I am constantly surprised by women I meet who can't/don't cook...

[Crimson Wife]

I find it annoying that I am still expected (by those on the outside) to be the one who cooks full time. People are surprised when we show up to Thanksgiving and other dinners with dishes prepared by my husband and not me. It's because I was working to bring home the money and he had the time to do the cooking that I didn't have. I often feel judgments by other moms when the topic comes up and I mention that I am not the one who cooks at our house. It's almost like they feel that I am not as good as they are because I don't do the cooking. Yet, they know that I'm the sole financial provider for our family. So they think that I should work full time and do all of the cooking and house work too. I don't get it. :glare:

 

I don't have a problem with a family deciding that the husband should do the cooking. If he enjoys it and the wife doesn't, so what.

 

What I have a problem with is when NOBODY in the family does the cooking and it's all take-out or TV dinners all the time. Seriously, it doesn't take that much longer to dump a bunch of stuff in a Crock-Pot than it does to zap a TV dinner and it's whole heckuva lot healthier.

[Night Elf]

We didn't define cooking.

 

Does using a rice cooker/steamer, microwave, or crockpot count as cooking? Because I can throw some chicken in a crockpot with a can of soup and serve it with canned veggies. In fact, this is one of our common meals.

 

Scrambling an egg? Toasting bread in a toaster?

Boiling spaghetti and opening a jar of sauce? We use Ragu.

 

When I hear the word 'cooking' I think of hours in a kitchen making things from scratch. I don't do scratch. Ever. And I'm okay with that! This conversation can turn into the threads about how some families think processed foods are evil. Dare I mention we eat white processed bread too? I love that stuff! :lol:

[cjbeach]

I think many people eat most meals on the go. I know people who go through fast food drive-throughs three or four nights a week. On nights they are home, they rely on foods from grocery store deli counters and salad bars. At most, they re-heat. Canned soup, frozen dinners, and just add-water meals (ramen, mac and cheese, and instant soups) are as close to home-cooked as they get. My kids love visiting those houses, all the junk food you can eat and instant mac and cheese to boot.

OMG yes!!!

I have 2 neighbors (with kids) who don't cook.

I can't even begin to fathom what they SPEND on take-out a week. They laugh at ME (cooking all of the time) and then say they don't cook or know how to cook. My answer is usually a brief "You don't know how to cook to use a crockpot." They would just rather NOT cook. I can't imagine that with kids. Kids usually have Pop-tarts or cereal for breakfast, lunch if at school or drive through, dinner is drive-through or pizza or delivery or take-out.

It seems so much simpler to me to just throw some stuff in a crockpot. :001_huh:

[cjbeach]

I really don't understand how someone "can't" cook. In my opinion, it seems that if you can read, you can cook.YES!!!! It's just a matter of following a recipe. Now, I can understand people that don't cook because they don't like to, but that is different.

 

Lisa

:iagree:

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I don't cook. I am a self employed business owner and work full time and I do most of my son's home schooling. My husband does all of the cooking. I don't really enjoy cooking but if I had my choice about things, I would be the one to cook and stay home with my son cleaning house and doing lessons, and my husband would work full time. That's just not how things worked out for us. We enjoy that we are able to spend most of our days together since I work mostly from home.

 

I find it annoying that I am still expected (by those on the outside) to be the one who cooks full time. People are surprised when we show up to Thanksgiving and other dinners with dishes prepared by my husband and not me. It's because I was working to bring home the money and he had the time to do the cooking that I didn't have. I often feel judgments by other moms when the topic comes up and I mention that I am not the one who cooks at our house. It's almost like they feel that I am not as good as they are because I don't do the cooking. Yet, they know that I'm the sole financial provider for our family. So they think that I should work full time and do all of the cooking and house work too. I don't get it. :glare:

 

When I do cook (rarely), I do ok. I can read and follow a recipe. I don't know how to make adjustments or put my own touches on things and because I don't have the practice, things don't always turn out as good as they could have...but I can cook. I just don't.

 

Btw, not only does my husband cook all of the meals, but he plates and serves them to me at the table. He fills my drinks at my desk and brings me snacks while I'm working. :D Oh yea and he does all of the laundry and does most (not all) of the cleaning. Does that make me less of a woman or him less of a man? Hardly, it's just the way things work out best for our family.

 

This completely makes sense to me! I think at least someone in the family should be able to cook a meal once in a while. I'm not talking Martha Stewart stuff, but, basic chicken, veggies, rice, potatoes or something like that.

 

I guess what I'm saying is that I get amazed at the women who are home with their kids and still won't/can't put together a simple meal. That probably comes across as judgemental, and I really don't mean too, honestly. I just don't get it I guess.

