What did your kids think about being homeschooled after being done?

[JazzyMom]

3 hours ago, maize said:

It was never in the cards for any parent to give their kids a perfect childhood or a perfect education. We muddle through, do the best we can, learn and adapt as we grow--and our kids do the same. When kids grow up to resent decisions their parents made, they sometimes have genuine and reasonable complaints but, at least as often, they lack perspective of how difficult the parental job is and think they were owed perfection where perfection was never an option.

This is so true!  I need to post it somewhere and read it every day.

My own response to the OP is that of my oldest 3 children:

-15 yo ds was curious about high school, but didn’t pursue it when given the option.  He’s a strong student, but doesn’t enjoy sitting in class all day for his weekly co-op class and doesn’t think he’d enjoy 5 days of it.  He’s got a good group of friends and is content socially.

-18 yo dd was homeschooled all the way through and is now in college.  So far, her only negative is that she doesn’t initially tell people she was homeschooled because she feels they get judgey.  Later, when they find out she was homeschooled, they say they are surprised because she doesn’t seem like a homeschooler.  Otherwise, she enjoyed the freedom homeschooling gave her in the high school years, and she was well prepared for college.  When discussing younger siblings, she thinks it would be great if I homeschooled them at least until high school.

-21 yo ds was our so called easy child.  He came home from college 2 years ago with some severe mental health issues.  He said he wanted to go to high school at some point - maybe sophomore year?  I put him in co-op and DE classes instead. He did have close friends and a social life, but in hindsight, he had some legitimate complaints.  We are black, and there was very little diversity in our homeschool community when he was growing up.  He also wanted to take a gap year, which we discouraged.  In hindsight, he wasn’t ready for college.

Overall, he seems to feel that there were some benefits to homeschooling, but he should have been allowed to go to high school.  Would that have made a huge difference in his current issues?  Who knows?  He’s still really struggling but trying to get it together.  I’m supporting him the best I can, while at the same time realizing that at this point he has ownership of his own life, and it’s time for me to stop looking back and feeling guilty.

I was very idealistic about homeschooling until my oldest moved back home.  One of the hardest things has been accepting that I can’t be perfect, can’t control the outcome, and can’t control their perceptions.  Who knows what my legacy will be?  I miss the optimistic, confident mom I once was.  Hopefully, an even better version will emerge SOON, lol.  I’m still healing.

I have 5 younger kids, and I used to feel excited about homeschooling all the way through.  Now, I am telling myself to just push through for 4 more years, then reevaluate. 

Edited October 10, 2022 by JazzyMom

[skimomma]

11 minutes ago, JazzyMom said:

 

-18 yo dd was homeschooled all the way through and is now in college.  So far, her only negative is that she doesn’t initially tell people she was homeschooled because she feels they get judgey.  Later, when they find out she was homeschooled, they say they are surprised because she doesn’t seem like a homeschooler.  

 

My dd does this too.  She does not disclose her homeschooling history until she knows someone pretty well.  Same with instructors.  She gets the same reaction every time: "But, you're not weird!"  Sigh.

[73349]

On 10/9/2022 at 10:01 AM, BronzeTurtle said:

Well I guess I would just hate to be a 10, 11, 12yo (or any age really) in a family thinking my parents thought I was an easy kid or a difficult one. That seems like it puts a lot of pressure on a kid either way. Do you think they don't know their parents think of them that way?

My kid saw that I was reading a copy of The Orchid and the Dandelion: "It's a plant book?"

[I explained the premise of the book.]

"I'm an orchid," he declared.

I agreed.

Quote

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me , but I think she enjoyed it.”

― Mark Twain, The Autobiography of Mark Twain

And for kids with siblings, if they're paying attention, it's probably obvious if the parents have to do a lot more for some than others.

 

To the original question: DS is not done yet, but he hasn't loved schooly experiences so far, and like DH (who went to PS all the way through), he would never fit in with the crowd. He wishes knowledge software could just be installed, but since it can't, this is the least annoying option.

 

Edited October 10, 2022 by 73349

[SHP]

One was thrilled to skip high school and go to college instead. In hindsight, I am confident this one would have done fine in a traditional school settings. The issues encountered in college would have been the same regardless. The issues were:

Complaints were about still having to explain what words meant and having to actually study and the lack of pity from me over having to study for calc II.

Early on, I found a group of like minded families all having highly motivate kids and feel that helped a lot.

 

 

[kristin0713]

I'm going to answer on behalf of a good friend with kids a step ahead of mine in life as mine are still in high school. She raised three girls, the third one just graduated college last spring. The oldest is super glad that she homeschooled and plans to homeschool future children. The middle is kind of glad she homeschooled but feels that she missed out on music and theater opportunities growing up and I'm not sure what her plans are for schooling future children.The third believes she was short-changed by homeschooling and was not prepared enough academically (although I can vouch for her mom that this kid had EVERY opportunity to excel and be challenged.) She went to BU and majored in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology. 

