Eat to Live-is it ever possible to convert die-hard meat-eaters?

[lakotajm]

I am currently giving the Eat to Live diet a try after reading of it from a poster on the Weight/Health Challenge thread. I am very impressed with the book,and didn't even know what it was about before checking it out. Problem is this:

 

I would love it if my whole family could eat this way. At least to feed my kids a modified version, to prevent some of the problems he mentions coming from early maturity. My oldest, who is already a vegetarian has expressed interst. The sticking point is my husband.

 

He is already convinced that any time I say anything against animal products it is because I was brainwashed by my mother and little sister. Mom has been veggie for years. Little sis is an animal rights vegan. He was raised on a farm all his life, eating animals at basically every meal. He is very stubborn about insisting people need to eat meat to live. And it just angers me that he always insists he knows I am only saying what I say because of my family's influence. He never even will give books like Eat to Live a chance. He is convinced that I like it because it backs up my bias (presumed bias). It is odd, because only 4 years ago, I was doing Atkins. So one would think, if I am a politically biased, die-hard vegetarian, I sure change my stripes easily!

 

What suggestions do you guys have-never speak of veggie supremacy again or some other tack? I am saddened and worried for his and kids' health. I intend to feed them no meat when he is not around-mostly fruits and veggies. But he is already unhappy with the fridge contents (said he, "you went grocery shopping and came back with nothing to eat?", though it was filled with cabbage, peppers, salad, carrots, broccoli, soy milk, bluberries, etc.)

 

Lakota

[Renee in NC]

I would let him eat meat in peace. He's a grown man, right?

[Wyndie]

Boy do I understand this! My children and I eat super healthy while my husband eats chemicals designed to look like food. I fought about this for years and finally gave up b/c he was not willing to change and I decided he's a grown up and should make his own choices. I will not cook him unhealthy foods but if we are eating say... quinoa and broccoli for dinner, I will make a side of meat for him b/c it's what he WANTS. I won't go buy him a candy bar but I will get him a low-sugar cookie if he's determined he's going to eat something in that vein. He is slowly coming around and I'm pretty sure it's b/c he sees the health eating well is bringing us, but he is not giving up his meat. And I can live with that. He's an adult and I really don't want him to feel like he's my child.

 

On a side note, some people really benefit from meat. It may be the only way their body will assimilate B12 or something like that, I don't know but I know that while I avoid meat for the most part, there are times when I NEED it. So I think it may be the more loving thing to let him have his meat. Men are much harder to change in that area, generally speaking. Give him time, he'll come around if he's not made to feel bad everytime a steak goes in his mouth. ;)

[sunshine]

It may be impossible to get him to quit eating it. But, that said, you can serve meat for dinner, give him a piece but make the kids ask for it, and serve 4 to 5 veggies so that the meat is a side item. Don't say anything and wait for his taste buds to change to desire healthy things.

[Parrothead]

I've had to decide to let him have what he thinks he wants. In the meantime I'm feeding him lots and lots of fruits, veggies, and whole grains. I do give him smaller portions of meat. I'm hoping he is going to soon realize that the proper portion size is not 1lb per meal.

[Anne]

My dh isn't giving up his meat, but he is now willing to eat some meatless meals each week - he was recently forced to go on cholesterol meds!!!:glare:

 

Anne

[RoughCollie]

I would let him eat meat in peace. He's a grown man, right?

 

:iagree:

[Spy Car]

I've had to decide to let him have what he thinks he wants. In the meantime I'm feeding him lots and lots of fruits, veggies, and whole grains. I do give him smaller portions of meat. I'm hoping he is going to soon realize that the proper portion size is not 1lb per meal.

 

:iagree:

 

Make absolutely delicious whole-grains, beans, veggies, soups, and fruit dishes, and then serve small amounts of meat as a "compliment" to the meal.

 

Make the other parts a feast for the eyes and the palate and you shouldn't face too many complaints about the shrinking meat.

 

Bill

[forty-two]

Make absolutely delicious whole-grains, beans, veggies, soups, and fruit dishes, and then serve small amounts of meat as a "compliment" to the meal.

 

Make the other parts a feast for the eyes and the palate and you shouldn't face too many complaints about the shrinking meat.

 

Bill

:iagree:

 

I admit, from what little I know about "Eat to Live", my initial reaction is that I'd rather lose a few years off my life than give up every. single. thing. that I actually *enjoy* eating. And I do eat reasonably healthy (no refined sugar/flour, no artificial ingredients, minimal processing).

 

In fact, right now I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I might have to give up refined sugar/flour *entirely*, as opposed to just limiting it to an occasional treat. Every. single. time. I eat it I turn into a raving madwoman. But the thought of *never* eating an Oreo again (as full of badness as it is)? It makes me genuinely sad. And this is when it is *my* choice to avoid it. If my dh tried to impose it on me "for my own good", I'd kick up a *huge* fuss.

