Do you ever feel like a homeschooling outsider?

[Rebecca]

Just wanted to chime in...

 

I think I am "more" what ladies in this thread deem "typical" but I don't fit in either!

 

I prefer to wear skirts.

I never wear jeans.

Sadly, skinny is not a term to define me right now. In fact, I have never been a skinny girl- but I still need to lose a load of baby weight from number 6.

I prefer rigorous home school and am no where near unschooling.

I am a deep thinker and idealist and like to ponder how to get my life to where I think/feel it should be.

I like to be around really strong, deep Christians who are serious about raising their kids for God.

My husband and I almost never watch R-rated movies. We like to be together as a family and we don't like separating our kids off into all different, separate functions.

I live in a small town- but came from a major metropolitan area. I have a four year degree from a private university.

 

I really don't fit in either! Really.

 

Rebecca (mom of 6 ages 9-1)

[secular_mom]

I'm banging my head as I relate to what she says. I have one friend in particular that has two girls my girl's ages. We do monthly play dates, and I also see her 2 nights per week at synchro swim and at our homeschool group. Sometimes I dread the play dates because I get tired of hearing how perfect her children are all the time. It saddens me, too, because the oldest daughter is on herbs to calm her nerves, because her mother pushed her SO HARD in the past that now she has a break down if she's not perfect. It breaks my heart.

That is sad. :( Maybe you could just ingest some herbs too, when you know you'll be around them. ;)

[Cricket]

If nothing else, this board has taught me that there is no such thing as a typical homeschooling mom! :D

[secular_mom]

It's so hard to find heels in size men's 11. Does anyone have any ideas?

 

You have to shop at the drag-queen stores, they have all sizes and in the right widths too. ;)

[Jenny in Atl]

Another lonely, does not fit into any group, homeschooling mom here...

 

Ever since my small hs group fell apart, about four years ago, I've felt pretty alone in the hs'ing world. We're not un-schoolers nor religious, so that just about eliminates most all groups in our area. My oldest is hopefully getting into a charter performing arts high school next year, so I will have a foot in both worlds; yet another reason I will be persona non grata.

 

You're not alone...

[nd293]

The hardest part is my children. My girls have some friends from a local homeschooling group (I am not active in it). I can see issues arising over religion irregardless of how much I try to avoid it.

 

Yes. I am always reluctant to encourage my dd to initiate homeschool friendships, because I know somewhere out there is a disaster waiting to happen. Her favourite homeschooling friend is Christian, and and I feel it necessary to occasionally remind dd to stay far, far away from religious topics. Dd has recently made friends with a girl at a homeschooling group she attends without me, and I haven't been able to suss out the family yet. It makes me nervous. Well, we had a meeting about putting on a play by the group, so at least I can say with certainty (and great relief) that she's not one of the mothers who objects on religious grounds to Peter Pan or The Wizard of Oz. :001_huh:

[Elisheva]

Any secular, Eastern philosophy studying guys out there who have some experiences to share...not too many I bet? Any other ideas on group development? Oh yeah, and I'm leaning toward an eclectic unschooling paradigm...whatever that means.

 

Not a guy, and not really secular (Jewish), but Eastern philosophy is HUGE to me. I'm new to this (DD is 3) so I don't really know how I'm going to handle it. I have a global understanding of what "classical" means and the Western tradition emphasizes certain aspects of reality to the dangerous neglect of others. I get really uncomfortable when people act like the Western tradition(s), religious or secular, are the be it and end all. OTOH, Western rationality is a powerful, essential tool and I'm not too sure at what point Eastern concepts of non-duality, etc. become developmentally appropriate.

 

That stuff about permission from husbands is scary. I don't have a problem with people's individual arrangements but I don't think I would be comfortable immersing DD in a social environment where that was standard.

[StartingOver]

I don't fit the norm, never have. I am a secular, earth centered, pagan, undefined something. LOL I tread lightly, help those I can, and really don't give a flying fig what others think. I am also a 2nd time around mom. I have 3 adult children, and 2 little ones. I believe in better early than late.

 

I have found one true homeschool friend in 21 year of homeschooling.

[smrtmama]

Can I mention again how lucky, lucky, lucky-ducky I am to have patchfire as my very own local homeschooling BFF?

