I would appreciate your responses :)

[NanceXToo]

I'm just curious about how other women would feel about this situation.

 

If your husband owned a (very) small business- as in, it was only ever him and possibly one other apprentice/worker there with him, and he was there 5 days a week from early afternoon til a minimum of 8 PM, and sometimes much later at night with that person, sometimes with customers there, sometimes alone....

 

Would it bother you at all if that one other person were female?

 

Would you have a "sure, hire/apprentice whoever seems right for the job, gender doesn't matter" attitude, knowing you trust your spouse,

 

or would you have a "well, I do trust my spouse, but if he's going to be potentially alone with and socializing with only ONE person for so much of his time, I'd feel more comfortable if it were a guy" attitude?

 

All responses appreciated. :)

[gaillardia]

It absolutely would bother me. It is best not to put ourselves in situations that may be unseemly, or shall we say, to avoid impropriety it would be better if we avoid situations like that.

Yes, I trust my husband. It would also depend on how long this apprenticeship is lasting, the age of the female and what kind of work they're engaged in, how closely they're working, etc.

[Brilliant]

It absolutely would bother me. It is best not to put ourselves in situations that may be unseemly, or shall we say, to avoid impropriety it would be better if we avoid situations like that.

Yes, I trust my husband. It would also depend on how long this apprenticeship is lasting, the age of the female and what kind of work they're engaged in, how closely they're working, etc.

 

:iagree: with everything, including trusting my husband. But I wouldn't want him in that situation, and I don't think he'd want to be put in it.

[MrsBasil]

I think the second response is a reasonably close to how I would feel. I think the possibility of them getting along really really well would bother me.

 

And...even though you didn't ask about this, the possibility of one man and one woman alone together opens the door for accusations that are hard to get over even if are untrue. That would also make me uncomfortable.

[ChristusG]

Yes, it would definitely bother me. I'm of the mindset that married men/women should try and avoid those types of situations. No matter how strong a marriage is, spending that much time together with someone of the opposite sex could possibly lead anyone down the wrong road.

[Jean in Newcastle]

If it more than one female it wouldn't bother me at all. Just one? Yea, it would. I would try not to let to bother me but still, it would.

[Old Dominion Heather]

Yep, it would bother me.

[Lostinabook]

I do trust my husband, but it would bother me if he were going to be spending 35-40 hours per week alone with a female apprentice/co-worker.

 

The possibility of there being accusations with no witnesses to back either side would bug me as well.

[elise1mds]

It wouldn't bother me, but I would pose the question to my spouse as to whether he would feel comfortable if the tables were turned. If his answer is the same (which, knowing my spouse, it wouldn't be), then I would let him go ahead. If not, then I'd suggest he take that under consideration before putting himself in that situation.

[StephanieZ]

Honestly, I would not be able to stand it. I trust dh very much, and he is completely worthy of total trust. But, I couldn't take it.

 

I could only take it if the female were *much* (<20 yrs) his senior and/or *extremely* unattractive.

 

My dh is a vet and employs very many attractive young women. I am fine with this, as he handles himself professionally and there is nearly always a veritable gang of them present. One-on-one would not be OK with me on a frequent basis. (The occasional emergency shift or whatever doesn't bother me.)

[Bokons]

I agree with everything that's been said so far. It would definitely bother me, and I would have to say no to that. I wouldn't want to be in that situation either, and be spending so much time with a male worker. I'd be uncomfortable.

[KingM]

I just finished acting in a play where I kissed another woman on stage. It didn't bother my wife, but it sure freaked out my parents.

 

(To be honest, long working hours seems a lot more dangerous. There's nothing romantic about kissing a near-stranger in front of dozens of people while sweating under the lights and trying desperately to remember your lines.)

[Daisy]

Yes, it would bother me.

 

My husband actually talked to his best friend about this very thing at one point. His friend had moved his side business out of his home and rented a space. He had a female assistant. They were alone in this office into the late evenings every night. So his friend would work all day and then head straight to his office and be with this girl until midnight. It was causing major strain in their marriage.

