Parents being mean in public to their kids (rant)

[gaillardia]

I am sure that many WTMers would have said something to this woman, I was afraid of her. I was waiting in a dentist office waiting room, a young pregnant woman with 3 children railed on two of them for a half hour. She was non-stop telling them how bad they were: sit down, shut up, don't do that, cut it out, you're bad, wait til we get home, I'm going to beat you, I'm not going to wait until we get home I'll beat you with the paddle out on the parking lot, I'm going to tell so and so how bad you are, wait til he finds out he'll bust you.

You're so bad you don't get ice cream when we leave here.

These kids, boys aged maybe 3 and 5, were being fairly quiet, would sit in a different chair, looking at books or magazines. It was one of the weirdest things I have ever seen a parent do right out there for the whole world to hear, of course I was the only one sitting there besides them!

The oldest one was a girl, she was absolutely quiet, I guess she learned.

 

I finally walked out. I imagine she blamed them for that too.

My heart was racing so bad I thought I was going to have a heart attack, maybe I was having a panic attack?

Before I moved to this state I had never seen so much outright verbal abuse of children. I have heard of much worse in this state.

My dh thinks women are treated like second class citizens here. It's just all weird to us, we are still suffering from culture shock.

[amy g.]

That must have been very upsetting.

 

I was visiting my mom's house once when I was grown, but my brother sill lived at home. She did not like how his hair was combed. She said he looked like an idiot. She said no one would ever like him. He would never have any friends. She wished he had never been born.

 

I told her to stop. She said, I didn't live there so I didn't know how awful he really is.

 

I left, but my hands were still shaking 6 hours later when I got home. It is horrifying to see someone treated that was.

[OnTheBrink]

Having been raised by a verbally and emotionally abusive mother, that scene would have sent me off the deep end.

 

Sometimes I think I need ptsd therapy.

 

Those poor children, though. I wonder what that woman is like at home? **shudder** Then again, maybe I don't.

[SonshineLearner]

Yup, Probably would have, but maybe not what you're imagining. I would say, "Wow, look at your beautiful kids. I know how it is to have little kids who are antsy about coming to the Dentist. It's just not fair that moms never get breaks, huh? I'd love to read them a story right here while you take a break for a few minutes. Would you like to take a smoke or whatever??" Yup, I'd say it.

Now... shoot me if you want... but I've been out there with the little boy getting spanked, but I can promise you he wasn't just looking at magazines... But, usually in public, it's better to just take a chill pill. It's hard, but remembering what my little angel boy looks like at night.... asleep... helps :) (Don't they just look so sweet with their little eyes fluttering??!!)

 

:)

[gaillardia]

I appreciate your responses.

There have been times where I've thrown a few supportive comments out there to hectic moms, but this was one of those times where it just felt wrong to do it. I've helped mom strangers with their kids, and I thought of doing it with this one, but she seemed like she was trying to keep them away from my area. I'm not handicapped, just an average middle-aged mom.

I don't know, maybe if I encounter this kind of thing again I will have the courage to offer to read to kids. Ordinarily, I may have done that, but since this mom was so abusive period, I didn't feel like my offer would have been well received.

I wondered what it was like at home too. (cringe)

Thanks for "listening."

[littlebug42]

I wasn't there but I have to say that we need to not be quick to criticize until we have walked a mile in that mother's shoes. You have no idea what her morning was like prior to the dentist appointment. Some of my most harrowing moments have been trying to get my kids out the door to appointments and although I am not proud of it, sometimes I have a hard time letting that go. I would never in a million years call them names but I have been known to utter things like wait until we get home or wait until I talk to your Dad.

[Tree House Academy]

I always said I would never be mean to my kids in public too. I said that I would never get angry and let it be obvious to others. Then I gave birth to a child who really challenges me as a mother. While I don't tell me children they are "bad" or that I will have someone beat them when we get home, I have threatened them with "oh child...wait till we get home..." before. I can't see it with a 3 and 5 year old...especially ones who would sit and partially behave. My older son can absolutely make everyone around him miserable and when you add in my younger son, the pair of them can do in about anyone. Again, I think what the woman said to her kids was harsh and maybe even bordered on abusive...especially given their ages. However, to say that I have not been "mean" (maybe as others would see it) to my kids in public, I am sure I have. I have to teach them to be respectable humans and that includes possibly embarassing them or myself in public.