 

All you can do it show, over time and through example, that your eating choices really are better - both in taste and for health.

[Liz CA]

:iagree:

 

Yes, I found out that one cannot change another adult's eating habits without his/her consent. Come to think of it, I wouldn't want anyone trying to convince me to eat differently than I see fit either.

The most drastic change I saw in dh is the awareness of GMO, commercially grown fruit with pesticides versus organic and non-GMO. But this has not changed what he eats only where he gets his food.

[kiana]

What they said -- even if it were for my own good, as an adult I'd kick up a huge fuss if someone else tried to make me make a radical change in my diet, especially if I weren't convinced that they were right. Just eat the way you want, feed the kids the way you want, and let him have his meat -- but make mouth-wateringly delicious and aromatic dishes for yourself and the kids, and proffer them as side dishes/first courses :)

[Mommyof4ks]

He can't convince you to eat meat, so I doubt you will convince him not to. :001_smile:

[jld]

I'm sorry, lakotajm. It's hard to have such a fundamental disagreement with your dh. I don't know how veg/non-veg, lib/Tea Party, atheist/ev. Christian, or other couples with such fundamentally different beliefs manage, especially when one side writes off the other side without looking at their arguments at all. I guess love really is a powerful force!

 

You're right to be worried about their health. Hopefully you can influence your children's eating, even if dh is (at least temporarily) a lost cause. And the suggestion about making good meals is probably very good.

 

I have to say, though, that I didn't do it that way. I just threw away the animal products one day back in 1996, and told dh that was it. He didn't argue, but ate whatever he wanted outside the house, without us. Then he read Food for Life, by Neal Barnard, and became a "believer" himself. He still eats meat at business functions, but that's it. I now buy dairy products occasionally, so we aren't vegan. We do feel best when we follow a low-fat vegan diet, though. Like anything else in life, when we apply some self-discipline, things go better.

 

Good luck to you, and hang in there. Sometimes you just have to do what you believe to be the right thing, even when you are the only one doing it, even when people around you are screaming how wrong you are. Keep believing in yourself!

[rookie]

I'm sorry, lakotajm. It's hard to have such a fundamental disagreement with your dh. I don't know how veg/non-veg, lib/Tea Party, atheist/ev. Christian, or other couples with such fundamentally different beliefs manage,

 

 

 

I am in the type of marriage you describe, and I will tell you how it works..........Respect. My dh and I have been happily married for almost 20 years now and have different religious backgrounds, different ethnicities, different races, different political parties, and different diets. We respect each other and do not try to change the other person. We respectfully exchange information about our choices/views and maybe even debate them but in the end, aren't we both intelligent, thoughtful adults? Yes, so we get to come to our own conclusions and we also get to keep loving the other person.

[Rosie_0801]

Actually, "The China Study" was written by a bloke who grew up on a cattle farm eating four kinds of meat for breakfast every day. My dh wasn't on board to begin with either, but agreed to eat vegan in the house and indulge in kebabs when he was out and the kids weren't around. That continued along fairly well for a while, but now after more research, we're both on the same page. We consider animal products to be junk food, and we all know we're going to eat junk food now and then, but we oughtn't over do it.

 

Perhaps your hubby will be willing to do this. I'm sure not even he thinks he needs steak for dinner if he's eaten a hamburger for lunch.

 

Rosie

[LibraryLover]

:iagree:

 

Make absolutely delicious whole-grains, beans, veggies, soups, and fruit dishes, and then serve small amounts of meat as a "compliment" to the meal.

 

Make the other parts a feast for the eyes and the palate and you shouldn't face too many complaints about the shrinking meat.

 

Bill

 

 

Exactly. And if he does want some meat, get him organic, grass fed and/or local meat. It's not the same. Have you see Food Inc? The health beneifits of real food, meat or plant, are significant.

[Heidi7Sue]

I'm trying out this multi-quote thing for the first time. Let's hope it works.

 

I intend to feed them no meat when he is not around-mostly fruits and veggies.

Lakota

 

Are you feeding them protein of some kind? Grains & legumes combo, or something?

 

I would let him eat meat in peace. He's a grown man, right?

 

Yes, but she has to cook it all.

 

That said, I'd still feed him meat. Our story: I could be happy as a vegetarian; meat just doesn't thrill me much, unless it's a really great steak, and who can afford that on a regular basis? I married a carnivore. At some point I persuaded him to try eating the way I did before we were married. I ate some meat, but probably half of my meals involved other sources of protein - eggs, dairy, combining grains & legumes. We did that for a few months, but as we went into the winter, dh got very sick very often. I have never seen him so sick before or since. (It was the flu and a lot of colds & sinus infections.) We went back to eating meat every night, and he's back to being healthy. We both thought it was weird that it affected him like that but my overall health didn't correlate with the amount of meat I was eating. But the effect was obvious and pronounced.

