People of faith, do you befriend "others"?

[Gwenhwyfar]

frankly, i'm surprised that so many are saying "oh yes we make friends with everyone" .... i've seen way more of the opposite.

 

most of the ladies in the local homeschool group here are very careful not to be "yoked" with "unbelievers" and they'll tell you that right up front.

 

[and if you WERE a christian but aren't anymore? forget it.]

 

 

on my own: i don't give a rat's fuzzy butt what religious beliefs my friends have. if you're my friend, then you're my friend. you can worship the mysterious mud monster from mars if you like. :w00t:

[GWOB]

frankly, i'm surprised that so many are saying "oh yes we make friends with everyone" .... i've seen way more of the opposite.

 

most of the ladies in the local homeschool group here are very careful not to be "yoked" with "unbelievers" and they'll tell you that right up front.

 

[and if you WERE a christian but aren't anymore? forget it.]

 

 

on my own: i don't give a rat's fuzzy butt what religious beliefs my friends have. if you're my friend, then you're my friend. you can worship the mysterious mud monster from mars if you like. :w00t:

 

Sorry that has happened to you. This has happened to me too, and I'm a Christian. Apparently I'm not the "right" kind of Christian since I believe in infant baptism, don't hate up on the gays, sympathize with the struggles of immigrants, and am not politically conservative. I was almost an ex-Christian because of "fundies" ruining Jesus for me. We aren't all like the people you mentioned. IME, most of the "nice" Christians are just hanging out at home, popping open a can of beer or bottle of wine, and just living life. Some of us want our loving, kind Jesus back.

[Pretty in Pink]

frankly, i'm surprised that so many are saying "oh yes we make friends with everyone" .... i've seen way more of the opposite.

 

most of the ladies in the local homeschool group here are very careful not to be "yoked" with "unbelievers" and they'll tell you that right up front.

 

 

This has been my experience as well (and I am a Christian). :grouphug:

[justamouse]

Sorry that has happened to you. This has happened to me too, and I'm a Christian. Apparently I'm not the "right" kind of Christian since I believe in infant baptism, don't hate up on the gays, sympathize with the struggles of immigrants, and am not politically conservative. I was almost an ex-Christian because of "fundies" ruining Jesus for me. We aren't all like the people you mentioned. IME, most of the "nice" Christians are just hanging out at home, popping open a can of beer or bottle of wine, and just living life. Some of us want our loving, kind Jesus back.

 

Amen.

 

And the same has happened to me, on loops, it's the reason I won't join Christian homeschooling co ops, and all that.

 

 

frankly, i'm surprised that so many are saying "oh yes we make friends with everyone" .... i've seen way more of the opposite.

 

most of the ladies in the local homeschool group here are very careful not to be "yoked" with "unbelievers" and they'll tell you that right up front.

 

[and if you WERE a christian but aren't anymore? forget it.]

 

 

 

:iagree:

[Jean in Newcastle]

frankly, i'm surprised that so many are saying "oh yes we make friends with everyone" .... i've seen way more of the opposite.

 

most of the ladies in the local homeschool group here are very careful not to be "yoked" with "unbelievers" and they'll tell you that right up front.

 

[and if you WERE a christian but aren't anymore? forget it.]

 

 

on my own: i don't give a rat's fuzzy butt what religious beliefs my friends have. if you're my friend, then you're my friend. you can worship the mysterious mud monster from mars if you like. :w00t:

 

Well, people who are more inclusive in their relationships are more likely to respond to this thread.;)

[Renee in NC]

Well, people who are more inclusive in their relationships are more likely to respond to this thread.;)

 

Yes. And people on this board are (in general) more likely to be open to non-Christian friends than those on an exclusively Christian board.

[Osmosis Mom]

Well, people who are more inclusive in their relationships are more likely to respond to this thread.;)

 

That sounds true. I have not been able to really make friends with other homeschoolers -and I am quite the friendly person myself and my kids are lovely...

 

Well, I should correct that. Catholics do gravitate towards me and I love the friendships we have built. UUs talk to me in public, but rarely form private friendships with me; guess the ones I have met talk the talk, but don't walk the walk....

 

I don't care at this point. Good riddance is all I think these days and then I go chat with my Catholic friends (or Muslim ones). So much for trying to cross brdiges and expand boundaries.

 

Oh yes, Jewish people also talk to me in public, showing tolerance and all, but in the end, we don't form personal friendships...

 

I might regret posting this, but whatever. Being nearly 40 I guess I don't care about offending people anymore! My post is not meant to be a generalization of everyone, but of my own experiences. It blows my mind that my Catholic friends feel ostracized because they are amazing people. As are my family and myself, btw!!!!

