Private school—what questions should I ask?

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

Long story short, we moved last summer and DD9 is deeply unhappy at her new school.  Most of her reasons are valid, some are not; and we have some of our own concerns.  It’s a good school district, but very affluent and that brings its own issues in some ways.  
There are only two private school options for middle school but we are willing to consider them.  One is a Catholic school that is probably far outside of our budget, and we earn too much to get financial assistance.  They also have a reasonably significant drug problem in the high school.

The other is a Baptist school that offers 5-12th grade.  They are accredited and also offer ACE classes, which are for college credit  awarded by the local community college.  It would be a stretch, but we could afford it.

However—I do have some concerns about the quality of teaching, the credentials of the teachers(I’m not sure any are certified or at least not in the areas they teach, though most seem to have a master’s in education).  I also am unsure of their history and science slant as well as the quality of science labs, though they offer biology and chemistry for college credit.  This also is the school SIL taught at for 15 years until they slowly removed her duties and classes, and gave them to the new director’s wife, who isn’t as qualified academically as SIL.  SIL no longer teaches there, but the whole situation is shady and left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

DH and I were homeschooled and we often feel completely unmoored trying to navigate the school systems for our kids.  All that to say, I am going to meet with the school director and take a list of questions. What should I ask? What should I keep my eyes open for? What would be your deal breakers with a private school?  This DD is miserable in public school, but we live someplace with super limited educational options.

Sending her to private school is cheaper than me quitting my job to homeschool. We have considered a hybrid homeschool program that just popped up here too, but I don’t like the curriculum they use(I know, I’m difficult). We’ve also considered paying out of district tuition to our former public school, but the commute is 25 minutes opposite our way to work.

But we really have to move DD after this school year, somehow.

[Terabith]

Will she be starting middle school next year?  Are her concerns such that they would apply at public middle school as much as at her elementary school?  
 

I would personally be VERY wary of the Baptist school.  

[Faith-manor]

Did you say A.C.E. as in Accelerated Christian Education? Because if it is that one, you need to run. What they teach about women, girls, motherhood and marriage, lifestyle rules that they insist are enforced at home or the student is expelled, etc. is really awful. The science is very poor, the math even worse. I was victimized by a year in such a school, my nephews were all relegated (K-12) to an A.C.E. school and have spent their entire adulthood trying to overcome the massive, educational deficits. The author of the curriculum, who had NO qualifications for writing it, even said that the A.C.E. system is not set up for academic preparation but for brainwashing children for god, and by that, he meant a very one way, fundamentalist version of christianity. 

Also, A.C.E. does not offer any high school material that is college level for transfer. It doesn't encourage college, but does say if going, to try to CLEP test some requirements. If you mean A.P. coursework, then the school isn't A.C.E. because that organization does not allow "Schools of Tomorrow" to operate under their umbrella if using any other curriculum but theirs and that includes even electives online.

So you really need to check this out.

Edited March 7, 2022 by Faith-manor

[Drama Llama]

What are the reasons she's unhappy?  I would start my questions there.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

No, ACE is the program run by the NYS university system award college credit for high school classes. The teachers have to meet certain qualification standards such as a master’s degree and follow the SUNY syllabi.  It’s basically dual credit but held at the school instead of the college and with the high school teachers.  All the public schools also offer ACE classes; though not as many as this Baptist school does. 

The public intermediate school she is slated for is decent academically but there is a lot of social issues. Many parents in our district actually send their kids to the Catholic school at this point, which we didn’t realize when we moved. The closest secular private school for middle and high school is over 60 minutes away.  We just don’t have secular private school options here.  You do not have to be any flavor of Christian to attend either the Catholic or the Baptist school, and due to the lack of options they both attract a lot of non religious families.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

12 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

What are the reasons she's unhappy?  I would start my questions there.

85% of it is that she’s gifted and our new district no longer offers enrichment, extension, gifted programs, nothing. She was in an enrichment program before we moved and very deeply misses it.  The school district used to have a thriving gifted program, but got rid of it during Covid and last month announced they won’t be bringing it back. They also got rid of their extensive music program in the intermediate school, though they still have some in high school.  She plays violin and while the school offers orchestra in intermediate, that’s all.

