WWYD? Older dc wanting to be present at the birth...

[Sue G in PA]

My dd11 has expressed her desire to be present at the birth since we told her about it. I've "briefed" her on what to expect and she's "cool" with it. My older boy (ds9) said he might want to be there, too. Ds8 hasn't said a thing. WWYD? If Ds were a girl, I wouldn't even think twice. But, do you think it would be too much "anatomy" education and just too much to handle for a 9 (almost 10) yo boy? My dh hasn't expressed an opinion and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it either. Any opinions? I know there are...that's why I asked. :D TIA

[PariSarah]

I couldn't stand to have kids there. It would seriously kill me. :tongue_smilie:

 

But if you're okay with 11yodd, I can't see a reason why 10yods couldn't be there.

 

I can't wait to hear your announcement! :lurk5:

[LG Gone Wild]

because I would be afraid that it would scare my dd for when it comes to her turn, especially when she sees you in pain.

 

My dh saw his cousin's birth by accident was totally freaked out by it. He only overcame that when he was forced to at Juju's birth.

[abbeyej]

I would absolutely let ds come. He was there when dd was born (he was only 2.5 and barely remembers it), and I would be happy for him to be there if I were expecting now. At this age, I would go with what the child wanted -- I certainly wouldn't push it on a child. And I would be pretty clear on what they might see and hear leading up to the birth.

 

If I were giving birth in a hospital, that might change my perspective.

[MomofSeven]

That's what the Baby Story on TLC is for, right? I've known moms who've let their girls watch, but never boys. I'm way too private and wouldn't even let my mom watch when she asked. But that's just me.:001_smile:

[Jennifer in MI]

I had thought I'd want mine there for my last (home) birth. But, in the end, I didn't want to be with ANYONE!!!! I wanted to be alone, thank you very much!! And, after Meg was born, I hemmoraged pretty badly. I'm thankful they weren't there. My kids were in the house and they came in as soon as everything was cleaned up.

 

But, complications are rare. So, if your kids are aware of what goes on and you are comfortable with it, then go for it! I would recommend bringing along another adult so that if your kids want to leave the room for any reason, they have someone to go with.

[mommaduck]

My children have watched various birth videos with me, know a bit about birthing, etc. However, it's a different story when it comes to their mother. I'm sure my dd9 would love to be there, but she understands that for me, unless neither daddy or the midwife make it in time, I'd really prefer to keep that part of myself not shared with the children.

[StacyWithFourRugrats]

(and on his own birthday too!...2 years, 1 hour and 4 minutes apart).

 

He was there for whole thing....sleeping in a chair! :lol:

 

I think it would probably depend on each child. You know your child best and can use that knowledge to determine if he would be ok staying in the room. You could always have a friend standing by ready to take him out of the room if she thinks he is getting uncomfortable or things are just getting to "heated".

[Kate CA]

My dd11 has expressed her desire to be present at the birth since we told her about it. I've "briefed" her on what to expect and she's "cool" with it. My older boy (ds9) said he might want to be there, too. Ds8 hasn't said a thing. WWYD? If Ds were a girl, I wouldn't even think twice. But, do you think it would be too much "anatomy" education and just too much to handle for a 9 (almost 10) yo boy? My dh hasn't expressed an opinion and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it either. Any opinions? I know there are...that's why I asked. :D TIA

 

Absolutely no to boys, but yes to the girls. My oldest two daughters watched me birth my fifth and it was not scary for them and they were pretty excited to see her born. They were 8 and 6. We had home births so it was easier and I had two friends there to take them if there had been any issues.

 

I don't think it is appropriate for a boy though--not to see his mama in that way. Just my opinion.

[K&Rs Mom]

I wouldn't, regardless of gender. I was a bit of a raving lunatic during labor, as I recall, and don't need the kids to see me that way. :tongue_smilie: I also wouldn't want the distractions - it would be hard to focus on what I need to do (a pretty big job in itself) when I'm worried about whether my olders are okay and what they're seeing/thinking. Not to mention they'd get bored with all the waiting and drive me crazy asking "is it time yet?"

