Vacation Dilemma - Help me think this through...

[The Governess]

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[StephanieF]

I'd take them with me. Personally I'd never leave my kids at home whilst I went on holiday but that's me, I know people do.

 

We went to Australia (from the UK) 3 times with 3 kids-once to New Zealand which is over 24 hrs away! The children were 6 months, 4 1/2 yrs and 6 ys old. We repeated that the following 2 years.

It can be hard but it was a lot of fun and the boys enjoyed it. We got a lot of looks from over travellers as if to say "you must be mad" but these were the best holidays we have ever had and can't wait to do it again!

Stephanie

[Colleen]

Quite honestly, I think you need to readjust your thinking altogether and accept this season in your life. The time when your children are young is demanding, but it's also fleeting. Of course we needn't spend every moment with our little ones; of course time away is refreshing. But must we travel around the world without them in order to gain that refreshment?

 

I think the best, most responsible choices are to either bring along the children or put the trip on the back burner all together. In your shoes, I'd do the latter. We've traveled to Europe a number of times with children those ages and I don't find overly difficult. But we've gone because we visit family. Otherwise I wouldn't opt for a pleasure vacation of that magnitude with little people; I'd save the money and travel with them to locales that distant when they were older and could appreciate it.

 

Please understand. I am not one who feels compelled to do everything with my children, or who feels guilty when I go away on my own, or with my husband. But I do believe we need to alter our lifestyles given the seasons of our lives. My husband and I spent a week on our own in Hawaii when our oldest two boys were 3 and 1, and while I enjoyed the time, I opted not to leave young children like that again. My preference instead is to go away for shorter periods ~ a weekend here or there ~ to places closer by. It's all about seasons, and as I said, it goes faster than you think it will.:)

[farmgirlinwv]

Quite honestly, I think you need to readjust your thinking altogether and accept this season in your life. The time when your children are young is demanding, but it's also fleeting. Of course we needn't spend every moment with our little ones; of course time away is refreshing. But must we travel around the world without them in order to gain that refreshment?

 

I think the best, most responsible choices are to either bring along the children or put the trip on the back burner all together. In your shoes, I'd do the latter. We've traveled to Europe a number of times with children those ages and I don't find overly difficult. But we've gone because we visit family. Otherwise I wouldn't opt for a pleasure vacation of that magnitude with little people; I'd save the money and travel with them to locales that distant when they were older and could appreciate it.

 

Please understand. I am not one who feels compelled to do everything with my children, or who feels guilty when I go away on my own, or with my husband. But I do believe we need to alter our lifestyles given the seasons of our lives. My husband and I spent a week on our own in Hawaii when our oldest two boys were 3 and 1, and while I enjoyed the time, I opted not to leave young children like that again. My preference instead is to go away for shorter periods ~ a weekend here or there ~ to places closer by. It's all about seasons, and as I said, it goes faster than you think it will.:)

 

Well said. I completely agree.

[lynn]

Quite honestly, I think you need to readjust your thinking altogether and accept this season in your life. The time when your children are young is demanding, but it's also fleeting. Of course we needn't spend every moment with our little ones; of course time away is refreshing. But must we travel around the world without them in order to gain that refreshment?

 

I think the best, most responsible choices are to either bring along the children or put the trip on the back burner all together. In your shoes, I'd do the latter. We've traveled to Europe a number of times with children those ages and I don't find overly difficult. But we've gone because we visit family. Otherwise I wouldn't opt for a pleasure vacation of that magnitude with little people; I'd save the money and travel with them to locales that distant when they were older and could appreciate it.

 

Please understand. I am not one who feels compelled to do everything with my children, or who feels guilty when I go away on my own, or with my husband. But I do believe we need to alter our lifestyles given the seasons of our lives. My husband and I spent a week on our own in Hawaii when our oldest two boys were 3 and 1, and while I enjoyed the time, I opted not to leave young children like that again. My preference instead is to go away for shorter periods ~ a weekend here or there ~ to places closer by. It's all about seasons, and as I said, it goes faster than you think it will.:)

 

:iagree:

[*LC]

I think travelling with your husband while your kids have time with relatives is great for everyone. My kids enjoy when they get to go to relatives by themselves or one other sibling. The kids are always the first to suggest we do it again.

 

I have a sensitve one that sometimes has trouble, but I wouldn't bring her along for that reason. Not everything in life is about us and kids need to learn that also. This child will complain no matter what. This weekend she complained "Why didn't I get to stay" when her older brother spent the night with grandparents, however, the previous weekend she refused to stay with them overnight for her birthday. Oh well. Since I know this child does better with siblings along, I make sure someone goes with her when she goes to visit relatives for a few days. Believe it or not, she has asked to go to grandparents for a few days unprompted.