Both private schools offer some type of gifted or enrichment program, and based on her standardized test scores this year there will be no issue getting her into the gifted programs at either school.  The Baptist school also has orchestra, choir, worship team, Strings orchestra, and traveling music teams. I’m sure the catholic school has music offerings, but I’m not as familiar with them. Most kids who go there are heavy into sports as the Catholic school has great sports teams.

Edited March 7, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[Tap]

I would consider the private schools for a year at a time. So much can change in just a few years for families and schools, I wouldn’t worry much about what the high school looks like, if she is just 9 now. 
 

what to ask..

the things you already are looking at

curriculum

tuition and related fees ( also what if she wants to leave)

important dates

staff credentials ( not super duper important but worth looking at)

extracurriculars

staff/student ratio ( and related wait lists)

accomodations for IEP/504 if needed

testing for placement and yearly 

nurse on staff if needed ( diabetic child etc)

volunteer expectations, donations etc

field trip fees ( being the one kid who can’t afford 8th grade DC trip sucks)

Drop off/ pick up expectations 

school schedule including 1/2 days (spring break may not line up with PS)

uniform/ book / supply fees 

Sport fees and what that includes ( cheerleading might be $100 but the uniform is $150 and weekly shirts for events is $10 week etc

discipline/ consequences 

retention for following year ratio

faith based expectations (bible classes /sermons)

uniform/hair/ shoes appearance

if doing sports (who transports)

I’ll try to think of more but need to go for now

Edited March 7, 2022 by Tap

[Faith-manor]

Okay. So not A.C.E. then my next thought would be what is the Baptist church using? Abeka, Bob Jones, C.L.E.? Any of those may not be at all compatible with your home life, and I would also ask what statement of faith they require, and what lifestyle statements they demand. The Baptist schools I have known of required a very specific theology/faith statement so if not Calvinist, it would be a no go. They also required the parents to sign statements saying they would never purchase or consume alcohol for any reason, would never take their children to a movie theater, would not allow secular music in the car or home, would not engage in mixed swimming, etc. lots and lots of rules, and even if other children in the home did not attend the school, the parents had to pledge that all of the children would abide by the lifestyle rules so that the student attending would not "become a bad influence". I would explore every aspect of their expectations.

I wish there was a Missouri Synod, Lutheran K-8 in your area. They tend to be really, really good schools academically, and nurturing places with highly qualified staff because the denomination has high standards in this regard. Some of the Lutheran universities have the very best teacher ed programs.

I would consider, though it is a big pain, paying tuition back to the old school for middle school, and then " homeschooling" high school, but using D.E. to accomplish it.  You wouldn't need to quit your job for that.

[Frances]

I would definitely want to know about the degrees of the teachers. For me personally, an MS in education would mean nothing. But at a minimum, I would expect math teachers to have a math degree (or at least a minor), science teachers to have a science degree, etc. At top private schools, most teachers don’t have education degrees at all, but they do have at least a bachelor’s and often advanced degrees in their subject matter.

I would want to know their philosophy on HW and how much time is generally expected per grade.

I would want to know how religion is incorporated into the curriculum and especially how it influences the teaching of science, history, government, etc.

I would really look into who is using the private schools in this, as you describe it, wealthy area. Private schools are fairly rare where I live and while the one relatively small Catholic high school is fine academically (although it doesn’t offer the same quantity of advanced classes or votech classes as at any of the large public high schools), it does have something of a reputation for parents sending their troubled kids there. 
 

While it’s very common for non-Catholics to send their kids to Catholic school, is that generally similarly true for Baptist schools? Personally, I would want my religious views to be pretty well aligned with whatever school I was using, especially as my kids got older, as that will be the child’s peer group. And that seems especially important now that so much of Christianity in the US is so toxically intertwined with politics.

I guess whatever her and your issues are with the public school, I would ask lots of questions to try and make sure they aren’t present at the private schools.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

8 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Okay. So not A.C.E. then my next thought would be what is the Baptist church using? Abeka, Bob Jones, C.L.E.? Any of those may not be at all compatible with your home life, and I would also ask what statement of faith they require, and what lifestyle statements they demand. The Baptist schools I have known of required a very specific theology/faith statement so if not Calvinist, it would be a no go. They also required the parents to sign statements saying they would never purchase or consume alcohol for any reason, would never take their children to a movie theater, would not allow secular music in the car or home, would not engage in mixed swimming, etc. lots and lots of rules, and even if other children in the home did not attend the school, the parents had to pledge that all of the children would abide by the lifestyle rules so that the student attending would not "become a bad influence". I would explore every aspect of their expectations.

