Taking homeschooled children to adult 'hobby' meetings

[GoVanGogh]

I have been an active member of a 'hobby' club for 10 years, including volunteering for different board positions over the years.

I homeschool my 8-year-old son.

I do take him with me to our monthly meetings and the majority of the members know him - have known him since birth. Many have even asked when I was actually going to sign him up as a full-fledged member. (Hm. Maybe I should, then I wouldn't have this issue?) I take him to volunteer projects with me and - trust me - his labor is always much appreciated. I am very passionate about this hobby (obviously, since I have been a member so long) and now my son has an equal passion.

I have also taken him on a few of our shorter field trips, though never on any of our club's all-day outings.

Last year, our field trip coordinator started adding "No children allowed" on a few of the field trip articles. Fine. Those were the longer ones and I wouldn't have thought about taking my son. But the newsletter that just came out today had "No children allowed" on every single field trip, including the local ones to club member's properties. :glare:

Since I am the only club member that homeschools - or even has school aged children - I do assume she is directing that at me. Maybe I'm wrong? The deal is -- I am friends with the lady that is hosting the next field trip. I know for a fact that I could call her up and ask if I could bring my son and she would freak out that I even thought he wasn't welcomed!

Field trips are extremely informal - typically only lasting 30-45 minutes.

I feel like - I only have one child. It's not like I'm taking a dozen along with me. He's well-behaved, not running wild. What does it matter if he attends?

 

 

Would you say anything? Protest and take your child anyway? Let it slide? Drop out of the club? (Since our field trips are a highlight of club membership!)

[dansamy]

I would say something. If there's no changing it, I would find another club for my hobby.

[Impish]

Well...

(getting ready to duck tomatoes)

 

You *did* state that this is an 'adult hobby'. For many people, (especially moms) it means time away from their kids, to have adult interaction, conversation, etc. Having a child there would impact things.

 

I spend all my time with my kids. If I've made the effort to join an adult hobby group, the last thing I want to do is hang out with someone else's kid, no matter how adorable, helpful, or well behaved they are. I'd be looking forward to solely adult time.

 

 

ETA: It may be too that others have kids and are saying, "Well Jane's child is allowed..." so they're making it a blanket rule.

[Aggie]

It sounds like they may be preparing for other dc to start coming on field trips.

 

You, know..."Well, Suzanne brings her child, I'll bring my (rowdy) nephew."

 

We all know that not all dc are as nice, polite, and interested as ours are!:D

 

Another side of me wants to say that there may be a squeaky wheel who doesn't want any children on field trips, for whatever reason. I might call the field trip coordinator and find out what her intent is.

[hornblower]

I am an attachment parent, used to be a LLL leader etc. I really GET bringing your kids places.

 

But at the same time, as my kids are now older and I CAN leave them, I also GET wanting to be in a room with adults. It's not that the kids are necessarily disruptive; for me it's more that I can have certain conversations which I wouldn't if kids were there (& not just my kids, any kids).

 

So I wonder if that's it? Sometimes we get together for the ostensible purpose of a hobby or a task but what we really want to do is socialize & maybe talk about dh's or life or menopause or someone's divorce etc etc etc ie. 'women talk' & it's just not comfortable to have these conversations in front of someone's 8 yo child.....

 

So - no answer, but a perspective :)

[Julie in CA]

I would ask the field trip coordinator (privately and *non-defensively*) if there had been a problem with you bringing your child in the past. It would give them an opening to discuss the situation with you. I would not protest. I would not discuss it with other members. If the field trip coordinator re-states that they would prefer children not to attend, I'd smile and say ok. Then I'd start looking for another group that would be better suited for family attendance.

[yvonne]

You've been there so long and have established friendships. Could you just call the field trip coordinator and ask her if something's changed or if someone's raised any concerns about having children attend? It could be there's some other issue they're trying to deal with that has nothing to do with your child? Maybe they'd be fine with your child attending, but don't want to open everything to children as a rule?

[kalanamak]

 

You *did* state that this is an 'adult hobby'. For many people, (especially moms) it means time away from their kids

 

the OP said no one else had school aged children.