 

In your case, I think you need to think about your friends. Would they want a four-year-old along on this long-planned trip? You also need to think about this child, and how she does on planes, trips, etc. I have some that would have been fine at that age and others that wouldn't have. I will say that two weeks is a long time. Could you go for just a week as a compromise?

 

Life does have seasons, but no one is promised another season. You have to decide is right for you and your family today.

[Melinda in VT]

For me, the key thing here is that this is a trip with friends. I think it is rude to bring children along on a trip that has been planned for years as an adults-only trip. Better to bow out of the trip altogether.

 

And I say this as someone who has traveled abroad with small children, left small children with relatives to travel abroad with friends, and someone who has bowed out of a trip abroad with friends when it became clear that us leaving was not going to be a good idea for one of our kids at that time. (In our case, our friends suggested we change the destination and shorten the trip to a length that would work for us to leave our kids. Good friends, those.)

 

So I think those are your two choices--go on the trip with your friends and leave the kids or bow out of the trip.

[MamaT]

I agree with Melinda. It would not be fair to your friends to bring your children along if that wasn't the plan to begin with.

 

My husband and I took a 10 day trip to Peru when our oldest two were very small. We left them with family. I did not realize how hard it would be to be away from them and swore I would never do it again. They are only small for such a short time.

[abbeyej]

I would put the trip off for a couple of years. Europe will still be there, and your girls will only be small and needy for a very brief period of time. Honestly, I cannot *imagine* leaving such small children (even with loving relatives) for 2 weeks at a time unless it was absolutely unavoidable.

 

I say take a short trip in the country this year, or a smaller, more manageable trip (in the country) *with* the girls. Plan to do Europe with them in a couple of years, when you'll all have a wonderful time together and you can share amazing sights *with* them.

 

But I absolutely wouldn't leave either or both of them for two whole weeks at this age.

[Nakia]

I would put the trip off for a couple of years. Europe will still be there, and your girls will only be small and needy for a very brief period of time. Honestly, I cannot *imagine* leaving such small children (even with loving relatives) for 2 weeks at a time unless it was absolutely unavoidable.

 

I say take a short trip in the country this year, or a smaller, more manageable trip (in the country) *with* the girls. Plan to do Europe with them in a couple of years, when you'll all have a wonderful time together and you can share amazing sights *with* them.

 

But I absolutely wouldn't leave either or both of them for two whole weeks at this age.

 

I completely agree.

[unsinkable]

I think travelling with your husband while your kids have time with relatives is great for everyone. My kids enjoy when they get to go to relatives by themselves or one other sibling. The kids are always the first to suggest we do it again.

 

I have a sensitve one that sometimes has trouble, but I wouldn't bring her along for that reason. Not everything in life is about us and kids need to learn that also. This child will complain no matter what. This weekend she complained "Why didn't I get to stay" when her older brother spent the night with grandparents, however, the previous weekend she refused to stay with them overnight for her birthday. Oh well. Since I know this child does better with siblings along, I make sure someone goes with her when she goes to visit relatives for a few days. Believe it or not, she has asked to go to grandparents for a few days unprompted.

 

In your case, I think you need to think about your friends. Would they want a four-year-old along on this long-planned trip? You also need to think about this child, and how she does on planes, trips, etc. I have some that would have been fine at that age and others that wouldn't have. I will say that two weeks is a long time. Could you go for just a week as a compromise?

 

Life does have seasons, but no one is promised another season. You have to decide is right for you and your family today.

 

Right. No one is promised another season so that is why I want to be with my dh & kids as much as possible. When I am dead, I won't be pining over the trip to __________ that I didn't get to take. But when my kids move forward with their lives I don't want to have spent their childhoods on vacation without them.

[unsinkable]

For me, the key thing here is that this is a trip with friends. I think it is rude to bring children along on a trip that has been planned for years as an adults-only trip. Better to bow out of the trip altogether.

 

And I say this as someone who has traveled abroad with small children, left small children with relatives to travel abroad with friends, and someone who has bowed out of a trip abroad with friends when it became clear that us leaving was not going to be a good idea for one of our kids at that time. (In our case, our friends suggested we change the destination and shorten the trip to a length that would work for us to leave our kids. Good friends, those.)

 

So I think those are your two choices--go on the trip with your friends and leave the kids or bow out of the trip.

 

If the baby is 2 and the trip has been planned for years then at some point they knew they'd have a baby. Babies take 9 months, still right? So was it rude for her to get pregnant when she was planning a trip?