[kmacnchs]

Not sure what I would have done but if I see it, I think that is a great idea to verbally empathize with her and offer to read them a story.

 

As far as being "mean" to my kids in public - yup. I remember being in the library and my girls (ages 2 & 3) were messing w/each other (like always)while I was trying to check out. I took them forcefully by the arm and sat them down on the floor and said, "sit". I'm sure someone was judging me and I was judging myself - they did not need to be running around and kicking each other but I was still upset when we got to the car a couple of minutes later (mainly b/c they embarrassed me - never a reason to discipline!).

[BikeBookBread]

There have been plenty of times when I have been in public and spoke harshly to my children, and felt JUST AWFUL about it. It was often at a time when the backstory behind the anger would have probably made the onlooker a little more sympathetic.

 

I'm not condoning the mother's behavior in the original post, nor am I saying what I have done is right. But there are times in life when we, as onlookers, just don't know the whole story which has led up to the incident, and perhaps the Mom just could use a little bit of sympathy and a smile rather than a frown or judgement.

 

ETA: I am in NO WAY condoning the verbal abuse mentioned in the original post. Just so everyone knows this...above, I'm speaking of the average (though not great, and impatient), "Will you just PLEASE put that DOWN NOW!?" kind of stuff in the checkout lane at Target.

Edited May 14, 2010 by BikeBookBread
FURTHER CLARIFICATION...

[Pretty in Pink]

Being a momma is so hard sometimes. I'm not saying her behavior was acceptable, especially name calling or belittling. I'm sure it hurt those kids' feelings to be spoken to that way. Still, I think we all know what it's like to have a stressful day with several little ones in tow.

 

I am not above pinching my child's ear in public to get their attention and telling them to have a seat against a wall if necessary so that I can gain control of a situation. I'm sure it looks mean to some people. Oh well.

 

In some regions of the country I think there is more pressure for children to behave well in public and more pressure on parents to 'keep their kids in line'. I am rarely embarrassed by a child's behavior in public but I have seen parents who seem embarrassed when their children behave in childish ways - wiggling, talking too loudly, being rambunctious, etc. Parents often overreact when they feel stressed. It sounds like that is what happened here.

[Orthodox6]

Scary. OP has described children sitting quietly, yet being threatened with all manner of harm. I cannot imagine any "previous events" to justify this. I would bet that those children are scared stiff of their mother.

[Snickerdoodle]

I hate to judge parents when we are out and about because I know I've had days where the straw broke the camel's back at a pretty early hour.

 

However, I'm always amazed at witnessing a child throwing a tantrum and the parents mode of action is to scream louder than the child.

[BikeBookBread]

Scary. OP has described children sitting quietly, yet being threatened with all manner of harm. I cannot imagine any "previous events" to justify this. I would bet that those children are scared stiff of their mother.

 

I think you are probably referring to my comment but just didn't quote me. (Referring to "previous events"...)

 

Please....I'm not saying AT ALL that the mom described by the OP was justified in her behavior and actions -- you are right, I completely agree with you -- those kids are terrified of their Mom. Perhaps I should edit my comments to be more clear -- I probably scanned the post and missed the part about sitting quietly. I honestly don't remember reading that...that will teach me to scan a post before replying!

 

I guess what I am really saying is that when we as Moms see other Moms being mean (yelling, snyde comments, etc.) in public (I'm not talking over-the-top like the OP-described Mom), sometimes there are circumstances that we just don't know about...backtalk going on and on and on in the car, up with infant all night, not being able to pay the bills, Dad out of work, etc... that have made even the most-patient Mom act poorly. Please don't think that I'm justifying that mother's behavior AT ALL.

[Denisemomof4]

when I read the title of your post, I got embarrassed for myself for the times I was mean with my kids in public. Then I actually read your post and WOW. I don't think I could have sat through that without saying anything. BEAT them? PADDLE them? I'm ok with spanking, but your description is troubling. Did the kids seem scared???

