What about bras?

[bluemongoose]

17 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

I don't even find underwire uncomfortable. Idk. Maybe I just wear really good bras? 

I think, sitting here in a sleep bra and paying attn to what I like about it, and I think it's the feeling of slight pressure? holding? Anyway, some sensory thing, just in the opposite direction. 

Or you are one of the lucky few that the root size of your bOOks (ie the size underwire you need) matches the cup size. There is an industry standard of what wire size goes with which cup size. The fact that people aren't made "standard" means that the underwires are often really uncomfortable for a lot of people. I can buy a really good bra, spend a lot of money on one, and it wont fix the fact that I need an underwire for a bra cup 3 sizes bigger than what I the standard says my cup size requires. Some people need a wire that is smaller than what the industry standard says for their cup size. Then there is the width between the bOOks. It is often hard to find one that fits that area too unless you are in a happy medium. Most people are either closer together or a little further apart. This is more common than you think, people just don't know why it is that they are uncomfortable. They just know that they are and that they can get fitted many times, spend money on "good bras" and yet nothing feels good. 

[Farrar]

Two thoughts on this thread.

One, my biggest bra issue is that I sweat so darn much that they refuse to dry in summer. It's icky. I have yet to find one that is made to dry faster.

Two, it makes me sad how body shamey people can be to other women. Nipples under fabric are fine. Get over it. When I was younger, I wasn't bothered by that at all. Now I'm not bothered by it on others, but it makes me personally feel a bit uncomfortable and frumpy in a way that I didn't when I was in my early 20's and a size 8 with small books and pretty small nips that had never fed babies.

[Ting Tang]

13 hours ago, Shelydon said:

I think women that are smaller busted have no idea how awkward it is to be really large chested. I am a 32 J. A DDD is 4 sizes to small. I wear a bra unless I am asleep. 

That is me I am quite thin with a larger cup size.  Pumping for the kids did seem to deflate them a little bit.  I try to be a little bit active with my kids when they are exercising, so I must contain them, LOL!  

[ktgrok]

4 hours ago, MEmama said:

Shame, yes, but also we are *constantly* subject to the male gaze. The leering at us starts young, as we all know, and is unavoidable. I’m not ashamed of my body, but I also don’t want anyone feeling that they are entitled to it—and that includes the gross staring that ALL MEN (I’ll say it) do. I can’t even wear a tank top without a bra in my own house without DH staring and giving *that* look. So yeah, sometimes I just want to cover up because otherwise I just feel angry and disgusted. Why can’t they just let us exist in peace! 🤬
 

 

Ah, that does make sense. I totally get that. 

3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Through a thin white shirt, yes, I think they are. If you can see the color of them, I think they are. But in Jennifer's case they were probably just showing the shape. And I could be mistaken or it could vary from tv producer to tv producer or network or something like that. 

 

Ok, I actually agree that if you can see color and details, that's more like being topless, which is beyond my comfort level personally. Like, in a wet t-shirt contest, where it is see through. I do tend to stick to dark or patterned fabric myself when braless around anyone other than DH, for that reason. 

But even though I'm sometimes less comfy with being braless in public than I like, I have no issues with other people doing it. I don't htink it is wrong, just my own hangups. 

[Tanaqui]

Quote

One, my biggest bra issue is that I sweat so darn much that they refuse to dry in summer. It's icky. I have yet to find one that is made to dry faster.

 

I know you're not supposed to, and I even know why, but I shamelessly use antiperspirant underneath in the summer. If this causes any sort of long-term problems, well, at least I won't be gross and sweaty.

[KungFuPanda]

I wear a bra if I’m leaving the house, and keep it on when I return, but there is a moment at night when a switch is flipped and I HAVE to remove it. It comes through the arm of my t-shirt and lands on the arm of the sofa.
 

I will intentionally wear the wrong sized bra. I’m supposed to wear a 34 but I often buy 36’s so the band is looser. I understand that the band provides most of the support, but I don’t really need support.  When you’re small chested gravity isn’t the real issue. I’m just trying to avoid a nipple outline, so my bras are more like slips. Sometimes I just do a cami with a shelf bra and call it done. 
 

I don’t really care if other people are out there braless or showing their nips through their shirt. That’s their own business. Bodies don’t really shock me. I’ve been too desensitized by back-stage quick changes to be bothered by skin. 