My kids, they homeschooled until this year, and entered high school as a junior and freshman. They are in a university model school where they attend three days and work from home 2 days. They are thriving in school right now socially. The younger is struggling a bit with managing his work due to significant ADHD. They complain about getting up at 6am and have both said they want to homeschool next year. I always tell them that we are not talking about next year right now. But honestly, I'm not pulling them. They are doing great and this is exactly what they need. That said, I'm super thankful that we had all of those years at home. I don't think they were short-changed educationally at all. Before COVID, we had a great balance of involvement with other people. I see that coming back in the homeschool circles now too. But I also can see so much good about school that I didn't see before. BUT I still don't feel that my kids missed out because they are getting it now. 

Edited October 10, 2022 by kristin0713

[SanDiegoMom]

My oldest kid was never homeschooled and she was by far my hardest kid.  We wouldn't have survived.  

I homeschooled the younger ones 3rd grade through 8th.  They are easier kids.  They started high school in ninth (zoom -awful) and have been in person for all of 10th and now the first part of 11th. 

My daughter is grateful for the homeschooling -- the long daily grind of public school is not something she particularly enjoys, and she's grateful that we didn't have test stress until high school:)  We had tons of books, nature walks, autonomy, and so much more freedom.

My son got all his acceleration needs taken care of in homeschooling, but he got really lonely.  He's thriving now in high school -- has joined tons of clubs and has made lots of friends.  Everyone thought it would be the other way around -- that he would struggle with the noise and chaos of school and that my dd would be happier. But it's been the opposite! 

I still think it was the right decision for us, and I would have made it again. And I definitely think in person high school was the right decision as well. They really are just happy now either way and don't blame me for any perceived lack or laud me for how wonderful it was.  They are just like hey, that happened, lol.  

[Clarita]

6 hours ago, 73349 said:

My kid saw that I was reading a copy of The Orchid and the Dandelion: "It's a plant book?"

[I explained the premise of the book.]

"I'm an orchid," he declared.

I agreed.

I just read the summary of that book. I love that description of the Orchid and the Dandelion. 

[Ellie]

Older dd is kinda bitter, but TBH, I don't care. Knowing what I know now, I would do it again--maybe differently, but I would still homeschool.

Younger dd is ambivalent.

*I* have no regrets.

[Ellie]

3 hours ago, SanDiegoMom said:

I still think it was the right decision for us, and I would have made it again. And I definitely think in person high school was the right decision as well. They really are just happy now either way and don't blame me for any perceived lack or laud me for how wonderful it was.  They are just like hey, that happened, lol.  

We started hsing in San Diego in the spring of 1982, when I withdrew my older dd from La Mesa Christian School. 🙂

[Jean in Newcastle]

29 minutes ago, Ellie said:

Older dd is kinda bitter, but TBH, I don't care. Knowing what I know now, I would do it again--maybe differently, but I would still homeschool.

Younger dd is ambivalent.

*I* have no regrets.

The “I have no regrets “ part is how I feel as well. From having taught in so many different school settings, I KNOW that my kids who weren’t either round pegs or square pegs were better served with an education tailored to their needs and strengths. Dd would have done ok in brick and mortar school but she absolutely would have fallen through the cracks because she was shy and quiet. 

[Melissa Louise]

I just asked ds. He said, 'mixed, but school would have been an ADHD nightmare and I would have dropped out. So ...'

Not exactly a ringing endorsement of homeschooling OR school but pretty realistic, probably. 

[Not_a_Number]

9 hours ago, skimomma said:

My dd does this too.  She does not disclose her homeschooling history until she knows someone pretty well.  Same with instructors.  She gets the same reaction every time: "But, you're not weird!"  Sigh.

I sometimes feel smug about how my kids aren't weird, lol! 

We're currently visiting California, where DH has lots of friends with kids our kids' ages, and our kids get along with everyone, whereas some of the kids who live here can't manage to get along with the others. And then I feel like we're really doing something right, because the kids are thoughtful and considerate with their friends and have definitely taken the things we've talked to them about to heart, even if they can't apply it in the household 😂 (and yes, I know that's normal!) 

[KSera]

56 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I sometimes feel smug about how my kids aren't weird, lol! 

An awful lot of "weird" homeschooled kids are "weird" because they're on the spectrum, in my experience. It's not uncommon for parents of these kids to look for schooling scenarios that will fit their kids better than the standard public school one, so there seems a high prevalence of ASD in homeschool circles. It always feels unfair and distasteful to me when people think homeschooling made kids "weird" when the kids just are who they are. I don't think neurotypical homeschooled kids are neurotypical because their parents made them that way. I've got both kinds. I expect there are people who meet my kids on the spectrum and similarly feel smug that their kids are "normal".

