. She was walking past the aisle and her three little ones pushing their own little mini carts were blocking the aisle. So I stood there and waited. Dd's were both at my sides. She stood there waiting for them but didn't say anything at first. They were in a "traffic jam" and she finally told them to move out of the way for "the lady". I swear I wasn't going to say anything - I just smiled at them all. After they moved, she said, "If you just would have said excuse me, they would have moved for you", in a really snotty voice. I said, "Their your kids, that's your job to teach them, not mine." It went down from there. I finally told her "talk to the hand lady" and walked off.

 

Apparently, we are all supposed to put up with her rude children though she had the audacity to think she had the right to teach me manners. I can't tell you how many times I've said "excuse me" in the grocery store and people look at me like I have a third eye in the middle of my forehead. So now I just smile and wait.

 

Just needed to vent. I hate confrontations and will never usually start one, but I sure won't back away from one either. I go out of my way to be kind to people and I just don't understand why some people think we are all here to bow down to them.

 

 

Not to start an argument here, but I always say excuse me when I have to pass someone in aisle. And yes, a lot of the time people look at me like I have lost my mind. Nevertheless, I still say it every time. Just to smile and wait isn't going to work.

 

So you didn't say excuse me to the kids, and after she made you aware of it you told her it's her job to teach her kids to stay out of the way? Kids are oblivious to many things, they may not have known they were in your way. I know when I take my kids to the grocery store, especially ds6 seems to be in his own little world.

[NanceXToo]

Not to start an argument here, but I always say excuse me when I have to pass someone in aisle. And yes, a lot of the time people look at me like I have lost my mind. Nevertheless, I still say it every time. Just to smile and wait isn't going to work.

 

So you didn't say excuse me to the kids, and after she made you aware of it you told her it's her job to teach her kids to stay out of the way? Kids are oblivious to many things, they may not have known they were in your way. I know when I take my kids to the grocery store, especially ds6 seems to be in his own little world.

 

:iagree: (except I really haven't ever had anybody look at me like I've lost my mind, that I've noticed. "Excuse me" usually works for me). (ETA: Which is not to say that she should have used a snotty tone about it)!

Edited December 18, 2010 by NanceXToo

[Swirl]

"Their your kids, that's your job to teach them, not mine."

 

I often find my kids do not pay that close of attention to their surroundings while shopping. For that reason, I've taught them to get out of the way quickly if someone says excuse me.

[kwickimom]

This happened to me with a woman on a hover-round and when I got the front of the store to meet my mom, the woman was there. Turns out she goes to my moms church and she was SO embarrased for making herself look like a jerk :lol: karma baby

[holdoll]

Not to start an argument here, but I always say excuse me when I have to pass someone in aisle. And yes, a lot of the time people look at me like I have lost my mind. Nevertheless, I still say it every time. Just to smile and wait isn't going to work.

 

So you didn't say excuse me to the kids, and after she made you aware of it you told her it's her job to teach her kids to stay out of the way? Kids are oblivious to many things, they may not have known they were in your way. I know when I take my kids to the grocery store, especially ds6 seems to be in his own little world.

 

As the pp poster said, she probably would have been upset if I said anything, who knows? The point is, you probably keep an eye on your ds and direct him and don't puff yourself up to teach another adult manners when your own children need looking after instead.

 

I have said "excuse me" hundreds of times. I still say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir to everyone. That's how I was raised. Where I live - is another story. I asked a woman who grew up here about this. She said it's because the previous generation of parents were so strict, that this generation will not teach manners at all - whatsoever. I don't know. I do know that I have given up saying excuse me to children. I'd rather wait and smile.

[FlockOfSillies]

I think both methods are valid. But if I were that mom, I wouldn't be lecturing you for not saying "excuse me" -- I'd be telling my kids to get out of the walkway and apologizing to you that my kids were in the way.

[Nestof3]

I get what you are saying. I consider myself responsible for making sure my kids are not in others' way in a store. For example, when they start walking in a horizontal line through the aisle, I remind them to follow behind me so that they don't block the aisle.

 

And seriously? Three mini carts. Can someone say, "Just be bored at the store and live?" :lol:

[Nestof3]

I think both methods are valid. But if I were that mom, I wouldn't be lecturing you for not saying "excuse me" -- I'd be telling my kids to get out of the walkway and apologizing to you that my kids were in the way.