I wish there was a Missouri Synod, Lutheran K-8 in your area. They tend to be really, really good schools academically, and nurturing places with highly qualified staff because the denomination has high standards in this regard. Some of the Lutheran universities have the very best teacher ed programs.

I would consider, though it is a big pain, paying tuition back to the old school for middle school, and then " homeschooling" high school, but using D.E. to accomplish it.  You wouldn't need to quit your job for that.

We can’t drive back to the old school, even though that would be our first preference.  It’s 20 minutes in the opposite direction from work and we have no way to get her there in the morning. 
There is no faith statement that you have to sign. The closest thing is a statement of student support that the student signs and the parent agrees to support no profanity, no drugs, guns, knives, and not to destroy school property.  oh, and you have to sign that you understand cell phones stay in lockers except for lunch.  There’s a dress code but it’s in line with our family modesty standards, and she could wear her personal uniform of jeans and a hoody lol.

When my SIL taught there, she said probably half the kids had no church affiliation.  I don’t know what curriculum they’re using, though, and I have to ask.  If I homeschooled, we’d really need to use the hybrid homeschool program, and they use Abeka which I am not fond of.

I’d prefer subject matter degrees, but even at the public school many of the teachers have only a bachelor’s in education and all the ones who have a master’s degree is in education. NYS teaching certification qualification disparages subject matter degrees and only wants to certify those holding education degrees, which is another annoyance to me.  

Edited March 7, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[vonfirmath]

15 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Okay. So not A.C.E. then my next thought would be what is the Baptist church using? Abeka, Bob Jones, C.L.E.? Any of those may not be at all compatible with your home life, and I would also ask what statement of faith they require, and what lifestyle statements they demand. The Baptist schools I have known of required a very specific theology/faith statement so if not Calvinist, it would be a no go. They also required the parents to sign statements saying they would never purchase or consume alcohol for any reason, would never take their children to a movie theater, would not allow secular music in the car or home, would not engage in mixed swimming, etc. lots and lots of rules, and even if other children in the home did not attend the school, the parents had to pledge that all of the children would abide by the lifestyle rules so that the student attending would not "become a bad influence". I would explore every aspect of their expectations.

I wish there was a Missouri Synod, Lutheran K-8 in your area. They tend to be really, really good schools academically, and nurturing places with highly qualified staff because the denomination has high standards in this regard. Some of the Lutheran universities have the very best teacher ed programs.

I would consider, though it is a big pain, paying tuition back to the old school for middle school, and then " homeschooling" high school, but using D.E. to accomplish it.  You wouldn't need to quit your job for that.

It will be interesting to find out what the baptist school rules are because, although some of these may have been the case for when I was growing up in a baptist church -- I go to a baptist church now and none of them feel real. It is possible at my daughter's preteen camp last summer they had the girls and boys swim separate. I don't remember. (Though I think they stayed together as a church) and I definitely know they all went to the Blob together as a group, boys and girls. So they were in swimsuits jumping off into the water, standing in line, etc.

 

ETA: Though honestly: When I was a kid the general swim times would be separate for girls and boys -at- camp. (Though my dad had a "Polar Bear Plunge" where everyone participating plunged at the same time. No boys nad girls separate there). But we were never expected to swim separate outside of camp. I was on a swim team and it was everyone in the water everyday.

 

And the previous Baptist church summer camp we went to had one rotation that was swimming and they didn't say "Girls only" or "Boys only" But everyone swam together.  Before COVID, our current youth group went to a movie together as a family day that was advertised in general advertising.  There is no alcohol I've seen at church sponsored events but no one hesitates to talk about drinking alcohol at other times.  (Oh and we have watched a movie shown on the church lawn more recently. Though actually we saw Superman at church even as a kid.)

Edited March 7, 2022 by vonfirmath

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

31 minutes ago, vonfirmath said:

It will be interesting to find out what the baptist school rules are because, although some of these may have been the case for when I was growing up in a baptist church -- I go to a baptist church now and none of them feel real. It is possible at my daughter's preteen camp last summer they had the girls and boys swim separate. I don't remember. (Though I think they stayed together as a church) and I definitely know they all went to the Blob together as a group, boys and girls. So they were in swimsuits jumping off into the water, standing in line, etc.