[marbel]

5 hours ago, ktgrok said:

But even though I'm sometimes less comfy with being braless in public than I like, I have no issues with other people doing it. I don't htink it is wrong, just my own hangups. 

Do you mean to say that your discomfort with being braless in public is a hangup? 'Cause if so, I would challenge you to rethink that; many people in this thread have said they are physically more comfortable with a bra than without. Even being psychologically/emotionally (not sure of the right term here) more comfortable with than without is not necessarily a hangup, it can simply be a preference.  If that's not what you're saying, well, never mind, 'cause I misunderstood.

I'd say it may be a hangup if seeing other people braless is bothersome. 

ETA: And were none of you around in the '70s? Ni**les all over the place. The fashionable bras were stretchy bits of lace. Even in high school  I needed support and I hated that time. 

Edited July 18, 2022 by marbel

[Melissa Louise]

5 hours ago, bluemongoose said:

Or you are one of the lucky few that the root size of your bOOks (ie the size underwire you need) matches the cup size. There is an industry standard of what wire size goes with which cup size. The fact that people aren't made "standard" means that the underwires are often really uncomfortable for a lot of people. I can buy a really good bra, spend a lot of money on one, and it wont fix the fact that I need an underwire for a bra cup 3 sizes bigger than what I the standard says my cup size requires. Some people need a wire that is smaller than what the industry standard says for their cup size. Then there is the width between the bOOks. It is often hard to find one that fits that area too unless you are in a happy medium. Most people are either closer together or a little further apart. This is more common than you think, people just don't know why it is that they are uncomfortable. They just know that they are and that they can get fitted many times, spend money on "good bras" and yet nothing feels good. 

Yes, maybe. Breast privilege? My cup to band size ratio is hard to fit though. I can go into a lingerie store and have only one single bra in the whole store fit.

(I'd love to be one of the happily bra-free - I hate the cost.)

[Melissa Louise]

8 hours ago, marbel said:

I actually do find it unattractive/distasteful to see men shirtless out and about in public (other than the beach). It's not because <gasp> I can see their n***les.  I didn't even mention n***les in my post. My preference for wearing a bra has nothing to do with that. 

Re: the bolded. Why would my kids get the impression that I am uncomfortable? Because I put on typical undergarments on a daily basis? Do you imagine I'm announcing "I'm putting on a bra so you don't see these old girls flapping about?"I mean it's true I am more comfortable, physically and otherwise - so.... am I supposed to give up my own comfort so my young adult kids (and their friends) can see my br**sts in their natural state under my t-shirt? Sorry, my kids have caused plenty of discomfort in my life; allow me to be comfortable in my clothing.  

I hate seeing men out in public topless. Their nipples are the least of it. (Sorry for nipple shaming the blokes). Put a bloody top on! 

I really don't care what other women do. I'm like you, though, I got to an age and post long term breastfeeding status where I definitely look better in my PJs with a sleep bra! That's a bonus, though, it's all comfort for me. 

 

 

[bluemongoose]

lol. I don't know about breast privilege...but yes, bras are one of the many things sold to women that are not designed well and make us feel badly when really it is not us, it is the bra. And yes, the band to cup ratio is also an issue. Really the whole way bras are sized is all shenanigans...sister sizes etc. 

[bluemongoose]

To answer the above, I do go bra free at home a good portion of the time and I do not care about my sons seeing. They are used to it and it is not an issue. They usually go around just in shorts and I do not make a deal out of that either. In public though, they wear shirts and I wear a bra. I see plenty of people that don't, but I feel more comfortable with my level of bustiness not drawing attention to them.

[Melissa Louise]

3 minutes ago, bluemongoose said:

lol. I don't know about breast privilege...but yes, bras are one of the many things sold to women that are not designed well and make us feel badly when really it is not us, it is the bra. And yes, the band to cup ratio is also an issue. Really the whole way bras are sized is all shenanigans...sister sizes etc. 

Doesn't surprise me - yet another item not designed properly for women! Ironic...

[TexasProud]

I don't see how some of you don't wear bras at home. I am pretty big though and normal activity makes mine hurt way too much as they bounce up and down. ( I don't sit still long.) I need a bra so they don't hurt.

