What Would You Do?

[Condessa]

We bought our 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath house in 2019.  Since then, housing prices have grown here dramatically, and while they have cooled off a little recently, our house is currently valued at 160% of our purchase price.  We also refinanced at the low point so have an excellent interest rate.  We were considering moving across the border to the neighboring state with far better schools despite the huge difference in cost a while back, until we found a workaround to allow our kids who want the brick-and-mortar school experience to attend high school over there without having to move.  Dh and I have been talking about some possibilities:

A) Move to a house with another bedroom in town with high school.  We could probably manage this financially, but it would put a huge dent in our ability to help the kids with college expenses.  Dd14 would absolutely love this, but I don’t think the cost in kids’ future debt would be worth it.

B) Move to a house with another bedroom nearby.  This would not be as expensive as moving across state lines, but it would still be far more expensive than what we are paying now and put a very large dent in our ability to help the kids with college costs.  Same problem as above, really, if not quite as severe.

C) Just deal with being in tight quarters.  Three kids in a room is not bad, especially using triple bunks, though it might be tougher to make teens share with a toddler if baby is a girl than it is having 9 and 11 year olds share with a toddler.  The girls will be launching into adulthood in 4 and 6 years.  Of course, if baby is another boy, we would be looking at four kids in one room, which I think is a lot with our bedroom sizes.  We could give the boys the master bedroom and take their room to help with that.  This one is most comfortable financially and least comfortable in living arrangements.

D) Use a home equity loan or line-of-credit to build a storage shed and convert our garage into more living space.  We have both a carport and a double garage and park the cars in the carport, so the garage is basically just used as storage space.  There is very, very little storage space in this house, so I would want the storage shed.  This would certainly be the most economical way to get more living space, but also a lot of work.  And the work would fall on me.  I would want to do the parts of it that we can on our own to save money in sweat equity.  Dh is not handy at all.  He is basically my willing muscle in home and yard improvement projects, but I am the planner, budgeter, and executer.  I am exhausted with this pregnancy and overwhelmed at the idea of taking on a project like this.  Of course, it would be possible to just take on greater debt to be able to hire a contractor to manage all of it, but that doesn’t feel very financially responsible.  Or I could wait until after I am through the pregnancy and overwhelming new baby phase to begin, but then there’s a diminishing return on the amount of time that our family of eight would actually enjoy the larger space before kids are moving out and the need is less.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I have 3 kids in a 3 bedroom house, but DH is a contractor part time and plans to turn the garage into living space.    
My parents had six kids in a 3 bedroom house for a long time.  The baby slept in their room, then 3 of my siblings shared a room and I shared a small room with 1 sibling. It worked because we had both a large family and living room, plus seventeen acres of outdoor space, and we just didn’t play in our bedrooms.  We moved away from that house when that baby was 2(they had more children after moving). It is doable. If the rooms are large enough, or you switch the master bedroom, maybe see if there are room dividers that would work to give more of a private space. 

Frankly, I would prioritize paying for college and get a couple of quotes on how much it would be to turn the garage into living space.  

[fairfarmhand]

Option d. We did this and it wasn’t too bad but you’ll want to wait till you’re done with pregnancy and new baby. Seriously waiting another year is nothing. And I know you’ll enjoy the space far longer than you expect. I promise. My kids were like 20, 16, 13, and 11 when we closed in our garage and even now with 2 out of the house the space is so useful. We call the extra bedroom “spare oom” and my grandson sleeps in there for naps. Ds uses the quiet desk in there when he needs to do school work undisturbed and I use it from time to time too. My dd used the extra bedroom when they were working on her apartment this summer. I promise, just Because they turn 18 doesn’t mean they won’t need your house!

[JustEm]

I'd pick d. But I'd not even consider doing it until baby was at least 1. Until then I'd just have the baby stay in my room.

[SKL]

I think I would buy time by putting the baby in with your boys, regardless of the baby's sex, until you have more energy and more information to decide about expanding your house.  I would switch bedrooms so the kids would have more room.