 

:iagree:

[Aubrey]

As the pp poster said, she probably would have been upset if I said anything, who knows? The point is, you probably keep an eye on your ds and direct him and don't puff yourself up to teach another adult manners when your own children need looking after instead.

 

I have said "excuse me" hundreds of times. I still say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir to everyone. That's how I was raised. Where I live - is another story. I asked a woman who grew up here about this. She said it's because the previous generation of parents were so strict, that this generation will not teach manners at all - whatsoever. I don't know. I do know that I have given up saying excuse me to children. I'd rather wait and smile.

 

I'm so sorry that happened. I sometimes wish people would not try to talk to ea other in stores--there are too many parenting experts, food experts, etc for anyone to have a very pleasant encounter. ;)

 

Fwiw, if people have to say "excuse me" to my dc in the grocery store, I apologize to them because a) I think it's *my* job to make sure they're not block the aisle, & b) I know how annoying it can be when people don't keep their kids on their side of the aisle. Shopping isn't exactly fun, lol, so I don't like it to be any more stressful than necessary.

 

If you can, assume she didn't notice, was embarrassed, was trying to teach her kids that blocking the aisle would result in traffic jams, whatever--& try to shrug it off. There are just too many different people & different ways of dealing w/ things to always make everybody happy or always be pleased w/ everyone else's behavior, & the knots in your shoulders aren't worth it. :001_smile:

[MyLittleWonders]

I think both methods are valid. But if I were that mom, I wouldn't be lecturing you for not saying "excuse me" -- I'd be telling my kids to get out of the walkway and apologizing to you that my kids were in the way.

 

:iagree:

[LauraGB]

I just got into an argument with a female at the grocery store. She was walking past the aisle and her three little ones pushing their own little mini carts were blocking the aisle. So I stood there and waited. Dd's were both at my sides. She stood there waiting for them but didn't say anything at first. They were in a "traffic jam" and she finally told them to move out of the way for "the lady". I swear I wasn't going to say anything - I just smiled at them all. After they moved, she said, "If you just would have said excuse me, they would have moved for you", in a really snotty voice. I said, "Their your kids, that's your job to teach them, not mine." It went down from there. I finally told her "talk to the hand lady" and walked off.

 

Apparently, we are all supposed to put up with her rude children though she had the audacity to think she had the right to teach me manners. I can't tell you how many times I've said "excuse me" in the grocery store and people look at me like I have a third eye in the middle of my forehead. So now I just smile and wait.

 

 

 

See, this is where you pat yourself on the back for being the "sane" one; the one firmly planted in the land of Reality. Seriously. That lady was put there to show you that YOU have grace, not to tick you off.

 

(but :grouphug: anyway because sometimes it just sucks feeling like the only one with manners, even if it did end in "talk to the hand" :lol:.)

Edited December 18, 2010 by LauraGB

[Perry]

I just got into an argument with a female at the grocery store.

I had the same EXACT thing happen last year! I wasn't in any hurry, and was enjoying my time alone. I encountered this woman and her daughter in one aisle, and waited patiently while they completely blocked the aisle. I wasn't giving them dirty looks or anything, I was off in my own little world. Eventually they moved on, and I got what I needed. I turned the corner, and there they were again. I stopped, and was daydreaming about what kind of cereal I should get, when the lady suddenly started yelling at me for being rude! I was :confused:. I smiled and said I wasn't in any hurry, and that really set her off! I mumbled something about rude people who block the aisle and don't pay attention to their surroundings, but I got out of there pronto because she looked like she was going to punch me.

 

It still bothers me. :glare:

[Nestof3]

Hey, it's better than the lady that blocked the aisle tonight. She had a headpiece telephone set hooked to her head, and she was chatting away. She was completely unaware of her surroundings. I stood there for a while until she stopped to listen to the person on the other end. Then I said, "Excuse me." She then stopped me and asked if I knew where the candy aisle was. LOL

 

Or, there was the person talking on a cell phone on my way home. She was driving 10-15 miles under the speed limit. Her head was literally bent over to the right while her arm, which was resting on the arm rest, held it up. A little too relaxed for rush hour traffic driving, if you ask me. I honked twice to her to get her to clue in that she wasn't paying attention to driving, but she didn't seem to notice me.

