Lovedtodeath Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 If I felt like they would not like my menu, I would have responded to my child who asked, "Well, that depends on if Grandma and Grandpa are in the mood for chicken nuggets." Then the ball would be back in their court. They could choose to accept or they could choose to take you all out or they could choose to leave! Of course if you were really brave (and a bit presumptious:D) you could respond to your child, "Well, we don't have enough for guests, but if Grandma and Grandpa wanted to take us all out, we could have supper with them!" I am in awe. Perfect responses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bess Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 PS...Bess, did you talk with your dc about not inviting anyone for meals? LOL I've taught mine that only I have that privilege! :) Yes, and very sternly. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 (edited) No, I would not consider that to be rude. In fact, I think it would be rude not to invite them to eat dinner. If not having enough was an issue, I'd say, "Well, we don't really have much to offer... it's pretty slim pickin's around here, but you are welcome to share what we have." Give them a little dab and do it with a smile. After all, you never know what tomorrow brings. Who knows you will even have them tomorrow? I'd cherish the moment, eat less myself and be thankful I had parents that wanted to spend time with me. That's something that not everyone has, by the way. :001_smile: I've been known to add more water to the soup pot, dig out something from the deep freeze and pop it in the microwave, or whip up another dish if someone popped in. In my family's background culturally, it is insulting not to offer some food or drink to a guest -- even if your cupboard is bare. As a child, I recall one Thanksgiving dinner where all the relatives gathered at my Uncle's house. We didn't have turkey. We all were so broke and hard times that we served up Pozole (Soup) and tamales. Us kids had a blast. The uncles and aunts laughed the night away. It was one of my favorite holiday meals. Edited September 18, 2009 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I would invite them to stay. I think it would be inhospitable and unkind not to. But my parents would also never invite themselves like that - not without asking if it's ok, offering to take us out, or order in. or popping into a store to get some supplies & helping us cook. At the same time, we are close enough that if for whatever reason I didn't want them to stay (I felt crappy/kids were bickering/etc etc) I could just tell them to go & they wouldn't get upset either. If it was someone else, I would still invite them to stay & share whatever it was that we were having, even if it was one of my lame 'I'm totally out of food & I can't plan meals' dinners - which are totally lame-o. I think those meals would get rid of the people pretty permanently :D I agree it is rude of the guests to presume like that but I think there is some responsibility to behave appropriately, even in the face of rudeness on the part of others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Wow. We must be considered weird b/c I have a few friends to whom I have granted an open invitation: "Call me any day of the week and ask what we are having for dinner and if you like it.....come on over!" That being said, my husband's mother in law lives with us, so.....I 'get' the whole "tired of family" part. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Rude for most people, but absolutely not for parents. It's more rude not to invite them, I think. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I'm tired, so I'll just get to the point here. LOL Your feelings matter too. Some people don't respect boundaries, and take advantage of people whom they know will be too shy to stand up for themselves. Parents are parents, but parents are also people. You don't have to put up with whatever they throw at you just because they are your parents. Only YOU can know what is too much. When we sacrifice everything to our parents because they want to take advantage of us, we stop loving ourselves in the most basic of ways. You have to matter too, you know? If I were you, I would set up a weekly or monthly time to have them over for dinner, whatever is right for your family. If your budget is really tight, ask them if they can bring something. If this would be too uncomfortable, make spaghetti and don't apologize for it. Any other time, politely let them know when it is time to go, and tell them you look forward to your future dinner plans. This honors them without making you into a doormat. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OHGrandma Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Thanks to this board and conviction, I just wrote my mom this email: "Sorry I didn’t ask you guys to stay for dinner. We were having chicken nuggets and frozen steamed veggies because dh had a late conference call. I honestly didn’t think we had enough for you and was embarrassed to offer such a pathetic type of meal. Looking back, I could have ordered pizza though, so I’m sorry. I’m not good about thinking up things like that on the fly. We’ll have you over soon for a real meal. :)" That is very kind. Try one of the prior posters suggestions of asking your mom to the kitchen, if you think she'll appreciate being asked. Sometimes we moms want to step back and let the daughters be the hostess in their own home; not because we don't want to help but because we want to honor