Okay, no passing the bean dip on this one...

[HeatherLynn]

I need real responses to respond to someone who thinks HS is absolutely ignorant. Do you have a great response to shut people up? The ones who think being in a PS 8 hours a day is VITAL for a child's development?

Edited July 16, 2009 by HeatherLynn

[Nakia]

How about "Mind your own business!"

 

I am serious. I don't have any tolerance for people who try to tell me how to parent my own children.

[4kiddies]

:lurk5:

[nukeswife]

How about "Mind your own business!"

 

I am serious. I don't have any tolerance for people who try to tell me how to parent my own children.

 

:iagree:

[Desert Rat]

I'm with Nakia. Better yet, I wouldn't even respond. I'd get up and walk away or stare at with a stupid look on my face. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but everyone is not entitled to thrust that opinion on others. If completely ignoring the comment didn't work (I have a hard time keeping my trap shut) I would look at her and say, "We'll have to agree to disagree on this subject." You won't change her mind so it's best to not discuss it further.

Good luck!

[jenL]

I'm with Nakia. Better yet, I wouldn't even respond. I'd get up and walk away or stare at with a stupid look on my face. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but everyone is not entitled to thrust that opinion on others. If completely ignoring the comment didn't work (I have a hard time keeping my trap shut) I would look at her and say, "We'll have to agree to disagree on this subject." You won't change her mind so it's best to not discuss it further.

Good luck!

 

:iagree:

[HeatherLynn]

That is what I finally did. I just said we would just have to agree to disagree. It just makes me so mad when someone keeps coming at you with uneducated stereotypical babble about how it is sheltering and keeping them from being able to function in the real world.

[vkay]

HS is absolutely ignorant

 

Is that their actual wording?? Then maybe something along the lines of, "Yes, if you are ignorant on the subject then I can see how it would seem ignorant to you."

[2_girls_mommy]

If it is a stranger I do the silent treatment thing. I have done it before to people who made comments to me in the store after hearing we homeschool.

 

If it is someone like a family member that I love and respect and want to be proud of me it is harder. I would have to go with the agree to disagree statement. Or let them know that I have my children's best interest at heart and surely they don't think I am going into anything without having done my research and coming to the conclusion that this is the best option. And then end it with, we will have to agree to disagree on this one.

[HeatherLynn]

By the way, this is a public school teacher.

[HeatherLynn]

Is that their actual wording?? Then maybe something along the lines of, "Yes, if you are ignorant on the subject then I can see how it would seem ignorant to you."

 

Oh yes, exact wording. I went on to site that they were obviously uneducated on the subject of homeschooling and they went on to recite to me all their "education" from college in child development and so forth.

[BillieBoy]

I noticed you are from Texas. To be a complete a** you could say "I have a higher standard of education than a state whose public schools rank 33rd in a Nation that ranks 15th in the world!". But that is if you want to be an a**.:blush:

[CatMomof3]

I noticed you are from Texas. To be a complete a** you could say "I have a higher standard of education than a state whose public schools rank 33rd in a Nation that ranks 15th in the world!". But that is if you want to be an a**.:blush:

 

:iagree:

[2_girls_mommy]

Or mention that the fact that homeschoolers do so much better on test scores, including SATs. You could brush up on your data at Dr. Brian Ray's site. Can't remember the name of the org, but it will come up by googling his name.

[LinRTX]

When I started homeschooling many (many) years ago, I had an older lady tell me how I was ruining my son. She kept at me for about 30 minutes. She finally told me (when I used the argument that socialization would actually be better because he would be around all ages) that in real life we only interact with people the same age as we are. I looked at this lady who was my mother's age and politely told her we could not possibly be having this conversation since we obviously were not the same age. She gave me a blank look and finally had nothing to say. I took my son and continued to school him.

 

Linda

[newlifemom]

NHERI is the name I believe.

[HeatherLynn]

I noticed you are from Texas. To be a complete a** you could say "I have a higher standard of education than a state whose public schools rank 33rd in a Nation that ranks 15th in the world!". But that is if you want to be an a**.:blush:

 

OMG! I love you right now! I am going to have to slip that in at some point because I *know* this will come up again!