 

Sounds like you have a stick in the mud in the group. I'd ask the field trip coordinator what was up. Since you've been a valued member and your kiddo has helped out, they may miss you....

[Impish]

the OP said no one else had school aged children.

 

Sounds like you have a stick in the mud in the group. I'd ask the field trip coordinator what was up. Since you've been a valued member and your kiddo has helped out, they may miss you....

School aged. Not that they don't have any at all.

 

I can see someone getting frustrated with a child in the midst, especially if they've gone to the trouble of finding a sitter...Or simply looking for a time without children.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I like my kid-free time.

 

Honestly? I probably would have been one of the people trying to get a policy put in place so that there would be a blanket NO KIDS rule.

 

As other pp's have said, there are conversations you can't have with kids around and I LIKE MY ADULT TIME!!

[GoVanGogh]

Thank you so much for the feedback.

 

I do understand many wanting "kid-free" time, which is why I have wondered about taking my son to meetings and volunteer projects all along. But when I show up w/o him, I seriously get more than a dozen ladies asking where he is and why I didn't bring him. I do try to be very careful about interacting w/others so no one is put out by his presence.

When I joined this club, we had around 80 members. We now have around 120 members. Attendance at meetings averages 100 - members and guests. When I go to meetings, I sit off to the side with my son, so we don't interfere with conversations. I chit chat with people as we enter, then find a corner to sit in. :tongue_smilie: Likewise, when I take him on field trips, we don't mingle much unless someone approaches us.

 

When I say 'adult' - it isn't like it is 'adult only' more that - well, most children are in school during meeting time so they wouldn't be able to attend. Likewise, since we meet during the day, most young working parents couldn't attend. I would estimate that 75% of the club are retired or older females. We have a few men club members (all retirees but two) and the remaining club members are middle age females. Glancing through our directory, I would say I am on the 'young' side at 43 years of age.

 

I'm thinking maybe it is time to move on, but I hate to as I love this club. And I just received approval earlier today from another board member to go through special training with my son so we can lead tours for the public at our big project site. :tongue_smilie:

 

Thanks again! I really appreciate how others think about things like this.

[Julie in CA]

Well, I just think you really need to ask and find out the "why?".

Another thing would be to ask if a few activities could be designated as appropriate for family attendance. It sounds like you are a very active and valued member. Perhaps you could be the one to begin a branch within the club, especially for kids/families?

[helena]

As someone taking an adult class or activity, I would prefer to not have kids there. But if there was a child at the "meeting" I would have fun and enjoy their company.

I taught beading classes for years and I never minded when a kid tagged along, that said if another student had a problem with it I wouldn't hesitate to ask the mom not to bring their child the next time.

 

I would definitely ask about it before quitting, it may work out easily with a conversation.

Edited April 10, 2010 by helena

[tex-mex]

Well...

(getting ready to duck tomatoes)

 

You *did* state that this is an 'adult hobby'. For many people, (especially moms) it means time away from their kids, to have adult interaction, conversation, etc. Having a child there would impact things.

 

I spend all my time with my kids. If I've made the effort to join an adult hobby group, the last thing I want to do is hang out with someone else's kid, no matter how adorable, helpful, or well behaved they are. I'd be looking forward to solely adult time.

 

 

ETA: It may be too that others have kids and are saying, "Well Jane's child is allowed..." so they're making it a blanket rule.

:iagree: Could be that members are unhappy and this "rule" was put in place? I'd find another group.

[kalanamak]

:iagree: Could be that members are unhappy and this "rule" was put in place? I'd find another group.

 

Could be one squeaky wheel frequently squeaking in the ear of the coordinator. I'd ask before leaving (and I'm even shy about things like this).

 

Let me guess...is it a gardening club??

[GoVanGogh]

Let me guess...is it a gardening club??

Yes, it is...

And the ironic thing is -- over half of our service projects are child-related. You know, attracting the next generation of gardeners and all that jazz. :glare: If you don't want to be around kids, you probably wouldn't pick our club. There are plenty of other clubs in the area that don't actively go out into the community and encourage youngsters like we do.