[maize]

We basically opted for your option 4--build a storage shed and convert the garage into living space. It was by far the least expensive way to improve our living situation/add square footage. We did hire out the work for both. 

It works. I do still sometimes wish for a bigger house,  especially as it looks like my 18 year with ASD may be living with us longterm; the "big kids will launch and leave more space" thing doesn't always happen. Overall though I think I prefer having a little more wiggle room in the family budget to having more space. 

 

[mommyoffive]

How far away is the high school that your kids want to attend?  And which ones want to do that?  One, more than one?  If there was a big commute that would weigh on my decision. 

[QueenCat]

A or D. Definitely NOT C. I wouldn't expect that many kids to share a room. 3 is already too much. How

do they get any privacy?

[Condessa]

10 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

How far away is the high school that your kids want to attend?  And which ones want to do that?  One, more than one?  If there was a big commute that would weigh on my decision. 

It’s about 25 minutes away, if you don’t get stuck behind a tractor.  (Happens about 1 out of 4 trips, and then it takes about 45 minutes to get there.)  But there is a bus they take, so usually it doesn’t matter.  Dd14 is enrolled there and dd12 is planning on it.  Ds11 hasn’t decided yet and ds9 will almost certainly homeschool all the way through.  Dd14 tried out for cheerleading and made the team, but then we found out that their crazy practice schedule would have had me driving her once or twice a day, five days a week, the whole school year, and I said no.

[Condessa]

7 minutes ago, QueenCat said:

A or D. Definitely NOT C. I wouldn't expect that many kids to share a room. 3 is already too much. How

do they get any privacy?

Well, the 1-year-old nominally shares a room with the older boys now.  In practice his little clothes dresser and crib are in there and he naps there in the afternoon and sleeps there from about 10 at night until the early hours of the morning when he snuggles in with me.  

[Arcadia]

I’ll pick option D. We have four of us in a one bedroom condo and make do. However the living room is a study area and dining area. Our dining room is our store room. My aunt had 8 people in a two bed one bath apartment. The main thing would be how many hours do you typically have everyone at home other than sleeping time. My kids spent most of their time at their community college campus during high school years so they didn’t need much space at home. 

[teachermom2834]

We recently (two days ago!) bought a new house even thought we had an amazing interest rate and interest rates now are terrible. And it is much more monthly that could go to dd’s college in three years (last one left…we have gotten 3 through already).

A few thoughts- we made alot of money on our house we sold and it felt like a good time to get out of that house in that neighborhood. So it felt like we should get out while the getting was good.

We moved closer to dd’s school and her friends. We could have kept making it work but this is a significant quality of life move. It didn’t seem to make sense to wait any longer and lose the time she could take advantage of being close to her school.

As far as college costs go- we have been through that 3 times now and kind of know what to expect and we know our dd will need to go somewhere within a certain price range. And the schools that are more than that are so very much more than that they are out of reach no matter where we live. That might not make sense but people that have been through it probably get what I am saying to some degree. Yes, every little bit helps but the difference between schools dd can afford and ones she might like but can’t afford is so huge it is more than the difference in our mortgage payment. Of course are talking about one child here at this point.

Having been in the place of having more kids than space three boys in a room didn’t work for us. The youngest just got picked on and pushed around too much by the older two. I am embarassed by that and I’m sure I could have been a better parent but getting my youngest son out of the room with his older two brothers was important and I could never have anticipated it in advance. I have generally good nice kids, btw. It just didn’t work. 
 

Yes, you can make anything work. I have BTDT more than I want to explain. But I am not so idealistic as to say there is not sometimes some carnage that comes along with too many people crammed in too small a space. It is really really nice to have enough room and it isn’t wrong to decide that is a priority. 
 

We have gotten three through college on a shoestring and I don’t think it is wrong to prioritize the comfort and function of your whole family to some degree. Only you can decide where there balance is. 
 