[Not_a_Number]

11 minutes ago, KSera said:

An awful lot of "weird" homeschooled kids are "weird" because they're on the spectrum, in my experience. It's not uncommon for parents of these kids to look for schooling scenarios that will fit their kids better than the standard public school one, so there seems a high prevalence of ASD in homeschool circles. It always feels unfair and distasteful to me when people think homeschooling made kids "weird" when the kids just are who they are. I don't think neurotypical homeschooled kids are neurotypical because their parents made them that way. I've got both kinds. I expect there are people who meet my kids on the spectrum and similarly feel smug that their kids are "normal".

I don't mean that kind of weird. I can recognize spectrumy kids a mile away. 

[maize]

Re: homeschooling and kids coming across as "weird" or not--I do think there is a higher than average percentage of quirky people in the homeschooling world, and I think most  mainstream folks who encounter us get the correlation vs causation thing wrong. Specifically, I think that people who don't fit into the norms--because of neurodivergence or other factors--are more likely to end up homeschooling.

My kids are quirky. My husband and I are quirky. Homeschooling didn't cause the kids to be quirky any more than public-all-the-way-through caused my husband's quirkiness. Myself, I used to give background more credit; these days I credit mostly genetics for my quirkiness. My life pre-kids was crazily eclectic, so there were many possible explanations for not really fitting in anywhere; family members have pointed out however that my parents didn't fit in when they were a young couple living in my dad's hometown. I'm convinced at this point that fitting in never was in the cards for me and most of my siblings. 

Neurodivergence definitely runs in my family. I remember many years ago talking with a relative who was blaming homeschooling for some of my cousins being "weird." It was clear to me that the cousins were no more weird than their parents, and both parents had been through the public school system. If we're going to go blaming quirky behavior on education let's at least be even handed and blame institutional schooling for all the quirks of people who emerge from that system!

Anyway, I doubt my kids will get a lot of "you're so normal!" comments when people learn they were homeschooled. I'm just grateful they've been spared 12+ years of more neurotypical kids and adults in the school system treating them like they are lesser because they don't fit in the expected box.

Edited October 11, 2022 by maize

[KSera]

44 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I don't mean that kind of weird. I can recognize spectrumy kids a mile away. 

Both of mine were missed in childhood by a total of three very experienced neuropsychs between them as well as other professionals who never saw it. Not all kids on the spectrum come across in a more typically spectrum way.

 

But to answer your original question, my kids who are grown are now both glad they were homeschooled. One always was and the other had a year near the end of highschool where she thought she had missed out on things her public schooled friends (who all hated their school) were doing. By mid-college, she saw it had been a benefit and at this point, thinks school would have been miserable due to neurodivergence, and homeschooling allowed her to have a really great, fun childhood where she felt successful and enjoyed learning and the copious free time for play that she really needed. They do not think school would have been like that.

Edited October 11, 2022 by KSera

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, maize said:

Re: homeschooling and kids coming across as "weird" or not--I do think there is a higher than average percentage of quirky people in the homeschooling world, and I think most  mainstream folks who encounter us get the correlation vs causation thing wrong. Specifically, I think that people who don't fit into the norms--because of neurodivergence or other factors--are more likely to end up homeschooling.

My kids are quirky. My husband and I are quirky. Homeschooling didn't cause them to be quirky any more than public-all-the-way-through caused my husband's quirkiness. Myself, I used to give background more credit; these days I credit mostly genetics for my quirkiness. My life pre-kids was crazily eclectic, so there were many possible explanations for not really fitting in anywhere; family members have pointed out however that my parents didn't fit in when we were a young couple living in my dad's hometown. I'm convinced at this point that fitting in never was in the cards for me and most of my siblings. 

Neurodivergence definitely runs in my family. I remember many years ago

 talking with a relative who was blaming homeschooling for some of my cousins being "weird." It was clear to me that the cousins were no more weird than their parents, and both parents had been through the public school system. If we're going to go blame quirky behavior on education let's at least be even handed and blame institutional schooling for all the quirks of people who emerge from that system!

Anyway, I doubt my kids will get a lot of "you're so normal!" comments when people learn they were homeschooled. I'm just grateful they've been spared 12+ years of more neurotypical kids and adults in the school system treating them like they are lesser because they don't fit in the expected box.

We're quirky, too. That might be partially why I'm proud my kids get on well with other kids. To be fair, I'm spectrumy but my husband is not, and some of the social ability is merely his genes. (He's still very quirky! But not at all spectrumy. He has an unusual mix of traits for a STEM guy.)

