Let’s discuss 50+ use of makeup and creating expectations

[Guest]

6 hours ago, wathe said:

I think it depends on the industry, actually.  In hospitality and certain business roles, makeup is an expectation.   There is also the "grooming gap"  - women who are made-up make more money and are more likely to be promoted than women who don't.  There is quite a lot of literature on the topic.

Yes, but SKL is still right. Ultimately, one still decides for themselves whether they will capitulate to those expectations or not. 
 

 

[Carrie12345]

14 hours ago, Quill said:

I want to see what people think about this. I normally wear makeup daily. Not a ton but enough that it looks different when I don’t. The only thing I don’t wear every day (that is generally considered part of the routine) is lipstick/lip liner. I don’t wear lipstick much at all because I don’t want to keep checking to make sure it’s right and then it gets wiped off when I eat lunch. 
 

So. I’ll be in a new office next month. I am considering making my usual daily “look” no makeup. This, my thinking goes, will normalize how I look without makeup so it will not have that “something’s missing” aspect if I don’t wear makeup. 
 

It truthfully is a little intimidating to go from forty-ish years of wearing makeup usually to not. But I also think it would be freeing to be like, “yo, this is my face; like it or not.” I can save the makeup for date night or weekends or whatever. 
 

Please share your thoughts. 

I’m about to turn 46, and I’ve been a “doesn’t usually wear make up” for many years, and a “doesn’t always wear make up” for a while before that.  It’s fantastic!

I have recently fallen in love with tinted sunscreen, so I will be “some make up”-appearing every day from now until late fall. My moisturizer sunscreen isn’t enough for a lot of summer in and out, and the one thing I can’t find peace with is ghostly sunblock on my face, so this is my compromise.

People get used to what they see. For me, that now means everyone is like, “Oh, what are you up to?!” if I do happen to wear make up, which feels awkward to me.  
It’s like when my kids ask me what’s going on when I put on jeans, lol.

[teachermom2834]

While I am not at all a fancy or high maintenance person I cannot imagine giving up makeup willingly. I don’t get my nails done. I get my hair cut at Great Clips three times a year and cover my own greys from a cheap box when they bug me. My clothes and shoes are mostly the Amazon store brand. 
 

But I will be the old lady in the nursing home with my face made up. But that is 100% because of how it makes me feel. I am quite certain not one person in the world is impressed by that teachermom2834’s makeup. I don’t even like to catch my reflection in the mirror when I use the bathroom in my own home if I haven’t done basic makeup. I’m that vain I guess. I’m about to run my dd to school and I won’t see anyone or get out of the car and I actually thought “I look like crap. I should throw on some makeup.” I didn’t but I thought it.

So I would never do what you are thinking but it is all about ME and how I would feel. I would feel uncomfortable and self conscious and not confident without basic makeup. (Light foundation/under eye concealer/ neutral eyeshadow/mascara/light lip color). But if you don’t feel that way- good for you! Go for it! I think makeup is fun and all about how it makes the wearer feel. I think it is great to start fresh without it if that is what you want. 

Edited April 14, 2023 by teachermom2834

[regentrude]

Go for it. It's freeing. 

I have not worn makeup in eighteen years. I teach, so I am in front of people who are looking at me every day. Not once have I gotten a comment about my lack of makeup (and believe me,  thousands of students filling out evaluations end up commenting on pretty much everything).

Edited April 14, 2023 by regentrude

[marbel]

8 hours ago, wathe said:

I think it depends on the industry, actually.  In hospitality and certain business roles, makeup is an expectation.   There is also the "grooming gap"  - women who are made-up make more money and are more likely to be promoted than women who don't.  There is quite a lot of literature on the topic.

I believe this is true, and I think it's a symptom of a messed-up culture. It can change if more women stop wearing makeup, but I can imagine it would be very hard to do. 

(I'm not a crusader for not wearing makeup; it bothers me that it can be a requirement in any job other than acting.)

[ScoutTN]

Your new job is a good opportunity to make a change. 

