I just need a place to vent.

[TinyMama]

This is our first year homeschooling our oldest. She is 5 and is in kindergarten. I took a lot of time finding good (but relatively cheap) curriculum to use and was so excited to get the school year started. I had so many good ideas. 

I work full time. My husband is a stay at home parent and my in laws lives with us also. My mother in law homeschooled her boys when they were in middle school so between her and my husband, they have talked about taking the reigns with her schooling.

I've written down and even organized by category many different tactile activities to do for the difference subjects. Some involving Play-Doh, a lot of going outside and very play based activities. My husband or MIL don't do any of them! They just sit her down, make her do a lesson in math, do some handwriting copywork and call it a day. My husband says he'll do her phonics curriculum with her but everytime I get home he says he has been too busy with the baby. My oldest isn't really enjoying it because they're not making it super fun or following the curriculum at all. I know not all subjects need to be presented as fun but in kindergarten, it's a big part of it. 

I'm the only one who reads with her or sets up the crafts. I read with her nightly and do crafts for school on my two days off, which are Thursday and Friday. I just feel like I'm getting no help. I've done a lot of research into homeschooling and I'm always looking up a ton of free resources to use with her schooling but no one else seems to care. 

I don't want to put her into a public school. I want to make homeschooling work. I work 4am to 1pm so by the time I get home, she's over the schooling she's done and wants to play with her friends who are home from public school. I can't quit my job since we're hoping to buy a house in the next year or so and you need steady income. I've been at my job 4 years now. 

Am I glamorizing kindergarten too much? Should it just be sit down, do this work and after 30-45 minutes, call it a day? 

I just feel like I'm trying to burn the candle at both ends. I try to have the next week loosely set out for my MIL and husband (I prefer to track rather than to plan) but having a guideline helps them. I'll ask them how the crafts and activities went and they just tell me they didn't do them. 

Also, my MIL will do a math lesson a day with her and when she gets to the checkpoint, she can't do it. It's like she just reads the lesson plan, goes over it once and then gets ready for the next lesson the next day instead of waiting until she grasps the information. 

It's driving me nuts.

Thanks for listening! 

[fairfarmhand]

It doesn’t sound like your mil is necessarily up for homeschooling in the way you wish she would. And you can’t force that. I would not press my mother in law in that way.
 

So you need to approach this with your dh. Can he let mil tend the baby while he does the school work? This may be a negotiation for the 2 of you. 
 

as the working parent you will either need to let go of the control issues and let your dh decide how it’s going to look or put her in school. 
 

my kindergartners did spend about 30-45 minutes a day on sit down work but we did fill the rest of the day with read alouds crafty things (not necessarily educational crafty things) and educational screens. 

Eta:
 

can you swap to working second shift? Then you could do some of the schooling. Before you go to work.

Edited August 31 by fairfarmhand

[rebcoola]

I do a lot of hands on things in gemeral but I don't think its wrong to just do a regular quick lesson and than let her play I would definitely want the phonics to get done.  While she is playing she is still  learming

[marbel]

This is a tough place to be and I'm sorry you're in it. 

First, I'd leave your MIL out of it. It's not her responsibility and it sounds as if she doesn't want to do it. It also sounds as if your husband has not bought into your vision of homeschooling. Or maybe he's not into homeschooling at all?  You say you have done the research, you're setting up the craft stuff, you are the one who wants to make homeschooling work - but it can't work if your husband doesn't really want to do it. I would talk to him to be sure he's on board, and ask him what he thinks it should look like. And since he is going to be the one to do it, you may have to let go of some of your dreams of super fun engaging homeschooling. 

Over the years, I've heard a lot of homeschool moms express resentment when their working spouse tries to control the homeschool too much. Of course both parents need to have input, and be in agreement, but the one who is not doing the actual schooling needs to be careful of making undue demands on the person doing it. 

In kindy, we had very short lessons but we did a lot of fun things, read a lot, went on walks, went to the zoo and other interesting places, etc. My kids are close in age so they played together a lot. My husband and I discussed curriculum and such but since I was the one doing it, he deferred to my judgment. 

ETA: obviously he needs to follow through on the things he says he will do. So if he says "yes, I'll do phonics every day" it's reasonable to make that a requirement - not that anyone can require an adult to do something. But again, I think he just really doesn't want to do it. 

 

Edited August 31 by marbel

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

My MIL and husband wound up doing a lot of the homeschooling of my third grader this year. MIL homeschooled with Abeka and is not a crafty activity type person, she and DH like workbooks and as minimal school as possible m.  I can’t quit my job and I don’t have choices other than 9-5 right now so DS is going back to public school.

sometimes there are just no great choices. 
 

[kbutton]

This sounds super frustrating. I’m assuming everyone was on board initially, but like the others said, if they are not, it’s going to be hard to do this.