[Not_a_Number]

23 minutes ago, KSera said:

Both of mine were missed in childhood by a total of three very experienced neuropsychs between them as well as other professionals who never saw it. Not all kids on the spectrum come across in a more typically spectrum way.

I believe it. I've genuinely spotted it even for kids who weren't diagnosed for a while, though. Probably because I'm spectrumy myself (the broader phenotype rather than actual diagnosis, I'd guess) and it has this ineffable familiar feeling to it. 

But I obviously can't say whether I'd have gotten it for your kids! Probably useless to guess the counterfactual 🙂 . 

 

23 minutes ago, KSera said:

But to answer your original question, my kids who are grown are now both glad they were homeschooled. One always was and the other had a year near the end of highschool where she thought she had missed out on things her public schooled friends (who all hated their school) were doing. By mid-college, she saw it had been a benefit and at this point, thinks school would have been miserable due to neurodivergence, and homeschooling allowed her to have a really great, fun childhood where she felt successful and enjoyed learning and the copious free time for play that she really needed. They do not think school would have been like that.

I'm glad they're glad! I'm really hoping my kids feel the same way when we're done, despite all the struggles. 

Edited October 11, 2022 by Not_a_Number

[Melissa Louise]

29 minutes ago, maize said:

Re: homeschooling and kids coming across as "weird" or not--I do think there is a higher than average percentage of quirky people in the homeschooling world, and I think most  mainstream folks who encounter us get the correlation vs causation thing wrong. Specifically, I think that people who don't fit into the norms--because of neurodivergence or other factors--are more likely to end up homeschooling.

My kids are quirky. My husband and I are quirky. Homeschooling didn't cause the kids to be quirky any more than public-all-the-way-through caused my husband's quirkiness. Myself, I used to give background more credit; these days I credit mostly genetics for my quirkiness. My life pre-kids was crazily eclectic, so there were many possible explanations for not really fitting in anywhere; family members have pointed out however that my parents didn't fit in when they were a young couple living in my dad's hometown. I'm convinced at this point that fitting in never was in the cards for me and most of my siblings. 

Neurodivergence definitely runs in my family. I remember many years ago talking with a relative who was blaming homeschooling for some of my cousins being "weird." It was clear to me that the cousins were no more weird than their parents, and both parents had been through the public school system. If we're going to go blaming quirky behavior on education let's at least be even handed and blame institutional schooling for all the quirks of people who emerge from that system!

Anyway, I doubt my kids will get a lot of "you're so normal!" comments when people learn they were homeschooled. I'm just grateful they've been spared 12+ years of more neurotypical kids and adults in the school system treating them like they are lesser because they don't fit in the expected box.

This x 100. 

I took a break over Covid from seeing many of my old homeschool buddies. Seeing them again recently reminded me that I feel way more 'myself' with then than I do working in a school - because the quirky rates are very high in homeschooling, and not just amongst the kids! 

I definitely feel that the choice to take dd1 (autistic, but we did not know) out of school saved her a lot of grief, and that homeschooling ds (ADHD, though again, we didn't know) was a good move as well. 

Most definitely, though, the quirkiness preceded the homeschooling. 

 

 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Melissa Louise said:

This x 100. 

I took a break over Covid from seeing many of my old homeschool buddies. Seeing them again recently reminded me that I feel way more 'myself' with then than I do working in a school - because the quirky rates are very high in homeschooling, and not just amongst the kids! 

I definitely feel that the choice to take dd1 (autistic, but we did not know) out of school saved her a lot of grief, and that homeschooling ds (ADHD, though again, we didn't know) was a good move as well. 

Most definitely, though, the quirkiness preceded the homeschooling. 

As a counterpoint, though, I believe that the method of socialization affects personality and achievement, or I wouldn't be homeschooling. Everything is a mixture of nature and nurture. 

[Melissa Louise]

1 hour ago, KSera said:

An awful lot of "weird" homeschooled kids are "weird" because they're on the spectrum, in my experience. It's not uncommon for parents of these kids to look for schooling scenarios that will fit their kids better than the standard public school one, so there seems a high prevalence of ASD in homeschool circles. It always feels unfair and distasteful to me when people think homeschooling made kids "weird" when the kids just are who they are. I don't think neurotypical homeschooled kids are neurotypical because their parents made them that way. I've got both kinds. I expect there are people who meet my kids on the spectrum and similarly feel smug that their kids are "normal".

Yep. Amen. Thank you. 

(Also totally missed it.)

 

 

[Melissa Louise]

Just now, Not_a_Number said:

As a counterpoint, though, I believe that the method of socialization affects personality and achievement, or I wouldn't be homeschooling. Everything is a mixture of nature and nurture. 

School wouldn't have cured my kids' quirks. 

