Breast Cancer - Help me rethink next year

[knitgrl]

I was just diagnosed this past week with DCIS and microinvasion. I've been told I will need a mastectomy because of the area it covers, plus I don't have that much there for them to work with. Getting an MRI this week so further assessment can be made as to size and so forth.

Usually we school from August to June. Our last day this year will be June 17, and I was planning on doing light math with the kids until we start up again. At this point, I'm not sure when school will start or how long I'll be out of commission. Any suggestions on where I should rethink my expectations, or when life might be something like normal or any helpful comments would be appreciated.

[YaelAldrich]

I'm so sorry to hear this news.  You don't know yet whether there will be chemo or radiation right?  You might have to wait until you have that info.

[Arcadia]

My kids were in 8th and 9th grade when I had my chemo, lumpectomy, radiation therapy. So they could go on autopilot mode.  Budget for exhaustion, brain fog, multiple medical bills to look through when planning your upcoming academic year. I can’t see your children’s age on my phone but my kids did unschool for 4th and 5th grade without issues. 

[mommyoffive]

I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  We are here if you need to vent or get support.  I am sending lots of good thoughts and prayers your way.   I don't have any super helpful experience.  But I think you might have to play it by ear everyday on how you are doing.  

Can your dh help or your oldest? 

Can you outsource classes?  Outschool?

Light school?  Use lots of educational things that kids can do on their own.  Audio books, PBS, documentaries, Ivy Kids, Kiwi Co, lots of library books?  Things like that.  

Do you have family or friends that could come and give support and school for a bit?  Or take them to Coop classes?   

I would probably try to outsource your 12 year old a lot and then the younger ones I would fill with a lot of other learning shows, kits, and what not.  They are young and will be fine.  Maybe you could just keep going until you treatment starts and you are not up to it, and then take your summer break?  Every time I got pg I got so sick that I was out of it for at least 3 months so no school was going on from me at that point.  But my oldest is just fine.  Just finished 10 grade with all A's and in NHS.  It will be ok if you take sometime off.  

[knitgrl]

13 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said:

I'm so sorry to hear this news.  You don't know yet whether there will be chemo or radiation right?  You might have to wait until you have that info.

Right now, my understanding is that chemo will probably not happen, but maybe radiation, depending on what the MRI says.

[knitgrl]

Dd12 could do most of school on her own. I was planning on changing to a math curriculum that has videos with it, so I'm not too worried about her.

I was planning on using a history curriculum for us all to do together (first and last time before dd12 gets into high school), so probably it definitely won't happen the way I envisioned it, at any rate.... Sigh.

[Farrar]

Hugs.

I'd outsource math and possibly English for your 12 yo entirely. That's just my take, but there are tons of great options, especially for math. Just one subject totally off your shoulders. The one that is actually key. Everything else... they're not in high school. What gets done is what gets done. Give yourself and your kids a lot of grace.

[crazyforlatin]

My surgery was also in the summer when Dd was in middle school. We’ve always done some fun outsourcing in the summer. There are options if you feel like they need something to do. We’ve always done some math/English schooling in the summers back in middle school as a buffer in case of unforeseen events during the school year which inevitably happened. But none of this really matters except your health so don’t stress about academics especially in middle school. Kids also worry when the mom has to go through this stage, so if they need to be occupied (like my Dd), then I’m sure there are people here that can find great classes or other options for your kids depending on their interests.

[Arcadia]

13 hours ago, knitgrl said:

. Getting an MRI this week so further assessment can be made as to size and so forth.

If you had a Pfizer/Moderna booster recently, let the MRI technician know so that they would take that into account. My lymph nodes are still swollen from Pfizer.

Also if you would like your own music for the MRI, ask the center if you can bring your own mp3 player. My center doesn’t want to touch our cellphones because of liability issues but they have a collection of music for the MRI room’s computer. 
Since your oldest is 12, if you don’t mind screen time, we had watch crash course videos on history and philosophy on YouTube, and discuss as we watched. We had a large screen TV with internet access so kids just sat with me on my bed.

[Quarter Note]

Big hugs to you, @knitgrl!  I am only a little farther along than you are (I was diagnosed with DCIS in February), and am waiting to start radiation.

You may want to take a quick glance at a thread I started on the General Ed board about this topic:  "Homeschooling through medical interruptions".  Many of the ladies gave some wonderful advice.

My personal advice to you right now is to hold all your plans loosely.  Your kids may work through their own emotions about your cancer by being extra cooperative and give you energy, or by being extra combative and drain you of energy.  (I certainly hope it's the former for you!) There may be a lot of "hurry up and wait" when it comes to scheduling appointments with doctor's offices.  Just don't schedule academic things that you can't flex with later.

