xixstar Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Do you and your spouse work well together on home-improvement projects? Or any project that takes working together to get things done. We have a large project plan for this weekend and I'm not sure how well our marriage will survive it, lol. Wish us luck Or just hope my labor starts and I have a good excuse to get out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Depending on how physically demanding the job is, being that close to labor could get you out of it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Good luck! Dh and I work well on projects as long as we both do the research and one of us isn't explaining the process to the other Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 We work ok if DH follows my instructions exactly and I carefully supervise. Is that what you mean? 😄 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 We work very well together. We do a lot of garden and yard projects together. In those cases, I come up with the idea, Dh makes it work. :) These days I prefer us both to supervise while some talented youngers do the actual work. My checkbook likes it better when we do the work ourselves. Next up is some serious decluttering of stuff....and new floors. Lots of decision making ahead. Sigh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Good luck! Fingers crossed for baby time :laugh: DH and I work really really well together at outside jobs, for $$$, and also when ONE of us knows what we are doing the most. It doesn't matter which of us is the project expert, so long as only one is. If we both have experience doing it alone and feel super confident about how we do it, forgetaboutit. We're better off hiring it out, with two perfectly capable people sitting there watching the hired people do it LOL. Then we get the shared experience of saying all the ways we would have done it differently than the hired person haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Absolutely not. Our marriage is stronger for hiring other people to do projects. I helped him repair a steam pipe once. It was not pretty. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 We work very well together- we've been renovating this house for 21 years. Each of us will get very opinionated about how something should be done, but thankfully we have never been at odds over this- so when I feel strongly about something, dh recognizes that and lets me do it my way. And the same when he feels strongly about something. It's not going to be pretty if we ever clash on a project but so far it's worked well. Just this morning we painted the mudroom floor, which is a medium gray and we intended to repaint it the same color. Well, the paint we bought is lighter and at first I balked- but we got a little bit on the floor and even though it's lighter than I'd like, it's not worth it to go find a darker shade or complain to dh that he bought the wrong color. It's a floor...I'm going to walk on it. As long as it continues to function as the barrier between the snow and my beautiful 130 year old hardwood floors, I'm good. People first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 We work well together. It has never been a problem. For some projects, DH has more strength, expertise and inclination and he does them alone. Other projects, we do jointly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 We work very well together. We do a lot of garden and yard projects together. In those cases, I come up with the idea, Dh makes it work. :) These days I prefer us both to supervise while some talented youngers do the actual work. My checkbook likes it better when we do the work ourselves. Next up is some serious decluttering of stuff....and new floors. Lots of decision making ahead. Sigh... I could have written this! I've got some forward projects, but first have to go backwards and do some decluttering/organizing in two newly repurposed rooms. There are a couple of things I'd like to just pick up the phone and call a service professional to handle, but DIY will get us a lot more for our money. OP, dh and I can work together when he has a clear understanding of my vision for a project (I'm sure the reciprocal statement is true, it just doesn't usually flow that way around here). I can have a very clear picture of the outcome in my mind's eye, but unless I explain it well, we can become frustrated with each other. Make sure you both understand what finished product you're aiming towards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xixstar Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 We approach projects very differently. He is meticulous, diligent, thorough and I am much more a whirlwind, make-it-work kind of person. And I have a tendency to like all things to go my way -- we rarely work together due to this (well unless he is just helping me). To be fair, my help was not requested but I just butt in when I noticed a process going way slower than it needed too. Being impatient an 38-weeks pregnant isn't helping my demeanor much. I want to know this project will get done when so many often get left behind mid-completion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Not if it can possibly be helped. DH and I agree - I don't take direction well. I will sit there and keep him company and be an enthusiastic cheerleader. But DD14 is a far better helper than I ever will be. Recognizing my limitation in this regard was an early success factor in our marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 1. Clearly lay out what each is expected of each of you and what you are both expecting to do on this project. 2. Make sure you are both in agreement on what you want the outcome to be and the steps you are taking to get there. 3. Be adaptable to needing to make a change. 4. Agree ahead of time that NO MATTER WHAT, you will both treat each other with respect, including not just word choice but vocal tone and body language. 5. If someone has a different idea, it does not make it wrong, it may just be a different vision. Treat everyone's ideas with respect and have both of you agree to LISTEN before judging. 6. If frustrations are on the rise, agree that taking a break to cool off is the best course of action unless the job is at a point where you just can't. 7. Accept that what might be clear in the brain may not be clear in the verbal description of what someone wants to do. Agree ahead of time to work hard at patience on both ends while you try to understand what the other person is asking for/planning to do. 8. Make a concerted effort to look at each other and smile upon occasion. 