Private school or not

[jorderj]

My DD is eight years old. She was homeschooled since K. Recently she was admitted to a local prestigious gifted private school with scholarship which covers half of the tuition. The school is very strong in STEM. The school requires a minimum of certain IQ scores, tests, shadow day and interviews for admission. My DD met all of the admission requirements. We are debating whether to accept the offer.

Pros:

The school is very strong in STEM and offers a lot of STEM related clubs like math club and robotics club. Students from this school rank high in Science Olympiad.  The school has four labs and provides a lot of hands on activities. For math and ELA, the students are placed in different grades based on their skills, not on their ages.  The school claims they are very good at supporting gifted student academically and emotionally.

DD is likely to find likely mind peers at school. My DD does not have any friend except my DS. She does not share common interest with other peers in our neighborhood.

 

Cons:

1) We still have to pay $20,000 a year.

2) One way commute is 30 minutes. I have to drive four times to drop off and pick up her. My DS goes to another school which is in the opposite direction. I would not be able to spend more time to help my DS who has ASD and ADHD.

3) We are not very into the ELA and Social Science curriculum of the school. We use classical approach to educate my DD. The school does not offer any narration, copy, dictation, recitation etc.  Classical literature is not included in the ELA. World history is also excluded from K-8.  We are afraid if DD goes to this school, she will not learn as much as she learned from home. 

4) If my DD goes to the school, She will have less time for her extra activities. I have to cut her sports and art time since her school is far away from home.

We are debating whether to take the offer. Right now she is very strong in Math, ELA and History. She is taking math class from AOPS. For ELA and History, I use the curriculum recommended by WTM. What we are lacking is peer interaction, science labs, science hands on activities and opportunities to compete in Science Olympiad. 

 

Any suggestions are welcomed.

 

Thanks.

Thank you everyone for your valuable input! I have read every thread which gave me tremendous valuable information. Let me update some information:

1) We live in one of the biggest metropolitan area in the middle west. We have several top museums in the U.S. They do have some camps in winter and summer. We live in Suburbs. The commute for two way is 2-3 hours either by metra train or driving in the rush hours.

2) We live in the neighborhood where the housing price is cheaper than that of neighborhood with cut-throat public schools. But our neighborhood has none of excellent private EC programs. I have to drive one way 30-40 minutes for DD's drawing class and Robotics program.

3) There are a couple of Co-ops in my area. But I have not found any one to fit DD, especially one with a lot of gifted kids. I just feel homeschooling is not very popular in this metropolitan area. The people I know who value education either buy expensive house in cut-throat public schools or send kids to prestigious private schools. 

4) DD had a shadow day at the gifted school. She told me she liked it. The best part is the science class. It is better than her public school's. ( She is homeschooled. But I send her back to public school for one semester). She felt the private school's ELS is not impressive and 3rd home room math is not challenging. ( The school differentiates the students. Some 3rd grader stay in the home room for 3rd math, some go to higher grades)

5) DD is not diagnosed with ASD. My DS has ASD. We took her to have a complete neuropsychological evaluation last year. She does have some traits shared with her brother. She does not have any friend except her brother. She is very engaged and enthusiastic sharing her ideas and interests in the EC classes. Her interests are so broad. But after class, she does not want to play or talk with any peers. She told me she is not interested in their topics. She is not good at small talk even though she could work with peers appropriately in a team project and talk about the project with them. The psychologist didn't give ASD diagnosis because she does not meet criterias. DD is a perfectionist and  sometimes her emotions are intense.The psychologist suspected her having pragmatic language delay. So, I took  her to evaluate by SLP specifically for her pragmatic language. But her score is 98 percentile. SLP told me it maybe her anxiety or personal preference not to have small talk with peers.

6) We talk with DD about the school choice. She told us she was not sure whether she wanted to go. She told me she saw Athena's online class. She wants to register for Anatomy, The Story of the Science and Biology 101 for middle school. If she goes to private school, she could not attend the class. But she likes the science class in the private school. 