[patchfire]

Can I mention again how lucky, lucky, lucky-ducky I am to have patchfire as my very own local homeschooling BFF?

 

I was just going to say that I am going to cling to you ever tighter after reading this thread!

[smrtmama]

I was just going to say that I am going to cling to you ever tighter after reading this thread!

 

 

Our wo-mance will be the homeschooling story of the ages.

[Orthodox6]

Don't fit in at all with other homeschoolers in our specific location. Never have. Used to feel hurt by the blatant (and absurd) discrimination. Don't worry about it any more. Just teach my remaining child (the others have been graduated) in complete isolation. We are blessed with good friends through other channels. My homeschooling friends are Internet relationships, plus one friend who lives in another town.

[Guest Katia]

Don't fit in at all with other homeschoolers in our specific location. Never have. Used to feel hurt by the blatant (and absurd) discrimination. Don't worry about it any more. Just teach my remaining child (the others have been graduated) in complete isolation. We are blessed with good friends through other channels. My homeschooling friends are Internet relationships, plus one friend who lives in another town.

 

I could have written this. We are leading parallel lives, you and I. Hello, my cyber-twin. :D

[Peela]

Most homeschoolers where I live are Christian, and many are fundamentalist. We are not either. When a co-op situation we joined and were enjoying for a couple of years allowed a group of several women in who would pray in the kitchen and continually talk about their religion in regards to everything....I left the group with my kids, because it had become too extreme for us. We stopped socialising with a lot of homeschoolers- even though we are still friends with many, including many Christians, and the kids organise specific play dates and go to each others' birthday parties. And we do go to a homeschool science class run by a Christian man, but he tries- sometimes not very successfully- to keep religion out of it.

Scouts has been our saviour in terms of socialising- as well as a group of boys in our street for ds. Dd15 is very involved and socialises with a small group of homeschooling girls she has been friends with for years- 2 of whom are also in her Scout group- as well as Scouts from all over our city that she has met at various camps and activities. Scouts here is for both boys and girls together, and she is in the 14-17 year old section called Venturers. She sails a lot because they are a water group- we live near a large river.

I woulndt like to let go of our homeschooling connections altogether- we have some good ones and the girls are all really lovely- but it has been a relief to let go of dependency on organised homeschooling groups that are dominated by people we would not associate with normally.

[gaillardia]

Friends? We were supposed to have friends? :lol:

Where we lived before, one of our kids had lots of friends, all public school kids. They were good kids. The rest of us...well...I had friends, a couple few were close but their children and mine weren't same ages or same interests. My children are accepted here (tx) and all but the afore mentioned kid now each have one or two semi-close friends. For the most part, we have never fit "in." Then I realized there are a lot of people who don't fit in which means possibly we fit in with them. Perhaps we are not "groupies."

As for homeschooling groups, it is hard when there is a specified "thing" you have to have in common to be in the group, and I think we all know to what I am referring.

I'm friendly but I won't shove my religion down anyone's throat;TEHO.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

There are all kinds of ways that our family doesn't fit with averages. We are strong Christians, but have no issue with wide reading. We are probably closest to being evangelical, but love certain aspects of Catholicism. We have spent almost five years living overseas on two different continents and have visited dozens of other countries.

We are military, so when we move somewhere, we know that we will probably only be there for a few years. We either make friends quickly or do without.

At least two of our kids are gifted in academics. But they don't have years of experience in team sports.

I often feel out of place because I don't care if my bag is Coach or JanSport. I pick shoes for comfort. I stopped wearing makeup when I was a Naval Officer working in 126 degree boiler rooms.

 

So there are lots of ways that I could find discord with others around me. But I choose to treat people as individuals of value, rather than trying to pigeon hole them. I will find some close friends among homeschoolers, others in scouting, others in church, at the gym or in military support groups. And there will be folks in all of those groups that I never really click with.

 

I won't look down on your skinny jeans or high heels, even if I don't quite get the draw. But I'd appreciate not being dismissed as a stereotype or less worthy of friendship because I choose comfy jeans and and warm fuzzy socks instead.

[ciyates]

I read that post and instantly an image of a flatbread (a pita) flashed into my mind. I have no idea what that abbreviation means. If it means what was suggested, that is very sad to read as a descriptor for ones children.