your position as the head female in your house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Okay, I feel bad now. But that's probably what I needed. To answer the questions, yes the relationship is complicated. It's my mom and stepdad (who I am not close to at all). I feel like when they come over they are there to be served. By me. It's a major effort for me to have them here... as I feel they are not pleased unless they are served (even getting water... they would not help themselves, they want to be asked and served) I've had a stressful week, which my mom knows, and she even told me they were stopping by because she sensed I was down this week. That's why I felt it was rude that she would expect a dinner invite... that's adds more stress to my plate, but I guess she doesn't view it that way. They would not be happy if I offered cereal or chicken nuggets (which is what we had for dinner tonight). Looking back, I should have at least offered to get a pizza. Honestly i just didn't feel like serving them tonight because of other things I've been dealing with that are stressful, plus I'm getting my period, plus my husband was working late, so it would be me handling everything. Oh, and I'm not a great cook. I really don't know how I would have thrown stuff together at the last minute. I have rice, but I don't have enough veggies even in the freezer to go with it. I don't have beans. I'm just not good about that sort of thing. When I normally invite them to dinner, it's a huge effort... preparing the menu, etc. because they like good food, and I can always tell when my mom doesn't think it's good enough because she won't say anything about the food. But again... I could have ordered pizza. Well, I'll do better next time. Aww, sweetie! :grouphug: There's always more to the story, isn't there? I was always afraid to have my in-laws over b/c they criticized my housekeeping. Now my FIL is dead and my MIL can't communicate and I wish I had just sucked it up and had them over more often. And I also wish they hadn't been so mean about toys and books and not enough artwork/decor. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsrevmeg Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Anyone in our family (and tons not in the family) are welcome to come stay, eat, nap, whatever anytime they like. :iagree: We have kids and teenagers that appear around dinner time. We pulled in the driveway yesterday to see a kid at our door, in the rain. He had ridden his bike to our house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 All I can say is Wow. Your parents need an invite for dinner??? I sure hope never, ever (but then I am half-Arab). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Sure I would invite them. I would just add an extra side or something..even sandwiches and chips. I'm pretty laid back that way...of course, I'm the snack mom in our building..need I say more. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in TX Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Haven't read the other posts, but: there would be no question of "inviting." My food *is* my parents' (and my husband's parents') food. As is my home. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Man, after reading all these responses I'm starting to feel either insecure or grateful. My parents (or inlaws) rarely come over for dinner. They would all much rather have us to their houses and feed us. I'll try not to think that its my cooking, but rather that they remember being at this stage in life and having no money (even with both adults in the house working full-time). My mom, I KNOW feels this way. But if they come while we are eating or about to, I offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I would like my parents and in laws to come here. It is so much easier than taking a baby or toddler to their houses. All the parents in my circle usually insist that their kids go to their house and then complain if they haven't seen the grandkids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I think this thread clearly shows the difference when a positive family relationship exists, and a negative or no relationship exists...plus cultural ideas and differences on parental obligation. Very interesting to me. As I said earlier, I quit letting my parents even IN my house when I lived near them. Just easier to head to the park than listen to the barrage of negativity for weeks after. Sounds like some would be positively aghast at the thought of the reality I live. I wish I was one of you. I really, truly, wholeheartedly do. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 If the people weren't relatives, then I would think their actions rude. However, I think it is rude to not invite your parents for dinner. But then your relationship with your parents may be different from my relationship with mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Sometimes it helps to read all of a thread. The OP apologized to her parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaik76 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Just a :grouphug: to the OP. I understand complicated relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I'm the wrong one to answer.... Heck, i find it rude that my in-laws would drive 3000 miles in their RV and not bother to let me know how LONG they will be staying. And I find it rude that my STBXH will not ask and let me know the answer. Because yes, having them living in the RV, in my driveway, IS an imposition and mucks up our routine. We have yet to be able to get back on the school schedule