 

That's just me, though - some people are fine with it.

[Amy in NH]

My then 11 yo ds chose to be present at the birth of our dd. It was a tough delivery, but he decided to stick around for the whole thing. I think it was a good experience for him: gave him an appreciation for how much I love him and his siblings to have intentionally done this horrible (unmedicated) labor thing to bring them all into the world. ;)

 

The other kids could have been there, but they chose to play in their bedroom instead.

[Jenny in Atl]

I would have no problem with my kids being there. But, I would hope that my support (midwife, Dh, etc) would know to get the kids out w/o scaring them, if things did go wrong.

[GothicGyrl]

I guess I am strange--I not only had my DD with me, but my mom and dad, my brother, his ex's brother, AND my brother's son. Never phased me one bit.

 

I guess I figure that you'd let a male doctor all up in your business, I don't understand why your son shouldn't be allowed to see something that isn't "up in your business" but rather a miracle, from his perspective AND it creates a better bonding experience for the siblings, imho.

[Laura K (NC)]

But so is sex.

 

:blink:

 

My children weren't/aren't welcome at either end of the natural baby-making process.

:001_smile:

[Storm Bay]

Not for me. Only professionals and dh can see me do that. I'm very private, but figure the professionals have seen it all.

[Tammy]

Yep....me too! I didn't like an audience when I had my babies! My dh was lucky I let him in the room....and I had all easy births....no meds....no nothing....

[Danestress]

But so is sex.

 

:blink:

 

My children weren't/aren't welcome at either end of the natural baby-making process.

:001_smile:

 

Right. For me, basically you have specific job or you clear out of the room. My birth is not for anyone's entertainment or education. So for me, I can't even imagine having children there. I don't want to worry about how my kids are handling this. I want to only have to think about one thing. Get. Baby. Out.

 

But if you want to allow the children, I think that's fine for you. I'd just probably make it so that there is a free flow in and out - so that that the kids can come and go as they please and are encouraged to do so. That way, anyone feeling a bit overwhelmed can just sort of wander out.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Depending on the child, I would be ok. Gender wouldn't be as important as desire to be part of the process. Ds was 6 when his sister was born. Having mom who is a childbirth educator, he had seen all my birth videos from a fairly young age. He didn't differentiate between those and the nature shows :) He thought they were fascinating and asked great questions. I asked him if he wanted to be there, but he said no. My midwife explained that around 6 or 7, many children develop a sense of modesty and he probably didn't want to see me in the alltogether. I totally did not want ds4 there because he was very high need at the time and I knew I needed to be able to concentrate on labor and not be concerned about ds.

 

If it were me, I would involve him in the pregnancy and make sure he knew what to expect (noises, nudity, pain, and various bodily fluids and mess, etc.) Then I would ask if he would be comfortable with all that knowing it was his mom. Although giving birth and sex have a lot in common, I think they are different enough that children could be involved. Heck, I wouldn't want the doc or midwife at the "making the baby" part, but I sure am grateful for the support for when the baby comes!

[Melissa in Australia]

I was 10 years old when my mum had my brother at home, she had a lady to help her, I found the birth interesting, but what a mess. I had to clean it up. ( I think mum payed me $20 or something for cleaning) . It has totally turned me off home births for life. I am glad to have all of mine in hospital, and not even look down at the mess.

I would definitely NOT have any of my children present at any birth.

MelissaL

[Aubrey]

I guess I am strange--I not only had my DD with me, but my mom and dad, my brother, his ex's brother, AND my brother's son. Never phased me one bit.

 

I guess I figure that you'd let a male doctor all up in your business, I don't understand why your son shouldn't be allowed to see something that isn't "up in your business" but rather a miracle, from his perspective AND it creates a better bonding experience for the siblings, imho.