[Ali in OR]

My homeschool teaching days were my no makeup at all era. I've never really worn foundation other than when I was young and first trying out all makeup. But I have settled on what's right for me as eyeliner and mascara. I think it started when I had to replace my driver's license photo at 48. My age 40 driver's license photo was kind of adorable. Age 48 was not. I just like the look of my eyes better with slightly smudgy pencil eyeliner (not cat eyes!) to make up for very sparse eyelashes and then mascara on upper lid lashes only.

I went back to work at age 52 underemployed for 3 years as an Educational Assistant (who can teach high school math--pretty rare). I was starting to think no one would ever hire me to teach due to my age, but I got an opportunity during Covid when someone didn't want to go back in the classroom. I do not look like the oldest in the department, but I know that I am. I don't want others thinking of me as someone a lot older or someone almost out the door. So I do care a little about how I'm perceived. Not enough to wear foundation, but I'm going to do my eyes!

[MercyA]

When I went to college, I lost the fluffy 80's bangs and ditched the hair spray and curling iron. LOVED it. And my boyfriend (now DH) thoroughly enjoyed being able to cuddle with someone who didn't feel like a Brillo pad. 🙂 

About the time I moved from the midwest to the west coast, I decided I was completely over foundation. Sometimes it didn't look natural. It came off on clothes and pillowcases. It made my oily skin oilier. It made my skin feel gross. It smelled weird. It was time-consuming. It felt glorious and freeing to let my skin breathe.

Eventually I stopped wearing all makeup but eyeliner and mascara. I'd want my eyeliner on a desert island, you know? I don't feel dressed without it.

I'm rapidly heading towards 50, and a couple years ago I added back some face powder and blush. I'm vain, I admit it. I immediately started getting compliments. It takes me about 2 minutes to do all my makeup and I look exponentially better. Right now I can't imagine giving up makeup or hair color willingly.

All of that said, a new environment is a perfect time to try a change. If *you* don't want to wear makeup *for yourself*, give it a try! You're gorgeous and will be with or without makeup. (I know that's maybe not a proper/feminist thing to say in the context of this conversation but it's true.)

[Murphy101]

4 hours ago, Quill said:

Yes, but SKL is still right. Ultimately, one still decides for themselves whether they will capitulate to those expectations or not. 

Well yes. It’s a choice. But we don’t live in a vacuum either. Choices might have social consequences.  Should it? Probably not. Might it? Probably. I hate that but I’m also presuming if I’m looking for a job that I can’t afford to ignore that factor either. 

[Guest]

45 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

Well yes. It’s a choice. But we don’t live in a vacuum either. Choices might have social consequences.  Should it? Probably not. Might it? Probably. I hate that but I’m also presuming if I’m looking for a job that I can’t afford to ignore that factor either. 

I hear you on that; it is why I capitulated on coloring my hair in 2020 when I was looking for a job. But I have this job; it’s a done deal. So I don’t think there’s a risk in this case. 

[Pam in CT]

I haven't worn anything beyond moisturizer on a daily basis since I was ~30.  For the last ~10 years the only time I wear anything is when I go to weddings or fancy benefits.

This is what I look like.

My eldest is getting married in August (  HUZZAHS, please!! ) and I've agreed to do the whole manicure / hair / makeup session thing with her because SHE wants it. I do fear I'll feel like I'm not myself for the day, but, eh, I suppose it's her day.

Edited April 14, 2023 by Pam in CT
spelling

[SKL]

13 hours ago, wathe said:

I think it depends on the industry, actually.  In hospitality and certain business roles, makeup is an expectation.   There is also the "grooming gap"  - women who are made-up make more money and are more likely to be promoted than women who don't.  There is quite a lot of literature on the topic.

Maybe.  I'm not sure.  As mentioned earlier, I'm an attorney/CPA who has worked in the fancy professional environments.  I wore a suit, but I did not wear make-up or color my hair.  I ended up the highest ranked female in the tax department in that office ever.

I think make-up can make us look nicer, sure, but not wearing it might make us look more confident, tbh.  Especially if we are unapologetic about it.

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, SKL said:

Maybe.  I'm not sure.  As mentioned earlier, I'm an attorney/CPA who has worked in the fancy professional environments.  I wore a suit, but I did not wear make-up or color my hair.  I ended up the highest ranked female in the tax department in that office ever.