 

[Rosie_0801]

6 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

As a counterpoint, though, I believe that the method of socialization affects personality and achievement, or I wouldn't be homeschooling. Everything is a mixture of nature and nurture. 

For sure. Mine has turned out to be her friend group's agony aunt, much to the surprise of her uncle and I. 

[Not_a_Number]

4 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

School wouldn't have cured my kids' quirks. 

Absolutely not. Nor did it cure mine. 

I was saying it the other way: there are some kids who are quirky because they are badly socialized. Like, I knew one kid who was always on a device and who only ever talked to the nanny who barely spoke back... that definitely seemed to stunt him. 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Rosie_0801 said:

For sure. Mine has turned out to be her friend group's agony aunt, much to the surprise of her uncle and I. 

Hey, neat! What makes her well-suited for that? 

[Rosie_0801]

Just now, Not_a_Number said:

Hey, neat! What makes her well-suited for that? 

We like to blab and she bothers to listen.

Most people's parents, she has found, don't tell them much. They're glad she tells them stuff in the same way she's glad we tell her stuff.

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Rosie_0801 said:

We like to blab and she bothers to listen.

Most people's parents, she has found, don't tell them much. They're glad she tells them stuff in the same way she's glad we tell her stuff.

I've noticed that, too -- parents don't communicate with their kids much. It's a real shame. 

[Rosie_0801]

7 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I've noticed that, too -- parents don't communicate with their kids much. It's a real shame. 

And the kids are afraid to talk to their adults.

 

Maybe there's no room for fear to develop when one's adults blab as much as we do. Kid can be sure we're not hiding much. 😂 But really, most of life isn't personal in the sense that it *should* be kept from one's kids.
I remember a much younger friend telling me he how much he disapproved of my communicative style of parenting, until he met my kid, then he said "She isn't afraid of you."
Me: 😳😳😳 *okay, should probably stop staring now, but* 😳

[Melissa Louise]

52 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Absolutely not. Nor did it cure mine. 

I was saying it the other way: there are some kids who are quirky because they are badly socialized. Like, I knew one kid who was always on a device and who only ever talked to the nanny who barely spoke back... that definitely seemed to stunt him. 

Yeah, I wouldn't call that quirky.

I'd call that 'poorly socialized'.

But, ya know, there's a reason kids try to self-regulate with screens and have selective mutism!

[Jean in Newcastle]

34 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Yeah, I wouldn't call that quirky.

I'd call that 'poorly socialized'.

But, ya know, there's a reason kids try to self-regulate with screens and have selective mutism!

Not to mention that there are kids like that in public school and private schools.  Just because they are bullied often mercilessly doesn't mean that it cures them and socializes them. 

[Melissa Louise]

46 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Not to mention that there are kids like that in public school and private schools.  Just because they are bullied often mercilessly doesn't mean that it cures them and socializes them. 

So many. 

So many unmet needs out there. 

I don't ever feel smug; I often feel sad when I talk to my 'weird' students.

They are generally awesome but underserved by the system and sometimes the family. 

 

[Rosie_0801]

57 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

So many. 

So many unmet needs out there. 

I don't ever feel smug; I often feel sad when I talk to my 'weird' students.

They are generally awesome but underserved by the system and sometimes the family. 

 

I'm feeling particularly that way about some of dd's queer friends. They sound like stories I've read of what ought to be "the olden days." They know there's a community to identify with, but they don't seem to know there is a history, a lineage they belong to, and some are absolutely desperate for it.

[Melissa Louise]

1 hour ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I'm feeling particularly that way about some of dd's queer friends. They sound like stories I've read of what ought to be "the olden days." They know there's a community to identify with, but they don't seem to know there is a history, a lineage they belong to, and some are absolutely desperate for it.

A lot of kids seem unmoored. 

[Clemsondana]

A couple of unrelated thoughts on this.  I have a friend who homeschooled and taught, and her belief was that homeschoolers tend to become 'more of who they are', for better or worse.  She thought that school caused more conformity.  For kids with helpful quirks or who learned good skills, homeschooling was great because they tended to be comfortable just being themselves, but if they were headed in bad direction it was easier for them to run off the rails.  

I think that, socially, it can be similar.  Homeschool kids either learn to get along with others and be friendly in lots of situations, or they can be lonely.  Of course sweet kids can be lonely too, but homeschooling, at least in our case, forces a certain amount of 'you have to meet people because you won't have a social group that you see daily assigned to you'.  My kids handle this differently - one talks to people in lots of places, while the other is a quieter hard worker.  But, it's been interesting.  I always assumed that my chatty kid would meet people, and they do.  My other kid, though...nerdy, speech issue that is mostly remediated but kid still sounds a bit different when talking...I assumed this kid would get along with their nerd friends who do science competitions but struggle elsewhere.  But, this kid gets along with sports kids, too.  I think that homeschooling actually helped this kid be more confident.  Kid doesn't really care what others, espeically strangers, think, so was never a good target for potential bullies.  In a strange way, being 'less socialiazed' actually made kid less awkward.  