 

Now we all eat a lot of eggs, because they're both cheaper and easier than making a meat dish every night. Our cholesterol numbers are really good, too.

 

So I guess my advice would be to see if you can get him to agree to an experiment - he eats your way for a set period of time. He might go for it if he knows you'll go back to fixing meat if he doesn't like the results of the experiment.

[Heidi7Sue]

I just thought of another question, actually two questions:

 

Does Eat to Live assume the truth of evolution? (I know nothing about the book.) Do you think the theory of evolution is true?

 

I ask this because dh and I read a book together that assumed evolution is true (and we don't), and at some point decided it was a waste of time because of that fundamental assumption.

[Laura Corin]

I'd sneak in more veg over time without mentioning it. I'm not aiming to make us a vegetarian family, but rather to get everyone used to smaller portions of meat with some non-meat meals. I aim for plates which are half veg/fruit, one quarter meat/eggs/beans, and one quarter starch/grain.

 

Laura

[Renee in NC]

I'm trying out this multi-quote thing for the first time. Let's hope it works.

 

Yes, but she has to cook it all.

 

 

 

I'll assume so. I cook stuff for my dh that I don't eat and he cooks stuff for us that he won't eat. Cooking a piece of meat to go with the veggies and grains is not really that big of deal. For me it all falls under putting others ahead of myself.

[Lawana]

My dh isn't giving up his meat, but he is now willing to eat some meatless meals each week - he was recently forced to go on cholesterol meds!!!:glare:

 

Anne

 

My dh is also a die-hard meat eater, but will eat one or two meatless dinners a week. He was on a statin, but the side effects drove him off.

 

And I agree with those who say cook the way you want for your family, just add a meat for him.

[Jyniffrec]

Make absolutely delicious whole-grains, beans, veggies, soups, and fruit dishes, and then serve small amounts of meat as a "compliment" to the meal.

 

:iagree: This is the way meat should be eaten and we like meat occasionally here at our house. We have a cycle of eating meat and then not eating it, it is about half and half through the year (for religious purposes). But when we do it is in small portions.

 

Another thing to consider is getting him grassfed beef and free-range chicken, especially since he'll presumably be the only one eating meat. It may be more affordable that way.

 

When my sister was a vegetarian she made two meals at supper - one for her husband and one for herself.

 

Good luck with your efforts and keep trying to feed your family healthfully!

[creekland]

People need to change because they want to change, not because they are forced to.

 

Another thought... if you indeed switch the kids to exactly what you want them to eat and don't respect his views, you might be putting a wedge into your marriage. Food is not nearly as important as a good marriage IMO. I'd let the kids have foods BOTH parents enjoy and let them choose for themselves.

 

To get my hubby to eat more healthily I've done what others have suggested. I work more veggies into the meals and very occasionally go meatless. We all eat the same thing in my household (most of the time), so this means I go along with his wishes at times too. The kids see us as being in agreement on it all.

 

We have managed to totally get rid of white bread, sugary sweets (except special occasions), hot dogs, and some things, but I sure didn't try to do it all at once insisting my way was better or the only way.

 

Some things are simply more important than health issues. Besides, I've read enough reports suggesting a vegan diet is rather unhealthy overall... and Atkins/South Beach folks tend to do rather well (not that we do either, but nutrition is NOT a "set in stone" science). The best I can believe is that hot dogs and twinkies aren't healthy in anyones view. We stick for the middle as much as we can - and are happy with our choices.

Edited February 9, 2010 by creekland

[sunflowerlady]

Let him eat how he wants to eat. You are not going to change someone else, and what one person deems healthy is not what another one believes to be so.

 

I follow Atkins, so I eat meat and eggs as well as veggies and dairy and such. Hubby and dd eat starches and sweets. Since I am the one choosing to eat differently, I do not try to make them follow suit. I just abstain from the sweets and starches.

 

You could cook the meat for hubby and just eat the veggies if that is what you prefer. As for the dc, I think conflict between mom and dad is more troublesome than what they eat or don't eat.

[lakotajm]

:iagree:

 

In fact, right now I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I might have to give up refined sugar/flour *entirely*, as opposed to just limiting it to an occasional treat. Every. single. time. If my dh tried to impose it on me "for my own good", I'd kick up a *huge* fuss.

 

All you can do it show, over time and through example, that your eating choices really are better - both in taste and for health.

 

Actually, Eat to Live allows for a small treat even on a daily basis for those who feel they just cannot do entirely without. But we are talking like one cookie. They also allow for a small amount of meat once/week for those who feel they can't live without it.