 

My husband mentioned that it probably wasn't a very wise situation to put oneself into. It was a tough conversation but his friend listened and moved the business back home and later found himself a new assistant.

 

I don't care how strong a marriage is, putting oneself in the situation of being with someone of the opposite sex in close proximity for hours every day isn't wise, imo.

[Hannah C.]

It would bother me if my husband was in that situation, and it would bother me to be the female employee in that situation. It isn't that I don't trust my husband, either, more of preventing any possibility of something going wrong later, KWIM?

 

My DH wouldn't see it as that big of a deal but he would also stay out of the situation because he knows how I feel about it.

 

If there was a third person of either gender present I wouldn't care.

[NanceXToo]

LOL- I feel more 'normal' already. Thanks for the replies so far!

 

My husband is a tattoo artist who owns his own shop. He apprenticed this guy who was with him for quite a while, but who recently moved on. Now my husband is by himself at the shop again and he is trying to get somebody else in there, as he needs help, and he wants someone who he can eventually trust to be there on their own so he can take time off here and there as needed/desired without having to worry about the shop being closed.

 

He's had a few applicants, a couple of which have been female. He has high standards for their artwork and abilities, so it's not easy for him to find somebody period, let alone somebody of only a certain gender.

 

Recently when he forwarded me another email from a potential female applicant and asked me what I thought, I told him that while I certainly trust him, I just don't feel comfortable with him spending so much time alone with just one girl. I mean if it were a group of people working there in the shop, that's different. But just one man and one woman hanging out together all day?

 

I don't want to start letting my imagination get away with me, or feeling like they are being a little too 'friendly,' or wondering what he's talking about alone all day with some girl while I'm home with the kids, or whether he is attracted to this girl he's spending so much time with, and so on. While any "impropriety" would surely all be in my head, if anywhere, I just don't want that sort of potential stress in my life or in my relationship!

 

Fortunately he's understanding of that and though he really wants somebody in there ASAP, he's willing to respect my wishes and hold off til the right guy comes along.

 

I did wonder, though, if other people would tend to think I was being ridiculous and immature and insecure and all that stuff (which I will admit is certainly possible!), or whether other people would feel the same way as I do about it, or at least understand how I feel!

 

So thank you, because now I feel a bit less of an idiot for thinking the way I do. :)

[ereks mom]

that it doesn't bother me. Dh & I have been married 30 years, and neither of us is the jealous type. We have actually discussed this very topic.

 

Dh is a business owner, and his assistant/secretary is an attractive woman a few years younger than dh & me. They work well together, but are not interested in each other "in that way". Like dh, she is also happily married, with dc the same ages as mine. I enjoy talking to her; we generally talk about our kids or what's going on at her church or ours (VBS, mission projects, etc.).

 

There are people in and out of the office very frequently, so they aren't alone ALL the time. Dh's other employee is also a woman (several years older than dh). She works infrequently, but often stops by the office unannounced to file papers or to do some work on the computer. Students pop in to register for classes at all times of the day, and the dc and/or I drop in several times a week when we're "in the neighborhood". When dh first hired his assistant, I was a bit apprehensive, but now that I've gotten to know her, I am comfortable with the situation.

Edited July 15, 2010 by ereks mom

[Garga]

Yeah...it would bother me, if I'm being honest. I'm not the sort of person who thinks men and women can't have friendships without being attracted to each other. But...working that closely with someone...all day...alone....uh uh.

 

It might be ok and they'll never become attracted to each other...but the risk is too great that they will.

[yellowperch]

I agree with the pps and you, OP. I'd consider it, though, if the woman had an extra eyeball and lots of warts and smelled awful. But that wouldn't be great for DH's business anyway.

[Mrs Mungo]

It absolutely would bother me. It is best not to put ourselves in situations that may be unseemly, or shall we say, to avoid impropriety it would be better if we avoid situations like that.

Yes, I trust my husband. It would also depend on how long this apprenticeship is lasting, the age of the female and what kind of work they're engaged in, how closely they're working, etc.