[Caraway]

I just got into an argument with a female at the grocery store. She was walking past the aisle and her three little ones pushing their own little mini carts were blocking the aisle. So I stood there and waited. Dd's were both at my sides. She stood there waiting for them but didn't say anything at first. They were in a "traffic jam" and she finally told them to move out of the way for "the lady". I swear I wasn't going to say anything - I just smiled at them all. After they moved, she said, "If you just would have said excuse me, they would have moved for you", in a really snotty voice. I said, "Their your kids, that's your job to teach them, not mine." It went down from there. I finally told her "talk to the hand lady" and walked off.

 

Apparently, we are all supposed to put up with her rude children though she had the audacity to think she had the right to teach me manners. I can't tell you how many times I've said "excuse me" in the grocery store and people look at me like I have a third eye in the middle of my forehead. So now I just smile and wait.

 

Just needed to vent. I hate confrontations and will never usually start one, but I sure won't back away from one either. I go out of my way to be kind to people and I just don't understand why some people think we are all here to bow down to them.

 

I think that YOU were the really rude one. Those mini shopping carts are awful, but some kids love them (like mine). Trying to shop, with your own cart, AND three mini carts is a total nightmare. You spend the whole time trying to stay out of the way, while grabbing what you need before all hell breaks lose.

 

The woman was probably frazzled. She just told you (probably in way of a clumsy apology) that a simple excuse me would have alerted her children that they needed to move. And you came back with a totally RUDE and SNARKY response. What is her job to teach her kids? That some people are really rude at the grocery store and they should constantly be on the lookout for them??? That even when someone doesn't say "excuse me" but merely stands there, very passive aggressively, they should quickly get out of the way???

[amsunshine]

I think that YOU were the really rude one. Those mini shopping carts are awful, but some kids love them (like mine). Trying to shop, with your own cart, AND three mini carts is a total nightmare. You spend the whole time trying to stay out of the way, while grabbing what you need before all hell breaks lose.

 

The woman was probably frazzled. She just told you (probably in way of a clumsy apology) that a simple excuse me would have alerted her children that they needed to move. And you came back with a totally RUDE and SNARKY response. What is her job to teach her kids? That some people are really rude at the grocery store and they should constantly be on the lookout for them??? That even when someone doesn't say "excuse me" but merely stands there, very passive aggressively, they should quickly get out of the way???

 

 

Yikes.

[Mrs Mungo]

*Has visions of cart corrals, sliced peanut butter, and crock pots and runs away.*

 

PS I do realize I am inciting violence by the use of an Oxford comma, but I needed one!

[Slartibartfast]

*Has visions of cart corrals, sliced peanut butter, and crock pots and runs away.*

 

PS I do realize I am inciting violence by the use of an Oxford comma, but I needed one!

 

"Crockpots and runs away!" would have seemed like you were trying to start a heated debate. :lol:

[Rebecca VA]

I think you should have said "excuse me." It would have been polite and quick, and no one would have had to try to guess what your intentions were. Just standing there seems a little...passive aggressive?

 

That doesn't excuse the woman's outburst at all, but I think the incident could have been avoided if you'd said "excuse me" in a friendly voice and then gone on your way.

[ladydusk]

And seriously? Three mini carts. :lol:

 

That stood out to me! I make my kids take turns if there are mini carts so other children/families will have a chance. They don't like it, but nobody gets one if they don't share (they take turns by aisle). Tough cookies.

 

It is bad enough keeping children corralled with me and out of the way of other people, but I can't imagine if there were 4 carts to keep track of!

[Pink Fairy]

I think that YOU were the really rude one. Those mini shopping carts are awful, but some kids love them (like mine). Trying to shop, with your own cart, AND three mini carts is a total nightmare. You spend the whole time trying to stay out of the way, while grabbing what you need before all hell breaks lose.

 

 

 

The fact is, if it's a total nightmare for you (and, no doubt, everyone else who is unfortunate enough to be shopping at the same time you are), you just say no to the mini shopping carts. I have five kids, and just because they "love" something doesn't mean I give it to them, especially if it's going to inconvenience everyone else around them.