The 'being unmoored' is something that public school friends noticed several years ago.  One family consciously started inviting their kid's high school ball team for get-togethers because the kids needed a community.  

And, on a note that we haven't talked about yet, once of the differences that I see with homeschool kids is that they can be kids longer.  When I've volunteered in afterschool programs, they take the kids outside and have books and homework time and snack time.  The better ones have blocks and legos and places to play foursquare.  But, the kids don't have dolls and action figures and matchbox cars and those sorts of things.  I understand why - maintenance would be hard, stuff would get broken and stolen, etc.  But, that's a lot of kids who aren't getting as much pretend play.  Homeschool kids often play longer, and because there is more mixed-age play even middle or high schoolers sometimes 'play' under the guise of doing things with little kids.  I don't know exactly what that does for brains, both the pretending and the ability to still do it as a much older kid.  I tend to think that it's good for emotional regulation, sort of an escape as they grow up.  

Edited October 11, 2022 by Clemsondana

[Roadrunner]

Loneliness is horrible. At the end that’s what defined our experience. Yes educational experience was superior, but that isn’t everything. 
Nothing I regret more than homeschooling high school.
Things are tough here. 

[regentrude]

4 minutes ago, Roadrunner said:

Loneliness is horrible. At the end that’s what defined our experience. Yes educational experience was superior, but that isn’t everything. 
Nothing I regret more than homeschooling high school.
Things are tough here. 

Yes, loneliness is horrible. But kids can also be desperately lonely in a public school setting surrounded by bullies. My one thing I regret is not pulling DD out of ps earlier and having her suffer through a horrible year because I didn't know the extent of what was happening. School isn't a cure for loneliness either. 

[Roadrunner]

2 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Yes, loneliness is horrible. But kids can also be desperately lonely in a public school setting surrounded by bullies. My one thing I regret is not pulling DD out of ps earlier and having her suffer through a horrible year because I didn't know the extent of what was happening. School isn't a cure for loneliness either. 

It has been for mine. The difference after putting him in high school is day and night. I regret not doing it sooner. 
 

[Bambam]

I've graduated both of mine, but that was before the pandemic, so COVID did not impact their homeschool years. 

The first one? She started DC in 9th grade, was very active in several groups (some mostly homeschooled, one mostly PS (which she noted that the kids had no conversational topics except teachers, classes, and other students)), and we had regular meetups/parties with other homeschooled teens.  When she first went to college, she was angry with me for "isolating" her by homeschooling (and in a small town too!)  She has graduated now (1.5 years ago), and she realizes to a great extent, she was wrong about any perceived deficits from homeschooling.  She did well in college, she was well prepared. She did think I should have exposed her to more drug taking, alcohol, promiscuity, teacher/student relationships, etc because that was common in college, so she was shocked, and she should have been better prepared, but she would also recount how her friends, once they learned she was homeschooled and these things were new to her, would say they envied her because she didn't have to deal with fights, drugs, alcohol, etc. They also noted that it was well known in their schools that Mr.Teacher was sleeping with ThisStudent - and that was just uncomfortable/unpleasant. So, I guess for both sets, the grass really is greener on the other side - but there are advantages and disadvantages to both. She now is more reasonable, I haven't ask lately, but homeschooling did give her a significant advantage in her volunteer high school positions have led to jobs that she was ideal.  She was also sure that homeschooling left her at a great disadvantage in her science labs (Biology major) because she never got to work with that quality/range of machines. Turns out - she learned that few of her classmates had either. 

The second one - she started DC in 10th grade, very active in 3 different groups, also had a job. She appreciated homeschooling, Public school would have been unpleasant for her. She realizes she got a good education that prepared her well for college. She has expressed appreciation for her homeschool career. 

Both girls went to the same college and were in the Honors program. I met the head of the program, who also taught two of the classes they were both in (different times!), and he congratulated me on a job well done. 

Both girls have noted several times that the vast majority of their peers do not have any critical thinking skills (and some were on debate teams, so that surprised me!). 
 

[pinball]

22 minutes ago, Bambam said:

I've graduated both of mine, but that was before the pandemic, so COVID did not impact their homeschool years. 