Whatever is the most "work" for you (cooking, refereeing kids' fights, etc.), try to get that off your plate for at least a week or two after your surgery.  I know that's easier said than done!  But hopefully you have a wonderful support system that can help out.

[ddcrook]

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. Your recovery time will depend on what kind of reconstruction you choose (if you choose reconstruction.) I second the advice that Arcadia and Quarter Note have given.

Here is a link to the mastectomy articles on breastcancer.org. And here's a link to the surgery section of their community pages. Both of those sites have lots of good information to help you prepare.

 

[TechWife]

Remember it’s okay to send them to school next year so that you can concentrate fully on your health. 

[alisoncooks]

Everyone is different, but we found it helpful to be homeschoolers in the midst of our family health crisis.  DH had cancer 2014-18 (lymphoma) and now again in 2022 (MDS, with a bone marrow transplant scheduled for the end of summer). Public school would’ve been a stressor (outside schedules conflicting with appointments and such). Mine (6 and 8 that first go round) did a lot of “waiting room school”.  Now, as high schoolers, they’re largely independent with outsourced classes — flexible for whatever the day brings.  Flexibility is key. Also, a fair number of chill movie days, with no guilt whatsoever.

Best wishes to you.

[knitgrl]

18 hours ago, Farrar said:

Hugs.

I'd outsource math and possibly English for your 12 yo entirely. That's just my take, but there are tons of great options, especially for math. Just one subject totally off your shoulders. The one that is actually key. Everything else... they're not in high school. What gets done is what gets done. Give yourself and your kids a lot of grace.

Dh can probably stay on top of math for dd12.

We had never considered outsourcing anything until possibly high school, so I'm not sure what I should be looking for in a class. We did a year of Bravewriter for 6th grade, and dd thoroughly enjoyed it. It seems like she might enjoy one of their classes. I'll have to do some poking around to see what folks have to say about them.

[knitgrl]

2 hours ago, TechWife said:

Remember it’s okay to send them to school next year so that you can concentrate fully on your health. 

True, but for dd12 there is no doubt that would add a lot of stress. Probably for ds, as well. I have no worries about our youngest making her way in the world, but I don't think we need to send her there yet. We will just need to re-prioritize. At this point, everyone can read on their own, and our local library is very gracious in allowing us to check out lots of books.

[freesia]

49 minutes ago, knitgrl said:

Dh can probably stay on top of math for dd12.

We had never considered outsourcing anything until possibly high school, so I'm not sure what I should be looking for in a class. We did a year of Bravewriter for 6th grade, and dd thoroughly enjoyed it. It seems like she might enjoy one of their classes. I'll have to do some poking around to see what folks have to say about them.

That sounds like a great idea to have writing off your plate. 
 

For the history, I think I would plan so that dd could be independent if she needed to be  ( like usually you do the spine together, but she could do it alone.). I would have some videos like Liberty’s Kids that would be both educational and keep the kids busy and quiet. I would find something like that for science, too. Not because I think that you have to but bc having something planned that will keep them busy so you can rest would be good. 
 

I  am so sorry. 

[Farrar]

5 hours ago, knitgrl said:

Dh can probably stay on top of math for dd12.

We had never considered outsourcing anything until possibly high school, so I'm not sure what I should be looking for in a class. We did a year of Bravewriter for 6th grade, and dd thoroughly enjoyed it. It seems like she might enjoy one of their classes. I'll have to do some poking around to see what folks have to say about them.

Again, it's just a thought. But I assume your dd is to pre-algebra? Or possibly algebra I next year? There are just so many live math course options and most of them are good. It's literally the only thing you'll want to stay on track with if possible. And she'll be in 8th? She's really almost there to high school anyway.

My Homeschool Math Class
Live Online Math
Mr. D's Math
Aim Academy Math

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Just... to consider so it's not on your dh's shoulders when he will have more fall on him as well. It may not be the right call - sometimes an outside class is more stress. But I would think about it.

[knitgrl]

7 hours ago, Farrar said:

Again, it's just a thought. But I assume your dd is to pre-algebra? Or possibly algebra I next year? There are just so many live math course options and most of them are good. It's literally the only thing you'll want to stay on track with if possible. And she'll be in 8th? She's really almost there to high school anyway.

My Homeschool Math Class
Live Online Math
Mr. D's Math
Aim Academy Math

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Just... to consider so it's not on your dh's shoulders when he will have more fall on him as well. It may not be the right call - sometimes an outside class is more stress. But I would think about it.

Thanks for the list. We're finishing up MEP Year 6 (Thanks to your endorsement I don't know how many years ago.) She is thrilled with the idea of algebra. She understands the broader, overall mathematical concepts, but sometimes her way of solving problems is really convoluted, and she makes more silly mistakes than what I would like to see on a fairly regular basis. I am thinking a year of Pre-Algebra will be good for her in order to solidify computation skills.