[Christine in FL]

While I love my children dearly, the world does not revolve around them (contrary to what they believe). As parents, especially homeschooling moms, our daily lives do tend to revolve around our children. Therefore, it is easy to feel bad about taking time without them.

 

But...there is nothing wrong with taking 2 weeks to spend with your husband (with or without friends). Parenting is a long journey, but so is marriage. Your children will be safely with family, and you will enjoy reconnecting with your husband. You will all return to "regular life" with a new appreciation for each other and hopefully some deeper relationships with ones you love (the kids with their extended family and you with your husband).

 

I'd say go and have a great time!

[abbeyej]

I wanted to add, or even go without them *later*, when they won't even care that you're gone for a couple of weeks. ;) (Although we're going next week with our 9.5 and 7yos and I can't imagine leaving them home -- there's too much I want *them* to see too! I want to see their faces when got to Hampton Court or when they climb the last stairs at the Tour Eiffel!)

 

Really, truly, the won't be 2 and 4 for long. They need you right now. But they won't always.

 

And I agree with others that I wouldn't spring preschoolers on friends when they had planned a non-child trip. But I can honestly say I'd *much* rather go on a family vacation and share Europe with my children (who, in the scheme of things, are only a very little older than yours) than with adult friends. Even at just a little older, my kids can carry on a conversation about the history of the places we're going to see, they can appreciate the food, they love going to see theater and concerts...

[Melinda in VT]

If the baby is 2 and the trip has been planned for years then at some point they knew they'd have a baby. Babies take 9 months, still right? So was it rude for her to get pregnant when she was planning a trip?

 

:confused: How did you get that from my post?

 

Of course it isn't rude to get pregnant.

[unsinkable]

While I love my children dearly, the world does not revolve around them (contrary to what they believe). As parents, especially homeschooling moms, our daily lives do tend to revolve around our children. Therefore, it is easy to feel bad about taking time without them.

 

But...there is nothing wrong with taking 2 weeks to spend with your husband (with or without friends). Parenting is a long journey, but so is marriage. Your children will be safely with family, and you will enjoy reconnecting with your husband. You will all return to "regular life" with a new appreciation for each other and hopefully some deeper relationships with ones you love (the kids with their extended family and you with your husband).

 

I'd say go and have a great time!

 

She wrote that she took a trip to China last year alone with dh. By your theory, she should already have the new appreciation and deeper relationships based on that trip. Is there an expiration date on appreciation and deeper relationships?

[Remudamom]

Well, my world revolves around my kids and I'm not embarrassed about it at all. I'm not the smothery type, but I wouldn't consider going off for two weeks on vacation with babies that young unless I took them with me.

[lynn]

Another thought from personal exerpience, no matter how much I loved my grandparents and they loved us visiting with them, after a few days I was so so homesick for my mom and dad. We were well taken care of and loved by aunts, uncles and cousins while we were visiting but there was something unsettling after a few days of not being with my mom and dad.

[unsinkable]

:confused: How did you get that from my post?

 

Of course it isn't rude to get pregnant.

 

I was trying to make a point using hyperbole (?). I know you didn't think it was rude to get pregnant. And I don't either. I'm sorry.

 

My point was that the trip has been planned for years. The baby is 2 years old. At what point do you say, "We're planning an adults-only trip and I'm pregnant (or have a newborn) that will be 2 on this trip."

 

You wrote that it would be rude to bring a kid on an adults-only trip (which I would partly agree with under certain circumstances.) But when did the "rudeness" begin? The OP knew she had kids when she started planning the trip. Does this make sense?

[StephanieF]

For me it isn't about not feeling guilty or feeling guilty taking the children it is that I don't WANT to go without them, I wouldn't even consider going without them. They are my life at the moment and by that I don't mean that I have to be with them 24 hrs a day or I smother them but they are what I do if you see what I mean.

 

My eldest is 12 yrs old and it really does seem like yesterday that he was born. It is a big cliche to say it goes so quickly but once it has gone, that's it. Each holiday is very precious for us as a family. I can go away with dh all I like in a few years, the kids wont want me then, they do now!

Stephanie

[Melinda in VT]

I was trying to make a point using hyperbole (?). I know you didn't think it was rude to get pregnant. And I don't either. I'm sorry.

 

My point was that the trip has been planned for years. The baby is 2 years old. At what point do you say, "We're planning an adults-only trip and I'm pregnant (or have a newborn) that will be 2 on this trip."