i'd LIKE to be on since their 3 month stay a year ago. If i at least knew the answer.... i could plan around it. But that year he kept saying, 10 days, then, "they have to be home for Christmas". They showed up before Thanksgiving and left at the end of January. But gee, this year he was picking his sister & BIL up at the airport and and i had no idea if they were staying in the house, in the RV or how long they were staying..... So really, you probably don't want to ask me :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Sometimes it helps to read all of a thread. The OP apologized to her parents. Yep. But what I said would still apply. To me, though, it seems like a cultural difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I think this thread clearly shows the difference when a positive family relationship exists, and a negative or no relationship exists...plus cultural ideas and differences on parental obligation. Very interesting to me. As I said earlier, I quit letting my parents even IN my house when I lived near them. Just easier to head to the park than listen to the barrage of negativity for weeks after. Sounds like some would be positively aghast at the thought of the reality I live. I wish I was one of you. I really, truly, wholeheartedly do. :crying: I was like that for a few years when I was younger. I do know what it is like. I threw my mom out of my house twice! After 15 years we have worked that out. It took changes from me and her. Even now, we have had to tell them they are not welcome to live here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I probably would have invited them to stay or let them know there wasn't enough food to feed everyone because it was unplanned. Then I think your parents should have invited your family out for dinner. It depends on your family though. I got into a sticky situation this summer with my parents because I wanted them to ask me before they brought my neices across country to stay for 2 weeks in my house. Very messy. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I would like my parents and in laws to come here. It is so much easier than taking a baby or toddler to their houses. All the parents in my circle usually insist that their kids go to their house and then complain if they haven't seen the grandkids. Well thank goodness someone else said this first; I was starting to get a complex reading this thread! My parents and in-laws RARELY come to my house to visit, much less have a meal. Dh and I are expected to visit with them at THEIR house, always. And yes, they do complain that they don't see the grandkids enough. All of them complain; dh's parents are divorced and remarried, and my parents live and hour away. So, since they so rarely come over to our house, it feels very odd to have them here. I mean, it's nice, but it's so rare that it's weird. And to be honest, I don't think I've ever, EVER had the pleasure of hosting them for dinner, outside of big birthday parties for the kids. You know, I wonder if I shouldn't just up and invite them. It's just that it's an unspoken rule that all kids from my generation in the family go to the older generation's house for visits. Just the way it is. But you know, it'd be fun to host them for dinner. Well, mil and stepfil probably couldn't come, since mil's health is so bad. but stepmil and fil could come; they literally live around the corner! Thanks for giving me an idea; I think I'll invite stepmil and fil over for dinner soon. I think they just might like that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemykids Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 No, I would not consider that to be rude. In fact, I think it would be rude not to invite them to eat dinner. If not having enough was an issue, I'd say, "Well, we don't really have much to offer... it's pretty slim pickin's around here, but you are welcome to share what we have." Give them a little dab and do it with a smile. After all, you never know what tomorrow brings. Who knows you will even have them tomorrow? I'd cherish the moment, eat less myself and be thankful I had parents that wanted to spend time with me. That's something that not everyone has, by the way. :001_smile: These are my thoughts as well. However, I completely get where you are coming from. But- My mother doesn't have to ask, I usually ask her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Rude? Probably, but I've been known to do that with my parents any times before! :-) If you don't want them to eat with you, I'd just say, "Oh Mom, we'd love to have you for dinner tonight, but I didn't make enough chili. Let's do dinner next week when I can make a better plan." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Rude? Probably, but I've been known to do that with my parents any times before! :-) If you don't want them to eat with you, I'd just say, "Oh Mom, we'd love to have you for dinner tonight, but I didn't make enough chili. Let's do dinner next week when I can make a better plan." Good point. I am on a restricted diet and ended up at my mom's house too late. She was so gracious in cooking some things from scratch so that I could eat. My parents have also come to my house specifically to help me. My mom organizes and decorates and my dad works on computers. They always offer to leave (DH hates having company on any day but Saturday), or get take out. :) Anyway, this has made me think that I need to be just as gracious and polite in return. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I think this depends on your relationship. If my father came for the afternoon and didn't know he could stay for dinner I'd be offended (he doesn't need an invitation). However, if this was a friend or relative that I didn't really know well, I'd assume they'd leave before the dinner hour if dinner hadn't been part of the invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iluvmy4blessings Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Yes, we ALWAYS have lots of pasta and jarred sauce in the cupboard and several bags of ravioli in the freezer. You can feed anybody with that. IF I have zuccini and mushrooms, I'll saute those to add, or else I'd just run to the store quick. I would have said as they walked in the door, "Hey, are you guys staying for dinner? We can have spaghetti or I can run to the store quick?" This is a good suggestion about always having pasta and sauce on hand for those unexpected times. Of course if they come daily they will be getting spaghetti daily! LOL..but this is such a good idea that I'm going to actually do this from now on. I'm going to keep a stash of pasta and sauce on hand for those unexpected times that people just show up at dinner time. I have not read all the replies to the OP's question but I did read quite a few. I want to add my 2 cents . I think most people who replied are assuming that the OP has a decent relationship with her parents. I also think that most people who have these great relationships with their parents also know their parents would not show up on a daily basis at dinnertime without offering to bring some salad or bread. I also think that if the OP is feeling this way it is no doubt b/c the relationship is complicated. So I can't compare apples to oranges . Someone who has a great relationship with their parents is going to think it's absurd you would not invite your parents to dinner. Someone who has a complicated and maybe even dysfuntional relationship with parents may be in a completely different situation. Yes it appears on surface level that it's absurd to not want your parents over for dinner every night. Then again we don't all know each other's parents. It does not mean someone is not grateful to their parents but it does mean that they may not be in the same situation as the rest of us. Some people have boundary issues and in order for a relationship to work those boundaries must be in place. It is tough to have a parent that does not respect the natural boundaries. I am sure that it would be great if we all had parents we could have over every day all day without sparking more problems as a result. However, we must be aware to the fact that we cannot respond to someone about how we would handle a situation when we seriously do not have the same situation as them. For those individuals who have serious boundary issues with a parent, relative or friend there is a book called Boundaries by Henry Cloud available at most Christian bookstores which is helpful. I am not saying OP has this situation just throwing it out there in case. I am also not saying that a parent coming to dinner on a daily basis is a boundary issue . It depends on the parent, the relationship, the issues involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supertechmom Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Okay, I feel bad now. But that's probably what I needed. To answer the questions, yes the relationship is complicated. It's my mom and stepdad (who I am not close to at all). I feel like when they come over they are there to be served. By me. It's a major effort for me to have them here... as I feel they are not pleased unless they are served (even getting water... they would not help themselves, they want to be asked and served) I've had a stressful week, which my mom knows, and she even told me they were stopping by because she sensed I was down this week. That's why I felt it was rude that she would expect a dinner invite... that's adds more stress to my plate, but I guess she doesn't view it that way. They would not be happy if I offered cereal or chicken nuggets (which is what we had for dinner tonight). Looking back, I should have at least offered to get a pizza. Honestly i just didn't feel like serving them tonight because of other things I've been dealing with that are stressful, plus I'm getting my period, plus my husband was working late, so it would be me handling everything. Oh, and I'm not a great cook. I really don't know how I would have thrown stuff together at the last minute. I have rice, but I don't have enough veggies even in the freezer to go with it. I don't have beans. I'm just not good about that sort of thing. When I normally invite them to dinner, it's a huge effort... preparing the menu, etc. because they like good food, and I can always tell when my mom doesn't think it's good enough because she won't say anything about the food. But again... I could have ordered pizza. Well, I'll do better next time. I hate you feel bad. I wouldn't have. Yes I do expect everyone including close family to call and let me know they are coming and their intent when they do - stay for an hour, go off someplace, eat dinner whatever. I find it horribly rude not to. But then we deal with stepparents (or revolving new humans as we call them) quite a bit. So it's never just family. It's mom and her new whoever, Dad and his latest conquest, Sis and sleeping buddy, Mil and her not live in just the guy she sleeps with every night. So I deal with the family and then some stranger to entertain. And yes, they do feel that I should wait upon them hand and foot even when pregnant and sick with ivs installed. Think Christmas morning at 