 

And the previous Baptist church summer camp we went to had one rotation that was swimming and they didn't say "Girls only" or "Boys only" But everyone swam together.  Before COVID, our current youth group went to a movie together as a family day that was advertised in general advertising.  There is no alcohol I've seen at church sponsored events but no one hesitates to talk about drinking alcohol at other times.

I’m not as concerned about the religious stuff, because this school is a “ministry” of a collection of Baptist churches locally, one of which DD attends with my in laws. This group runs a summer camp that she spends 3 weeks every summer at too, so I feel like the religious stuff at the school would probably be in line with our family beliefs.  I have that written down to ask about, though. I do feel like I know very little about the academic quality, though, and I don’t know the right questions to ask in order to find out.

The camp definitely has mixed swimming and the school has several co-Ed sports teams.  The youth group at church goes to movies and I’ve had dinner with the pastor where he ordered a glass of wine. These are definitely not your Independent Fundamental Baptist types of churches. 
DD’s preference is homeschooling and then the Baptist school if homeschooling isn’t an option.  I think what she really truly wants(if she can’t be homeschooled, finish her work in three hours and spend the rest of the day reading and on screens) is the enrichment classes and the access to extracurriculars, specifically robotics team, drama club and strings orchestra.  Those are not offered at the public school. (Drama club is offered at the high school level; robots and strings are not). DH’s preference is public school, mostly because he’s a path of least resistance person when it comes to education and we pay a lot in school taxes; paying tuition or losing my $80,000 a year income to homeschool does not thrill him when we’ve got expensive school tax regardless. 
I just want to do whatever is best for her, but I’ve never navigated the school system really with a neurotypical child. My oldest is in a therapeutic autism/emotionally disabled school and my youngest is going into a 12:1:1 self contained class for cognitive disabilities, so I’m lost trying to navigate things like school alternatives. Plus I was homeschooled and never had much interaction with the system. 

Edited March 7, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[catz]

I would evaluate for the short term.  If you are like most places, you will have a wider variety of choices for high school.  So I wouldn't worry too much about teachers degrees for a 5th grader for example or dual enrollment options, etc.  If she wants enrichment and extracurricular access, I'd focus on that and maybe asking how they handle kids that are ahead in the classroom.  Might it be possible for her to visit for the day and sit in on class, clubs, etc?  It would be disappointing to make a change to have her not like it anyway.

Another thought is do you have enrichment options you could piece together in your community for some of the things she's interested in?  A grandparent that could drive her a ways for robotics team once a week?  Music lessons?  Community youth orchestra?  Youth theater groups?  Choirs? etc.  Sometimes if you can find those gems they can be better quality both in terms of motivated peer group and professional staff than a school can offer.  We ended up homeschooling our kids but those kind of things were my kids lifelines for years.  

I do kind of feel like for a lot of GT kids those middle school years are the worst years and a lot of kids have a hard period somewhere socially, emotionally, physically during those years.  I think finding some good extracurricular and social outlets can go a long way at getting a kid through those years.  We always considered educational choices on a year by year basis.  

[prairiewindmomma]

Arguably, gifted kids aren’t neurotypical in the broader definition. 🤷‍♀️
 

I would ask specifically about what gifted enrichment looks like, as it has varied WIDELY between the schools my kids have been in. This will be especially important to you as it seems that this is what is missing for dd.

The above questions about attendance policy, dress code, expected fundraising, calendar, etc. are the things I look at besides the usual “vibe” of the school.
 

One of the schools my dd attended had special activities all of the time and I came to dread them. Carving pumpkins for a favorite book character, endless crazy hair days, certain school shirts on certain days—it took up an amount of mental bandwidth for me I wasn’t prepared to give up. So, understanding the extra-school things and whether dd would be socially left out in missing those is something I would ask about also.

Honestly, I would be tempted to leave dd in public school and do extra around that…I have pulled kids from a bad fit school, but it is the last, last option for me. 

[vonfirmath]

8 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Arguably, gifted kids aren’t neurotypical in the broader definition. 🤷‍♀️
 

I would ask specifically about what gifted enrichment looks like, as it has varied WIDELY between the schools my kids have been in. This will be especially important to you as it seems that this is what is missing for dd.

The above questions about attendance policy, dress code, expected fundraising, calendar, etc. are the things I look at besides the usual “vibe” of the school.
 

