Why does a teenager need texting?

[Catherine]

my son is a good example of the upside to text messaging. His closest friends all live far away from us, and he keeps in touch with them by texting. I came to rely on it when he traveled alone (yes, at 16 and 17 he traveled several hours from home alone), because I didn't need to answer the phone to communicate with him, if I was driving, or in a place without a signal, I'd still get his text.

 

I personally preferred that he text with his friends, rather than only talk on the phone. I don't like having the phone tied up for more than a couple of minutes.

[Daisy]

Funny.

 

I just stumbled upon this post/article.

 

The Phone Call is Dead.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm a dinosaur.

 

I'm a dinosaur too. We have a cell phone mainly for emergency use. My kids are with me 90% of the time so they don't need a cell phone for emergency or any other use. The 10% of time they are on their own, they can borrow my cell.

 

They have friends. They talk to them on the phone or e-mail them. I don't see a need to talk to my friends multiple times a day and I don't really see a need for them to do so either. But it hasn't come up as a perceived need of theirs either.

[Crissy]

I just don't necessarily buy into the *need* to be connected or available all the time.

 

I'm with you on that point, Daisy.

There are a number of people in my life who expect me to always be availabe because I have a cell phone.

I have no interest in being 'on call' for everyone in my life, so I answer my phone (calls or texts) at my convenience, not anyone elses.

[Nestof3]

I don't have a problem with texting, but it's so time-consuming. I see our eldest take so much time back and forth when a simple phone call would take much less time.

 

I can see its usefulness, but I can also see its drawbacks.

 

I see the phone bill, and he spends WAY too much time texting. He was so lazy about getting around to changing from his 250 texts to unlimited, that he has spent double his phone bill for several months. His last cell phone bill was $110. It could have been $35. I don't really care since he pays for it.

 

He's also always reading and sending texts or leaving the table to do so, which I find annoying. I never phoned people that much growing up, but his cell phone is always buzzing.

 

The other thing is that a child can text on and on his his/her bedroom in total silence where as hearing the voice during a phone call would alert the parent that the child has spent enough time chatting for the day on the phone.

 

Even when I'm out with a friend for coffee, she sets her cell phone on the table. Her husband texts her things like, "Just got the kids McDonalds." Who in the world cares? Can she not go two hours without needing a cell phone? I doubt he would take the time to call her to tell her that. So, I think people end up wasting a lot of time with the gadgets.

 

Oh and no texting on phones until the person is old enough to pay for his own cell phone plan. In fact, no cell phone until so.

[Hunter's Moon]

I'm a teen so maybe I can help??

 

I text, but not obsessively. I think as long as there are restrictions (not at the table, not at social functions, not when with others, not past a certain time, etc., etc.) there is nothing wrong with it.

 

The only time I can text is after all my school work is done and not past 11 pm on weeknights. On weekends, I am allowed to text as late as I want, as long as I get up for whatever function I must attend the next day.

 

I only text about 2 people on a regular basis. My boyfriend in college who can't talk on the phone anymore because he has roommates, and my sister because she no longer lives at home so I am the main way of communication between her and my parents.

 

I like texting better than talking on the phone. I hate walking around with a phone connected to my ear. Plus, I have hearing issues so texting is just easier.

[WagsWife]

We text quit a bit around here, but not to the exclusion of face-to-face communication. I think it's a mistake to believe that it has to be that way.

 

Of course, everyone knows the kid who won't put down the phone at dinner or during church. Similarly, 20 years ago everyone knew the kid who spent every waking hour on the phone with her girlfriends.

IMO it's a discipline issue and different families have different standards.

 

My boys don't answer thier phones or read incoming texts when they are in the middle of a conversation with someone. They know that is rude.

They also turn their phones off completely when it is appropriate (school concerts, in church, at family meals, etc.).

 

It requires setting a few strict ground rules before the phone comes into the house, as well as a lot of discussion about appropriate phone/texting behavior and others' perceptions of the same.

 

:iagree: We have an unlimited texting plan, but we have very specific rules, so it has never been a problem. From the very beginning our kids have known:

~ Texting while having a conversation with an adult is not allowed.

~ No texting at the table

~ No texting after certain times at night

~ Text lingo is not to be used outside of texting...even on Facebook.

~ ONLY PARENTS will erase messages. If message boxes are getting full, the kids must bring phones to either DH or I to have them cleared off. We may also check messages randomly.

[Night Elf]

Sorry, no help from me either. I used to spend hours on the phone when I was a teen. It drove my mom nuts. I don't have that problem with my children. Besides, texting is just plain cool. It's a very efficient method of communicating, IMHO.