 

Most of the reason I learned to cook was out of necessity. We just, as missionaries, don't have the money to be eating out a lot. We also don't have access to a lot of prepackaged stuff--so I learned how to do things from scratch--thank God for "all recipes" iykwim!

 

I happen to enjoy cooking and I realize that to a lot of women it's a huge chore that HAS to be done and they just can't make themselves enjoy it. I feel the same way about laundry!

 

I guess what I was getting at was I don't understand how women (and men, too I guess) can go from day to day without cooking a meal for themselves or their family and does that make you want to, as a homeschooling parent, make sure that your dc have that skill before they leave home?

 

Conversely, what about girls and basic car maintenance? What about basic household finances? These are important too and no longer gender-specific!

[Parrothead]

Dare I mention we eat white processed bread too? I love that stuff! :lol:

You and my dh, both.

 

I have radically changed his diet over the years. I cannot get him to give up store bought white bread.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

We didn't define cooking.

 

Does using a rice cooker/steamer, microwave, or crockpot count as cooking? Because I can throw some chicken in a crockpot with a can of soup and serve it with canned veggies. In fact, this is one of our common meals.

 

Scrambling an egg? Toasting bread in a toaster?

Boiling spaghetti and opening a jar of sauce? We use Ragu.

 

When I hear the word 'cooking' I think of hours in a kitchen making things from scratch. I don't do scratch. Ever. And I'm okay with that! This conversation can turn into the threads about how some families think processed foods are evil. Dare I mention we eat white processed bread too? I love that stuff! :lol:

 

You're right! I guess using your kitchen for more than a place to keep your appliances?!:001_smile: Actually, just making basic meals a few times a week is what I was thinking. It's amazing how many families go out to eat every single night and eat leftovers from the restaurant for lunch. Seriously, I know A LOT of people like that. Probably at least 12 families off the top of my head--not kidding.

[LaissezFaire]

I am surprised when I come across anyone, man or woman, who cannot cook. I think it is because cooking comes so naturally to me. I can't imagine not being able to. Especially when it's someone with a large family. I think, "What do you survive on?" But honestly I think it depends how you were raised and if a lot of cooking was done in the home growing up.

 

My kids can all cook down to the 7 year old because it's just what we do around here.

[mo2]

So my question is this, Do you meet a lot of women as well who don't/can't cook? If so, does this make you determined to teach your child/children to cook?

 

 

Meeting all these people has made me very determined to teach all 3 of my dc how to cook and how to be proficient in the kitchen.

 

Didn't read the replies, but my opinion is that anyone CAN cook; there are just a lot of people who DON'T cook. I mean, really, there are plenty of fool-proof recipes out there!

 

ETA: I totally think it's okay if people don't cook...if that's what works for them. Hey, if I could afford it, I'd probably eat out a lot more!

Edited November 24, 2010 by mo2

[LizzyBee]

When I meet people who say they don't cook, I always wonder what they eat. If the dh cooks, that's one thing. But I meet families where the dw and dh both say they don't cook.

[LostSurprise]

I'm a little amazed that people make such catch-all statements.

 

For one thing, everyone has a different idea of what 'cooking' entails. Also, not everyone really likes the same foods. Some people have texture issues. Others don't have a good sense of taste (or smell). And then there are people that just give up easily.

 

My mother does not cook. She tried for awhile. She's a picky eater. Most of her kids are picky eaters. It wasn't any fun. When she went back to work she started some kind of easy or frozen dinner thing and hasn't looked back.

 

Thus I could not cook. I still don't consider myself a cook, although I am a great baker and I don't use prepared foods so I must be cooking somehow.

 

I don't think I'm a good cook. I have texture issues so many foods I just can't/won't eat. I don't like strong tastes. That kills about 75% of dishes right there. Not tasting the food you make decreases your chances of success. Fear of spices, also decreases it.

 

I can read. I can read very well, but that doesn't mean that I can cook. That doesn't mean my kids will like it or I will eat it. Whoever uses the words 'fool proof' is unintentionally insulting. There is no fool proof, only different people struggling to make things work and enjoying different things.

 

And yes, am teaching my sons all I know. I hope they'll be more intuitive, joyful cooks like their dad. I struggle much more.

[rootsnwings]

I never cooked when I worked. Ever.

 

We got take out *something* every night. Of course, I was pulling in some $$$ then, so the cost wasn't really a factor. But more importantly, I didn't have the BRAINPOWER to cook when I was working full-time. I would literally burn something, or just do something *stupid* every time I tried to cook. My brain was MUSH after working all day and I seriously just could not pull it together enough to cook a meal most nights.

