Kalypso Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 Here’s the situation: My dh has a friend that was in a horrible car accident about a month ago. Right now the friend is in a rehab facility and has no feeling from the chest down. My dh visits him weekly, and the wife and I exchange texts about how he is doing. I haven’t stopped in to see him because it would be weird for me to go alone. I plan to visit this week with my dh with the idea of seeing the friend and his wife. My question: What could I take as a thoughtful gift or useful thing for either of them? All of you are always so helpful, and I’m hoping you’ll have some good ideas. 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 It kind of depends on how close friends your dh is to the man and his family. If your dh could ask the man or the wife directly about what supports might be helpful, that would point you in the right direction. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 If the wife is there a lot, she probably has to buy food. Sometimes a gift card for a nearby food place is helpful. If she has kids at home, maybe providing a meal or other service for the kids while she's visiting her DH can be helpful. If she's a reader, maybe a gift card to an online bookstore, or just giving her some books you've finished reading. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 Even if the rehab facility is relatively local to the family home, she’s probably using a lot of gas back and forth. A gift card for gas might free up funds they need for other things. Meals are always nice too. I think asking is a good idea if they are likely to give an answer and not put you off. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 I agree with asking about what is needed. If you don’t feel comfortable asking, or think they won’t be able to articulate their needs, I would go with Door Dash gift cards, food gift cards (local restaurants), or make meals for the wife (and I’m guessing kids). Cleaning help could be good — but also might add stress so I wouldn’t do that unless you know them well and think it’s a fit. Gas cards. For the rehab room — I just don’t know, but my heart says something that your friend can see from bed might be nice. Just a reminder that you guys care. I can’t imagine all the feelings going on there, but any reminder that he’s not alone might be good. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 I'd give something small, maybe a new book or something, and then a Thinking of You type of Hallmark card with cash in it. Gift cards are nice, but cash gives her flexibility for all the little things that come up with hospital stays. And ask her directly: "you have a lot of responsibilities you're juggling right now. Please give me something to take off your shoulders. I can ___, ____, ____, or whatever you need the most." It covers everything: acknowledgement of the situation, an offer of help, concrete choices so she doesn't have to manufacture something. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 (edited) The more crises I'm peripheral too, the more I question the giving of gifts. People in crisis need money. Spending money on a thoughtful gift when you could be funding hospital parking, lunch, groceries, and bills -- it seems a little bit insulated from the realities of the situation. (Some exceptions apply, such as: If you have something on hand that you wouldn't spend money on anyways. If the gift is some combination of an object and your labour (like a meal) or mostly a service (like driving them places). If shopping/securing needed objects is difficult, and you know what they actually might need or want in the situation. If they are likely to spend money on necessities and there's a luxury you really want for them. If they are of sufficient wealth that this kind of crisis isn't at all hard for them to cover themselves.) For me, a home made card, with thoughtful note, and whatever cash gift is most reasonable for my standard of living and theirs. Give it to them as you are leaving, so you aren't available to give it back to. Edited July 3 by bolt. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 Money for gas/food. Cash is nice or Venmo so they can use anyway needed. possibly lawn care if that is needed. If they have kids and you know them, providing some sort of normalcy for them….pizza and mini golf, a park day or whatever fits their needs. Or help driving the kids to activities. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 I agree with the suggestions so far. I will add that boredom is a factor for patients. I don’t think it would be weird for you to visit alone—they’re too hurt and desperate to care. After you step in and he feels surprised for a minute, then it’s done and your visit is just a nice gesture from someone who cares. Some chitchat or reading aloud or games go a long way. He can tell you how to move his checkers or whatever game pieces. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 Treat food. They never get that in those places. Nuts and Bolts, Bonbel cheeses wrapped individually, homemade cookies. Maybe fudge. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 Cash and/or gift card along with a physical gift is lovely. I would put together a gift basket of treats - quality chocolates, nuts, nice candy, etc.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 My Mom had very little room when she was in rehab, but that could depend. She really appreciated cards. I appreciated going out to lunch while someone else sat with my Mom. Maybe the wife would go with you if your husband was visiting? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 cash if you think finances are an issue treat foods otherwise It was always a highlight for me during long hospital stays if a friend brought lunch for me and them and we just ate together. Dh was holding down the fort with the kids at home and things got lonely and tedious, and the food where I stayed was repetitive and not stellar. