Medication for Psychological Problems

[Lillyfee]

First I want to say that I know that some people with anxiety/depression/ADHD and other conditions need medication. I also know that they can fix chemical imbalance in the brain and I do not want to offend anybody that takes medication. I am very glad that it helps a lot of people.

However, I am about to get our son evaluated for ADHD and I am pretty sure he has some form of it. He is a sweet and wonderful child but his attention span is just extremely short.

Now I am worried that they recommend meds. I am very scared of any meds that change anything in the brain and really want to avoid that route. I still want to inform me though.

The reason why I am so careful has something to do with my own experience. I am a very anxious person. I always have been but I am always happy and could handle it well. After a miscarriage my anxiety went through the roof and I got panic attacks. The doctor recommended antidepressants.  I am not someone that takes any meds usually but I was really not able to function and I thought I try it out. First med (Zoloft) knocked me out completely. I felt sick and didn't really know where I was anymore. We stopped it. Second med was Lexapro at a very low dose. After a week I had suicidal thoughts that felt like not coming from myself and wouldn't leave me alone. Scared me really bad as I never in my life experienced any thoughts like that. I stopped all these meds ans my anxiety was horrible for a couple of weeks/months but at least I was myself. It went away on it's own after a long time. I am still anxious sometimes but I am my happy self.

Now, giving any meds that changes brain chemistry to my child is something I am so against and scared of.

Also I feel like almost all my son's friends and also other kids around us are on some kind of medication because they did bad at school or could not sit still and I can't help but asking myself if really every second child needs meds at a young age to be able to function properly. 

I know that is a difficult topic and please do not feel attacked if you take meds as I know they can save lives and that we can be grateful that they exist.

I really wonder when would be a point that you would be open for meds for your kids. I feel we do not have any problems and my son is a happy, social child but I wonder what will happen if he can't sit still in school long enough (he was homeschooled the last two years but will be back in school the coming school year) and I am worried that they want to push meds on us.

[TexasProud]

Yes, my middle son calls Lexapro a drug from the devil as it made both me and my oldest son suicidal.  I HATE that drug. I understand it helps some people, but people just starting it need to be VERY VERY careful. And they need to be monitored. I hate people that are like, yeah take it , it will help you, better than nothing. NOPE. Me, the way I am is SO SO SO much better than on that horrible drug.

[Lillyfee]

I call it that too as it was the weirdest thing. I am never going to touch any medication like that ever again.

I talked with some moms whose kids get meds (mostly ADHD meds) and it just seems so strange sometimes. One told me her son (12)  gets meds because his grades are so bad. I asked if the grades are better now and she said "No". 

Another mom told me that her son (8) just had a hard time sitting still and now as he gets meds it is a little better and easier for the teachers now.

My neighbor said that they put their son (10) on meds because he got angry easy and with the meds it is better and as soon as they stop the meds  he cries a lot and gets angry easier again.

One girl (12) gets anxiety meds as her heart sometimes beats really fast and she asked if that is normal but then the mom told her that she has panic attacks.

I am just very confused by the reasons and it seems meds are just used very very quickly. Of course, they just tell me what they want to tell and maybe it was worse. 

I feel like there were always kids that got in trouble more or had bad grades and maybe that is just normal that some kids have a harder time with school than others. 

I feel I sound judgemental writing this and I don't want to be but I just think about this stuff a lot right now and when there would be a point that meds are necessary. 

[Terabith]

I would be dead without antidepressants.  I’m all likelihood, my oldest kid would be, too.  My youngest kid was completely nonfunctional before antidepressants for anxiety.  She had just turned five.  
 

I get being anxious. But I also think it can vary somewhere between cruel and neglect to deny a kid access to needed meds. 

[QueenCat]

First, ADHD is a psychiatric issue, not a psychological one. There is a wide range of how it impacts people. Some people NEED meds to function, others can learn strategies to overcome. Ultimately, your son's doctor is the expert on this and will be able to help guide  you.

[historically accurate]

30 minutes ago, Lillyfee said:

I call it that too as it was the weirdest thing. I am never going to touch any medication like that ever again.

I talked with some moms whose kids get meds (mostly ADHD meds) and it just seems so strange sometimes. One told me her son (12)  gets meds because his grades are so bad. I asked if the grades are better now and she said "No". 

Another mom told me that her son (8) just had a hard time sitting still and now as he gets meds it is a little better and easier for the teachers now.