 

Now that I'm home I cook for both lunch & dinner. DH works nights so lunch is our "big meal" of the day... now that I have TIME to think things through, and PRACTICE, I can pull off some awesome meals in a relatively short amount of time! :)

 

That said, I can completely understand why some women don't cook and do the domestic thing. It's **** near impossible when people work outside the home full time.

[Brilliant]

When I meet people who say they don't cook, I always wonder what they eat. If the dh cooks, that's one thing. But I meet families where the dw and dh both say they don't cook.

 

I know a family that eats out every.single.meal. It is 2 parents and a teenage son. "I don't like to cook" and "We all like different things" was how she explained it to me. If one or more of them can't eat at a restaurant that night, they just get a carry-out meal. They eat the leftovers for lunches.

[Carol in Cal.]

I never cooked when I worked. Ever.

 

We got take out *something* every night. Of course, I was pulling in some $$$ then, so the cost wasn't really a factor. But more importantly, I didn't have the BRAINPOWER to cook when I was working full-time. I would literally burn something, or just do something *stupid* every time I tried to cook. My brain was MUSH after working all day and I seriously just could not pull it together enough to cook a meal most nights.

 

 

 

If you're ever in that position again, I have the perfect cookbook for you--"Quick Cook" by Martha Stewart, from before she was such a powerhouse. She defines what should be on hand all the time, and then all the meals are a little nicer than typical homefare but quick and fairly easy to make. Great stuff!

[Sparkle]

I'm not surprised to know that there are a lot of people who don't cook.

 

That said, I think it's a skill that's good to have, whether you're male or female. Even just a few basic things.

 

I go through cycles of liking to cook and not liking to cook. In fact, dh is the one who mainly cooks around here. I shop and buy the ingredients and hand him the recipe and advise, but he does most of the physical work. What I do enjoy is cooking when I'm entertaining or when I'm hosting the lunch at church. I guess because I get a lot more compliments then, and less complaints than when I'm cooking for dh and the kids.

 

I enjoy homemade food much more than eating out in general. Even if we could afford to eat out all the time, I'd still prefer to eat at home, and have better food at a much cheaper price.

[ThelmaLou]

When 4 of my boys were in Little League at the same time, I rotated doing snacks for each team with each of the other moms on the other teams. I was amazed that I was the only mom who ever, and I mean ever, made anything homemade. It was always fruit roll-ups and capri suns, or Doritos and soda, etc... Not that I wouldn't do something prepackaged in a pinch, and we eat our share of processed junk food, but those little kids so appreciated home-made cupcakes (from scratch), cookies, brownies, popcorn balls, etc... I didn't expect every mom or even most moms to do homemade snacks all the time. But not one mom from *any* of my boys' teams ever made a post-game snack herself. I don't know if they couldn't cook or just didn't want to.

[elegantlion]

 

:iagree:I'm so joining this club- Women Over 40 Who Would Rather Do Just About Anything Rather Than Cook (Need your yard raked, someone to fold laundry, someone to take your children to the dentist, a bunch of lapbooks cut and stored ready for assembly? Call me and I'll join the party. You want to hang out in the kitchen? I'll pass.)

 

Mandy, who lists detests cooking in her profile

 

You can come over, I'll make a pot of coffee. :D

 

My ds started watching cooking shows when he was 7. I kept kidding when he turned 13 the kitchen was his. He actually is a big help in the kitchen. I'll probably have him start doing one dinner a night later this year.

[Luckymama]

I think a lot of can'ts are really don'ts, as in they don't want to. It always amuses me when someone says, "I can't boil water" as if they were proud. You can't boil water? Really? Well then you must be really stoopid. :D

 

 

:iagree:

[Crimson Wife]

not everyone really likes the same foods. Some people have texture issues. Others don't have a good sense of taste (or smell). And then there are people that just give up easily.

 

Trying to say this gently, but these are habit-training issues IMHO. When I was growing up, my mom gave us 2 choices: take it or leave it. If we didn't eat what she cooked, we went hungry. At the next meal, we got leftovers of the first meal. Period. Eventually we learned not to be "picky eaters".

[cjbeach]

So for families that have come from non-cooking worlds, I have to ask if you have experienced the same.

 

My sil was a non-cooker. Not that she couldn't, she wouldn't. She lived behind a Burger King. When I first met my dh, his niece was 8. Every night dinner came from BK. Friday was pizza night. On weekends she may have had TWO meals from BK. My SIL would nuke a weight watchers meal or something like it. Breakfast was Pop Tarts or sugar cereal.