[Pretty in Pink]

Those mini carts are a nightmare, I'll give you that. I certainly can't imagine taking three of them for my own children, but to each their own.

 

That said, OP, how were the kids supposed to know that they needed to move? You were waiting for their mother to "do her job" and tell them to get out of the way, I suppose. You could have simply said, "Excuse me, girls," with a smile on your face and they would have noticed you. You said that you didn't do that because you were trying to avoid a confrontation, but then you admitted to getting very snarky, very quickly when their mother said something to you. :confused: Is it possible that you weren't standing there as sweetly as you thought you were to begin with?

 

I'm not saying she was right to say anything to you in the first place. I would have been apologizing for the inconvenience caused by my children.

[Farrar]

Trying not to step into this specific situation too much because... well... goodness there have been some harsh words for the poor OP.

 

BUT... this touches on one of my biggest pet peeves. I can't stand when someone wants someone to do something and doesn't just ask. Somehow, not saying anything directly has come to be seen as more polite in our society when I actually find it to be quite rude. I think this sort of passive aggressive behavior is becoming so ingrained into people that they don't even realize how what seems obvious to them (hey, I'm standing here smiling tightly and tapping my foot waiting for you!) isn't obvious at all to the rest of us (oh, that lady looks like she can't remember what she came down this aisle for because she's just standing there looking confused!).

 

That said, I would have been apologizing for my kids. I'm always apologizing for my children in supermarkets. I should just get cards printed up that say, "Sorry if my children made your grocery shopping experience unpleasant."

[Caraway]

The fact is, if it's a total nightmare for you (and, no doubt, everyone else who is unfortunate enough to be shopping at the same time you are), you just say no to the mini shopping carts. I have five kids, and just because they "love" something doesn't mean I give it to them, especially if it's going to inconvenience everyone else around them.

 

 

In my case we shop at a time when the store will be close to empty. I have two kids, (and thus two mini carts), and I watch my kids constantly. We work hard to stay out of the way. Certainly more so than the groups of mothers who stand in the middle of the aisle to gossip, and then glare if you try to get around them. However, someone standing in an aisle, passively aggressively waiting for my kids to notice them.... ??? I think that children have a right to be in public, particularly when they are behaving at least as well as the adults.

[MrsBasil]

Trying not to step into this specific situation too much because... well... goodness there have been some harsh words for the poor OP.

 

BUT... this touches on one of my biggest pet peeves. I can't stand when someone wants someone to do something and doesn't just ask. Somehow, not saying anything directly has come to be seen as more polite in our society when I actually find it to be quite rude. I think this sort of passive aggressive behavior is becoming so ingrained into people that they don't even realize how what seems obvious to them (hey, I'm standing here smiling tightly and tapping my foot waiting for you!) isn't obvious at all to the rest of us (oh, that lady looks like she can't remember what she came down this aisle for because she's just standing there looking confused!).

 

That said, I would have been apologizing for my kids. I'm always apologizing for my children in supermarkets. I should just get cards printed up that say, "Sorry if my children made your grocery shopping experience unpleasant."

 

But see I wait sometimes not to be passive aggressive, but because I'm really not in a hurry and don't mind just stopping for a second while the other people figure out whatever it is that requires a mid aisle conference.

 

If I was the OP I would have been waiting for the kids because I didn't care and would have been fine with them taking their time. If I did that and the parent said something snotty to me I'd be angered to.

 

To the OP, sorry. Sounds like a rough day! :grouphug:

[idnib]

But see I wait sometimes not to be passive aggressive, but because I'm really not in a hurry and don't mind just stopping for a second while the other people figure out whatever it is that requires a mid aisle conference.

 

If I was the OP I would have been waiting for the kids because I didn't care and would have been fine with them taking their time. If I did that and the parent said something snotty to me I'd be angered to.

 

To the OP, sorry. Sounds like a rough day! :grouphug:

 

This, exactly. I do my shopping w/o my kiddos usually. I enjoy the time alone and I like to take my time and check out the new items on the shelves and such. I don't mind waiting for others while they block the aisle or whatever. I don't believe I am being passive aggressive at all and I hope I'm not perceived that way. I'm just enjoying some mommy time while getting a necessary chore done.