My neighbor said that they put their son (10) on meds because he got angry easy and with the meds it is better and as soon as they stop the meds  he cries a lot and gets angry easier again.

One girl (12) gets anxiety meds as her heart sometimes beats really fast and she asked if that is normal but then the mom told her that she has panic attacks.

I am just very confused by the reasons and it seems meds are just used very very quickly. Of course, they just tell me what they want to tell and maybe it was worse. 

I feel like there were always kids that got in trouble more or had bad grades and maybe that is just normal that some kids have a harder time with school than others. 

I feel I sound judgemental writing this and I don't want to be but I just think about this stuff a lot right now and when there would be a point that meds are necessary. 

Gently, if this is the reasoning/perspective you're coming from, your friends aren't going to tell you how bad it was prior to meds. No one WANTS to have a kid who needs drugs to function, and often not function even half as well as other kids. No one needs that kind of pity/judgement. I have 2 on meds and a 3rd we're contemplating them for. Trust me when I say it was bad in this house, like nothing I ever thought I'd have to live through. No one besides therapists and the people who lived in the house at the time know how dreadful/scary/horrifying/traumatizing it was (honestly, how bad it still sometimes is), not even my own mother knows half of what happened. If you looked at my kids today, you'd never guess some of the things we've been through. You might even think I have overmedicated my children. 

[Lillyfee]

Look, that is exactly what I am not. I don't come from "there". I was honestly interested why they get meds because we have the attention issue. And I wanted to know if it got much better with meds.

Yes, because of my experience I am very anxious and I am worried that I would be so against meds that I miss the point where it could honestly help him.

I just want to hear all sides and experiences.

 

 

Edited May 11, 2022 by Lillyfee

[scbusf]

Agreeing with @Terabith, @historically accurate, and @QueenCat. 

I have taken Zoloft for many years and I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn't taken it.

My kids have been through some seriously major issues and meds have saved us - lives and relationships. I can't fully express the things we have dealt with here.

There are lots of meds out there and people react differently to different ones. 

[historically accurate]

52 minutes ago, Lillyfee said:

Look, that is exactly what I am not. I don't come from "there". I was honestly interested why they get meds because we have the attention issue. And I wanted to know if it got much better with meds.

Yes, because of my experience I am very anxious and I am worried that I would be so against meds that I miss the point where it could honestly help him.

I just want to hear all sides and experiences.

 

 

Well, there is unfortunately very little you can do to know ahead of time how someone will react. There is genetic testing, but ime, it doesn't really do anything (and I don't know if it is available for ADHD medications). One DD reacted very well to one med that when we did the testing later came back as red/no-go. Be honest with the doctor about your experience - they will take your reactions to drugs into account when prescribing (they took sister's reactions when we did drugs for kid #2). There are lots of options; unfortunately, it can be a trial finding the one that works.

I have one on ADHD drugs; it does not work as much as I was hoping, but she feels more in control, so I call it a win. But, no, it didn't help grades, remembering to use the calendar, etc. It's a work in progress to get the coping mechanisms in place, but the drugs got us to the place to start to work on the coping mechanisms. Whereas before, we couldn't even start to work on executive function skills because she would've spaced out long before I reminded her to "write it down". 

Edited May 11, 2022 by historically accurate

[Idalou]

54 minutes ago, Lillyfee said:

Look, that is exactly what I am not. I don't come from "there". I was honestly interested why they get meds because we have the attention issue. And I wanted to know if it got much better with meds.

Yes, because of my experience I am very anxious and I am worried that I would be so against meds that I miss the point where it could honestly help him.

I just want to hear all sides and experiences.

 

 

I understand. And while someone said that no parent wants their child to need drugs to function, I can assert that many parents will hear a teacher say they think their kids need Ritalin and will then immediately ask the doctor for them. I have co-lead classrooms where half the boys were on ADHD meds, and it was not always a positive for those little kids.

I would wait to see how your child functions in a school setting, and be prepared to see how well-thought the school's decision is should they recommend medication, and then be prepared to find a medical professionals who will listen to your concerns.

 Thete is a big difference between drugs for attention deficits and depression or anti-psychotics. Do not let stories of others who swear by them or swear about them over ride the needs and health of your own son.

[sbgrace]

When my son got to the right dose of Ritalin he said "mom, I feel so calm inside!" He had noticeably better ability to pay attention and control impulses. It wasn't just school--he was able to sit and read a novel! For him ADHD has social impacts as well.