 

Edited March 30, 2023 by jorderj
More information

[Lucy the Valiant]

Would they be open to letting her join the math / robotics club after school 1-2 days a week instead of full enrollment? 

(The short answer is that there are trade-offs, always. Whether they're worth it or not is the choice you (all) have to make, and you only get to make it once / one childhood. Every family handles that differently.)

[Kiara.I]

I'd be done at $20,000.

I'm pretty sure I'd also be done at 1/2 hour commute every single day.

The school offers a lot, but honestly the way you describe what they do and what the admission requirements are makes me think it would be pretty stressful and high-achievement oriented. 

[notagoodfitafterall]

I wouldn't even look at a school that costs $20,000, let alone one that costs that much after a scholarship! That kind of money is for college tuition, not for elementary school, at least in my house.

It also doesn't sound like a good school in my humble opinion, but I tend to see an overemphasis on STEM the same way I see focusing on a trade at that age. 

Personally, we felt that Building Foundations of Scientific Understanding and the AO nature study/science booklists were more than enough at that age, but I'm really not sure what kind of labs you're after for your dd to say if that's "enough" for her. 

 

At the end of the day, it's a choice only you and your family can make. Settling on your educational philosophy/what you think is the purpose of education might make it easier. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. 

[FreyaO]

Two things:

 - school's performance may very likely reflect the selected student/family population rather than any specific amazing curriculum, extra talented teachers, inspired administration. 

- is your child happy at home or seeking more interaction with other kids? is she easygoing, adaptable or requires a certain environment to accommodate preferences or needs?

My POV is probably biased because we started in schools with some combination of the characteristics you are describing. It didn't work for us. We had very little time left for us as family and my kid was totally burned out after complying to the behavioral expectations for such a long time. Having said that, there were kids who seemed to be happy, so it depends. 

[AnneGG]

I don’t know if I could handle that commute plus another school in the opposite direction. phew. That’s a lot on you. 

Do they have a summer program/school you could test run? 

Are there any other social options if you continue to homeschool? Any coops or groups? Any special programs that science centers or museums offer in your area? 

Does she want to go? How did the shadow day go? 

 

IDK If I had the money and my kid wanted to go, I would probably agree to try it. Especially if they were lonely and we couldn’t find anywhere else to meet their social needs. 

[Frances]

If you are in a large enough metro area that such a school is available to you are there really no homeschooling opportunities for some of the ECs you desire for her where she could meet like minded peers? My son’s very large homeschool co-op was full of gifted kids and they had awarding winning robotic, DI, mock trial, Science Bowl, etc teams.

Personally, I wouldn’t do it because I could do a whole lot more for my child with $20k and the commute would be a deal breaker. I’d focus on trying to find more like minded homeschooling friends, even if that means starting a group yourself.

I also wouldn’t be swayed by science labs for elementary school students, as they are definitely not necessary. And I say this as someone with lots of science advanced degree holders in the family, including a few doctorates. And after seeing what the local highly regarded charter middle school considers appropriate science labs, I’d actually want to really know more about what they are doing to determine if she would really be missing out on anything valuable. The science labs and activities taught by fellow moms in a group I formed when my son was in elementary school were far better and more appropriate than what my son did during his one semester at the charter middle school.  If you really desire hands on science stuff for her and don’t want to do it yourself, there are usually opportunities for classes, workshops, or camps at various museums and colleges.

Edited March 28, 2023 by Frances

[8filltheheart]

I wouldn't do it.  I wouldn't even consider it.  In addition to the ridiculous financial cost, the time cost and skewed focus would be enough for me to say no way.  Gifted or not, time to explore ideas, use their imagination playing, participating in art/music/sports/drama/choir (whatever activities they enjoy) is the most important gift of childhood.  The educational philosophies in this country are 180 to my values and what I believe produces highly educated and personally motivated adults.....they rob children of the freedom of time of childhood.

