"At least you don't have to get up and go to work."

[freeindeed]

That statement has been made to me three times over the past couple of weeks. It has been in response to my comments about our newly adopted daughter's sleeping issues. It really bugs me when people say that. Would you be bothered by that comment?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would laugh and say "I do indeed have to get up and go to work! Who do you think makes the breakfast and gets the kids started in school etc.?"

 

If they continued to protest, I might be tempted to say (and in the right mood would say), "Now, you're just being insulting."

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Oh, yeah. That would bug me.

[Jen500]

No, I wouldn't be bothered by the comment. I would take it as "at least I don't have to get up at 5:30am to get everyone ready and drop the baby off at daycare and commute in heavy traffic to work in an office somewhere".

[aggieamy]

I would laugh and say "I do indeed have to get up and go to work! Who do you think makes the breakfast and gets the kids started in school etc.?"

 

If they continued to protest, I might be tempted to say (and in the right mood would say), "Now, you're just being insulting."

 

This is a good reply. I'll have to remember it!

[dangermom]

No, I wouldn't be bothered by the comment. I would take it as "at least I don't have to get up at 5:30am to get everyone ready and drop the baby off at daycare and commute in heavy traffic to work in an office somewhere".

...and you know what, I'm pretty grateful that I don't have to do that.

 

Still, it's uncalled for; it's like when you break your leg and someone says "Well, at least you don't have cancer." There's always something worse out there, but that doesn't mean that our own trials aren't difficult too.

[Sahamamama]

I would laugh and say "I do indeed have to get up and go to work! Who do you think makes the breakfast and gets the kids started in school etc.?"

 

If they continued to protest, I might be tempted to say (and in the right mood would say), "Now, you're just being insulting."

 

That's what I was thinking. :iagree:

[JudoMom]

That statement has been made to me three times over the past couple of weeks. It has been in response to my comments about our newly adopted daughter's sleeping issues. It really bugs me when people say that. Would you be bothered by that comment?

 

No. It is different to have to get up and go to work outside the home. When I worked outside the home (FT during my oldest's first year), I couldn't wake up, go to work in my jammies, and steal catnaps here and there. I was expected to be fully conscious at all times and capable of making decisions and doing my job. I was thankful with my next four that I didn't have to get up and go to work, even though I was getting up to go to work.

 

Being sleep deprived is never fun nor profitable, and I'm sorry that your dd is having sleeping issues (congrats, BTW!) :grouphug:.

[Sahamamama]

But, on a more upbeat note:

 

 

 

:party::party::party:

 

 

Congratulations on your new daughter!

 

 

Ignore the comments. Enjoy your daughter.

 

 

 

[freeindeed]

Thanks for the congrats. She's a wonderful and precious baby girl. I hate to complain about her sleeping problems, but it can make for a very grumpy mama and daddy sometimes.:tongue_smilie:

[babysparkler]

Congrats on your new baby!

[Kate in VA]

It would burn me up! I can't stand when people say this to me.... THey go to work b/c that's the path they chose if they took a step back and rethought their family goals... most families can do the same but choose not to....

The other day someone said to me how they would love to homeschool but they don't have the patience.... I told her if you have the patience to parent then you have the patience to homeschool.... its the same thing..... urg this stuff burns me up!

Kate

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

No. It is different to have to get up and go to work outside the home. When I worked outside the home (FT during my oldest's first year), I couldn't wake up, go to work in my jammies, and steal catnaps here and there. I was expected to be fully conscious at all times and capable of making decisions and doing my job. I was thankful with my next four that I didn't have to get up and go to work, even though I was getting up to go to work.

 

Being sleep deprived is never fun nor profitable, and I'm sorry that your dd is having sleeping issues (congrats, BTW!) :grouphug:.

 

Yes, it is difficult to get up and out of the house early in the morning, especially if you have to get babies/kids ready to go also, but my out of the house jobs have been less "work" than my in the house jobs. :) It bothers me that people don't consider what we do as work.

[AuntPol]

Depends on the way it was said.

 

I have the flexibility to rearrange my schedule -sleep in and start school later, arrange school in shorter periods but do some on the weekend, arrange school so the kids have independent work or movie while I nap, take a few weeks off to deal with the issue and make them up later, etc.

 

I don't have to get everyone up and dressed by a certain time. We can all stay in our pajamas if we choose, etc. If we get started 15 minutes later, My kids are not going to get detention, silent lunch, tardy marks, or any other negativity nor are they going to disrupt an entire classroom by being late and most importantly, I'm not going to get fired for being late.

 

 

However, if it was said in the tone that I don't work and just sit around on my butt all day and it was implied that I am not a valuable member of our family or that the working parent was more important.......