 

The virtue of patience is now labeled as passive aggressive? Good grief....

[Sophia]

The woman was probably frazzled. She just told you (probably in way of a clumsy apology) that a simple excuse me would have alerted her children that they needed to move. And you came back with a totally RUDE and SNARKY response. What is her job to teach her kids? That some people are really rude at the grocery store and they should constantly be on the lookout for them??? That even when someone doesn't say "excuse me" but merely stands there, very passive aggressively, they should quickly get out of the way???

 

Wow.:001_huh: Bad day?:grouphug:

 

I have been known to patiently stand and wait for someone to move~my motive was never to be passive aggressive, but to be patient.

Sometimes it works, sometimes I do need to say something, but fortunately I've never been met with hostility, for crying out loud.

 

Those mini carts are cute, and I have used them with my little ones on occasion, but I always explained that they come with great responsibility;), and they need to make sure they move out of the way of other people shopping.

Iow, I never felt my dc's little adventure needed to interfere with someone else's day.

 

Op, sorry that happened to you.

[Farrar]

But see I wait sometimes not to be passive aggressive, but because I'm really not in a hurry and don't mind just stopping for a second while the other people figure out whatever it is that requires a mid aisle conference.

 

If I was the OP I would have been waiting for the kids because I didn't care and would have been fine with them taking their time. If I did that and the parent said something snotty to me I'd be angered to.

 

To the OP, sorry. Sounds like a rough day! :grouphug:

 

I totally get that. And that's not passive aggressive at all. I'm hesitant to comment too much on this particular situation because it seems like it was one big mess and it would have upset me too. I can totally imagine myself accidentally stumbling into EITHER side of that confrontation. I just wanted to say that there's this attitude that seems to have arisen in general where no one asks for what they need and then they get upset when it's not provided. The comments on this thread me think of that and it's something that really bothers me.

[Pink Fairy]

In my case we shop at a time when the store will be close to empty. I have two kids, (and thus two mini carts), and I watch my kids constantly. We work hard to stay out of the way. Certainly more so than the groups of mothers who stand in the middle of the aisle to gossip, and then glare if you try to get around them. However, someone standing in an aisle, passively aggressively waiting for my kids to notice them.... ??? I think that children have a right to be in public, particularly when they are behaving at least as well as the adults.

 

Well, you sound like a reasonable person. I doubt the OP would have had the sort of interection with you that she experienced today. But if the mom was aware of the situation, and didn't say anything ("She stood there waiting for them but didn't say anything at first."), why in the world would the OP say something?

[Rebel]

Sorry you had that experience. I too, HATE confrontations with strangers.

 

That being said...I usually say something along the lines of, "Excuse me sweetie, could I squeeze by?" I live in Texas (state motto is friendship) and this is said in a strong southern accent, so maybe that's why I've never had anybody look at me weird.

[LibraryLover]

Really? Yanno...Judy Collins sings... It's easier than pie to be kind.

 

Finding favor with your neighbor

Well, it can be so fine

It's easier than pie to be kind

 

 

 

Here it is the whole song-- don't fall asleep. :tongue_smilie::lol::D

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFI-qzu76wM

[LibraryLover]

Sorry you had that experience. I too, HATE confrontations with strangers.

 

That being said...I usually say something along the lines of, "Excuse me sweetie, could I squeeze by?" I live in Texas (state motto is friendship) and this is said in a strong southern accent, so maybe that's why I've never had anybody look at me weird.

 

 

A "Gosh, how cute are they?" tends to be my fallback in certain instances. :D

[sagira]

I probably wouldn't have noticed that my kids were blocking either. I'm a very polite person, but also a dreamer.. head in the clouds sometimes. But a quick "excuse me" gets me to move immediately, and I've taught my kids that excuse me is the phrase to say. I would have said the same thing the lady said, but not at all in a snotty voice, but with a big smile, and also said sorry, I didn't notice they were in your way.

[Sophia]

Here it is the whole song-- don't fall asleep. :tongue_smilie::lol::D

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFI-qzu76wM

 

Ok, I really tried to listen to the song, but...I COULDN'T DO IT :ack2:

 

Your post followed mine so I wasn't sure if this was a response to me or not..