 

My main concern (and perhaps I could have made this clearer in my op) is more just talking to him about the book, the research and not just to tell him he has to eat that way, or make him eat that way. He is an OTR truck driver, and there is no way I can police his food intake that much even if I wanted to. It is more that I feel belittled and misunderstood and never taken seriously by him within the context of conversations where we disagree. This is one of them. He will not even attempt to check the research for himself. That worries me. If he did check it out, did read the book or another book about nutrition and then decided eating one pound servings of meat on most every day of the week is ok, then at least he could legitimately say, "OK, so it isn't healthy, but this is how I want to eat". But he stubbornly refuses to even discuss it rationally or check out the facts for himself. And he berates me for my restating what the research says, claiming I am just "brainwashed". That is my main point.

 

But, yes, I will definitely try to cook healthy for him when he is home. It may not work, though. He notices the missing/reduced meat after awhile and complains. And if it were served, he would definitely offer it to the two little kids and they likely will say yes.

 

Lakota

[Rhondabee]

On a side note, some people really benefit from meat. It may be the only way their body will assimilate B12 or something like that, I don't know but I know that while I avoid meat for the most part, there are times when I NEED it. So I think it may be the more loving thing to let him have his meat. ;)

 

This is me. I was a vegan for 6 years and suffered with all-over body pains and migraines. Even after switching to "mostly vegetarian" for my children's and DH's sakes, the pain continued.

 

Then last year, we met a fellow homeschooler who told us she had had very similar symptoms for years, and they stopped when she started adding red meat daily to her diet. (She had actually been told by a doctor to do this.) I was skeptical - VERY skeptical. But, I knew in the back of my mind that the pain started soon after we married - at the same time we became vegetarians to save money.

 

I still sometimes have headaches on the first day of my cycle, but adding a daily dose of red meat has gotten rid of the other pains and I have a lot more energy that I used to. I think it's the iron? (Tho' I took iron supplements for years.) Funny thing is that it *must* be beef; chicken and pork do not have the same effect.

 

I feel so bad for all the wasted days I spent in pain, and all the times I preached to other people about how bad their diet was.

[DarlaS]

Actually, Eat to Live allows for a small treat even on a daily basis for those who feel they just cannot do entirely without. But we are talking like one cookie. They also allow for a small amount of meat once/week for those who feel they can't live without it.

 

My main concern (and perhaps I could have made this clearer in my op) is more just talking to him about the book, the research and not just to tell him he has to eat that way, or make him eat that way. He is an OTR truck driver, and there is no way I can police his food intake that much even if I wanted to. It is more that I feel belittled and misunderstood and never taken seriously by him within the context of conversations where we disagree. This is one of them. He will not even attempt to check the research for himself. That worries me. If he did check it out, did read the book or another book about nutrition and then decided eating one pound servings of meat on most every day of the week is ok, then at least he could legitimately say, "OK, so it isn't healthy, but this is how I want to eat". But he stubbornly refuses to even discuss it rationally or check out the facts for himself. And he berates me for my restating what the research says, claiming I am just "brainwashed". That is my main point.

 

But, yes, I will definitely try to cook healthy for him when he is home. It may not work, though. He notices the missing/reduced meat after awhile and complains. And if it were served, he would definitely offer it to the two little kids and they likely will say yes.

 

Lakota

 

My copy of Eat to Live suggest 12 oz per week animal products total. I think many could easily get away with double that (or more) depending on their choices.

 

It's not a "vegan" diet--it's about what you're adding more than what you're taking away (at least that's the impression I got when I read it). Focusing on what you'd like them to include would likely go over better than what you'd like to eliminate. Right away people feel deprived--no matter what else is on the table. (It's human nature I guess. :tongue_smilie:)

[Marsha]

We eat meat, but we do have meatless meals or meals with a small amount of meat.

We only eat Grass Fed Beef and Free Range chickens.

[lllll]

Made the switch to vegan years ago. (for health only - not animal thing) Here's how I went about it, which may or may not be helpful for your (OP) particular family. I read all the stuff, found recipes, explained it to the kids, cleaned out the kitchen, and just did it. Didn't ask dh anything. Just did it. And it's worked very well for our family. Here are some of the reasons why ...

 

- We were in our 40's when I switched us. When you get up into your 40's, what you eat suddenly begins to make a BIG difference in how you feel, for most people. And any extra weight you may be hauling around gets less and less easy to 'haul' with each passing year. Dh knew this because he lived it; as did I. There was incentive to make the change. We could no longer ignore the problem or exercise it away or diet it away or whatever. Also in your 40's, you begin to notice that people your age are 'suddenly' beginning to pop up with serious health problems (and even die). Dh watched people from work 'suddenly' develop high blood pressure, blod clots in legs, autoimmume problems, and on and on. He's one of the few people over age 40 NOT on prescription drugs where he works. (Same story when we went to church.)

