do "friendly" campuses exist?

[cintinative]

We went on our first campus tour today.  My husband's college and mine were smaller (his was about 4K and mine about 9K, this one was about 35K). I mentioned to him that I didn't know if it was "this generation" or the campus dynamic but people weren't friendly.  At the college I went to (mind you, I graduated in '95), it was not unusual at all for people to say hi to you even if they didn't know you. And if you saw someone who looked lost, you would ask to see if they needed help.  My husband thought it had something to do with this disconnected generation (with their phones, etc.). 

I am old. Can someone tell me what it is like nowadays? 

 

Edited March 27, 2023 by cintinative

[SeaConquest]

31 minutes ago, cintinative said:

We went on our first campus tour today.  My husband's college and mine were smaller (his was about 4K and mine about 9K, this one was about 35K). I mentioned to him that I didn't know if it was "this generation" or the campus dynamic but people weren't friendly.  At the college I went to (mind you, I graduated in '95), it was not unusual at all for people to say hi to you even if they didn't know you. And if you saw someone who looked lost, you would ask to see if they needed help.  My husband thought it had something to do with this disconnected generation (with their phones, etc.). 

I am old. Can someone tell me what it is like nowadays? 

 

Agree with your DH 100%. The digital generation are a very different animal.

[freesia]

Could it be regional?  My NY raised dd commented last week when we stopped in western PA that she was so amazed at the man who held the door and said hello to us. I thought the students were friendly at the Ohio school we visited, but our bar is pretty low. 

[Sneezyone]

Probably campus dependent and/or seasonal. When I graduated in ‘98, we may or may not have greeted lost-looking people…mostly not.

There were several schools DD visited where we approached students to ask questions (much to her horror) and the students kindly directed us in the right direction. 

Edited March 28, 2023 by Sneezyone

[HomeAgain]

It may help to remember that these "disconnected" students have also spent 2 years with various covid restrictions and accommodations.  I wouldn't rush to blame the phones or look down on them, but think of them as spending time learning how to give others personal space.

[Rosie_0801]

The manners used at the train station closest to one of the university campuses in our city cycled according to the time of year. Always rude at the beginning of semester, and would mellow to our normal a few weeks later as the international students adjusted to our manners. 

[Arcadia]

For campuses we visited in the past year, people would help if asked. However, one nice student responded firstly by telling us to use Apple maps on my iPhone or whatever maps app my kids android phone has. When I said our phones plan doesn’t come with data, she show us directions on her phone. 
 

Nobody has said hi to us when we were touring as a family. When walking around alone, I do get smiles and people  holding the doors open for me. So I do get different treatment on the same campus depending on whether my kids are with me. 
 

ETA: my nearby private and public universities have guest wifi access (no login required) so we could easily navigate our way on campus on our own using our phones.

Edited March 27, 2023 by Arcadia

[rzberrymom]

I also wonder if it could be regional. Both Stanford and UCLA had amazingly friendly kids.

[Arcadia]

27 minutes ago, rzberrymom said:

I also wonder if it could be regional. Both Stanford and UCLA had amazingly friendly kids.

That’s funny. No one said hi to us at Stanford and UCLA.  A chinese kid chatted my DS18 up at UCLA because he thought DS18 was a student there and we were visiting him. He wanted to know which major DS18 was in.

[Clarita]

1 hour ago, Rosie_0801 said:

The manners used at the train station closest to one of the university campuses in our city cycled according to the time of year. Always rude at the beginning of semester, and would mellow to our normal a few weeks later as the international students adjusted to our manners. 

Yes we do need to remember the smiling and saying "Hi" thing is very American thing. Not every culture thinks that it's necessary, appropriate, or polite so there is a learning curve to that.

[mlktwins]

Yes. DS1’s school has a super friendly vibe - about 20,000 students.

[catz]

 Honestly, we've had mostly friendly and great encounters visiting campuses.  We do live in the midwest so tours have been oriented here but we have been on tours all over.  Including at Big Ten U's!  We had a delightful student stop when we were reading a map at UMichigan and walk us to a destination right after we stepped on campus.  Too bad you're so expensive UMich!  😍  As an old mom type walking around UW Madison I've had lots of sweet interactions with students.  Maybe steer clear after football games.  😂 (actually people tend to be REAL friendly after football!)