And - on that front - there are three clubs that I know of that actually encourage child members - just they meet in the evening, are a longer drive and are more 'topic' specific.

I have been so excited about this upcoming training/docent opportunity that this really threw me for a loop today! I really can't justify staying in the club if my son isn't able to attend half of the meetings. (Yes, I could find a babysitter. But I count the meetings as part of his botany lessons.)

[kalanamak]

Yes, it is...

And the ironic thing is -- over half of our service projects are child-related.

 

I love gardeners in general, but there is one here and there that gardens because they are misanthropes. I wouldn't be surprised if there was one Scrooge in the bunch bringing this all on.

[GoVanGogh]

I love gardeners in general, but there is one here and there that gardens because they are misanthropes. I wouldn't be surprised if there was one Scrooge in the bunch bringing this all on.

Yeah.

In the past year, two members (both former public school teachers) have made snarky comments to me about homeschooling. I have just shrugged off their comments. But both are now on the board (and I'm not this year) so it really wouldn't surprise me if they said something. I'm trying not to think negative of them, but just find it so odd that my son has always been so welcomed and now -- :confused: -- not.

 

Yet, I do totally get mothers wanting to get out w/o any children. (I am certainly that way at times.) Guess I tend to think that the club is so large that 1 child out of 100 people in a room - well, you don't have to come and sit in the corner with me (and my son) if you don't want to be around children.

[cathmom]

Yeah.

In the past year, two members (both former public school teachers) have made snarky comments to me about homeschooling. I have just shrugged off their comments. But both are now on the board (and I'm not this year) so it really wouldn't surprise me if they said something. I'm trying not to think negative of them, but just find it so odd that my son has always been so welcomed and now -- :confused: -- not.

 

Yet, I do totally get mothers wanting to get out w/o any children. (I am certainly that way at times.) Guess I tend to think that the club is so large that 1 child out of 100 people in a room - well, you don't have to come and sit in the corner with me (and my son) if you don't want to be around children.

 

I bet that's it. Bingo!

[Tap]

I would talk to the director. Ask what is up. If there is no age limit to the group, ask what he can do to be an official member.

[LibraryLover]

Gosh, I hate myself for agreeing. But why can't we ever have time without kids crawling everywhere that might not be babyproofed? Where are the fathers? The best friends? Beyond nursing babes (12 mos or so), my patience wanes.

 

I like my kid-free time.

 

Honestly? I probably would have been one of the people trying to get a policy put in place so that there would be a blanket NO KIDS rule.

 

As other pp's have said, there are conversations you can't have with kids around and I LIKE MY ADULT TIME!!

Edited April 10, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Anstar]

I would talk to the director. Ask what is up. If there is no age limit to the group, ask what he can do to be an official member.

 

:iagree:My favorite idea. I'm also leaning toward your former ps teacher board members as likely culprits. Which only makes me more inclined to say something, since that kind of thinking rubs me the wrong way... ;)

[Anstar]

Gosh, I hate myself for agreeing. But why can't we ever have time without kids? Where are the fathers? The best friends?

 

I agree too... I like my adult time as much as anybody. But if there are 100 people in the room, can the boy really be that burdensome? They already sit in the corner...

 

OP, is it only the trips that kids have been "uninvited" to? Do you carpool? Drive yourself? Take a group bus? Do you find yourselves in close quarters with a smaller group of members during these outings? That might be more of a disturbance to "adult time" than during the large meetings.

Or are refreshments served? Does the trip coordinator or the location have to do anything "extra" because he's along?

[GoVanGogh]

Do you carpool? Drive yourself? Take a group bus? Do you find yourselves in close quarters with a smaller group of members during these outings? That might be more of a disturbance to "adult time" than during the large meetings.

Or are refreshments served? Does the trip coordinator or the location have to do anything "extra" because he's along?

I drive myself or carpool with one particular friend, both of which are standard for our trips.

Refreshments are served, but - due to food allergies - I always take food for my son.

 

Re: Leaving my son w/my husband. In the past, my husband has stayed home with our son on meeting days. But then everyone would ask why I didn't bring him and tell me that he was welcomed! Now, my husband's company is in bankruptcy and he can't really take the time off.