 

You wrote that it would be rude to bring a kid on an adults-only trip (which I would partly agree with under certain circumstances.) But when did the "rudeness" begin? The OP knew she had kids when she started planning the trip. Does this make sense?

 

Thanks for responding. I'm still not entirely sure I understand what you are saying, but I'm having that sort of a day.:tongue_smilie:

 

I've been assuming that the trip was planned from the get-go as an adults-only trip with the understanding that everyone would leave the kids at home. I don't think it's uncommon for people to make plans like that and then rethink them once they are dealing with flesh-and-blood children. I don't think there has been any rudeness yet.

 

Of course, it's always possible that if the OP backs out of the trip because of the kids, her friends will say, "Oh, go ahead and bring them!" But I'm guessing not.

 

I've traveled to England, France, Spain, Morocco, and Costa Rica with kids in the age range of the OP's kids. Those were great trips. But they are different from the trips we take without kids. (We still see Roman ruins in France, for example, but we don't do candlelit restaurant dinners with toddlers. We see castles in England, but we don't see plays.) I enjoy both kinds of trips. But I don't think you turn an adults-only trip into a family trip without the enthusiastic buy-in of all the adults involved.

[Julie in CA]

Place me squarely in the "no" category. (That makes 11 of us who wouldn't do it).

[unsinkable]

Thanks for responding. I'm still not entirely sure I understand what you are saying, but I'm having that sort of a day.:tongue_smilie:

 

I've been assuming that the trip was planned from the get-go as an adults-only trip with the understanding that everyone would leave the kids at home. I don't think it's uncommon for people to make plans like that and then rethink them once they are dealing with flesh-and-blood children. I don't think there has been any rudeness yet.

 

Of course, it's always possible that if the OP backs out of the trip because of the kids, her friends will say, "Oh, go ahead and bring them!" But I'm guessing not.

 

I've traveled to England, France, Spain, Morocco, and Costa Rica with kids in the age range of the OP's kids. Those were great trips. But they are different from the trips we take without kids. (We still see Roman ruins in France, for example, but we don't do candlelit restaurant dinners with toddlers. We see castles in England, but we don't see plays.) I enjoy both kinds of trips. But I don't think you turn an adults-only trip into a family trip without the enthusiastic buy-in of all the adults involved.

 

Ah, I see what you are saying.

 

And don't worry -- it's not you, it's me. :D

[annabanana1992]

I say go. Clearly there are parents who feel strongly on both sides. My DH and I took a cruise to Alaska when our kids were 1, 2.5 and 5.5 for 8 days. They all seem just fine... DH and I are going to London for 8 days in March sans kids ages 12,9,7. We do plan to do these vacations again with kids in the future. This is not a moral issue in my opinion. Do what you think is best for your style of parenting and your comfort level.....

[King Alfred Academy]

I say "go for it"!

Edited March 2, 2009 by King Alfred Academy

[abbeyej]

I say go. Clearly there are parents who feel strongly on both sides. My DH and I took a cruise to Alaska when our kids were 1, 2.5 and 5.5 for 8 days. They all seem just fine... DH and I are going to London for 8 days in March sans kids ages 12,9,7. We do plan to do these vacations again with kids in the future. This is not a moral issue in my opinion. Do what you think is best for your style of parenting and your comfort level.....

 

But she has made it clear that this is *not* a comfortable thing for her children at their current ages. That for me is huge.

 

I also think there's a world of difference between leaving for one week and for two. It may not seem huge to us adults (or even to school-aged children, in many cases), but we're talking about preschoolers who have already expressed that being left like this is a really tough thing for them.

[unsinkable]

We've been planning a trip to Europe with some friends of ours for a couple years. The trip is coming up this fall! The problem is that we haven't been able to decide what to do with our girls. Dh and I went to China last year and my mom watched them for 10 days. By the end of the trip our 4 yo was really sad and ready for us to come home. And she was extra clingy for a couple months after we were back. The other day she even told dh "remember that time you and Mommy went to China? You were gone for a long time. I don't want you to do that again." :(

 

Dd 4 is our intense, sensitive one, and I'm worried that us leaving for 2 weeks is going to be too traumatic for her. I'm not as concerned about our 2 yo; she is our easy-going child and would be much more easily distracted. We have family who would be willing to watch them while we are gone, so that's not an issue.

 

We're trying to decide if we should a) Go just the two of us and hope that dd4 deals with it alright; b) take dd4 on the trip with us and leave dd2 at home; c) ?????. Taking both of them doesn't really seem like an option; I've done the traveling overseas with a 2-3 yo thing before and I'm not sure if I have the energy to do it again. ;) And the girls don't really get along all that well when they are rested and in their normal routine, I'm sure that it will be much harder for them when they are jet lagged and somewhere unfamiliar. But, I also don't want dd2 to feel like we're abandoning her. *Sigh* I just don't know what to do.