 

Nope. No male dr's. No dc. No nurses. In fact, if it were up to me...well, actually, if it were up to me, I might go with the stork after all, lol.

 

I've never had an assistant at my births--they're just too fast. There was one afterward at #1, an apprentice at #2, and nobody but mw & dh at #3. #3 was my favorite, because even dh & mw were asleep most of the time. (I told them I didn't think it was time yet but would wake them up when it was. I think dd was crowning by then.)

 

As to OP's question...I'm not a good one to answer since I don't want anybody there, in particular male people. However, *if* that didn't bother me, I might consider letting ds come. From a future dw's perspective, I guess I'd say he has as much need as a dd to know what's going to happen. That said, I'd prefer to educate both genders w/out any visual aids. But I've mentioned that, haven't I? :blush:;) LOL

[Alenee]

My sis was at the labor of my first dd. She was 18 yo at the time. We weren't the kind of sisters who were super close, but close enough though that when the pain of pushing came, she left because she couldn't stand to see me in that much pain.

 

So many things *can* happen at a birth that I would personally want to keep my dd's out. I almost lost all three girls from different complications. I don't think I would want any of them to have that as a memory.

 

You know your kids though. If you feel they can handle it, by all means, go for it. If you do though, I'd make sure you have someone on hand to take them out, if need be.

[OnTheBrink]

I think childbirth is a private and intimate thing and I wouldn't want my kids there at all.

[abbeyej]

I think childbirth is a private and intimate thing and I wouldn't want my kids there at all.

 

Interesting. I agree entirely with the first part of your statement, but I have no problem with my *children* being there. It's the friends, strangers or extended family members I want nowhere around. (When dd was born, dh and ds were the only people present, and that was how I wanted it. I spent much of labor completely alone, and that too was just what I wanted.)

[Sandy in Indy]

I let my dc decide if they wanted to be at the birth of our youngest (homebirth). Both said before the birth that they didn't want to come...but they both did. They (dd & ds) stayed near my head, held my hand, etc. It truly was a wonderful family experience. We'd talked a lot about birth and watched bunches of Baby Story, so they had some idea about the experience. I'm glad they made the choice to come. Dd was 12 and ds was 9 at the time.

[LadyAberlin]

When my first ds was born, he wouldn't start breathing and he turned blue and went limp and they had to resuscitate him. I'm glad there were no children there. My parents, dh and my sister were there and it was traumatic enough for them, I can't imagine a child witnessing it. That said I would say maybe to dd and no to ds.

[Janna]

Birthing, as you know, is so personal. And each birth is so different. And I don't know if you are wanting to be completely natural about it or not (as in no medicine). But I do know that our mindset (the mother) in labor is crucial to a good delivery.

 

So I know that for me, I would not be able to feel comfortable enough to relax. That would (and has - not because of my children being present but from other factors with my labor) prevent me from moving forward in the laboring process and increase my chances of either having medicine or needing a C-section.

 

So while there are women on here who say, "Yes! Go for it!" they are clearly comfortable with that situation.

 

The question is, are you? I would answer that before I considered whether or not it would be "traumatic" for my kids or not - because ultimately, if you're completely comfortable with them being there and it's clearly a family thing (which could be great) then chances are they won't be traumatized because of the way you're reacting and you can comfortably encourage them...maybe) throughout the process.

[In The Great White North]

even consider it. I'm with Laura K

 

"My children weren't/aren't welcome at either end of the natural baby-making process"

[Barb_]

It would be really hard to explain to your son that you don't want him there because of his gender. All he will hear is you want his sister and you don't want him. If you can't feel completely and totally at ease with them both there, I vote to leave them both out. You do hospital births, right? Use hospital policy as an excuse if you don't want to hurt their feelings.

 

Barb

[katilac]

Gender wouldn't affect my decision.

 

I'd have some concerns about them witnessing the pain, blood and general mess that go along with a problem-free birth, and I'd worry about them witnessing it if something went wrong.