[GoVanGogh]

 

OP, is it only the trips that kids have been "uninvited" to?

That I don't know! I'm trying to figure that out. :confused:

[OrganicAnn]

I would ask that they make at least one or two field trips where kids are allowed. I think they would be benefit from this in two ways.

 

1) they may get members now or in the future who are like you and want to bring a child with them.

 

2) it is a good way to develop future members.

 

I can't see the sense of making every single field trip adults only. Then adults to do not like kids or parents who want an adults only field trip and skips these kids welcomed trips. That would seem to be a good compromise. I don't see why it has to all one way.

Edited April 10, 2010 by OrganicAnn

[Jean in Newcastle]

If a group is geared toward a certain hobby, it should be open to members of all ages who participate in that hobby, in my opinion. I don't understand the "I want a kid free zone" comments in this context (though I do understand it in other contexts) because the point of a hobby group should be for pursuing the hobby more than for pursuing adult relationships. I would ask if there are age restrictions for membership and if not, I would sign him up. If anyone tried to exclude him from field trips I would point out that he was a due-paying member (if they have dues) and the "no children" rule should apply to non-member children.

[Hikin' Mama]

but Impish sums up my thoughts and opinions on this.

[LibraryLover]

If a group is geared toward a certain hobby, it should be open to members of all ages who participate in that hobby, in my opinion. I don't understand the "I want a kid free zone" comments in this context (though I do understand it in other contexts) because the point of a hobby group should be for pursuing the hobby more than for pursuing adult relationships. I would ask if there are age restrictions for membership and if not, I would sign him up. If anyone tried to exclude him from field trips I would point out that he was a due-paying member (if they have dues) and the "no children" rule should apply to non-member children.

 

 

I've often found myself in the position of care. I hate to see a sad babe, i hate to see a babe rubbing her eyes, done for the day. I hate to see a babe crawling over unbaby- proofed stuff. I tend to watch the babe, it's happiness, it's safety, and so become distracted. I have often found myself telling parents (mothers), "Oh no, go ahead, I'll hold her". lol Fool that I am. Care-er that I am. Hardly anyone ever says, "Oh no! Dont help me!"

 

But I know it's my own bleeding heart fault. :tongue_smilie: Even when I do not want to help, I help.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've often found myself in the position of care. I hate to see a sad babe, i hate to see a babe rubbing her eyes, done for the day. I hate to see a babe crawling over unbaby- proofed stuff. I tend to watch the babe, it's happiness, it's safety, and so become distracted. I have often found myself telling parents (mothers), "Oh no, go ahead, I'll hold her". lol Fool that I am. Care-er that I am. Hardly anyone ever says, "Oh no! Dont help me!"

 

But I know it's my own bleeding heart fault. :tongue_smilie: Even when I do not want to help, I help.

 

Yes, but a babe or a toddler or even most young elementary kids couldn't actively participate in most hobby groups. My point is that this child seems to be able to be an active participant. So in that case, he should be a member, not a tag-along. (I agree that I wouldn't care for young kids to be tagging along because like you, I end up being the babysitter.)

[OrganicAnn]

Quote: I've often found myself in the position of care. I hate to see a sad babe, i hate to see a babe rubbing her eyes, done for the day. I hate to see a babe crawling over unbaby- proofed stuff. I tend to watch the babe, it's happiness, it's safety, and so become distracted.

 

 

 

Yes but her son is 8, not a baby.

[Ravin]

I've often found myself in the position of care. I hate to see a sad babe, i hate to see a babe rubbing her eyes, done for the day. I hate to see a babe crawling over unbaby- proofed stuff. I tend to watch the babe, it's happiness, it's safety, and so become distracted. I have often found myself telling parents (mothers), "Oh no, go ahead, I'll hold her". lol Fool that I am. Care-er that I am. Hardly anyone ever says, "Oh no! Dont help me!"

 

But I know it's my own bleeding heart fault. :tongue_smilie: Even when I do not want to help, I help.

 

 

He's 8, and interested in the topic of the field trips and meetings. It's not like he's going to be crawling through someone's tomatoes uprooting plants or what have you.