One of the schools my dd attended had special activities all of the time and I came to dread them. Carving pumpkins for a favorite book character, endless crazy hair days, certain school shirts on certain days—it took up an amount of mental bandwidth for me I wasn’t prepared to give up. So, understanding the extra-school things and whether dd would be socially left out in missing those is something I would ask about also.

Honestly, I would be tempted to leave dd in public school and do extra around that…I have pulled kids from a bad fit school, but it is the last, last option for me. 

Our public elementary did a bunch of those special activity days. My son did few of them but my daughter enjoyed it so did it on her own mostly and really enjoyed them.

[Tap]

22 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Arguably, gifted kids aren’t neurotypical in the broader definition. 🤷‍♀️
 

I would ask specifically about what gifted enrichment looks like, as it has varied WIDELY between the schools my kids have been in. This will be especially important to you as it seems that this is what is missing for dd.

The above questions about attendance policy, dress code, expected fundraising, calendar, etc. are the things I look at besides the usual “vibe” of the school.
 

One of the schools my dd attended had special activities all of the time and I came to dread them. Carving pumpkins for a favorite book character, endless crazy hair days, certain school shirts on certain days—it took up an amount of mental bandwidth for me I wasn’t prepared to give up. So, understanding the extra-school things and whether dd would be socially left out in missing those is something I would ask about also.

Honestly, I would be tempted to leave dd in public school and do extra around that…I have pulled kids from a bad fit school, but it is the last, last option for me. 

Oh my yes!!!! The dreaded ‘fun’ teacher!! Lol great for the kids whose parent thrives in that world….and terror for the ones who have enough to keep track of on a regular day!!!!

especially the kindergarten teacher who had kids bring certain numbers of things. Trying to count out 57 legos or Pennys or Polly pocket pieces every morning was more tedious than learning 

Edited March 7, 2022 by Tap

[Tap]

I will suggest that you set aside about $2000 to $3000 in extra money on top of tuition to pay for extra expenses. I found that every little thing had a price tag attached in private school. Tuition covered the basics, nothing else. Dd went to 3 private schools…. Cheap, mid-range, expensive. All 3 were the same. 

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

 It’s a good school district, but very affluent and that brings its own issues in some ways.  

There are only two private school options for middle school but we are willing to consider them.  One is a Catholic school that is probably far outside of our budget, and we earn too much to get financial assistance.  They also have a reasonably significant drug problem in the high school.

The other is a Baptist school that offers 5-12th grade.  

What would be your deal breakers with a private school?  This DD is miserable in public school, but we live someplace with super limited educational options.

Sending her to private school is cheaper than me quitting my job to homeschool. We have considered a hybrid homeschool program that just popped up here too, but I don’t like the curriculum they use(I know, I’m difficult).

We are in a similar position right now, but I think we found a secular private school that is going to work and won't have a ton of hidden fees. Crossing our fingers! We're in the home stretch with high school though. We have an acquaintance that has quirky gifted kids who fit there, so we are really hoping for a good fit. 

So, the affluence might be an issue in either of the private schools, and because they are private, it's actually quite likely. I have heard this almost everywhere. They might do things like uniforms to help mitigate it, but it's real in lots of private schools in lots of geographic areas.

My deal breakers:

• Christian nationalism and/or curriculum that perpetuates it. 
• Significant hypocrisy. If I have to choose between a school that claims our values but is a poor fit or perpetuates ideas we don't agree with and a school that doesn't hold our values but perpetuates ideas we don't agree with, the one that is farthest from our values tends to win. It's much easier to not dislike people that way. We just say, "They don't share our values, so why would they act like we do?" When they say they value what we value, it just gets ugly and feels icky. I don't like being an enabler, and you can only go against the grain so much.
• Cost. We have a state scholarship program for students on IEPs, or we could not afford this right now. Too much fluctuation in my DH's hours and too many out-of-pocket or non-covered medical services right now (orthodontia, a kid who had supernumerary wisdom teeth, etc.). 
• Regarding Catholic schools...this varies, but the ones here fundraise heavily via selling alcohol and via gambling games (or at least used to--not sure now). I have varying levels of comfort with that. I don't mind a raffle now and then, but at one point, it was really tons of money and tons of drinking. It was like a carnival where other than food and a couple of rides, the only things to do were to drink or gamble, and it was a family event. Volunteering at that event was required for parents. (This may have changed.) A bigwig at the high school level (coach maybe?) died in a drunk driving accident...he was the one drinking. Even then, he was practically deified in local media. That really turned me off. You can be a great person and have issues, but once you're endangering others...not a good look. The poor man needed intervention not to be put on a platform. (IIRC, no other people were killed, and it might've been a one-car accident.) 