 

:D I thought it was something British or Aussie that I didn't get!

[wahmbrenda]

I definitely don't fit in with the co-op we go to. My daughter enjoys so we go though. Here's me:

Presbyterian

I work from home and have a maid

I wear nothing but dresses with leg warmers and hand warmers and comfortable shoes (I've got to be comfortable as I have bad fibromyalgia so I'm always in pain LOL)

Single

1 kid

 

Here's them:

Pentecostals

Stay at home moms - they even wear the look if you know what I mean LOL

Married

More than 1 kid

 

Heck, even the way we choose to homeschool our children differs. My daughter is extremely hands on and self led while they all use set curriculum. Oh well, I do what it takes to make my daughter's education a happy 1.

[Daisy]

Hmm. I'm trying to think this one through. I get along fine with the other homeschoolers I know. But I don't know any hsers who have to ask their husbands for permission.

 

I think that most of the hsers I know are Christian, so I suppose anyone who isn't would feel left out. However, even with our Christianity as a common denominator, there are still lots of variations among us.

 

Some of the hsers I know do dress pretty granola-y. Some dress really sloppy. Some dress neat and tidy, but are really outdated (mom-jeans). Some dress really cute. (I try to dress cute! I wear my skinny jeans every day, but not with heels. I wear them with boots. And I always wear a little makeup and jewelry.)

 

Some of us like 80's music (I don't, unless you count a few hair bands) and some listen to Christian music (which I find really boring, even though I'm Christian) and some like...well, everyone likes a bit of everything else.

 

Some don't have a problem with Harry Potter, some do. Some are unschoolers, some are WTMers, some are cyber-schoolers.

 

Some of the hsers I know are smart as a whip, and some aren't. Some have great sense of humor (which just means that they match MY sense of humor :D), and some are soooo serious all the time.

 

In my mind, homeschooers are just people. But I guess the hsers around here don't all fit into the same mold. I feel sorry for people who only seem to have one type of homeschoolers around them. I've got an assortment to choose from!

 

:iagree: The only time it gets uncomfortable is when folks start thinking they are the only "type" of homeschooler out there. I usually roll my eyes and head home early when that conversation begins.

[LibraryLover]

I can say I'll highly discourage my children from the homeschooling sports teams in our area. I just hope the Crusaders basketball team never plays the Jihadists. That could get ugly.

 

:lurk5:Are you kidding...are you really a hsing Dad...a real live one? Because if you aren't, and are just taking me for a ride, I am going to be very disappointed.

[G5052]

So there are lots of ways that I could find discord with others around me. But I choose to treat people as individuals of value, rather than trying to pigeon hole them. I will find some close friends among homeschoolers, others in scouting, others in church, at the gym or in military support groups. And there will be folks in all of those groups that I never really click with.

 

I won't look down on your skinny jeans or high heels, even if I don't quite get the draw. But I'd appreciate not being dismissed as a stereotype or less worthy of friendship because I choose comfy jeans and and warm fuzzy socks instead.

 

Frankly I'm glad to be friendly with anyone who is kind-hearted and respectful of our choices. My best long-term friend never homeschooled, and is eagerly looking forward the her daughter adopting a family group soon. I have Mennonite friends that I tease with over our differing views of dress, hair, and non-resistence. And of course I'm odd too in some homeschooling circles, but it really doesn't matter. Good people are good people.

[LibraryLover]

Oh, to answer the question...I just feel like me. Some of my kids are hs'd, some are schooled , I have some great friends, some who hs, and some who don't, a partner who makes me laugh, a supportive mother, and plans for an evening gambling crusie in FL in the next few weeks with some friends. ;) Sunshine always makes me happy. I don't ever feel like any kind of outsider. I just feel like moi. :auto: It's entirely possible I am something, but just don't know it. ;) I am not peer-dependant.

Edited February 20, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Desert Rat]

I gave up on homeschool groups in my area. I just don't have the energy to put on airs and deal with flakey folk. But, I have cobbled together a nice group of other homeschoolers who we meet up with sometimes.

My oldest doesn't deal well with large groups of kids. It overwhelms him. I'm the same way with moms. It seems in our area, the hs groups are well established by a core group and outsiders have a hard time joining. Just my observation. Plus, the groups start our all inclusive but begin adding Bible studies and religious programs and we're a secular family.