 

I don't think it's fair to make a decision for your dd based upon your own personal interests, unless you have something truly against the cell phone. I mean, just because you wouldn't use that feature doesn't mean it's not something she would find useful and fun. What if she helped pay for it through either allowance or extra chores and agreed to rules for it?

[Danestress]

No one really "needs" texting.

 

But I find texting very convenient and I am glad my kids have it. If I am picking them up somewhere, I can text them that I am running late. They can text me that traffic is bad coming home from swim practice in a carpool. They can text me, "Remember to bring my Latin book when you come to get me" or whatever.

 

My tennis player makes plans via texting to hit with his buddies. He texts to find doubles partners for tournaments, finds out how his friends are doing in competition, etc. It's very useful for him. When my boys are separated, they text each other.

 

We have unlimited texting but pay for talking on the cell phones. We almost never talk on them though. Once we learned to text, it's just so much quicker and less intrusive.

 

Most of the problems of texting are problems of inappropriate use. I make my kids leave their cell phones downstairs at night so there is no late night texting. They don't have them during school hours either, and, of course, we don't allow them to use texting at the dinner table or when we are doing something together as a family. If they are with another family, they know that they can check their texts to see if we have tried to contact them, but they are not allowed to text with one friend when they are hanging out with another.

 

It's just not been a big problem here. It lets them be in touch with friends, but honestly, they don't text all that much. One sends/recieves about 20 a day and some of those are from/to me and DH. The other sends/receives even fewer.

 

I do know some kids who seem to be obsessed with their phones, but these are probably the same girls who talked on their phones all night back when we were kids.

[The Girls' Mom]

Probably a rarity these days, but we are a non-texting family. My cell just makes calls. My teen doesn't have a cell phone at all. We survive just fine. It's not a need.

[bunnyvirus]

basically keep in touch with friends. They like the smiley face abilities and the fact that most phones have facebook, myspace or twitter on them. Plus "everyone has it"

[Parrothead]

Where we lived from 06-09 didn't have cell service. ;) No one texted. Here we have cell service available but the texting plans costs are outrageous. There isn't much competition (only 2 cell companies) so there is no reason to for either of them to be reasonable.

 

So, no, when my dd is a teen there won't be any texting if we are still living here. Just to have 3 phones (dd's is only $10.00/month) we are paying $100.00 per month. Dawn mentioned unlimited texting for her son was $35.00 per month. For us, the $35.00 a month is on top of cell service at $45.00 per month.

Edited November 17, 2010 by Parrothead

[bugs]

I appreciate other perspectives, thank you. Now I guess I must think this through some more.:glare::D

[Gwenhwyfar]

110 degrees and I break down in the desert

 

gah! can we stick with my snow drift example plz? :p

[AngieW in Texas]

When our contracts are up in June, we are all getting texting phones rather than the phones we have now. Right now only the 12yo has a texting phone. We all have unlimited texting (that was actually cheaper than adding it just to the 12yo's phone), but none of the rest of us were interested in texting. That's the primary way my 12yo's friends communicated. In the past 1.5 years, we have all had the 12yo send out texts for us many times because it's just so much faster to do on a texting phone. Texting is extremely convenient.

 

Texting doesn't have to be isolating. It's only isolating if you allow it to be isolating.

[LuvingLife]

My daughter desperately wants a new cell phone with texting capability. I really see no reason to have such a thing. My husband and I do not try to keep up with the latest technology so we do not see texting's value. I guess I see it as one step closer to living in isolation while never alone.

 

Anyway, I think I am asking for help to articulate to my 14 year old why she can't have it. Can y'all help?:lol:

 

Well, I am one of those teens that have a texting phone, lol I have the gravity 3 and I love it. Just got it, and I only text to keep in touch with my friend and my parents always check my phone to make sure I am not sending any inapproprate texts. Lol, I prefer texting than talking on the phone. If I need to send a message, I can and my friends will get back to me when they can. And I only text at certain times, and have to stop at certain times as well.

 

You can also control the texting as well, and if he goes over, then that's when your child can start taking more responsiblity and pay for the texts that cost you guys extra.

 

Sorry for not convincing your teen not to get a texting phone!;)

[Starr]

Our kids have trac phones and they don't have unlimited texting. That limits the amount of texting they do. I find it convenient to keep in touch with them.

[kalanamak]

Life gets so busy, it's nice to be able to connect other ways.

 

Thank you. I now understand why I don't even need a cell phone: my goal is the NOT have a life so busy I need one. I'd never been able to put it into words.