9. Focus on what is going right and mention it upon occasion. 10. Maybe create a schedule of what to get done before taking breaks. Keep it padded for unexpected issues. One more thing that I will add: No nagging. Seriously. The more I am nagged at the slower I work and less enthusiastic I am to even try to work with DH. Same with DH. He hates being nagged. There is working as a team and there is nagging. If you cannot communicate with each other except through nagging then just walk away. I hear this from people "But if I don't nag they won't get ______ done." You may win the battle but you will lose the war. Positive comments and team work mentality tend to be far more effective, at least in every project I have ever attempted, than nagging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Like home improvement projects? Painting rooms, laying flooring? We had no problems. I guess we both felt there was only one way to do things so we didn't have anything to argue about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Oh yeah, it's true that a picture paints a thousand words. If I can produce an image of the goal - torn from a magazine or downloaded from the web - it's easier to work together toward that result. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 We're actually at our best when we're working on a project together. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinsomeCreek Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Good luck! Dh and I have torn a bathroom out down to the joists and rebuilt. It was a lot of work and very stressful. We had to learn how we worked best together on the project. In our case it was divide and conquer. We traded off tasks based on skill set. Try a few methods and see what works. Maybe working together and having time to talk is your thing. The one thing I highly suggest that helped us- if the other didn't do as good of a job or the way you like, keep your mouth shut. Six months after the project or before starting something similar is the time to talk about how it could be done better. I sure hope this is a paper/ administrative project if you think you might go into labor! Unless that's what you want.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Typically not. We have different ideas of how to approach things, so we just typically do our own thing. I am the painter and rearranger of furniture. I remove wallpaper and rip up carpet. I usually tell him before I embark on these things. He does not want to help, nor does he really care what color the walls are as long as I stick to neutral colors in the main areas. I did just paint little dd's room a bold purple, but he didn't care because it is little dd's room. He did not help at all. I don't want to mess around with cutting limbs off the trees so it all evens out, I think. ETA: We hung a ceiling fan together once, and it was not too smooth. He needed my help for that, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 For home improvement projects it works best if he is in charge (because he knows what he's doing) and I "hold here" or "cut here" or "get the pliers". I do not like him helping us to clean in anyway. He stresses everyone out and I end up hiding in the bathroom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinsomeCreek Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Jean- my Dh can not put things away! He's not allowed because he has no idea where anything goes. His cleaning contributions are limited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 It all depends on how long I can keep my mouth shut..lol. I will often start off helping with something and then leave him to finish to avoid bad feelings between us. If I start a project, I prefer he just finds something else to do. If I let him run the show, it goes well. If I try to make suggestions, he gets grumpy. I nearly chewed off my tongue while we were building this house. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Dh and I have been working on home renos for the month of August and it's been excellent. Some things that make it work well for us: - Divide the labour up according to individual skills; dh is the saw expert and I install the laminate boards, he paints with the roller and I cut with the brush. - Decide what time you will start work and what will be tackled. - Take food and rest breaks before you get exhausted and frustrated. - Keep in mind that the work will take a lot longer than expected, and that things may go very slow at first. Once you get into the groove the speed will pick up. - Try to have all the supplies and tools you will need on hand, but expect to make trips to the store for forgotten items. - Have some good food and/or drink treats on hand to reward yourselves for all your hard work. ETA: Most of these things we figured out, as it didn't go very well to start with. I'm passing on wisdom learned through trial and error - but you are welcome to pee on the electric fence yourself to find out what works for you. ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 DH and I have tackled several projects together. Often times, we each take on certain tasks. Other times, we work in concert (laying tile/grouting, building cabinets, planting trees) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 We work well together on stuff like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 For home improvement projects it works best if he is in charge (because he knows what he's doing) and I "hold here" or "cut here" or "get the pliers". This is how we work "together" on projects. I basically only do things when he needs an extra pair of hands. He's putting up fencing outside today and he pops in and lets me know when he needs me. He doesn't want me to help with things like painting because he is seriously meticulous (his dad runs a painting company and dh worked for him growing up) and doesn't think I'm careful enough. Probably true. My ex was a totally different story. It was almost impossible to do any kind of projects together. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strange_girl Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Yep, we like working together. I think our personalities just mesh that way. He has an awesome attitude: he doesn't really get grumpy or impatient. And I don't feel the need to input my opinion since I know that he will do his best to do it right, and the way I would want it anyway. But if I was more vocal and/or he was more grouchy, I could definitely see us having problems :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 We do work well together, but it's because he is very patient and neither of us are perfectionists. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xixstar Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 I took took the smarter path today: I asked if he wanted or expected my help. The answer was no so I found my own project to keep me busy and away from where he is working. It isn't a small project (replacing the roof over our mudroom) so I am still feeling a little nervous about it getting done. Tomorrow I have Meeting so that will give him half the day to make progress before I show back up and will probably jump in to ensure it is completed then. My alternate project was tie dyeing 3 dozen prefold diapers with the girls and a new baby blanket too. It felt totally indulgent and almost guilty doing so when real work was taking place but it was probably best for our marriage. :) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 DH and I renovated our entire house together while living in it. We did a great job remembering it was us vs. crapshack not vs. each other. So when, after a long day of ripping out walls and finding items like old crappy doors and clothing inside them instead of insulation, I decided to make us some microwave popcorn (because we had no kitchen and no stove). Then the microwave died and DH helped me throw it over the railing of the upstairs deck and then insisted we go out for a nice dinner instead of getting frustrated at me completely losing it. :-) Solidarity baby! *we now have real insulation in all of our walls as well as actual walls and a functioning kitchen* 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 No. He has his projects and I have mine. We stay out of each other's way. The kids help. But we try really hard not to interfere in the other's project. For instance, He built me a fire pit out of cinder block. Which is nice. BUT... He bought the wrong size blocks. I wanted tall one, he bought short ones. I didn't even know there were short ones. He made a rectangle. I wanted a circle. It never occurred to me that he would NOT make it circular. Who has a rectangular fire pit? No one on Pinterest, that's for sure. And yes, he HAS a Pinterest account, but does he use it? NO. Not the way he should, anyway. Then, after he built it all WRONG, he told me to buy the wrong kind of wood. ARGH! Why!??! :001_rolleyes: We have a big wood pile already! But ok, fine, whatever. I bought the stupid Duraflame. So I load up the firepit to burn, and it was too windy to catch. We are in the desert and "windswept" has taken on new meaning. He comes home and tells me it's a good thing it didn't catch because I LOADED IT WRONG. :banghead: So yeah. Now I have a firepit I don't like, in a place where I don't want it. (It blocks the area where I drive my van around the back of the house to unload stuff. I forgot to mention that). And apparently, I'm not allowed to use it because I do it wrong. :mad: That's pretty much how our projects go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Y Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 We are farmers. We work together daily. Some jobs I am the boss. Some jobs he is. :laugh: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Not if we can help it. We have communication issues in that I feel like if I want information, I have to torture it out of him. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stratford Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 We work well together and have (successfully!) completed a whole bunch of projects. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 We are together working on things most of the time.I must work better while grumpy 'cause he is great at getting me into a workable state very quickly. There is DH's way and the wrong way, no other way of doing anything. If it doesn't work on completion it was because he was listening to my advice for a change( according to him) :lol: I will say DH is mellowing with age. things we have done together built a house, renovated, then extended. built a greenhouse, turned our property into a mostly self- sufficient mini farm. maintain that lifestyle, have bees. etc. etc. etc. sometimes we do things alone, and sometimes together. sometimes we do separate things side by side ( that works the best) We always go and admire what the other has done at the end of the day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 We work well together although often we divide and conquer the jobs as it's more efficient that way. If the job is large enough we can both do it together. We have not, however, mastered loading the dishwasher together. We've also learned to think about things in terms of cost. Since he's an engineer, he makes a bit if he's working (self-employed, so no work = no pay). Many times it is actually less expensive for us to hire someone to do some things than it is for him to take time off to get them done. When we were fixing up our last rental house, the painter only charged $25/hour. We'd have lost money if we had done that ourselves. It was only $15/hour for a housecleaner - cheaper than therapy for me considering how nasty the tenants left it and my attitude toward them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 We built a 10x16 shed with loft this Spring. It went incredibly well and we enjoyed it.But we were also several months into marriage counseling, so there was plenty of use of a whole other type of tools, lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I think putting up wallpaper or taking it down could be part of a test for engaged couples. If you can survive wallpaper, you can survive a lot. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I think putting up wallpaper or taking it down could be part of a test for engaged couples. If you can survive wallpaper, you can survive a lot. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: And after watching House Hunters several times my DS thinks all engaged couples should shop for their first house together before they marry. He also thinks they should video tape themselves looking for houses then play it back to see if they really do like the other person after all (He's convinced they must have thought they were marrying someone else. Why else marry someone you have nothing in common with and cannot seem to agree with on ANYTHING? :lol: ). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 ex and I used to work okay with each other. I'm the demo queen, I can take anything apart, he would fix it, sometimes with my help. He is also a carpenter, so that made a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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