 

When my two were born, if I wasn't cursing or screaming, it was only because I was throwing up. I wouldn't want to feel like I had to put a good face on things in order to not upset them, and I know I wouldn't be able to take off my 'mama hat' and not worry about looking after them. And I don't WANT to look after anyone while giving birth :001_smile:

[Mamagistra]

I loved having my children present at their siblings' births (only the last two, which were at a birth center). I prepared them ahead of time, and it was quite comforting to have them near me.

 

Zoe cut Iago's cord when he was born; Iago cut Mira's when she arrived. :001_smile:

[KidsHappen]

He wasn't there for the labor but intended to come in right at the birth. However, I ended up getting transferred at the last minute so he did get to see it after all. I would certainly give a boy the choice if I thought that he could emotionally handle seeing you in some pain and you were comfortable with it. Especially if all the siblings will be there.

 

All of my dds have attended a birth except for the youngest one. She may attend my grandbaby's if the dr. will allow it at the hospital. I think that attending a birth allows children the chance to experience the miracle of birth. It gives them a chance to think about the whole experience and process it emotionally so they are better prepared for dealing with it later in life. And finally, it teaches them the consequences of their actions better than anything else possibly could.

 

I guess that I am more comfortable with having people there than most. I was like Toni. I had the following people at my births: my husband, my mother, my brother and several of my children. My brother took pictures of most of the births. He missed one child that was in the middle and she feels horribly left out. I was concerned that he would be uncomfortable with he but he was just fine and he was only 18 or 19 for the first one he attended.

 

My dd intends to have as many people there as the dr. will allow which in our family could potentially be a lot of people. On the other hand, I have one dd who will probably not even tolerate a dr. I guess it just depends on your personal comfort level. Talk with your ds and make the decision together. ANd be sure to let us know when the baby arrives. :)

[Joanne]

A lot of it depends on whether you are an introvert/extrovert. I am an introvert and frankly would have preferred to birth alone.

 

I do not think hard and fast determinations on this topic "work".

 

Prepared kids of either gender are a reasonable consideration to attend a birth. Or not, depending on personality of the mom/dad and born kids.

[kat19]

this last one, my kids were there during the day when not much was going on~a few contractions and such but nothing major..

My water didn't get broken until 5pm.. Kids were out of room when nurse or dr came in to check me and so on, so they didn't see anything "down there"..

I did have some complications and dd came into room while they were putting oxygen on me and I think it freaked her out a bit not knowing what was going on.. Her daddy explained it to her after awhile, but I didn't let them in right away.. I was crying and didn't want them to see me like that..

Eventually they left to stay with friends and came back the next morning to see their baby brother :D

My kids would have stayed in the waiting room during delivery if they would have stayed at hospital, I wouldn't want them in the room with me~that's just my opinion.

 

If you feel comfortable with your kids in the room with you, go for it.. It's up to you and your hubby.

[*anj*]

I never wanted any of my children present either. They were all very young, so it wouldn't have been educational, more of a bonding thing. Still, I'm in the "Leave me alone in my little room and I'll call you when I'm done" camp. I was irritable during labor, and not necessarily on good behavior. It was all about getting the baby out, you know? There were words that flew out of my mouth, I cried, I wanted it to be over, I wanted to stop, I just wasn't at all concerned with how other people in the room felt. And I'm okay with that because during that time it was all about me and the baby who was being born.

 

So I wouldn't want my older children to be present for that.

Maybe if I'd labored like the woman in the video I had to watch I'd feel differently. Did any of you see that awful thing? She went like "Hee hee haa haa...mmph...mmphhhh...aaahhh....Oh, it's a girl!" :001_huh:

Not me, honey, not me.