 

I think the second response is a reasonably close to how I would feel. I think the possibility of them getting along really really well would bother me.

 

And...even though you didn't ask about this, the possibility of one man and one woman alone together opens the door for accusations that are hard to get over even if are untrue. That would also make me uncomfortable.

 

:iagree: with both of those.

 

Can he hire more than one person? Will any of them bring along their own clients? I'd feel better if there were multiple people there.

[LauraGB]

Honestly, I would not be able to stand it. I trust dh very much, and he is completely worthy of total trust. But, I couldn't take it.

 

I could only take it if the female were *much* (<20 yrs) his senior and/or *extremely* unattractive.

 

 

 

If I'm being completely honest (and in this case I certainly would be), this about sums up my feelings completely.

 

And on the flip side, dh wouldn't be able to handle it at all if I employed a man, either. It would likely drive him even more crazy than it would me.

 

Seems silly, really, when trust is a non issue, but there it is.

[Audrey]

It wouldn't bother me. I don't have trust issues with my dh, nor do I give a darn what others would think about him working all the time with a woman.

[NanceXToo]

It wouldn't bother me. I don't have trust issues with my dh, nor do I give a darn what others would think about him working all the time with a woman.

 

You don't even know how much I WISH I could feel like you do! That I could just be THAT secure. I'm just not though. And it's not that my husband has ever done anything in 10 years of marriage to cause me to think he'd ever do anything inappropriate with another woman, but I could never rid myself of that niggling little 'what if' doubt. That probably has a lot more to do with ME than it has to do with HIM. I wish I could be more like you... but I am glad to see that there are others like me lol.

 

Thanks again for the responses! All of them are appreciated!

[ScoutTN]

It would definitely bother me. No how would we do this.

[Renthead Mommy]

It wouldn't bother me. I don't have trust issues with my dh, nor do I give a darn what others would think about him working all the time with a woman.

 

:iagree:

 

And I'd hate to think if I was talented enough for the position, I wouldn't be hired just becuase I'm a woman.

 

I'd also think woman would be benificial to his business. I'd think having both a male and female artist would be a plus.

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

It absolutely would bother me. It is best not to put ourselves in situations that may be unseemly, or shall we say, to avoid impropriety it would be better if we avoid situations like that.

Yes, I trust my husband. It would also depend on how long this apprenticeship is lasting, the age of the female and what kind of work they're engaged in, how closely they're working, etc.

 

 

:iagree: I think emotional bonds are formed when you work alone with someone. These could potentially hurt your marriage. Almost all affairs start this way. Most men have an affair with someone they met at work, that they started off as friends. It could also end instead of an affair, with an unhealthy attachment on the woman's part.

 

 

It would not bother me if the woman was a lot older than my dh. Maybe like a motherly figure (over 60.) He is 31yo.

[NanceXToo]

:iagree:

 

And I'd hate to think if I was talented enough for the position, I wouldn't be hired just becuase I'm a woman.

 

I'd also think woman would be benificial to his business. I'd think having both a male and female artist would be a plus.

 

...I know. I did think about both of those things, that you just said. That it might be a little unfair to someone to be turned down because of their gender. And that having artists of both genders could be a plus.

 

But I just envisioned it putting too much stress on me- because of my own insecurities I guess- that would transfer to our relationship, and I figured that in the end I had to put my own sanity first lol (and my relationship, of course)!

 

Hey, where on Long Island are you? I am originally from Long Island. I spent the first half of my childhood (til about age 10 or 11) in Glen Cove, and then grew up in the Bayshore area.

 

I moved to Pennsylvania when my now 9 year old was just a baby, though. Sometimes I miss Long Island. And then I remember how expensive it is there. :D

[Aggie]

Dh and I have seen too many men accused of inappropriate behavior when there were no witnesses.

 

In one case, it was the woman's husband driving the accusation. It ruined our friend's career.

 

We don't think it's a good idea at all.

[JoyfulMama]

The possibility of there being accusations with no witnesses to back either side would bug me as well.

 

This would be my main concern.

 

Now, on the other hand, I think a female artist could be really beneficial to your dh's shop. So rather than rule it out right away, I'd really think it over some more.