That said, after Kindergarten is over, I assume her friends will get home a little later in the day, so maybe that problem will take care of itself. I don’t know any elementary kids that get home much before 3:00, but half day K kids (rare) are home early.

My kids weren’t much for mixing business with pleasure, so fun but fiddly stuff was extra, just part of non-school life, or was part of a subject where it was more tolerated (history or science). I did have some manipulatives or self-correcting materials the kids could do on their own if they liked those things or needed extra practice. One of mine was a stealth learner—he wanted to be given the information and then sit on it himself. For instance, he wanted to learn letters and numbers on his own. Because of that, we did the alphabet orally/learned to count orally, and then I put the letter or number cards in a pocket chart. He could point to them one at a time to get the name and written form synced up in his brain. The only hitch was that he had to remember to go left to right line by line, not left to right and then right to left on the next line. Eventually he let me teach him, but even then, he wanted to practice and do a lot solo, so I got materials that let him do that (Math U See Primer level followed by Miquon Math).

I am not sure what to say about your MIL going on to the next lesson with no retention except that maybe she used a curriculum with her own kids that was incremental vs. mastery based, and it was fine if things didn’t click the first time because they would be seeing it a lot.

 

[Annie G]

You’re frustrated because you’ve worked hard to find an affordable program and put time and thought into planning, and they’re phoning in the implementation.  
30-45 minutes of academics are fine for kindergarten, but there also needs to be read aloud time, play, craft type things, etc. Learning to use scissors and glue sticks, nature walks, and such things are part of an education. It’s not just bookwork, especially in kindergarten. 
I’d brainstorm w dh to find out what he’s willing to do, and together figure out a way to make it happen.

If he’s not enthusiastic about homeschooling, you’re fighting a losing battle and will have to do it yourself after work, or put her in school. Sorry you’re not getting the support you need. That stinks. 

Edited August 31 by Annie G

[Ali in OR]

I think you can make this work for Kindergarten but you might want to think about putting dd into school for first grade. I would plan to spend an hour a day with her myself: 15 min phonics, 15 min reviewing the math lesson with her, and 30 min read aloud time. I would want dh to make sure handwriting practice got done and first pass at the math lesson. And anything else he particularly enjoys. Then just lots of time living life--playing, help with food prep, going on errands--all learning opportunities at that age. Our first grade added a bunch of academic subjects--if it doesn't happen at home, that would be the time I would find a school for her.

[GoVanGogh]

I agree with above posters. I did want to add: 

I have adhd. I hated public school and never fit in their box. My spouse is an engineer and very ”check all the boxes” sort of person.  It was a mutual decision to homeschool, with me doing the schooling and my spouse working. We have graduated our kid and they have been very successful so far in college and internships. My spouse now openly talks about how they were often very worried about how I homeschooled, but they also were very happy with the outcomes along the way so they kept their mouth shut about any concerns they had. My spouse also says they are very happy that I homeschooled the way I did because it was exactly what our child needed and it worked. 
When our child was in upper middle school, we got very involved in robotics. Two of the teammates (siblings) were homeschooled by their father, a former engineer turned stay at home dad. We had a conversation once where he started talking about why his wife didn’t homeschool (his words: why he wouldn’t let his wife homeschool!) - she has adhd, she doesn’t check all the boxes, she wouldn’t give formal tests. He basically said every single thing about how I homeschooled verses how my spouse would have. 
I share this because there isn’t one right way to homeschool. I think there is a lot of “gut instinct” to parenting and to homeschooling. What feels right? (And I think that can/does change as the years go by.) Do you feel like your husband feels like he knows what he wants homeschooling to look like? Has he bought in to homeschooling? Personally, I can’t imagine homeschooling following my spouse’s plan. That may be my adhd/can’t check all the boxes personality talking. But I am very thankful that my spouse didn’t voice their concerns to me and that they trusted me to homeschool the way I felt was right for our child. 

[Ausmumof3]

Tricky hey? I think as long as kindy kid is engaged in play and doing reading and maths and not just having screen time the rest of the day kindy kid will learn ok. It might not look like what you’d hoped but you can’t really control that when you’re not home. Maybe after she’s had a little play break with her friends you can do some read aloud stuff with her or cooking in the evening. Although I guess with your early start you probably need sleep as well. 
 

My DH used to have a bit of time off and I tried to get him to do stuff with the kids like woodwork etc. but he just didn’t. He mostly scheduled other stuff and I was forever searching round for someone to look after the kids. Now they’re older I just assign stuff on my work days but wouldn’t work if I was working five days.

Is your baby especially difficult? I managed phonics etc most days with a five year old, toddler and baby on the go and breastfeeding as well. It seems surprising your husband can’t manage a little bit of school with your kindy kid.