Some of my children are quite gifted.  My youngest son graduated from high school almost having completed the equivalent of a math minor (I think he was 1 course short) and having completed the equivalent of a physics minor.  He took 400 level physics courses during his freshman yr of college.  At 8 yrs old, school took around 3 to 3 1/2 hrs total.  Just bc he was gifted did not mean we did school longer.  

My kids also don't focus on any subject at the expense of others, especially when that young.  Reading lots of literature lets them explore ideas in ways that pure academic focuses cannot.  (Maybe if more science and computer geeks had spent more time reading scifi we wouldn't have some of the AI and moral issues that we face.)  Boxing little kids in means that you will never know where their true interests and desires are focused.  

I also agree with Frances about labs.  All of the hands on lab learning focus during early grades is completely unnecessary.  We don't use any formal science curricula until high school equivalent.  We read lots of books and watch documentaries.  They are given all kinds of things to play with on their own.  Formal labs don't happen until high school.  (So far my kids have pursued chemical engineering, physics, allied health, and atmospheric science, and all of them have been extremely strong students.)

In terms of peers, summer camps and ECs are where my kids have found friends.  Their friends don't have to be on the same academic level as them.  They just need to find something in common interest.  Music has been one area where my kids have been able to connect.  And music is also an area that I would have never known just how gifted one of my kids is if we hadn't let her explore it.  She begged to play the violin when she was 7.  At 8 I finally said yes hoping that maybe it might offer her a challenge since nothing else did.  Not really bc she is also a gifted violinist.  But, she is a gifted violinist.  I would never have known if her life had been centered around academics.  She is also a gifted vocalist.   So who knows where she is going to end up.  She is advanced academically (about a yr behind her older brother mathematically, but equally gifted in language like an older sister), but her musical talents and performing are her loves.

Children aren't mini adults.  They aren't gifts to be tapped into and formed into some academic prefab mold.  Homeschooling is the blessing of freedom to become who they want to be.

[Malam]

13 hours ago, jorderj said:

I would not be able to spend more time to help my DS who has ASD and ADHD.

This seems like a deal breaker or near-dealbraker all on it's own

[Momto6inIN]

Honestly, a gifted kid is often going to thrive better on their own and self selecting and directing their learning than they are going to in any school setting, gifted or otherwise.

[lefty57]

I just want to point out that you are getting a huge bias asking this on a homeschool forum. No one has said anything untrue, but most here likely don't have experience with private school and don't know the other side of the story.

We homeschooled our oldest to the middle of 3rd grade and then opted for a school like the one you're describing (we have slightly lower tuition and commute, but same order of magnitude). Part of our decision was based on family dynamics that were going to make it hard to homeschool long term and keep up with how quickly we were going through curriculum.

It's been a great decision for our child, and it's been much easier to make friends with peers who match both in age and ability. The enrichment opportunities have been amazing. We still see a creative drive in our child two years later, and it's been encouraged by the community and curriculum at school rather than squashed by too much work.

There are trade-offs on both sides. The homeschool lifestyle is so lovely and unhurried. But there are things we were missing out on, like music and sports. Even at a gifted school, there are students of differing abilities in one class - you can't tailor to individual needs as well. But, you get more learning to work with others who are actually peers. Both can be great or terrible situations depending on the child, school, peers, family situation, etc. Just make sure you're getting both sides of the story before you make your decision, and maybe ask people who know you and your real life situation well. We love both homeschool and gifted private school for different reasons.

To the person that said the students do well because they are selected, not because of excellent programming: this is definitely true to some degree, but also schools like this attract amazing teachers. Motivated learners and fewer behavioral issues allow teachers more time to make their teaching excellent.

[EKS]

On 3/27/2023 at 5:39 PM, jorderj said:

The school does not offer any narration, copy, dictation, recitation etc.

These activities are overrated, IMO.