My boys don't have a lot of close friends, but the do have friends. Good enough for me. :o

[LibraryLover]

Kalah, if there is another child in your future, boy or girl, you should consider the name Finn. :001_smile:

[swellmomma]

I don't exactly fit the homeschool mom mold either, but it has not held me back from meeting some great people who do. I don't wear skinny jeans (yikes that is a scary thought given my current size), rarely wear my heels now, because I would likely break my neck on the ice, and seldom wear make-up due to skin issues. My hair style has been pretty much the same for the last 15 years, a ponytail.

 

But I am an outsider in different ways. I am a single parent, and not only that, but I was the one that left my husband, AND kept having kids after we were separated. I don't work and since I am a single parent have very little money. I have enough to support us etc, but compared to most in the homeschooling circles I know we can not do the same outtings as everyone else etc.

 

I let my kids play video games, buy pellet guns, watch PG13 and R rated movies(depends on why it is rated that way), eat fast food more than is healthy, let the kids walk to library alone, or hang out with their friends without me hovering. We chose my dd's cheerleading over church this year though we are still Christians. Oh yes, and my life is completely insane as those here can attest to ;) Not only do I drive everywhere and anywhere on my own(including days that involve 12 hours of driving), I also undertake my own home repair, plan cross country moves(though it now doesn't need to actually happen), and everything else that is typically done by only the male or mainly the male in a relationship. (And my mother freaks out everytime :D )

 

I have several people that I have known in various homeschooling circles that I can chat with and get along with at the various functions but no one that I really get together with outside of that time because my life is so different from their's. Heck even curric does not usually get discussed because the vast majority of them in this area are unschoolers and I very much am not.

 

Even if as a whole you are an outsider it is still possible to create at least "working" relationships with other homeschoolers and find some sort of common ground that helps you network etc. I don't change who I am but I make an effort to find a middle ground somewhere, even if all it is, is that our daughter's are the same age kwim.

[dangermom]

Personally I think most people feel like outsiders often...

 

I think this is true, perhaps especially of women. It seems to me that most of the women I know (online and IRL) will say at some point that they are the outsiders wherever they are. I've decided that we all need each other's strengths, so it's just as well. :001_smile:

[Stacie]

There are all kinds of ways that our family doesn't fit with averages. We are strong Christians, but have no issue with wide reading. We are probably closest to being evangelical, but love certain aspects of Catholicism. We have spent almost five years living overseas on two different continents and have visited dozens of other countries.

We are military, so when we move somewhere, we know that we will probably only be there for a few years. We either make friends quickly or do without.

At least two of our kids are gifted in academics. But they don't have years of experience in team sports.

I often feel out of place because I don't care if my bag is Coach or JanSport. I pick shoes for comfort. I stopped wearing makeup when I was a Naval Officer working in 126 degree boiler rooms.

 

So there are lots of ways that I could find discord with others around me. But I choose to treat people as individuals of value, rather than trying to pigeon hole them. I will find some close friends among homeschoolers, others in scouting, others in church, at the gym or in military support groups. And there will be folks in all of those groups that I never really click with.

 

I won't look down on your skinny jeans or high heels, even if I don't quite get the draw. But I'd appreciate not being dismissed as a stereotype or less worthy of friendship because I choose comfy jeans and and warm fuzzy socks instead.

 

I think you've misread my post. I was not looking down on anyone's choices, nor was I stereotyping others. I was opening a discussion on the fact that there IS a stereotype, at least for some people, and I don't fit in it. I was asking if I was the only one feeling like that at the moment, and used a few examples of my lifestyle to further explain why I feel that way.

 

And quite the contrary to your statement, I do not dismiss anyone as less worthy of friendship based on their appearance. In fact I stated I'm trying to find more in common with these ladies so I may establish a common ground. Please don't read more into my post. :confused: It's been a fun thread for me to follow, and has had some interesting twists along the way!

[KidsHappen]

I feel like an everything outsider but I don't much mind. :001_smile:

[asta]

I can say I'll highly discourage my children from the homeschooling sports teams in our area. I just hope the Crusaders basketball team never plays the Jihadists. That could get ugly.