[Snowfall]

And if you had, she'd have jumped on you for directing her kids. I've gotten that for mere "excuse me"s. Short fuse vs. paranoid personality disorder vs. spoiled princess, or some combo of the three.

 

I completely agree. As you said, holdoll, people look at you crossly for saying "Excuse me," too. You can't win when people are rude.

[LibraryLover]

Ok, I really tried to listen to the song, but...I COULDN'T DO IT :ack2:

 

Your post followed mine so I wasn't sure if this was a response to me or not..

 

 

LOL I know! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I couldn't find the Judy one. It's better. ;)

 

I wasn't responding to anything but the crazy situation where things went crazy over nothing.

 

You're good. lol

[Little Nyssa]

Well... my kids could be those kids-- sometimes when I am choosing groceries I am oblivious to them blocking the aisle for a second-- but I would certainly perk up if the other lady said to me, excuse me. I would make them move lickety split. You can't always expect OPK to respond to a polite excuse me, but you can say it to their mom.

Global sorry to all the people at Trader Joes that my kids have blocked with their little carts! :001_smile:

[MrsBasil]

I totally get that. And that's not passive aggressive at all. I'm hesitant to comment too much on this particular situation because it seems like it was one big mess and it would have upset me too. I can totally imagine myself accidentally stumbling into EITHER side of that confrontation. I just wanted to say that there's this attitude that seems to have arisen in general where no one asks for what they need and then they get upset when it's not provided. The comments on this thread me think of that and it's something that really bothers me.

 

That makes sense and I misunderstand your point. I apologize for that!

I share your frustration with people who assume I'm a mind reader and get annoyed when I'm not.

[Peela]

I've never had anyone get upset for me saying excuse me- especially to little kids, with a smile on my face. Mothers can be so distracted and exhausted, especially mothers with little kids in supermarkets.

 

I think its the time of year...people's tempers are a little more frayed coming up to Christmas, and it pays to give a little more grace, a bit more patience, than normal. However I do understand that if you have had your head bitten off for saying excuse me in the past, you might try something else.

 

I wouldn't hesitate to just say excuse me, though...I have even placed my hands gently on a small kid in the supermarket to steer them out of the way when they are blocking the aisle- very conscious it wasnt "my" kid and the mother could go off at me, but its never happened. If anyone complained, that would be their problem, not mine- it's their kid in the way. But I try to be friendly and matter of fact and also "maternal" and non threatening.

It might be the area I live in- it's not rough at all.

[Mejane]

I completely agree. As you said, holdoll, people look at you crossly for saying "Excuse me," too. You can't win when people are rude.

 

:iagree: You never know how someone is going to respond to anything you say/do. Many people also seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that they're out in the world amongst other humans. I call it "all about me syndrome", and it's everywhere. :glare:

[Sahamamama]

I can't tell you how many times I've said "excuse me" in the grocery store and people look at me like I have a third eye in the middle of my forehead. So now I just smile and wait.

 

:iagree:We, too, have learned the futility of a polite "excuse me." We, too, just smile and wait. That is, unless the person is of an older generation. For these, a polite "excuse me" still applies and seems to be appreciated.

 

:grouphug: I've heard that chamomile tea is great for calming nerves. Go home and have some nice, hot tea. Let the morning go........ :D

[Mom0012]

Trying not to step into this specific situation too much because... well... goodness there have been some harsh words for the poor OP.

 

BUT... this touches on one of my biggest pet peeves. I can't stand when someone wants someone to do something and doesn't just ask. Somehow, not saying anything directly has come to be seen as more polite in our society when I actually find it to be quite rude. I think this sort of passive aggressive behavior is becoming so ingrained into people that they don't even realize how what seems obvious to them (hey, I'm standing here smiling tightly and tapping my foot waiting for you!) isn't obvious at all to the rest of us (oh, that lady looks like she can't remember what she came down this aisle for because she's just standing there looking confused!).

 

That said, I would have been apologizing for my kids. I'm always apologizing for my children in supermarkets. I should just get cards printed up that say, "Sorry if my children made your grocery shopping experience unpleasant."