 

I'd contact the director and ask what's up. I tend to worry and speculate that things are targeted at me in those sorts of situations, too, but direct communication is a lot more productive and, in the long run, less stressful.

[jujsky]

I'm sure your son is a wonderful boy & most of the ladies love him. That being said, you did state it was an adult hobby. While I love my kids, my friends' kids -- kids in general -- I also cherish those few, rare, adult-only hours I have. It is nice to talk about adult issues without worrying about little ears.

[LibraryLover]

I realize the OP is not talking about a baby. I was extrapolating my experiences.

 

However, I don't think children of 8 belong at programs geared towards adults, no matter how gifted etc they might be. I think it's better to petition for family activites.

 

From a practical point of view, given the pedophile warnings on the board today, how do you even know if all of the adults at these programs are safe?

Edited April 10, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Rosie_0801]

From a practical point of view, given the pedophile warnings on the board today, how do you even know if all of the adults at these programs are safe?

 

I don't think that is a very useful thought. We can't go through life without trusting anyone. We trust our husbands with our children even though some fathers molest their children.

 

I can't see how 1% of the population, seeing that the 1% is a contributing member who is missed if absent, can cause problems for anyone other than people who want to make him a problem.

 

Rosie

[Teachin'Mine]

I agree with the idea of asking if he could join as a member. It's most likely the two ps teachers on the board raising objections. Sounds to me like you've done a wonderful job passing along your love of gardening! Maybe he'll become the youngest master gardener in the group! :)

 

Maybe you can get back on the board next year and suggest a branch of the group to be involved in family activities. Maybe these could be one Saturday a month or so, and could involve the whole family. Just a thought. With something like this, the members who enjoy passing along their knowledge to children can get involved, and the others can stay home.

[emubird]

Is it possible someone had the thought that they might be legally responsible if something bad happened to the child attending the field trip? That might be the reason behind this.

 

I'm not suggesting that they would be responsible, but just the thought that they might be might cause them to put this restriction on.

[kalanamak]

I realize the OP is not talking about a baby. I was extrapolating my experiences.

 

However, I don't think children of 8 belong at programs geared towards adults, no matter how gifted etc they might be. I think it's better to petition for family activites.

 

 

Sounds like the field trips are garden tours, and it also sounds like everyone else is mature enough they wouldn't have children to bring along.

 

I went on many as a child, as my mother was gardening ga-ga. It did nothing but seat a love of gardening in my mind. Since my parents were quite old when I was born, and I was trailing my sibs by 6 years, they went about the things that people in their 50's and 60's did and I was a very well behaved tagalong.

 

But it was a simpler time then, and people were less crowded and crabby.

 

I remember I was once on an ocean liner, eating in the nice dining room with my parents, and I looked about and said "I'm the only child here". My mother said "In size only" (meaning I acted grown up). My mother had paid full fare (I cannot tell you how big a deal that would have been to my folks) to have me seated as an adult, so I could stay with the family. I was that well behaved 8 year old, and I'm so glad I wasn't booted out. (I also learned bridge around then and, paired with my father would bid away, "asking for aces" in a room full of grown-ups, who never complained.)

[GoVanGogh]

Since my parents were quite old when I was born, and I was trailing my sibs by 6 years, they went about the things that people in their 50's and 60's did and I was a very well behaved tagalong.

That's an interesting perspective. My DH and I would be considered "older" parents. We were married 15 years and well established before our child was born. I have continued on with many of my activities (like this club) as I did before he was born.

 

Is it possible someone had the thought that they might be legally responsible if something bad happened to the child attending the field trip?

Yes, I have wondered about the safety issue.

I know our club took out a liability insurance policy last year, after an elderly member fell during a field trip and broke her arm.

But - really - from a safety aspect - I would think an 8-year-old would be less likely to fall and sustain an injury than an 80-year-old.

 

I do have a call into the director to ask her about the new policy. Thank you for all your comments and input.