[KLynnTX]

Probably a rarity these days, but we are a non-texting family. My cell just makes calls. My teen doesn't have a cell phone at all. We survive just fine. It's not a need.

 

 

I agree! This describes our family as well.

[LibraryLover]

Teens do not need texting.

 

Women who send grocery notes to their dhs do.

 

Bread (only if they have the organic whole grain out, otherwise, forget it)

Yogurt (plain, not the Stoneyfield tubes-- the small Greek one. I am making burritos)

Conditioner (get the small Pantene...I am going to the hairdresser Wed and will get my brand)

1 or 2 avocados (but only if they are ripe...I have two unripe ones here I can't use)

 

 

Etc

 

U no.

Edited November 18, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Plucky]

Thank you. I now understand why I don't even need a cell phone: my goal is the NOT have a life so busy I need one. I'd never been able to put it into words.

 

Well, that is one way to take it. My life is delightfully busy with homeschooling 4 kids, a traveling dh, extended family, lots of wonderful activities and friends. I don't give my number out to anyone but family. My family needs to be able to reach me and I enjoy chatting with them and my mom in texts. :D

[ereks mom]

Sorry, I can't help you. I didn't think texting was a big deal until I started. I hardly ever talk on the phone anymore :D

 

 

 

Same here. :iagree:

[cindergretta]

Well, that is one way to take it. My life is delightfully busy with homeschooling 4 kids, a traveling dh, extended family, lots of wonderful activities and friends. I don't give my number out to anyone but family. My family needs to be able to reach me and I enjoy chatting with them and my mom in texts. :D

 

Yup yup!! :D I really enjoy the bustle of 6 dc and all the accompanying activity! And with some of them older now, we aren't always all in the same place at the same time anymore. I love that we can still be totally up-to-date on OT in soccer, the movie ending, and a friend wanting to come over. (I am soooo going to miss this when my chickies fly the coop...)

[kalanamak]

I appreciate other perspectives, thank you. Now I guess I must think this through some more.:glare::D

 

Well, one more thought. Texting is new. While some mention how they love the bustle and checking up on/in with their large families, I come from a large family that was, obviously, pre-texting. My mother, I state with confidence, would have found having her bubbling active family of 6 bright-eyed and energetic children all the MORE reason not to be texting back and forth, checking up on movies or practice.

 

I work with many texters, the biggest texters being women. Many communicate all day with their teens+. I don't mean to trash them, these are nurses I just love, but I hope I crack myself over the head before I become this kind of parent. Text teen to be sure to get ready in time to make it to their interview (kid is 19), reply on "what to wear" to interview. Text asking her if she is stopping to get work clothes on the way home. When friend learns daughter isn't sure, text her to make sure she texts on the way home letting them know if she is stopping or not, so friend won't worry. Etc. Day after day, break after break, even sneaking texts on the job.

 

I certainly don't mean to denigrate anyone, but I don't want a child that dependent on constant social reinforcement. Could it be these good, caring mothers would have slightly more independent children if they weren't able to pepper them all day with questions and reminders. Sometimes the kids fight, and text mom at the same time, with "he did this, she did that".

 

I can converse with people. I can write or chat in person (today I had an RN, a social worker and a secretary with tears in their eyes with laughter, describing a terrible remodel at my last place of work), but I have a profound respect for privacy-time. For silence. For independence. For thinking my family members are putt-putting along effectively, safely, happily, all by themselves. For confidence that the world turns and I don't need to be reassured or entertained 20 or more times a day. That my family is near and dear even if I don't see or hear from them for hours and hours. That there is something relaxing and profoundly good in not micromanaging, for not being "in on everything".

 

Perhaps I will be in the last generation of people affluent enough to text, but who just don't, and not from inability or sloth, but because I don't believe in living a lifestyle with such tight specs, with such fluidity and seize-the-moment, you have to have texting to get by.

[FeFe]

DS13 has a cell with texting. It's just the preferred way to communicate among most teens.

 

He had it taken away for a while and there was someone he needed/wanted to contact to let them know why he wasn't "communicating". We told him to call using the home phone-he wasn't grounded for that. He thought that was the most archaic idea! "Mom! NO ONE does that anymore!" And he didn't.

 

We have rules - the biggest one being that it gets turned in every night to us.

 

He's not at the driving age yet but I try to lead by example and not use my cell phone at all when I am driving.

 

It's definitely not a need or a must but it's something they love. It's convenient.

[TheApprentice]

It's easier for my ds 12 to keep in contact with his friends because he is not much for talking long on the phone, and they really don't have a lot to say, just wanting to keep in contact. Plus, like another pm stated, they need a little conformity at this age.

[Mejane]

Teens do not need texting.