I do think there are degrees of impact and severity of ADHD.

If your son gets in school and struggles due to ADHD, do be aware that ADHD meds do not have the same risk profile as the SSRI's that you had issues with. They clear the body really quickly. If you do want to try medications for it, just to see, I strongly suggest you start with short acting forms. They will be in and out in a few hours. I don't think doctors will push medications if you are not wanting them. 

Edited May 11, 2022 by sbgrace

[sbgrace]

1 minute ago, sbgrace said:

 

 

Edited May 11, 2022 by sbgrace
oops

[Soror]

1 minute ago, sbgrace said:

When my son got to the right dose of Ritalin he said "mom, I feel so calm inside!" He had noticeably better ability to pay attention and control impulses. It wasn't just school--he was able to sit and read a novel! I do think there are degrees of impact and severity of ADHD. ADHD meds do not have the same risk profile as the SSRI's that you had issues with. They clear the body really quickly. If you do want to try medications for it, just to see, I strongly suggest you start with short acting forms. They will be in and out in a few hours. 

This. The severity of ADHD can vary wildly. Ds was able to function at home with modifications and scaffolding. Once he went to school at 14 he started ADHD meds. We started with Ritalin because it has such a long track record and clears quickly. That worked fine for a couple of years and then it didn't. Then there were lots of dosage and medication changes to find something that would work and help him with school. What pulled me over to the side that medicating was an ok thing to try was reading the stories of kids helped my meds. For some kids without meds they just constantly feel like a failure. Why can't they do things other kids can do? And too many parents/teachers perpetuate that-- -why can't you focus?--- why can't you sit still? Kids don't want to fail. They don't want to be a disappointment.

re: depression/anxiety-- there is a wide range of severity of these too--- I have had loved ones struggling enough they went on medication and counseling. When it is bad enough there is no choice. I've had some struggles myself, but have been able to do enough lifestyle changes to function, what I've been through is not the same. For many that is not possible and there is no living without meds and other things. We were very attuned to side effects of meds and kept a close eye there. 

[itsheresomewhere]

We did the genetic testing for drugs for depression along with my niece.  For us, it was well worth it.  It showed a large class of drugs we can never take.  Poor niece had been on one and had horrible issues.  DD takes a medication for adhd that also has been known to work with anxiety. For her, she starting taking it and goes “ My brain is no longer racing and I can think/sleep better”.  Without her medication for depression, she is not living just here. 

Edited May 11, 2022 by itsheresomewhere

[EKS]

2 hours ago, Lillyfee said:

Now I am worried that they recommend meds.

Just because someone recommends meds doesn't mean that you have to accept them.

That said, the great thing about stimulant medication for ADHD is that it is short acting (if you don't get the extended release version).  You can do a trial of just one short acting dose in the morning for several days to see if it helps.  For our son, the difference was profound, but the side effects made it not worth it in a homeschooling environment.

Note that ADHD meds don't solve everything.  If you don't couple meds with other things, like intensive remediation or executive function training, they won't help much with schoolwork.

[TexasProud]

2 hours ago, Lillyfee said:

I call it that too as it was the weirdest thing. I am never going to touch any medication like that ever again.

 

 

Now, let me just offer this. If you can get genetic testing, that would help. It showed that Lexapro was the absolute worst thing I could be on: bad effects magnified and no good effects. Sounds like it was similar for you.  Prestiq worked much better. I was on it for about a year and then didn't need it anymore. Honestly, getting a job outside the home was so much better than either meds or therapy.  HOWEVER, for my oldest he NEEDS the Prestiq.  He is still on it and still seeing a counselor and a psych regularly. So there is no shame or bad part in using meds.  My issue is that my primary care doc just said here and had NO follow up whatsoever with the Lexapro. None. 

So for your son, see what the doctor said. Some people need meds to function and some do not. If you choose the meds, then just monitor carefully.

[historically accurate]

54 minutes ago, Idalou said:

I understand. And while someone said that no parent wants their child to need drugs to function, I can assert that many parents will hear a teacher say they think their kids need Ritalin and will then immediately ask the doctor for them. I have co-lead classrooms where half the boys were on ADHD meds, and it was not always a positive for those little kids.

I would wait to see how your child functions in a school setting, and be prepared to see how well-thought the school's decision is should they recommend medication, and then be prepared to find a medical professionals who will listen to your concerns.