 

And let's not even mention that during the last birth there were a couple of unfortunate incidents concerning body fluids. 'Nuff said there.:glare:

 

But that's just me. You should truly, truly do whatever seems right to you! :)

[DIY-DY]

My dd11 has expressed her desire to be present at the birth since we told her about it. I've "briefed" her on what to expect and she's "cool" with it. My older boy (ds9) said he might want to be there, too. Ds8 hasn't said a thing. WWYD? If Ds were a girl, I wouldn't even think twice. But, do you think it would be too much "anatomy" education and just too much to handle for a 9 (almost 10) yo boy? My dh hasn't expressed an opinion and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it either. Any opinions? I know there are...that's why I asked. :D TIA

 

I consider ourselves fairly modest, but then, this question comes up and I think, "Huh. Or are we?" It never dawned on me to keep the boys out for the births. It's such a personal call, and people I admire and respect have chimed in on both sides of the question. For us, though, certainly, we felt it was a good thing. When EmBaby (2yo) asked during a contraction, "Mama have a boo-boo?" The boys told her, "No boo-boo. She's working. This is hard work, but it's good." I like that they have such a healthy perspective on that, and that's not necessarily something they'd have from watching A Baby Story.

 

The only thing we've had trouble with is keeping the smaller ones out of the pool. This time around, it was actually the 9yo ds who was the most help in keeping the little ones out. He'd seen it before, and said, "Oh, no, you really don't want to get in there. Trust me. Let's go play cards." LOL.

 

How exciting for you that you're getting so close!! YIPPEE!!!:D

Dy

[JWSJ]

Ha ha, that was such a funny question for my family.

 

The question when my kids were born was whether I (the husband/father) would be in the room. I wanted to be there, but said I would prefer MIL not be in the room too. Luckily, my wife agreed that having her mother in the room would be a disaster.

 

We ended up with an emergency C-section for our son. In the OR, the doctor/surgeon asked me if I wanted to inspect his work afterward. I declined stating that they would need an additional bed for me to pass out on.

 

Unfortunately, my wife remembers none of it. She was doped up due to the complications. So, I tell her about it...

[Guest Cindy in SoCal]

:auto: My son was at his little brother's birth. He was sixteen at the time and stood over my left shoulder. His view was very limited from this vantage point. Eight years later, his biggest memory is probably of the drive to the hospital. I accused my poor dh of speeding up too slow and slowing down too fast!

 

Seriously, though, it is a very personal decision. For our family it seemed perfectly natural to have him present. I was surprised he asked to be there, quite frankly. He was able to hold his little brother within minutes of the birth and their bond is incredible to this day. I wouldn't have done it any other way.

 

Good luck to your family,

 

Cindy in SoCal

[Sue G in PA]

I remember not caring one way or another WHO was in with me during labor. I was so focused on the birth, that the President could have come in and I wouldn't have noticed and/or cared. :D Dd missed my last birth b/c we ended up transferring to the hospital (my choice). I was too tired and just didn't have the "will" to do the homebirth w/out medication. I'm bound and determined w/ this one to stick it out...really so dd can have that experience. I doubt she'll be around for the labor (mine goes quickly anyway) and I think I"ll call her in at the last, "crowning", moment of the birth. That way I know it's immenent, KWIM? As for ds...we'll have to talk to him more and see what his real desires are. Does he want to be there b/c dd is? OR, does he really want to be a part of it? KWIM? Thanks for your thoughts. Honestly...I think it'll come down to how I feel "during" as opposed to how I feel right now!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I can't believe she made you clean up the mess. My midwife told me that she and her assistant would clean all of that up. She asked dh for instructions on how to run the washer and she put the load in herself. All I can say is WOW!

[dirty ethel rackham]

Sue,

 

One more thought ... do you have a Bradley teacher near you? or another independent childbirth educator? Some of them might have videos about having children at the birth. I have one (fairly old) called Birth of Our Choice (done by the Bradley Method people.) I don't necessarily agree with all the choices this family made (too many people and too much noise for my taste) but they had a job for each child and each child seemed happy to be there (except maybe the 8 yo girl who looked like she just wanted to go to bed :).