[Gwenhwyfar]

Well, people who are more inclusive in their relationships are more likely to respond to this thread.;)

 

good point.

 

i would like say one thing extra: my post was specific to the experiences that i've had IRL ~ on the other hand, i *have* met some christians online (mainly through this board) who don't hold to that exclusionary standard and i'm quite glad to call them friends.

 

now if they'd just move their tails to the great white north we'd be all good. :thumbup:

[Jenny in Atl]

 

What matters to me is whether we can have an easy conversation. Whether we can joke and laugh. Whether we have anything in common. Whether I feel like I can be myself with you. Whether you are nice to my kids when you talk to them. Whether your kids play nicely with my kids and seem to enjoy each other's company. Whether you seem to be a decent person in general.

 

 

 

As an "other" I love this... :grouphug:

[justamouse]

..

 

I might regret posting this, but whatever. Being nearly 40 I guess I don't care about offending people anymore! My post is not meant to be a generalization of everyone, but of my own experiences. It blows my mind that my Catholic friends feel ostracized because they are amazing people. As are my family and myself, btw!!!!

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Daisy]

I find this difficult to answer.

 

The only non-christians I am friends with in REAL life are my neighbors. And we have great relationships with them. Our immediate neighbor has young children who are homeschooled through the local ps charter and our children play with them a lot. The rest of the neighbors are older so it is more along the lines of sitting on the front porch chit-chatting.

 

If I'm honest, the vast majority of my social interactions come from my church and my christian homeschool group. That's the hub of our life.

 

I'm open and willing to be friends with people of other faiths or no faith but we don't run in the same circles so I'm not even meeting you, kwim? I can't find an inclusive homeschool group other than the local public school homeschool charter and well, since I'm an independent homeschooler I'm not welcome to their events (understandable).

 

Oh, I did finally hook up with 3 or 4 other homeschool families to go to the pumpkin patch this past week. We met at the once-a-month roller rink homeschool event (which is inclusive) and decided to get together. I have no clue if they are christians or not. We weren't comparing religion cards on the first date. :tongue_smilie:

 

I have many many secular friends on-line though. I'm not sure how virtual friends stack up in this thread. ;)

[Dobela]

I am a Christian. It depends on the person. I have many friends that are not the same faith as our family. As long as we have other things in common, faith is not such a big deal. It is nice if we have the same faith background, but not a requirement by any means. I will say though that I do limit some interactions of my children within other religious activities. I don't allow my children to miss our chruch services unless sick. I believe the way I do and I do believe it is right and most correct (and others in other religions believe they are right and most correct so I mean no disrespect or judgement). I want my children to believe as I do so I don't just allow an open door into other religions unless I am with them as a sounding board. It may sound harsh, but my Jewish friends, my Pagan, and my Hindu friends are the same way - their children attend with them only. We do discuss differences (and many similarities) when together but their children don't attend religious worship with me and mine don't go with them. As the children age, that may change some, but for now, that is the way it is. Each of us respects that each family's religious choice is very important to that family. Our friendship is more than our religions though - our kids like the same things, our goals as a parent are very similar, our teaching philosophies and discipline techniques are similar, we like the same things as adults....

 

We (dh and I) are cautious about who our children make friends with - and who influences them. That is ok. I do try to limit who my children are exposed to - but it involves more than just religion. Some family is given limited contact because their views are in direct opposite of us and those family members seem bent on contradicting us at every turn. Our views are not respected.

 

I am a Christian. I have been rejected and judged more by other Christians than any other group. My children are not the same color as me (races aren't to mix), we don't attend the right congregation, we don't believe in the correct way, our church doesn't have the right kind of music, my son doesn't play the right sports, we are too liberal/too conservative, we make too much/too little money, we don't sell Amway/Arbonne/Avon/Tupperware/etc ... The list goes on and on.

[jplain]

I have to be honest that when I am friends with non-Christians, I am hoping that by loving them, showing them the faith in my life, etc., they will come to faith.

 

(snip)

 

But we wouldn't hide that part of our lives, and we would be praying for your salvation. :001_smile: That may make some not want to be friends with us, I've found; they only want to be friends with Christians who are willing to pretend they're not when they're with non-Christians.

Would you be bothered if this intention was reciprocated? If your atheist friend was honest with you about hoping your friendship will lead you to renounce your faith, would this be a problem?

[Daisy]

Would you be bothered if this intention was reciprocated? If your atheist friend was honest with you about hoping your friendship will lead you to renounce your faith, would this be a problem?

 

I've found most Christians assume this very thing and it is partly why they limit their interactions with non-christians or at the very least limit their children's interactions with non-christians.