On 3/27/2023 at 5:39 PM, jorderj said:

Classical literature is not included in the ELA. World history is also excluded from K-8.

This is easy to add in as read alouds at home.  Not a deal breaker.

That said, I'd be concerned about the tuition and the drive time.  

Also, you didn't mention whether your daughter actually likes math and science.

[Rosie_0801]

20k a year? Invest that and by the time your kids are 18 you'll have two mighty fine looking house deposits.

[mathmarm]

On 3/27/2023 at 8:39 PM, jorderj said:

My DD is eight years old. She was homeschooled since K. Recently she was admitted to a local prestigious gifted private school with scholarship which covers half of the tuition. The school is very strong in STEM. The school requires a minimum of certain IQ scores, tests, shadow day and interviews for admission. My DD met all of the admission requirements. We are debating whether to accept the offer.

Pros:

The school is very strong in STEM and offers a lot of STEM related clubs like math club and robotics club. Students from this school rank high in Science Olympiad.  The school has four labs and provides a lot of hands on activities. For math and ELA, the students are placed in different grades based on their skills, not on their ages.  The school claims they are very good at supporting gifted student academically and emotionally.

DD is likely to find likely mind peers at school. My DD does not have any friend except my DS. She does not share common interest with other peers in our neighborhood.

 

Cons:

1) We still have to pay $20,000 a year.

2) One way commute is 30 minutes. I have to drive four times to drop off and pick up her. My DS goes to another school which is in the opposite direction. I would not be able to spend more time to help my DS who has ASD and ADHD.

3) We are not very into the ELA and Social Science curriculum of the school. We use classical approach to educate my DD. The school does not offer any narration, copy, dictation, recitation etc.  Classical literature is not included in the ELA. World history is also excluded from K-8.  We are afraid if DD goes to this school, she will not learn as much as she learned from home. 

4) If my DD goes to the school, She will have less time for her extra activities. I have to cut her sports and art time since her school is far away from home.

We are debating whether to take the offer. Right now she is very strong in Math, ELA and History. She is taking math class from AOPS. For ELA and History, I use the curriculum recommended by WTM. What we are lacking is peer interaction, science labs, science hands on activities and opportunities to compete in Science Olympiad. 

 

Any suggestions are welcomed.

 

Thanks.

 

No. No way.

If your family doesn't balk at 20K tuition for an 8 year old child, then fine, but time is irreplaceable and especially while young. She can do loads of labs and hands-on stuff at home. But I'm biased, we value visual literacy and invest a lot of time, energy and effort into developing our students ability to draw skillfully, sew, play music, build from cardboard and recyclable type products, etc.

There's no way for STEM-skills to thrive without manual skills. It's not chic to say, but kids have to be able to communicate in drawings, numbers and writing.

I wouldn't try to artificially specialize an 8yo by sending them to a STEM School. Instead, I would continue to give them a broad and joyful education that fit them, who they are and who they are becoming.

For $20K per annum, surely you can find and hire skilled tutors and mentors in various STEM or STEAM related fields that don't consume her time and take time away from your family.

 

 

[Not_a_Number]

4 hours ago, lefty57 said:

I just want to point out that you are getting a huge bias asking this on a homeschool forum. No one has said anything untrue, but most here likely don't have experience with private school and don't know the other side of the story.

Yep. Asking here is definitely stacking the deck. 

 

4 hours ago, lefty57 said:

We homeschooled our oldest to the middle of 3rd grade and then opted for a school like the one you're describing (we have slightly lower tuition and commute, but same order of magnitude). Part of our decision was based on family dynamics that were going to make it hard to homeschool long term and keep up with how quickly we were going through curriculum.

We considered the same thing due to friction resulting from family dynamics as well. At the end of the day, my DD didn't want to go to school. But it was an option we were weighing very carefully. 