 

If you've been in this situation, what have you done? What do I need to be thinking about?

 

To all of you who said you'd go:

 

Did you read the bolded part of the OP? This is what happened with the child on the last trip:

 

really sad

extra clingy

intense

sensitive

 

or are you just responding in general?

 

B/c we could debate back & forth about parents only vacations in general and I think I'd see why people do it.

 

But in this case, with this child, as her own mom described her? How can you say leave her?

[FriedClams]

I'd take them with me. Personally I'd never leave my kids at home whilst I went on holiday but that's me, I know people do.

 

 

:iagree:

[Harriet Vane]

I have never been able to leave my kids for a long stretch, despite enormous pressure to do so. My dh AND his family (who truly are wonderful people whom I dearly love and enjoy being with) all think it's fine to leave the kids behind to go for a long vacation.

 

My dd has always been sensitive about it, though. She's not a drama queen in any way, shape, or form. However, she truly struggles to be away from us overnight, and two nights is a real stretch for her. As she has grown older, she has gotten better about staying away one night, but that has only been through the hard work of coaching her on how to manage her stress over the whole situation.

 

We tried to say this-is-life-you're-going-to-have-to-deal-with-it, and honestly, for THIS child, it made the situation so much worse. That, coupled with the fact that I remember struggling with this myself, as a little one, made me determined to try a different way. As many others in this thread have suggested, I decided that dd would only be little for a short time, to accept this season, and to work to coach her along more gently.

 

My mil, who is normally the most loving and indulgent of grandparents, could not understand my perspective on this at all. She actually escalated the situation badly when dd was scared one night and mil would not allow dd to phone me, and mil also refused to go upstairs where dd was. Dd felt alone, and very frightened, with no way of making it better. She was unable to face ANY sleepovers for a solid year after that. I was furious with mil, as I had promised my dd she could call me at any time. When dd was able to face overnights again, we bought a cell phone for her to keep with her specifically so that she could call when she needed to, and I made it crystal clear to my in-laws that they were NOT to interfere with that, no matter what.

 

My ds is different. For example, once when he expressed some nighttime anxieties to dh, dh handed him his wooden sword and told him that if anything attacked, ds could fight it off with his sword. If that had been dd, this would have confirmed in her mind the reality of the danger and frightened her even worse. Ds, on the contrary, felt empowered and equipped and went right to sleep, no problem.

 

You see how this affected your child once before. She is still really little. She will only be little for a short time. Accept who she is, and accept this season of your life as a mother for what it is. I'd say to postpone the trip.

[BMW]

IF you don't postpone the trip, there are some ideas for working with it to make it more manageable.

 

You could set up a tape player with books that you read aloud and have her listen along daily. You could make some home videos for her to enjoy. You could call her, email, text, set up facebook or something to post pics of what you are doing that her grandparents could let her see each day. You could leave behind wrapped goodies and notes.

 

That said, I'd have a hard time doing that. It would rip my heart knowing that my young child missed me and needed me or was really sad. I would not be able to enjoy myself. It would probably bother you, too...

[Guest schoolrown]

Quite honestly, I think you need to readjust your thinking altogether and accept this season in your life. The time when your children are young is demanding, but it's also fleeting. Of course we needn't spend every moment with our little ones; of course time away is refreshing. But must we travel around the world without them in order to gain that refreshment?

 

I think the best, most responsible choices are to either bring along the children or put the trip on the back burner all together. In your shoes, I'd do the latter. We've traveled to Europe a number of times with children those ages and I don't find overly difficult. But we've gone because we visit family. Otherwise I wouldn't opt for a pleasure vacation of that magnitude with little people; I'd save the money and travel with them to locales that distant when they were older and could appreciate it.

 

Please understand. I am not one who feels compelled to do everything with my children, or who feels guilty when I go away on my own, or with my husband. But I do believe we need to alter our lifestyles given the seasons of our lives. My husband and I spent a week on our own in Hawaii when our oldest two boys were 3 and 1, and while I enjoyed the time, I opted not to leave young children like that again. My preference instead is to go away for shorter periods ~ a weekend here or there ~ to places closer by. It's all about seasons, and as I said, it goes faster than you think it will.:)

 

I agree with Colleen. My DS are 14 & 16 and the countdown to when I won't be able to vacation with them makes me sad. Enjoy it all - the time is fleeting.