I admit I used to be somewhat prideful about making everything work and scraping by and just making do and not needing anything extra (space or otherwise). I have come to realize that sometimes that bears it’s own cost too in stress and relationships. Just something to consider. 
 

 

[Condessa]

33 minutes ago, QueenCat said:

A or D. Definitely NOT C. I wouldn't expect that many kids to share a room. 3 is already too much. How

do they get any privacy?

On the other hand, I shared a room with my two sisters as a kid and it was no big deal while we were younger.  Also, a few years back my girls shared with their little foster sister and they offered to have her older sister move in with them (come live with us) so they could be together.  We did switch rooms and give the girls the master during that time, and it worked fine at that age.  Teens are so much more moody and need their privacy more, it seems like, though.

Edited September 24, 2023 by Condessa

[Jaybee]

I see why people are choosing D. But my first reaction is A. Because over time, all of your kids will benefit in being close to the school they will be attending as far as friendships, extra curriculars, and time saved in commutes. You can all participate more in the community life that tends to center around school life if you are on-site. It sounds like your kids would really enjoy that.

It is true that college costs are huge. What are the possibilities in the other town/state as far as summer jobs through high school? How about acommunity college? Is there a good local tech school there or near there if you have one/some who want to go a different route? Any commutable universities? Just wondering if there are other amenities that would add to the value of living there that might make it even more worth the cost.

[Harriet Vane]

7 minutes ago, Condessa said:

On the other hand, I shared a room with my two sisters as a kid and it was no big deal until the teen years.  Also, a few years back my girls shared with their little foster sister and they offered to have her older sister move in with them (come live with us) so they could be together.  We did switch rooms and give the girls the master during that time, and it worked fine at that age.  Teens are so much more moody and need their privacy more, it seems like, though.

The need for privacy is very much a first-world issue, to be honest. And there are ways to create small privacy spaces for everyone with a little out-of-the-box thinking. Use curtains and bookcases to create nooks. Look around and see if there is a corner here or there that can be turned into a nook for someone. Stick a bunk bed smack in the middle of the room to create two "rooms," and use curtains on one side of each bunk to create a privacy wall on one side. (My mom did this, without the curtains--just the bed in the middle--and it worked well for me and my sister who is six years younger than me.) My point is there are ways to make space work, and being creative helps financially in the long run.

I say aim for D knowing that you'll be doing C for just a little bit until you're past the baby intensity.

 

[Drama Llama]

35 minutes ago, Condessa said:

It’s about 25 minutes away, if you don’t get stuck behind a tractor.  (Happens about 1 out of 4 trips, and then it takes about 45 minutes to get there.)  But there is a bus they take, so usually it doesn’t matter.  Dd14 is enrolled there and dd12 is planning on it.  Ds11 hasn’t decided yet and ds9 will almost certainly homeschool all the way through.  Dd14 tried out for cheerleading and made the team, but then we found out that their crazy practice schedule would have had me driving her once or twice a day, five days a week, the whole school year, and I said no.

I would want my kids to do things like sports.  Being close to school would be a very high priority for me.  

[Condessa]

9 minutes ago, Jaybee said:

I see why people are choosing D. But my first reaction is A. Because over time, all of your kids will benefit in being close to the school they will be attending as far as friendships, extra curriculars, and time saved in commutes. You can all participate more in the community life that tends to center around school life if you are on-site. It sounds like your kids would really enjoy that.

It is true that college costs are huge. What are the possibilities in the other town/state as far as summer jobs through high school? How about acommunity college? Is there a good local tech school there or near there if you have one/some who want to go a different route? Any commutable universities? Just wondering if there are other amenities that would add to the value of living there that might make it even more worth the cost.

The community college and most shopping are in our current town, as are my kids’ sports.  Summer jobs for teens pay double here what they do in the other town.  I have heard that jobs for teens are very easy to get there.  The closest university is about 45 minutes from our current town, about an hour from the high school town.