[AnneGabe]

If they refused to just agree to disagree and kept bringing it up I'd probably say something like, "I'm not going to talk about schooling with you" or simply, "homeschooling is best for my child" and refuse to respond to his/her attempts at continuing the debate.

[DawnM]

Well, someone is ignorant, but it isn't you. Ask her to do a 10 page report on the educational and societal advantages of public school vs. homeschooling with supporting evidence and get back to you. As her to use at least 5 John Taylor Gatto references in her work.

 

Dawn

(A ps teacher!)

 

I need real responses to respond to someone who thinks HS is absolutely ignorant. Do you have a great response to shut people up? The ones who think being in a PS 8 hours a day is VITAL for a child's development?

[Joanne]

The actual "Bean Dip" isn't about changing the subject. It's about boundaries.

 

Who is this person to you? Why do you feel the need to engage in diaologue? What are you willling to *do* to back up your "be quiet" command?

[Kathleen in VA]

A few things ran through my head - especially when I read she is a ps teacher. First off, a lot of ps teachers feel threatened by homeschoolers, as if they think people homeschool because the teachers are so awful. Your "friend" is exhibiting symptoms of someone who feels insecure about herself and is acting very defensively. I might throw in a comment here and there about how difficult the job of a ps school teacher is and how much the system demands of them and how nearly impossible it is to teach well under such a beauraucratic system - kind of exaggerate her plight. Sympathize with her and praise her for undertaking such a difficult career. Then you can move on to how you researched homeschooling extensively and decided that since a low student/teacher ratio is one of the keys to educational success you decided homeschooling was the way to go.

 

Some other things ran through my head as well.:D If she acts rude or antagonistic I would have to move on to the more direct approach that others have mentioned. It really isn't any of her business at. all. If she persists in giving you grief you could say something like, "Last time I checked they were my children." Or if she says homeschooling is ignorant or that ps is better you could say, "You think that if it brings you comfort," and then smile sweetly and change the subject.

 

I also suggest that you recommend the book The Underground History of American Education by John Taylor Gatto (he has a website, too, where she can read it right online.) Gatto was New York State Teacher of the Year for at least one year and his insider's perspective of the ps system cannot be argued with.

[HeatherLynn]

A few things ran through my head - especially when I read she is a ps teacher. First off, a lot of ps teachers feel threatened by homeschoolers, as if they think people homeschool because the teachers are so awful. Your "friend" is exhibiting symptoms of someone who feels insecure about herself and is acting very defensively. I might throw in a comment here and there about how difficult the job of a ps school teacher is and how much the system demands of them and how nearly impossible it is to teach well under such a beauraucratic system - kind of exaggerate her plight. Sympathize with her and praise her for undertaking such a difficult career. Then you can move on to how you researched homeschooling extensively and decided that since a low student/teacher ratio is one of the keys to educational success you decided homeschooling was the way to go.

 

Some other things ran through my head as well.:D If she acts rude or antagonistic I would have to move on to the more direct approach that others have mentioned. It really isn't any of her business at. all. If she persists in giving you grief you could say something like, "Last time I checked they were my children." Or if she says homeschooling is ignorant or that ps is better you could say, "You think that if it brings you comfort," and then smile sweetly and change the subject.

 

I also suggest that you recommend the book The Underground History of American Education by John Taylor Gatto (he has a website, too, where she can read it right online.) Gatto was New York State Teacher of the Year for at least one year and his insider's perspective of the ps system cannot be argued with.

 

Very good suggestions. I did everything I could to praise public school and emphasize that this is what *we* feel is best. He (yes, a male) continued to spout off about Rhodes Scholars not being homeschooled and this stuff about homeschoolers being social mis-fits and so on. He said he think *I* have great children, but they are the exception, not the rule.

 

I just think there is no changing his opinion. Since he is a PS teacher, he definitely feels it is a personal attack to HS my children. He claims he has read Gatto's work (I offered to let him borrow mine) but I absolutely don't believe him.

[HRAAB]

This person sounds like they are not open minded nor do they want to learn about homeschooling. In a case like this, my time is too precious to spend on them. So if it's a person I see frequently, it would be 'pass the bean dip. Otherwise, there are other people with which I would rather spend my time.

 

Janet

[MOM24WONDERS]

You could say something like, "After giving birth to these children, we decided WE would raise them and not the government. I've seen the village and I don't want it anywhere near my kids."