[melissel]

Well, I spent 7 years trying to quit my job to be home with my kids, so I am thankful every single day (literally, I think it at least once a day) that I no longer have to work at some paid job anymore. However, that said...

 

Still, it's uncalled for; it's like when you break your leg and someone says "Well, at least you don't have cancer." There's always something worse out there, but that doesn't mean that our own trials aren't difficult too.

 

:iagree: with this. It's a rude comment, and I'd go with Jean's responses.

 

And yes, congratulations on your new little one!!!! :grouphug:

[PentecostalMom]

My response is something along the lines of...."You are SOOO right! I am so very thankful that I do not have to give my children to someone else to raise, and that I have complete freedom in deciding what they are learning instead of having the government decide that for me. I am very blessed with a husband that takes care of us and that we are in agreement on how to raise our children.":tongue_smilie:

[Perry]

No, I wouldn't be bothered by the comment. I would take it as "at least I don't have to get up at 5:30am to get everyone ready and drop the baby off at daycare and commute in heavy traffic to work in an office somewhere".

:iagree:If I've had a bad night, I still have to get up, but I don't have to get dressed, or take a shower, or look presentable, or be nice to strangers.

[elegantlion]

...and you know what, I'm pretty grateful that I don't have to do that.

 

Still, it's uncalled for; it's like when you break your leg and someone says "Well, at least you don't have cancer." There's always something worse out there, but that doesn't mean that our own trials aren't difficult too.

 

A wise person once reminded me that I didn't need to qualify whatever "pain" I was going through. It still pain to us. I hope this was your friends ill-fated way to encourage you that things could be worse. Like we need reminders. :glare:

[Jenny in GA]

I agree it depends on how it was said.

 

Years ago when I was a teacher, I went to a concert on a Sunday night with a friend and an acquaintance. We were all driving back at 11:00 pm and I said, "Ohhh -- it's after eleven! I can't believe we all have to get up and go to work tomorrow morning!"

 

The acquaintance shot back, "Well, at least you have summers off!"

 

Huh?

 

I could picture the people who said that to you trying to be encouraging: "Well, look at the bright side," kind of thing. Oh even, "Hey, take advantage of the fact that you're not at work, and lie down when you can," etc.

 

Or I could picture them being snotty or jealous.

 

Either which way, and I don't mean this unkindly, but I wouldn't waste what little energy you have right now worrying or caring about it any more.

 

Jenny

[*********]

That statement has been made to me three times over the past couple of weeks. It has been in response to my comments about our newly adopted daughter's sleeping issues. It really bugs me when people say that. Would you be bothered by that comment?

 

While I very much appreciate where I am in life, and the fact that I don't have to get up and LEAVE THE HOUSE to go to work, I do, in fact, 'get up and go to work'. I have been known to remind dh that I am 'working' before he is; while he takes a shower and gets dressed, I make and pack his breakfast and lunch.

 

That statement would not sit well with me. :glare:

[Sahamamama]

My response is something along the lines of...."You are SOOO right! I am so very thankful that I do not have to give my children to someone else to raise, and that I have complete freedom in deciding what they are learning instead of having the government decide that for me. I am very blessed with a husband that takes care of us and that we are in agreement on how to raise our children.":tongue_smilie:

 

I love you. :001_wub: Can I quote you on that? :lol: Classic, just classic.

[Pippen]

I would laugh and say "I do indeed have to get up and go to work! Who do you think makes the breakfast and gets the kids started in school etc.?"."

 

Not me. ;) In all seriousness I would tell them that my usual plans were to sleep to 10am, lounge around until lunch time, and then spend the remainder of the afternoon on the sofa watching soaps and eating bon-bons.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

While I very much appreciate where I am in life, and the fact that I don't have to get up and LEAVE THE HOUSE to go to work, I do, in fact, 'get up and go to work'. I have been known to remind dh that I am 'working' before he is; while he takes a shower and gets dressed, I make and pack his breakfast and lunch.

 

That statement would not sit well with me. :glare:

 

Exactly! I don't know why I have responded 3 times to this post, but obviously I have strong feelings about it! :lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Yesterday, before anyone was even up, I had done two loads of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen of some pots and pans remaining from the night before, emptied the clean dishes from the dishwasher and started cooking breakfast.

[Jen+4dc]

I would laugh and say "I do indeed have to get up and go to work! Who do you think makes the breakfast and gets the kids started in school etc.?"

 

If they continued to protest, I might be tempted to say (and in the right mood would say), "Now, you're just being insulting."

:iagree:

Yes, it is difficult to get up and out of the house early in the morning, especially if you have to get babies/kids ready to go also, but my out of the house jobs have been less "work" than my in the house jobs. :) It bothers me that people don't consider what we do as work.

