Harriet Vane Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi folks, I love my grandmother dearly and would like to give her something she likes for Christmas. She's hard to buy for, though. She has dementia. For years she has not kept or used any Christmas gifts--she has had many, many years of being terribly poor in her life. As her dementia has progressed, she has gotten progressively more and more fearful of keeping gifts because she thinks she needs to return them for the $$$. (She lives with her daughter and is well cared for now.) She also is hard to buy for because she does not do anything. She literally spends her days sorting paper or cutting paper. She's not drooling and incoherent yet--just spacey and childlike and forgetful. Any ideas? Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Pictures collaged in a nice frame, or a bunch of little pictures in those wood frames for a bunch of pictures--you see them at Target, etc. Also, if someone can help here remember to look through it, photo albums. Labelled w/ year and names would probably be good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 When my great grandma turned 95, we had a hard time buying her gifts. While we were at the grocery store picking out yet another bouquet of flowers, my sister saw an adorable little teddy bear and suggested it. The one we bought was purely decorative--I think it was a Boyd's bear and was about 6 inches tall wearing a little dress and holding knitting needles/knitting. Grandma adored it! It turns out that she was so poor as a child that she never had a doll or stuffed animal. The next year, when her speech was gone and she spent most of her time in bed, we got her a larger soft cuddly bear. She slept with it every night until her death at age 97 1/2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Does your grandma lose things like gloves or slippers? I had my sisters buy my mom multiple identical pairs of gloves so if she lost one, I had a replacement that matched. My mom also went through a weird phase of actively throwing away her shoes (hiding them down in the garbage can), and that's where the multiple pairs of slippers came in handy. If she is now uncomfortable receiving gifts, stop presenting them to her. It's about making her happy, right? Just send them to your aunt on her behalf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
West Coast Mom Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 My grandmother has dementia. She has been living with my mom for the last year. She is quite spacey, childlike, and forgetful at times. Although, she is "with us" a good portion of the day as well. We've noticed that she enjoys the following things: Old photo albums of the family (grandkids, her kids as children) even if she can't remember names and faces. My mom keeps one out for a few days and just rotates them. By the time she gets back to the first one, it is all new to her again. Coffee table books with photos of people (especially children), animals, holiday icons. These are easy to find inexpensively at bargain tables of bookstores and stores like Marshalls and T.J. Max. Large coloring books. Easy puzzles with a small number of large pieces. Music from her younger days. Hope some of that sparks an idea for you. I find it interesting that she enjoys watching children so much now. She was not a child-friendly grandma at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 How about some homemade cookies? The last Christmas present I gave my grandma before she died was a big tin of homemade Christmas cookies. She absolutely loved them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 , my sister saw an adorable little teddy bear and suggested it. I was going to say the same thing. A soft cuddly stuffy. Actually, assuming no allergies maybe a real live mellow cat would be even better. My mother is a retired geriatric psychiatric nurse & they had a couple cats on the dementia ward. Most patients really loved having a cat on their lap. If you get an adult cat from rescue you can get the right personality: a lazy affectionate older cat who seeks out a lap & will just snooze there for hours. Otherwise CD's of popular music from her childhood, teen & young adult years. Just whatever would have been playing on the radio at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 My Grandmother would sit and fidget with the hem of her dress or blouse while she sat. The best gift my mother gave her during those years was a beautiful homemade apron, with deep pockets. Grandma loved to wear it. She put little things in the pockets, and rolled the hem of the apron instead of the hem of her dress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 ... Large coloring books. along with a set of coloring pencils. We like the Lyra Ferby brand here. They have a large barrel too so might be easier for her to hold on to. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 If she's worried about returning things, how about something simple and handmade? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 We always get my grandparents gift certificates for food or to the pharmacy. I've heard that a lot of dementia patients like dolls or stuffed animals to cuddle because in their confused and child-like states they believe those things are real, and they give them comfort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Something you can make or alter that is great for keeping busy hands occupied is to take a soft lap sized pillow or a stuffed animal and sew/glue on pretty manipulatives like strands of ribbon with buttons strung on them or fringe or those pom poms, etc. With a pillow, especially if you make it yourself, you can actually transfer a family photo onto fabric and sew that on, too. Nothing too cluttered, just a few things to do with her hands with different textures. Also, pretty embroidered hankies are *great*! It's nice to run your fingers over the patterns and flowers and older ladies tend to like them more than tissues. :) We bought mamaw a set of 12 different flower patterns and she loved them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Hi folks, I love my grandmother dearly and would like to give her something she likes for Christmas. She's hard to buy for, though. She has dementia. For years she has not kept or used any Christmas gifts--she has had many, many years of being terribly poor in her life. As her dementia has progressed, she has gotten progressively more and more fearful of keeping gifts because she thinks she needs to return them for the $$$. (She lives with her daughter and is well cared for now.) She also is hard to buy for because she does not do anything. She literally spends her days sorting paper or cutting paper. She's not drooling and incoherent yet--just spacey and childlike and forgetful. Any ideas? Thanks! Ah how sweet your consideration. Well, I'd do gifts that are of historical significance to her. You could assemble a few family photos for a collage. Add it to some songs from her generation growing up or when she was first married! Buy the cd's for her music preference. If she liked certain movies from her time, buy a copy of a movie or two. Amazon's a great place for that. HTH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 We would give my grandmother a new houseplant very so often. She would water them every day and would eventually kill them, so we would just get a new one. Something with cheerful flowers. Even if you are in the same town, send mail. A letter or card even if it doesn't say much can be a nice surprise. Also recruit other family members to write and send cards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I've heard that a lot of dementia patients like dolls or stuffed animals to cuddle because in their confused and child-like states they believe those things are real, and they give them comfort. My grandmother had a doll, too. She had several stuffed animals, but it was the "baby" she always held (she was the mother of 13 children in her lifetime), smoothed its dress, soothed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Any ideas? Thanks! Do you have a pic of her parents in their midlife or of her sibs when young adults? Her wedding picture? Blow them up big and frame nicely. I would avoid "the grandkids" unless she clearly knows who they are. As a bonus, if she ever goes "into care" the place she is will be reminded of her when she is more like them, and it promotes better care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolally Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I bet she'd love a family picture album. Haven't made one myself, but the photo books you can put together on cvs.com, walgreens etc look great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 You mentioned that she like collecting and cutting papers. Maybe some scrapbooking materials. A few pairs of crafting scissors, some pretty pieces of paper, some pretty stickers. A little glitter and other sparklies. Make her a small gift basket or plastic bin with these things in. You can get children's cutting pieces if you are concerned about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Did you see the little single serving pies in jars which were posted here a day or two ago? They're adorable, and I think they could make someone feel very loved. link Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelaNYC Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 My grandmother had Alzheimers and I bought her a music box with a song she used to always sing around the house ("Bicycle Built for Two"). She loved it and sang with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 It sounds like maybe gifts are a "trigger" for her to have anxiety. I would ask before I gave her anything, and maybe her daughter could suggest something that you could provide for your grandmother without making it a gift to unwrap. There are good ideas at places like this http://alzstore.com/Policies.html. Maybe she would like one of the activities. They have gifts for different stages of Alzheimer's. I have though about getting my father the lock box or the aquarium video http://store.nexternal.com/shared/StoreFront/default.asp?CS=ageless&StoreType=BtoC&Count1=741893947&Count2=659034371&CategoryID=10&Target=products.asp. But given how she has reacted to gifts in the past, I would really make sure her daughter that she lives with is okay with gifts as gifts. If it causes anxiety for your grandmother, then find another way to bless her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 My husband's stepfather had dementia, and we discovered that he loved collecting pine cones and painting them. Then he glued them all together into a giant sculpture. This kept him happily busy for hours. I think a lot of things that would amuse a preschooler actually work really well. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Oh! I totally forgot! Our grandmother *loved* Reminisce magazine! Even if she can no longer read well, this magazine is interesting and lighthearted...all stories and old photos from the 30's-50's--THEIR era. lol It's really neat, like a trip down memory lane for anyone, really. I donated all of her magazines after she passed to her adult day care and they loved them, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 These are some wonderful ideas. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me. Not sure yet what I'll do, but you've given me some good ideas to mull. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 my mother was 68 when she died of end stage dementia. It is really sad, but they do become childlike in many ways. I felt sad buying my mother blocks and toys for Christmas, but she really liked them. People with Dementia LOVE anything sensory. I bought her one of those balls with the rubber strings hanging from it and she *loved* it. I also got her a gel mat with glitter inside and she played with it. She also loved to fold things so i would put wash cloths on her hospital try (she was confined to a wheelchair so I put a tray in front of her with sippy cup, snacks and things to do.) or paper. Her all time favorite was napkins. She also loved to draw on a Magna Doodle. Another wonderful idea would be a photo album with OLD pictures from her earlier life. She's more likely to remember OLD pictures than the more recent. I did this for my mother but she never was really interested. Oh, magazines. She LOVED to look through magazines. I know you love your grandma and want something special, but really - my mother played with toys. I learned not to cry over it when I saw she was actually DOING something and not just sitting there picking at her pants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in OH Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Would she flip through a magazine? My dh's grandma loved this one: Reminisce http://www.reminisce.com/Default.asp?r_d=y Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Another tactile thing is a texture quilt--just largish squares of differently-textured fabrics sewn up into a throw the right size for putting over your lap. It's not necessarily very beautiful, but they're very popular for elderly folks who want things to touch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 I am not being mean...but how about some pretty papers. If she is so fascinated on paper, maybe you could buy her some different kinds and maybe even some of the funky scissors with different patterns so she can cut neat things. I really don't know. My MIL forgets what we got her about 30 minutes after she opens it anyway. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 I know you love your grandma and want something special, but really - my mother played with toys. I learned not to cry over it when I saw she was actually DOING something and not just sitting there picking at her pants. I'm actually fine with the idea that she might like toys better. I don't care if she knows who the gift is from and I don't care if she finds it meaningful or not. When I say I want to get her a good gift I simply mean one she will enjoy and use in some way. I'm not sure if she is at the toys stage yet or not--I think she might be almost but not quite there???? I'll have to think that one through . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 My grandparents LOVE this magazine- http://www.reminisce.com It's really sweet to hear the stories that they are reminded of when they page through it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 I ask my mother (her guardian) what my grandma needs, and I get it. She's in a home now, and they like to take her to lunch. Gift cards would be nice for that. My grandma has foot issues, so they get her pedicures. Last year she needed a sweater. My mom asked me to get it, because it was sort of a research issue, looking for a petite large. Kind of a contradiction in terms, eh? :) As the others said, if it's a useful gift, giving it to the caregiver may make more sense. And we have a story too with a stuffed animal. My grandma had a dog when she was young, and a couple years ago she started talking about it non-stop. They got her a stuffed dog, and she keeps it with her. I think the things farthest back in their memory stay as things up close fade away. At this point, my grandma doesn't know who she was married to, just that she was married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in Toronto Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 My grandmother had Alzheimers and I bought her a music box with a song she used to always sing around the house ("Bicycle Built for Two"). She loved it and sang with it. My grandmother's name was Daisy, and she loved this song. She also had dementia, and loved it when we sang this song to her. Thanks for the memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Pictures collaged in a nice frame, or a bunch of little pictures in those wood frames for a bunch of pictures--you see them at Target, etc. Also, if someone can help here remember to look through it, photo albums. Labelled w/ year and names would probably be good. :iagree: There are some really excellent suggestions in this thread. Talk to your mom. See what suggestions she has. The idea of a 'lovey', be it stuffed animal, doll, is excellent. In my experience, a rag doll is the most appreciated...too many dolls on the market aren't soft and cuddly. I'd also suggest buying several of the same if you decide to get her a lovey. That way, there isn't a panic if one gets lost, or needs to be washed, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 she used often, like boxes of Kleenex, her favorite stockings (thigh-highs), cans of snuff, hard candy, envelopes, stamps, a new nightgown & slippers, etc. Grandmama loved to open her box and go through all the things in it. MIL usually used a copy-paper box, and it literally took Grandmama days to go through it, a little at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 I agree with folks who suggested a stuffed animal or soft doll. I got my grandmother with Alzheimer's a very soft toy cat and she adored it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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