 

When I was bad to my kids, it's more of a comment of, "I've absolutely HAD IT. Stop it NOW!" or the like. I mean seriously, I guess that woman would consider me an :Angel_anim: when I felt I was at my worst in public.

[Blessedfamily]

Last week I was in the grocery store and a very calm, professionally dressed lady walked by with three girls. One of them picked up a pack of cookies, and the mother said, "If you don't put that down, I will smack you into tomorrow."

She then went on about her way.

 

I was just shocked at how the comment didn't seem to match her demeanor. I'm not judging her, but it seemed so odd because she looked so calm.

[Heather in MD]

Primetime: What Would You Do?

Friday, May 14, 9/8c

 

Hidden cameras record people's reactions to a battered woman in a New Jersey diner, a mother forcing her children to get out of her car and a mother breastfeeding in public.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo

[LizzyBee]

Last week I was in the grocery store and a very calm, professionally dressed lady walked by with three girls. One of them picked up a pack of cookies, and the mother said, "If you don't put that down, I will smack you into tomorrow."

She then went on about her way.

 

I was just shocked at how the comment didn't seem to match her demeanor. I'm not judging her, but it seemed so odd because she looked so calm.

 

I've said things like that to my kids. It's just an expression and they know it's not a real threat.

[Guest janainaz]

There have been plenty of times when I have been in public and spoke harshly to my children, and felt JUST AWFUL about it. It was often at a time when the backstory behind the anger would have probably made the onlooker a little more sympathetic.

 

I'm not condoning the mother's behavior in the original post, nor am I saying what I have done is right. But there are times in life when we, as onlookers, just don't know the whole story which has led up to the incident, and perhaps the Mom just could use a little bit of sympathy and a smile rather than a frown or judgement.

 

I think this is so true. Maybe not in all circumstances (and certainly not in the case of outright abuse), but in the majority of instances, the ONE thing that a mom needs is just a word or look of compassion to set her free because guilt can take the rest of the day in the other direction. Just one show of mercy can make a huge impact.

 

No one desires to feel that feeling of frustration, and it often comes from already feeling guilty. More guilt and judgement heaped on just makes it worse.

[Blessedfamily]

I've said things like that to my kids. It's just an expression and they know it's not a real threat.

 

Yeah, the girl didn't look too concerned. She just put the cookies back and went on with the rest. But some people sure can blow up and deflate quickly.

[HRAAB]

One time when my dh and I were dining out, we asked the waiter if we could move across the patio for exactly this reason. There was a mother verbally abusing her children - much like in the OP. I was getting ill. Anyway, we moved to other side and by the time we got through eating the mother, her friend and two children and dh and I were the only people left. The mother's friend on her way out came by our table to say she was sorry we had to move, assuming it was because of the children. I told her the children seemed very well behaved, but it was because of the mother's behavior I had to move - that I simply could not sit that close to her and listen to her verbally abuse those children. The friend said something along the lines 'if you had children you'd understand' to which I replied I had five children. She shut up and left.

 

I'll never, never forget the look on the faces of the children. One of the saddest meals I've ever had. And afterwards, I was afraid that I had made it worse for the children by saying anything. I don't know the best thing to do in a situation like that.

[melissel]

Scary. OP has described children sitting quietly, yet being threatened with all manner of harm. I cannot imagine any "previous events" to justify this. I would bet that those children are scared stiff of their mother.

 

Gosh, I was thinking the same thing :( I understand having sympathy, and I have absolutely had my less than stellar mama moments, but just where does someone cross the line into verbal abuse? And why shouldn't we form an opinion about it? Isn't protecting children worth it? Where else do abuse prevention efforts come from, if not from others deciding to intervene at some point?