[Clarita]

13 hours ago, TinyMama said:

Am I glamorizing kindergarten too much? Should it just be sit down, do this work and after 30-45 minutes, call it a day? 

Maybe a bit. Kindergarten was less than 45 min of total work for us. It only took an hour or so because we took breaks, had snacks and stuff. Afterwards, I might take them to a museum, the library, or something educational but that was all for fun. A lot of days it was free play.

You do need to talk to DH about your daughter not enjoying it and perhaps even talk all together including your daughter to come together on a consensus on what your homeschool looks like. Then I think ideally DH needs to step up and implement the plan. (Perhaps your MIL is done homeschooling children.)  

[SKL]

What is your daughter doing outside of the lessons your MIL and DH are doing with her?  Helping dad?  Playing pretend?  Going places?  Can you think of ways for Dad (or you) to build off those activities vs. switch to something they aren't naturally doing?

To test retention / reinforce daily lessons, I'd do a daily refresher with her each afternoon / evening, for maybe 15 minutes or so.  Maybe start it as her showing you what she learned today, and reinforce as needed.

My kids were in brick & mortar school, but I still had to work with one of them quite a bit to reinforce / reteach.  It might not be a bad idea to make this a normal part of the day, whether or not you continue homeschooling.

[Clemsondana]

Homeschooling a middle schooler is often very different from homeschooling a kid in early elementary, so even if she were enthusiastic your MIL could be coming in with a completely different mindset.  One of the benefits of homeschooling is that you don't need to move on until the material is mastered, so I wouldn't be comfortable with just going on to the next math lesson until the current one is understood.  I can't say whether more repetition of the lesson would help, or if there is a program that would better suit MIL's ability to teach and daughter's ability to learn.  I would also be concerned about phonics not being done - when my kids were in K-2, the must-dos were math, handwriting, and reading (at whatever level, whether it be phonics, spelling, vocabulary, and/or reading comprehension).  I did other things with my kids and we covered a lot of interesting material but they were things that I thought of as 'my preferred content' rather than necessities.  Would your MIL be willing to read to your K kid?  Anything good - fiction, nonfiction, fables, rhyming kid poetry, etc?  We did almost no output at all for our science and history until late elementary but I usually read one book (or one chapter of a longer lit work, or 1-2 Aesops fables or poems) for lit and then did something nonfiction - maybe we looked at a map and talked about a particular continent, or read a kid book about how plants grow or our 5 sense or whatever we were learning about.  If your daughter loves the crafts, it's a great thing to do with her but it's not a necessary part of school.  Neither of my kids were huge fans and one actively disliked doing crafts so we just looked at books or watched educational TV.  

School doesn't have to be something that is done all at once in the morning.  If you keep the current set-up,  I'd try to fit the phonics in with math and handwriting, but I wouldn't expect that they'd take more than an hour a day.  Often, the recommendation given by older homeschoolers is 1 hour per day per grade for seatwork, so less than an hour for K, 1 hour for 1st, 2 hrs for 2nd, etc, until you get to middle school.  It would be fine for your student to do the necessities in the morning and then you read 2 short things, one fiction and one nonfiction, at bedtime, or read the nonfiction to her when she eats a snack in the afternoon and then do fiction as a bedtime story.  And, I'm not specifically saying that you have to read both fiction and nonfiction, just giving an example of ways to cover content that you think is important - feel free to sub an afternoon craft or music instead of a nonfiction book, for instance.  You could also have school be an afternoon activity - your daughter plays in the morning and then you do 1-1.5 hrs of school with her in the afternoon. 

With my kids, I tried to give them a lot of downtime to play on their own and then offer educational TV and play.  So, our TV tended towards The Magic Schoolbus or The cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That or Wild Kratts and their toy offerings included puzzles and building supplies.  All of that was part of their education.  They also saw adult work, helping us in the garden sometimes, and they spent a lot of time outside.  If she's getting time for creative or educational play (dress up, blocks, sand box, dolls or toy cars or whatever) or active play on a swingset or bike or with a ball, or if she's working beside dad and MIL cooking or gardening or otherwise being productive then I wouldn't be too concerned...if she's spending 4 hours a day watching cartoons then I would.  And I definitely wouldn't be stressing about needing to spend all of my days off doing crafts.  If it's something that you and your daughter enjoy doing together, rock on.  If it's causing you stress or isn't fun to her, skip it.  If you think that your husband and MIL would be more willing to take daughter to something than do it with her, you might look and see if there are activities they could do - a homeschool story hour/class at the library, an art class at a rec center, a homeschool group that has a few enrichment classes once/week, etc.  These aren't necessary, but might help if you feel like she's not getting enough exposure to books or crafts during the day.  