 

Also, there was a Baby's Story episode from several years ago about a woman whose children (having been out for the day with their grandparents) barely made it home in time to see their sibling being born. They were thrilled to be there and the laboring woman was distressed that they might not make it home in time. It was a very unique blended family situation where the widowed father married his late wife's best friend, who helped them through her cancer struggle and became nanny to the children. It was a very touching episode.

 

Ultimately, it is up to you and how you feel about his presence. If he has the right attitude, will he be helpful or will he get in the way - emotionally.

[3lilreds in NC]

I think giving birth is yucky. I didn't want to see their heads coming out and I DID NOT want to observe any part of my c-section! I made sure my OB knew not to show me my uterus - I told him that anything that belonged inside my body was not for public viewing, LOL! I had a friend whose dr. showed her her uterus - no, thanks. And you can bet I have not saved any placentas, either!:D

 

However, my friend Jenny does home births, and all her kids have been there for each new one. She can explain to them that she's only in pain during the contractions. Her two older girls have cut cords - this last time her dd who was almost 5 cut the cord for their baby boy. I think it's really, really neat that they can do that.

 

Yes, there is pain. That's no fun. But, it's a fact of life. I admire Jenny so much. If you think you can handle having them there, I say go for it.

[Quiver0f10]

I would allow them to be there if that's what they want. I'd probably get a few discreet videos of births for them to watch before hand. You could have ds be at your head and he could still be part of it, but not see too much kwim?

 

Congratulations!

[momtolgd]

Well, I didn't think I'd want the kids in the room when the baby was born, but it ended up all happening so fast and we didn't have much choice. Oldest ds was 6 and dd was 4. My inlaws are the closest family to us, and that's an hour and a half.

 

My water broke at 4:15AM, I called them at about 5:15AM, we arrived at the hospital at 7:05AM and he was born at 7:32AM...the inlaws arrived at about 7:50AM. So everything happening so fast, we didn't have anyone else to take the kids out, so they sat on the side of the room and watched everything. They couldn't see him actually come out, but they were aware of how it happens as we had talked about it beforehand.

 

My then 6yo ds got upset about me screaming in pain, but it was so fast that it didn't last long and the mood changed to happy. The process as they saw it was what we had explained beforehand and they were ok with it with some reassurance that I was ok.

 

I wouldn't have chose for them to be there to see that, but in the end it was amazing for them to be right there to meet their baby brother immediately. It created a wonderful bond for us all, and now looking back I'm so glad it worked out that way.

 

As for too much anatomy for a boy...if you are ok with your ds being in there, you can make sure he's on the side and up far enough that he doesn't actually see the birth itself. Both of my children were ok with that.

[GothicGyrl]

what Joanne said about "introvert/extrovert" makes sense because knowing how extroverted I am, it makes sense that I've no problem watching them do surgery on me..

 

I've had two toe surgeries in the Podiatrists office that I've watched (both had to have a bone removed out of the pinky toe)

 

I watched my tubal ligation (through the reflection in the lights)

 

And at my youngest DD birth, the doctor not only put a mirror up for me to see, but I held/touched her head as she was coming out and then once out, he put the placenta on me (while I was holding her) and showed me and DD all the parts.

 

Of course, I've got pictures of both DD's tonsil surgeries (;) ) and pictures of youngest DD airway(internal, both sides) and pictures of her vocal chords (all needed anyway for Pulm to eliminate some issues), so I got to keep them. ;)

 

I really am strange, aren't I? :)

[Marie in Oh]

those who know me would say that I am quite extroverted. However, there is no way no how I would want any of my kids there. Ughhh! I can't imagine what they would think. No sir. That would be a nightmare. It is just a private time of hard work and concentration and I couldn't deal with the distractions. But, if you want them there, that is a whole different story. I'd say, if they are game, go for it. I would prepare them for the mess and if there was a complication I would get them out of there.

[Jann in TX]

Looking back we really really wish we would have had a plan B.