 

I was recently at a kids' theater performance, and there was a family sitting in front of us. I saw the little girl, and her behavior was perfectly normal--better than normal, actually, for a 4- or 5-year-old. Everything was fine, we had a great time, the show was terrific. Then, as we were leaving after the show, filing slowly up the side aisle to get to the exit, we passed that little girl and her dad. She was cowering in a theater seat (not the one they were seated in), and her father was bent down, forehead to forehead with her, screaming and growling at her about her "outburst" and "NO CANDY!!!!" She was terrified, curled up in a ball in the seat, not making eye contact with him but watching all of us file up the row, ignoring what was happening. You could see the horror on people's faces, but no one did or said a word. After one of the things he said to her, I gasped and said, "Oh my G*d!!!" involuntarily...but he didn't even register it. And since he was so clearly physical with her, I was afraid to do more for fear of what she'd get at home. Plus, I had my own kids with me. But I just really hate the idea that we live in a world where we can just walk past that and do nothing :( I still want to throw up when I think about it that poor little girl, watching us all walk past her and no one helping her.

 

 

Primetime: What Would You Do?

Friday, May 14, 9/8c

 

Hidden cameras record people's reactions to a battered woman in a New Jersey diner, a mother forcing her children to get out of her car and a mother breastfeeding in public.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo

 

Ugh, DH loves these shows, but they make me sick to my stomach!

 

I've said things like that to my kids. It's just an expression and they know it's not a real threat.

 

But then why say it? It's such a horrible threat, over such a small thing (at least in the example mentioned). Would you threaten your husband that way? (Sorry, I'm not attacking you, but I truly don't understand why one would say something like that to their child.)

[Remudamom]

That's when I'd say something like "They look like pretty good boys to me, let's call social services and see if we can arrange for ME to have them."

[melissel]

I think this is so true. Maybe not in all circumstances (and certainly not in the case of outright abuse), but in the majority of instances, the ONE thing that a mom needs is just a word or look of compassion to set her free because guilt can take the rest of the day in the other direction. Just one show of mercy can make a huge impact.

 

No one desires to feel that feeling of frustration, and it often comes from already feeling guilty. More guilt and judgement heaped on just makes it worse.

 

I agree with you about compassion, but IMO, people also need to realize when they're crossing a line. If no one ever points out that they're going beyond acceptable behavior, how will they know? It seems like a lot of times people think everyone feels the way they do. But no, sorry, railing at your kids for a half hour in public (or at home, or anywhere) is not OK.

[Remudamom]

Re the actor abusing the actress..........I think it would have served him right if some woman had come up behind him and brained him with a cast iron skillet. I don't think it's right to set people up like that either.

[Orthodox6]

I think you are probably referring to my comment but just didn't quote me. (Referring to "previous events"...)

.

 

Don't be nervous ! :) I was thinking of "Littlebug42", who observed that we here had not "walked in the shoes" of that mother, and could not know what had gone on during the day prior to the dental appointment.

 

I felt that, no matter how bad the previous hours might have been for the mother, nothing justified such horrible speech toward her children. I can understand a "quick blip bark" that is, well, less-than-loving. OP, however, described a cruel, ceaseless tirade forced upon defenseless, very young children.

[Guest janainaz]

I agree with you about compassion, but IMO, people also need to realize when they're crossing a line. If no one ever points out that they're going beyond acceptable behavior, how will they know? It seems like a lot of times people think everyone feels the way they do. But no, sorry, railing at your kids for a half hour in public (or at home, or anywhere) is not OK.

 

Yeah, like I stated, not in the case of outright abuse.

[melissel]

Yeah, like I stated, not in the case of outright abuse.

 

Ah, sorry, I didn't really register that part of your statement! I was thinking still of people expressing the "you don't know what her morning was like before that" perspective, since I don't really think that anything could have happened that morning to justify that kind of behavior. My apologies!

[Caribbean Queen]

Scary. OP has described children sitting quietly, yet being threatened with all manner of harm. I cannot imagine any "previous events" to justify this. I would bet that those children are scared stiff of their mother.

 

:iagree: Poor children.

[teamturner]

I was recently at a kids' theater performance, and there was a family sitting in front of us. I saw the little girl, and her behavior was perfectly normal--better than normal, actually, for a 4- or 5-year-old. Everything was fine, we had a great time, the show was terrific. Then, as we were leaving after the show, filing slowly up the side aisle to get to the exit, we passed that little girl and her dad. She was cowering in a theater seat (not the one they were seated in), and her father was bent down, forehead to forehead with her, screaming and growling at her about her "outburst" and "NO CANDY!!!!" She was terrified, curled up in a ball in the seat, not making eye contact with him but watching all of us file up the row, ignoring what was happening. You could see the horror on people's faces, but no one did or said a word. After one of the things he said to her, I gasped and said, "Oh my G*d!!!" involuntarily...but he didn't even register it. And since he was so clearly physical with her, I was afraid to do more for fear of what she'd get at home. Plus, I had my own kids with me. But I just really hate the idea that we live in a world where we can just walk past that and do nothing :( I still want to throw up when I think about it that poor little girl, watching us all walk past her and no one helping her.