 Thete is a big difference between drugs for attention deficits and depression or anti-psychotics. Do not let stories of others who swear by them or swear about them over ride the needs and health of your own son.

This is why I rarely discuss my kids' struggles in real life situations. If a teacher (supposed to be a child learning specialist) says kid needs Ritalin, and the parents go, "oh, he doesn't seem happy at school and his grades aren't what I think they should be, and I've seen him do x, y, z and say x, y, z" and take them to a doctor (supposed to be a medication/disease specialist) and doctor concurs and prescribes ADHD drugs, parent is seen as running immediately to medicate their child. It ignores any options that the parent has already tried (and didn't discuss with anyone) or if the doctor said, "Yeah, that's a case that can't be fixed any other way." because parents don't talk about it other than, "Yeah, he has ADHD. He takes X." Can't we trust parents a little more than that? For some reason, not when it comes to meds that affect the brain. 

Edited May 11, 2022 by historically accurate

[Dmmetler]

I am in this process right now with C. When we sat down with the school for his IEP, and they started outlining what they’d seen and what they tried, everything they said hit home, because it was exactly the kinds of modifications I’d made in a homeschool setting. And the fact is, it took me AND his mom to keep him anywhere close to on target. Last year, when he was doing school online (and had mom, but not me), he fell apart. This year, in a classroom setting, he’s simply “in outer space” about 90% of the time, and a classroom teacher with 25 students can’t redirect and work with one intensively enough to keep that focus, nor can she be his frontal cortex. Honestly, I hadn’t realized just how much EF accommodation I was doing, maybe because L had gone from homeschooling to taking college classes to taking college classes and living on campus without a hiccup, and S had generally transitioned to adult life without issue, so I erroneously thought I was teaching EF skills. Nope. It was obvious when both M and C didn’t have that support that they couldn’t manage it, and while M floundered for a bit, but caught up, C…not so much. 
 

I am still trying to get him in with someone who isn’t just the local pediatrician who has a reputation for happily giving ADHD meds, but I do think that we want to try to find something that might help before he goes back to school in the fall,  because the poor kid doesn’t need another school year like this one, and even if I were to quit my job and homeschool full time again, it still wouldn’t help long term. He needs to develop those EF skills so he can eventually transition to adulthood, and it is looking strongly like it will take medication to get him to the point that he can do so. 

[QueenCat]

If your child does need the med, it will help him. Just like insulin helps diabetics. I go back to, "your doctor is your best resource." I highly recommend a pediatric psychiatrist or neurologist for this, though, not just the regular pediatrician. 

[gardenmom5]

If you want to try things that MIGHT help - that don't involve Rx or sups . . . somethings that MIGHT help:

vagus nerve stimulation.  There are ways of resetting the vagus nerve or stimulating it.  It is the largest and most important nerve in the body.   Dudelings ND has him use this one:  'vagus.net.   it's up to 15 minutes up to 2x per day. only use an electrical vagus nerve stimulator on the left side.  The right side vagus nerve goes past the heart.    Some of the research that has come out is fascinating.  a lot of references to  Dr. Stephen Porges' work 

bilateral exercise.  It's not a quick fix, but it can be helpful.  i really think 2dd benefited from 3 years of gymnastics.  right arm/left leg - left arm/right leg.  A vigorous sport where they all must work in synchronization.  Yoga, swimming, biking, horseback riding, etc.

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, historically accurate said:

If you looked at my kids today, you'd never guess some of the things we've been through. You might even think I have overmedicated my children. 

Same here.

OP, we had some of the same concerns you do, minus serious issues with SSRIs. We dragged our feet and tried a lot of things before trying meds. After we tried meds, we felt like we'd robbed our kid of a couple of years of a good tool--they made that much of a difference. And yes, it took a couple of meds/dosages to get the right one, but it wasn't a long time finding it. (That said, my one kid has significant issues with certain brands of generics, but it was obvious when it happened and did no permanent harm--we knew within a day or two that something was up.)

One of my kids was a safety risk, but because other kids we knew were worse that way, we were on the fence (he didn't run into traffic, climb on things, and such, but he was very impulsive). After meds, we felt terrible that we'd waited so long to try them. It was astonishing. My son literally had no sense of inhibition without meds. He was self-aware in some ways, but he didn't feel a sense of inhibition. In fact, he mentioned that he couldn't sing as well after getting on ADHD meds, which was obviously not true. Thankfully his various therapists (social skills, occupational therapy) recognized, and we recognized, that this demonstrated that he was experiencing the idea of "people are watching me" for the first time ever, and they explained this to him. They talked about how some people drink alcohol to make that feeling go away, but that the feeling itself was healthy, normal, etc. 