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 Thank you so much for these suggestions! I'm putting together a mix of all of the ideas into a small basket. The wife is definitely the type to tell me she doesn't need anything. I will offer again in person when I see her. Such a difficult situation. Fortunately, their children are grown, and their ds20 is living with them. She doesn't have to worry about childcare or all of the household chores. Thank you again for the ideas. I really appreciate it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 5 minutes ago, Kalypso said: Thank you so much for these suggestions! I'm putting together a mix of all of the ideas into a small basket. The wife is definitely the type to tell me she doesn't need anything. I will offer again in person when I see her. Such a difficult situation. Fortunately, their children are grown, and their ds20 is living with them. She doesn't have to worry about childcare or all of the household chores. Thank you again for the ideas. I really appreciate it! Then possibly a nice lunch out with her or a walk around the rehab center. I am assuming she is going home at night. when one friend had a child in the hospital, I would show up and we would go for a walk and lunch and she appreciated that (I brought along child”s aunt to sit with the child) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 My dad absolutely loved getting, of all things, McDonald’s milkshakes when he was in rehab and assisted living. Burgers, too. Obs those would have to be brought in from very close by, in the moment. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanie32 Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 When my son was in the hospital and rehab after a bad car accident, the emotional support and financial help were huge for us! Gifts are nice but when you are spending a fortune on gas, hotels and food just to be with your injured love one and care for him/her the cash gifts really help to relieve financial stress so the family can focus on the patient and on mental health for everyone involved. I honestly don’t know what we would have done without the financial support of our family, church, friends and community. It made us feel so supported and loved. We will never forget their generosity. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 I'm sorry for your friend and family. What a scary situation, especially if they don't yet know if this will be long-term paralysis or what. When my family member was in the hospital and then rehab out of state for 6 months, I practically lived at the facility, going back to temporary lodging only to sleep. I did have kids with me. What I really appreciated was gift cards to local restaurants. I could spend all day at the facility, and didn't have to think of cooking anything for dinner. We could just grab a bite to eat on the way home. Apart from that, I really appreciated when a friend or family member would just pick me up and take me out to lunch, as a little break that felt semi-normal. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 Visa gift card. If you have mutual friends go in on it together and give it to them in a card. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 Money. Cash or cash app or Zelle or Venmo. When she gets home ask if she would be ok with you organizing a week or more of meals delivered. When my parents were in a horrific car accident, I had two full weeks of friends bringing supper and it was very very helpful. They offered more time but thought we were ready to get back to doing meals ourselves. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 (edited) I am so sorry! Meals or money/cash/gift cards. . . It is amazing how fast stuff adds up when you have someone in the hospital. Restaurant gift cards, VISA gift cards, even grocery store gift cards were helpful to us because they could be used for gas or snacks/prepared meals, and it took a load off of us not to have to worry about those things. You could also offer to run errands, but specifically. Like, "I'm going to the library after I see you -- could I take any books back?" or "I'm going to the grocery store -- do you need milk, eggs, anything?" The less she has to think about what she needs, probably the better. I appreciated cards and notes that said people were thinking of/praying for us too, and especially in this situation, that might be nice down the road a bit after the initial support fades. Edited July 4 by happypamama 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 11 hours ago, Kalypso said: The wife is definitely the type to tell me she doesn't need anything. For my relatives and friends that would reject gift cards, they are less likely to reject snacks, drinks (e.g. coconut water, watermelon juice, orange juice, lemonade) and going out for a meal while someone holds the fort. If you know what she likes to eat or drink, that might be easier. For example, I have bought prepackaged sandwiches and iced coffee from the hospital cafeteria for parents of the sick children that I visited almost daily because I already knew their preferences. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 Take him some Recommendations for games he can play on his phone. When I was in hospital the ward psychologist recommended to me to play phone games to distract my mind. She recommended suduko and candy crush 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 Assuming your friend is able to eat regular food, take in a homemade meal and some dessert that you know the friend likes. Hospital food and fast food get old really fast. Often times the rehab center will have a fridge that they can keep a little something in if there is some left over. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 Another thought, if he doesn't already have it, is audiobooks along with a small player / convenient device. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolin'mygirls Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 When my dad was in rehab, one thing he appreciated was a clock that also had day of the week and date on it it’s easy for time to get mixed up in hospital — days all run together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.