:iagree:Me, too.

My response is something along the lines of...."You are SOOO right! I am so very thankful that I do not have to give my children to someone else to raise, and that I have complete freedom in deciding what they are learning instead of having the government decide that for me. I am very blessed with a husband that takes care of us and that we are in agreement on how to raise our children.":tongue_smilie:

Thanks!! I'm going to remember this one!

 

My sis in law has 4 kids (last 2 are twin boys) when she has all 4 at the store people are always saying, Wow you've really got your hands full! She finally came up with a good response: "Yup, but so is my heart!"

 

Love it! I wouldn't change a thing!:D

[Impish]

First, congrats on the new baby! What a wonderful blessing! :w00t::hurray:

 

Second, I hate comments like that. I can't tell you how many times since developing RSD I've heard stuff like, "Well, at least you still HAVE your arm!" or, "At least its not cancer."

 

Yes, things can always be worse...but pointing that out doesn't make the difficult moment right very now any better, thanks.

[Haiku]

It is different to have to get up and go to work outside the home.

 

I have not worked outside the home since having kids, but I agree with this statement. What I do at home is demanding, but it is not the same as being responsible to an employer. I have had a very, very, very difficult past two weeks with some personal issues and some health issues. I have had a lot of flexibility in dealing with them because I am my own boss and I can hide in bed in the afternoons if I want to. It would have been a completely different ballgame were I employed outside the home.

 

This is not to denigrate lack-of-sleep issues, because I had them and then some with my first child. I feel ya on the lack of sleep.

 

Tara

[Jean in Newcastle]

But see, the OP had simply talked about what was difficult for her - coping after sleepless nights. To give any "at least you don't have to. . ." scenario is dismissing of her legitimate hardship.

 

I laugh and give a retort to those sorts of things in order to deflect them. But those people are not the people that I would go to for sympathy in the future. The people I would go to are the ones who say "That's tough, isn't it." They may possibly give a good tip or two to try, but it is their empathy that would speak to me the most.

[sagira]

My mom says this all the time!! Wow..! She's concerned the kids won't ever learn to be responsible and wake up to go to work. Yeah, like all my years of waking up to school early did :rolleyes: I'm simply not a morning person.

 

To the OP, congratulations with your beautiful new child! :)

[Parrothead]

You could give a little superior smile and agree that it is great that you don't have to work.

[MelanieM]

It wouldn't really bother me, because I've been known to say it myself... at least I don't have to shuffle these kids around and get to work in the morning. It's one of the reasons I homeschool!

 

Do you think these people are trying to be helpful when they say this? Like offering you an "it could be worse" scenario might help you feel better? I would consider intentions more than words... some people are just awkward while offering support.

 

Congratulations on the newest member to your family! I'll be sending you all some well-rested vibes.

[Peela]

It might bug me at the time, but from my perspective now.....I feel very blessed not to have to get up and go to work, and I think having to get up and go to work is harder than what I do, honestly, even when I had little kids. I have free time, I have naps, I get to be with my kids, I have time to make meals...it's not that having little kids isnt hard work, it obviously is, as is homeschooling and being a housewife etc...but getting up and going to work day after day, year after year, whether you feel like it or not....well, I dont know how people do it, unless they are passionate about what they do.

[Remudamom]

Dang right I don't get up and work. The kids are big, they fix their breakfast and I sleep in. Course, mine are so big now that then they drive to college classes.

[Peela]

 

Yesterday, before anyone was even up, I had done two loads of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen of some pots and pans remaining from the night before, emptied the clean dishes from the dishwasher and started cooking breakfast.

 

Me too. I was up at 4.30 am and I did a lot before everyone else was up. It was very satisfying.

However, I also had a nice long walk with dh while the kids were having breakfast; I came to these boards while the kids were doing schoolwork; I had an afternoon nap while the kids were taken surfing by some friends- my day is not drudgery and while I certainly DO work, I really feel I am lucky to be doing what I am doing rather than going off to work.

[Crissy]

No. It is different to have to get up and go to work outside the home.

 

 

:iagree:

I was a single, working mom for my older son's first three years.

Whether we were up with colic until 2am, suffered through hours of night terrors or just your average puke-fest, I'd have to get up for an hour long commute and be to work by 7am every day.

 

Having a baby with some of the same issues but being a work-at-home mom was a whole different story.

 

I do agree that the statement from your friend was uncalled for, but having lived on both sides, I would not be bothered.

[LibraryLover]

It hasn't happened often, but my responses are, 'I know! I am blessed!" or "Thank goodness! I don't know if I could manage otherwise! You are so organized!" Because seriosuly, I could not do what I do with my kids if I had a regular full time job, with my dh having the job he has. When I meet a hsing family with both parents working, I am in awe.