[Heartstrings]

On 8/31/2024 at 1:03 PM, TinyMama said:

Am I glamorizing kindergarten too much? Should it just be sit down, do this work and after 30-45 minutes, call it a day? 

Yes.  For seat work, absolutely.  The rest should be spent on play.  Be outside, build blocks, play in mud, do a craft, play in the play kitchen, bake cookies, do a dance party.  
What are they doing with her outside of seat work?  

Edited September 1 by Heartstrings

[KungFuPanda]

This is tricky, because the adult doing the homeschooling should really be the one with the interest and follow-through to pull it off.  I can't imagine being a homeschooling parent and have my husband micromanaging the lesson plans or how the day should go.  That's just not going to work.  The good news is that you really can't mess up Kindergarten and if they teach her to read and do math, and you're doing read alouds and crafts with her, she's probably fine for now.  My concern is that if they have this little interest at the beginning of the journey, they're not going to properly educate her as she gets older and needs to spend more time on school.  

Since you cannot mess up kindergarten, you can choose to keep going the way you're going, OR you can send her to Kindergarten.  Not everyone is up to homeschooling while taking care of a baby and there's no shame in getting a little help.  Your DH and your MIL are not going to change the way they do things no matter how much prep you do.  Trying to push that agenda is futile.  

Is it possible for either your husband or MIL to get a job so that you're not the only income earner?  Do you have a 5 year plan?  You don't need one, but sometimes it helps to back up and figure out your big picture before making your day-to-day decisions for THIS year.  My personal standard was for my kids to be AT LEAST as educated as they would be in school and we live in an excellent school district.  I wanted homeschooling to enhance their lives, not limit them in any way.  At one point my youngest went to developmental preschool because that was best for HIM.  My oldest went to High School because that was best for HER.  It can be very hard to loosen the grip on your homeschooling dreams and really consider what's best for the child at that time.  Just remember you can change what you do from year to year so none of these decisions are permanent and, since you CANNOT mess up kindergarten, it's not vital that you figure everything out today.

[TinyMama]

My daughter spends her days building Legos. She builds houses and spends multiple hours doing it. She loves being crafty and making things. It's not like she spends all day staring at a screen or being plain bored. Everyone in my house is on board for homeschooling. I just wish they shared my passion is all. 

[Clarita]

2 hours ago, TinyMama said:

Everyone in my house is on board for homeschooling. I just wish they shared my passion is all. 

It really helped to get my husband a bit more involved in the homeschooling, when I demanded (for lack of a more gentle term) for him to participate in the deciding of the overall vision and curriculum picking/planning. They may be thinking that you have it all figured out and that you have this super solid vision that they need to implement. On the day to day though, they may have a hard time actually implementing, but don't feel like they can really push back with their ideas. (Or even know that they do have their own ideas.) 

Force them to tell you what their struggles are with the day to day and how you can make a plan that helps them achieve your goals.

[wendyroo]

On 8/31/2024 at 2:03 PM, TinyMama said:

I've written down and even organized by category many different tactile activities to do for the difference subjects. Some involving Play-Doh, a lot of going outside and very play based activities.

When I started homeschooling my oldest, ten years ago, I had visions of Five in a Row activities, arts and crafts, field trips, lap books, poetry memorization and math games.

I was the envisioner, the planner, and the implementer. I was determined and consistent and stead-fast. But, gosh darn it, my children did not share my vision. 😄

I have now homeschooled four children in grades K through 10, and none of them wanted "fun", interactive, picturesque learning activities that would look good in a homeschool blog. They have all strongly held the opinion that school is school, and leisure is leisure, and we should quickly accomplish the former so they can get on with the latter.

Now, don't tell any of them that what they consider leisure - reading, building with Snap Circuits, art classes, playing chess with their Spanish tutor, catching and studying insects, building and coding Lego, watching college lectures on Quantum Mechanics, playing the piano, etc - many others would actually consider "school" activities. In my kids' minds, learning is great as long as it is self-initiated and fun, and school is tolerable as long as it is done as efficiently as possible. 

C’est la vie. So we have never made a salt dough relief map. Even coloring in a map is too crafty for them, and is there even really a reason they have to write the place names on it?!?! No, if they can point and name places that will get the job done. When there is truly a pedagogical reason for pulling out the math manipulatives I will make it happen, but otherwise I won't fight them if they want to just do the worksheet (even orally) and move on with life. Far be if from me to insist they have to experientially learn about birds' nests by making one out of play dough, when what they really want to do is just go outside and watch the birds.

[TinyMama]

13 hours ago, wendyroo said:

When I started homeschooling my oldest, ten years ago, I had visions of Five in a Row activities, arts and crafts, field trips, lap books, poetry memorization and math games.