 

We were in a hospital--beautiful birthing suit. DH and dd's played cards through most of my labor (the room had a table and chairs too).

 

When it came time for the actual birth things turned sour--and we did not have an available person to take older dd's out of the room.

 

I had a series of delivery complications and youngest dd nearly died. The room was VERY tense--and there were LOTS of medical support people/gadgets...

 

When youngest dd was delivered she was white and not responsive (apgar was a 1). I got a glimpse of my dd 9's face at and I will NEVER forget her horror! The good news is that youngest dd is now 6 and is even considered 'gifted'.

 

My middle dd still swears that she is going to adopt all of her children.

 

If you do allow your other children in--make sure you have a plan B!

[Kay in Cal]

I keep on inviting people to my births, and no one will come! Moms, mil, step-mom, dads, whatever... either the travel hasn't worked out or they have NO interest. Sigh. Both times it has been just me and dh and a doula.

 

I have easy and fast natural labors (though in a hospital), and other than a tendency to tear because of the speed with which I push I don't have any medical issues that would make me rethink inviting my kids. I would want them to be old enough to be quiet and not disturb the process too much, so that will be at age 25 if my boys continue on thier current trajectory. :glare:

 

My doulas both took great birth pictures, including crowning etc... and I love all of them. My boys have seen their "birth albums" from an early age, including a couple of "money shots" of the tops of their fuzzy heads, so I can't imagine they would be shocked by anything. I'm pretty comfortable with my body, and with bodies in general.

 

I agree that birth is so personal. It needs to be how YOU want it to be. I would be careful about the feelings of my children, but opt for the birth experience that I want!

[GothicGyrl]

those who know me would say that I am quite extroverted. However, there is no way no how I would want any of my kids there. Ughhh! I can't imagine what they would think. No sir. That would be a nightmare. It is just a private time of hard work and concentration and I couldn't deal with the distractions. But, if you want them there, that is a whole different story. I'd say, if they are game, go for it. I would prepare them for the mess and if there was a complication I would get them out of there.

I guess it's just a matter of how I was raised.. my family was very open with all that fancy medical stuff, even the bad stuff, so for us, it was more of a "meh" (not a dismissive one, but a "this is what happens, nothing I can do" one) and really not that big of a deal. Complications? Yeah, I discussed those with oldest, but fortunately I had enough people that would have taken her out if it was really that bad. As it was, the worse it got was me being prepped for surgery right after the birth (tubal) and she was cool with that.

 

But then again, my whole family finds medical things fascinating. Even now, we watch shows like "medical incredible" and stuff... so it almost appears as just another "day in the life of" for us. :)

[beansprouts]

My daughter was present at both her brothers' homebirths. The first time she was not quite 5 and the second time she had just turned 7. She was well prepared ahead of time and knew what to expect. She was very sweet, comforting me while I labored, helping the midwives, and she cut the cord after the babies were born. I loved having her there with me! I was willing to have 2 year old ds present at his little brother's birth, but he fell asleep shortly before the delivery. This wasn't about giving my kids a "biology lesson". Birth is not a medical procedure, it is a family event. Our midwives were pretty much "hands off" and let dh and I handle things unless we needed their help. I loved having my family together to welcome our newest member. It was very special to me to have my children present. :001_smile:

 

 

 

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I wouldn't worry about the anatomy exposure at all. My kids have seen it on video. I would, however, be very hesitant to have them see me in so much pain and agony. I have very fast, furious, painful, loud, traumatic, unmedicated births. I don't do it like those women in the videos. :o My kids aren't big on blood either, so that would be a concern. I thought about having my kids (boy age 7 1/2 and girl age 9 at the time) at my baby's birth. My dh wisely advised that seeing me in so much pain may have adverse effects on them. Knowing that baby was the cause of it might not sit well with them either. He was right. I was glad they weren't there. It wasn't pretty. But the baby was! (She still is, by the way. She's 2 1/2 now).