I don't know if you've looked into stats about substance abuse later in the life and people with ADHD, but meds reduces the risk of future substance abuse from what I understand.

1 hour ago, Idalou said:

 Thete is a big difference between drugs for attention deficits and depression or anti-psychotics. Do not let stories of others who swear by them or swear about them over ride the needs and health of your own son.

This.

1 hour ago, EKS said:

Note that ADHD meds don't solve everything.  If you don't couple meds with other things, like intensive remediation or executive function training, they won't help much with schoolwork.

I agree, but I will note that it depends on what is causing the academic issues.

Tale of two children (both are mine)...one is still spacey at times even with ADHD meds. He also has dyslexia and some other issues. Meds do help, but there is plenty of other difficulty left to make school seem like a thankless task. Additionally, his personality is such that he is more imaginative and likes to keep his options open. The other child (the impulsive one), actually has a LOT of excellent EF skills and gravitates toward behaviors that create stability and consistency (that said, he had to be introduced to those, but they felt good to him even before meds--he craves stability, routine, etc.). His learning issues are less global and more task-specific. For him, meds are a HUGE help academically all on their own because his attention and impulsivity were literally dragging him in the opposite direction of what made him feel stable and capable.

5 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

so I erroneously thought I was teaching EF skills. Nope.

I love that you said this; kids with exceptionalities can utterly destroy any illusion that "normal" parenting is sufficient, lol! I know you're good at teaching and scaffolding, so this makes me feel normal and seen, lol!!! 

[kbutton]

3 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

bilateral exercise.  It's not a quick fix, but it can be helpful.  i really think 2dd benefited from 3 years of gymnastics.  right arm/left leg - left arm/right leg.  A vigorous sport where they all must work in synchronization.  Yoga, swimming, biking, horseback riding, etc.

I would put this kind of thing in the category of helpful if there is something causing or worsening ADHD-like behavior, such as retained primitive reflexes. My son did bilateral body work for vision therapy. It was life-changing. It did nothing for his ADHD, lol!!!

But definitely take care of reflexes, sensory issues, etc. as well as the ADHD--in some people, they are more closely tied together. 

[gardenmom5]

I have three diagnosed with both ASD and ADD.  Two also have CAPD.  (one actually shocked me when I found out - it never crossed my mind, or even most of the drs she'd seen over the years.)  Two adults are medicated. both have said it was a game changer for them and a huge difference in how they function.  ds said when he first started taking it - he'd sleep.  His dr told him that was a sign he NEEDED it.  someone without ADD - would have been unable to sleep after taking it.
I also likely have ASD and ADD as well.

oh - somatic therapy.  1dd swears by it.  She'd made huge gains doing it before she was ever medicated, and meds still increased her function.

[EKS]

4 minutes ago, kbutton said:

kids with exceptionalities can utterly destroy any illusion that "normal" parenting is sufficient, lol!

Ha!  Yes!

[gardenmom5]

1 minute ago, kbutton said:

I would put this kind of thing in the category of helpful if there is something causing or worsening ADHD-like behavior, such as retained primitive reflexes. My son did bilateral body work for vision therapy. It was life-changing. It did nothing for his ADHD, lol!!!

But definitely take care of reflexes, sensory issues, etc. as well as the ADHD--in some people, they are more closely tied together. 

Yeah - like I said "MIGHT" help.   and things can be helpful - but still aren't helpful *enough*.

Nothing has been "enough" for dudeling.  the SSRI (there's a reason there are warnings when giving them to teenagers.) we tried was a disaster and I refuse to try another one.  Not willing to risk it.   

[Lecka]

We got my son evaluated for ADHD and he didn’t have it.  Instead some learning issues and some anxiety.  
 

My husband worried and worried about the medication.  (Edit:  which ended up being a non-issue.)

 

Fast forward 10 years and now my husband takes Lexapro and thinks it is sad his parents are so anti-medication.  

Edit:  I’m going to add that you do not have to do medication after an evaluation.  It can be on your time table.  You can try other strategies first.  You can digest the information.  
 

It’s not something where you will “have to” or “need to” do it.  
 