 

For family, I normally say something like, "Everyone has to make choices in life. We've simply made a different choice than you - we respect your choice, have the decency to respect ours."

 

It's really hard not to come back with an ugly response when someone is trying to goad you into an argument. The best thing is just to refuse to argue with them.

 

People who talk about subjects that they know absolutely nothing about infuriate me. It shows their ignorance and I don't feel like I have to defend myself against their stupidity.

[Kathleen in VA]

Very good suggestions. I did everything I could to praise public school and emphasize that this is what *we* feel is best. He (yes, a male) continued to spout off about Rhodes Scholars not being homeschooled and this stuff about homeschoolers being social mis-fits and so on. He said he think *I* have great children, but they are the exception, not the rule.

 

I just think there is no changing his opinion. Since he is a PS teacher, he definitely feels it is a personal attack to HS my children. He claims he has read Gatto's work (I offered to let him borrow mine) but I absolutely don't believe him.

 

Well, it seems this person is not willing to listen to reason so I'm afraid there is very little you can do. If it comes up in future conversations just remind him that it truly is none of his business. I heard in a movie once someone say, "I'm sure it's none of your business," in a very matter-of-fact way. I really liked it and have used it on occasion. You could also add, "so let's just move on to the next topic, thanks."

 

Unfortunately, there are great many people, especially in the schools, that think everyone's children are their business - the whole "it takes a village" baloney. If he insists that it is his business for whatever lame reason, that's the time to use the "You think that if it brings you comfort," line or "Yes, you've made that clear. So, what about those Redskins? (fill in your hometown team).:D You just need to take control of the conversation and keep directing it to another topic.

Edited July 16, 2009 by Kathleen in VA
left out a word

[Dobela]

I am a former public school teacher and I was at one time extremely opposed to homeschooling. I would have said many of the same thigns to you that this one did. Part of it is the continuous indoctrination that we are trained, had years of education so therefore we are better. It has nothing to do with defensiveness or insecurity. Unless the teacher has heard too many times how terrible that school they teach in is.

 

The big reason I despised homeschoolers is because I only saw the failures in public school. The kids were back in public school because courts intervened (usually due to abuse or neglect), parents didn't really try to educate their kids, parents couldn't handle the commitment, or homeschool was a cop out or an excuse to not do anything (like the mom who was a prostitute and didn't want to get up early in the morning to get her kids off to school because it was a hassle). Many people pull kids out with no intention of homeschooling them properly. Or they pull them out to avoid dealing with the school over truancy or other problems. And those kids come back further behind than they left. Some are weird, but some kids who have always attended public school are also weird. Some have strange families that are extremists (in about any direction - not just religious). That is true of nonhomeschooled families as well. However, as a public school teacher that was all I saw it it made a terrible picture of reality.

 

It just never dawned on me that the reason I never saw succesful homeschooling families was because the successful ones don't return to public school (I know some successful ones do return to public school, but those were not as common as the rotten ones-and they are not as memorable). Because all I saw were the extreme cases, I had an extreme view of homeschooling. It took me several years to have a change of heart and opinion.

 

Yes, the ps teacher has a biased view. If he is not willing to listen to reasonable discussion, then just say that you will have to agree to disagree and then take the high road. A single conversation is not going to change their view - only time and exposure to great homeschooling families.

[Mom In Missouri]

With all of her stereotypical babble...

 

Who is she trying to convince? Herself or you? Or did she have an audience other than you?

[Hillary in KS]

I am a former public school teacher and I was at one time extremely opposed to homeschooling. I would have said many of the same thigns to you that this one did. Part of it is the continuous indoctrination that we are trained, had years of education so therefore we are better. It has nothing to do with defensiveness or insecurity. Unless the teacher has heard too many times how terrible that school they teach in is.

 

The big reason I despised homeschoolers is because I only saw the failures in public school. The kids were back in public school because courts intervened (usually due to abuse or neglect), parents didn't really try to educate their kids, parents couldn't handle the commitment, or homeschool was a cop out or an excuse to not do anything (like the mom who was a prostitute and didn't want to get up early in the morning to get her kids off to school because it was a hassle). Many people pull kids out with no intention of homeschooling them properly. Or they pull them out to avoid dealing with the school over truancy or other problems. And those kids come back further behind than they left. Some are weird, but some kids who have always attended public school are also weird. Some have strange families that are extremists (in about any direction - not just religious). That is true of nonhomeschooled families as well. However, as a public school teacher that was all I saw it it made a terrible picture of reality.