[Osmosis Mom]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thanks for the hugs. Just know I don't feel sorry for myself or my kids. I have gotten to the point where I have accepted it!! Right now my kids are hanging with some of their absolute best buddies -a sibling group of Irish parents (although I am not sure they are still Catholics, but we don't really talk religion when we talk parenting, values, joke around or lament over our husbands..). The mother is an ex-homeschooler, btw, so we even associate with off-cast kids ((just kidding, haha!!).

[Jenny in Atl]

Would you be bothered if this intention was reciprocated? If your atheist friend was honest with you about hoping your friendship will lead you to renounce your faith, would this be a problem?

 

I've always found this interesting... And, I can only speck for myself, but I really have no vested interest in what others choose to believe. I wish not to change someones faith, make them an unbeliever. As far as I know my other agnostic/atheist friends feel the same way. I do think many of us have issues when those of various faiths wish to impose their values/etc on others. Then that becomes a problem. But, then that's just the struggle we as humans have in general, trying to live together with so many ways of seeing, believing, and doing.

[LauraGB]

So how do you deal with these situations if you're religious, and what is the general consensus among your religious friends?

 

:grouphug: That's a seriously stinky situation. While I know a few Christians who are like that (and, I don't think it's the "Christianity" speaking for these people - they just are truly narrow minded individuals, faith or not), I simply can't imagine choosing friends based on their religion, or lack there of. Seems kind of petty in the grand scheme of things, kwim?

[JoyfulMama]

Sorry that has happened to you. This has happened to me too, and I'm a Christian. Apparently I'm not the "right" kind of Christian since I believe in infant baptism, don't hate up on the gays, sympathize with the struggles of immigrants, and am not politically conservative. I was almost an ex-Christian because of "fundies" ruining Jesus for me. We aren't all like the people you mentioned. IME, most of the "nice" Christians are just hanging out at home, popping open a can of beer or bottle of wine, and just living life. Some of us want our loving, kind Jesus back.

 

I KNEW I had more friends in Nebraska! We live in NE for a year, and during that time I did find a group of secular homeschoolers to join. I also found that there were many Christian homeschooling groups, some more exclusive than others. The most common thing, though, was that many Christian folks wanted an outward visable symbol of my faith, and that wearing such was like a secret password into a group. Never before had I been greeted with "Where do you go to church?" I think many families socially centered themselves around their churches, so they were looking for a common bond, not necessarily to have me pass a litmus test.

[angela in ohio]

This is a fine line for me, as an atheist. Some Christians are more than happy to be friends as long as they don't have to keep quiet about thier faith. (This is how you seem from your post, Angela...) That's great- I want friends who can be themselves around me.

 

However, some Christians will only befriend a non-Christian for the express purpose of "saving" them. I don't want to be anyone's science fair project or another tick mark in their Bible.

 

I find I have more in common with many Christians than some atheists, and atheists are harder to come by in this country- so most of my friends are Christian.

 

I wouldn't befriend you as a project. As your friend, I would want salvation for you, obviously, but I wouldn't befriend you only to "save" you. In my beliefs, I don't think *I* can save you, only God, and that is different. I am commanded to live out what he calls me to be: loving, Christ-like, a servant. It is not my job to choose who I think should "get saved" by me.

 

It sounds like there's no difference, but there is. As you said, it's a fine line.

[HRAAB]

I don't ask people what religion they are. I can't honestly say I ever gave it much thought until my children were shunned (and I don't use that word lightly) at some local Christian homeschool gatherings. Given the opportunity to see what it felt like from the other perspective made me look closely at my own behavior.

 

I would not hesitate to limit my children's contact with families who engage in behaviors I don't approve of (Christian or not), I but I do not limit our contact based on religion. Somehow, imo, that is not imitating Jesus.

[angela in ohio]

Would you be bothered if this intention was reciprocated? If your atheist friend was honest with you about hoping your friendship will lead you to renounce your faith, would this be a problem?

 

No, it wouldn't bother me. Anone can hope whatever they want. I'm more interested in how they act toward me.

[VBoulden]

Great question.

 

I haven't read anyone else's response to your question, but this is my response to you.

 

I'm a Christian and I "make friends" with people of other faiths and even those with no visible faith at all, etc.

 

I did not always do this, however. At one time, I actually avoided making friends with people who didn't share my faith. I wouldn't even be friends with other Christians who disagreed with my theology or who did things differently than I did.

 

I am sure it will come as no surprise that I didn't have many friends at that point and therefore, didn't have much opportunity to share the gospel.