[Harriet Vane]

4 minutes ago, Drama Llama said:

I would want my kids to do things like sports.  Being close to school would be a very high priority for me.  

This is a ticklish point.

Kids who go to private schools often have a bit of a drive to school. I had a bit of a drive to my high school. The drive for my son's high school was about 25 minutes. People work it out--we drive a lot day to day understanding it's just for a while, or we carpool with others, or the kid waits a little longer to be picked up sometimes. Many families get an extra car for teens to drive themselves. That may be cheaper than moving to a higher COL area.

The bottom line is that managing space or managing distance to activities is more a matter of mindset. So these kinds of decisions should be based on a keen awareness of what you can and cannot live with. (I can live with a fair amount of driving but I have a good friend who really just cannot face a lot of driving, for example). When you know what you are or are not willing to do, then the logistics can be worked out from there.

 

[Corraleno]

I would look carefully at the different public college options in each state and see if there are any advantages (higher quality, lower tuition, better scholarships, preferred majors, etc.) to being in one state or the other before I would make a decision about moving.

[Condessa]

12 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

I would look carefully at the different public college options in each state and see if there are any advantages (higher quality, lower tuition, better scholarships, preferred majors, etc.) to being in one state or the other before I would make a decision about moving.

Of course at my kids’ ages we don’t really know what they will decide, but there is a high likelihood that my kids will go private for college.  Our church has a few private colleges that are both better ranked and less expensive than anything available publicly in either state.

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, teachermom2834 said:

We recently (two days ago!) bought a new house even thought we had an amazing interest rate and interest rates now are terrible. And it is much more monthly that could go to dd’s college in three years (last one left…we have gotten 3 through already).

A few thoughts- we made alot of money on our house we sold and it felt like a good time to get out of that house in that neighborhood. So it felt like we should get out while the getting was good.

We moved closer to dd’s school and her friends. We could have kept making it work but this is a significant quality of life move. It didn’t seem to make sense to wait any longer and lose the time she could take advantage of being close to her school.

As far as college costs go- we have been through that 3 times now and kind of know what to expect and we know our dd will need to go somewhere within a certain price range. And the schools that are more than that are so very much more than that they are out of reach no matter where we live. That might not make sense but people that have been through it probably get what I am saying to some degree. Yes, every little bit helps but the difference between schools dd can afford and ones she might like but can’t afford is so huge it is more than the difference in our mortgage payment. Of course are talking about one child here at this point.

Having been in the place of having more kids than space three boys in a room didn’t work for us. The youngest just got picked on and pushed around too much by the older two. I am embarassed by that and I’m sure I could have been a better parent but getting my youngest son out of the room with his older two brothers was important and I could never have anticipated it in advance. I have generally good nice kids, btw. It just didn’t work. 
 

Yes, you can make anything work. I have BTDT more than I want to explain. But I am not so idealistic as to say there is not sometimes some carnage that comes along with too many people crammed in too small a space. It is really really nice to have enough room and it isn’t wrong to decide that is a priority. 
 

We have gotten three through college on a shoestring and I don’t think it is wrong to prioritize the comfort and function of your whole family to some degree. Only you can decide where there balance is. 
 

I admit I used to be somewhat prideful about making everything work and scraping by and just making do and not needing anything extra (space or otherwise). I have come to realize that sometimes that bears it’s own cost too in stress and relationships. Just something to consider. 
 

 

I found this true as well wrt to sibling dynamics. I also was a wee bit judgmental about making things work and making kids get along etc. i found they got along so much better with more space. I have kids with intense personalities. Other kids seem to do just fine with minor bickering and mine probably could have done so if there was no other choice. But our lives were all immeasurably improved by the extra space. 

[Drama Llama]

43 minutes ago, Condessa said:

Of course at my kids’ ages we don’t really know what they will decide, but there is a high likelihood that my kids will go private for college.  Our church has a few private colleges that are both better ranked and less expensive than anything available publicly in either state.