[cjzimmer1]

In this particular situation, no I wouldn't go. Since your daughter still remembers your last trip, and clearly expresses how unhappy it made her, to me it seems to leave her again is being disrepectful of her feelings. I know we can't always do things that make our kids happy but this trip isn't necessary at this time. For me, it's just not worth it to have some fun with my friends when it would clearly make my child so unhappy.

[Gamom3]

I would say put off the trip and take your dc somewhere you can enjoy as a family.

BUT if you are fine with leaving your kids. Could you possibly alternate where they will be during the 2 wks? Say at your family one week and your dh's family the next. That way they have a different setting and maybe it will short the 2wks away from Mama and Daddy in their mind.

[Laura in STL]

I would agree with bringing a nanny, if that is an option at all. That is what dh and I are planning to do next winter for a trip to Hawaii. Our kids are 6 and 8, but they would not be comfortable being left for that long.

[moki4]

I couldn't leave them. We take our kids everywhere we go. Long plane rides to Hawaii, and long car rides too. Our kids are part of us! Don't get me wrong. While in Hawaii we go out for dinner at least a few times without the kids.

Your friends should understand your situation. They should respect your decision.

I think you are worried because you don't want to leave the 4 y old. Listen to yourself!:)

[Tap]

Based on your previous experience with dd's reaction last time...and that is still bothers her enough to bring it up, I would postpone the trip another year or two.

[Jeanne in MN]

Although I believe it is important to get away, I'm not comfortable leaving a child for that long and would especially have a hard time leaving one that reacted so strongly to the last trip.

 

My parents went on a week long vacation every summer without us and were gone for a number of weekends throughout the year for retreats they helped put on. I can't begin to describe how hard that was on me. I hated it when they went for a week at a time. Even though we had a very nice woman taking care of us in our own home and I had my siblings all there, it was lonely. All the normal routines were off balance. It was just a really weird feeling and a week to a child is a lot longer than a week is to an adult, much less two weeks.

 

No judgement here, just personal experience. Take it for what it's worth.

 

Jeanne

[PinkInTheBlue]

Well, my story is that we didn't take our kids (9 & 7 at the time) with us for our first couple of trips. They stayed with my mother and had a truly great time. No anxiety but they did miss us and we missed them. When we came back I could tell it had been really good for our relationship in many ways. (realizing how much you love the other and miss them) After those first couple of business/vacation trips we took them on everything.

 

Later when the baby was born we alternated. Sometimes we took all the boys and sometimes just the baby. It IS harder work with little ones; much harder to me. I wasn't ready to leave the baby and I knew he wasn't ready. This past October was the first time we went without any of the boys. One of the biggest things that helped all the boys was when we (my mother and us) all bought computers with cameras and downloaded Skype. Now we can talk to them face to face. It helps SO much! Next Monday we are flying to Acapulco for 5 days and again it's just Tony and I. In July we are taking all the boys with us to Hawaii. I love the time with just he and I but we miss the boys terribly!! I'll be happy for them to be with us next time.

 

HOWEVER, if I were you and my 4yr old were so traumatized by it, I probably wouldn't leave her again right now. If she were the type of child to be dramatic without really feeling it, I would go but listening to you it sounds like she really didn't like it. Like others said, there is so much time later to do this. Later she'll probably be perfectly fine. If either of our boys had a hard time with our trips (They are work related trips. We just add a couple additional days to enjoy the places we are going.) I would take them, take a babysitter for the work days or one of us stay home.

 

That's just my story. It probably doesn't help at all! LOL :) That's just how we handled it and what *we* would do "if".

[The Governess]

I just got in....and was shocked by how many responses were waiting for me! :lol: In all seriousness, though, I really appreciate all of the advice. You've given me a lot to consider.

 

So, obviously the consensus is that we shouldn't leave her at home. :001_smile: I think I knew, even as I was writing my original post, that that wasn't really an option. And this trip isn't more important than my relationship with my daughter.

 

The friends that we are traveling with are actually bringing their son; he will be 1.5 when we go. They are going for three weeks and have already purchased their tickets, so if we postpone the trip we wouldn't be able to do it with these friends, which would be a bummer. So it isn't going to be an "adults only" trip, although IMO there is a big difference between traveling with one child vs. three aged 5 and under. It would definitely change the dynamic of the trip.

 

My concerns with bringing them both with us is that dd2 is difficult to travel with. She is very physically active, and doesn't like sitting still. An international flight with her will be exhausting. Dd4 would be fine; she enjoys quiet activities and traveling with her would be easy. Not many of you addressed the option of bringing only dd4. I'm fairly confident that dd2 would be fine staying with family; we have both sets of grandparents nearby, as well as my brother and dh's brother, both of whom have little girls that our dds play with often. But still, the idea of bringing one child and leaving another doesn't sit right with me either.