If you want to put off thinking about it until after you take first steps — that is completely fine.  

Edited May 11, 2022 by Lecka

[SKL]

I agree this is a difficult decision.  I had people trying to get me to diagnose my kids ADHD and medicate them.  At the same time, I had other people who worked with them and said poppycock.

In my own exeperience with one of my kids, at age 6, I made an appointment with a developmental pediatrician.  Before we even arrived at her office the first time, she had already labeled my kid ADHD (printed on her file).  She was ready to go to the next step.  I wasn't.  My kid is now 15 and has been relatively successful with school ... even compared to her friends who've been on meds since primary school.  I will say that it has been necessary to keep her pretty active.

Many if not most of my kids' friends are on meds.  Each of the parents/guardians say things were super bad and they didn't want meds and it was a last resort.  It seems there is something wrong outside of the kids' biology if that many kids really can't function the way God made them.  That's not to say that all kid medication is wrong.

In other news, my eldest started taking OCD meds this year.  She did try other things first, and maybe she didn't give the therapy a fair chance, but she's 15 and ready to start deciding certain health things for herself.  Her psychiatrist seems very grounded and did not push drugs at first.  I'd rather nobody needed meds, but sometimes the alternative is not worth it.  My kids also take various OTC things that are supposed to improve mood / brain function.  Who knows?  Life is complex.

[Lecka]

I do not know if you have investigated ADHD very much yet, but there really are things to try that aren’t medicine.

It’s really okay to wait on medicine.

That is not where I am right now personally, but everyone has different experiences and different thoughts and that is okay.

I think ADHD gets presented as this very simplistic thing where it’s about just giving medication, but there is more to it than that.

I also think some people have such a good response to the medication that they may not talk about or focus on other things.  

Like — there are people on here who will say they only do 15 minutes of school a day but don’t include hours and hours of educational activities that they are doing together with their kids.  Or that their kids are doing.  That is just lifestyle to them and goes unmentioned.  I am not like that, lol.  
 

There are things people do as a matter of course that to me I would say “oh you are doing that organizational strategy, that is good to  do.”

 

 

[Lillyfee]

I heard that a lot too that people regret not to take meds earlier. 

I know one mom and all her kids are on meds. We are good friends and her kids are at my house all the time. The mom had  depression the first 37 years of her life and when she finally got meds her life turned around and she started living for the first time instead of suffering. Now she says herself that she was really quick with getting her kids to the doctor and give them all the help.

However, it just feels weird that so many kids are on medication especially boys.

My boy is completely different than my girls but I really do not have that many issues with him at home. However, I took him out of schon as he did not pay any attention and did not learn anything. I also think the teacher and him were the worst match ever as she kept punishing him by taking recess away and making him sit alone in the corner while he needed recess and social interaction so badly. We did not have that issue the year before with a teacher that seemed to get him.

I am so nervous sending him back but he wants to go and I feel he needs a native speaker in the higher grades.

[EKS]

1 hour ago, Lillyfee said:

I am so nervous sending him back but he wants to go and I feel he needs a native speaker in the higher grades.

If he is going to be entering school, I'd definitely get him evaluated.  This will give him the paper trail he needs to get accommodations at the school.  But as I said above, you don't have to medicate him even if he is diagnosed with ADHD.

[Tanaqui]

Quote

However, it just feels weird that so many kids are on medication especially boys.

Google suggest that perhaps 5% of American children receive medication for ADHD. That's 1 out of 20 - so maybe one or two in every average elementary school classroom.

If you think that all your kid's friends (or your friends' kids) are on medication, this suggests a few possibilities:

1. You are in an area where a statistically disproportionate number of children take medication for ADHD. That might suggests that there is more ADHD where you are, or that ADHD is being overdiagnosed where you are, or that other treatment options and accommodations are not as readily available where you are.

2. Your perception is mistaken.

3. Either you or your child, or both, primarily socialize with people who show ADHD traits. That would suggest that you or your child, or both, are neurodivergent. This is a pretty common pattern for people with ADHD, just as it is for autistics.

Children with ADHD should absolutely not miss recess for any reason. Actually, no child should, but it's even more important for some children. If your child were diagnosed, you absolutely could require that rule to be placed in an IEP. They could not in turn require you to medicate.

Edited May 11, 2022 by Tanaqui

[Lillyfee]

I was seriously thinking about it that my son loves kids with ADHD. 

I am not aware that any friends of the girls take meds but I thought it is because they are girls. 

