I am beyond angry. We had some friends come for the weekend and they are STILL here!

[imeverywoman]

They were supposed to come on Saturday and leave on Sunday, or so we thought. They're still here and don't plan to leave until Monday. Problem is, they're on spring break, and we were not. We've planned our break for the last week of April, when other family friends were coming down for the week. We've been planning this for months.

 

We've lost the ENTIRE week of school because the kids cannot get to bed on time and definitely cannot get anything done with the others around.

 

I want to cry. I want to spit. I want to scream. I want my life back. How the heck did this happen???

 

Ha! And listen to this. The parents were debating leaving their kids with us for the week while the two of them went away to tend to some business.

Some people have nerve. :cursing:

[BamaTanya]

Some people have nerve. Much more than their share!

 

Sorry you're having such a rough time. :grouphug:

[elise1mds]

OMG!!!!!!!!! I am appalled! How did they not clear this with you first? My goodness.

[newlifemom]

"Ummmm, get out!"

 

Ok, so maybe I wouldn't do that IRL, but boy would I be tempted. Really, I cannot imagine being so rude to a 'friend'. :grouphug: to you and yours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hmmmmm, maybe you could visit them sometime. [insert evil laugh] :D

[OnTheBrink]

Don't get mad; take control.

 

"We've enjoyed our visit and hope to spend time with you again soon! Thanks for coming!"

 

Or, if that's too subtle:

 

"We love you guys and have enjoyed the visit, but we really need to get back to our schooling. I hope you can come again soon!"

 

Or, use what one of the elders at my church says when he's ready for company to leave:

 

"Shall we pray before you go?" ;)

 

Seriously, they're now interfering in your lives and they need to go home!

[Pink Fairy]

Have you given any hints? What did you say when they told you they'd be there for the week? I'd be upset too! :grouphug:

[imeverywoman]

Yes, I agree, but there is NO way I can encourage them to go. I am totally non-confrontational. Okay. I'm a punk. I can't do it.

 

Could you come over and do it for me? Purdy please???;)

[Stacy in NJ]

They were supposed to come on Saturday and leave on Sunday, or so we thought. They're still here and don't plan to leave until Monday. Problem is, they're on spring break, and we were not. We've planned our break for the last week of April, when other family friends were coming down for the week. We've been planning this for months.

 

We've lost the ENTIRE week of school because the kids cannot get to bed on time and definitely cannot get anything done with the others around.

 

I want to cry. I want to spit. I want to scream. I want my life back. How the heck did this happen???

 

Ha! And listen to this. The parents were debating leaving their kids with us for the week while the two of them went away to tend to some business.

Some people have nerve. :cursing:

 

I'm sorry but I just don't get this. Did you discuss the length of stay with them before they came? After they arrived did they discuss wanting to extend the stay with you?

 

You do have the ability to agree or disagree with how long someone stays in your home. Were you clear in voicing your opinion?

[newlifemom]

Yes, I agree, but there is NO way I can encourage them to go. I am totally non-confrontational. Okay. I'm a punk. I can't do it.

 

Could you come over and do it for me? Purdy please???;)

 

 

Get Remudamom, she'd do it and I 'spect, she'd get the point across. ;)

[imeverywoman]

This is the work of my dear husband. He arranged the visit. He made the plans. He's at work all day while I deal with this.

 

I don't get it either, as it's not my way of doing things. My friend is coming in a week, and I know when she's coming, when she's leaving, etc.

 

I'm ready to knock my hubby out. With love, of course.

[Mom2boys]

Don't get mad; take control.

 

"We've enjoyed our visit and hope to spend time with you again soon! Thanks for coming!"

 

Or, if that's too subtle:

 

"We love you guys and have enjoyed the visit, but we really need to get back to our schooling. I hope you can come again soon!"

 

Or, use what one of the elders at my church says when he's ready for company to leave:

 

"Shall we pray before you go?" ;)

 

Seriously, they're now interfering in your lives and they need to go home!

 

:iagree: You need to tell them it is time to go.