2 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

The public intermediate school she is slated for is decent academically but there is a lot of social issues. 

In addition to the affluence? 

2 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

Both private schools offer some type of gifted or enrichment program, and based on her standardized test scores this year there will be no issue getting her into the gifted programs at either school.  The Baptist school also has orchestra, choir, worship team, Strings orchestra, and traveling music teams. I’m sure the catholic school has music offerings, but I’m not as familiar with them. Most kids who go there are heavy into sports as the Catholic school has great sports teams.

I would want to know if gifted enrichment is available outside of school and if the school programs are worth it. As someone said, they vary wildly. We had to drive 45 minutes (some people drove 2 hours!), but we had a semi-local option for gifted enrichment that was better than anything schools tend to offer. It was reasonably priced, and parent involvement was do-able (help in class once per six-week session, bring juice once per session). They also offered parent enrichment during class times--they had speakers that would talk about gifted kids, gifted adults, resources, getting testing, IEP accommodations, dual enrollment, schooling options, etc. It was awesome.

1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I’m not as concerned about the religious stuff, because this school is a “ministry” of a collection of Baptist churches locally, one of which DD attends with my in laws. This group runs a summer camp that she spends 3 weeks every summer at too, so I feel like the religious stuff at the school would probably be in line with our family beliefs.  I have that written down to ask about, though. I do feel like I know very little about the academic quality, though, and I don’t know the right questions to ask in order to find out.

This is hard to figure out at a lot of places. Curriculum helps, but it's not definitive. You might need to visit for the day. I will say that no option is likely make it or break it at her age, and a year there might buy you time to figure out a larger plan.

So far, the Baptist school is, surprisingly, sounding like a good option. 

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I would ask specifically about what gifted enrichment looks like, as it has varied WIDELY between the schools my kids have been in. This will be especially important to you as it seems that this is what is missing for dd.

The above questions about attendance policy, dress code, expected fundraising, calendar, etc. are the things I look at besides the usual “vibe” of the school.

Honestly, I would be tempted to leave dd in public school and do extra around that…I have pulled kids from a bad fit school, but it is the last, last option for me. 

All concerns I would share.

35 minutes ago, Tap said:

I will suggest that you set aside about $2000 to $3000 in extra money on top of tuition to pay for extra expenses. I found that every little thing had a price tag attached in private school. Tuition covered the basics, nothing else. Dd went to 3 private schools…. Cheap, mid-range, expensive. All 3 were the same. 

I have heard this too. We're crossing our fingers that the option we chose for next year does not do this--they said they don't, and they assess a fee up front for things like field trips and technology. They have a rolling admission so that re-enrollees don't have to shell out money every spring as well. I think they have tried to avoid this as much as possible. 

I know one local private school charges insane amounts of money to list DE classes on their transcript that are taught on campus. Far more than the DE itself costs if you do it other ways. 

Edited March 7, 2022 by kbutton
clarity

[Faith-manor]

34 minutes ago, Tap said:

I will suggest that you set aside about $2000 to $3000 in extra money on top of tuition to pay for extra expenses. I found that every little thing had a price tag attached in private school. Tuition covered the basics, nothing else. Dd went to 3 private schools…. Cheap, mid-range, expensive. All 3 were the same. 

Yes, when I taught at the private school part-time for a discount for DD, there were a ton of uncovered extras! It really adds up. So I think I would be tempted to consider tuition budget to be tuition plus 10-15%.

[prairiewindmomma]

1 hour ago, Tap said:

Oh my yes!!!! The dreaded ‘fun’ teacher!! 

This was a PTA on steroids situation which was bad because a lot of things were set up as classroom competitions for participation. It made it harder for dd to choose not to participate when she didn’t want to. Still, all of the odds and ends for participating averaged $20-30/week according to my budget that year….

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

2 hours ago, Tap said:

I will suggest that you set aside about $2000 to $3000 in extra money on top of tuition to pay for extra expenses. I found that every little thing had a price tag attached in private school. Tuition covered the basics, nothing else. Dd went to 3 private schools…. Cheap, mid-range, expensive. All 3 were the same. 