There were only a few I could identify as seeming - less friendly.  Northwestern.  University of Miami (the florida version).  Saint Olaf is hot and cold.  Boston U was mixed. I've been on a zillion tours and drag people to campuses for fun.  It's like a bad habit/hobby at this point.

Though I'd be careful not to stereotype if you were visiting on a Monday morning, after a break, during bad weather, were there not super long, didn't try to interact yourself, etc.  

Edited March 28, 2023 by catz

[cintinative]

7 minutes ago, catz said:

 

Though I'd be careful not to stereotype if you were visiting on a Monday morning, after a break, during bad weather, were there not super long, didn't try to interact yourself, etc.  

It was drizzling during a lot of it . . . I wondered about that.

[Bootsie]

The campus where I now teach is a friendly campus.  It is common for people to greet one another when passing. The majority of students will say something to me as they exit the class.  (I even begin to feel lie a tape recorder responding to each one--good bye--have a nice day--good bye--your welcome---).  There was a great decrease in people speaking to one another when everyone was masked and I am not sure that we have returned to the same level of friendliness we had before COVID.

Previously, I taught at another school in the same state and people did not speak to one another.  I entered the elevator one day with the dean who had been there about 6 months.  I said "hello" and he did not respond--I was not sure if he recognized me as a faculty member of not, but I would be even more alarmed if he thought I was a visitor and didn't greet me, much less didn't respond when I said "hello" to him.  I would walk into a room of 300 students and face silence; they were all looking at a screen, communicating with someone somewhere else (and it was difficult to get their attention away from that)  At the school where I now teach, I can walk into a room of 30 students and have to spend 5 minutes getting their attention because they are so busy talking to one another.  It is a drastic difference.  

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I've been on a number of campuses where students seemed friendly. Whether they are outgoing towards non-students can depend on factors like time of day, day of the week, weather, and if the college has a distinct campus or is more urban and undefined. 

Yesterday I toured Howard University. There was lots of door holding and waving at friends walking the other way. I rode their shuttle to and from the Metro and noticed each student thanked the driver when they got off the shuttle. 

[cintinative]

Thanks everyone.

@Bootsie that is so interesting. I really wonder what our next tour is going to be like. Both universities are in Ohio, and generally people tell me that we Ohioans are friendly.  

The funny thing is that I think I care more about this than my husband or son.  But I am more extroverted and so maybe that is it?  

My son is looking at it all very, very practically. The school we toured checks the boxes academically.  He will be commuting, so he doesn't seem to care about the campus itself.  

[Kassia]

43 minutes ago, cintinative said:

Thanks everyone.

@Bootsie that is so interesting. I really wonder what our next tour is going to be like. Both universities are in Ohio, and generally people tell me that we Ohioans are friendly.  

The funny thing is that I think I care more about this than my husband or son.  But I am more extroverted and so maybe that is it?  

My son is looking at it all very, very practically. The school we toured checks the boxes academically.  He will be commuting, so he doesn't seem to care about the campus itself.  

Three of my kids went to OSU and found it to be a very friendly campus.  We also toured Ohio Northern, Toledo, and CWRU and everyone seemed friendly there too.  We toured other universities as well but these were our experiences in Ohio.  I don't remember any campuses being unfriendly but my kids are older so maybe things are different now?  

[Arcadia]

49 minutes ago, cintinative said:

The funny thing is that I think I care more about this than my husband or son.  But I am more extroverted and so maybe that is it?  

My husband is an introvert and he does care. However we are looking more at do students seems happy and are the chatty ones chatting with friends while walking from one class to another?

When I smile even with my mask on, I do get smiles back from people that aren’t busy reading their cellphones for class schedule, messages, etc. If my husband or my kids are with me, they would open doors for me so I am not surprised no one did that for me. When I am by myself, I do get people opening doors for me, mainly the guys my age and older, and I get called ma’am. The ones around my kids age tend to hold/keep the door open when they see I am behind them going into a building. 

[Miss Tick]

It's so hard to make generalities over thousands of people living all kinds of lives.

I've wondered if the Internet/streaming has affected a change. You can have a soundtrack for your life! People on campus are more likely to have headphones on, even if it is just a convenient way to carry them.

On the 8 campus tours I did in the last year, only once did someone walk up and enquire if we needed any directional assistance. But every time I asked a question of a stranger I got a kind response.