 

But, my attitude has changed of late. I am more comfortable and confident investing myself in relationships that really challenge me and force me to confront some of the things about my own beliefs that I don't fully understand, even after following Christ for almost fifteen years.

 

For example, I spent time talking to a man last week at a home school event who is passionate about practicing ancient Native American Spirituality. This man and I were never alone. My conscience wouldn't have been comfortable with that... other home school moms were around, but our conversation went to spiritual things and I took the opportunity to be honest about my relationship with Christ.

 

My spirit is still in knots about all that he said, but I am also really excited about the fact that I was able to tell him that Jesus claimed to be the only way to God and that I, personally, belief that this is true. "I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father but by me..."

 

Speaking from my own experience, I think some Christians are afraid to confront the challenges that friendships with "outsiders" will, no doubt, present to themselves and their kids... This is (somewhat) understandable.

 

I've got so much to do already that I am lucky to study Scripture and pray and answer my own questions about God! ...How can I even possibly manage if I add all the potential questions someone else may add to my plate or produce in my heart as a result of spending time with them?!

 

But, I think we are all missing the boat when we don't make room for people in our lives. I think about the verse, "How can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one they have not heard about?"

 

I know some Christians think "evangelism isn't my gift" but it's pretty clear from Scripture that we are all supposed to be reaching out to the people God puts in our lives.

 

We also think that we are supposed to "be ye separate" and we think that means we shouldn't associate with outsiders on a friend level and that it is only appropriate for us to smile, shake their hands, and give them tracts. But, Jesus made it clear that we were supposed to do more than say "Go, be warm and well fed..." We are suppose to minister to people, meet their physical needs even before meeting their spiritual ones, etc. We should really CARE about them.

 

How can we effectively share the good news if we don't really even LIKE people? Or if we don't even respect them? ...People aren't stupid. They can tell when we can't even stand the sight of them or when we think we are better than them. And, they don't want to hear about a Jesus who approves of that kind of heart- attitude in his followers.

 

I don't think I would either.

 

We have to find a way to be "in the world and not of it."

 

The man I was talking to also mentioned something that lead me to believe he thought open sexual relationships were alright... I can't remember his exact words, but to whatever he said, I said that I "keep myself only unto my husband" and I believe I should "Be holy... for God is holy." etc. It was an uncomfortable conversation to have, but I am not any "less holy" having been around this man in this context. If anything... I am more stirred up to be near to God so that I can handle all the challenges that conversation put in my heart and mind.

 

I will not seek this man out again. (I actually try to avoid conversations with men, as a general safe-guard for purity). But, as God leads my steps, sometimes I am given opportunities and if the environment is safe and appropriate, as it was that day, I trust God and just ask him to give me the words to say.

 

We Christians have a powerful truth to offer people. We shouldn't keep our light under a bushel by keeping those who aren't believers at arms length.

Edited October 24, 2010 by VBoulden

[muffinmom]

Short answer: yes, we do. Absolutely.

 

 

:iagree:

[Michelle My Bell]

This is so incredibly sad.

 

I'm going to go on a tear, so I'll just start with a basic definition: the Samaritans hated the Jews. For any non-bible readers out there, the Samaritans claimed that their religion was the "true" one, and that the Jews who had gone wandering in the desert had an incredibly bastardized one. Needless to say, they didn't talk to one another, and they certainly didn't help one another out.

 

Which is why the parable of the "good" Samaritan is so important (yes, I lifted it straight off of wiki - I'm lazy):

 

In the Gospel of Luke, the parable is introduced by a question:

 

 

 

Jesus then replied with a story:

 

 

 

Personally, and mind you (plural you), this is just my opinion, I think that there are a lot of Christians on the planet who have forgotten the definition of "Christian".

 

Granted, there are a lot of other people in *other* religions who appear to have neatly tucked away the tenets of their religions as well. But that's not what got my goat this morning.

 

I really think that if everyone who claimed a faith *lived* that faith, the whole world would be better off.

 

And that Christianity doesn't have the market cornered on following the golden rule. There are a billion + people on this planet, and most of them aren't Christian. To exclude them as potential friends based on that (without knowing how upstanding or poor their value system is) is just sad.

 

JMO

 

Asta,

 

I want to clarify something. The term "friend" is a very special one to me which I don't pass around to everyone I know. It is intended for those who are close to me. I do have associations on a regular basis with people who are of all sorts of different backgrounds and I enjoy their company for the most part while we are together, but my "friends", those who I spend time with, invite their kids over for the afternoon are all Christian. I don't see this as a problem, it is what I believe is best for myself and my children.