 

I would move to Montana just to be your friend. LOL

 

 

a

[asta]

 

I wish we had more diversity in our area, but unfortunately, it's a wonderbread world around here.

 

Oh, yes.

 

In many more places than just where you live.

 

 

a

[asta]

It's so hard to find heels in size men's 11. Does anyone have any ideas?

 

All the best ones are in the Florida Keys, but sometimes you can find them at Frederick's...

 

:leaving:

 

 

a

[asta]

Can I mention again how lucky, lucky, lucky-ducky I am to have patchfire as my very own local homeschooling BFF?

 

OK, that's IT! I *knew* I should have looked you up when I was in your neck of the woods a couple of weeks ago.... TWO real people - TWO!

 

Dang.

 

 

a

[eaglei]

I feel like an everything outsider but I don't much mind. :001_smile:

 

Me, too.:001_smile:

[runamuk]

I feel like an everything outsider but I don't much mind. :001_smile:

 

Me, too.

 

Sometimes I wish I had some hsing friends to hang out with, but the homeschoolers I've met here are Christian fundamentalists that run the other way when the learn I'm not.

[Karenciavo]

Me, too.

 

Sometimes I wish I had some hsing friends to hang out with, but the homeschoolers I've met here are Christian fundamentalists that run the other way when the learn I'm not.

 

In NJ the Christian Fundamentalists don't run the other way, however we are ninjas.

[Jenny in Atl]

OK, that's IT! I *knew* I should have looked you up when I was in your neck of the woods a couple of weeks ago.... TWO real people - TWO!

 

Dang.

 

 

a

 

Shoot, I think they're in my neck of the woods, and I have somehow not found them. Maybe I need to crawl out of my cave more often. :D

 

Park day anyone? :auto:

[Just Me]

I took my kids and a couple of their friends to a homeschool cooking class last week. My dd told me later that her friend told her, when I got there to pick them up, "your mom doesn't look like a homeschooling mom". I found that so funny! I asked dd what she meant, and she said, "you know...you had make-up on, you hair was fixed, and you were dressed nice" Not that I look like that most days when I am teaching at home with nowhere to go!! :-)

 

But now that I think about it, a lot of my homeschooling friends 'look' like me. They dress fashionably, do their hair and (mostly all) make-up. We enjoy a day at the spa every now and then, and I have my nails done every other week.

 

I also like all kinds of music (except country - blech), am a Conservative Christian, and I don't wear heels only because I am almost 6 feet tall and my dh is 3 inches shorter than me. On the other hand, I love going hiking, own three dogs, and dream of living on a farm. I think we are all so different, and that is so cool!!

 

I typed all this out to say - give the other ladies a chance. They may grow on you! But if they don't, move on. :auto: <- That's you in your little red car! :-)

[Julie_Julie]

My girlfriends and I try to bust the 'homeschooling martyr mom' image all the time! We tease about changing the face of homeschooling.

 

I appreciate and have friends that let their hair go grey, wear no makeup, etc.. I only ask that they don't judge me for my highlights and red nails as I don't pre-judge them for their denim skirts. :001_smile:

 

There's room enough in homeschooling for everyone!

 

From a Diva ~ :auto:

[smrtmama]

Shoot, I think they're in my neck of the woods, and I have somehow not found them. Maybe I need to crawl out of my cave more often. :D

 

Park day anyone? :auto:

 

I'm up in Cobb (as it patchfire). We have lovely parks, you know.

[patchfire]

Shoot, I think they're in my neck of the woods, and I have somehow not found them. Maybe I need to crawl out of my cave more often. :D

 

Park day anyone? :auto:

 

Lol, I like my cave sometimes, too. I'm pretty sure we have mutual acquaintances!

 

But yes, now that the sun has returned to the sky, we can stop hibernating!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think you've misread my post. I was not looking down on anyone's choices, nor was I stereotyping others. I was opening a discussion on the fact that there IS a stereotype, at least for some people, and I don't fit in it. I was asking if I was the only one feeling like that at the moment, and used a few examples of my lifestyle to further explain why I feel that way.