 

- I made the house vegan - not the people. Dh eats whatever he wants when he's out of the house. Dc also eat whatever they want when we go out to eat - which is rare. I will sometimes get some gunk when we're in town. No big deal.

 

- I allowed for special occassions. On birthdays, holidays, vacations, etc., we may or may not get some gunk. Last year, ds made some gumbo for Thanksgiving dinner. Some of us ate it and some of us didn't. If anybody wants non-vegan desserts on their birthdays, I usually cook it. If they want some kind of meat thing, ds cooks it or we buy it already cooked. And so on. We're not legalistic about it. We know we'll probably feel bad for a few days if we eat it (even dc notice this at their young ages!); but we make the decision knowing the consequences.

 

- Dh has never really eaten at home Mon - Fri. He works 12+ hour days. So even if he takes food from home, he still eats from the vending machines at work; eats whatever is out for all to eat at work; eats all the free samples at the grocery store when shopping; and so on. He gets his meat/cheese 'fix'. He eats vegan at home and 'meats out', as someone once said on this board. :) This also works the other way around, too. When dh is on vacation, he's home and eating vegan. He never fails to point out how much better he feels without all the gunk.

 

- I kept experimenting with recipes until I found quite a few delicious meals which dh, and the rest of us, love. This was the hardest part. I had to 'relearn' how to cook. The flip side, however, is that it was much easier to teach dc how to cook like this, thus relieving me of 95% of the cooking at this point. The only reason I cook now is to try out new recipes or as a substitute when the cook can't cook that day. And I got most of my recipes from the internet. No reason to go broke buying cookbooks.

 

- I didn't worry about the kids at all. I was doing the cooking. They ate what I cooked.

 

- I stopped talking about food (except here, occassionally ;)). The food is made. There it is. Eat it or don't eat it. I have other things to do.

 

And that's all I can remember right now, and ds wants to use the computer. If I think of anything else, I'll add it later.

 

HTH

[sandellie4]

Exactly. And if he does want some meat, get him organic, grass fed and/or local meat. It's not the same. Have you see Food Inc? The health beneifits of real food, meat or plant, are significant.

 

This is how I'm handling it, too. When dh does eat meat, it's organic. Fortunately, though he's unwilling to give up meat entirely, he's never been a frequent meat eater anyway. He eats meat maybe two times a week and is willing to eat the two-legged variety at least one of those times. Also, when I cook it for him, I "stretch" the meat, so it's in a rice dish, whatever, and use lots of spices that I know he likes. I'm going to make a rice dish with tiny cubes of tofu this weekend, and he's agreed to take a taste. That's all I want, is for him to take a taste. I feel like he shouldn't eat it if he doesn't want to, and he doesn't mind trying things. Sometimes I wish he would give up meat, but like other posters, I know it's really his decision. He's in the process of quitting smoking at the moment -- and it's enough to make me very proud of him. :001_smile:

 

Sandy

[EthiopianFood]

Some people need different foods for their health. I cannot eat any form of protein except meat. Sorry. Members of my family CAN. Should I set out to change them, or they me?

 

Then you would eat no grains, dairy, eggs, beans, vegetables, or fruit, because they all contain protein. Meat and eggs have all nine amino acids that our bodies can't make, the other foods only contain some, but they don't all have the exact same ones, which is how vegetarians get a complete diet, through a varied diet.

[chaik76]

I wouldn't try to change him. Meat is healthy, it's been eaten for thousands and thousands of years.

 

There's more than one healthy diet out there.

My dh and I eat differently...and there's really nothing wrong with that.

 

ETA: I eat a high protein diet and get most of that protein from meat. I researched and talked to drs. etc...I'm healthy on this diet.

 

I honestly can't imagine telling my dh that he had to eat the same way as me if his preferences were elsewhere....he is healthy but eats a different type of diet than I do.

[chaik76]

 

 

I am in the type of marriage you describe, and I will tell you how it works..........Respect. My dh and I have been happily married for almost 20 years now and have different religious backgrounds, different ethnicities, different races, different political parties, and different diets. We respect each other and do not try to change the other person. We respectfully exchange information about our choices/views and maybe even debate them but in the end, aren't we both intelligent, thoughtful adults? Yes, so we get to come to our own conclusions and we also get to keep loving the other person.

Love this! My dh and I do agree about a lot of things...but what you speak about here is how we treat each other.

[Joanne]

I find it personally disrespectful to even consider trying.

 

I'd say that for going either direction, btw.