[Nakia]

In a word, yes. Several of my closest friends at work are not Christians and have no desire to hear a thing about God or Jesus. That's okay with me. It's not my job to save them. It's my call to love them and respect. The respect is mutual, and that is what makes us friends. I love them very much. They are good and kind people. One of my sisters-in-law is an atheist, and she is one of my favorite people in the world. I have never met a kinder person, and she has the same morals as I do. I love her very much. She is married to my brother, and he is a Christian, so even that can work. :001_smile:

 

And lots of my favorite people here aren't Christians. :D

[Crissy]

It's not my job to save them. It's my call to love them and respect.

:001_wub:

[TracyR]

Yes, my husband and I have always befriended "others." What we value most in people is honesty, sincerity, dependability, caring, faithfulness, wisdom and humor. Whether they call themselves Christians or not is not as important as whether they have the traits that we consider to be so crucial.

 

 

:iagree:Same here. But I will say that you may find your expending more time trying to befriend them if you already know they don't want to be friends outside of their faith.

 

I'm not worried about what faith someone is in. As long as they are kind, caring , and carry the same traits as listed above. Finding friends is EXTREMELY hard these days so I'm not picky.

[mytwomonkeys]

In a word, yes. Several of my closest friends at work are not Christians and have no desire to hear a thing about God or Jesus. That's okay with me. It's not my job to save them. It's my call to love them and respect. The respect is mutual, and that is what makes us friends. I love them very much. They are good and kind people. One of my sisters-in-law is an atheist, and she is one of my favorite people in the world. I have never met a kinder person, and she has the same morals as I do. I love her very much. She is married to my brother, and he is a Christian, so even that can work. :001_smile:

 

And lots of my favorite people here aren't Christians. :D

 

i feel the same way! my very best friend on the entire planet is a non-christian. we've known each other since we've been 14 years old. she has loved me in spite of myself and stood by me through so many bad choices ( i became a christian in 1996 & i'm 39 now). she considers herself very spiritual, but does not identify with my christian faith at all, yet she is so happy for me & loves to hear all about what is taking place in my life. my husband is a worship pastor, and i feel totally free to talk with her about all that is happening in the life of our church. she rejoices with me!

 

she has done several vision quests across the united states, lives in an intentional living community (like a commune, but she hates when i say that...just the best way i can describe it), and is always participating in a sweat lodge or a self-help workshop or retreat. she has total freedom to talk with me about all that is taking place in her life, and i listen intently as she shares her journey with me. i don't understand a lot of her practices, but i can honestly say that i love my best friend unconditionally and she loves me too.

[Snowfall]

In our town there is only one major homeschooling group, and the only way you can join for support, and opportunities for your children is if you are a Christian. They even kicked out a Mormon family because they weren't the right kind of Christian.

 

It makes it tough, because almost everything in the community springs from their group. If you sign up for something and you are not part of their group, it can get uncomfortable. We take homeschool swim lessons through a public Gym, and I have struck up conversations with a couple of moms, but of course they tell me about their group and it comes up that we are secular and it is like I farted in public.

 

This is how it is in my town. You have to sign the statement of faith to join the group, and my dd also goes to a homeschool gym class, but it seems that all the other families are members of that group. This is what prompted me to ask the original question (which I hope didn't offend anyone - I have a tendency to word things the wrong way :blushing:). I guess I did word my OP wrong. It's more that I don't want to get my hopes up if other people in the class aren't going to want to spend time with us, than it is that I don't want to put forth the effort to find out. I was asking to figure out what my odds were that the parents of at least one of the 3 girls DD really plays with a lot at class would want to let them be friends. I've been trying to decide what to do, since I don't want DD's feelings to get hurt if they wouldn't. It looks like our odds are very good, though, so I'm relieved!

 

I haven't read past the above post, so off to finish. Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

[angela in ohio]

I was asking to figure out what my odds were that the parents of at least one of the 3 girls DD really plays with a lot at class would want to let them be friends.

 

There's just no way to know for sure without getting to know them. All people are individuals, Christians included. :001_smile:

[mcconnellboys]

I know that when we moved here 12 years ago, it was very much this way. In about the past 4-5 years, however, it's begun to change a little and co-op groups are a little more open, people will mix and mingle for classes a little more, etc.

 

Since I've been here, I've been friends with Muslims, atheists, agnostics, Catholics, Protestants of various denominations, Jehovah's Witnesses, Quakers, Buddhists and I'm sure I'm probably forgetting some other groups.... I don't meet people and think nor ask what faith they are. I don't make judgments about them based on their faith as I get to know them. It's none of my business what their faith is. No one else can walk your walk except you.

 

Only you can gauge the atmosphere in your town. I would tend to think that a smaller town might be more close minded and conservative - but that might not be true at all.....