[Stacy in NJ]

This is the work of my dear husband. He arranged the visit. He made the plans. He's at work all day while I deal with this.

 

I don't get it either, as it's not my way of doing things. My friend is coming in a week, and I know when she's coming, when she's leaving, etc.

 

I'm ready to knock my hubby out. With love, of course.

 

Well, now you know that you need to intervene the next time your dh makes visiting plans. :001_smile:

 

I hope you can get rid of these folks ASAP.

[kalanamak]

 

We've lost the ENTIRE week of school because the kids cannot get to bed on time and definitely cannot get anything done with the others around.

 

 

Can you "run an errand" for a few hours at the library? Many have little meeting rooms....

[Sharon H in IL]

The bigger problem is between you and your hubby, imnsho.

 

You need to Have A Talk. And he needs to clarify whose side he's on. And it better be yours. :D

 

Where's that Remudamom Gird Up Your Loins Handbook?

[katemary63]

I would feel invaded. I can't imagine it. You really should have spoken up sooner although I understand every one is different and some people have a hard time standing up for themselves. Is it possible that they thought that staying this long was the plan?? If not, maybe DH should have done something early this week. Sorry they are such.....clods. :D

[Aggie]

Oh, I feel for you!

 

We had almost the *exact* same situation here a few years ago. Dh and his friend made the arrangements for the visit. I thought the other family was going to drop by for a day or two on their way to their destination.

 

Nope.

 

We were the destination. For a week.

 

It was a combination of the men making the arrangements (Never Again.) and dh and I not communicating effectively. (To say the least.:lol:)

 

 

:grouphug: for you!

[Aubrey]

Oh my goodness, I'm a punk, too. We had a neighbor bringing us bread at the apts before we moved. I mean, walking in the front door bringing us bread. (Yes, it was as weird as it sounds. No, not homemade bread. Just...white...store...bread. They hand it out free on campus.)

 

I didn't have the guts to say, "Please knock, & then wait for me to let you in my house. Please don't WALK INTO my house." Or the guts to walk into hers. :lol:

 

Dh was worse. He didn't see a problem with it! :001_huh:

 

Ok, you've gotten lots of great suggestions on how to get these people out, & bad as it feels, you're going to be nearly sick until they go.

 

Ooh. Another option is to stop cooking. That almost always gets rid of people! GL. Keep us posted!

[Laura K (NC)]

1. Read the Odyssey (apparently you'll have time while your guests are still there).

 

2. Practice your archery skills.

 

3. Dispatch your arrows, and by extension, your guests, Odysseus-style.

 

Hey, extreme times call for extreme measures. ;)

[stripe]

I think it's an imposition on their part, but if you're seeking advice, I would tell you to be patient and try to be a good hostess, but your children's education should not be put on hold for a week. If you've let this happen, then you have to take responsibility for getting back to their education, and the same goes for having your kids staying up late. Your kids shouldn't have their schedule wrecked, and I think you can be a respectful and courteous host without abandoning your children's needs. (Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.)

[Pajama Mama]

How about when the other family is out of the house you can:

*put their bags in the car

*lock all of the doors and windows

*turn off all the lights

*hide

(you could also lock dh out for causing all of this)

 

I know you can't actually do that but I'm sure it's tempting.

 

ETA:You are a truly gracious host to put up with this. I hope your dh appreciates how inconvenient this week has been for you. You've handled it very well.

Edited April 10, 2009 by Pajama Mama

[ccmom]

I sympathize with you! I would be very angry too. Take a deep breath. The week is done, so there is nothing you can do about that now. For the school week missed, maybe just add an extra week to the end of the school year.

 

As for your company, I would definitely tell them that they need to leave today. You can tell them that you did not expect them to stay through the week, or through the weekend for that matter. If your husband is on your side, he should back you up. It sounds like your husband didn't realize how much of a disturbance that was to the school schedule. Maybe since your husband made these arrangements he should be the one to tell them that they have to leave today, that it won't work out well if they stay through the weekend. They definitely need to go before Monday either way!