[chaik76]

Actually, Eat to Live allows for a small treat even on a daily basis for those who feel they just cannot do entirely without. But we are talking like one cookie. They also allow for a small amount of meat once/week for those who feel they can't live without it.

 

My main concern (and perhaps I could have made this clearer in my op) is more just talking to him about the book, the research and not just to tell him he has to eat that way, or make him eat that way. He is an OTR truck driver, and there is no way I can police his food intake that much even if I wanted to. It is more that I feel belittled and misunderstood and never taken seriously by him within the context of conversations where we disagree. This is one of them. He will not even attempt to check the research for himself. That worries me. If he did check it out, did read the book or another book about nutrition and then decided eating one pound servings of meat on most every day of the week is ok, then at least he could legitimately say, "OK, so it isn't healthy, but this is how I want to eat". But he stubbornly refuses to even discuss it rationally or check out the facts for himself. And he berates me for my restating what the research says, claiming I am just "brainwashed". That is my main point.

 

But, yes, I will definitely try to cook healthy for him when he is home. It may not work, though. He notices the missing/reduced meat after awhile and complains. And if it were served, he would definitely offer it to the two little kids and they likely will say yes.

 

Lakota

But there are books and studies, etc. that show that eating that much meat per day is healthy. So, even if he read the research, he might not agree with.

[chaik76]

I find it personally disrespectful to even consider trying.

 

I'd say that for going either direction, btw.

Yup! You were much more succint than I was!

[gaillardia]

I am familiar with Eat To Live. Convert die hard meat eaters, yes, when they get to the point where they feel badly enough from eating it. It is hard to do, I wanted to give it up for years. Two in our home are "vegetarians" and I don't eat much meat now either. When it is less of a choice on the table and fridge they have to eat what is there! Salads, fruit, lots of grains and beans, nuts, lots of new herbs and spices.

[Peela]

This has been an ongoing issue for me with my husband, although the details are different.

I have been on quite a journey with it. My husband however works from home and has plenty of free time. He wants me to cook for him, yet he wants to control what I cook, and therefore what I eat- while he watches TV. I have got to the point that I refuse to compromise my own health for him. I will try and make meals that are easy to adapt for everyone, but its just not always possible. I do love to cook- but not unhealthy foods.

I eat what I want to eat- lots of fruit and vegetables, a little meat, very little grains and no dairy. I give my kids fairly healthy food with some compromises- and plenty of dairy, whole grains etc. DH is vegetarian (honestly, it would be easier if he werent because he doesnt like vegetables and cant eat beans) so he gets various things but often has to fend for himself.

He is learning to accept a healthy meal rather than no meal. I did go on strike a few months back- I was so tired of everyone being fussy and unappreciative, when everyone is quite capable of cooking for themselves. I am not a short order cook or a servant- I work too. This is the 21st century- men and teenagers are allowed in the kitchen!

After my strike, dh started appreciating what was put in front of him much more.

My favourite sayings were "the complaints departments is closed" and "every day I give my family two choices for dinner- take it or leave it". Its not like dh gets home from a long day at work out in the world somewhere. He has it easy.

 

Just because I am married to a man, and I love him dearly, doesnt make me his doormat, if he has that tendency. It's good for BOTH members of a marriage to get clear and strong and stand on their own two feet. Who cares what your husband thinks? I love my husband AND I disagree with him on many things. It doesn't make our marriage weaker, it makes it stronger that I don't give in to him. He has learned to adore me for my differences.

And there's a big difference between trying to control your man by trying to get him to think differently and eat differently, and just doing your own thing and letting him respond however he does- he is an adult, he can cook, he can have cereal, he can do whatever he wants, he can complain too. My dh adds sugar to my soups! Ugh! He drinks Pepsi and drinks coffee, he has terrible digestive issues and has developed a wheat sensitivity- so I go out of my way to make wheat free meals and then he goes and eats pasta or pizza while out! What a girl to do ! I try and keep my sense of humour and offer him a salad or a fruit smoothy, and if he's hungry enough, he'll say yes.

Hes come a long way over the years but it hasnt been easy.

[DarlaS]

But there are books and studies, etc. that show that eating that much meat per day is healthy.

 

Find one that doesn't use Inuit as an example and I'm all ears. :bigear:

 

Inuit people have been used as an example many times that a high fat & high protein diet can be healthy, because they don't have heart disease. It ignores other health issues entirely (like their high rate of hip fractures).

 

Incidentally, the wild game native peoples ate is a very different thing from modern-day forced-into-rapid-growth (by various means) animal products.

[chaik76]

Find one that doesn't use Inuit as an example and I'm all ears. :bigear:

 

Inuit people have been used as an example many times that a high fat & high protein diet can be healthy, because they don't have heart disease. It ignores other health issues entirely (like their high rate of hip fractures).