I didn’t even think of this.  Our public school nickels and dimes everything too, though.  They had a significant funding cut last year and I’m sure that’s why they’ve cut so much extracurricular stuff but the private schools are still able to have all of it. 

 

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

This was a PTA on steroids situation which was bad because a lot of things were set up as classroom competitions for participation. It made it harder for dd to choose not to participate when she didn’t want to. Still, all of the odds and ends for participating averaged $20-30/week according to my budget that year….

YES!!! This is what the new school does and this in class competition thing has bothered DD a lot.  Part of the affluence is that there are parents in the classroom who drop hundreds of dollars on, say, the fundraiser chocolate they just did and then those kids get extra prizes(real life example last Friday) while DD sold $50 worth of chocolate bars to my coworkers and I thought we rocked the fundraiser.
And the PTA…well, those moms mean well, bless their hearts.

The Catholic schools here tend to be very expensive for the area($20,000 a year for high school) and attract the really affluent kids.  The Baptist school has a we’ll work with you policy and is heavily supported by the churches, and they tend to have a less affluent and more diverse group of kids because if it. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

3 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Arguably, gifted kids aren’t neurotypical in the broader definition. 🤷‍♀️
 

I would ask specifically about what gifted enrichment looks like, as it has varied WIDELY between the schools my kids have been in. This will be especially important to you as it seems that this is what is missing for dd.

The above questions about attendance policy, dress code, expected fundraising, calendar, etc. are the things I look at besides the usual “vibe” of the school.
 

One of the schools my dd attended had special activities all of the time and I came to dread them. Carving pumpkins for a favorite book character, endless crazy hair days, certain school shirts on certain days—it took up an amount of mental bandwidth for me I wasn’t prepared to give up. So, understanding the extra-school things and whether dd would be socially left out in missing those is something I would ask about also.

Honestly, I would be tempted to leave dd in public school and do extra around that…I have pulled kids from a bad fit school, but it is the last, last option for me. 

This was my original plan after the first few weeks in the new school. I figured I could after school. But it’s March and honestly I don’t have the energy or bandwidth, and just haven’t done only.

We are going to go shadow in the school in two weeks and so I hope I can see it up close. My SIL taught here until last year, too, so I can ask her what she truly thought of the enrichment programs.

[Farrar]

My understanding is that ACE credits are practically worthless now. There have been changes in them in the last couple of years and they aren't really useful anymore outside some extremely narrow circumstances. For example, study(dot)com used to rely on them a ton and now they have pivoted to saying that students can use CLEP and AP.

[cjzimmer1]

I don't know if this will be useful but have you looked into any of the homeschool classes online?  9 is a little younger than I started using them but depending on the kid/subject might be useful.  I know there are some of the providers have pretty high standards (I have a gifted kid too so I understand the need for high level classes).  Depending on her social needs, you could do all online classes (we have always done pick and choose so it's common for my kids to juggle classes from multiple providers at once) or suppliment ones that you are least able to teach at home or even just as an extra class on top of whatever other schooling option you end up using.

[PeppermintPattie]

I would ask to sit in on a math class, and maybe one more, to help me decide. Or you could ask if DD can go for a day to see what she thinks.

[lmrich]

So you can't drive back to the old district, but can you pay someone else to do so? 

 

[Longtime Lurker]

This is really interesting to me that the private schools have more enrichment/extracurriculars than the public schools. In my area, the public schools have more AP classes, are more likely to have GT/enrichment programs at the elementary/middle level, have more extensive music (orchestra/band/choir programs), and more extracurriculars like robotics/drama club/etc. There may be more academically struggling kids at the public schools because they have to take everyone (and the private schools do not), but they have vastly more opportunities for advancement and enrichment for gifted (or simply advanced) kids. 

I personally would be wary of the Baptist school and lean more towards the Catholic school if you need to go with private (and I am Christian but not Catholic). If the Catholic school is where the affluent families send their kids, that is saying something.

Edited March 8, 2022 by Longtime Lurker
grammar

[bookbard]

1 hour ago, lmrich said:

So you can't drive back to the old district, but can you pay someone else to do so? 

 

Great idea. Sounds cheaper and less stress. 20mins isn't that far. 