Somewhat ironically, the voluntarily helpful stranger was on the same campus where 6 of the 8 students we met as part of the admissions-organized tour told us the University was their last choice, but it had worked out for them. An oddly consistent mixed message about that University.

[Acorn]

I was recently pondering the same question when touring a large university that is probably close to you.  I didn't expect students to greet us, but I could tell they were ignoring each other as a whole.  It was a lovely day weather wise. Many had headphones and phone conversations while walking between class. I am more familiar with a much smaller campus with less of a commuter population, so the whole vibe was different. 

[cintinative]

2 hours ago, Acorn said:

I was recently pondering the same question when touring a large university that is probably close to you.  I didn't expect students to greet us, but I could tell they were ignoring each other as a whole.  It was a lovely day weather wise. Many had headphones and phone conversations while walking between class. I am more familiar with a much smaller campus with less of a commuter population, so the whole vibe was different. 

I think we are both in Ohio. Could you PM me the one you mean? I am not sure my son cares, but I am curious.  😃

[ScoutTN]

We toured five schools, all very friendly. But this is the south and that is the cultural norm.

[Eos]

On 3/28/2023 at 6:30 AM, Sebastian (a lady) said:

each student thanked the driver when they got off the shuttle. 

Raised right.

[Jann in TX]

We were impressed with the friendliness of my dd's university (Colorado State University).

Her first visit was her Jr year in high school-- several students offered directions and encouragement when she was walking around with DH... My first visit with her was between Jr and Sr year for her-- again several students stopped and asked if she was considering CSU.  The staff we spoke with were friendly and very encouraging-- even tracking down some professors in dd's chosen major for her to visit with on short notice (and they came!)

DD is now a Jr there and spent most of the current semester in a wheel chair-- there are some areas that were difficult (steep) for her to roll on-- while a few students snickered at her, there were always students she did not know who stopped and offered her assistance.  One day after it snowed I had to push her around campus as not all walkways had been plowed yet--I got 'lost' on the way back to the car.  I had students stop and ask if they could help me find where I was going--dd was not with me so this was just students being genuinely nice--or they had pity on a cold, overweight grey haired lady!

I've also been impressed by the friendliness of faculty to students-- while she has had a few 'not great' instructors-- most have been more than accommodating with all of dd's issues.  Her Physics instructors have both been awesome mentors-- and students flock to the tutorials/office hours even if they know the material.

-

When dd made college visits to 2 major Texas universities she and DH were basically ignored-- even the staff they spoke with had little interest and offered minimal answers to their questions...

[MagistraKennedy]

On 3/27/2023 at 3:21 PM, cintinative said:

We went on our first campus tour today.  My husband's college and mine were smaller (his was about 4K and mine about 9K, this one was about 35K). I mentioned to him that I didn't know if it was "this generation" or the campus dynamic but people weren't friendly.  At the college I went to (mind you, I graduated in '95), it was not unusual at all for people to say hi to you even if they didn't know you. And if you saw someone who looked lost, you would ask to see if they needed help.  My husband thought it had something to do with this disconnected generation (with their phones, etc.). 

I am old. Can someone tell me what it is like nowadays? 

 

Hmmm .... do you think it's regional? Size? 

For us -- State Flagship, 30K-- (University of KY) tour guides super friendly, other students seemed bemused at the tour group
State school, midsized (15k) - (Western KY University) tour guides super friendly, students smiling, waving on occasion
SLAC (800-1000 students) (Hanover)  in a tiny town -- tour guide super friendly, staff was aloof, and NO STUDENTS milling around on campus (so odd)
SLAC (1000 students) in urban area (Transylvania)- tour guides friendly, staff friendly, met the college president, and professors smiled, waved and said hello
State school 22K (University of Louisville) - urban area - tour guides were unprofessional, no interactions from students on campus
SLAC (2500 students) (Bellarmine University)- urban area -- super friendly staff, friendly tour guides, minimal interaction from students on campus

Edited April 16, 2023 by MagistraKennedy
clarity

[cintinative]

3 hours ago, MagistraKennedy said:

Hmmm .... do you think it's regional? Size? 