 

The way I dealt with so-called Christians excluding those of other Christian denominations or those of other or no faith was by pulling out of the groups and voicing my concerns whenever the subject came up and I got a chance to speak out. Talk gets around and it makes people think. It's been years, but things are beginning to change, finally.

 

There were also a group of us here who started a yahoo group long before any others here started one and we posted so much information on it that it seemed to sort of draw others to it, even though they sometimes got mad at us and huffed off because we wouldn't let it turn into an exclusive Christian group....

[6packofun]

I befriend people. People with qualities I appreciate. Am I more inclined to want to grow closer to someone who meets my "good friend" standards and is also a Christian? Yep.

[pdalley]

Yes. We don't choose who to hang out with based on where they spend their Sunday morning or Sat night/afternoons or wherever they choose to worship.

 

A lot of our friends are church friends but it's not a litmus test for us. There are certain standards but no faith has a monopoly on those standards in my experience.

[OnTheBrink]

Before I started working, I didn't KNOW any non-Christians. I home schooled, I went to church. There was no real opportunity to meet anyone else.

 

But, now that I'm out in the world 3 days a week, I have made friends at work who are not Christians and it's really not an issue for me. I've also made friends with two women who are Christians. If I like you, I like you. I'm in no position to "save" anyone and I have neither the time nor the energy for "projects".

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I have a host of friends from different aspects of my life, neighborhood, church, scouting, homeschooling, sports. The closest friends do tend to be people who have more overlap (ie, neighbors who are at least on my religious wavelength if not the same church or homeschoolers who are on the same sports team or scouts who are on the same sports team).

 

I do tend to share less personal issues confidences with people who are more tangentally friends (ie, other sports or scouting parents) than with people who've shared deeper experiences (ie, closer religiously or who were fellow leaders in scouting).

 

I also know some people who would say they share religious views that I think are rather flaky and who I don't try to be close to. (Like the mom who told me Sonlight's books were too pagan or who always had very assertive but incorrect info about various military benefits).

 

Among my closest couple friends here, one is Protestant and attends the same chapel services, two are non-observant to agnostic and one is Catholic. I'm Protestant. The first person I'd call if I had an emergency would be the Catholic, because she has kids closer in age, we've shared more experiences and I trust her very much to make wise decisions.

 

When I need counsel on some deep parenting issue, I'm most likely to have a Facebook chat with a mentor who lives on the other side of the world because she has been there, done that and is very wise.

[CLHCO]

I cannot believe I'm about to admit this...

 

I find it a lot easier to be friends with someone from another religion, any religion, than to be good buddies with someone with opposite political beliefs than I hold. Why is that? Really? :lol: Do I run out of things to talk about?

 

I'm mostly teasing... mostly. There has to be something to talk about for a friendship, however. If you have to dodge everything for fear someone will get their feathers ruffled, it gets tiresome. I have family on the opposite spectrum from me in almost every area, and it is very difficult, to be honest. At minimum, something in common regarding the values for our children, faith, a hobby you're passionate about, mutual desire to openly discuss issues, whatever, is very helpful when building a friendship. Christians often do have something that is very important to both of them in which to build a base for a friendship, which may be why it seems like they only friend one another, but it may be simply that it's a recognizable common love you can discuss, but it's not necessarily the only thing. A lot of people like to think they're open minded and "love a good debate", but most just get miffed, and who can hold on to a friendship if you're always miffed at one another?

 

It may take a bit more time to find out what else you have to build a friendship on is all.

Edited October 25, 2010 by CLHCO

[Peela]

As a non Christian I have enjoyed making friends with many Christians through homeschooling, and my son's best friend has been from a strongly Christian, though not evangelical, Christian family. They seem to have no problem at all with his religious status.

 

I have myself gravitated towards making more intimate friends with those who are secular- and the kids have done the same. After some experiences of kids trying to convert them during coop classes...they became wary.

 

Our coop was a healthy mixture of Christian and secular for several years...then came an influx of "heavy" Christians who would literally pray in the kitchen and talk "religiously" all the time....which really excluded those of us who werent Christian. They basically ended up with that coop to themselves because many of us left.

[Mrs Mungo]

I have friends of various religions (or lack thereof).

[asta]

I don't ask people what religion they are. I can't honestly say I ever gave it much thought until my children were shunned (and I don't use that word lightly) at some local Christian homeschool gatherings. Given the opportunity to see what it felt like from the other perspective made me look closely at my own behavior.

 

I would not hesitate to limit my children's contact with families who engage in behaviors I don't approve of (Christian or not), I but I do not limit our contact based on religion. Somehow, imo, that is not imitating Jesus.