 

 

That's just awful! I don't know if I would have had the courage to do something to help her, but someone should have helped her!!! She was looking at everyone walking past her and everyone walked by w/o doing anything??? That little girl probably thinks that her father's behavior is normal. Even if she got it worse when she got home because someone intervened, at least she would know that someone cared! Perhaps you could have called the police from the lobby and waited for someone to come. I don't know, I'm NOT judging your lack of action because I might have done the same thing, but it should not be that way.

 

I remember Dr. Laura had a caller once that had intervened when some mom was hitting her dc and yelling at them in a department store. The woman who spoke to the mother about how she was treating her dc was physically assaulted by the lady. She grabbed her hair and started hitting her. No one did anything. The lady finally stopped and left w/her dc. At least that's how I remember the story. So you never know how the abuser is going to react. That's why I lean toward calling the police.

[Orthodox6]

I was recently at a kids' theater performance, and there was a family sitting in front of us. I saw the little girl, and her behavior was perfectly normal--better than normal, actually, for a 4- or 5-year-old. Everything was fine, we had a great time, the show was terrific. Then, as we were leaving after the show, filing slowly up the side aisle to get to the exit, we passed that little girl and her dad. She was cowering in a theater seat (not the one they were seated in), and her father was bent down, forehead to forehead with her, screaming and growling at her about her "outburst" and "NO CANDY!!!!" She was terrified, curled up in a ball in the seat, not making eye contact with him but watching all of us file up the row, ignoring what was happening. You could see the horror on people's faces, but no one did or said a word. After one of the things he said to her, I gasped and said, "Oh my G*d!!!" involuntarily...but he didn't even register it. And since he was so clearly physical with her, I was afraid to do more for fear of what she'd get at home. Plus, I had my own kids with me. But I just really hate the idea that we live in a world where we can just walk past that and do nothing :( I still want to throw up when I think about it that poor little girl, watching us all walk past her and no one helping her.

 

 

:sad: Very, very :sad:

 

I might have, on irresistible impulse, asked an usher to intervene.

[Annie Laurie]

Primetime: What Would You Do?

 

Friday, May 14, 9/8c

 

Hidden cameras record people's reactions to a battered woman in a New Jersey diner, a mother forcing her children to get out of her car and a mother breastfeeding in public.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo

 

A mother breastfeeding in public is akin to a woman being abused and a mother neglecting her children? :001_huh: It concerns me that Primetime even put all of these together.

[Annie Laurie]

I agree that there is a difference between a mom being short with her children because she's obviously harried and having a bad day, most of us have been there, and a mom being verbally abusive.

[Annie Laurie]

A mother breastfeeding in public is akin to a woman being abused and a mother neglecting her children? :001_huh: It concerns me that Primetime even put all of these together.

 

Okay, I looked at the website and see that it was about a woman being berated for bfing in public. Makes more sense now.

[LizzyBee]

But then why say it? It's such a horrible threat, over such a small thing (at least in the example mentioned). Would you threaten your husband that way? (Sorry, I'm not attacking you, but I truly don't understand why one would say something like that to their child.)

 

My dh and I sometimes talk to each other that way, but no I don't threaten him. Like I said, it's an expression, not a threat. Why say it? For me, it's to handle the situation with humor rather than harshness. When I say it, it's obvious from my tone that I'm not upset or being mean. The woman in the previous post (not op) didn't sound upset, either, so maybe she uses it the same way I do. Or maybe not.