 

4 hours ago, lefty57 said:

It's been a great decision for our child, and it's been much easier to make friends with peers who match both in age and ability. The enrichment opportunities have been amazing. We still see a creative drive in our child two years later, and it's been encouraged by the community and curriculum at school rather than squashed by too much work.

Yep. Peer relationships are a real consideration. The kids we know who go to selective schools often have a lovely peer group. 

 

4 hours ago, lefty57 said:

There are trade-offs on both sides. The homeschool lifestyle is so lovely and unhurried. But there are things we were missing out on, like music and sports. Even at a gifted school, there are students of differing abilities in one class - you can't tailor to individual needs as well. But, you get more learning to work with others who are actually peers. Both can be great or terrible situations depending on the child, school, peers, family situation, etc. Just make sure you're getting both sides of the story before you make your decision, and maybe ask people who know you and your real life situation well. We love both homeschool and gifted private school for different reasons.

Yep. This is not an easy decision. 

I'd be curious to hear what your DD would like, OP. 

Edited March 30, 2023 by Not_a_Number

[EKS]

1 hour ago, mathmarm said:

There's no way for STEM-skills to thrive without manual skills.

I'd argue that STEM-skills won't thrive without lots of experience in the world.  This is particularly important for science and engineering.  Lots of time to observe the world, think, play, mess with things.

[Frances]

1 hour ago, EKS said:

I'd argue that STEM-skills won't thrive without lots of experience in the world.  This is particularly important for science and engineering.  Lots of time to observe the world, think, play, mess with things.

So much this. Much of what goes on in schools is artificial and not real world, even when it is hands on. My son’s undergraduate science profs and TAs were blown away by his ability to troubleshoot and fix lab equipment and being handy is not even really one of his strengths. It’s just that he had tons of time and opportunity to build, explore, tinker, play, mess with things, etc. while growing up. So much of modern childhood these days is spent in artificial, structured environments with adults in charge. What a gift it is to give our children a real childhood with plenty of time to pursue their interests and follow their passions.

I also have a hard time understanding how children can miss out on music and sports if not in school, especially if one lives in a large enough metro area to have a specialized private, STEM, gifted school. Now in a very rural or isolated area I could understand the concern. But in most cities, opportunities for music lessons and ensembles are everywhere and the same for many sports. And many states like mine allow homeschoolers full participation in public school music and sports.

You also don’t need to be in school to learn to work with peers. Most ECs, camps, classes, workshops, etc provide ample opportunity for such learning experiences. It’s one of the reasons we chose to participate in a large co-op with lots of gifted kids, as it was a skill we saw needed improvement in our child. And it’s a lot more fun and way less stressful when you’re not being graded on group work, as in school. He also got tons of amazing leadership opportunities in his ECs because they were completely freely chosen by him and he pursued them passionately. No way could he have attained the level of achievement and leadership he did in his ECs had he been attending school full time plus homework.

Edited March 30, 2023 by Frances

[FreyaO]

Yes, this obviously is not an objective sample of opinions. I am new here but I spent 3-4 years in school boards. I strongly suspect that most parents tend to focus on the positive of their choices, because otherwise you need to ask yourself why you made and stayed with that choice. Same for parents who pay college prices x 13 years. They need to believe that this makes sense.

Many details may well be specific for the OP:

- I personally underestimated the commute impact on our life. Maybe it's because we are somewhat challenged in executive function here. 

- someone said that good teachers are more likely to choose a private school due to a better student pool. Possible, but where I live PS offer better salaries and indescribably better benefits. I have no idea where OP is based.

- still early days for us, but I live in a major metro area and finding the gifted hs groups hasn't been that straightforward. No idea if OP has already tried.

- will there be future opportunities for the kid to join this school or is this the only entry point?

- is this a child likely to succeed in a school environment? poor correlation with giftedness.

Edit to expand on last point: with a DS with ASD in the family, is there any chance that DD has some similar traits, often missed in young girls? Worth considering, given long hours in a stimulating environment with complex social interactions...