I was the envisioner, the planner, and the implementer. I was determined and consistent and stead-fast. But, gosh darn it, my children did not share my vision. 😄

I have now homeschooled four children in grades K through 10, and none of them wanted "fun", interactive, picturesque learning activities that would look good in a homeschool blog. They have all strongly held the opinion that school is school, and leisure is leisure, and we should quickly accomplish the former so they can get on with the latter.

Now, don't tell any of them that what they consider leisure - reading, building with Snap Circuits, art classes, playing chess with their Spanish tutor, catching and studying insects, building and coding Lego, watching college lectures on Quantum Mechanics, playing the piano, etc - many others would actually consider "school" activities. In my kids' minds, learning is great as long as it is self-initiated and fun, and school is tolerable as long as it is done as efficiently as possible. 

C’est la vie. So we have never made a salt dough relief map. Even coloring in a map is too crafty for them, and is there even really a reason they have to write the place names on it?!?! No, if they can point and name places that will get the job done. When there is truly a pedagogical reason for pulling out the math manipulatives I will make it happen, but otherwise I won't fight them if they want to just do the worksheet (even orally) and move on with life. Far be if from me to insist they have to experientially learn about birds' nests by making one out of play dough, when what they really want to do is just go outside and watch the birds.

Oh my gosh. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've spent so much time prepping and trying to find fun additional worksheets and crafts but my daughter doesn't like to do that. She wants to finish school and go play. I honestly don't know why I didn't see that earlier. Thank you! She's learning everything she needs to learn without the worksheets and the Play-Doh molds. 

[TinyMama]

On 9/1/2024 at 12:33 PM, Heartstrings said:

Yes.  For seat work, absolutely.  The rest should be spent on play.  Be outside, build blocks, play in mud, do a craft, play in the play kitchen, bake cookies, do a dance party.  
What are they doing with her outside of seat work?  

She spends many hours a day building Legos and first. She loves to draw and paint. She's in tumbling and piano outside of the home. My family just does her school quick and moves on. Which, I think I'm going to give a try and see if that helps. When I was a kid, I would have loved to spend my days doing worksheets and reading. I guess my kid isn't like that. Weird. Haha. 

[wendyroo]

1 hour ago, TinyMama said:

Oh my gosh. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've spent so much time prepping and trying to find fun additional worksheets and crafts but my daughter doesn't like to do that. She wants to finish school and go play. I honestly don't know why I didn't see that earlier. Thank you! She's learning everything she needs to learn without the worksheets and the Play-Doh molds. 

If it is any comfort, kids really can thrive on very little "school" and lots of free learning.

My youngest, Audrey, is either a very old 3rd grader or a very young 4th grader (it doesn't really matter, and I flip flop what I call her based on circumstances). Anyway, she is the extrovertiest of extroverts, and wants to be having fun with friends all day, every day. In some ways she might be a good fit for public school...except that she has oppositional defiant disorder, marches to the beat of her own drummer, and would lose her marbles when she saw how little recess and free time they get.

So, for Audrey, I am all about stealth schooling and finding experiences that she loves, and also can't avoid learning in. She and I have reached a tenuous compromise that she will work on ELA skills for 20 minutes, three times a week. That isn't much...except in her mind, her "Writing from the Imagination" class with friends doesn't count. And she is taking a Movie Making class, which talks about setting, character, plot, foreshadowing...but none of that counts as ELA in Audrey's mind. She is in a full day of Spanish immersion where they read poetry and biographies and put on plays...but, again, none of that is ELA in her mind...which, to be fair, it isn't English language arts, but Spanish language arts will work too.

Audrey is in 28 hours of extra curriculars each week, but I don't actually consider them extra-curricular - they are a fundamental part of her curriculum. The little bits of core subjects that we do at home offer her an informational spine, hooks to hang information on, a way of adding order and connection to all the topics and concepts she is learning everywhere she goes. But the classes and friends and experiences, those are making her want to learn.

[Arcadia]

On 8/31/2024 at 11:03 AM, TinyMama said:

My mother in law homeschooled her boys when they were in middle school so between her and my husband, they have talked about taking the reigns with her schooling.

Middle school is very different from kindergarten for parenting and homeschooling. My husband is the one that’s into homeschooling but he is the breadwinner and I am a SAHM. For us it works because he doesn’t question how I get it done and my parents gave me some money every month to spend as I wish on education related stuff. 

 

23 hours ago, TinyMama said:

My daughter spends her days building Legos

I love LEGOs and so do my kids. Does your MIL like being out of the house like my mom does? When my mom was helping me with my kids, we would walk to the bookstore and the library for story time (definitely) and to browse books. My kids learn their phones through Leapfrog (toy and books) and WordFriends (tv show on pbskids) because that’s how my kids learn. We carted stacks of Clifford the big red dog for DS18 when he was learning to read. We did a few pages of workbooks for math just so we don’t slack 🤣 and because my in-laws are traditional and need to see tangible output. My in-laws aren’t supportive on homeschooling and are still skeptical that my kids are somehow in college 🤦‍♀️ However, homeschooling wasn’t legal in my country of origin until my kids generation so the skepticism is understandable but the negativity is for my husband to deal with. 