 

ETA: The idea of me threatening dh made me laugh, because he is so much bigger than me. :-)

Edited May 15, 2010 by LizzyBee

[Audrey]

I am sure that many WTMers would have said something to this woman, I was afraid of her. I was waiting in a dentist office waiting room, a young pregnant woman with 3 children railed on two of them for a half hour. She was non-stop telling them how bad they were: sit down, shut up, don't do that, cut it out, you're bad, wait til we get home, I'm going to beat you, I'm not going to wait until we get home I'll beat you with the paddle out on the parking lot, I'm going to tell so and so how bad you are, wait til he finds out he'll bust you.

You're so bad you don't get ice cream when we leave here.

These kids, boys aged maybe 3 and 5, were being fairly quiet, would sit in a different chair, looking at books or magazines. It was one of the weirdest things I have ever seen a parent do right out there for the whole world to hear, of course I was the only one sitting there besides them!

The oldest one was a girl, she was absolutely quiet, I guess she learned.

 

I finally walked out. I imagine she blamed them for that too.

My heart was racing so bad I thought I was going to have a heart attack, maybe I was having a panic attack?

Before I moved to this state I had never seen so much outright verbal abuse of children. I have heard of much worse in this state.

My dh thinks women are treated like second class citizens here. It's just all weird to us, we are still suffering from culture shock.

 

 

There is no excuse for that, IMO. At the threats of beatings, especially the one indicating a paddle waiting in the parking lot, I would have stepped outside and called Family Services. But then, I wouldn't give a rat's patootie what she or anyone else would think of that either. Her behaviour was purely repugnant and abusive.

[Daisy]

I think what concerns me most is that, let's face it, most of us behave better in public. I can't imagine what kind of angry person this lady is at home. Yikes.

[Happy2BaMom]

....I have never known what to say, either, but I've determined that I will say something in the future, even if it's just to offer my opinion. "It can be so frustrating to be a mom, can't it? But I have to say that I think they are being incredibly good. If my children were that quiet, I would be very impressed." At least the kids would hear something positive said about them. Even a small positive comment can stick in their brain and let them know someone else does NOT think that behavior is normal.

 

Before I moved to this state I had never seen so much outright verbal abuse of children. I have heard of much worse in this state.

 

I'm curious - what state are you in?

[gaillardia]

It pretty much seemed like a "this is how I treat my kids all the time" situation. Not once did she soften her tone, show affection, or smile. I smiled at the kids and well...I'm not going to justify my behavior or excuse myself and say I was thinking the wrong things.

I didn't plan this train wreck on the forum here, wow, what a lot of different/opposite opinions.

We are in Texas. I'm not a perfect mom either.

The words she said were just a part of what I remembered, she did not stop, except for when she was on the phone for about 3 minutes. I was trying to read, write, anything...if I'd had the phone number for social services I suppose I would have called.

 

Well, maybe not. But I was thinking about it.

Edited May 15, 2010 by gingerh
not entirely accurate

[Happy2BaMom]

...anytime you say anything, you are stepping into it, with unpredictable results. And most of the time, I've been afraid of raising the parent's tension level and making the situation worse.

 

I'm not surprised that you've gotten such a mix of responses...this parental privacy/possible child abuse issue crosses so many lines/boundaries for everyone.

 

It is so hard for me to understand why people believe it is OK to treat children like they are not people, or that they have no right to be treated humanely. Especially in this day and age when there is so much knowledge/information about developmental levels, positive discipline, etc. It certainly doesn't seem like anything is getting any better.

[Harriet Vane]

if I'd had the phone number for social services I suppose I would have called.

 

It sounds like a hideously uncomfortable situation for all of you. :grouphug:

 

Even if you had called social services, there is nothing they can do. It is not a crime to speak in a mean way to your children. They respond to specific allegations that indicate physical or s@xual abuse.

[Mejane]

I wasn't there but I have to say that we need to not be quick to criticize until we have walked a mile in that mother's shoes. You have no idea what her morning was like prior to the dentist appointment.

 

Sorry, but I hate that excuse that someone is having a bad day. Moms aren't allowed to take their bad day out on their kids through verbal abuse. It's just not right no matter what the reason.

 

There is a huge difference between losing your temper and threatening to beat your kids when you get home.

 

I would have said something. I have. I will continue to do so. The one or two times I haven't said something, I felt guilty for days and like I let the kids down.