Ironically my SIL is a manager in a supermarket on the OTHER side of the BK.:001_huh:

My dh's niece's eating habits were terrible then. She was heavy at 8, but more than that she just seemed to be developing terrible eating habits. THey never had fruit or veggies, not in the house, not consumed. All drinks were soda (incl breakfast drinks which I thought was downright bizarre).

 

So my question is, how did you learn healthy eating habits?????

 

My other pet peeve with my SIL/niece's situation was table manners. I'm such a freak about sitting down as often as we can together to: practice good table manners, to learn healthy nutrition, talking together as a family, etc....... I don't think my niece really ever learned these skills until she was older. Her table manners when I met her were pretty awful.

Edited November 24, 2010 by cjbeach

[Moniksca]

Trying to say this gently, but these are habit-training issues IMHO. When I was growing up, my mom gave us 2 choices: take it or leave it. If we didn't eat what she cooked, we went hungry. At the next meal, we got leftovers of the first meal. Period. Eventually we learned not to be "picky eaters".

 

You must have been living at my house. I didn't know how to cook when I moved out but learned on the way. My sister who is in her mid 20's still lives at home and eats out all the time, doesn't wish to learn how to cook. She couldn't even cut up her own mangoes for work. She has my mom to do everything.

[ciyates]

I have only meet one person who could not cook. Unfortunately she thought she could :tongue_smilie: The others who say they can't cook won't. I do believe you should have the skills for basic survival. We are not in the financial position to eat out so everyone in the house helps cook.

[Snickerdoodle]

I don't mean to offend or sound stoopid, but I really don't understand when someone says they (and their spouse) don't cook. What does your family eat? I feel like half my life is spent cooking. Is there another option? ;)

 

Seriously, what does a family eat if nobody cooks? Nobody really does takeout/ restaurants every night, do they?

 

 

Seriously.

[elizabeth]

I am amazed at all the young people who cannot/will not put forth the effort to cook. It is cheaper, healthier and far tastier than fast food . Most restaurants do not make any food from scratch either, much if not all is reheat from frozen. That said I cannot imagine a man not knowing how to cook but with Lebanese, Cajun and English grandparents there was always a whole lotta cooking going on. My mother raised all of her children, including my brother, to cook everything from basics to haute cuisine. I cannot imagine taking boxed cookies to a friend or not knowing how to make minestrone soup for an ailing person. I find it incredibly weird, yes, weird that folks do not know how to prepare a meal. Sure came in handy during law school too. Our semi-annual luncheons for our profs were legendary. Who were we? Why, the Womens Law League ,of course. We had a couple of men in it and they certainly brought a great deal of levity to our gatherings. There were several profs who were widowed and/or divorced and I cannot tell you the joy we had in serving them carefully prepared dishes on a beautifully set table. Humility and grace will get a lawyer out of many a mess and this was **** good training in that regard as well. It was interesting to brook mean spirited criticism from some of the women in my class(none of whom could cook or bathe...) for being "traditional." My response was always the same, "Hell no, it is about having manners,class and a little respect for your betters." The point I am making is this, any moron can go pick up a tasteless cake from Sam's Club and their abominable tasteless chicken salad with gelatinous cheap mayo all over it. It takes a broad to study for exams, whip up a bundt cake, bake and shred chicken for salad , compose said salad , bake bread and slap on a bit of lipstick before hauling the whole shebang out the door for the benefit of others. I have said it before and I will say it again. I am a broad and proud of it.

[mom2att]

I am not a cook. I cook because we have to eat but (1) I don't enjoy it (2) I'm not very good at it (3) and if I never had to cook another meal in my life I would be over the moon thrilled about it.

 

This. I'd rather spend time doing things that I do well and enjoy. Heck, I'd rather spend time doing laundry. We all have our gifts . . . cooking is so not mine.

[mom2att]

:iagree:I'm so joining this club- Women Over 40 Who Would Rather Do Just About Anything Rather Than Cook (Need your yard raked, someone to fold laundry, someone to take your children to the dentist, a bunch of lapbooks cut and stored ready for assembly? Call me and I'll join the party. You want to hang out in the kitchen? I'll pass.)

 

Sign me up, sista!

[Peela]

I am often surprised when I am the only one to bring something home made- usually simple, healthy- to a pot luck or evening at someone's place. I do notice not a lot of people enjoy hostessing or enjoy cooking as a creative activity, the way I do. However, I dont come across so many who dont cook at all because in my circles most poeple are interested in health, and its hard to eat out all the time if you want to eat healthy. So they seem to be able to get by and make their lentil soups and salads.