[heartlikealion]

We’re all sorta shaming in a way. I’ve never actually told a woman her lack of bra made me uncomfortable but apparently even thinking it makes me a shaming person that needs to get over it/has a hang up. Ok then. 

what about men wearing sweatpants that show a lot haha there are countless references to this. I remember as a young girl attending a free throw contest and I was uncomfortable because this man there tossing is the ball had on very revealing sweatpants. Don’t ask me to explain. While I’d never expect a grown man to necessarily know/think full coverage pants are revealing it’s just one of those things — like c@mel toe. TMI even though everything is covered. 

I won’t approach a woman about her c@mel toe or breasts or a man about his bulge. But I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable for them or around them. 

[iamonlyone]

On 7/16/2022 at 4:28 PM, Pam in CT said:

For literally decades I used to be fine with them -- I mean, I guess I was kinda-sorta picky about which ones I'd wear, but once I had one that fit I never used to chafe at wearing it.  (Never needed an underwire/massive support; and never wore one to sleep, so always had downtime.)

BUT. In my advanced menopausal age, I now get HEAT RASHES between the books and all around the elastic.  Doesn't matter what kind. Cotton is marginally better than anything-other-than-cotton, but even the cotton ones have elastic. So now, no matter WHAT bra I get, I have a chronic rash between the books that never heals; I'm itchy and twitchy by the end of the day and, increasingly, resent every minute I'm wearing one.

 

I wonder if these could help: https://www.eczemacompany.com/remedywear-bra/

I have a family member who had some skin issues who wore the bra and also some of the leggings. The elastic at the waist is fabric covered. They do only offer light support (looser fitting than a sports bra).

[Faith-manor]

Ugh. I had a performance today, and to make the gown work, a strapless bra was needed. It is the best one I have ever purchased, but it still left me with a band of sensitive skin and soreness around.

That's it. I need to find the baggy tunic folk song performance opportunities, and stop this formal classical stuff because the dress code and expectations is just to much for my little chest to handle. And my skin is a gazillion times more sensitive since the wind down to menopause. I didn't even want to greet anyone afterward. All I could think is "get home and take that blasted thing off". I have another performance in August, and will probably need to wear this gown again. I am going to see if I can sew some cups into the top without it hanging funny. If that doesn't work, bandaids or duct tape because I am NOT playing the Appassionata in a bra again.

[SKL]

3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

We’re all sorta shaming in a way. I’ve never actually told a woman her lack of bra made me uncomfortable but apparently even thinking it makes me a shaming person that needs to get over it/has a hang up. Ok then. 

what about men wearing sweatpants that show a lot haha there are countless references to this. I remember as a young girl attending a free throw contest and I was uncomfortable because this man there tossing is the ball had on very revealing sweatpants. Don’t ask me to explain. While I’d never expect a grown man to necessarily know/think full coverage pants are revealing it’s just one of those things — like c@mel toe. TMI even though everything is covered. 

I won’t approach a woman about her c@mel toe or breasts or a man about his bulge. But I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable for them or around them. 

I agree that "modesty shaming" is no better than any other kind.

[Wheres Toto]

9 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

Ugh. I had a performance today, and to make the gown work, a strapless bra was needed. It is the best one I have ever purchased, but it still left me with a band of sensitive skin and soreness around.

That's it. I need to find the baggy tunic folk song performance opportunities, and stop this formal classical stuff because the dress code and expectations is just to much for my little chest to handle. And my skin is a gazillion times more sensitive since the wind down to menopause. I didn't even want to greet anyone afterward. All I could think is "get home and take that blasted thing off". I have another performance in August, and will probably need to wear this gown again. I am going to see if I can sew some cups into the top without it hanging funny. If that doesn't work, bandaids or duct tape because I am NOT playing the Appassionata in a bra again.

My oldest daughter has used the stick-on cups before and says they do work fairly well.   She's even used them to dance in but says if you sweat profusely in them, they could come unstuck.  You need to make sure your skin is completely clean and dry before putting them on.  

[regentrude]

10 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

I am going to see if I can sew some cups into the top without it hanging funny. If that doesn't work, bandaids or duct tape because I am NOT playing the Appassionata in a bra again.

They make "bandaids for nipples". They're called posies and are adhesive; if you don't need the shaping, they can be a good option 

[marbel]

15 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

We’re all sorta shaming in a way. I’ve never actually told a woman her lack of bra made me uncomfortable but apparently even thinking it makes me a shaming person that needs to get over it/has a hang up. Ok then. 

what about men wearing sweatpants that show a lot haha there are countless references to this. I remember as a young girl attending a free throw contest and I was uncomfortable because this man there tossing is the ball had on very revealing sweatpants. Don’t ask me to explain. While I’d never expect a grown man to necessarily know/think full coverage pants are revealing it’s just one of those things — like c@mel toe. TMI even though everything is covered. 