From my son's closest friends 5 take meds and only 2 don't. Also from his other friends I don't know that well some told me they are on meds. So for me it seemed that almost all boys need medication. 

[Lillyfee]

The school told me not to worry and just see how he does in a school enviroment.

I was so nervous. I called the Middle School counselor and asked him to get him in the class of the teacher with the most patience and that they should please tell me if stuff is going wrong and not putting him in a corner. I told them I rather pull him out again before he will be treated that way again.

The counselor was very sweet and told me to relax and they have lots of challenging kids and they are looking forward to having him. 

We are working on getting am evaluation appointment but it seems that this won't happen before school starts.

 

[Lecka]

Keep in mind people with ADHD are very over-represented in the Army.  It’s a known thing.  
 

Edit:  And Fort Riley is an Infantry base.  

Edited May 11, 2022 by Lecka

[Terabith]

8 minutes ago, Lillyfee said:

The school told me not to worry and just see how he does in a school enviroment.

I was so nervous. I called the Middle School counselor and asked him to get him in the class of the teacher with the most patience and that they should please tell me if stuff is going wrong and not putting him in a corner. I told them I rather pull him out again before he will be treated that way again.

The counselor was very sweet and told me to relax and they have lots of challenging kids and they are looking forward to having him. 

We are working on getting am evaluation appointment but it seems that this won't happen before school starts.

 

Remember also that in middle school, your student won't have one teacher but a bunch of teachers for different classes.  

[goldberry]

The reason I was open to meds for my daughter's ADD was because of seeing how life-long, untreated ADD affected my husband's self-esteem and confidence.  He really believed he was "stupid" when he was in school.  He really believed he was "slow" and "couldn't pick things up very well".    The longer we were married, the more I was able to see that he was not in any way stupid, or slow.  But his ADD made him feel that way all through school, subjected him to bullying and demeaning, both from kids and teachers.   He knew he was trying as hard as he could, but JUST COULDN'T function the way he wanted to and was expected of him.  This literally affected him for YEARS into his adult life.  It affected what things he was willing to attempt or try, and kept him from pursuing things he wanted because he didn't think he had the skills to attain them.  I was NOT going to let that happen to my daughter.

ADD meds are not a cure-all, and still need to be accompanied by behavioral modifications.  I do believe sometimes that part gets neglected.  Also, yes, psych meds are very touchy and need to be monitored carefully to make sure they are having the right effects.  Sometimes it take quite awhile to get the right combinations and that is an exhausting and sometimes discouraging process.  But with family support to give you feedback and a doctor willing to listen to feedback, if the right combo/dosage is eventually found, it can be life changing.

[Idalou]

4 hours ago, historically accurate said:

This is why I rarely discuss my kids' struggles in real life situations. If a teacher (supposed to be a child learning specialist) says kid needs Ritalin, and the parents go, "oh, he doesn't seem happy at school and his grades aren't what I think they should be, and I've seen him do x, y, z and say x, y, z" and take them to a doctor (supposed to be a medication/disease specialist) and doctor concurs and prescribes ADHD drugs, parent is seen as running immediately to medicate their child. It ignores any options that the parent has already tried (and didn't discuss with anyone) or if the doctor said, "Yeah, that's a case that can't be fixed any other way." because parents don't talk about it other than, "Yeah, he has ADHD. He takes X." Can't we trust parents a little more than that? For some reason, not when it comes to meds that affect the brain. 

Yeah, I'm not going to get in a debate with you about parents. I'm sure it happens the way you say, and I have seen it happen the way I explained in the two decades I was in a public and private school environment. 

[goldberry]

43 minutes ago, Lillyfee said:

I was seriously thinking about it that my son loves kids with ADHD. 

I am not aware that any friends of the girls take meds but I thought it is because they are girls. 

From my son's closest friends 5 take meds and only 2 don't. Also from his other friends I don't know that well some told me they are on meds. So for me it seemed that almost all boys need medication. 

ADD girls are underdiagnosed because it often presents differently.  DD was not diagnosed until middle school.  She is ADD without hyperactivity, which is more common in girls.  Often hyperactivity in girls presents as excessive talking rather than the typical boy behaviors.

[Lillyfee]

I seriously think I have that too. I could never sit still and my parents could not even take me anywhere as a child and my mom keeps saying when I die they need to kill my mouth separately because I just talk and talk and talk especially when I am nervous. I can not even stay still while putting on my clothes.