 

We are planning to do a lot of traveling as a family, and this is probably the last trip that we will ever consider taking without them. I want them to be in on the experience with us. But I also don't want this particular vacation to turn into a stressful experience of trying to get around a foreign country with an overtired, antsy 3 yo.

 

I'm also worried about the cost of bringing two children. A lot of the hotels I've looked into have only one bed in their basic room; you would have to rent two rooms to fit four or get a suite-type setup, which is obviously a lot more expensive. This on top of two extra plane tickets. If you've done a trip to Europe with a family of four or more, did you have problems finding accommodations that worked with your budget? And if we are renting a car, would we have to rent two vehicles? Can you even rent a minivan in Europe?

 

Thanks again, soooo much, for all of your insight. You've been tremendously helpful.

[Melinda in VT]

I just got in....and was shocked by how many responses were waiting for me! :lol: In all seriousness, though, I really appreciate all of the advice. You've given me a lot to consider.

 

So, obviously the consensus is that we shouldn't leave her at home. :001_smile: I think I knew, even as I was writing my original post, that that wasn't really an option. And this trip isn't more important than my relationship with my daughter.

 

The friends that we are traveling with are actually bringing their son; he will be 1.5 when we go. They are going for three weeks and have already purchased their tickets, so if we postpone the trip we wouldn't be able to do it with these friends, which would be a bummer. So it isn't going to be an "adults only" trip, although IMO there is a big difference between traveling with one child vs. three aged 5 and under. It would definitely change the dynamic of the trip.

 

My concerns with bringing them both with us is that dd2 is difficult to travel with. She is very physically active, and doesn't like sitting still. An international flight with her will be exhausting. Dd4 would be fine; she enjoys quiet activities and traveling with her would be easy. Not many of you addressed the option of bringing only dd4. I'm fairly confident that dd2 would be fine staying with family; we have both sets of grandparents nearby, as well as my brother and dh's brother, both of whom have little girls that our dds play with often. But still, the idea of bringing one child and leaving another doesn't sit right with me either.

 

We are planning to do a lot of traveling as a family, and this is probably the last trip that we will ever consider taking without them. I want them to be in on the experience with us. But I also don't want this particular vacation to turn into a stressful experience of trying to get around a foreign country with an overtired, antsy 3 yo.

 

I'm also worried about the cost of bringing two children. A lot of the hotels I've looked into have only one bed in their basic room; you would have to rent two rooms to fit four or get a suite-type setup, which is obviously a lot more expensive. This on top of two extra plane tickets. If you've done a trip to Europe with a family of four or more, did you have problems finding accommodations that worked with your budget? And if we are renting a car, would we have to rent two vehicles? Can you even rent a minivan in Europe?

 

Thanks again, soooo much, for all of your insight. You've been tremendously helpful.

 

Well, now that I know your friends are bringing their son that totally changes things for me. :)

 

I have to say that the idea of taking the 4yo and leaving the 2yo doesn't sit well with me either. We did that once--took our 6yo to DC for the weekend and left our 2yo twins home. But there were two of them being left behind, and it was only for a few days. (And our 6yo had had a rough two years.)

 

Practically, once we had more than one child (we went from 1 to 3, skipping 2 completely), we rented or exchanged houses. I do know that there are B&Bs with family rooms, so I think you could find acceptable rooms if you planned ahead. It would be a little harder.

 

We rented a 6-person vehicle in France. It was not as large as a minivan here, and we were two adults 4 kids with only one in a car seat.

 

What country are you going to?

[5kidsforME]

To all of you who said you'd go:

 

Did you read the bolded part of the OP? This is what happened with the child on the last trip:

 

really sad

extra clingy

intense

sensitive

 

or are you just responding in general?

 

B/c we could debate back & forth about parents only vacations in general and I think I'd see why people do it.

 

But in this case, with this child, as her own mom described her? How can you say leave her?

 

If anyone else had this affect (effect??) on your child my guess would be you wouldn't allow it again. Yet its ok because you are her mother? Obviously the last was a rhetorical question.

[Happy]

No I wouldn't go without my children. Two weeks is a long time. Frankly, I hate it when my dh is gone for two weeks. He travels and we are used to him being gone a lot, but two weeks is a long time. It is even longer to a child.

 

That being said, we (family of four) traveled extensively in Europe. You can rent mini-vans. You ask for a 'family' suite in a B&B or hotel. That is usually a big bed for mom and dad and two singles. Not every hotel has them, but most big ones do.