I won’t approach a woman about her c@mel toe or breasts or a man about his bulge. But I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable for them or around them. 

I may have contributed to that in an earlier post (comment about hangups), and I am sorry for that. People are allowed to have opinions. And to feel the way they feel about things. 

 

[Tree Frog]

On 7/17/2022 at 9:21 AM, MEmama said:

Shame, yes, but also we are *constantly* subject to the male gaze. The leering at us starts young, as we all know, and is unavoidable. I’m not ashamed of my body, but I also don’t want anyone feeling that they are entitled to it—and that includes the gross staring that ALL MEN (I’ll say it) do. I can’t even wear a tank top without a bra in my own house without DH staring and giving *that* look. So yeah, sometimes I just want to cover up because otherwise I just feel angry and disgusted. Why can’t they just let us exist in peace! 🤬

I started with a smaller quote, but as I thought about all of your statement, the more I agreed.

I don't like having comments made when I'm sleeping in the nude because I'm hot. I don't like comments about being braless when I'm in my home.

When I was much younger, I was asked "Are you cold or just happy to see me?" I was confused the first time I was asked (I had no idea what he was referring to), but it took me a long time continuing to hear it before I could tell him that was a rude statement. I recently needed to repeat what a rude statement it is. I absolutely hate that question.

[Tree Frog]

When I started to go braless out and about and at home, I had a 17 yo son and 16 yo male exchange student at home. I asked ds if it made him uncomfortable and he said it didn't. I didn't ask the exchange student because he was from a European country that allows topless bathing, so I figured a little bit of shape showing wouldn't matter. I have talked to ds a couple more time when he's home and told him if it makes him uncomfortable to let me know. He always assures me it doesn't, but I try to keep the lines of communication open just in case.

[shawthorne44]

On 7/16/2022 at 2:37 AM, Melissa Louise said:

I like bras, and I also have sleep bras. I am 100% more comfy in a bra than out of a bra. Take one off to shower and that's about it. I know I'm not meant to be pro-bra, but I am. My only bra issue is cost - I can't get a good fitting bra for less than $60. 

I have been known to get out of bed, put a bra on and nothing else.   Walk to the shower, take the bra off and get in the shower.   

Maybe my breasts are unusually heavy, but the feel of gravity pulling on them drives me nuts.  I swear I can feel my skin above them stretching out.    I want my breasts pushed up.   
 

I've even idly toyed with the idea of sewing one for myself.  

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 hour ago, Tree Frog said:

I started with a smaller quote, but as I thought about all of your statement, the more I agreed.

I don't like having comments made when I'm sleeping in the nude because I'm hot. I don't like comments about being braless when I'm in my home.

When I was much younger, I was asked "Are you cold or just happy to see me?" I was confused the first time I was asked (I had no idea what he was referring to), but it took me a long time continuing to hear it before I could tell him that was a rude statement. I recently needed to repeat what a rude statement it is. I absolutely hate that question.

My husband has never leered at me or made those sorts of comments in our entire 30 years of marriage.  And we have a healthy marriage including intimacy.  But I am not an object to him. 

[bluemongoose]

4 hours ago, shawthorne44 said:

I've even idly toyed with the idea of sewing one for myself.  

 

You should. It is not very hard if you know how to sew. 

[Faith-manor]

On this topic, what I have on top are basically small tube socks with a golf ball in the toe because nursing babies was brutal on my chest. 

So I have examined the gown, and I do think I can sew cups into the bodice. The rouching will hopefully lay properly. If not, seriously, those tape posie things are getting used.

Note to self. Maybe chiffon is not the way to go anymore. It isn't an easy fabric to work with to create shape or support, and even lined, the dress is still thin. I love the feel and look, and for summer, especially playing outdoors, it is great. But for fall, since I really just don't want to play in a bra, bengaline may be the way to go. I love taffeta but it tends to rustle too much.

Edited July 19, 2022 by Faith-manor

[Hilltopmom]

My Dd informs me that we want “bralettes”, not bras. Apparently bralettes are soft with no support and removal cups either with wide or thin straps.

I’m a small cup size but big band size so fit is always an issue.

I just want comfy for summer!