The first one? She started DC in 9th grade, was very active in several groups (some mostly homeschooled, one mostly PS (which she noted that the kids had no conversational topics except teachers, classes, and other students)), and we had regular meetups/parties with other homeschooled teens.  When she first went to college, she was angry with me for "isolating" her by homeschooling (and in a small town too!)  She has graduated now (1.5 years ago), and she realizes to a great extent, she was wrong about any perceived deficits from homeschooling.  She did well in college, she was well prepared. She did think I should have exposed her to more drug taking, alcohol, promiscuity, teacher/student relationships, etc because that was common in college, so she was shocked, and she should have been better prepared, but she would also recount how her friends, once they learned she was homeschooled and these things were new to her, would say they envied her because she didn't have to deal with fights, drugs, alcohol, etc. They also noted that it was well known in their schools that Mr.Teacher was sleeping with ThisStudent - and that was just uncomfortable/unpleasant. So, I guess for both sets, the grass really is greener on the other side - but there are advantages and disadvantages to both. She now is more reasonable, I haven't ask lately, but homeschooling did give her a significant advantage in her volunteer high school positions have led to jobs that she was ideal.  She was also sure that homeschooling left her at a great disadvantage in her science labs (Biology major) because she never got to work with that quality/range of machines. Turns out - she learned that few of her classmates had either. 

The second one - she started DC in 10th grade, very active in 3 different groups, also had a job. She appreciated homeschooling, Public school would have been unpleasant for her. She realizes she got a good education that prepared her well for college. She has expressed appreciation for her homeschool career. 

Both girls went to the same college and were in the Honors program. I met the head of the program, who also taught two of the classes they were both in (different times!), and he congratulated me on a job well done. 

Both girls have noted several times that the vast majority of their peers do not have any critical thinking skills (and some were on debate teams, so that surprised me!). 
 

This is high school?

That’s called RAPE…

It’s IILEGAL……IMMORAL…DISGUSTING….not “unpleasant” or “uncomfortable”

Call the school and the cops and report this

 

[ScoutTN]

My older is a senior and is glad to have homeschooled. She has great community and has flourished academically and socially. I will be interested to hear what she says a few years from now.

My younger is a hard kid, very oppositional and with ADHD. We put him in school three years ago and should have done it earlier, though in a different school. All of my choices for him have been wrong and I grieve the poor education he has received. He is managing ok in ps, but could have had a better path. He is just a really hard kid.

[Bambam]

16 minutes ago, pinball said:

This is high school?

That’s called RAPE…

It’s IILEGAL……IMMORAL…DISGUSTING….not “unpleasant” or “uncomfortable”

Call the school and the cops and report this

 

Yes, I think so too. But this was years ago. And I only heard it when I mentioned that there were a couple of teachers in our area who were arrested for this offense. And that is when she mentioned that her PS friends said that this was not that unusual in high school and all the kids already knew about it (no specifics). I'm sure there was some exaggeration there, but the question I have is -- why didn't these kids mention this to their parents, their teachers, the supervision at school, etc - if the majority of the kids know, and it was continuing, why wasn't someone telling the law and getting it stopped? 

And as for the "unpleasant/uncomfortable" comment - that is what these non-involved but knew-about-it kids said about the situation at their school -for them. 

Edited October 11, 2022 by Bambam

[TexasProud]

19 minutes ago, pinball said:

This is high school?

That’s called RAPE…

It’s IILEGAL……IMMORAL…DISGUSTING….not “unpleasant” or “uncomfortable”

Call the school and the cops and report this

 

Yeah, nothing new. Seriously, this past summer there were 4 or 5 cases that made the news. So yeah.  They are so incredibly desperate for teachers. Many of the ones I have seen lately are teachers 22-25.  I know, still too old. But they are desperate for connection. Yes, wrong. Yes, rape. But I'm betting those teachers had the maturity of a high schooler.  Doesn't make it right.  Just stating.

[wendyroo]

9 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

Yeah, I wouldn't call that quirky.

I'd call that 'poorly socialized'.

But, ya know, there's a reason kids try to self-regulate with screens and have selective mutism!

I very much make this distinction too.

I absolutely model, teach, and expect my children to be "socialized" in the sense of functioning in society, showing people respect and not discriminating against individuals or groups, fulfilling societal duties and responsibilities, etc. I also aim for my kids to know our society's norms - Elliot certainly know that in our society, eleven year olds eating oatmeal with their hands is not the norm.

But, for me, fixing "quirkiness" that doesn't negatively impact other people isn't a high priority. Elliot knows that most eleven year olds use silverware most of the time, he knows the advantages of silverware, he knows how to use silverware, he has the fine motor skills to use silverware...and yet most of the time he doesn't. Nobody knows why...probably for the same reason he sleeps directly on the carpet knowing it exacerbates his asthma, breaks all his pencils despite knowing he doesn't like using broken pencils, and all the other illogical stuff he does.

So with all Elliot's (and my other kids') "quirks", I explain, encourage, perhaps even incentivize "expected" behaviors, and then I let it go. Elliot has to accept washing his hands more often during meals, perpetually having stains on his clothes, not being allowed to read or do other activities while eating, etc. He has to accept that people will judge him for his quirky, unexpected behaviors, and could treat him differently. But that is on him; he is his own person and gets to make his own choices.