 

I do have an older sister who thinks I got off easy...and in many ways she is right. Her ex dh was not a good person. Both of her children have had health issues. She raised her kids pretty much on her own. She has said some things to me that don't seem very nice, but she loves me and has struggled, so I try not to get upset. The truth is I have a nice dh, and had choices she didn't have.

[T'smom]

I've been in the working world and I've been at home and I think being home is more difficult than working outside the home. When I worked outside the home, I got to wear clothes that looked good on me, I got to use my brain (much more so than I do at home), I got to talk to adults, I was more appreciated, the list could go on and on.

This reminds me of something that was said to my dh several times recently. He was at a conference across the country for almost a week, when he got back, everyone was saying "oh, you must be so tired from the traveling". Seriously?!?!? He got a hotel room to himself, could watch whatever he wanted on TV, go out to eat, learn new things, talk to adults, no one puked on him at 2 am (yes that DID happen while he was gone)- as far as I'm concerned, he had a vacation.

Now- I wouldn't choose to be away from my son for a week- all of those positives wouldn't make up for missing him....but IMO working outside the home DOES have it's perks. (and a paycheck doesn't even make the top ten!)

[DarlaS]

That statement has been made to me three times over the past couple of weeks. It has been in response to my comments about our newly adopted daughter's sleeping issues. It really bugs me when people say that. Would you be bothered by that comment?

 

It would depend on who said it and how they meant it. A lot would depend on their tone. It's not like I've never put my foot in my mouth (and made some brain-dead comment at just the wrong time... :tongue_smilie:

 

In this context, I might assume they meant it was a good thing that I could sleep in a little if I chose to--since I'm not getting any sleep at night.

 

Certain people in my life could never say this to me and get away with it though. Heads would roll. :boxing_smiley:

[DarlaS]

She has said some things to me that don't seem very nice, but she loves me and has struggled, so I try not to get upset. The truth is I have a nice dh, and had choices she didn't have.

 

That would be a person I'd give a lot of leeway to as well.

[sassenach]

Would you be bothered by that comment?

 

No, it wouldn't. The thing is, I have extremely thick skin. It really takes blatant insults for me to be offended. With comments like that, I try to understand what they are really trying to say even if it could be said in a better way. But you are you and I am me. If it bothers you, you should come up with a standard reply like one of the ones that other posters have supplied. Congrats!!

[jld]

Congratulations! And you have my sympathy, because sleepless nights are terribly hard to cope with!

 

I'm sorry you are hearing such unhelpful comments. It can be hard to deflect those, especially when you are generally feeling overwhelmed. I see you are not a new mom, though, so surely you have had people make judgmental comments in the past about some aspect of your parenting decisions? How have you coped with those?

 

I know plenty of people who disapprove of my being a SAHM, a homeschooler, a vegetarian, living in India, living simply, having five kids, and being totally dependent on my dh for funds, just for starters! People have criticized me for things I never even thought were bases for criticism, like when dd wore jeans to a children's play! It is really hard to please other people!

 

I am just glad I can be at home, free to live how I want, as long as dh is okay with it. I'm glad I have a dh who doesn't believe in working moms (unless they want to work), because he says they already have a full-time job, the most important job in the world, according to him. Just be grateful for what you have. Who knows the difficulties those other people have in their lives? And you may find life is easier with a nice distance between those people and you!:grouphug:

[jujsky]

I would absolutely be bothered by it. You're a homeschooling mom! Let them try that for a week on no sleep and tell you it's not work!

[MelanieM]

I've been in the working world and I've been at home and I think being home is more difficult than working outside the home.

 

I'm just curious if you're comparing working out of the home before kids or working out of the home after kids? When I had to get up to go to work before we had kids it really was all the things you describe. But I can't imagine how much more stressful it would be *for me* to manage working out of the home *and* all that I want/have to do with my children. So while I occasionally miss those wonderful long lunches at great restaurants, after work drinks with friends, and time to sit and focus on a task until completion, I still think the suckiness (is that a word??) of having to get my kids out the door at 6am after not sleeping all night would far outweigh any ounce of benefit I would feel working outside the home.

 

Of course, that's the perspective that keeps me happily at home... other people, with their own unique needs and preferences, will have perspectives that vary greatly. :)

[nikkinic]

Wow! That would set me off! A lot of people don't understand what it's like to be a teacher, a mom, a wife, a chaffeur, a housekeeper, a cook... what did I miss... all at the same time! I used to work full time and believe me that was a vacation compared to the work I do now. (Don't get me wrong raising/homeschooling my kids is the most fullfilling and worthwhile of the two) So, please do not let others belittle the importance of what you are doing in raising your children. They just don't understand.