 

It just never dawned on me that the reason I never saw succesful homeschooling families was because the successful ones don't return to public school (I know some successful ones do return to public school, but those were not as common as the rotten ones-and they are not as memorable). Because all I saw were the extreme cases, I had an extreme view of homeschooling. It took me several years to have a change of heart and opinion.

 

Yes, the ps teacher has a biased view. If he is not willing to listen to reasonable discussion, then just say that you will have to agree to disagree and then take the high road. A single conversation is not going to change their view - only time and exposure to great homeschooling families.

 

:iagree:

 

This has been my experience too. (Though I was fortunate to have met several wonderful homeschooling families at church while I was still a teacher, so I learned that it *could* be done.

[mommaduck]

OY! Are you on the same thread elsewhere that I'm on?! I'm getting the "you would want a doctor to take out your appendix, wouldn't you?", "The research shows that home-school families are most likely to be concerned for their children's education, and are least likely to have adequate information about it.", and how homeschooling is dangerous (maybe a threat to their job market? ;) ). Oh, and one of the posters isn't from the US, thus tossing the "why aren't the good citizens demanding changes of your government" type nastiness.

[Dirtroad]

Is that their actual wording?? Then maybe something along the lines of, "Yes, if you are ignorant on the subject then I can see how it would seem ignorant to you."

 

OOOOOOO, I like it!!!:iagree:

[chiguirre]

I need real responses to respond to someone who thinks HS is absolutely ignorant. Do you have a great response to shut people up? The ones who think being in a PS 8 hours a day is VITAL for a child's development?

 

If your kids have been in school, you could try my standard reply to any antagonistic inquiries. "We had to choose between hsing and hiring a lawyer," tends to shut people up completely. If your experience wasn't THAT bad, you could still use the "BTDT wouldn't do it again" argument pretty effectively.

 

OTOH, I've gotten lots of complimentary comments about my hsed ds from the ps teachers and therapists who've had him in activities or speech. They're not all anti-hsing.

[BalanceSeeker]

I'd probably say something like "there are, indeed, advantages and disadvantages to every form of education, and I've considered them carefully."

 

I always had the "argument" that I had to pull dd out of school because she fell so far behind, and how she is now caught up to grade level because of hs.

 

My dc have to go to public (charter) school next year because of finances, the economy, and the fact that I have the recession-proof job, not dh :glare:. I will be afterschooling them so the same thing doesn't happen to dd who slipped through the cracks big time.

 

Anyway, as we were interviewing one possible school's principle, she actually said, "we believe homeschooling is the very best thing you can do for your child, but if that is not possible, we offer a nurturing environment here..." I couldn't believe what I had just heard!

 

So, truly, it is IGNORANT for a person to see black or white pertaining to the advantages/disadvantages of hs or ps. What is right for one dc may not be the best thing for another, DUH!

[Perry]

"We had to choose between hsing and hiring a lawyer,"

 

I love this! And it's very close to the truth. I'll be using this one.

[Karen sn]

I would simply tell her, "I am not impressed with what I see going on in public schools. Thank you for your concern. Have a nice day."......as I walk away without letting her get another word in edgewise.

[HeatherLynn]

OY! Are you on the same thread elsewhere that I'm on?! I'm getting the "you would want a doctor to take out your appendix, wouldn't you?", "The research shows that home-school families are most likely to be concerned for their children's education, and are least likely to have adequate information about it.", and how homeschooling is dangerous (maybe a threat to their job market? ;) ). Oh, and one of the posters isn't from the US, thus tossing the "why aren't the good citizens demanding changes of your government" type nastiness.

 

LOL, nope. I haven't gotten that argument yet. Geez, I can't wait. Now I'll be prepared.

[OHGrandma]

Very good suggestions. I did everything I could to praise public school and emphasize that this is what *we* feel is best. He (yes, a male) continued to spout off about Rhodes Scholars not being homeschooled and this stuff about homeschoolers being social mis-fits and so on. He said he think *I* have great children, but they are the exception, not the rule.