[Jaybee]

It sounds like your daughter is getting many wonderful learning opportunities, and a variety of them! When my kids were little, I probably spent 30-45 minutes total on "school" stuff. I very much had the "3-R's"--reading, writing, and arithmetic--as the core for several years. Or, more simply put, language arts and math. That is what I wanted to make sure they had a strong base in, because with that, you can basically learn anything else. However, we did lots of read-alouds, the kids had access to tons of books both fact and fiction, educational toys (I consider Lego in that category, as well as blocks and any kind of open-ended toy), a "craft" closet that was well-supplied with a variety of materials to use as they wished. We had music CDs of kids' songs and classics, and they watched Nat Geo and Animal Planet. Our now NP daughter loved watching surgery shows. They played outside and dug in the dirt.

As a teacher, I was not much on the crafty side. My kids were crafty, but outside of our phonics and math. We used some manipulatives for math. Mostly, we got in short, solid lessons that built on one another, so mastery was learned over time, not a one-and-done. As far as the craft stuff, I didn't do them "with" my kids, other than teaching them how to cross-stitch when they wanted to learn. But because our craft closet was well-supplied, and we also had craft idea books, they could figure things out for themselves, and they did! If they needed help, I'd do it, but I didn't entertain them outside of reading aloud to them for hours, which we all enjoyed.

My kids were not early readers--I think they all learned in first grade. I was a little concerned about one because she seemed to be able to do the lesson for the day, but nothing more. Then all of a sudden, it clicked and she could read anything. Another was similar, but he was more of a "fact" guy, and he wasn't much into "stories" until probably around 4th grade. All of mine except the one with dyslexia (who has other gifts of very hard-working, self-advocating, and earning respect) had at least partial scholarships to universities, and they are all lovers of learning, so I'd say our methods were effective.

[wintermom]

When I first started homeschooling my two (at the time) dc I was fired up with confidence and I had a B. Ed, with several years teaching experience under my belt. I thought I knew what to do. My dc taught me how to homeschool them, and forced me to think outside of my preconcieved notions of what would be done and what would not be done in any given day. It was very educational for me! 

Gently, if you have never intentionally homeschooled this child or any others, then let your dh and mil figure out what to do. Put your materials away in a cupboard, and only bring them out when someone (adult or child) asks for them. 

My dh has a saying, "You can ask me to do something, but I decide how to do it." 

Edited September 8 by wintermom

[KungFuPanda]

10 hours ago, TinyMama said:

Oh my gosh. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've spent so much time prepping and trying to find fun additional worksheets and crafts but my daughter doesn't like to do that. She wants to finish school and go play. I honestly don't know why I didn't see that earlier. Thank you! She's learning everything she needs to learn without the worksheets and the Play-Doh molds. 

Try to remember that you only have to meet the objectives of the worksheet. You don’t have to DO the worksheet. If she can add with legos and form letters with play-doh, your goals are met. 

[Kanin]

10 hours ago, TinyMama said:

She's in tumbling and piano outside of the home.

Edited September 8 by Kanin

[Kanin]

Sorry, my post got messed up. Anyway, I was going to say that it's great she's into other things, too. I'm a teacher and we're seeing a lot of K and 1st graders who really don't know how to interact with other kids, how to resist distractions, or wait patiently. They're used to being on screens and being indoors, and having lots of instant gratification through screens.

[wintermom]

On 8/31/2024 at 2:03 PM, TinyMama said:

I'm the only one who reads with her or sets up the crafts. I read with her nightly and do crafts for school on my two days off, which are Thursday and Friday. I just feel like I'm getting no help. I've done a lot of research into homeschooling and I'm always looking up a ton of free resources to use with her schooling but no one else seems to care. 

...

Also, my MIL will do a math lesson a day with her and when she gets to the checkpoint, she can't do it. It's like she just reads the lesson plan, goes over it once and then gets ready for the next lesson the next day instead of waiting until she grasps the information. 

It's driving me nuts.

Thanks for listening! 

A lot of your frustration could well be due to the types of 'free resources' you've been looking into. Have you gone to homeschool conferences or book sales and talked with any homeschooling parents?  What are the learning objectives you have for kindergarden? Is you dd already mastering most/all of the typical outcomes (pretty likely for some children)? If not, what areas do you notice from your own interaction with your dd that she could use some attention?

38 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Try to remember that you only have to meet the objectives of the worksheet. You don’t have to DO the worksheet. If she can add with legos and form letters with play-doh, your goals are met. 