[LizzyBee]

I think what concerns me most is that, let's face it, most of us behave better in public. I can't imagine what kind of angry person this lady is at home. Yikes.

 

:iagree:

[LibraryLover]

There is a lot of mental illness in our society that goes unidagnosed, untreated and unisured.

 

This person should be able to suck it up, and yank up her own boot straps, and never mind that sob story that she might might have been an abused child...rich or poor...on the Aspie spectrum left untreated.. that's not our issue, as she is probably a bum, already getting 'free' services, is on welfare etc., and so why shoud we care whether she can parent well? She should have given her kid up for adoption. She should never had had kids at all. She's probably on WIC and living in public housing, gettng food assistance is and buying beer or Honeycomb cereal with this aid. She even seems to be getting free dental care! She was probably in public school as a kid, so her parents didn't care about her education.

 

Why should any of us care about the likes of people like her? She could change her life around...:if she wanted to:. Since she refuses, somebody ought to call DSS. Let them find a 'nice' famiy for the child.

 

Yeah. Who in our society cares, right? :sad:

Edited May 15, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Mejane]

I remember Dr. Laura had a caller once that had intervened when some mom was hitting her dc and yelling at them in a department store. The woman who spoke to the mother about how she was treating her dc was physically assaulted by the lady. She grabbed her hair and started hitting her. No one did anything. The lady finally stopped and left w/her dc. At least that's how I remember the story. So you never know how the abuser is going to react. That's why I lean toward calling the police.

 

See, if that were me, that woman would be in jail. I have that power as an adult if someone assaults me. Kids are helpless. I don't think anyone, esp. an abuser, wants the police involved. A simple, "You are being abusive. If you don't change your tone, I will call the authorities," might suffice. The OP could also have said something to the dentist. As a medical professional, he is obligated to report abuse if he sees it.

[Rhonda in TX]

I was at a friend's house while her husband was upstairs yelling at the kids. It was awful. They were not being bad, but he was really letting them have it. My friend's mother was there. She looked at her daughter and said, "I can't believe you live this way." I got out of there as soon as I could. When I got home DH was asleep but I woke him up because I was so upset. It was awful! (They've been divorced for years now, but those poor kids are really messed up, as is she.)

[Tree House Academy]

Scary. OP has described children sitting quietly, yet being threatened with all manner of harm. I cannot imagine any "previous events" to justify this. I would bet that those children are scared stiff of their mother.

 

I would bet you are wrong. If they were scared of their mother, they would be behaving to her satisfaction. Her discipline is pathetic, because what she is doing is threatening them over and over and over, but she is not following through or really doing anything about their beahviors. Parents who do all that "threatening" usually do nothing to back it up and it doesn't take long for kids to take note of that!

[Peela]

The mother needs love too, even though she doesn't appear to deserve it.

The way I handle situations like that, especially when it doesnt feel appropriate to say nything, is to hold them all in love as much as I feel able. Its called metta...you send loving kindness towards people who press your buttons.

Not that I wouldnt be disturbed...but the mother needs to be reached, and punishment and judgement probably won't do the trick. How about asking if she would like you to mind her kids while she has her appointment?

Showing someone some kindness can make a difference. Even if it seems undeserved.

[MelanieM]

The mother needs love too, even though she doesn't appear to deserve it.

The way I handle situations like that, especially when it doesnt feel appropriate to say nything, is to hold them all in love as much as I feel able. Its called metta...you send loving kindness towards people who press your buttons.

Not that I wouldnt be disturbed...but the mother needs to be reached, and punishment and judgement probably won't do the trick. How about asking if she would like you to mind her kids while she has her appointment?

Showing someone some kindness can make a difference. Even if it seems undeserved.

 

YES! In fact, I've been reading this thread and thinking I will send love to those children and their parents while I drift off to sleep tonight. I would invite anyone else feeling raw from this conversation to add their own loving prayers as well. :grouphug:

[LibraryLover]

YES! In fact, I've been reading this thread and thinking I will send love to those children and their parents while I drift off to sleep tonight. I would invite anyone else feeling raw from this conversation to add their own loving prayers as well. :grouphug:

 

 

Exactly!! Thank you, and Peela.