 

Edited March 30, 2023 by FreyaO

[jorderj]

Thank you everyone for your valuable input! I have read every thread which gave me tremendous valuable information. Let me update some information:

1) We live in one of the biggest metropolitan area in the middle west. We have several top museums in the U.S. They do have some camps in winter and summer. We live in Suburbs. The commute for two way is 2-3 hours either by metra train or driving in the rush hours.

2) We live in the neighborhood where the housing price is cheaper than that of neighborhood with cut-throat public schools. But our neighborhood has none of excellent private EC programs. I have to drive one way 30-40 minutes for DD's drawing class and Robotics program.

3) There are a couple of Co-ops in my area. But I have not found any one to fit DD, especially one with a lot of gifted kids. I just feel homeschooling is not very popular in this metropolitan area. The people I know who value education either buy expensive house in cut-throat public schools or send kids to prestigious private schools. 

4) DD had a shadow day at the gifted school. She told me she liked it. The best part is the science class. It is better than her public school's. ( She is homeschooled. But I send her back to public school for one semester). She felt the private school's ELS is not impressive and 3rd home room math is not challenging. ( The school differentiates the students. Some 3rd grader stay in the home room for 3rd math, some go to higher grades)

5) DD is not diagnosed with ASD. My DS has ASD. We took her to have a complete neuropsychological evaluation last year. She does have some traits shared with her brother. She does not have any friend except her brother. She is very engaged and enthusiastic sharing her ideas and interests in the EC classes. Her interests are so broad. But after class, she does not want to play or talk with any peers. She told me she is not interested in their topics. She is not good at small talk even though she could work with peers appropriately in a team project and talk about the project with them. The psychologist didn't give ASD diagnosis because she does not meet criterias. DD is a perfectionist and  sometimes her emotions are intense.The psychologist suspected her having pragmatic language delay. So, I took  her to evaluate by SLP specifically for her pragmatic language. But her score is 98 percentile. SLP told me it maybe her anxiety or personal preference not to have small talk with peers.

6) We talk with DD about the school choice. She told us she was not sure whether she wanted to go. She told me she saw Athena's online class. She wants to register for Anatomy, The Story of the Science and Biology 101 for middle school. If she goes to private school, she could not attend the class. But she likes the science class in the private school. 

 

Edited March 30, 2023 by jorderj

[Clarita]

It does sound like a hard choice. In your shoes I don't think I would be a definite yes or a definite no. The only advice that I really have is that remember if you chose to go the private school route and it doesn't work out (either she doesn't really like it and/or the commute isn't really doable) then you can go back to homeschooling. 

[Rosie_0801]

1 hour ago, jorderj said:

5) DD is not diagnosed with ASD. My DS has ASD. We took her to have a complete neuropsychological evaluation last year. She does have some traits shared with her brother. She does not have any friend except her brother. She is very engaged and enthusiastic sharing her ideas and interests in the EC classes. Her interests are so broad. But after class, she does not want to play or talk with any peers. She told me she is not interested in their topics. She is not good at small talk even though she could work with peers appropriately in a team project and talk about the project with them. The psychologist didn't give ASD diagnosis because she does not meet criterias. DD is a perfectionist and  sometimes her emotions are intense.The psychologist suspected her having pragmatic language delay. So, I took  her to evaluate by SLP specifically for her pragmatic language. But her score is 98 percentile. SLP told me it maybe her anxiety or personal preference not to have small talk with peers.

Testing is imperfect. This sounds like an Aspergirl whose stress levels haven't reached unmanageable yet. I'd keep an eye on that.

[KSera]

10 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Testing is imperfect. This sounds like an Aspergirl whose stress levels haven't reached unmanageable yet. I'd keep an eye on that.

Was thinking the same. Similar to my female kids with ASD who were not identified on neuropsych evals done when they were younger, but were once they hit college. It may not be that at all, but I agree it's good to be aware that an evaluation at this age may not give the full picture.