 

Which was my point in my original post. Regardless of how a person defines the word "friend".

 

I sincerely do not understand how a person can identify themselves as a Christian and then separate the rest of humanity into "other".

 

/rant

[Rosie_0801]

So other than casual contact, I just don't interact with nonbelievers. I'm not sure how to change it either other than going to ps.

 

There's no real need to change it, is there? We're only people, after all, and you already know a bunch ;)

 

they only want to be friends with Christians who are willing to pretend they're not when they're with non-Christians.

 

I think that comment is doing some people a disservice.

 

Being quiet rather than boisterous in your faith doesn't have to mean you are pretending not to have one.

 

I don't mind people speaking Christianese, I am fluent in the dialect. ;) Christians behaving like Christians is, well, to be expected really. I'm not sure what I'd think of a Christian friend who didn't pray for my salvation. Would they really be my friend? :confused::eek: I don't exist to be someone's project though, and wouldn't be friends with anyone who treated me like one. There are a few ladies at playgroup who I think only speak to me hoping their Christian friendliness will encourage me to get married. It's kind of cute in an annoying way. Not that I am going to get upset over it. I am in their church playgroup, after all :lol: (I think I scandalised them enough by admitting to not being married, they don't need to know I'm pagan, the poor dears.) And I wouldn't be friends with them anyway. They are the yummy mummy types and I'm a little on the scruffy side. :tongue_smilie:That's a bigger inhibitor to friendship than religious preferences!

 

Really, I see nothing at all wrong with "sticking to your own kind" and I see nothing wrong with not doing it. For some, shared religion is a hugely important factor in a friendship, for others, it's just a quirk to be taken into account along with food allergies, "soapbox issues" and whatever else. Everyone should be capable of smiling, nodding and chatting about the weather with anyone else. Nobody is obliged to invite anyone home for lunch, though. Anyway, we're all on here happily chatting to people we'd never be friends with IRL for one reason or another, religion being only one of the possible reasons. Do we really need more reasons to feel bad? Oh, I don't speak to enough people who share my faith! Oh I don't speak to enough people who do! Oh, I don't speak to enough people who don't belong to our football club! Oh, I don't speak to enough people who do! Oh, I don't speak to enough of my relatives! (Hang on, I speak to exactly the right amount of my relatives :D)

 

Would you be bothered if this intention was reciprocated? If your atheist friend was honest with you about hoping your friendship will lead you to renounce your faith, would this be a problem?

 

The only time I've ever seen this happen is when non-Christians were really worried about the person. For the most part it's "Well, we think you're a sweetie, so we like you despite your funny ideas.;)" One of the lasses in our group belongs to an, um, interesting, congregation and the less mature people in the group can require kicks in the behind to keep them quiet about it. I think she's the only person I know who I'd like to see, not toss her religion, but certainly downgrade it.

 

I sincerely do not understand how a person can identify themselves as a Christian and then separate the rest of humanity into "other".

 

You can't?

 

Two scenarios I can think of are a) those who are very black and white with the "if you're not with us, you're against us" line. They must think we are agents of the devil or something. Or b) those who are newbie Christians and are trying desperately to learn how to "do it right" as quickly as they can. If I want to be like X, Y isn't the place to learn.

 

Rosie

[IsabelC]

@ Rosie, I love love love your comments :)

 

@ Snowfall, I can see that you don't want to waste loads of time and energy on people who would not accept you, however I also think it might be an unwarranted assumption. I would suggest that you put yourself out there as much as you feel comfortable with, and see what happens. If people don't want anything to do with your for whatever reason, you'll soon figure that out, otoh you might also make some wonderful friends.

[asta]

You can't?

 

Two scenarios I can think of are a) those who are very black and white with the "if you're not with us, you're against us" line. They must think we are agents of the devil or something. Or b) those who are newbie Christians and are trying desperately to learn how to "do it right" as quickly as they can. If I want to be like X, Y isn't the place to learn.

 

Rosie

 

No - I can see it - I see it all of the time! I think it is hypocritical as all out.

[keptwoman]

So, yes, we would be friends with you. As Ellie said, some (how close we became, especially) would depend on whether we had things in common. My dc wouldn't try to hit your dc over the heads with Bible verses, nor would I. But we wouldn't hide that part of our lives, and we would be praying for your salvation. :001_smile: That may make some not want to be friends with us, I've found; they only want to be friends with Christians who are willing to pretend they're not when they're with non-Christians.

I've met non-Christians like that, tolerance and respect goes both ways eh.