I think make-up can make us look nicer, sure, but not wearing it might make us look more confident, tbh.  Especially if we are unapologetic about it.

Oooh, I love this. I could adopt this belief.

[stephanier.1765]

As I've aged, my eyelashes are either not as thick or not as many so I wear mascara and eyeliner any time I leave the house. I wear glasses so my eyes really disappear if I don't. I wear foundation pretty much only during the colder months because I hate the feeling of sweating it away. Plus I'm paler during the winter so my skin flaws are more obvious and the foundation helps smooth that out. Most of my life I didn't wear any makeup so wearing it now is just my fight against the aging effects.

[Kidlit]

Regarding Jones Road Beauty, I have also been intrigued.  I watched some YouTube reviews and the fact that it's so sticky even a long while after application, to the point that the wearer's hair got stuck to it, helped me decide against even trying it. 

[wathe]

9 hours ago, Quill said:

Yes, but SKL is still right. Ultimately, one still decides for themselves whether they will capitulate to those expectations or not. 
 

 

 

2 hours ago, SKL said:

Maybe.  I'm not sure.  As mentioned earlier, I'm an attorney/CPA who has worked in the fancy professional environments.  I wore a suit, but I did not wear make-up or color my hair.  I ended up the highest ranked female in the tax department in that office ever.

I think make-up can make us look nicer, sure, but not wearing it might make us look more confident, tbh.  Especially if we are unapologetic about it.

It really does depend on the industry, I think. 

Your case, my case, and Quill's case it matters less (though the grooming gap remains real collectively, if not necessarily for each individual).  But in hospitality, sales, certain corporate roles (anything that involves significant networking/schmoozing) it is a big issue that has clear documentation and academic literature to support it.

In my world - for MD's and front line workers, it doesn't matter, but in the hospital corporate comms/ public relations and funding streagetists/stakeholder relations roles, the women are made-up and I don't really think it would be possible for them not to be and also be successful in the role - for women, it's part of the job.   Female drug reps in my experience are  always made-up, and borderline flirting with the male MD's at events; it would seem that it's part of the gig.  I don't think that I have ever met a female pharma rep who wasn't made-up.

 

Edited for precsion

Edited April 14, 2023 by wathe

[Murphy101]

2 hours ago, SKL said:

Maybe.  I'm not sure.  As mentioned earlier, I'm an attorney/CPA who has worked in the fancy professional environments.  I wore a suit, but I did not wear make-up or color my hair.  I ended up the highest ranked female in the tax department in that office ever.

I think make-up can make us look nicer, sure, but not wearing it might make us look more confident, tbh.  Especially if we are unapologetic about it.

I absolutely think that confidence is key to pulling off any look. Bold colors. Heels. Combat boots.  Makeup or not. Purple hair or grey. Whatever.

I was just telling my 14 yr old that while we were clothing shopping yesterday.  She said she didn’t think she could wear a certain outfit. And I told her she can wear anything she wants and look amazing if she stands tall and doesn’t take any crap about it.  Ugh. Women are the worst to each other. 

[rebcoola]

13 minutes ago, wathe said:

 

It really does depend on the industry, I think. 

Your case, my case, and Quill's case it matters less (though the grooming gap remains real collectively, if not necessarily for each individual).  But in hospitality, sales, certain corporate roles (anything that involves significant networking/schmoozing) it is a big issue that has clear documentation and academic literature to support it.

In my world - for MD's and front line workers, it doesn't matter, but in the hospital corporate comms/ public relations and funding streagetists/stakeholder relations roles, the women are made-up and I don't really think it would be possible for them not to be and also be successful in the role - for women, it's part of the job.   Female drug reps in my experience are  always made-up, and borderline flirting with the male MD's at events; it would seem that it's part of the gig.  I don't think that I have ever met a female pharma rep who wasn't made-up.

 

Edited for precsion

I'm sure this is true to a degree but I worked hospitality when I was young and it was never a problem. I never work makeup maybe I was just young and pretty enough to get away with it but I never heard it brought up. We had a dress code that included nails and hair but neve makeup.

[Ottakee]

2 hours ago, wathe said:

 

It really does depend on the industry, I think. 