[Lawyer&Mom]

I have a nine year old gifted Autistic daughter in private school.  It’s our parish school and  not specifically a gifted school, but the parents are mostly highly educated professionals and I think that produces a reasonable peer group for her.  She’s clearly not the only Autistic girl there, but she may be the only one with a diagnosis.  (I’m Autistic, and I fought hard to get her a diagnosis too.)  We could afford $20,000 a year, it’s what we paid for preschool.  I really don’t think you need to spend that much for elementary school.  Our current tuition is half that. Being at a parochial school rather than a public school gives us a well organized, functional K-8 experience.  I think that kind of stability, calm and structure is important for an Autistic kid.    Academics?  I doubt there is a classroom out there that would really meet her needs.  I’d rather have a solid, good enough classroom without a lot of homework to give her time after school for all kinds of self directed reading and exploration.  So far it seems to work.

I wouldn’t take on the financial and commuting costs for the gifted school.  If you are looking for school based options I would consider closer, more affordable options, even if they aren’t specifically gifted.

I’m also suspect your daughter is Autistic.  Mine didn’t get diagnosed the first time, but everyone sees it now.  Keep it in mind, and if you do seek evaluations again in the future, try to find someone with experience specifically with girls. 

[jorderj]

Thanks all for your input.

DD is not diagnosed because she does not meet the criteria. The testing psychologist did tell me DD may meet the criteria in the future. LoL.

She is so different from other typical girls. I just feel she is an Asperger. 

I am debating whether to send her to gifted school to be with peers or homeschool with supplement academically and socially. 

[gstharr]

My son has always  attended one of those schools.  But, I have no suggestions for you.  The choice is so student and family specific.  Though, I do note  that I have been on this  board since he was in the fourth grade.  In order to get the most out of our situation, I still  had to afterschool what is considered to be a top rate education, 

Edited March 30, 2023 by gstharr

[AnneGG]

It’s a hard choice. 
 

TBH I would try it and see how it goes. Worst case, you pull her out and lose registration fees and a few months tuition. Best case, she loves it and makes lasting friendships while receiving a decent brick & mortar education. 
 

I was a lonely homeschooled kid, so that’s what’s playing into my comment. 

[stripe]

I would be hesitant to spend so much time on one child for a long period of time. It will have consequences. The other child(ren) will notice. I also think siblings of children with special needs (in all ways - those who are highly gifted, those with mental health concerns, health problems, or autism, just as examples) need special attention and support, so it’s very touching that you’re trying to find something good for her and make sure she feels attended to. 

I would also suggest looking for some kind of weekend program, maybe at a museum, that could do more hands on, outdoors, or scientific experiment type exposures. Volunteering, camps, scouts or 4H, library programs, science clubs or math circles, and so on, even if you have to drive for those. 

[cintinative]

Other than one year in public school, we have homeschooled with outsourcing since 1st.  So take that into consideration in my response.

I just can't get past the $20K for tuition. If we had that kind of money, I would be investing in unique opportunities for my kids--special trips to locations/museums, unique summer experiences, special online classes, all the fun science supplies, etc.  It sounds like your other dc is in school though, so maybe that is not a possibility.  

Could you try a modified homeschool program for a year, adding in the Athena classes, keep the drawing class that she likes and sports, and see about adding special experiences for her during the day while your other dc is in school? Maybe see if the private will allow her to participate in after-school stuff without being an enrolled student?  Then if you are still inclined after a year, you could pursue the private school.  

 

Edited April 5, 2023 by cintinative

[wisdomandtreasures]

That's more than what my husband paid in tuition (total, not per year) to get his bachelor's degree. 😵‍💫 For an 8-year-old. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 For one year. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 Uh. No. 