For us -- State Flagship, 30K-- tour guides super friendly, other students seemed bemused at the tour group
State school, midsized (15k) - tour guides super friendly, students smiling, waving on occasion
SLAC (800-1000 students) in a tiny town -- tour guide super friendly, staff was aloof, and NO STUDENTS milling around on campus (so odd)
SLAC (1000 students) in urban area - tour guides friendly, staff friendly, met the college president, and professors smiled, waved and said hello
State school 22K - urban area - tour guides were unprofessional, no interactions from students on campus
SLAC (2500 students) - urban area -- super friendly staff, friendly tour guides, minimal interaction from students on campus

I am not sure we will have as much data as you when we are done.  😃

What state are you in again? You can PM me if you want.

We are touring another school, midsized, on Monday, with a much different campus setting.  

The first school we toured was large (30K) and very urban.

The university I attended (if it counts, since that was almost 30 years ago) was private, about 7K undergrads, and semi-urban

 

[EKS]

On 3/27/2023 at 12:21 PM, cintinative said:

At the college I went to (mind you, I graduated in '95), it was not unusual at all for people to say hi to you even if they didn't know you.

I went to college in the late 80s at a state school with about 8000 students.  I honestly don't remember people saying hi randomly.  This was in California.  Perhaps it's regional?

[MagistraKennedy]

17 hours ago, cintinative said:

I am not sure we will have as much data as you when we are done.  😃

What state are you in again? You can PM me if you want.

We are touring another school, midsized, on Monday, with a much different campus setting.  

The first school we toured was large (30K) and very urban.

The university I attended (if it counts, since that was almost 30 years ago) was private, about 7K undergrads, and semi-urban

 

Well, I tend to be a little neurotic over this .... so there's that. 😉 (I went back and edited my post for clarity) 
My husband and I both went to small private schools, and my daughter told us we didn't do her any favors, as we couldn't speak to life on a big campus. 

I wanted her to see a variety of schools, to see what she wanted. I thought she'd be all over a SLAC, but turns out, she likes more activity and rah-rah. 

Edited April 16, 2023 by MagistraKennedy

[cintinative]

So we went to our second school, mid-sized public (about 14K), very different campus (not urban at all)--and the tour guides were friendly and some of the students said hi.  Pretty much the same type of weather conditions--this time it was also cold, with occasional rain.  The campus is known for being "preppy" which is not my kid at all, but probably 99% of kids yesterday were wearing hoodies.  Have I missed a change in what preppy means? 

Interestingly, I was poking around niche the other day and words that students used to describe the typical student at my alma mater were "friendly" and "welcoming."  So maybe this is a campus personality thing? 

[catz]

These days I would think of preppy vibe on a campus more in line with feel than clothing aesthetics.   Were they hundred dollar designer hoodies?   😂 I think of preppy vibe on campus feeling like it caters to private prep school students.  Maybe leaning toward Greek life, business, finance, econ students, etc. 

[cintinative]

3 minutes ago, catz said:

These days I would think of preppy vibe on a campus more in line with feel than clothing aesthetics.   Were they hundred dollar designer hoodies?   😂 

I don't think so, but I shop at thrift stores, so I would be the last to know.  😃 There is a huge Greek population on this campus.

Back in the 90s when I was in college, grunge was in, and I remember that my campus (expensive, private) had fully embraced grunge while this campus (public) was still wearing turtleneck sweaters, pearls and pants.  We thought it was funny. 

[regentrude]

How many students did you actually meet? I think with any visit, you encounter a tiny sample of the student population, and it does not allow you to draw conclusions about the overall campus.

When I walk across my campus, some students greet me and some ignore me. Most of them know who I am since I teach 800-1000 students a year. Some are exceedingly friendly and outgoing, others are introverted and quiet. Some are heading to their next exam. Some are in a hurry. Some are in a good mood because they had happy news. Some are stressed and anxious.

I don't think a random campus visit allows any generalization.

[EKS]

2 hours ago, regentrude said:

I don't think a random campus visit allows any generalization.

I also don't think that whether or not they say hi to random strangers is a good way to gauge how friendly the students are.

[cintinative]

2 minutes ago, EKS said:

I also don't think that whether or not they say hi to random strangers is a good way to gauge how friendly the students are.

I think this is an interesting observation.

If I was going to a church for the first time and no one said hi to me, I would think the church was pretty unfriendly, because there is an expectation that churches would be welcoming. 

When I go to the grocery, generally I expect to be greeted by my cashier or another store employee.  Some are less friendly than others but I do expect someone to greet me.