Personally, if the worksheets aren't working for your mil, dh or dd, then just note the observable skills typical at kindergarden, and ask your mil and dh to check off times and ways they observe dd demonstrating these. It doesn't have to be written. 

Also, ask your dh to do some research into educating young children and see what kinds of interesting activities and resources he comes up with. Ask your mil what were some fun and interesting things that she has used within her homeschooling time. Counting and reading hasn't changed in years, so there is no requirement that your 'free resources' are better then what she has successfully used and is familiar with.

[Terabith]

It was frustrating for me when I first started homeschooling, because I was working two days a week and the kids went those days to my MIL's house, and she disagreed with me on general educational philosophy.  It took me about a year to come to terms with it, honestly, because my gut instinct was to be too much of a micro manager, but honestly, after that first year, I really realized that it was actually better for my kids to have the variety.  I did insist on phonics/ reading and math were done every day (and a tiny bit of handwriting most days), but mostly I did those when I got home in the afternoons.  But on the days *I* was homeschooling my kids, we did hours of read alouds and educational science shows and some handwriting and a bit of Spanish and we practiced piano and did crafts and Story of the World and Montessori map puzzles and traditional classical educational stuff.  And on the days my MIL had them, they did some really cool project based and unschooling learning.  She did phenomenal stuff with my kids!   She was a potter and did pottery with my kids, and my oldest borrowed money to join the Blue Ridge Potter's Guild and at 6 became the youngest member and made pottery and also sold pottery and netted profits and deducted expenses.  She had a full fledged budget and economics learning.  And they talked about what made a community work, and they built a model community out of boxes and butcher paper, and they toured a zillion different places around town, including lots of behind the scenes stuff.  They had a project on frozen yogurt, because my kids were passionate about the subject, and they went to every frozen yogurt store in our town and got behind the scenes tours of them and learned how it was made and ate and rated the frozen yogurt at each place and wrote yelp reviews.  She taught them to sew both by hand and on an old fashioned treadle sewing machine and bake.  Girls weren't allowed into Boy Scouts then, and Girl Scouts didn't have any troops we could just join without me having to start one from scratch, so Grandma started "Pony Scouts" with the kids and the neighbor girl, and they worked their way through various Cub Scout handbooks from the 80s.  They made up uniforms and mottos and what not.  And they played a ton, both inside and outside, and they did extracurricular activities (that I arranged and took them to in the afternoons).  It actually wound up being a really good balance.  

So I totally and completely understand your frustration, but I also realize with the wisdom of hindsight that it doesn't work to get someone else to follow your plans, no matter how well intentioned.  And neither of my kids were the type to learn from play dough mats or any of the fun learning through play curricula stuff that I wanted to use.  But it actually worked out way better than what my plan originally was.  

[SKL]

Yeah, I don't even want to think about how much time and money I've spent on great materials that never got used.  Either my kids suddenly jumped multiple levels and didn't need the practice, or the materials just weren't a fit for my kids.

I agree that the variety of experiences is really the most important thing in KG - building a foundation of rich language, social and personal awareness, and general knowledge that will be used in later academics.  I also agree that the legos, piano lessons, and crafty pursuits are likely doing a lot for your child's math and science awareness & small-motor (pre writing) development, though she needn't know that.

If your daughter seems to be falling behind, consider trying some learning videos or online math games that may be available for free through your library.  These may engage her more than worksheets.

[Hyacinth]

6 hours ago, Terabith said:

It was frustrating for me when I first started homeschooling, because I was working two days a week and the kids went those days to my MIL's house, and she disagreed with me on general educational philosophy.  It took me about a year to come to terms with it, honestly, because my gut instinct was to be too much of a micro manager, but honestly, after that first year, I really realized that it was actually better for my kids to have the variety.  I did insist on phonics/ reading and math were done every day (and a tiny bit of handwriting most days), but mostly I did those when I got home in the afternoons.  But on the days *I* was homeschooling my kids, we did hours of read alouds and educational science shows and some handwriting and a bit of Spanish and we practiced piano and did crafts and Story of the World and Montessori map puzzles and traditional classical educational stuff.  And on the days my MIL had them, they did some really cool project based and unschooling learning.  She did phenomenal stuff with my kids!   She was a potter and did pottery with my kids, and my oldest borrowed money to join the Blue Ridge Potter's Guild and at 6 became the youngest member and made pottery and also sold pottery and netted profits and deducted expenses.  She had a full fledged budget and economics learning.  And they talked about what made a community work, and they built a model community out of boxes and butcher paper, and they toured a zillion different places around town, including lots of behind the scenes stuff.  They had a project on frozen yogurt, because my kids were passionate about the subject, and they went to every frozen yogurt store in our town and got behind the scenes tours of them and learned how it was made and ate and rated the frozen yogurt at each place and wrote yelp reviews.  She taught them to sew both by hand and on an old fashioned treadle sewing machine and bake.  Girls weren't allowed into Boy Scouts then, and Girl Scouts didn't have any troops we could just join without me having to start one from scratch, so Grandma started "Pony Scouts" with the kids and the neighbor girl, and they worked their way through various Cub Scout handbooks from the 80s.  They made up uniforms and mottos and what not.  And they played a ton, both inside and outside, and they did extracurricular activities (that I arranged and took them to in the afternoons).  It actually wound up being a really good balance.  