If you have a certain college in mind it might be worth it to investigate how they financial aid works.  It might be that if your money is tied up in equity that would be a good thing come college.

[Frances]

If three bedrooms was enough for a family of seven, I don’t see it being much of a difference for a family of eight until the baby is at least school aged, so I would opt for option d, but with no rush to implement it. I would definitely give up the master bedroom once the new baby is no longer sleeping in that room. Until very recently, we always used the smallest bedroom for our master and we only had one child.

[BusyMom5]

I'd box in the garage/ carport and make a space for the older 2 girls bedroom and all kids lounging space.  I keep my babies in bedroom for at least a year,  so no hurry. 

[maize]

2 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

The need for privacy is very much a first-world issue, to be honest. And there are ways to create small privacy spaces for everyone with a little out-of-the-box thinking. Use curtains and bookcases to create nooks. Look around and see if there is a corner here or there that can be turned into a nook for someone. Stick a bunk bed smack in the middle of the room to create two "rooms," and use curtains on one side of each bunk to create a privacy wall on one side. (My mom did this, without the curtains--just the bed in the middle--and it worked well for me and my sister who is six years younger than me.) My point is there are ways to make space work, and being creative helps financially in the long run.

I say aim for D knowing that you'll be doing C for just a little bit until you're past the baby intensity.

 

Yep, we are creative with privacy.

For changing clothes, my kids mostly use the bathrooms. If those are occupied they often use my room (which is usually empty during the day). All clothes are kept in the laundry area.

We use room divider screens a lot as well.

Having an entire room for one's personal use at all times is far from a human norm. 

I'm not saying it isn't nice,  but it's definitely a want not a need. 

[maize]

I currently have 4 boys ages 6-18 sharing a room. This is at least partly their choice, there are other possible configurations and the 18 year old has been offered a private room. He prefers to share.  The current set-up is one full-size bed and a triple twin bunk. We're getting ready to change that to a full-size bunk and a twin bunk. I'd prefer an xl twin bunk but am having trouble finding one; tall boys need bigger beds.

My babies and toddlers always stayed in my room until at least age 3.

[KungFuPanda]

I wouldn’t have let my daughter try out for a team then made her quit. I’d just resign myself to making the trips with the understanding that she gets her license as soon as possible. Then, when the next kid is in high school she can help with that driving too. 
 

I think making the garage a flex-purpose room is a great idea. I have a family room in my house that’s been 4 different things. The versatility is nice. 
 

You’re looking at more that a few years before the crowd eases. College students are home all the time . . . summer, holidays, weekends on a whim.  They usually need a dedicated space until they get their first apartment after graduation. So you’re looking at housing 8 people for 8 more years and that’s IF your DD moves out after college graduation. Sometimes they boomerang. 
 

Do you have any extra rooms that can be repurposed? If you have a LR, DR, and FR, can one of those can be used for something else? We need floor plans!

Edited September 24, 2023 by KungFuPanda

[Condessa]

23 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I wouldn’t have let my daughter try out for a team then made her quit. I’d just resign myself to making the trips with the understanding that she gets her license as soon as possible. Then, when the next kid is in high school she can help with that driving too. 

The other sports teams have practice directly after school during their season.  I wasn’t aware that cheerleading has a constantly changing, year-round schedule until dd found out at the tryout.  I was prepared to do the driving so she could participate until we found out, but I can’t give up 50 to 100 minutes per day the whole school year and make the other kids all give up their activities that conflict with the weird times.

[Condessa]

31 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I think making the garage a flex-purpose room is a great idea. I have a family room in my house that’s been 4 different things. The versatility is nice. 
 

You’re looking at more that a few years before the crowd eases. College students are home all the time . . . summer, holidays, weekends on a whim.  They usually need a dedicated space until they get their first apartment after graduation. So you’re looking at housing 8 people for 8 more years and that’s IF your DD moves out after college graduation. Sometimes they boomerang. 
 