 

Good luck! :grouphug:

[specialmama]

I feel for you, really I do. But can I cringe a bit and squeekishly admit that we were that company once upon a time? I want to crawl in a hole and JUST DIE because it's SO not like me, I hate putting anyone out! Anyhow, yes, my dh arranged our visit with his friends, and he suggested we stay for 4 days. Well, I really had no idea that it was an imposition, I had no idea that they thought we were just stopping in for a chat on our way to a destination, but yes, they were the destination. I was beyond clueless... until the second morning, when the wife was noisily cleaning above us at 7:30am, and the husband had gone out for the day and passed along a message for us to have safe travels... my dh ran frantically downstairs and said "I think we better go... I think we've overstayed our welcome" and I just about died! I really, truly had no idea, I was beyond mortified...

 

Just wanted to throw that out there, that the wife may be totally clueless and really appalled if she knew the whole story. I don't know, I hope that would soften it a bit. Hang the men, but be sympathetic to the wife, she likely has no idea that they've overstayed their welcome. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[ClassicMom]

I tend to be a bit too honest for my own good at times ;) but I think I would have mentioned somthing by now. But a better measure, as other posters have said is to have your husband, as head of the household do it.

 

It's time for them to get the message that you are a busy homeschooling family that needs to get back to work. He can do it gently as to not embarass them, but it should be done.

 

JMHO

 

Hang in there!:grouphug:

[KatieJ]

Wow. I too would be shocked as a hostess, and would have a very hard time saying anything. At some point when you realized their intentions, that would have been the time to say something. Yes, the week is over, but it is HOLIDAY weekend for lots of folks. Surely you have plans maybe with extended family..surely they would have verified this with you ahead of time! I vote with the side that says your DH needs to say something now. Monday morrning means they will have been there almost 10 days! I just can't imagine how that happened!

 

I am sorry. And I do hope you can rescue your schooldays in the upcoming weeks so as not to ruin your planned spring break.

[Tutor]

It sounds like it was an innocent misunderstanding probably caused by using days rather than dates to arrange the visit.

 

"So would it be alright if we came Saturday morning?"

 

"Sure! We can't wait to see you! How long will you be staying?"

 

"Well, we were thinking of leaving Sunday after lunch if that's okay?"

 

"That's fine. We can't wait!"

 

Unfortunately, your dh meant Sunday, the next day, and your friends meant Sunday, the next week.

 

Since it doesn't appear to be malicious in intent (not sure exactly how visiting friends could be done maliciously, but you know what I mean :D ), I would just make the most of it. Maybe plan some educational day trips with them, send them off for an afternoon of alone time while you run to the library to get math and grammar done, have your kids show their work or recite a work of memorization to your friends and just enjoy that they are there and that you are stretching your spontaneity muscles. :001_smile:

[Emmy]

Or, use what one of the elders at my church says when he's ready for company to leave:

 

"Shall we pray before you go?" ;)

 

This made me laugh out loud. That is priceless! :D

[ConnieB]

Easy.....leave your computer on with this thread loaded, and then find a way to suggest that one of the parents do something on your computer. They'll have to see this posted and unless they are truly just plain rude hopefully they'll get the hint.

 

 

HEY FOLKS, DID YOU GET THE HINT THIS IS ABOUT YOU! GO HOME!

 

Now, since that may not work, then perhaps what you should do is say "why don't you guys go to the park/zoo/mall/airport (lol) while we do some schoolwork today. Come back in time for dinner of course!" Doesn't get them out of your house for good, but maybe you can get some school done.

 

If not.....then grin and bear it, plan to do a week of school during your "summer break" and the next time they come to visit be sure that you make it very clear that you're sorry but you only have 2 days available in your schedule, but you'd love to see them for those 2 days ONLY.

 

And while you're at it....call those other friends that are visiting later this month and confirm their arrival and departure date!!!