So I totally and completely understand your frustration, but I also realize with the wisdom of hindsight that it doesn't work to get someone else to follow your plans, no matter how well intentioned.  And neither of my kids were the type to learn from play dough mats or any of the fun learning through play curricula stuff that I wanted to use.  But it actually worked out way better than what my plan originally was.  

Wow. I want your MIL to homeschool me. 

[Janeway]

Your husband should be doing the lesson planning and such. I know that if someone else made all the lesson plans and left me there to do them, I would not get excited about them and not likely do them. Start watching videos on various things with him and get to a convention in the spring or whenever they happen. Don’t worry much about not doing a whole lot in kindergarten. And don’t ask your daughter her opinion of the day. Kids tend to accept what they are given, unless someone else tips them off to it not being okay. 
 

Honestly, if my husband treated our homeschool the way you are, I would give up on it. I know as a mom you probably feel you need to make sure everything is being done. But he is the one there. He needs to be allowed the freedom to homeschool how it works for him. And a kindergartener really does not need any curriculum at all. Give her an app and read with her at bedtime. I have always liked Leap Frog videos and feel they really did a lot for my children.

 

[wintermom]

14 hours ago, Terabith said:

It was frustrating for me when I first started homeschooling, because I was working two days a week and the kids went those days to my MIL's house, and she disagreed with me on general educational philosophy.  It took me about a year to come to terms with it, honestly, because my gut instinct was to be too much of a micro manager, but honestly, after that first year, I really realized that it was actually better for my kids to have the variety.  I did insist on phonics/ reading and math were done every day (and a tiny bit of handwriting most days), but mostly I did those when I got home in the afternoons.  But on the days *I* was homeschooling my kids, we did hours of read alouds and educational science shows and some handwriting and a bit of Spanish and we practiced piano and did crafts and Story of the World and Montessori map puzzles and traditional classical educational stuff.  And on the days my MIL had them, they did some really cool project based and unschooling learning.  She did phenomenal stuff with my kids!   She was a potter and did pottery with my kids, and my oldest borrowed money to join the Blue Ridge Potter's Guild and at 6 became the youngest member and made pottery and also sold pottery and netted profits and deducted expenses.  She had a full fledged budget and economics learning.  And they talked about what made a community work, and they built a model community out of boxes and butcher paper, and they toured a zillion different places around town, including lots of behind the scenes stuff.  They had a project on frozen yogurt, because my kids were passionate about the subject, and they went to every frozen yogurt store in our town and got behind the scenes tours of them and learned how it was made and ate and rated the frozen yogurt at each place and wrote yelp reviews.  She taught them to sew both by hand and on an old fashioned treadle sewing machine and bake.  Girls weren't allowed into Boy Scouts then, and Girl Scouts didn't have any troops we could just join without me having to start one from scratch, so Grandma started "Pony Scouts" with the kids and the neighbor girl, and they worked their way through various Cub Scout handbooks from the 80s.  They made up uniforms and mottos and what not.  And they played a ton, both inside and outside, and they did extracurricular activities (that I arranged and took them to in the afternoons).  It actually wound up being a really good balance.  

So I totally and completely understand your frustration, but I also realize with the wisdom of hindsight that it doesn't work to get someone else to follow your plans, no matter how well intentioned.  And neither of my kids were the type to learn from play dough mats or any of the fun learning through play curricula stuff that I wanted to use.  But it actually worked out way better than what my plan originally was.  

Your mil and I are kindred spirits. This is exactly what I did with my dc, and not just in kindy. Project- and life-based learning is/was a huge deal in my B. Ed. classes, but sadly most classroom teachers are not able to do it justice due to having a large group in a classroom and limited transportation options. 

I loved those outings and projects with the dc! 

Edited September 9 by wintermom

[happypamama]

Just to add: if you like doing involved craft projects, and your daughter does too, maybe those can be special things the two of you do on your days off. It can be a lot to do involved projects with a baby in tow, so they may just not hit your husband's radar. But it's okay to have special things kids do with the working parent too. 

 

I think you have to have your husband's input as well. Certain objectives need to be met, but the one doing the teaching has to do so in a way that works for them.