[Slache]

Eta: This is from the perspective of someone with a chronic health condition. I'm fine one day and not the next, which seems to be common with cancer patients.

I haven't read other replies. If it were me I would...

English - Outsource (WTMA, Bravewiter, Clearwater Press)

Math - Outsource (WTMA, Derek Owens)

History - Independent (Notgrass, Story of Us)

Science - Independent (Exploration Education, booklist)

Art - Independent (Virtual Instructor)

For music and foreign language I would do bare maintenance on what's already been started, I would not begin anything new. If she's ahead in math and you don't want to outsource I would only do 2 lessons a week to maintain skills. I am looking at being completely hands off, not for the purpose of being hands off, but for the option when necessary.

 

Edited May 31, 2022 by Slache

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I am so sorry for your diagnosis. Sending lots of hugs.

[knitgrl]

Any suggestions for math for ds8 and dd7? I picked up Math Mammoth years ago when there was a good deal on it, so that is a ready option. I'm just asking in case there are other curriculum that might work better. Ds might do better with a page that has less stuff on it. Dd adores workbooks.

[Quarter Note]

@knitgrl, just wanted to let you know that I'm hoping you're doing well.  Please update us if you'd like to talk.  We're rooting for you!

[East Coast Sue]

Keeping you in my prayers for your healing and good health. We’re here for you! 

[Soror]

Thinking of you 🤗

[knitgrl]

I ❤️ this forum! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Actually, my surgery is scheduled for tomorrow at 10am.  The tests they've done didn't offer a lot more information, aside from the bit where I have good genes and don't need a double mastectomy. I won't know if I will need additional treatment for another week or two.

Today, I am getting the kids ready to spend a few nights with the grandparents, and trying to make things convenient for coming home without really knowing what to expect...

[mommyoffive]

Sending lots of good thoughts for your surgery tomorrow.  I will be thinking of you at 10am.  I hope you have an easy recovery. 

[Kassia]

I'll be thinking of you too.  Wishing you all the best.  

[Quarter Note]

@knitgrl, I'll be praying for your surgery, and especially that your pathology report comes back clean.  I hope that you go into surgery knowing that all your forum friends will be wishing the best for you!  Take care for the next several days!

[YaelAldrich]

Take care and let everyone pamper you for at least a week.  It will help your healing and make you feel loved at this uncertain time.  I'll pray for you!

[Guest]

Rooting for you here, from a fellow warrior. 
 

One thing I did not know was a thing is Axillary Web Syndrome. There are important exercises to do to gain back/keep range of motion in your arm(s). I didn’t know about that and had cording in my arm pit on my cancer side. I was able to fix it with exercises someone here gave me a link to. I do still have a slightly hampered RoM on that side, but it is mostly repaired. I’ll try to check back with the link later; I’m not home at the moment. 
 

[knitgrl]

7 minutes ago, Quill said:

Rooting for you here, from a fellow warrior. 
 

One thing I did not know was a thing is Axillary Web Syndrome. There are important exercises to do to gain back/keep range of motion in your arm(s). I didn’t know about that and had cording in my arm pit on my cancer side. I was able to fix it with exercises someone here gave me a link to. I do still have a slightly hampered RoM on that side, but it is mostly repaired. I’ll try to check back with the link later; I’m not home at the moment. 
 

That would be awesome. I was fortunate to see three surgeons for consultations. One of the reasons that I chose the surgeon I did was that she said exercise would be important for recovery, which gives me a little agency for this new thing my body is doing that I have no control over. Also, when I asked about what it looks like so that I could sort of mentally prepare for it, she flat out said it won't be pretty. The others said it depends on a number of different variables, blah, blah, blah. I would much rather deal with the truth than some sugar-coated, soft-pedalled, hedge-betting nonsense that sounds good in the short term.

[Arcadia]

@Quarter Note

scar massage https://myhealth.alberta.ca/breast-cancer-surgery/at-home/scar-massage

Axillary Web Syndrome Exercise Program https://healthsystem.osumc.edu/pteduc/docs/AxillaryWebSyndromeExercises.pdf

[GoVanGogh]

I am so sorry. 
One of my best friends was diagnosed with breast cancer when our children were younger. She just celebrated ten years remission. 
Just two small thoughts - I offered to drive her children to outside activities and she accepted. Her children were able to continue with outside classes, so they had that bit of normalcy during her surgeries and treatments. I was very happy to be able to help in that way. If you have someone that can do that, please accept if they offer to help. It was never ever a burden to me. And don’t be afraid to ask for help! The other thought - I was actually going through a horrible medical situation with my son at the same time she was having treatments. We got together about twice a month for a “vent session.” Stupid things people said to us. Stupid insurance stuff we were dealing with. Whatever. We would get together and just unload. We would cry together and laugh together. It was a safe place that would could both just unleash. Ten years later, we both still talk about how nice it was to have that sounding board where we didn’t feel like we needed to try and solve each other’s problems, we knew we could share whatever and not be judged. It was so therapeutic! That said, though, we have also both said that a cancer diagnosis should automatically come with a free therapist. Don’t be afraid to seek counseling for yourself and your family. Best wishes and hugs. 