 

:grouphug:

[ilovemy4kids]

I think it's an imposition on their part, but if you're seeking advice, I would tell you to be patient and try to be a good hostess, but your children's education should not be put on hold for a week. If you've let this happen, then you have to take responsibility for getting back to their education, and the same goes for having your kids staying up late. Your kids shouldn't have their schedule wrecked, and I think you can be a respectful and courteous host without abandoning your children's needs. (Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.)

 

I agree with this statement but wasn't quite sure how to put it on paper. :001_smile: Also, if your husband made the arrangements, I would talk to him and express how you are feeling in a calm and loving manner. Perhaps this is an important visit to him. Is he okay with the children having an extra week off which will obviously have to be made up during the summer? Ultimately, I would say, it comes down to honoring your husbands desire. It may be that he simply didn't think (many men don't) about the ramifications this visit would have on you and the children. If he says you need to get back to work immediately, then perhaps you could gently ask him to explain to the guests that you need to resume your daily life and they are welcome to stay but need to respect your time and not interfere. Perhaps they could sightsee during the day so you can have school time. If he wishes you to set school aside and take an extra week later during the summer, then that's the best option. I have been in this same situation and have found that honoring hubby is the best thing. Usually he is clueless and if I clue him in nicely, he will solve the problem.

Blessings

Sandra

[Impish]

I'd have a chat with hubby. He invited the guests, so its up to him to sort things out.

 

I feel for you. I'm ok with guests (and I'm talking folks I really LIKE, as in my bil, and sil) for a weekend. Any more than that, and I go a bit snakey. And that's with folks I really like and get along with.

 

Any more than that, and I feel like my domain has been invaded, and I start to get territorial and the lip curls, voice gets a growl to it...Its not pretty.

[Ellie]

Yes, I agree, but there is NO way I can encourage them to go. I am totally non-confrontational. Okay. I'm a punk. I can't do it.

 

Could you come over and do it for me? Purdy please???;)

How far are you from Austin? 'Cuz I'd be willing to come right on over and help those people pack up and get out.

[Ellie]

Don't get mad; take control.

 

"We've enjoyed our visit and hope to spend time with you again soon! Thanks for coming!"

 

Or, if that's too subtle:

 

"We love you guys and have enjoyed the visit, but we really need to get back to our schooling. I hope you can come again soon!"

 

Or, use what one of the elders at my church says when he's ready for company to leave:

 

"Shall we pray before you go?" ;)

 

Seriously, they're now interfering in your lives and they need to go home

Or how about this: "Here's your hat. What's your hurry?"

[Chris in VA]

This is really funny! Kinda like leaving the Dear Abby column in which you spill your guts about your mil, out where she'll read it...

 

To the op--I have to say, gently, that this is rather your own fault. It would have been much easier to rectify the moment you suspected something was not right...the old, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission" deal. However, I think you probably feel bad enough, so just take it as a lesson for next time.

 

It's only three more days (and am I right that this is not a holiday weekend for you?), so I'd just be gracious and make sure it never happens again. And, if they are discussing leaving the kids with you, you'd better open your mouth and say no. You just better! "Oh, that would be fun some time, but we can't do it this year."

[Catwoman]

How about when the other family is out of the house you can:

*put their bags in the car

*lock all of the doors and windows

*turn off all the lights

*hide

(you could also lock dh out for causing all of this)

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Maybe that's what imeverywoman actually did, and she hasn't posted to tell us because she doesn't want anyone to see the light from her computer monitor

 

Cat (hoping the unwelcome guests are GONE!)

[gardening momma]

Or, use what one of the elders at my church says when he's ready for company to leave:

 

"Shall we pray before you go?" ;)

The one I've heard is, "Honey, we'd better turn in for the night so these folks can get home."

[hillfarm]

Just ask point blank, "What are your plans? When are you returning home?" If they don't come up with an answer that is agreeable to you, discuss it with dh and then if he won't talk to them, you will need to. I would say, "We have enjoyed your visit, but I am obligated to both the local school district and my family to get us back on track with schooling. Perhaps we could come visit you some time when we have our schooling finished for the year." End of discussion.