 

Incidentally, the wild game native peoples ate is a very different thing from modern-day forced-into-rapid-growth (by various means) animal products.

I actually wasn't thinking of the Inuits at all!! Because of their lifestyle and what was available I don't think the Inuits can be used as a representative group. I was thinking of some other ones...I'll have to see if I have any of them on this computer...I had a crash and I'm not sure what I had left.

 

Btw...we still eat a lot of wild game. Right now my freezer is full of venison and wild boar. Also beef from the grocery store, but the majority is wild right now. We have a farm we can get organic, grass-fed beef, chicken, and turkey from...but it's just way out of our price range right now.

[lionfamily1999]

He is already convinced that any time I say anything against animal products it is because I was brainwashed by my mother and little sister. Mom has been veggie for years. Little sis is an animal rights vegan. He was raised on a farm all his life, eating animals at basically every meal. He is very stubborn about insisting people need to eat meat to live. And it just angers me that he always insists he knows I am only saying what I say because of my family's influence. He never even will give books like Eat to Live a chance. He is convinced that I like it because it backs up my bias (presumed bias). It is odd, because only 4 years ago, I was doing Atkins. So one would think, if I am a politically biased, die-hard vegetarian, I sure change my stripes easily!

Lakota

I'd say leave the man alone.

 

Also, you guys grew up under very different circumstances. While your mom is veggie, his mom cooked meat for every meal. He's as much "brainwashed" as you in this regard. He's stubborn that you need meat to live and you're stubborn that you don't. From an outside point of view, it seems to me you're both set in your eating ways and would do better to agree to disagree and move on, he with his meat and you with your veggies.

[Laurie4b]

Actually, Eat to Live allows for a small treat even on a daily basis for those who feel they just cannot do entirely without. But we are talking like one cookie. They also allow for a small amount of meat once/week for those who feel they can't live without it.

 

My main concern (and perhaps I could have made this clearer in my op) is more just talking to him about the book, the research and not just to tell him he has to eat that way, or make him eat that way. He is an OTR truck driver, and there is no way I can police his food intake that much even if I wanted to. It is more that I feel belittled and misunderstood and never taken seriously by him within the context of conversations where we disagree. This is one of them. He will not even attempt to check the research for himself. That worries me. If he did check it out, did read the book or another book about nutrition and then decided eating one pound servings of meat on most every day of the week is ok, then at least he could legitimately say, "OK, so it isn't healthy, but this is how I want to eat". But he stubbornly refuses to even discuss it rationally or check out the facts for himself. And he berates me for my restating what the research says, claiming I am just "brainwashed". That is my main point.

 

But, yes, I will definitely try to cook healthy for him when he is home. It may not work, though. He notices the missing/reduced meat after awhile and complains. And if it were served, he would definitely offer it to the two little kids and they likely will say yes.

 

Lakota

 

I came from farmstock. My grandfather never would have bought this and he was working in his tomato patch, at the age of 80, when he had a heart attack. Not too bad. Really -- a good death.

 

I think it might be easier for you to understand that his reliance on meat is probably also connected to his family, connection to the farm, to his childhood, etc. He may be putting down your childhood because he feels that you're putting down his. Also, if there is a difference in your education, etc. he may also be defending himself against "book learning." Whatever the reason, I would not take it personally, and I would stop trying to educate him or save him from himself. A happily married man has a health advantage, too!

 

Cook for him as healthily as you can within his desires. Buy leaner cuts of meat, or organic meat if you can afford it, or make the meat part of another delicious dish. Make changes slowly. Since he's on the road a lot, you can cook for your kids the way you'd like when he's gone and get them used to that. But it's really not going to kill them to allow them to eat like dad once in a while--whatever the book says. If their main diet has plenty of fruits, veges, whole grains, etc. they'll be very well off.

Edited February 10, 2010 by Laurie4b

[Spy Car]

I find it personally disrespectful to even consider trying.

 

 

Why so? Are we not our spouse's (children's) keeper(s)?

 

I don't believe eating meat is bad for you, at least not in moderately small amounts. But it seems uncontroversial that eating meat in large quantities at every meal is not healthful. And helping loved-ones eat diets of more variety, including whole-grains, beans, vegetables, soups, nuts, and fruit is a way to help promote their heath and vitality, and potentially increase their life-spans.

 

So isn't that a good thing?

 

Bill

 

I better add that I understand some people are allergic and/or intolerant of whole-grains, beans, vegetables, soups, nuts, and fruits, and that those needs must be accommodated

[Joanne]

Why so? Are we not our spouse's (children's) keeper(s)?