I was always good at school though.

But my son probably has that from me because my husband is the calmest person on earth.

 

[goldberry]

Adding a personal experience... I had severe post-partum depression and was vehemently anti-medication.  After seeing a talk-therapist, who said I had all my behavioral/thought processes already in order and they couldn't recommend anything else, I finally caved.  I was literally able to be MYSELF again.  

Also, talking to my mother who raised three kids, she said there was not a morning that she woke up and was not afraid that one of us was going to die that day.  Her mental struggles prevented her from enjoying anything about motherhood.  So, I'm grateful I did not have to suffer like that.

Edited May 11, 2022 by goldberry

[prairiewindmomma]

Be patient through the process.

I hear a lot of anxiety in your post about sending him back to school.

Trust that the evaluations will bring out the information that you need to have. Trust that you can make good decisions about how to help your child. Trust that there is a possibility that school can be a great fit for your kid, or even if it isn't that you will find the tools to help your child do well in school.

With my oldest, we put off evaluations for a long time. Then we put off medication for a long time and tried all kinds of things.  I regret that, but we did it when there were no other good options before us.  It was my fear and my husband's fear that held our kid back from getting help for a long while. When our second child started to have issues, we did evaluations sooner. We didn't do medication, and still haven't. We did a ton of therapy. With our third child, we did evaluations at the first glimmer of an issue, and we started medication and therapy right away. Three different kids who needed three different paths to being happier and healthier and a having a better chance at success socially and academically. ETA: Yes, there is a very strong genetic link there. We don't have all of our kids on medication, but we have a strong family history of adhd. That's why more of our kids are on medication.

If you don't want to do medication right away, that's fine.  The schools cannot require medication.  But, and this is a big but, do other things. Do therapy. Do executive functioning support. Do mindfulness. Do keep talking with your kid and their teacher(s).

Edited May 11, 2022 by prairiewindmomma

[goldberry]

2 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

 

If you don't want to do medication right away, that's fine.  The schools cannot require medication.  But, and this is a big but, do other things. Do therapy. Do executive functioning support. Do mindfulness. Do keep talking with your kid and their teacher(s).

In reference to my husband, he's not medicated as an adult.  He DID eventually learn behavior strategies to accomplish things in the workplace, home, etc.  So it totally can be done.  I just wish he wasn't so beaten down by the struggle when he was younger that it affected his self-confidence so much.

[Lecka]

https://www.flinthillsneuropsych.com
 

I took my son here about ten years ago.

Edit:  you can ask when you call, when he went it was covered by Tricare and he didn’t need a referral, but it can just depend.  
 

Also you might expand to looking in Topeka, Wichita, Kansas City, etc.  

 

I think it sounds like things are going to be okay if he goes without already having an evaluation.
 

I’m just mentioning options.  I did not know for a long time I could call around to places instead of just waiting and waiting.  

 

Edited May 11, 2022 by Lecka

[prairiewindmomma]

Topeka doesn't have much, KC metro does, in part because KU tends to be a national leader on ped autism....  

In case you know anyone that needs this information, KU Med even has a special autism evaluation clinic day for military families....it's designed to have a quicker turn around time without a long wait list for evaluation. https://www.kansashealthsystem.com/news-room/patient-stories/2019/04/autism-evaluations-for-military-families

[Lillyfee]

Thank you so much.

I have a very good feeling with the school but of course we move in October and they will go to another school and I hope they will be good there, too.

[City Mouse]

I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying non-medication treatments for ADHD, assuming he even has it, before trying medication, but I also think that completely ruling out medication from the get go is not fair to the child.

I will be honest and say that it is much easier to accommodate for ADHD while homeschooling (or public schooling at home) than it is in a traditional classroom, and it won’t take long to see if behavioral treatment alone are enough to help him. 

[kbutton]

8 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

Google suggest that perhaps 5% of American children receive medication for ADHD. That's 1 out of 20 - so maybe one or two in every average elementary school classroom.

If you think that all your kid's friends (or your friends' kids) are on medication, this suggests a few possibilities:

...

I agree.

I would also add that sometimes there are just "pockets" of ADHD in one classroom, etc. especially if a teacher is known to be good with kids who have it. Sometimes it's random--in our old church, my son's Sunday School class had an unusual number of kids in it that are not neurotypical, almost like it was an entrance requirement. That class was...interesting to say the least, lol!