 

I don't know. I think everyone knows in a grocery store that people are trying to get their shopping done and that you shouldn't block the whole aisle. We all know if someone needs to get through, you should move out of the way as soon as you can. Really, what else could the person possibly want other than to get through? I have found that people often don't take kindly to being asked to move (with an "excuse me") any more than they do to someone patiently waiting for them to move.

 

I generally just try to wait for people to move because I do find that less confrontational. But am I being passive agressive? No, I'm just trying to be patient and let the person finish what they are doing before I continue down the aisle.

 

Lisa

Edited December 18, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[Mom0012]

I probably wouldn't have noticed that my kids were blocking either. I'm a very polite person, but also a dreamer.. head in the clouds sometimes. But a quick "excuse me" gets me to move immediately, and I've taught my kids that excuse me is the phrase to say. I would have said the same thing the lady said, but not at all in a snotty voice, but with a big smile, and also said sorry, I didn't notice they were in your way.

 

Well, we don't know what the lady's tone of voice was, but to the OP it felt like it was snotty. But telling the other person if they had said "excuse me" all would have been well, is kind of like saying it's their fault they were being held up because your children were blocking the aisle. I would think it would be best to just let the person go by and leave it at that because, really, they did nothing wrong IMO.

 

Lisa

Edited December 18, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[MomOfOneFunOne]

I think we all might be envisioning different scenarios for this question. Otherwise, I just cannot understand why "excuse me, please" could be anything other than courteous.

 

If someone is standing in the baking aisle, looking at all the honey there is to choose from, considering her purchase options, and trying to decide which honey is the right honey for her and then I come along, say "excuse me" and reach around her to get the honey I want, yep, kinda rude.

 

If someone is in the aisle and she too wants to get through and you go barging around or cut with an "excuse me" ordered on your way around, yep, rude.

 

If she's just standing there doing whatever we do when we find ourselves just standing in the aisle at the grocery and you say, "excuse me, please," this is not at all rude.

 

I feel that deciding to just let the world be rude and join in b/c it's easier than being courteous, it's more wrong than any of the rudeness above.

 

For the record, I consider, "Excuse me" to be better than nothing but really more of a command than social nicety. We try to actually make the request and with a smile at that.

 

In the op, I'd expect that the mother and children want to be courteous and want the opportunity to be courteous. If they were standing in the aisle blocking my path, "Excuse me, please, girls; may I pass?" If I were the mom, I'd be annoyed that someone so casually cast courteousness aside robbing everyone of the opportunity to interact in a socially gratifying, polite, and charming way. Not to mention the passive aggressive issue.

 

Why not just be nice?

[Pippen]

I generally just try to wait for people to move because I do find that less confrontational. But am I being passive agressive? No, I'm just trying to be patient and let the person finish what they are doing before I continue down the aisle.

 

Lisa

 

Often I wait for people in an aisle simply out of courtesy to them, especially mothers with young children and elderly. In our hurried world, I like to think that people might appreciate someone who is patient.

 

I'm not shy ;), but I don't know that I would have got into it with the mom the OP encountered though. When a stranger lays a rude comment on you in a situation like that, it's not as if it's a teachable moment and anything I say is going to make a difference. It might make me feel better about venting my frustration, but it just wouldn't seem worth inviting an escalation in public with a stranger over.

[mommaduck]

I think both methods are valid. But if I were that mom, I wouldn't be lecturing you for not saying "excuse me" -- I'd be telling my kids to get out of the walkway and apologizing to you that my kids were in the way.

Ditto. And may I say how much I despise both those "toy carts" and the carts that lug up to four kids around...or even the ones that look like giant mini cars for kids in front of the cart?! They take up so much room in the store, are difficult to maneuver, and no one can get by them. Really, just use a regular cart and teach bigger kids to walk and not touch.

[Caroline]

Twelve years of being a soccer mom have taught me that people are unpredictable. Just don't engage and walk away.

[Pretty in Pink]

Ditto. And may I say how much I despise both those "toy carts" and the carts that lug up to four kids around...or even the ones that look like giant mini cars for kids in front of the cart?! They take up so much room in the store, are difficult to maneuver, and no one can get by them. Really, just use a regular cart and teach bigger kids to walk and not touch.

 

Well, I agree that they are a complete PITA to push around the store, especially with the added weight of a few children, but I use them every single week. What else can you do when you have two children that are too small to walk?