 

I just think there is no changing his opinion. Since he is a PS teacher, he definitely feels it is a personal attack to HS my children. He claims he has read Gatto's work (I offered to let him borrow mine) but I absolutely don't believe him.

 

Tell him you appreciate that he thinks your children are doing well in their education, but you do not discuss other peoples failures, that's gossip. If he wants to hear more about your children, you'll tell him what they're doing, but you will not discuss other peoples choices on educating their children.

[stripe]

In all fairness towards cultures where the "village" is involved in supporting individuals and families in things like teaching kids how to fish or lending a cup of sugar or taking a neighbor's kid along on a fun outing, where grandmas and aunties sometimes make dinner and keep the kids overnight, and are concerned with supporting a parent's parenting of their own child(ren), by keeping an eye on things as back-up rather than taking over or dictating how things are to happen, I don't think that comment could be perceived as anything but hostile (especially towards Hillary Clinton rather than the actual cultures who have strong community, which is silly), so I wouldn't advise using it at all.

 

But I don't want to detract from your thread.

 

It sounds like this person a relative, doctor, or neighbor or otherwise someone you are regularly involved with, so you cannot just be rude and turn on your heel and never encounter him again, but I would consider asking that person, since you've already had so many discussions about this, including lots of "best evidence" type, if there is any way he sees this discussion ending other than with you agreeing to send your kids to public school? (I don't really understand why being in private school 8 hrs a day wouldn't "socialize" them as well, but ....) In other words, is there really a point to your discussions?

[keptwoman]

I'm afraid I can't be bothered with plonkers like this, I'd use this:

Is that their actual wording?? Then maybe something along the lines of, "Yes, if you are ignorant on the subject then I can see how it would seem ignorant to you."

Followed by this.

 

 

How about "Mind your own business!"

 

I am serious. I don't have any tolerance for people who try to tell me how to parent my own children.

 

And after that simply refuse to discuss it.

[Orthodox6]

I don't know what to say. [gigantic, resounding SIGH . . . .] I receive this line of assault just as often as I receive ignoramus attacks against the proper use of psychiatric meds for a properly-diagnosed condition. I have to wage battle on both fronts for all these years. More and more frequently, I just bail out, rather than waste time on deaf ears.

[Remudamom]

I have been tempted at times to reply with "Oh, so maybe my child will turn out as well as yours did???? Pregnant/dopehead/in jail/married to someone who beats her?" Wow, where can I get me some of that???

[ThatCyndiGirl]

This isn't a homeschooling, public schooling or private schooling issue, imho.

 

This is a MANNERS issue. It is not okay for this person to continually berate you about the choices you have made. The same holds true for breast vs. bottle, circ, vax, etc.

 

 

It is just RUDE. I would say, "we can either agree to disagree.....or discontinue communication."

[swellmomma]

My response depends on the person. My kids Ped called me a coward yesterday when I told him ds5 will be homeschooling next year rather than going to ps. Said I was too scared to let him face the world. My response, You can't be a coward in my home, the kids smell the fear and attack. He changed the subject (to the fact my youngest is not vax'd- yeah it was not a nice visit)

[Jennefer@SSA]

I am a former public school teacher and I was at one time extremely opposed to homeschooling. I would have said many of the same thigns to you that this one did. Part of it is the continuous indoctrination that we are trained, had years of education so therefore we are better. It has nothing to do with defensiveness or insecurity. Unless the teacher has heard too many times how terrible that school they teach in is.

 

The big reason I despised homeschoolers is because I only saw the failures in public school. The kids were back in public school because courts intervened (usually due to abuse or neglect), parents didn't really try to educate their kids, parents couldn't handle the commitment, or homeschool was a cop out or an excuse to not do anything (like the mom who was a prostitute and didn't want to get up early in the morning to get her kids off to school because it was a hassle). Many people pull kids out with no intention of homeschooling them properly. Or they pull them out to avoid dealing with the school over truancy or other problems. And those kids come back further behind than they left. Some are weird, but some kids who have always attended public school are also weird. Some have strange families that are extremists (in about any direction - not just religious). That is true of nonhomeschooled families as well. However, as a public school teacher that was all I saw it it made a terrible picture of reality.