Is this really a midwest thing? Because I greet people I don't know in some manner regularly--a smile, a wave, "your kid is adorable" etc. in the neighborhood, out shopping, etc. 

There is also the observation of how friendly students are with each other. On campus 1 there was very little greeting to fellow students, but a lot of head down, looking at phones, walking to class.  At campus 2 I observed students greeting each other often.  

[regentrude]

11 minutes ago, cintinative said:

Is this really a midwest thing? Because I greet people I don't know in some manner regularly--a smile, a wave, "your kid is adorable" etc. in the neighborhood, out shopping, etc. 

Totally a Midwest thing.

When DDs bf was visiting and they went to the movies, he was baffled when dd struck up a friendly chat with the usher. " Do you know her???"

He's from NYC.

[regentrude]

14 minutes ago, cintinative said:

There is also the observation of how friendly students are with each other. On campus 1 there was very little greeting to fellow students, but a lot of head down, looking at phones, walking to class.  At campus 2 I observed students greeting each other often.  

I still don't think this means anything. The head down students may have been just in a class together.  Or may meet up for study group later. How superficially "nice" people are does not say anything about how supportive and collegial they are.

[EKS]

47 minutes ago, cintinative said:

Is this really a midwest thing?

Yes.  My son went to college in Wisconsin and is constantly remarking on the difference between the people there and the people here in the Seattle area with regard to this behavior.

[cintinative]

2 hours ago, regentrude said:

Totally a Midwest thing.

When DDs bf was visiting and they went to the movies, he was baffled when dd struck up a friendly chat with the usher. " Do you know her???"

He's from NYC.

Reminds me of this part from the movie "Enchanted"

[Clemsondana]

Parts of the south are like this, too.  At my undergrad school, people made eye contact and smiled as they passed.  As they entered buildings, they would look to see if anybody was coming and then wait to hold the door open if there was.  When I've been on campus for ball games, students still seem very open and friendly, even if they do call me 'ma'am' now.  🙂  I've been on other campuses where people are perfectly nice, but there is a different vibe.  I think campus cultures get passed down - I know that I was certainly more conscious of it after my first year of college, and I worked at camps on campus 2 summers and always stopped and offered to help lost visitors since I wanted to pass on all of the good stuff that had come my way as a freshman dropped off 8 hours from home knowing nobody.  But, I could see others feeling like it's too much -  there's nothing wrong with having preferences!  

[Arcadia]

On 4/18/2023 at 10:18 AM, cintinative said:

 

There is also the observation of how friendly students are with each other. On campus 1 there was very little greeting to fellow students, but a lot of head down, looking at phones, walking to class.  At campus 2 I observed students greeting each other often.  

That could also have to do with how compact the campus is, how far students have to walk from one class to another. Typically, we see students walking towards the food courts and dining halls were chatting more as they are not rushing to a class. 
 

We were at a campus tour recently and while students were very quiet walking to class and in the study areas, they were chatty and laughing in the engineering lab classes. We could see and hear from the corridors outside the labs. My boys are more concerned with how students behave in classes and group discussions. 

Edited April 21, 2023 by Arcadia
Autocorrect

[regentrude]

4 hours ago, Arcadia said:

 they were chatty and laughing in the engineering lab classes. We could see and hear from the corridors outside the labs. My boys are more concerned with how students behave in classes and group discussions. 

And that varies completely based on the group dynamics. Two sections of the same class with the same teacher in the same room can be completely different, one chatty and engaged, the other completely silent and unresponsive. It takes only a small handful of people to completely alter the dynamics.

[Roadrunner]

Kids on campuses we visited all had ear buds and were listening to something. They weren’t unfriendly if you managed to get their attenuation to ask questions, but getting their attention wasn’t simple. 

[MagistraKennedy]

On 4/18/2023 at 1:31 PM, regentrude said:

Totally a Midwest thing.

When DDs bf was visiting and they went to the movies, he was baffled when dd struck up a friendly chat with the usher. " Do you know her???"

He's from NYC.

I had to laugh at this ----

On our last college tour (a local SLAC), I struck up a conversation with folks from out of town. My daughter said, "There you go again. Making friends wherever you go. 🙄" Pfft.

I'm not likely to see these people again, and I'm curious to know what brings people to our area from out of state. <shrug>