[ddcrook]

I'm so glad that your surgery is here.  At this time tomorrow you'll be able to say, "I don't have cancer!" Wishing you all the best and hoping for a smooth surgery and speedy recovery. Be sure to keep us posted if you have complications or need any further treatments. Between the several bc survivors on this board, I'm sure at least one of us has experienced anything that may arise. 

Sending my best wishes!

[Kanin]

Sending good vibes your way! Hope everything goes smoothly. 

[NewnameC]

Praying for peace as you await surgery and praying for a successful surgery with results that mean no further treatment is needed.

[J-rap]

Very best wishes to you for a smooth recovery!

We had an extreme situation where we had to be away from home for a year during a crisis and I wasn't able to be very hands-on at all.  My youngest two were older than yours, 14 and 15.  I focused on math and after that, assigned projects that they did pretty independently but required writing and creativity, plus lots of fun reading and educational videos.

It was easy for them to catch up with other subjects after that year, but I'm glad they'd at least kept up with math.

 

 

[Quarter Note]

@knitgrl, just a very quick note to say that I've been thinking about you all day.  When you are ready, please let us know how you are doing.  However your surgery went, we care and want to support you!

[Quarter Note]

On 7/4/2022 at 1:23 PM, Arcadia said:

@Quarter Note

scar massage https://myhealth.alberta.ca/breast-cancer-surgery/at-home/scar-massage

Axillary Web Syndrome Exercise Program https://healthsystem.osumc.edu/pteduc/docs/AxillaryWebSyndromeExercises.pdf

Arcadia, thank you for this!  This is really helpful!

[knitgrl]

Just got home not too long ago. The surgeon is happy with how things went. I'm tired and sore, but that's to be expected. My oldest came home on Monday and is making dinner tonight, and a friend set up a Meal Train, so I don't have to think about dinner at all this week.

Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers! I am crossing my fingers that the mastectomy will be the end of it, but I won't know until the 18th.

Edited July 7, 2022 by knitgrl

[Kassia]

3 minutes ago, knitgrl said:

Just got home not too long ago. The surgeon is happy with how things went. I'm tired and sore, but that's to be expected. My oldest came home on Monday and is making dinner tonight, and a friend set up a Meal Train, so I don't have to think dinner at all this week.

Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers! I am crossing my fingers that the mastectomy will be the end of it, but I won't know until the 18th.

Glad it's over and you can rest at home and recover.  Thinking of you.  

[mommyoffive]

Great update.   I am glad it went so well.  I am wishing you an easy recovery and that the surgeon is right.  How sweet that your oldest is home and taking care of you.   

[Quarter Note]

On 7/6/2022 at 12:25 PM, knitgrl said:

The surgeon is happy with how things went.

This is the best news, knitgrl!  So glad your being well taken care of.  I hope that every day you're feeling a little better.

[knitgrl]

Today's good news is, the drain is out and I am no longer bound up tighter than a 1920's flapper.👍 The incision looks good. I am behaving myself and not doing too much. But -- they are short on pathologists, and I still don't know if I am going to need further treatment, and thus, still in planning limbo. 😕

[Jenny in Florida]

Just a note from someone who has been through surgery and treatment:

I was not able to help with your initial question about homeschool planning, since my breast cancer didn't make itself known until long after my kids had moved out. But I do want to let you know I'm thinking of you and reading along for updates. And if you have any questions or concerns at this point, I'm happy to share my experiences.

[knitgrl]

After a month, finally got the pathology results. They are not so great. It covered a larger area than what the MRI indicated. It's aggressive. And was found in my lymph nodes. The surgeon is having a consult with a bunch of other doctors next week to determine if additional surgery is a good idea. At any rate, it looks like there is indeed radiation and chemo in my future. It will be another month, though, until I have a full picture of what will happen. More tests will need to be run, and two more dr. appointments, the second of which is on Aug. 31. So much waiting.

[ikslo]

(((knitgrl)))

[ddcrook]

Hugs! I'm sorry to hear this. Your story is very similar to mine. Please feel free to pm me if you want. 

[YaelAldrich]

I'm so so sorry to hear that news. I hope the team of doctors will be able to put together a plan for you that is aggressive but allows you to get some stuff done. Please ask your friends and family to support you. I know it helped my sister so much. Gentle hugs. 

[Kassia]

((( @knitgrl  )))   and  ((( @ddcrook  )))