 

Women who send grocery notes to their dhs do.

 

Bread (only if they have the organic whole grain out, otherwise, forget it)

Yogurt (plain, not the Stoneyfield tubes-- the small Greek one. I am making burritos)

Conditioner (get the small Pantene...I am going to the hairdresser Wed and will get my brand)

1 or 2 avocados (but only if they are ripe...I have two unripe ones here I can't use)

 

 

Etc

 

U no.

 

:lol: I SO no.

 

I don't text, but this is how I handwrite lists for my dh. "Small 8oz cont. It's red w/ blue letters. Near the cheese. About .89" He STILL gets the wrong thing!

[Plucky]

I appreciate other perspectives, thank you. Now I guess I must think this through some more.:glare::D

 

If she's not ready maturity-wise or you just don't want her to have it that is all that matters. A few years ago I would have been solidly in the don't need to text camp, too. We use texting here and while the kids don't abuse it, we do have boundaries.

 

There is plenty of time in the future to add texting or not. Not letting her text will not harm her.

[Starr]

DD says, "to tell Mom they've arrived."

[Perry]

DD says, "to tell Mom they've arrived."

:iagree:

Half of my texts are between my 16 year old new driver and me.

[Crissy]

:iagree:

Half of my texts are between my 16 year old new driver and me.

 

:iagree:

I really appreciate the texts from my new driver.

I always get, "I'm here," and "I'm on my way home."

[Margaret in GA]

Haven't read all the replies, but wanted to chime in. If you do decide to allow texting, limit the amount they can text or they may become obsessive (as my daughter was) and please take the phone up at night. Also wouldn't hurt to let them know that you will occasionally take a peek.

-Margaret

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I haven't read all pages but has anyone else observed that they seem to have evolved to have lost the ability to speak and now converse with their thumbs? :D

 

Seriously-my nearest and dearest teens spend more time typing to their friends/boyfriends than speaking-even if they have unlimited minutes and texts.

 

But hey-my own kids don't have cell phones so what do I know?

[bugs]

Perhaps I will be in the last generation of people affluent enough to text, but who just don't, and not from inability or sloth, but because I don't believe in living a lifestyle with such tight specs, with such fluidity and seize-the-moment, you have to have texting to get by.

 

I guess there will be a couple of us in that camp.

[QueenCat]

I just don't necessarily buy into the *need* to be connected or available all the time. And honestly, I think it is rude that society assumes we are available. Just the very idea that a youth group could choose to make last minute changes, txt msg everyone, and assume that everyone got the message, kinda irks me. LOL. I'm a dinosaur.

 

They do send out by email, and will try calling those without texting. It is rare. The last time, it was because the bowling alley lost our reservation, which wasn't discovered until about 15 minutes before the event. So they were trying to get in touch with people as quickly as possible, so they would know to go to the church instead.

[Kari C in SC]

Haven't read all of this... my 12 year old dd does not have a phone. My older ds got one when he was 16. I loved his ability to text me and send me picture mail. When I miss him, sometimes I look through the past texts and pictures he sent me. We felt connected even though we were so far apart.

 

Now, for me, I love texting because people can send me addresses or telephone numbers in a text. No need to find a pen and paper, etc. Very handy when you need info from somebody.

 

I still have oldest ds cell phone - a very nice smart phone that he bought. I am very torn about letting our 12 year old daughter use it because we made him pay the $10 a month for his phone when he was 16. Made a pretty big deal about the responsibility of it. Somehow, I just want to give her her brother's phone though.

[SailorMom]

My 14 ds has a cell phone - just got it this summer. We blocked texting. We have numerous reasons - but the main one is that I can't stnad how obsessive the kids get, and how rude they are about it.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Well, my teen doesn't text much - only to me to tell me when that he got where he was going or that he will be late coming home from his college classes. And these were at my insistence. I find it a convenient way to communicate a quick tid-bit to someone when I know it is not convenient to answer the phone. If talking is an option, I encourage it. I text my son while he is in class if I need to tell him something, but I don't expect him to read it until he gets out. He doesn't have to log on to the troublesome network to get an email that may or may not have been delivered yet.

 

So, this boils down to maybe 15 texts a month - not just chatting, but mostly logistics.

[KidsHappen]

Sorry, no help here either. A child who will not answer a phone will answer a text. What's funny in this family is that I don't have texting so if I need to get ahold of someone, I have to call someone who will answer the phone and has texting and tell them to text the child I need to talk to and have them call me. We have one go to person in our family, if an adult calls this person they answer and if they call anyone else that person will answer. I guess it's our form of an emergency tree.