[gstharr]

On 3/30/2023 at 2:51 PM, gstharr said:

My son has always  attended one of those schools.  But, I have no suggestions for you.  The choice is so student and family specific.  Though, I do note  that I have been on this  board since he was in the fourth grade.  In order to get the most out of our situation, I still  had to afterschool what is considered to be a top rate education, 

Now, that we have wrapped up college admission, I had a chance to reflect on our experience.  In our case, our local school public district is competent. the schools win state recognition for academic. One or two top H.S. school grads go to highly selective colleges.  But grade levels at the public H.S. have 1000+ students.  It was not possible to homeschool-- no stay at homes.  We went private because our goal, from kindergarten, was a top ten university. The top private schools in our area send 30% to top 20 colleges, and maybe 15-20% to top 10 colleges.  To get into the pipeline for the private high schools requires getting in the system at K, or the other entry point of 6th or 7th grade.   

The school we ending going to is 45 minutes away from home.  Believe me it is an ordeal to get there and back.  It is way more than just going for classes. There is also driving for after school stuff, weekend activities, athletic matches, parent meeting, play dates, and birthday parties.  Why did we do it?  It was because of everything else the school offered.  Tuition covers more than teacher salaries. Tuition covers all sports imaginable sports, with uniforms, full- time coaches, with assistant coaches and trainers.  Art classes with ample supplies for every student, Classroom size is no more than 20 students. All teachers have a full time classroom assistant. Almost all teachers have at least a masters in their subject.  Then, there clubs for everything.  If a few students come up with a new club, the new club is mentored and funded.  My kid's has been on a team building a car for a competition.   The school gave his club $75K.  Not to mention the field trips, and week long bonding excursions.

My kid experienced so much more than I could possibly have given him even If I were able to homeschool him. 

The downside for us was that I had to afterschool math from K.  His school used Chicago Math, a very private school thing.  I bought old standard text books and we used these after school. 

Again, the choice is so family specific.  In our case, it was absolutely worth it.

 

 

[ScoutTN]

Why did you choose homeschooling in the first place? Have those reasons changed? 
 

The money and the time taken away from her brother’s homeschooling would be a deal breaker for us. 

[Not_a_Number]

She scans like she's probably autistic to me as well. Or perhaps in the broader phenotype (that's what I am.) 

Good luck deciding this. It's a hard decision. 

We've had to think about this ourselves, but for us, the social component was much easier homeschooling than it sounds like it is for you.

One thing I don't know if people noted is that when kids get towards middle school, the social dynamics get... complicated. I'm seeing DD10's friendships both deepen and also become more stressful/dramatic. DD10 is not autistic, but she definitely leans that direction (she takes after me, whereas DD6 takes after DH socially), and this is the first time in her life where it really feels like NOT having social time all the time is good for her. It's good for her to have a break from the drama and enjoy the academics. 

This is in a context where there's a stable peer group, of course, so different from you... but maybe something to keep in mind with potentially Aspie girls. 

[Atlas]

Given the cost (money and time), I'd go with the following decision making heuristic. If it's not a hell yeah, then it's a no.

[Janeway]

For that cost, I would not send her. Unless I happened to have tons of disposable income I guess. But schools that label themselves as gifted and programs for gifted tend to fall short and even if they did not, that kind of money is a lot. Reconsider when she is older, but college costs a lot and I would save my money for that. Also, the drive is way too much. 

[happynurse]

On 3/30/2023 at 5:00 PM, AnneGG said:

 

I was a lonely homeschooled kid, so that’s what’s playing into my comment. 

This is becoming my 5th grade son. He goes to an enrichment program 1 day/wk, has church and has friends over fairly often, but still craves more social time. We live on acreage in the country, so it is not as easy as I wish it was. I'm considering school for him down the road. I sometimes wish "socialization" wasn't such a taboo word in the hs community. 😕 

If I were the OP, I would strongly consider whether your child would thrive in that environment.  If so, and if money is doable, I see no reason not to give it a try. Worst case, you leave and return to homeschool. 

Edited April 6, 2023 by happynurse