[Joanne]

Wow. I do realize that, as homeschoolers, we often face intense and culturally sanctioned pressure to accepts types of parenting and family style that are not a match for our family. I get it.

 

OTOH, I think within the homeschooling community, there is pressure in *this* sub culture to embrace a family style that might not be a match for each homeschooling family.

 

Truly, OP, healthy families come in many forms. Some take 2 week long vacations with adults only. Some don't.

 

I see nothing wrong with going. I know that the season of life with young children is fleeting. So is this time in your marriage, your adulthood, your own life which is (or should be) more broadly defined than motherhood.

 

While I love my children dearly, the world does not revolve around them (contrary to what they believe). As parents, especially homeschooling moms, our daily lives do tend to revolve around our children. Therefore, it is easy to feel bad about taking time without them.

 

But...there is nothing wrong with taking 2 weeks to spend with your husband (with or without friends). Parenting is a long journey, but so is marriage. Your children will be safely with family, and you will enjoy reconnecting with your husband. You will all return to "regular life" with a new appreciation for each other and hopefully some deeper relationships with ones you love (the kids with their extended family and you with your husband).

 

I'd say go and have a great time!

 

I completely agree.

[Brigitte]

Bring both kids. Make sure you bring the 2 y.o.'s car seat on the plane. That helps a lot. We went to France with our 2 y.o. twins for a month, so I am speaking from experience. We rented a station wagon and that was sufficiently large for the 4 of us. We rented a house and took day and weekend trips from there. The key is to relax, go with the flow, Don't have every moment planned, be flexible, and don't plan on spending whole days at museums, etc. Your best memories will come from a trip like this and probably doing the stuff that you would not have done without the kids along. Seeing my wee ones standing on the vast Pont du Gard was amazing, and the souvenir shop owner in Nice giving the girls stuffed dolphins for free will always be a fond memory.

 

Anyway, I am rambling. Yes, the dynamic of the trip will change, but who is to say that it is a change for the worse?

[StephanieF]

Re booking rooms, at that age we just asked for a large double room and the boys slept with us in a big bed or sometimes we had a put me up bed in the corner we definately would not get 2 rooms. You really don't need 2 rooms with kids of that age. You may need to email hotels rather than use an online booking system though.

Unfortunately because the ages of ours now (12, 9, 5) we do need to get 2 rooms sometimes because of the hotel's insurance but in that case we don't leave the children alone but dh and I split up and sleep one in each room. However wherever possible we seek out one room options and they are to be found.

Stephanie

[sgilli3]

Wow. I do realize that, as homeschoolers, we often face intense and culturally sanctioned pressure to accepts types of parenting and family style that are not a match for our family. I get it.

 

OTOH, I think within the homeschooling community, there is pressure in *this* sub culture to embrace a family style that might not be a match for each homeschooling family.

 

Truly, OP, healthy families come in many forms. Some take 2 week long vacations with adults only. Some don't.

 

 

 

I completely agree.

 

 

So true.

I love my children dearly, AND I also love traveling alone, traveling just with DH and traveling as a family.

 

To the OP, go with what feels right for you and your family.

What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another.

:)

[Laura Corin]

Can you even rent a minivan in Europe?

 

 

 

I think it seated seven.

 

Laura

[StephanieF]

And yes you can rent a minivan in Europe!!

Stephanie

[Colleen]

Given that your friends are bringing a young child, and that you clearly do want to go on the trip, I'd just plan to bring along both your daughters. I myself would be pretty bummed hanging around someone else's 1.5 year old child while leaving my own 2 year old behind. Aside from the extra ticket, there will be virtually no increased costs. Any hotel that accepts two adults and a child in one room will accept two adults and two children in that same room, and one 7-seater van will accomodate everyone in your group.

[katilac]

I don't think it's terrible to leave the 2 yr old behind, unless she reacts very poorly when you present the idea. Of course, you need to present it that she 'gets' to stay at grandmas, not that she has to stay behind! :lol:

 

Has the 2 yr old been left for more than overnight before? Can you do a trial run, with her going to stay w/someone and dd1 staying with you? If she agrees that it's a fun treat, I'd consider not taking her on the trip. I have one chlld who would have been fine on a long trip at that age, and one who would have made the trip . . . more interesting than I'd like.

 

Everybody's different. I've just now agreed to let my kids stay at grandma's house for several days without us (they are too far to go get them quickly) at 8 & 10, but I know many people who vacation without some or all of their kids. So much depends on the child's personality (as you well know!).