 

Consider it an exercise in teaching your dc how to stand up for themselves and how to put fun aside in order to meet committments. Make it your job not to model being a door mat for them (how's this for a pep talk???) You have counted on your dh to deal with this but for some reason he hasn't. Whether they know it or not, your dc are counting on you to remedy the situation. Don't you be the one to let them down.

[Haiku]

This is the work of my dear husband. He arranged the visit. He made the plans.

 

So these people probably think that their visit is fine, since it sounds like this is what your husband planned with them?

 

Well, relax, enjoy the visit, don't worry about missing a week of school (isn't flexibility one of the reasons to homeschool? And it's only a week.) and speak to your husband about this after your friends leave. Make sure y'all clarify with each other what the parameters of friends' visits are.

 

Tara

[Loupelou]

One year my sister and her husband came for a visit with their kids, my sister spent the entire yime on the couch reading, their kids got up and woke everyone up each morning running through the house. My dh actually got up and yelled at them on one occasion. Finally we loaded our family in the car and let them know we were getting away for the day. They left shortly thereafter. Maybe you could try that one. It's sort of avoiding the issue but it might get the job done. :tongue_smilie:

[Alicia64]

In a certain way, I feel sorry for the guests. If a certain agreement was made with DH. . . how awful for those parents to be in somebody's home where the wife never agreed to the deal and is furious.

 

I'd be mortified to find out that, while the husband agreed to the whole thing, I wasn't really wanted in someone's home.

 

I'd much rather know about it (even a little late) and be able to leave -- then find out about it months or even years later.

 

Granted, the family (parents to be exact) are a little on the insensitive side to not be able to read your body language.

 

But, in all fairness, they shouldn't have to "read" your body and remarks -- you should just tell them the truth ("my husband made plans for you to stay the week and never told me. I had other plans for the week. How awkward is this?").

 

I'd put it squarely back on your dh. My assumption is that he knows he didn't clear all this with you. That's not cool.

 

Alicia

[Brilliant]

...

But, in all fairness, they shouldn't have to "read" your body and remarks -- you should just tell them the truth ("my husband made plans for you to stay the week and never told me. I had other plans for the week. How awkward is this?").

 

Alicia

 

But it's too late for that now; the week is gone. Why would you bring it up now since it appears it was a misunderstanding? (especially if this is a friendship worth preserving).

 

But as for the plans going forward, I'd definitely bring it up, tonight! Ask how long they are planning on staying, and if it doesn't match with your plans, then say so.

[gardening momma]

In a certain way, I feel sorry for the guests. If a certain agreement was made with DH. . . how awful for those parents to be in somebody's home where the wife never agreed to the deal and is furious.

 

I'd be mortified to find out that, while the husband agreed to the whole thing, I wasn't really wanted in someone's home.

 

("my husband made plans for you to stay the week and never told me. I had other plans for the week. How awkward is this?").

 

It would hurt to be told you're not wanted, when you thought you were invited to stay (regardless of who's idea it was for you to come stay, your's or their's).

 

I'd much rather know about it (even a little late) and be able to leave -- then find out about it months or even years later.

It should not ever get out that you didn't want them, whether it's today or years from now. Just have a better handle on arrangements & communication next time.

[tricia]

That's a bummer. I feel for you. I've been there.:grouphug:

[Stacia]

The girlfriend (now wife) of a friend of mine used to visit him at his family home for the weekend sometimes when she was college age. She said she always knew it was time to leave on Sunday (when she normally left anyway) because when she would get up in the morning & head to the bathroom, the bed linens were always stripped & in the washer by the time she came back to the bedroom. Not so subtle hint, huh?

 

Not that it's any help, but I thought you might get a laugh out of that.

 

Sounds like you should clarify w/ your dh about what the plans were exactly. It sounds like it could be a misunderstanding & that the folks might be greatly surprised to hear they weren't expected for the whole week. If so, I'd grin & bear it (& not allow your dh to coordinate any more friend visits/vacations at your home anymore).

 

I hope that your kids are enjoying the company & will have some fond memories & fun from their unexpected vacation. Sometimes, memories like that can be as beneficial as book learning....