Do you have any extra rooms that can be repurposed? If you have a LR, DR, and FR, can one of those can be used for something else? We need floor plans!

There’s the bedrooms and bathrooms, small kitchen, dining, and living room/entry room on the ground floor, and the finished basement room that is our homeschooling room/library/family room.  The basement could be turned into bedroom space if a door were installed and egress windows and closet space, but it is where our family does most of our living, working, and playing together.  
 

We first considered building more basement space (the basement is less than half the square footage of the upstairs, the rest of the house has crawlspace under it), but that would be much more expensive than converting the garage.

Edited September 24, 2023 by Condessa

[KungFuPanda]

Since your basement space is your main gathering place, can you section off the living room as a nursery/little kid bedroom? (Or the DR and make your LR area the formal DR?)

[Drama Llama]

19 minutes ago, Condessa said:

The other sports teams have practice directly after school during their season.  I wasn’t aware that cheerleading has a constantly changing, year-round schedule until dd found out at the tryout.  I was prepared to do the driving so she could participate until we found out, but I can’t give up 50 to 100 minutes per day the whole school year and make the other kids all give up their activities that conflict with the weird times.

I totally understand not being able to handle an activity.  We've been in that situation.  But if moving to that side of the border would make it more likely that you could handle them joining activities at school, then that would weigh in my decision.  I'm not saying it would be the deciding factor, but it would be on the list.  

I think it's likely that you'd find that the other sport schedules aren't as neat and predictable as they appear on paper either, and that this will come up again.  

We're preparing to move further away from my kids' school, because other factors mean it's the right choice, so I understand that there are pros and cons to every choice.

[Condessa]

6 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Since your basement space is your main gathering place, can you section off the living room as a nursery/little kid bedroom? (Or the DR and make your LR area the formal DR?)

The living room, dining room, and kitchen are all open to each other, the front door, back door, and stairwell.

[Drama Llama]

How does moving across a state line impact your child's medical care?  States vary hugely in the support they provide, and the ways kids qualify.  

[KungFuPanda]

3 minutes ago, Condessa said:

The living room, dining room, and kitchen are all open to each other, the front door, back door, and stairwell.

Ahhh. I see. Open concept makes it really hard to repurpose rooms. 

[prairiewindmomma]

A: once you have kids in high school, the activity load seems to increase exponentially. We want our kids to have a rich high school experience and not have to miss so many amazing opportunities. If you are going to embrace public schools, embrace the best bit—which is all of the offered extracurriculars which are impossible to replicate privately.

There are some tax benefits to your considered move as well.

Tuition at the likely universities is so low that it’s not as huge of an impact if you aren’t able to save more to help them. They can likely self support with full summers working at salary amounts in our area and a part time job there. 

 

[Terabith]

My gut feeling is that finances trump everything.  But those are REALLY tight quarters for eight people, especially as the kids grow bigger.  

Also, while people do commute long distances to schools all the time, the reality is that in a family with six kids, including a baby, a toddler, and a child with significant health issues, it would be super easy for the teens to lose out on opportunities when activities are so far away.  The early years of high school really kinda require a lot of driving.  Most activities don't slot neatly into a directly after school time.

The absolute biggest concern to me would be not losing medical care and waivers, but honestly, with everything all together, I think I would move closer to where the kids are attending high school.  Or.....I'd seriously consider if it would be so awful for them to go to the high school closer to home, if that makes more sense.  

[Terabith]

Also, while I love the IDEA of refinishing the extra space, that's a lot of labor to do with a baby and a toddler and driving teens.  Realistically, that just wouldn't happen here.  

[Condessa]

1 hour ago, Drama Llama said:

How does moving across a state line impact your child's medical care?  States vary hugely in the support they provide, and the ways kids qualify.  

My kids have secondary insurance through the state that they will no longer qualify for based on our income in one more year’s time.  They do not qualify for the state insurance in the other state.  I have been told that ds9 should be able to keep his secondary insurance based on his diagnosis, but don’t know yet if that applies in the other state as well.

