Robin M Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 What do you do when your kids swear? Especially when they know it is wrong. Admittedly I have a potty mouth sometimes and am making a concerted effort to no longer swear. But my nine year old has been doing this in front of his cub scout group and other places. I think he's doing it more to get attention than anything else. He already lost all his Godzilla movies, internet and wii privileges. I instituted a swear jar in which he will lose money if he swears and then won't be able to get monsters vs aliens when it comes out. Other than that I am at a loss. What are the consequences to your kids when they swear? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pongo Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 When you say swear, not all swears are created equal:) The worst I have heard out of my kids mouth is crap. Are we talking REAL swears? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 My kids are taught that everything we say and do should glorify God and swearing does not glorify God. Therefore, they do not swear. When I taught in a ps school, if a student swore in front of me they were required to make a list of 10 words they could have used instead of that swear word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I'd tell him that if he swears at a Cub Scout meeting, then he automatically misses the next meeting. If he swears in public, then he can't be in public for a while (so no movies, no ice cream stores, etc). This would be in addition to an unpleasant consequence. Perhaps copying words out of the dictionary so he has more choices? It doesn't matter if YOU swear. I mean, I drink whisky, but my kids don't! Like Pongo said, all swears are not created equal. I'm assuming you mean actual cuss words, but run-of-the-mill ones. If he had the nerve to do something like drop the f-bomb at a Cub Scout meeting, or actually swore at someone, I'd make sure he's living in a world full of sorry. No priviliges, none, and a public apology to those who were present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I think when the boys were younger, they were grounded to their rooms. I have to admit, it's not been much of an issue. There was a brief period of checking out words and the impact they would have on Mom and Dad, but it went away quickly. However, I don't know your situation at home but my dh does not swear and I do very infrequently. Now, if a dc makes a poor vocabulary choice, I hand them a dictionary and have them find me a more creative replacement word. Sometimes this exercise is funny, but they typically avoid it like the plague. If it makes you feel any better, a couple of years ago, the younger one said the older one had called him an a***ole. We asked the older one why. He explained that if anyone else called his younger brother that (and it was likely that they would) then the younger one would know what the word meant. How thoughtful. After all, it was only Christmas Eve and we had just returned from Mass.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 If it makes you feel any better, a couple of years ago, the younger one said the older one had called him an a***ole. We asked the older one why. He explained that if anyone else called his younger brother that (and it was likely that they would) then the younger one would know what the word meant. How thoughtful. After all, it was only Christmas Eve and we had just returned from Mass.:lol: The true Christmas spirit! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loupelou Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 If it makes you feel any better, a couple of years ago, the younger one said the older one had called him an a***ole. We asked the older one why. He explained that if anyone else called his younger brother that (and it was likely that they would) then the younger one would know what the word meant. How thoughtful. After all, it was only Christmas Eve and we had just returned from Mass.:lol: :rofl: Awesome! It looks like I am the meanest mom on the block. I can't recall actual swear words passing my dc's lips, they are afraid, very afraid! Anyway around her we get soap in the mouth for sassing, name calling, potty mouths etc. Needless to say it doesn't happen often. The older kids are grounded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 It doesn't matter if YOU swear. I mean, I drink whisky, but my kids don't! I disagree. I think it does matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 The only time I ever heard one of my boys swear, he was two years old, looking for a toy, and said, "Oh, ****! Can't find it!" My husband turned on me and said, "See! I told you! I told you!" A-hem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coralloyd Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 A little spoon full of apple cider vinegar, goes a long way.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I disagree. I think it does matter. Okay, let me reword. It doesn't EXCUSE the misbehavior, imo. He's well old enough to know that he can't do everything that his parents do, and to recognize public vs. private behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 What are the consequences to your kids when they swear? I have told my kids that they can swear at home if they feel it's necessary but that they are not to use foul language around people outside our family. If my son were swearing at his activities, he wouldn't go to them. I would tell him that if he can't behave himself, he stays home. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 We dont swear around the kids, so they dont hear it and dont say swear words. I think I would faint, and will faint when I do hear it. They would lose all electronic gadgets and i like the 10 word rule. For a teen should it be 100? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 What do you do when your kids swear? Especially when they know it is wrong. Admittedly I have a potty mouth sometimes and am making a concerted effort to no longer swear. But my nine year old has been doing this in front of his cub scout group and other places. I think he's doing it more to get attention than anything else. He already lost all his Godzilla movies, internet and wii privileges. I instituted a swear jar in which he will lose money if he swears and then won't be able to get monsters vs aliens when it comes out. Other than that I am at a loss. What are the consequences to your kids when they swear? Our swear jar is $10 bucks a swear, $20 for the f-bomb. We ALL have to pay it. Ds has only paid it once. Lesson learned quickly. :D Dh, on the other hand, has recently been funding a small country. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tricia Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 My kids get to write scriptures. We choose a good verse on holding the tongue, keeping the heart and mind clean, etc. and they copy and memorize that verse or verses many, many, times over. Usually about 25 to 50 times. Tricia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 O Dh, on the other hand, has recently been funding a small country. If we had a swear jar, that would be typical here too. dh can out-cuss a sailor. With as much as dh swears, I have always been on the lookout for seeing it my boys. I alert moms to keep an ear out for me, will listen around the corner out of eyesight, and have only had to correct the occasional 2-yo-repeating-a-cool-word stuff. They have done an AMAZING job of not picking up the regular uses of those words. It wasn't until I had my 4th --my little GIRL --Miss Princess!-- that i have had to constantly correct cussing. Who knew it would be the cute little girl!?? She doesn't cuss AT people, but I hear her using cuss words [correctly, in context, even the F-bomb] in her playing w/ her dolls. At this point I'm betting it's some way of processing it to deal w/ hearing her dad use it all the time. It obviously affects her much differently than it does the boys. As long as it stays in her play, I only offer gentle corrections and reminders to choose different words. i come down MUCH harder on relationship issues [bullying, excluding, selfishness, ingratitude, etc] than word issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Admittedly I have a potty mouth sometimes and am making a concerted effort to no longer swear. I think your own success at not swearing will have the biggest impact on whether or not your ds continues to swear, and I commend you for trying to change your own behavior. It's not easy to change the way you speak, but I know you can do it! :hurray: I'm sure your ds is a great kid, who is just swearing because it gets him attention and makes him feel like he's grown up, but many people (myself included) sometimes judge people a bit unkindly (and probably unfairly,) when they curse a lot, because it makes them sound uneducated and unrefined. I wouldn't want people to misjudge your ds because of a few foul words, so I hope you're able to convince him that people are impressed by a strong vocabulary -- but not by an extensive vocabulary of 4-letter words. I really hope you're able to solve this problem before it becomes a tough habit for your ds to break. I wish I had some suggestions for you, but it sounds like you're already on the right track. :grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 My kids know if they swear they will have to deal with me, and THAT is something no one is willing to risk. I have never had a kid swear in my presence. ( Kid under 18 that is, the older kids say "soft" swears on occasion now just to get my goat, but not in front of the younger ones and they still get a dirty look from me. ) The only swear words they were ever exposed to were on TV/ movies, I guess, and we started right away always commenting that THAT is language we just don't use. I never let a swear word be heard without acknowledging it as negative so that it would not become common and accepted to them. Of course, DH and I do not swear at all, let alone in front of the kids, so it was modeled to them that it is normal for an adult to get through life not resorting to that sort of language. I guess the point is, model the right behavior and then expect the same. I never had to deal with this because it was expected from the beginning that it was not allowed in our home. If the problem did come up, I would have removed privileges until I saw a change of heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jentancalann Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 It doesn't matter if YOU swear. I mean, I drink whisky, but my kids don't! It absolutely does matter. We are to be the examples that our children learn by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homeschooling6 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Dh and I don't swear so we don't have a problem with the kiddos swearing. We teach the children that it does not glorify God. I would think that if the parent stopped swearing it would be a positive thing for dc. Just tell the children that we are all going to work on it ;) I have had to do that in other areas. I told dc that mom getting mad and raising her voice is wrong and I am going to work on it. I told them that it doesn't please the Lord and read the scripture about it. I rarely raise my voice now and dc see that I'm not perfect but can change :) What about washing their mouth out with soap? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I disagree. I think it does matter. :iagree:I totally agree. If you expect your ds to clean up his mouth you will need to do the same. When you have the swear jar, do you put money in if you swear also? When I have done something, see my kids do the same thing and realize it is wrong and I have been the leader(trust me after 40+ yrs of child rearing this has happened a time or two) the first thing I do is ask for their forgiveness. I then make a commitment to do my best to not ........ and I want them to do the same. In the same way that I have the privilege of correcting them if they slip and do....... they also have the privilege of respectfully reminding me that I ...... If we want our children to be serious about making changes they have to see that we are also serious about making those changes. Now as far as swearing in front of the boy scout group, unless that is the only place he is doing this, (like he is using foul language there but not at home) I see not difference. I don't want my kids using bad language anyplace and one place isn't any better than another. God is at them all and He is the one that matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I explained to my boys about the different registers of language: some words are appropriate in some situations but not in others, some at one age, some at another. They have heard their father swear in moments of great stress, and I wouldn't rebuke them if they did something similar. Anything else is just treated as a failure of understanding of register, and is 'taught' not punished. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Ay my husband cusses in Spanish all. the.time. I tell him that just because it's in Spanish doesn't mean it's not cussing!! hehe I think I need to put a bar of soap in HIS mouth! My daughter has cussed before but mostly trying the word out because she doesn't really know what it means. I'll never forget the time I picked her up from YOUTH GROUP at a local church and she had a funny look on her face. She said she heard a word and didn't know what it meant. I asked her what the word was and out of my darling 8 year old's mouth came the "queen mother of all dirty words" to quote The Christmas Story. I was totally shocked! I told her that it was a really bad word and not to say it again ever. She kept asking, "but what does it mean." I told her, "I can't tell you. But just trust me... you don't to use that word." *Sigh* It's so hard trying to raise good kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 My dh cusses a LOT and doesn't even realize he does it sometimes!:D My boys, on the other hand, bleep their curse words. For example, my 8yo will say, "What the mmmmmm do you think you are doing?" Makes me NUTS!:glare: I used Apple Cider Vinegar with my oldest and now the smell of it makes him want to throw up!:lol: I just threaten him with it now (it isn't like I could MAKE my 6 ft. 16yo take it, but it gets the point across.) I wish dh just would stop swearing (and it is much better than when he was around the construction types all day!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted June 19, 2009 Author Share Posted June 19, 2009 (edited) Thanks guys, appreciate all the feedback. I like all your ideas including increasing the amount he looses from the swear jar, making him write bible verses, looking up alternative words to use in the dictionary, etc. We are making changes, because I can't expect him to behave properly if we don't mirror the behavior we want him to do. No swearing, no yelling, no whining, being polite, etc. Some days I feel like we have failed in teaching him any manners at all and are starting all over again. However, life has been a bit calmer since we disconnected the wii and no tv. Edited June 19, 2009 by Mytwoblessings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 When my son was about six, he started saying "what the hell" after hearing one of his friends say it. I told him that he clearly needed practice saying it correctly if he chose to say such things. He had to say "what the hell" in front of the bathroom mirror 100 times. It lost its shock value pretty quickly, and I haven't heard a swear word in several years. When he recently started using another (non-swear) inapppropriate word, I said, "Do you need to practice?" and he stopped. LOL! This also works like a charm for bad behavior (e.g. eye rolling, whining) and colloquial or repetitive words ("like," "you know," etc.). Practice seems to make the behavior disappear... ;-) Lisa What do you do when your kids swear? Especially when they know it is wrong. Admittedly I have a potty mouth sometimes and am making a concerted effort to no longer swear. But my nine year old has been doing this in front of his cub scout group and other places. I think he's doing it more to get attention than anything else. He already lost all his Godzilla movies, internet and wii privileges. I instituted a swear jar in which he will lose money if he swears and then won't be able to get monsters vs aliens when it comes out. Other than that I am at a loss. What are the consequences to your kids when they swear? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehogs4 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 my kids don't swear. they don't even want to hear bad words and get a bit disturbed when they hear them, but i'm not sure why this is. dh and i don't swear, nor do any of our companions (at least not in the company of children) and so that's the only explanation i can give. so maybe it does matter if you swear. "do as i say, not as i do" is not a valid teaching tool. it is a classic excuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Pretty much I get really quiet and furious. Quiet is much more menacing then if I yell (yelling is the thing I am working on!) Pretty much I emphasize how totally and complete unacceptable those words are and if I ever hear them again the world will just stop. This is so true. If I raise my voice they barely seem to hear me but when I am really mad I sort of growl through clenched teeth. This always gets their attention and they always tell me to stop yelling at them. When I point out that I am barely even talking they respond with yes, but you are doing it in a really mean tone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Well, my elders used dishsoap but I would be hesitant to try that now days. Maybe tabasco? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I'd tell him that if he swears at a Cub Scout meeting, then he automatically misses the next meeting. If he swears in public, then he can't be in public for a while (so no mov Or quote his scout laws at him. Hasn't he promised to be polite and considerate or something similar? Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Wow, I'm in awe! What a great idea! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtroad Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I have a friend who strongly relies on the old method of washing mouth out with ivory or some plain soap. She says wet it good & really did some into those molars. She claims it works like a charm. My kids haven't had trouble with it, but DH and I rarely swear. I think that makes a huge impact on them setting their own boundaries. However, if they have never heard a "new word" and ask me about it... I explain it and that is okay. I have even heard them repeat something Papaw said.... then we just talk. However, I this is parrot work & not really swearing. After the explanation.... use it again.... it is swearing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal in VA Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 a bar of soap in the mouth. It worked! No...she didn't swallow any soap. She had to place her tongue on it and when I was satisfied she got the message...she was allowed to rinse out. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I teach when it is appropriate and when it's not. Dh and I swear at times- though not badly by any means- so I feel it would be hypocritical to ban it altogether. But it better be used rarely and only under strong duress, or off with his male friends out of earshot of adults. It's not really a problem- they know when it's not appropriate, but I also try not to make too big a deal about it. And I try to keep a sense of humour about it. Ultimately, it's just a sound. We put meaning on it. The more we make a big thing out of it, the more many kids will be attracted to using it. But then, that's just my situation- in a different one, if my kids were influenced or of the inclination to push it past my comfort zone, I might respond differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I have only had a problem with one son swearing. I don't swear and my dh only swears if he has lost his temper, which is very, very rare. When my second son T was in K in ps, I think someone sat him down with a list of swear words, including the F bomb. He tried all of them out. His older brother was absolutely mortified one day when T was in the back yard swearing at a little boy on the other side of the stream also in his back yard. He came in and told me. I washed his mouth out with liquid soap (only time I've ever had to do that, but I was at my wit's end), put the baby in the stroller and we marched around the block. I made him ring their doorbell and apologize to the boy and his mother. Her reply floored me, "Oh, I'm so glad to meet you. We homeschool and have been praying for some friends for Nick." What? My son just cussed her son out like crazy, and without knowing us wants him for a friend for her ds? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 What do you do when your kids swear? Especially when they know it is wrong. Admittedly I have a potty mouth sometimes and am making a concerted effort to no longer swear. But my nine year old has been doing this in front of his cub scout group and other places. I think he's doing it more to get attention than anything else. He already lost all his Godzilla movies, internet and wii privileges. I instituted a swear jar in which he will lose money if he swears and then won't be able to get monsters vs aliens when it comes out. Other than that I am at a loss. What are the consequences to your kids when they swear? Kids learn best by modeling. I wouldn't expect them to do any differently than you do. So I think you need to sit down with your kid(s) and let them know that you have been wrong, and have taught them wrong by your behavior, and that you're all going to stop swearing together. If you make the change yourself, they will see that it is important to you. If they continue after that, I'd wash the bad words out of their mouths with a yummy liquid soap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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