 

I don't believe eating meat is bad for you, at least not in moderately small amounts. But it seems uncontroversial that eating meat in large quantities at every meal is not healthful. And helping loved-ones eat diets of more variety, including whole-grains, beans, vegetables, soups, nuts, and fruit is a way to help promote their heath and vitality, and potentially increase their life-spans.

 

So isn't that a good thing?

 

Bill

 

I better add that I understand some people are allergic and/or intolerant of whole-grains, beans, vegetables, soups, nuts, and fruits, and that those needs must be accommodated

 

No. It's not "a good thing" to assume a parenting role in the life choices of your spouse.

 

Not to mention the change *is* debateable in terms of whether or not it is healthy.

[Spy Car]

No. It's not "a good thing" to assume a parenting role in the life choices of your spouse.

 

Let's say we have different ideas about spousal roles.

 

Not to mention the change *is* debateable in terms of whether or not it is healthy.

 

I think there are grounds for reasonable debate over which is healthier, a "good" diet that includes meat, or a "good" vegetarian diet.

 

But I don't see a serious argument to be made for eating meat at every meal, morning, noon and night and believing that will advance a person's health.

 

Bill

[GailV]

Find one that doesn't use Inuit as an example and I'm all ears. :bigear:

 

 

 

Don't the Mongols primarily consume animal proteins? I remember reading recently that including them in the China Study would've skewed the results.

[Joanne]

Let's say we have different ideas about spousal roles.

 

 

 

I think there are grounds for reasonable debate over which is healthier, a "good" diet that includes meat, or a "good" vegetarian diet.

 

But I don't see a serious argument to be made for eating meat at every meal, morning, noon and night and believing that will advance a person's health.Bill

 

Actually, quite a serious arguement, backed by much research, is available for just that.

 

Let's say we have different ideas about spousal roles.

 

Yes, because if mine tried to lovingly encourage me to change to his idea of healthy (no matter what that may be), I'd be furious. I'd never recommend another adult engage with a peer or spouse in that way.

[chaik76]

No. It's not "a good thing" to assume a parenting role in the life choices of your spouse.

 

Not to mention the change *is* debateable in terms of whether or not it is healthy.

Absolutely.

 

Let's say we have different ideas about spousal roles.

 

 

 

I think there are grounds for reasonable debate over which is healthier, a "good" diet that includes meat, or a "good" vegetarian diet.

 

But I don't see a serious argument to be made for eating meat at every meal, morning, noon and night and believing that will advance a person's health.

 

Bill

There is...but Joanne actually said it right below.

 

Actually, quite a serious arguement, backed by much research, is available for just that.

 

 

 

Yes, because if mine tried to lovingly encourage me to change to his idea of healthy (no matter what that may be), I'd be furious. I'd never recommend another adult engage with a peer or spouse in that way.

Absolutely. I didn't even need to post...Joanne said everything for me!

[Peela]

Why so? Are we not our spouse's (children's) keeper(s)?

 

I don't believe eating meat is bad for you, at least not in moderately small amounts. But it seems uncontroversial that eating meat in large quantities at every meal is not healthful. And helping loved-ones eat diets of more variety, including whole-grains, beans, vegetables, soups, nuts, and fruit is a way to help promote their heath and vitality, and potentially increase their life-spans.

 

So isn't that a good thing?

 

Bill

 

 

Well, I sort of agree. I know that my husband is beginning to show health issues, and I wonder, is it my responsibility to nurse him through illness after illness through his old age when he refuses to take care of his own health? Refuses to eat vegetables- eats a diet likely to lead to diabetes? My dh does try to "please me" by eating more healthy food...but I certainly think there is a case for encouraging the one one shares one's life with, to take care of their health. Surely most wives who are at all health conscious try to "take care" of their family in that way, even against some resistance?

I do think that there is a line past which one shouldn't push at all. But I do think its worth a good try.

[lakotajm]

 

Are you feeding them protein of some kind? Grains & legumes combo, or something?

 

So I guess my advice would be to see if you can get him to agree to an experiment - he eats your way for a set period of time. He might go for it if he knows you'll go back to fixing meat if he doesn't like the results of the experiment.

 

Actually, green leafy vegetables are quite excellent sources of protein. And the diet includes a cup of beans a day. No combining is necessary. Your body does that just fine. The diet results in a total protein intake that is actually quite high-at least 60 g a day, generally more, without meat.

 

I actually had thought about your idea, but I know he wouldn't try it. He's just too stuborn of a man. If he believes something, that's it. And he would not even let me feed the kids that way either, if he could help it.

So I thought of using him as a guinea pig to reperesent the facts to him of the health consequences of ignoring the researchy. I suggested we both get our blood pressure, cholesterol (full) and glucose checked before and then after 6 months. The weight loss would likely be obvious, but we can check that and fat around the waist, as well. We need these tests for our own health knowledge anyway.

 

Lakota