 

It just never dawned on me that the reason I never saw succesful homeschooling families was because the successful ones don't return to public school (I know some successful ones do return to public school, but those were not as common as the rotten ones-and they are not as memorable). Because all I saw were the extreme cases, I had an extreme view of homeschooling. It took me several years to have a change of heart and opinion.

 

Yes, the ps teacher has a biased view. If he is not willing to listen to reasonable discussion, then just say that you will have to agree to disagree and then take the high road. A single conversation is not going to change their view - only time and exposure to great homeschooling families.

 

:iagree: This is almost exactly what I was going to post. In my 7 years of teaching ps I saw 6 homeschool families, the first 5 of whom did it horribly! They basically yanked their kids out of school b/c they were angry with something the school said or did and their kids watched the tv for the next year or so until the parents got sick of them sitting around the house and put them back in school. It was a disaster to say the very least. I thought all homeschoolers were nuts!

 

But then my 6th year of homeschooling I had a child walk in my class who had been homeschooled up to that point. Her mom had done it right in all respects - socially and academically. All 4 of her kids she put in school were intelligent, hard-working, kind, thoughtful, endearing, fun and just plain fantastic human beings. Through several conversations with this mom throughout the year (she was my room mom) I came to see what homeschooling was really all about. And I was amazed!

[johnandtinagilbert]

My response depends on the person. My kids Ped called me a coward yesterday when I told him ds5 will be homeschooling next year rather than going to ps. Said I was too scared to let him face the world. My response, You can't be a coward in my home, the kids smell the fear and attack. He changed the subject (to the fact my youngest is not vax'd- yeah it was not a nice visit)

 

Excellent response. Timely and right on target!

 

And you're changing peds, right? Sounds like he's not your kinda guy!

[Peek a Boo]

He claims he has read Gatto's work (I offered to let him borrow mine) but I absolutely don't believe him.

 

ok. so thousands of public school teachers were duped into thinking JTG was great enough to be teacher of the year --numerous times-- at the city and state level? so gatto doesn't know what he is talking about, and the teachers who supported him as being a great teacher are too stupid to figure that out?

 

Rhodes Scholar?

Then he won't like this:

 

Homeschooled Student Named Rhodes Scholar

:lol:

 

I don't mind feeding someone enough rope to hang themselves. :D

 

my typical answer to that is to say "you'll have to take up your anti-homeschooling issue with the colleges, because all the major universities have accepted homeschoolers --repeatedly-- so I'm guessing the colleges know something that you [ignorant friend] don't."

 

yeah... maybe he can teach MIT and Stanford a thing or two....

 

:tongue_smilie:

[Peek a Boo]

My response, You can't be a coward in my home, the kids smell the fear and attack.

 

i LOVE this!! :lol: ROTFLOL! :lol:

[swellmomma]

Excellent response. Timely and right on target!

 

And you're changing peds, right? Sounds like he's not your kinda guy!

 

Not yet, he spouts his opinions but it doesn't sway me. He has been our ped since ds was born and has stuck with us and been the only constant in the treatment of the kids special needs. I am going to look for a new ped, but not firing this one just yet.

[LUV2EDU]

I need real responses to respond to someone who thinks HS is absolutely ignorant. Do you have a great response to shut people up? The ones who think being in a PS 8 hours a day is VITAL for a child's development?

 

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

-Abraham Lincoln

[lgm]

I need real responses to respond to someone who thinks HS is absolutely ignorant. Do you have a great response to shut people up? The ones who think being in a PS 8 hours a day is VITAL for a child's development?

 

"Doesn't meet my moral standards. If I wanted my children to be able to curse like a sailor at the age of ten I'd be in public school in a heartbeat.":)

[Elizabeth Conley]

By the way, this is a public school teacher.

 

Noooo! I'm shocked!

 

:lol:

 

Who died and made this twit chief inquisitor? Consider the degree of entitlement you would have to possess in order to behave toward another has this person behaves toward you!

 

Do you need an answer, or do you need better boundaries? I'd respond with a confident smile and a subject change. Treat these remarks like flatulent discharges no proper lady would acknowledge. After all, that's pretty much what they are.