Ds’s specialists are all in the other state anyways, and if we moved over the border it would become possible to use telehealth services for things they don’t need to see him in person for.  (Their medical licenses don’t allow them to practice in our state, so if we lived a few miles closer we could use telehealth, but as it is we have to drive to them so they are practicing in their state.  Not that he has many appointments that could be done virtually, anyways.)

[Condessa]

1 hour ago, Terabith said:

My gut feeling is that finances trump everything.  But those are REALLY tight quarters for eight people, especially as the kids grow bigger.  

Also, while people do commute long distances to schools all the time, the reality is that in a family with six kids, including a baby, a toddler, and a child with significant health issues, it would be super easy for the teens to lose out on opportunities when activities are so far away.  The early years of high school really kinda require a lot of driving.  Most activities don't slot neatly into a directly after school time.

The absolute biggest concern to me would be not losing medical care and waivers, but honestly, with everything all together, I think I would move closer to where the kids are attending high school.  Or.....I'd seriously consider if it would be so awful for them to go to the high school closer to home, if that makes more sense.  

The high school in our town is rife with gang and bullying violence.  If it were the only option, they would be homeschooling.

[Terabith]

21 minutes ago, Condessa said:

The high school in our town is rife with gang and bullying violence.  If it were the only option, they would be homeschooling.

Fair enough.  Then I think I'd look at what it would cost and what is available in the other state near the other high school, just to know what the other options would be.

[SKL]

14 hours ago, Condessa said:

The other sports teams have practice directly after school during their season.  I wasn’t aware that cheerleading has a constantly changing, year-round schedule until dd found out at the tryout.  I was prepared to do the driving so she could participate until we found out, but I can’t give up 50 to 100 minutes per day the whole school year and make the other kids all give up their activities that conflict with the weird times.

I guess it's too late now for cheerleading, but it may be workable to pay a driver / figure out a carpool if this comes up again.

It may also be a good idea to find a place your daughter can walk to after school if she has to wait long for practices to start.  I know my kids' high school doesn't just let kids hang around if they don't have an activity, but they will let them stay at school to wait for an activity that starts a bit later.  Sometimes they would walk down to the nearest Starbucks and hang out while waiting.

[fairfarmhand]

14 hours ago, Condessa said:

The other sports teams have practice directly after school during their season.  I wasn’t aware that cheerleading has a constantly changing, year-round schedule until dd found out at the tryout.  I was prepared to do the driving so she could participate until we found out, but I can’t give up 50 to 100 minutes per day the whole school year and make the other kids all give up their activities that conflict with the weird times.

Tangent—

why do coaches do this? The constantly changing times last minute switches and weird schedules….how in the world are parents supposed to plan? Even if you lived closer to the school it would be a hassle. 
I teach classes and would hate switching around all the time. I’m not going to do that to my parents and students.

 

(back to your regularly scheduled discussion)

[SKL]

I'm biased because I hate the idea of moving.  I would try to make the 25 minute commute work some way.  High school is only 4 years, only 2 of which you're likely to have no kids with a driver's license.

I did say no to a school about that far away, and the extracurricular logistics were one factor, tbh.  But there were other big factors (it was a private religious school).  I don't mean to minimize the logistical issue, but I do think it's relatively temporary compared to the major changes involved in moving.

[SKL]

2 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Tangent—

why do coaches do this? The constantly changing times last minute switches and weird schedules….how in the world are parents supposed to plan? Even if you lived closer to the school it would be a hassle. 
I teach classes and would hate switching around all the time. I’m not going to do that to my parents and students.

 

(back to your regularly scheduled discussion)

My guess is that it has something to do with the fact resources are shared with other teams in the school / district.  It may also be that the coaches aren't full-time school employees.

[Jaybee]

17 minutes ago, SKL said:

I'm biased because I hate the idea of moving.  I would try to make the 25 minute commute work some way.  High school is only 4 years, only 2 of which you're likely to have no kids with a driver's license.