If I were in your shoes, and he did hire a female apprentice, you'd bet the kids and I (or sometimes me alone) would be popping in. I'd be reminding her that I am the wife as much as I'd be getting to know her. A keep your friends close and your enemies closer deal.

Also, I'd be making sure my hd and I had lots of time for tea. So really, having a female artist could be beneficial to you. ;)

[kalanamak]

Would not bother me. I think my husband would get into more "trouble" with another "guy"....stupid "guy" stuff, and would probably spend frivolous money on really un-needed and never used "guy" stuff, or do something physically risky to "keep up with the guys".

 

I work with about 2000 people. There is a lot of fooling around. I cannot think ONCE of being shocked by exactly which man is doing this. The guy who looks at every woman walk past as he's on the phone. The man who lowers his head slightly and talks to me in a bedroom voice when I am far, far from being an appropriate partner (think 30 years difference). The man who always chats with the prettiest woman in the room, etc. I might like them as a person, respect them as a nurse, whatever, I am never shocked when it is "them" who is in the latest tangle. The great, upstanding, respectable types, never. Perhaps it is all the men I've worked with, but I've got very good radar with men. Women, I don't know. I've been shocked recently, to find out Miss Prim in department X puts kinky pics of her and another employee on her Facebook. And she is married.

 

I, personally, prefer to work with men. I grew up with brothers and am tough. I believe I offend some women the way, e.g. some of our male posters offend the women here, at times. Men can be jerks, but tend to be in-your-face jerks, which I find much easier to deal with than clock and dagger jerks. I would be hypocritical to think I should bar hubby from working with who he choses if I want to do the same.

 

I also acknowledge that I view jealousy as being "unduly concerned with the preservation of that, which is lost, was not worth keeping" and I've never, ever been dumped for "another woman". I've been dumped, but not cheated on. I would claim I've had "more relationships" than many women here, but it never, ever crossed my mind I would be dumped for another woman. I don't pick that kind of guy.

 

I might feel differently if I had been. As for people talking, let them talk. Such tongue-waggers merely save me the trouble of trying to ascertain if they are true friends or not. Monogamy and "other's good opinion" meant more to me in my 20s and 30s. In my 50s I am much more indifferent to the matter. Other things are more important to me.

[secular_mom]

I would not be okay with my husband spending that much alone time with a female. Being together for that amount of time is just too intimate, and IMO my husband has no business spending more time with another woman than he does with me.

[Mrs Mungo]

I also acknowledge that I view jealousy as being "unduly concerned with the preservation of that, which is lost, was not worth keeping" and I've never, ever been dumped for "another woman". I've been dumped, but not cheated on. I would claim I've had "more relationships" than many women here, but it never, ever crossed my mind I would be dumped for another woman. I don't pick that kind of guy.

 

Did you miss out on this thread? :D eta: oh, no, I see you posted on it. Good times...

Edited July 15, 2010 by Mrs Mungo

[Jean in Newcastle]

Dh says that he can hire another woman artist but you should be employed in the business too;)

[Guest Cindie2dds]

Yes. It would bother me for two reasons. My dh has been my best friend for 21 years. Being with only one woman all day, there will be talks and things shared over time that I want him to share with me. The second reason is; there could be accusations made with no one else there to speak up. I just don't think it's a good idea no matter how old or unattractive she is. ;)

[melissel]

Would you have a "sure, hire/apprentice whoever seems right for the job, gender doesn't matter" attitude, knowing you trust your spouse

 

Yes. DH has always worked with women. His current sales office partner is a woman. I trust him.

[LibraryLover]

If the tatoo shop is busy enough that two artists are needed, why would they be alone? Wouldn't there be clients to ink?

[kalanamak]

Did you miss out on this thread? :D

 

No, I read eagerly. That said, my closest friends are women, but women like me. Luckily I work with them, because nurses are often plucky, practical, diligent, lively-of-mind-and-wit, and not as concerned with their make-up as they are with not getting poop on their shoes.