 

My dc are not influenced by whom they are around much, because dh and I have a strong influence in their lives. We spend enough time with our dc, real one-on-one time, not just being in the same house together or being at the same place together, that we don't have to worry as much about negative influences. I think that is more effective (and easier) than guarding who they are with, and what they are exposed to, constantly.

Yeah, that is exactly what I was saying to a friend (Christian incidentally) last night after hearing a comment like I've quoted below, I don't understand the need for protection when we are priviledged to have such strong family ties brought about by virtue of homeschooling. A tight family really minimises poor influences from outside.

 

There was one instance where a new member joined and introduced herself by saying something like "I'm looking forward to making good Christian friends for myself and my kids!" -that was a member who didn't really end up becoming active or staying with the group anyway, but it does make me think, "what, so someone who isn't a Christian couldn't be a friend? My kids can't play with your kids? Why specify you're looking to make CHRISTIAN friends? Why not just... friends? Can't homeschooling be the common bond and then see how you progress from there in regard to how you relate to people based on personality and common interests and so on?"

I heard someone say that exact thing too, and my response was equally :confused:

[jplain]

Would you be bothered if this intention was reciprocated? If your atheist friend was honest with you about hoping your friendship will lead you to renounce your faith, would this be a problem?

No, it wouldn't bother me. Anyone can hope whatever they want. I'm more interested in how they act toward me.

I can't say the same, though it isn't the hoping that would bother me. It is the "being honest" part, which is an action.

 

I'd probably cool off a friendship if a friend was honest with me that she hoped I would change my beliefs. To me, that's not a real friendship, as I'm not accepted for who I am. My friends don't need to hide their beliefs, but I'd rather they avoid evangelizing, including hoping out loud in my presence.

[astrid]

In all honesty, I don't want my children exposed to non-christian values on a regular basis.

 

Just so I understand you clearly, could you define "non-christian values?"

Maybe give some examples? Are you under the impression that all non-Christians are running around, wantonly harming others and having sex as middle schoolers?

 

Or is it something less dramatic?

 

I'd really like to know, as if you recall my thread of early this summer when my dd was befriended by a conservative, evangelical Christian girl who moved in around the corner. Molly has been nothing but polite, kind, respectful and a wonderful friend, and has been very hurt lately because the girl told her that because we don't attend church she can't play with her. It's a hard thing to explain to my Christian but not church-affilliated dd why her Christian friend doesn't like her anymore because of the activity schedule of an hour of Molly's time on Sunday morning.

 

astrid

[justamouse]

It's not my job to save them. It's my call to love them and respect.

 

:iagree: I heart you.

 

Some of my most profound friendships are with atheists.

[Nakia]

:iagree: I heart you.

 

Some of my most profound friendships are with atheists.

 

I heart you too!! I wish you lived close to me! I know we could be great friends!!

[angela in ohio]

I think that comment is doing some people a disservice.

 

Being quiet rather than boisterous in your faith doesn't have to mean you are pretending not to have one.

 

So we can only talk about rude Christians, but not rude atheists? ;) :D

 

I'm not talking about the atheists who just prefer Christians not to be "boisterous." I'm talking about the ones who get offended if your dc responds, "went to church," when asked what they did the day before (Sunday.) Or the one who shouted, "I just hate all those Christians, anyway" while sitting on a park bench next to me at a play group for our inclusive homeschool group, knowing I was a Christian, and expected me not to be offended.

[texasmama]

Yes, I do. I really enjoy my friends of "other" faith. Knowing only people of like faith as myself would be very boring.

[elegantlion]

Just so I understand you clearly, could you define "non-christian values?"

Maybe give some examples? Are you under the impression that all non-Christians are running around, wantonly harming others and having sex as middle schoolers?

 

Or is it something less dramatic?

 

I'd really like to know, as if you recall my thread of early this summer when my dd was befriended by a conservative, evangelical Christian girl who moved in around the corner. Molly has been nothing but polite, kind, respectful and a wonderful friend, and has been very hurt lately because the girl told her that because we don't attend church she can't play with her. It's a hard thing to explain to my Christian but not church-affilliated dd why her Christian friend doesn't like her anymore because of the activity schedule of an hour of Molly's time on Sunday morning.

 

astrid

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry for your dd.

From my experience growing up around people who were christian, and NOT exposed to other faiths, beliefs, etc, I've seen a real fear of how non-christians behave. Again from my experience, so it's not a blanket statement :D, but it's a fear borne of ignorance really. It was stated earlier but it's the belief that christians somehow are the only moral, ethical creatures in this world. It doesn't take a belief in Jesus as the one and true son of God to be a good, moral, and just person.

 

I would challenge anyone who believes that to read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations or look into the true nature of other faiths.