Except that she has five kids and another on the way, so this is an ongoing situation. The chances that any school activities they choose would all be at the same times, and/or that they'd want the young drivers transporting all the younger high-schoolers are iffy.

[SKL]

11 minutes ago, Jaybee said:

Except that she has five kids and another on the way, so this is an ongoing situation. The chances that any school activities they choose would all be at the same times, and/or that they'd want the young drivers transporting all the younger high-schoolers are iffy.

I realize she has 5+ kids, but when even one of them can drive, it will be a big help.  Also, she said not all of them are likely to attend that high school.

[catz]

Just an aside on college costs since debt was mentioned.  Right now students can borrow 5500 for freshman year on their own through federal loans and up to about 30k over 4 years.   Caps may go up, but prices are always going up too.  Anything beyond this will likely require a co-sign or a parent loan which seems dangerous unless you can comfortably afford paying them off and having that option for all your kids.  

If you haven’t spent any time trying to run net price calculators for colleges and looking at bottom lines I might do that just to get a sense of how that might go.    There should be a calculator available to run your numbers through you can google.  If you have ever worked with a financial advisor this might be a good question to pose.  We did a similar proces when our oldest was about 13.  You may find some paths way more viable than others depending how your finances land and that may affect how you chose.  Live at home options may be good option and that might ultimately affect how you may want your living situation to look.  You may also dig around and see if your area/state has any programs, merit, etc.  Like in our metro, students under a certain level of income can do 2 free years of CC.   

Just a few thoughts as someone with a kid that just graduated college and a college freshman.   

[Condessa]

It looks like there are three houses in the other town that are for sale, the right size, and in a price range we would consider.  Or rather two, as the third, nicest one is 8.5 miles outside town.  A much shorter drive, but a point against it when a purpose of moving would be to be in close to the town.  The other two are not appealing for different reasons (nice manufactured home with near, sketchy-looking neighbors, or close, dark feeling rooms with small windows).  The one in the country is a cute, old but well kept-up farmhouse.  Its negatives would be distance and that it doesn’t have central air conditioning.  We could plan on adding it, but I know sometimes that’s difficult in houses that old because they weren’t designed with spaces in the walls and ceilings for ducts.

Maybe I could just give myself permission to contract out more of the work than I normally would, to make the garage conversion less overwhelming.  It would raise the cost of the project considerably, but not nearly as much as a move.  

[DawnM]

Run a side by side tally of expenses.   With realtor fees, moving, storage fees, higher house cost, higher interest rates, etc.....what would that look like?   VS;   building on to your existing home.   We were quoted $180/sq. ft for an addition with no foundation or anything already there.   Yours would most likely be less if you are adding on to an area that is already there.   

Another question:   Could you half the room that is already there?   Make a 10x15 into 7.5x10 and 7.5x10 type of thing?   We looked at a house recently where they did this, not for a bedroom, but they took the formal dining room and added a wall down the middle.   One side could access from the kitchen and they made it into a huge pantry and the other side into an office space that could be accessed from the hallway.    Another friend did this in her house to allow her boys their own space.   Their rooms were very small but had room for a single bed, a nightstand, and a dresser.

 

[amyx4]

We bought a 3 bedroom 1.5 bath and lived in that for about 8 years or so. Then when the kids were 6-16 we built a master bedroom over the garage because our biggest problem became having only one shower. It's not a huge bedroom but it allowed us to add a full bath. Having a second shower is heavenly. (A second shower was not something I had even considered when they were little.)

At first they shared the original two bedrooms. Currently, they share the three original bedrooms.

I'm not addressing any of your other questions but I do want to add they don't all leave at 18 and as they get older they get more explensive. There are expense that you might not be thinking about when they are still little.

My grocery bill a month is equal to my mortage. And yes, we pack, cook from scratch, don't eat out etc....  When they were little I would have never imagined my current grocery bill.