[Murphy101]

If a group is geared toward a certain hobby, it should be open to members of all ages who participate in that hobby, in my opinion. I don't understand the "I want a kid free zone" comments in this context (though I do understand it in other contexts) because the point of a hobby group should be for pursuing the hobby more than for pursuing adult relationships. I would ask if there are age restrictions for membership and if not, I would sign him up. If anyone tried to exclude him from field trips I would point out that he was a due-paying member (if they have dues) and the "no children" rule should apply to non-member children.

 

:iagree:

 

They are there for the hobby. Not a family party. Not a girls' night out. If the kid is old enough to participate, then he should be welcomed. Rocket clubs, astornomy clubs, electronics clubs all these "adult clubs" abound where I live without age restrictions. Yeah it's mostly adults, but most kick a real joy out of sharing their knowledge with a new generation and a lot is learned by everyone. Which is the actual point of the hobby club.

[LibraryLover]

I agree with you.

 

I don't think that is a very useful thought. We can't go through life without trusting anyone. We trust our husbands with our children even though some fathers molest their children.

 

I can't see how 1% of the population, seeing that the 1% is a contributing member who is missed if absent, can cause problems for anyone other than people who want to make him a problem.

 

Rosie

[Heather in Neverland]

Well, I don't know if it qualifies as a hobby club but I used to go to the Friday night crop at my local scrapbook store every week. We women would get together and work on our "hobby" and chat about all kinds of things. I lived for Friday night! :D Then one woman started bringing her pre-teen daughter (I think she was 11 or 12). This daughter loved scrapbooking and was quite good at it...but... Suddenly, everyone clammed up because no one wanted to have woman talk in front of a child. The nights became sort of a drag and several people stopped going or chose a different place that had a no-child rule.

 

Now every situation is different...but if there are 100 people in your meetings and you are the ONLY ONE bringing a child...well, honestly, I'm surprised this has never come up before. I would not give up a hobby I loved but I would consider finding or starting a KID'S gardening club and continue going to your club solo.

[Murphy101]

Well, I don't know if it qualifies as a hobby club but I used to go to the Friday night crop at my local scrapbook store every week. We women would get together and work on our "hobby" and chat about all kinds of things. I lived for Friday night! :D Then one woman started bringing her pre-teen daughter (I think she was 11 or 12). This daughter loved scrapbooking and was quite good at it...but... Suddenly, everyone clammed up because no one wanted to have woman talk in front of a child. The nights became sort of a drag and several people stopped going or chose a different place that had a no-child rule.

 

Now every situation is different...but if there are 100 people in your meetings and you are the ONLY ONE bringing a child...well, honestly, I'm surprised this has never come up before. I would not give up a hobby I loved but I would consider finding or starting a KID'S gardening club and continue going to your club solo.

 

If the lady had been coming before, then she knew how the group dynamics were when she brought her dd. I'd have kept on as thought the 12 year old wasn't there thinking that if she wanted to bring a kid to an adult function, she is prepared for adult conversation.

 

I am slowly learning to HATE kids only clubs and activities. It's a huge hassle and expense with little reward most of the time.

[MelanieM]

Is there time for question and answer at the meetings? If so, I would pose this question to the director in front of the group. (Perhaps don't bring your son to that meeting.) Simply state that you noticed that all of the upcoming field trips are going to be child-free, and that you would like to know if the group is going adult only. It's a valid conversation for the group to have, and it doesn't have to be personal. And this way, the board will get to hear the opinions of all its' membership, which is much more useful than them making up rules around the boardroom table based on one or two comments (or members).

[Dobela]

I love my kids, really. I really like most other people's kids. But there is one club I belong to. Just one. It is my only time without my children or any other children all week long. I love just being able to relax, talk about my marriage, my body, menu plans, crazy college stunts, or whatever else comes up. I don't miss this unless a child is super sick or I am out of town. I absolutely positively do not want anyone else's children there at any point unless they are tiny infants in baby carriers-not yet crawling or walking.