 

If you've ever cornered an angry man, dressed in tight white jeans with blood smeared over his crotch, demanding to be allowed to go see his therapist and that we are discriminating against him "just because he's on his period" with a nurse, you will know what I'm talking about.:001_smile:

 

And to the OP, I don't know what kind of people hubby tattoos, but the women at work get tattoos in many strange places, and I would think a female body guard might be helpful. :D

[Lovedtodeath]

or would you have a "well, I do trust my spouse, but if he's going to be potentially alone with and socializing with only ONE person for so much of his time, I'd feel more comfortable if it were a guy" attitude?

 

That one.

 

 

Yes, it would definitely bother me. I'm of the mindset that married men/women should try and avoid those types of situations. No matter how strong a marriage is, spending that much time together with someone of the opposite sex could possibly lead anyone down the wrong road.

Yes. Edited July 15, 2010 by Lovedtodeath

[NanceXToo]

If the tatoo shop is busy enough that two artists are needed, why would they be alone? Wouldn't there be clients to ink?

 

Sometimes there are clients, sometimes there aren't. Sometimes he can do multiple tattoos in a day, sometimes a day can go by where no-one walks in at all, or just one person walks in. Some seasons are busier than others.

 

The second artist is not so much because there's always a surplus of work every single day, but also because he wants someone to help with the other things that are involved in running a shop- sterilizing ink tubes, placing orders, answering phones, drawing up artwork, cleaning the shop, answering questions, being there when my husband is sick or wants a day off to do family stuff, and so on.

 

There would be plenty of time where they would both be busy with customers, sure.

 

There would also be plenty of time where there were no customers and they were just b.s.ing as they did other things. They'd be eating dinner together every single night because my husband is never home for dinner. And so on.

[NanceXToo]

And to the OP, I don't know what kind of people hubby tattoos, but the women at work get tattoos in many strange places, and I would think a female body guard might be helpful. :D

 

Heh. Well we have ALWAYS had a "if it can't be covered by a bathing suit, you will not tattoo it or pierce it!"

 

(And not a thong bathing suit, either! lol.)

[LibraryLover]

I don't have a good answer. My dh has worked with many researchers of the oppostie sex, plus he travels lots. We've been married a really long time, and so far, so good. I've never worried...I have considered what I would do it anything happened, and I feel perfectly sure I would drop his arse. It would be heartbreaking, but I know I would not die. If he thought so little of us, be gone.

 

Not to mention, affairs can be had anywhere. Absolutely anywhere. I think it's more about character than anything.

 

All that aside, I'd worry if he didn't take your concerns seriously. I would want my dh to hear my concerns.

 

]

Sometimes there are clients, sometimes there aren't. Sometimes he can do multiple tattoos in a day, sometimes a day can go by where no-one walks in at all, or just one person walks in. Some seasons are busier than others.

 

The second artist is not so much because there's always a surplus of work every single day, but also because he wants someone to help with the other things that are involved in running a shop- sterilizing ink tubes, placing orders, answering phones, drawing up artwork, cleaning the shop, answering questions, being there when my husband is sick or wants a day off to do family stuff, and so on.

 

There would be plenty of time where they would both be busy with customers, sure.

 

There would also be plenty of time where there were no customers and they were just b.s.ing as they did other things. They'd be eating dinner together every single night because my husband is never home for dinner. And so on.

[kwickimom]

I could not stand it for even 2 seconds. My DH is a surveyor and there was a girl that worked at his office for awhile. He got sent on many jobs with her. So he was seen around town with her, had to lunch with her, was with her in the woods in the middle of nowhere surveying. I hated every SINGLE moment of it. I didnt know her and I trust DH, but it did not feel right.

 

We both do not have friends of the opposite sex that our other half isnt also friends with. And even then we are not alone with the other person very often if aat all especially in public.

 

We leave no room for error.

[Desert Rat]

Billy Graham once told his associates, "Never leave me in a room alone with a woman who is not my wife." That pretty much sums up how I feel. I trust my husband. But we're human (along the lines of the teen pregnancy thread) and we can all be tempted. It's better not to be put in that position at all. Sorry to all those lady apprentices out there!