7:30 with mil and lover plopping down at the table expecting a full breakfast meal while they hold hands and chuckle over how disorganized the house is. (WITHOUT A FREAKING NOTICE) Now add to this, We are on a very strict and regimented diet including when we eat and how much each child consumes. (I have to keep some kind of track as they are so underweight from being so sick before the diet) NO wheat, rye, barely, oats, grits, dairy, cheese, milk, soy in the HOUSE. EVER. We've eaten this way for a long time. WE are used to it. No one else is. So stopping in for an unannounced visit means I have NOTHING in the house to feed anyone else. I served one meal one time of rice pasta and sauce due to the OP's very same situation and mil choked down two bites and her guy threw it out and said they would eat on the way home. Now I had to stretch that food and eat very little to make it work and not skimp on their portions. Not to mention the $4.50 price tag on that itty bitty bag of pasta. The next unannounced pop in during MY Dinner time was spent with mil watching me cook while I told her I didn't have food that accommodated her and boy toy and her lack of planning didn't give me a chance to accomplish that. If she wanted to eat with me, learn to use the phone and make plans. :glare: To the op I wouldn't have invited them to dinner. I would have said I need to get dinner ready so we can eat. Bye! And I wouldn't feel bad about it. At some point, family has to grow up and be adults too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Well we do have friends that will treat us like a restaurant. They'll go out shopping all day and then when its around dinner time they will call us and and actually ask if we will have them for dinner. This I do think is rude because they have 3 kids and I like to cook just enough food to feed our family. We can usually spare a guest or two without anyone suffering. What I hate the most about this family is that the husband will very vocally let me knoiw that there isn't enough food. So not only are they rude by inviting themselves over for dinner but they insult me as well for something they didn't even give me time to prepare for. When it comes to family though, I will totally disagree. If my mom is over in the afternoon not only am I ok about her staying over for dinner without invite or notice, but I will actually insist that she stay for dinner. I would do this with any family member because for me having family over isn't like any other visit. It's special to me and I like having them around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Okay, I feel bad now. But that's probably what I needed. To answer the questions, yes the relationship is complicated. It's my mom and stepdad (who I am not close to at all). I feel like when they come over they are there to be served. By me. It's a major effort for me to have them here... as I feel they are not pleased unless they are served (even getting water... they would not help themselves, they want to be asked and served) I've had a stressful week, which my mom knows, and she even told me they were stopping by because she sensed I was down this week. That's why I felt it was rude that she would expect a dinner invite... that's adds more stress to my plate, but I guess she doesn't view it that way. They would not be happy if I offered cereal or chicken nuggets (which is what we had for dinner tonight). Looking back, I should have at least offered to get a pizza. Honestly i just didn't feel like serving them tonight because of other things I've been dealing with that are stressful, plus I'm getting my period, plus my husband was working late, so it would be me handling everything. Oh, and I'm not a great cook. I really don't know how I would have thrown stuff together at the last minute. I have rice, but I don't have enough veggies even in the freezer to go with it. I don't have beans. I'm just not good about that sort of thing. When I normally invite them to dinner, it's a huge effort... preparing the menu, etc. because they like good food, and I can always tell when my mom doesn't think it's good enough because she won't say anything about the food. But again... I could have ordered pizza. Well, I'll do better next time. :grouphug: I'm sensing too many formalities between you and your mom. That's your mom. If your stressed give her a hug and let her hug you back. Don't feel bad when she doesn't like your cooking. Mine doesn't like my cooking either. I figure she can eat whatever she wants when she's at home but when she's over at my house then she can put up with my food for 1 measly little meal. I'm sure spending time with me and the kids, and the good coffee we have afterwards, is worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 (edited) You can't say to your parents, "Mom, Dad, I'd love to invite you to stay for dinner but what I have planned won't stretch far enough and my food budget won't let me order a pizza in tonight."