 

This group meets weekly and just recently one of the other moms signed her son up for a scout group that meets a block away, at the same time we meet. Even that has changed the group dynamics because once the scout meeting is over, he comes to find his mom, and once he does he just sits in the middle of the conversations, quietly yes, but still there. Where we used to relax until we were ready to leave (sometimes staying for up to 4 or 5 hours), most people are now leaving as soon as this child appears (about 2 hours after our group gathers). Last week a new mom was telling us about her at home, water birth with only her dh assisting when the child showed up early - he was bored at scouts and left before he was supposed to leave. :glare: The group size is diminishing, and I may be the next to go if he continues to be a silent member.

 

OP, I think you need to ask about your son attending. Maybe he can attend some activities (like the one being hosted by a friend) but not every activity. 8 is that precious age where a child is old enough to start 'getting it' with adult talk, but not really understand it fully.

[Murphy101]

I love my kids, really. I really like most other people's kids. But there is one club I belong to. Just one. It is my only time without my children or any other children all week long. I love just being able to relax, talk about my marriage, my body, menu plans, crazy college stunts, or whatever else comes up. I don't miss this unless a child is super sick or I am out of town. I absolutely positively do not want anyone else's children there at any point unless they are tiny infants in baby carriers-not yet crawling or walking.

 

This group meets weekly and just recently one of the other moms signed her son up for a scout group that meets a block away, at the same time we meet. Even that has changed the group dynamics because once the scout meeting is over, he comes to find his mom, and once he does he just sits in the middle of the conversations, quietly yes, but still there. Where we used to relax until we were ready to leave (sometimes staying for up to 4 or 5 hours), most people are now leaving as soon as this child appears (about 2 hours after our group gathers). Last week a new mom was telling us about her at home, water birth with only her dh assisting when the child showed up early - he was bored at scouts and left before he was supposed to leave. :glare: The group size is diminishing, and I may be the next to go if he continues to be a silent member.

 

OP, I think you need to ask about your son attending. Maybe he can attend some activities (like the one being hosted by a friend) but not every activity. 8 is that precious age where a child is old enough to start 'getting it' with adult talk, but not really understand it fully.

 

Okay. First question - is the purpose of the club to talk about these things? Say an older moms club?

 

Personally, I wouldn't care if my 8 year old heard about a home birth. Where babies come from is not much of a secret around here.

 

I don't know. It sounds to me like yet another group where the "hobby" or purpose of the club really has nothing to do with the club.

 

Maybe you could call the others that you particuliarly connect with and make a coffee date for outside club to chit chat over life?

 

oh! Or better yet - since she is doing this because it's so close to scouts - can you change the meeting location to much further away?

 

BUT and this is the biggest difference between your situation and the OP. This boy isn't actually involved.

 

I think anyone who isn't involved should stay home.

I think those who are should be welcome regardless of age.

[Sputterduck]

Gosh, I hate myself for agreeing. But why can't we ever have time without kids crawling everywhere that might not be babyproofed? Where are the fathers? The best friends? Beyond nursing babes (12 mos or so), my patience wanes.

 

 

Not everyone has the father around to help. Not everyone lives around their best friend. I certainly don't.

[Murphy101]

Not everyone has the father around to help. Not everyone lives around their best friend. I certainly don't.

 

:iagree: And don't even get me started on people who think I shoudl dumb my younger kids on my olders to babysit all the time.:glare:

[dangermom]

I'm going to go all John Taylor Gatto on this one. It doesn't sound like people in the club are finding their precious adult chatting time impinged on, since they are mostly older folks. In fact, they mostly enjoy having the child around, miss him when he's not there, and the point of the club is to encourage young gardeners. I cannot see any reason for a responsible child to be un-invited and think it's a great opportunity for adults to share and the kid to learn.

 

I'm very curious to find out how the call to the director turns out.

[LibraryLover]

Not everyone has the father around to help. Not everyone lives around their best friend. I certainly don't.

 

 

I know. It's true many people don't have anyone.

 

I am one who loves other people's children. I really do. I think children should be respected. I don't like to separate adults and young people all of the time. I think group activities of mixed ages are fantastic...love them, attend them all the time. But even my radical arse self likes to have activities without children sometimes, and sometimes I do attend events where I'd rather not worry about kids.

 

:shrug:

Edited April 10, 2010 by LibraryLover