[laurad1125]

I'd like to say no but in all honesty - it would bother the heck out of me. :blushing:

[Renthead Mommy]

...I know. I did think about both of those things, that you just said. That it might be a little unfair to someone to be turned down because of their gender. And that having artists of both genders could be a plus.

 

But I just envisioned it putting too much stress on me- because of my own insecurities I guess- that would transfer to our relationship, and I figured that in the end I had to put my own sanity first lol (and my relationship, of course)!

 

Hey, where on Long Island are you? I am originally from Long Island. I spent the first half of my childhood (til about age 10 or 11) in Glen Cove, and then grew up in the Bayshore area.

 

I moved to Pennsylvania when my now 9 year old was just a baby, though. Sometimes I miss Long Island. And then I remember how expensive it is there. :D

 

I don't know. What if your husband was bi? What then? You wouldn't trust him with men OR women?

 

And not for nothing, but it's a tat shop. He's got to have half naked people in there all the time! Does he do piercings? I'd think he'd want a woman there for when he WAS doing a southern piercing! LOL!

 

I guess I have a hard time with the idea that it was okay for you to marry a man knowing he was a tat artist, knowing who and where (on a body) he'd be working on, but yet you have a problem with them employing a talented, qualified woman just because they are a woman.

 

We're in New Hyde Park. My husband is doing a specialty residency at LIJewish. I love being back up here outside the city. LI is great, but I prefer living on the NJ side. Just so much easier. I hate having to travel bridges on holidays and stuff. Easy pass should be mandatory!! LOL!

[LibraryLover]

I didn't even think about a tatoo artist and their constant proximity to women's breasts and bums and more all day long, for long periods of time, and on one person. What about the gals who come in for multiple tats? Are any of these situations/opportunities threats to a marragie?

[LauraGB]

I guess I have a hard time with the idea that it was okay for you to marry a man knowing he was a tat artist, knowing who and where (on a body) he'd be working on, but yet you have a problem with them employing a talented, qualified woman just because they are a woman.

 

 

 

But I would expect him to have a different level of professionalism with clients than with coworkers. And for me, that bit about the "talented, qualified woman" is what would be so hard. While I was at home cleaning the house and tending the children, some woman is spending entire days with my dh and sharing his interests and talents.

 

On the other hand, having a female tattoo artist might boost business. Have you met her? Would you sit in on the interview?

[Danestress]

I am not super jealous. My husband works closely with women. He just hired a female associate. He has a female secretary. He is alone with women all the time - clients usually. He could not function with a "can't be alone in a room with a woman" rule and wouldn't want to. He has lunch with woman. These things worry me not at all.

 

But I think the situation you are describing would be hard for both of us. I think your DH might be reluctant to leave a woman there on a slow night to lock up. He might not want her there working on men alone. I know when I was practicing law, the few times I had male clients that needed to meet on Saturday morning, one or the other of my bosses would think of a reason to show up. I think it's just normal protectiveness. I also think he would be uncomfortable just hanging out in the evening shooting the breeze with a young woman.

 

On the other hand, many of his potential clients might be more inclined to enter the shop if there was a female artist there. I don't have tats, but if I were inclined to get one, I probably would be intimidated if there were two men in there working. I mean, to get a tat, someone has to actually touch you. I would want a woman doing it, or at least to be there. I'm naturally sort of cautious with men.

 

So a female assistant might actually be good for business, but I think it would create problems that would not be worth it.

Edited July 15, 2010 by Danestress

[Nestof3]

Yes, it would bother me, but my husband wouldn't be in that position because he never wants to spend more time with any other woman than he does with me.

[5kidsforME]

I didn't even think about a tatoo artist and their constant proximity to women's breasts and bums and more all day long, for long periods of time, and on one person. What about the gals who come in for multiple tats? Are any of these situations/opportunities threats to a marragie?

 

 

I would think if you were getting tats in those places you should bring your own chaperone.

[Rivka]

I don't think it would even occur to me to worry about it.