 

My kids are just not so interested in cooking and I am a little disappointed about it. They can do a great breakfast (eggs, mushrooms etc) for 5 or 6 people (lots of practice) but they dont bake much at all (but then, neither do I) or look up cookbooks for fun. They can make themselves a pasta meal or microwave nachos. When I have tried to include cooking in school, they only have mild enthusiasm and it doesn't seem to carry over past the event.

My mum was/is a good cook and I love to cook (although making meals for my family is not so rewarding, it hasn't actually killed my love of cooking)- I used to drive my mum crazy by making such a mess making cakes and experiments in the kitchen. But my kids...nope. So, I presume they will get by on what they do know and are familiar with (we eat pretty healthy) and learn the skills when they need to, I guess when there is some motivation.

 

DH doesnt/won't cook. That doesn't help. An enthusiastic dad in the kitchen must help sons see its ok for males to cook.

 

ETA: my kids, as well as dh and I, snack on a lot of fruit. We eat a lot of salad except in the really cold weather. Not all food preparation involves actual cooking and its quite possible to make a decent lunch (avocado, salad, crackers or bread)- or breakfast (cereal, smoothies, fruit, yoghurt)- without cooking at all. We eat a lot of avocados. Getting into the raw food movement helped me realise that fancy food preparation is really not so necessary, if you simplify your tastes and are happy with fruit and vegetables, and a few condiments (we love Braggs on everything). The rest is gravy. So, I guess when I think about it, my kids wouldnt starve- they would eat fruit, cereal, smoothies if they had a blender, raw vegetables, toast, eggs, pasta, stirfried meat. They might not make a curry or a soup but they would eat reasonably well until they got curious enough to learn to make a soup or curry.

Edited November 25, 2010 by Peela

[jg_puppy]

 

[lisabees]

This. I'd rather spend time doing things that I do well and enjoy. Heck, I'd rather spend time doing laundry. We all have our gifts . . . cooking is so not mine.

 

How about you do my laundry and I cook for you? I would be in heaven. :001_smile:

 

Most of my friends hate to cook. They eat because they have to, not because they love it. Their houses are neat and their laundry is done.

 

My two friends who love to cook are free spirits, creative, disorganized. This also describes me.

 

Hmmm...

[lisabelle]

So my question is, how did you learn healthy eating habits?????

 

 

When I moved out of my parents' house it was to go to college. First year I was living in the dorms with my best friend from high school. Obviously, I didn't learn anything then. But the second year she and I moved into an apartment together. She did grow up eating very healthy. Her family was traditional Chinese, and her mom was an EXCELLENT cook. Everything tasted so fresh and wonderful at their house.

 

So when we went grocery shopping, honestly, I was at a loss. I watched Fei to learn what kinds of things to buy. She didn't cook too much, but I learned what I could watching her when she did.

 

I started dating dh halfway through my freshman year in college and by my sophomore year we were inseparable. We ate out a lot. I was at college on scholarship; I was paying my own way. So he (his parents, really) paid for all our meals out. I felt bad about that. And I felt like a way in which I could even the playing field and give back would be to make more meals for us. So, little by little, I learned to cook.

 

Dh has a *strong* family history of coronary artery disease, so he was already eating for that at the age of 21. To this day he doesn't like *heavy* meals--he's not a meat and potatoes kind of guy--so when I cooked, I'd use recipes that were the kinds of things I'd see him eat in restaurants. And over time it got to be easier and more natural to cook.

[KidsHappen]

I don't cook and I really have no desire to do so. My 14 year old imformed me last night that she couldn't even pop a pop tart. She is not terribly off base either. Things manage to catch fire if she even walks into the kitchen. I figure it is just like any other skill. Not everyone wants to crochet, or play tennis or cook. No big deal as far as I am concerned.

[CalicoKat]

I can cook, I'd just rather stick rusty nails in my eyeballs than spend time in my kitchen.

 

(I am seriously trying to change this)

 

:lol: totally understand! :lol:

[Barry Goldwater]

for an outraged post about what a sexist question this is...135 posted in and no-one (unless I missed it) has launched!

 

If a man had posted this question, would he have gotten the same grace?

 

Pondered in a charitable spirit :001_smile:

[Jean in Newcastle]

for an outraged post about what a sexist question this is...135 posted in and no-one (unless I missed it) has launched!

 

If a man had posted this question, would he have gotten the same grace?

 

Pondered in a charitable spirit :001_smile:

 

You missed it.

[Barry Goldwater]

You missed it.

 

Thanks. The question is cheerfully withdrawn! :D