Perry Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Those sayings are just cracking me up. Can we start a collection of some of your favorites? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "Well, that dog just won't hunt." (Translation: That argument won't hold water.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I just love the insult with an added "bless her heart" b/c somehow that makes it ok. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "She's dumber than a bag of hammers, bless her heart...." Haven't heard this version. Our version is "Dumber than a box of rocks with the smart rocks taken out." Cinder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 That thread had me laughing so hard I was crying! I don't think this is regional or anything, just my grandmother's famous phrase: "Quit arguing back there or I'm going to knock your heads together like a pair of coconuts!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Dh's favorites: "His elevator doesn't rise to the top." "She's a few bricks shy of a load." My mother's: "That person is as dumb as a fence post." Mine: "These people are sheep!" (If you've ever raised sheep or been around them for very long, you will understand this one.) Oh and I met someone the other day that was just so dense that this thought, though not very nice, popped into my head (thankfully, I have been taught manners and did not say what I thought), "Wow, she makes my ducks seem like Mensa candidates!" And on economics (dh likes to say this when the checkbook is very low), "We're tighter than two coats of paint!" Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "She's as ugly as homemade sin." I have no idea what that means, exactly, but I'm pretty sure it's darn ugly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 When something was a bit distasteful or gross my Grandma used to say: "That's enough to gag a maggot!" It always made me laugh! Maybe because it just seemed so out of character for how proper she always was?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fhjmom Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "She's as ugly as homemade sin." I have no idea what that means, exactly, but I'm pretty sure it's darn ugly. Yep, heard that one. My dad *always* says "six to one, half-a-dozen to the other" meaning two choices are just about equal or he doesn't care. I heard it so much growing up I never really thought about what it meant. LOL! My brother has a ton but I can't seem to think of any right now. If I can come up with them, I'll be back. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 'Dumber than a box of hair' is one of my favorites. Though usually I just say 'not the sharpest knife in the drawer.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Here's another one I've heard often: "The lights are on but no one's home" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy loves Bud Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 It's colder than a witch's t*t in a cast iron bra. You'll bust your nugget. (Southern) You'll bust your cruller. (N. Eastern) Quit borrowing trouble. (This is perhaps my favorite.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I worked as a teller in a bank in a small Arkansas town one summer during college. I greeted a customer with "Hi, how are you?" one day, and his answer was, "Finer than a frog hair split five ways!" I think my favorite not-quite-all-there phrase is "a few french fries short of a happy meal!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhondaM. Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 She doesn't have the sense of a June bug! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 My grandmother often said, "He talks like a man with a paper a**hole." I still don't know what that means, but it still makes me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I worked as a teller in a bank in a small Arkansas town one summer during college. I greeted a customer with "Hi, how are you?" one day, and his answer was, "Finer than a frog hair split five ways!" My mom says that all. the. time. LOL Some sayings that make me laugh: Quit blowing smoke up my arse! (Quit lying to me). She's not exactly the brightest crayon in the box... You can't ride two horses with one ass! (Meaning, make up your mind already). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in Austin Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "She looks like ten pounds of poop in a five pound bag." "He's one taco short of a combination plate." "like white on rice" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I just picked this book up at a second hand shop: http://www.amazon.com/Scholastic-Dictionary-Idioms-Marvin-Terban/dp/0590381571. It looks great! I was surprised at how few my kids knew.. (I'm leaving it out on the ottoman hoping we'll read through it this summer :001_smile:). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Jo Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up faster. My dh tells the dc this all the time when they want something :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Buckin' Longhorn Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "He doesn't have the good sense God gave a goat." Translation = he's dumb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3littlekeets Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 (edited) How about "He's as useless as t*ts on a boar" and "Happier than a fat tick on a skinny dog." Edited July 14, 2010 by 3littlekeets Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3littlekeets Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up faster. My dh tells the dc this all the time when they want something :lol: My grandaddy said that but substituted the p in spit with an h :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooh bear Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 When something is going fast - "Like sh*t off a shiny shovel" "About as much use as a trapdoor in a canoe" or "About as much use as a chocolate teapot/fireguard" "I'll go to the foot of our stairs" - Used as an expression of amazement or to be astounded by something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "Not the sharpest tool in the shed" "Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier" "A couple slices short of a whole loaf" "Dumb as a stump" "Not playing with a full deck" I know there are more dh and I say but that's all that have come to me tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisperry Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "my heart is pumping peanut butter" - meaning they were not concerned about the situation "you'll argue with a fence post and when it won't argue back, you'll pull it up argue with the hole" - said when someone won't "drop it" "half again as big" - I don't think this one is odd as I grew up with it. My my husband is just perplexed by it. It means x + x/2. So any number plus its half "Good Lord have Mercy if that ain't something I'll hush my mouth" - by those southern women who are thunderstruck by an event "I'm scaring 40" - about to turn 40 years old Driving "like a bat out of hell" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 My grandaddy said that but substituted the p in spit with an h :D Oh, my grandma did that, too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mert Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "He doesn't have the good sense God gave a goat." Translation = he's dumb. I love a line from Driving Miss Daisy which is similar to this.. "She doesn't have the sense God gave a lemon!" Esther Rolle delivers it BEAUTIFULLY! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 These are so funny! Here are some more: That's about as useful as a screen door in a submarine. That's about as useful as a horse with a kickstand. That went over like a lead balloon. That went over like a t*rd in a punch bowl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Dumber than two rocks Peabrain Dull as dishwater Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 My dad, who's a bit of a comedian, always says, "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone." :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 That's a good one, Carrie. Reminds me of the Dutch soccer players . . . :auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I just remembered another one my dh likes "He/She must have fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bairnmama Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I've always heard, "That's about as useful as a screen door on a submarine." Also my mom would tell us whenever we would do something that made her nervous: "If you fall and break your leg, don't come running to me!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charmama4 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Here's another one I've heard often: "The lights are on but no one's home" She's as sharp as a bowling ball! Two beers short of a six pack. We need go-go juice (meaning gasoline) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "She's as ugly as homemade sin." I have no idea what that means, exactly, but I'm pretty sure it's darn ugly. It probably wouldn't be something I would want to see :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseball mom Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 His elevator don't go all the way to the top He's as mad as an old wet hen Finer than frog's hair Fish or cut bait Don't be ugly Dumber than a box of rocks Like 2 peas in a pod Not the brightest crayon in the box Don't count your chickens before they hatch You're barking up the wrong tree Dumb as a fence post Well shut my mouth Like a bump on a log He/she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down (or change ugly to stupid) I'm gonna beat you with a wet noodle You're getting to big for your britches Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pie Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 dhe's got the personality of a wet rag (none) I've been rode hard and put up wet (working hard) I'm gonna fock a nart outta you! (I'm going to punch you) it was as big as Texas and twice as dusty (really big) I'm plum tuckered out (very tired) I'm fixin to cloud up and rain all over you! (you'd better straighten up before I "get onto" you!) that (dress, whatever) is as ugly as sin (really ugly) fox is the finder, stink lays behind her (same as he who smelt it, dealt it) you bet, G.I. (ok!) he is smart as a whip/dumb as a stump he's a tall drink of water (real tall) cold as a witch's t*t in a brass bra in Nebraska hot as sar (very hot) Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub phew! how unsanitary! ..(this is actually how I learned this and thought it went till i was an adult! lol) that's all i can think of off the top of my head, this is fun, gotta go to bed now though so good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charmama4 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I see said the blind man peeing in the wind, it all comes back to me now. (meaning: I get it I get it!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 He's got 'roos in his top paddock....... meaning a bit simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda S in TX Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 My dad was full of them. "Best thing since sliced bread." "That makes as much sense as useful as peeing on a forest fire." "Slicker than snot on a brass door knob." "Colder than a well diggers butt in Montana." "Cold enough to freeze the hub caps off a snowmobile." "He's a can short of a six pack." "It's colder than a witch's t*t in a brass bra." "He's as useless as t*ts on a boar hog." "He's dumber than a speed bump." From dh's grandmother "Well, every pot has to sit on its own bottom." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 This was one of my great grandmother's: "She don't paint my dunny door." :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingmommy Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Some of my mother's favorites: Can't never could do nothin' Ain't seen hide nor hair of him (can't find him anywhere) Well, I'll be! (when my son was little, he asked me if I'll be was a cuss word) So ugly she'd have to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink. Don't y'all be in there a-messin' and a-gommin' (to this day, I don't know what gomming is). Don't dispute my word! (don't argue with me) I'll pay you back when I shear my frogs (I guess this one goes along with finer than frog hair). A hoopin' and a hollerin' (making lots of noise) In case you didn't notice it, my mother was a major hick! :P J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kym Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 And on economics (dh likes to say this when the checkbook is very low), "We're tighter than two coats of paint!" Faith ...or "We're so po' we cain't even pay attention!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jvenice Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I trust him as far as I can throw him. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. If you can't listen, you'll have to feel. Can't never could. there are so many more, and they are backwoods country so when I can remember I will post more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I just remembered another one my dh likes "He/She must have fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down" I've always heard that one as falling out of the ugly tree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingmommy Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I forgot some.... I'm gonna knock a wart on you a bullfrog can't hop over! My mother always used to threaten to "Tie our tails together and throw us over the clothesline" Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I'm gonna knock you a-windin'! (I'm noticing a slightly violent trend here. LOL) I'm gonna skin you alive! (Yep, definitely violent) J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberia Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "If his brain was dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose." "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberia Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. This reminds me of one Lucy said to Linus: "If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all... or are you too stupid to know that?!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 My mom says (in lieu of "For crying out loud"): For crying in the bucket For crying in the spittoon Honest to Pete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "not the brightest penny in the pack" "happier than a tick on a dog, or a pig in s*it" "like white on rice" "beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes straight to the bone, and it looks like a dog's been gnawing on yours." "dumber than dirt" "when God was handing out (brains, looks, sense) s/he/you forgot to get in line" "beat you like a red-headed step-child" "doesn't know s*it from shine-ola" "doesn't know his a** from his elbow" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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