Your case, my case, and Quill's case it matters less (though the grooming gap remains real collectively, if not necessarily for each individual).  But in hospitality, sales, certain corporate roles (anything that involves significant networking/schmoozing) it is a big issue that has clear documentation and academic literature to support it.

In my world - for MD's and front line workers, it doesn't matter, but in the hospital corporate comms/ public relations and funding streagetists/stakeholder relations roles, the women are made-up and I don't really think it would be possible for them not to be and also be successful in the role - for women, it's part of the job.   Female drug reps in my experience are  always made-up, and borderline flirting with the male MD's at events; it would seem that it's part of the gig.  I don't think that I have ever met a female pharma rep who wasn't made-up.

 

Edited for precsion

My friend is a primary care doc and hospitalization and she has gone to black scrubs every single day.  She works in a low income/federal clinic and she says it helps her patients feel more at ease…..and it makes her wardrobe so much easier as well.

Drug reps, etc all seem to be well dressed, etc.

[73349]

Makeup provokes my skin--particularly at my lash line, where it does the most good!--and I don't mind putting it on, but it's a hassle to get off. I finally threw it all out. If you're not enjoying it, feel free to do likewise.

[Clarita]

13 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

But I will be the old lady in the nursing home with my face made up. But that is 100% because of how it makes me feel. I am quite certain not one person in the world is impressed by that teachermom2834’s makeup. I don’t even like to catch my reflection in the mirror when I use the bathroom in my own home if I haven’t done basic makeup. I’m that vain I guess. I’m about to run my dd to school and I won’t see anyone or get out of the car and I actually thought “I look like crap. I should throw on some makeup.” I didn’t but I thought it.

I volunteered at a convalescent hospital when I was a teen. There was a group of ladies there who were mobility impaired but alright otherwise. They had a fancy dinner and were fully done up every night for it. One of the ladies told me she spends 1+ hours doing herself up every night for dinner, because what else is she going to do.  I'll be the lady in the nursing home all done up with false lashes and the works because what else would I be doing. 

[LucyStoner]

17 hours ago, Quill said:

Yes, but SKL is still right. Ultimately, one still decides for themselves whether they will capitulate to those expectations or not. 
 

 

I didn’t “capitulate” (literally never worn makeup to work and didn’t wear anything more than lipgloss and mascara for my wedding) and honestly, I do think it impacted my career arc. I’m ok with that and I’m at a point in my career where people who are hiring me don’t care.  Still, I honestly don’t know that it was the right decision for me.  Lots of reasons why I didn’t wear it and I don’t really know how to start wearing it now so I’m unlikely to change this.  

[LucyStoner]

11 hours ago, Pam in CT said:

I haven't worn anything beyond moisturizer on a daily basis since I was ~30.  For the last ~10 years the only time I wear anything is when I go to weddings or fancy benefits.

This is what I look like.

My eldest is getting married in August (  HUZZAHS, please!! ) and I've agreed to do the whole manicure / hair / makeup session thing with her because SHE wants it. I do fear I'll feel like I'm not myself for the day, but, eh, I suppose it's her day.

Congrats to your eldest!  Enjoy your day of pampering/prep.  💜

[Eos]

On 4/13/2023 at 4:11 PM, mommyoffive said:

I have worn makeup 2 times in my life.  Prom and my wedding.  I hate how it feels.  I suck at putting makeup on unless you want the clown look.  I am sure I would look better with it on.  It sure was easier to do that when I was in my 20s when you look great, but now I am realizing how much I look my age and I could use makeup to look younger.  If I am being fancy I put on some chapstick.  I am just not a girly girl and and never will be.

Same.  But not prom or my wedding either.

[QueenCat]

You need to do what makes you comfortable. I started wearing less during Covid but have gone back to the full face when I leave the house, other than to walk/workout. For me, I look older without it. There were a couple of pictures of me without it and I looked a few years older and quite pale. That wasn't the look I wanted. 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, QueenCat said:

You need to do what makes you comfortable. I started wearing less during Covid but have gone back to the full face when I leave the house, other than to walk/workout. For me, I look older without it. There were a couple of pictures of me without it and I looked a few years older and quite pale. That wasn't the look I wanted. 