? :iagree: Then if your parents' motivation was just the hope to spend more time with the family, maybe they'd volunteer to pay for the pizza! Seriously, I have a wonderful friend who often seems to be doing this....hanging out long after they probably should have gone home.....and I'm sorry but my DH really appreciates his dinner being ready when he gets home (ok, so does my alarm clock stomach, lol).....so I've said "Well, I hate to break up this wonderful discussion, but I have to get dinner started, but hopefully we can get together again soon." All while walking towards the front door, lol. I figure if they can be obvious in their motivations, I can return the favor. I have had said friend "oh what are you having" and had to reply that "I wish I could invite you to stay but there isn't enough". If they can hint about staying, I can certainly hint about leaving! Family.....hmmmm, I wonder if that would be different? I might feel a little more comfortable telling them flat out it's time for them to leave so I can make dinner and that I can't invite them to stay because there isn't enough thawed meat or whatever......or after a child made that comment, I'd probably come out and point blank say "well we'd love to have grandma and grandpa stay if they're buying dinner!" Maybe now, after the fact, you could talk to your mom about how badly you felt about not being able to invite them.....and if they wanted to come to dinner then perhaps they could make their intentions clearer the next time they visit so that you can plan the meal appropriately. I know budget may have had a lot to do with no-invite, but at least if you knew ahead of time you could plan a low cost meal that would stretch to two more mouths. It's amazing how some meals can stretch when you throw in another veggie side dish and salad.....of course it's harder when the meal is individual pieces (like chicken or pork chops or something). Edited September 18, 2009 by ConnieB Ughh...another case of should have read the other responses before responding....sounds like my ideas won't work, sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Maybe you could keep some prepared food in the freezer for emergencies? I'm not sure how often this happens (would affect my advice in terms of shopping/cooking suggestions such as cooking up larger quantities and eating leftovers the next day), but I think it's probably better for you to make it work somehow without giving someone cereal or refusing to feed your mom. Food is really not that expensive -- a pot of beans costs much less than chicken nuggets, so if money is tight, you might want to consider ways to eat more food for cheaper. Maybe your mom misses you, and you should take the bull by the horns (er....cow?) and start inviting her for dinner, so that you set the schedule and are prepared accordingly. And if your parents like to be waited on, maybe you could train your kids to attend to their needs; I am sure your mom would feel loved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 They fed you enough meals for years - and I am sure as a kid/teen you did not like every meal - so for pete's sake let them stay for dinner. If there is not much food or they do not like it, maybe they will either not try and stay again, or offer to order a pizza or take-out next time, or show up with a casserole....anyway, I imagine they really want to stay and be part of the family meal and enjoy the family rather than have the usual meal with just the two of them. Someday you will be the older person at one of your kid's homes....you want them to remember how you treated Grandma and Grandpa and let YOU stay for dinner, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccmom Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 It depends on your relationship with your parents. If the relationship is strained, then I can certainly understand the problem. I have a MIL who criticizes everything. She would criticize any meal I made her. She can be very difficult and if she showed up often expecting to have dinner with us, I would have to object. My mom, who passed away 10 years ago, would be a different story. I would love to have her for dinner. My dad also. It all depends. If you have a good relationship with your parents, you should talk to them about it (tactfully). Remember that your parents love you and want to be a part of your family's life. Something to consider: When you were young, did your parents entertain their parents for dinner? Did your mom open up her house to them anytime? Maybe she is looking at it from her perspective. My dad always tells me that I am welcome to come anytime and it's never a stressful thing about entertaining for dinner because it's the company that counts, not the food. Just my 2 cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 No, I would not consider that to be rude. In fact, I think it would be rude not to invite them to eat dinner. If not having enough was an issue, I'd say, "Well, we don't really have much to offer... it's pretty slim pickin's around here, but you are welcome to share what we have." Give them a little dab and do it with a smile. After all, you never know what tomorrow brings. Who knows you will even have them tomorrow? I'd cherish the moment, eat less myself and be thankful I had parents that wanted to spend time with me. That's something that not everyone has, by the way. :001_smile: :iagree: And that extends to everyone, not just parents. I will always be hospitable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 :iagree: There are many times I honestly don't know how many teenagers will emerge from my basement when dinners on. They show up, come in the basement door, and wander upstairs when they smell food. I live 500 miles away from any family, but when we lived close I would have expected my parents or in-laws to stay for dinner if they were there in the afternoon. When my brother was in high school, one of his friends came in the kitchen, rummaged around in the pantry, took the last Poptart, and then went to the fridge and wrote "Poptarts" on the grocery list hanging there!:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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