 

And quite the contrary to your statement, I do not dismiss anyone as less worthy of friendship based on their appearance. In fact I stated I'm trying to find more in common with these ladies so I may establish a common ground. Please don't read more into my post. :confused: It's been a fun thread for me to follow, and has had some interesting twists along the way!

 

Stacie,

 

I was responding more to the tone of some of the responses than to your OP.

 

Some of the responses to your post seemed (to my reading at least) to come pretty close to dismissing homeschoolers who were more conservative.

 

My point was merely that I don't want to be dismissed as cookie cutter or wonderbread because I DON'T follow fashion trends, watch tv or go to most movies.

 

I personnally wouldn't make mutch of my judgement of you based on your shoes or jeans. (Although I am an education policy and curriculum junkie so I would likely talk your arm off about curriculum and websites.)

[Parrothead]

I'm another that does not fit the stereotype. We are Catholic (which is a Christian religion although the local fundamentalists don't see it that way) homeschoolers using a secular curriculum. I bake my own bread, but buy canned beans. I wear make-up and a couple of times week I will change out of my jeans into a skirt.

 

For those and many other reasons, I have no friends in the homeschooling group. But I think a lot of the people I know that don't homeschool think I must be a stereotypical homeschooler and do not call or visit.

[Moniksca]

I gave up on homeschool groups in my area. I just don't have the energy to put on airs and deal with flakey folk. But, I have cobbled together a nice group of other homeschoolers who we meet up with sometimes.

My oldest doesn't deal well with large groups of kids. It overwhelms him. I'm the same way with moms. It seems in our area, the hs groups are well established by a core group and outsiders have a hard time joining. Just my observation. Plus, the groups start our all inclusive but begin adding Bible studies and religious programs and we're a secular family.

My boys don't have a lot of close friends, but the do have friends. Good enough for me. :o

 

This is my oldest as well and the hs group in our area. So I'm not alone, how wonderful. I have one family who we meet up with every month or so since our boys play really well together but no one else was interested in doing so from our summer play group, oh well.

[Lovedtodeath]

Everyone around here is more like you and I am the odd one out because I like discussing curriculum and books. lol

[Hikin' Mama]

Yep. I have one close friend that homeschools; my others moved away. My other close friends all are public or private school moms. I wouldn't trade them for anything.

[mammaruss]

I feel like an everything outsider but I don't much mind. :001_smile:

 

:iagree: My dh always teases me that I am in my own little world...which is exactly how I like it--less drama that way!;)

[HollyDay]

I've not read the other 9 pages of posts, but I will.

 

I just want to encourage the original poster not to try to conform just to be accepted into a certain "crowd". I tried that locally. I learned to knit and crochet - did not like it - but I learned. I subscribed to a conservative homeschool magazine, that everyone read, just so we could have something to talk about. But, it wasn't me. And I still didn't fit in.

 

I wear jeans -definitely not skinny. I get my hair done. I listen to Bon Jovi and Ricky Martin, and other music the local ladies would find not to their liking. I am just a square peg among round pegs. But, I won't always live here. There will be other areas with other people.

[mirth]

I don't even feel like an insider amongst the outsiders. It is not so much lonely as it is far less noisy.

[jujsky]

I don't feel like I fit the typical mold (maybe stereotypical mold) of a homeschooling mom, and I'm often feeling left out. Or maybe weird. Are there others like me out there?

;)

 

I felt that way until a like-minded friend of mine and I put an ad on some local boards and found a few other moms like us. In our area people either tend to be religious people who use a religious curriculum, or secular people who are unschoolers. Secular homeschoolers are hard to find! There are still some differences in our group of 5 moms, but our differences keep it interesting and expose our children to experiences we wouldn't necessarily provide as individuals. We have different interests (anywhere from "girly-girl" me to the mom who goes hiking and camping out in tents in the cold New England winter) but our educational philosophies are similar, and we are all the types of moms who make our children accountable for their actions. We've been getting together since September, and the more time we spend together, the closer we become. It's a nice group! I would do what we did -- try to find some like-minded people.

[sadiegirl]

Oh, and I'm looking a nice pair of skinnies. What do you have? Any fave brand

 

I have a favorite couple of brands....Buckle has 2 brands..BKE and Big Star...both of these are great looking jeans! Also, they carry a jean called Rock Revival that I love but they are about twice the price of the others.

Check these out!