This is what I’m debating. I did an experiment. I took a selfie with no makeup at all, then took comparable selfies after each step in my makeup routine. The point at which I do my eyes makes the biggest difference. I do like the way it looks with eye makeup over without. 
 

Also, as I was putting together photos for my MIL’s funeral, there was a huge difference in how she looked for rare occasions (like weddings) when her face was not only made up, but professionally so, vs. her every-day look, which was never made up. (Although it may be that when she was working professionally, she did wear makeup then.) The photos that were used for the program and obituary were photos where she was professionally made up and those are the pictures people naturally choose as when she looked her best. 
 

So. I still have a couple of conflicting thoughts about it. There is a part of me that rebels against the social expectation that women must enhance their faces as much as possible. But it is also true that I like the way I look better with makeup than without. However, I could not wear makeup to work but wear it other times for my own enjoyment. But then that seems pointless because when I’m not working is the time I’m more likely to be doing active things that I don’t wear it for anyway. 
 

 

[wintermom]

19 minutes ago, Quill said:

This is what I’m debating. I did an experiment. I took a selfie with no makeup at all, then took comparable selfies after each step in my makeup routine. The point at which I do my eyes makes the biggest difference. I do like the way it looks with eye makeup over without. 
 

Also, as I was putting together photos for my MIL’s funeral, there was a huge difference in how she looked for rare occasions (like weddings) when her face was not only made up, but professionally so, vs. her every-day look, which was never made up. (Although it may be that when she was working professionally, she did wear makeup then.) The photos that were used for the program and obituary were photos where she was professionally made up and those are the pictures people naturally choose as when she looked her best. 
 

So. I still have a couple of conflicting thoughts about it. There is a part of me that rebels against the social expectation that women must enhance their faces as much as possible. But it is also true that I like the way I look better with makeup than without. However, I could not wear makeup to work but wear it other times for my own enjoyment. But then that seems pointless because when I’m not working is the time I’m more likely to be doing active things that I don’t wear it for anyway. 
 

 

Personally, I think there is a big difference between proffesional make-up for photos and make-up for in-person life. Make-up is noticable in-person. Your real face can't be changed with a little superficial colouring. People will know roughly how old you are by a number of factors that have nothing to do with make-up.

If you like how you look with make-up, you don't mind the time it takes are you are good at applying it, it's a lot like clothes then, in a way. If you feel better and more confident, then do what makes you feel better.

[SKL]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

So. I still have a couple of conflicting thoughts about it. There is a part of me that rebels against the social expectation that women must enhance their faces as much as possible. But it is also true that I like the way I look better with makeup than without. However, I could not wear makeup to work but wear it other times for my own enjoyment. But then that seems pointless because when I’m not working is the time I’m more likely to be doing active things that I don’t wear it for anyway.

Be like the little girl in Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle:  "I'll do it because I want to, and not because you tell me to!"

Being a woman is great in some ways - one of those ways is that we have a lot of choices for how we present ourselves.  Much more than men if we're honest (though that is changing in recent years).  (Take suit colors for instance ... when was the last time you saw a professional male go to work in a bright red suit?) ... So, choose for yourself.  But then, own it.  No "I'm wearing make-up because my mom said I have to."

[Guest]

14 minutes ago, SKL said:

Be like the little girl in Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle:  "I'll do it because I want to, and not because you tell me to!"

Being a woman is great in some ways - one of those ways is that we have a lot of choices for how we present ourselves.  Much more than men if we're honest (though that is changing in recent years).  (Take suit colors for instance ... when was the last time you saw a professional male go to work in a bright red suit?) ... So, choose for yourself.  But then, own it.  No "I'm wearing make-up because my mom said I have to."

That is an excellent point. 

[Faith-manor]

For quite a long time now, I have done a daily look of moisturizing foundation (I have very uneven skin tone these days), and a burts bees lip tint. The foundation is really good for my face, my skin is happier with it than without, and takes 30 seconds or less to put on. Lip tint, and go. I only do cheek and eye color when Mark and I dress up for the DSO or when I am performing. When I perform, my make up is heavier than any other time. It is unfortunately not socially acceptable to do less. So dumb. The men don't have to.