And while Elliot has always tended more toward excessively verbose than uncommunicative, there have definitely been times when he was "rudely" glued to a screen at a socially frowned upon time. All I can say is that society should mind its own business and stop trying to micromanage everyone! If Elliot needs to ignore everyone and stare at a screen throughout a museum trip, park play date or holiday meal to avoid a tantrum so that the rest of the family can enjoy the activity, so be it.

I'm always disheartened by how judgy people are towards perfectly harmless behaviors that are just different. Neurotypicality is a spectrum - there are plenty of kids (and adults) who would not be diagnosed with anything, and yet are more comfortable doing some things or handling some situations in harmless, but socially unexpected ways. I will never be smug about my kids blending in socially or getting along easily with friends, partly because those are unlikely to be traits my kids have, but more importantly because I don't think the lack of those traits indicates a character flaw.

[Clarita]

3 hours ago, Bambam said:

She did think I should have exposed her to more drug taking, alcohol, promiscuity, teacher/student relationships, etc because that was common in college, so she was shocked, and she should have been better prepared, but she would also recount how her friends, once they learned she was homeschooled and these things were new to her, would say they envied her because she didn't have to deal with fights, drugs, alcohol, etc.

Her friends are absolutely right. Having it exposure to it in high school just means you get the shock when you are 14 instead of 19. Maybe teens know more what exactly the legal lines are nowadays, and maybe schools and administrations believe the students more, but I definitely remember as a teen not knowing whether an ugly thing a teacher did was just not great or actually illegal or grounds for termination. 

[Momto6inIN]

My 3 graduates are all glad we did it and they all think that me continuing to hs my 3 younger kids is a good idea.

The oldest wishes we had started hs'ing sooner and is very positive about every aspect of his experience. He was glad to have been able to be accelerated and take math at his speed and have extra time to learn a few programming languages, which he feels (rightly, imo) that he wouldn't have had time to do if he was in ps.

2nd oldest is very positive about his experience as well and is glad to have been able to form the relationships and gain the leadership experience he did in his very time intensive ECs, neither of which would have been possible if he was in ps and both of which were instrumental in him earning a full tuition scholarship. He has commented that his social experience was different than it would have been had he gone to ps and he sometimes wonders if he would have enjoyed that as well as he did hs'ing, but I don't get the feeling he thinks it would have been superior in any way, just different.

3rd oldest also wishes we had started hs'ing earlier. She is very glad that she missed a lot of the stuff that her peers in college talk about as being part of their normal ps experience.

[Cordelia]

DH and I were both homeschooled. Both of us were looking for a spouse who was at least open to homeschooling. No regrets here. 

[Roadrunner]

I do think pandemic made things terrible here. All extracurriculars suspended and all courses moved online. Sitting on the same chair day in and out for couple of years and no community (we are rural and know no other high school homeschoolers) broke my kid. I think if we had a thriving homeschool community and lots of friends or a large family full of cousins, there might have been fewer regrets. 

Edited October 11, 2022 by Roadrunner

[maize]

9 hours ago, regentrude said:

Yes, loneliness is horrible. But kids can also be desperately lonely in a public school setting surrounded by bullies. My one thing I regret is not pulling DD out of ps earlier and having her suffer through a horrible year because I didn't know the extent of what was happening. School isn't a cure for loneliness either. 

This was my experience in school. The bullying was mostly late elementary through middle school years; by the time I got to high school I had basically just withdrawn and resigned myself to being a loner.

In my experience, being lonely in a crowd is more painful than being lonely by myself.

[freesia]

1 hour ago, Roadrunner said:

I do think pandemic made things terrible here. All extracurriculars suspended and all courses moved online. Sitting on the same chair day in and out for couple of years and no community (we are rural and know no other high school homeschoolers) broke my kid. I think if we had a thriving homeschool community and lots of friends or a large family full of cousins, there might have been fewer regrets. 

I’m sorry, Roadrunner. My middle two kids high school years were definitely impacted socially by the pandemic. Things have gotten a lot better starting with this school year. It’s been so hard. I can’t imagine being rural and having had no one at all for my kids. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s sometimes hard to know what is too much until it happens.  I’m really glad he’s doing better. 

[freesia]

1 hour ago, maize said:

This was my experience in school. The bullying was mostly late elementary through middle school years; by the time I got to high school I had basically just withdrawn and resigned myself to being a loner.

In my experience, being lonely in a crowd is more painful than being lonely by myself.

I’m so sorry Maize. You are such a wise, caring, resilient person. I wish that could have been appreciated by your peers. My heart aches for you and @regentrude ‘s dd.