[Wheres Toto]

6 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

My husband has never leered at me or made those sorts of comments in our entire 30 years of marriage.  And we have a healthy marriage including intimacy.  But I am not an object to him. 

Mine either.   Dh teases sometimes but certainly not constantly or in a leering way.   I don't ever wear bras at home and could be in a white tshirt or a tank top/camisole top, but he wouldn't comment like that.  He's actually more likely to comment if I'm still wearing a bra after being home for a while because it's so unusual. 

[Kassia]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

On this topic, what I have on top are basically small tube socks with a golf ball in the toe because nursing babies was brutal on my chest. 

 

Yes, me too and I'm really self conscious about that and that's why I make sure I'm covered up when my adult kids are around.  Even with DH I don't wear anything too revealing because I hate the way my chest looks.  I really like tops with shelf bras or I'll wear bralettes as mentioned above rather than a traditional bra. 

 

 

[Clarita]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

So I have examined the gown, and I do think I can sew cups into the bodice. The touching will hopefully lay properly. If not, seriously, those tape posie things are getting used.

I've used double-sided tape to put in the pads or hold them in place because of my shoddy sewing. They make tape that tapes clothing to your skin (you know how people on the red carpet keep their clothes on sometimes). I tape the pad to me and to the dress (works very well on my chiffon dress not as well on jersey knit).

[Faith-manor]

1 minute ago, Kassia said:

Yes, me too and I'm really self conscious about that and that's why I make sure I'm covered up when my adult kids are around.  Even with DH I don't wear anything too revealing because I hate the way my chest looks.  I really like tops with shelf bras or I'll wear bralettes as mentioned above rather than a traditional bra. 

 

 

Around home and with my adult kids, we are all pretty free with this stuff. No one cares. But performances really have a first impressions, make an effort to look just so, element to them. Especially classical. So my tube sock golf balls, shapeless voids of sadness, just don't cut it. The thing that pisses me off about that is this is not one thing men have to even consider. They can look like the human equivalent of Swiss cheese run over by a mack truck with a beer belly hanging out the middle, and so long as this is ensconced in a suit, all is good. A big part of my issue is rooted in pure misogyny, and objectification of women.

[KungFuPanda]

On 7/17/2022 at 5:39 PM, TexasProud said:

I don't see how some of you don't wear bras at home. I am pretty big though and normal activity makes mine hurt way too much as they bounce up and down. ( I don't sit still long.) I need a bra so they don't hurt.

The band squeezing on my rib cage is a much bigger sensation than gravity on my boobs. I can comfortably go braless everywhere, but even with a 20 lb pandemic weight gain I’ve barely eeked my way barely into a B. In the military, I’d sometimes forget my bra and go on full runs without it. (It was crazy early)

On 7/17/2022 at 8:16 PM, heartlikealion said:

We’re all sorta shaming in a way. I’ve never actually told a woman her lack of bra made me uncomfortable but apparently even thinking it makes me a shaming person that needs to get over it/has a hang up. Ok then. 

what about men wearing sweatpants that show a lot haha there are countless references to this. I remember as a young girl attending a free throw contest and I was uncomfortable because this man there tossing is the ball had on very revealing sweatpants. Don’t ask me to explain. While I’d never expect a grown man to necessarily know/think full coverage pants are revealing it’s just one of those things — like c@mel toe. TMI even though everything is covered. 

I won’t approach a woman about her c@mel toe or breasts or a man about his bulge. But I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable for them or around them. 

A bulge is . . . whatever, but a rogue bouncing sausage is hard to unsee even under sweatpants. I once watched an exercise video where the guy didn’t control for this situation and the comments were wild. 

[LifeLovePassion]

On 7/16/2022 at 4:28 PM, Pam in CT said:

For literally decades I used to be fine with them -- I mean, I guess I was kinda-sorta picky about which ones I'd wear, but once I had one that fit I never used to chafe at wearing it.  (Never needed an underwire/massive support; and never wore one to sleep, so always had downtime.)

BUT. In my advanced menopausal age, I now get HEAT RASHES between the books and all around the elastic.  Doesn't matter what kind. Cotton is marginally better than anything-other-than-cotton, but even the cotton ones have elastic. So now, no matter WHAT bra I get, I have a chronic rash between the books that never heals; I'm itchy and twitchy by the end of the day and, increasingly, resent every minute I'm wearing one.

 

Have you tried using a body glide anti chafing stick? I use it when hiking and a lot more in the summer.