[Frances]

9 minutes ago, Longtime Lurker said:

This is really interesting to me that the private schools have more enrichment/extracurriculars than the public schools. In my area, the public schools have more AP classes, are more likely to have GT/enrichment programs at the elementary/middle level, have more extensive music (orchestra/band/choir programs), and more extracurriculars like robotics/drama club/etc. There may be more academically struggling kids at the public schools because they have to take everyone (and the private schools do not), but they have vastly more opportunities for advancement and enrichment for gifted (or simply advanced) kids. 

I personally would be wary of the Baptist school and lean more towards the Catholic school if you need to go with private (and I am Christian but not Catholic). if the Catholic school is where the affluent families send their kids, that is saying something.

Same here. The only real advantage of the private religious schools are smaller class sizes and you don’t really have to try out for sports teams, everyone makes the cut. But a very, very small percentage of people here use private schools, especially  for middle and high school.

[*****]

9 hours ago, Tap said:

Oh my yes!!!! The dreaded ‘fun’ teacher!! Lol great for the kids whose parent thrives in that world….and terror for the ones who have enough to keep track of on a regular day!!!!

Or the PTA that allows a second spirit week...in the spring.   (Local public school does this, along with many of the above suggested 'fun days'). I am glad to know I am not the only one who dreads all of this. Not enough bandwidth AND it takes so much out of teaching time.

In addition to all of the great suggestions above, I would ask about  personnel and volunteer screening. Do they require background checks/fingerprinting before working at the school?

Also, are there policies for new students entering the private school? Such as, does the school allow students who have been suspended or kicked out of their former school (s)?    What are the behavior policies?  I am realizing that private schools often attract some who don't fit the 'mold' in public schools, often academically or socially. Although this is not often a problem, but sometimes there may not be enough personnel to help these kids in the classroom. Or check to see if the school has trained individuals to help.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

8 hours ago, Longtime Lurker said:

This is really interesting to me that the private schools have more enrichment/extracurriculars than the public schools. In my area, the public schools have more AP classes, are more likely to have GT/enrichment programs at the elementary/middle level, have more extensive music (orchestra/band/choir programs), and more extracurriculars like robotics/drama club/etc. There may be more academically struggling kids at the public schools because they have to take everyone (and the private schools do not), but they have vastly more opportunities for advancement and enrichment for gifted (or simply advanced) kids. 

I personally would be wary of the Baptist school and lean more towards the Catholic school if you need to go with private (and I am Christian but not Catholic). If the Catholic school is where the affluent families send their kids, that is saying something.

The public schools have funding cuts; the private schools have more money to do things, basically. And the classes are smaller and more flexible. 
I don’t know if we could afford the Catholic high school, and it’s got a well known drug problem. I’ve requested information but I suspect that it will be far out of our reach.  It has a great, very competitive sports program, and that’s the major draw for a lot of families.  DD isn’t interested now, but if that changed we’d add that into the equation.  

ACE is Accelerated College Education. It’s a SUNY program and the high school instructors are hired on as adjuncts and meet the same advanced degree requirements as adjuncts on campus, then they teach the classes in the high school; it follows the same syllabus as the on campus classes. The kids are awarded SUNY college credits.  It’s a State University of NY program that the Baptist school participates in.  All The public high schools offer ACE classes too; the advantage is that the Baptist high school offers from a selection of 10 and our public high school offers three. 

I cannot homeschool her without quitting my job. DH won’t even discuss that option, and I don’t think we could lose my income anyway.  NYS does not offer online public high school so we’d be paying online tuition and then have to find daily childcare and pay for that.  Childcare is almost impossible to find for school age kids.

We live very rurally now.  Our nearest neighbors are a mile in either direction.  I think finding someone to drive 25 minutes to the former school and back would be pretty difficult.  I’m not particularly concerned about the religious flavor of either school.  The Catholic school has optional Mass three times a week, and that’s about it.  The Baptist school is more religious, but since she already attends the affiliated Baptist church and a three week Baptist summer camp every year, I think the religious instruction would be in line with what we believe and what she’s already receiving at home, church and camp.

Edited March 8, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

6 hours ago, ***** said:

Or the PTA that allows a second spirit week...in the spring.   (Local public school does this, along with many of the above suggested 'fun days'). I am glad to know I am not the only one who dreads all of this. Not enough bandwidth AND it takes so much out of teaching time.

In addition to all of the great suggestions above, I would ask about  personnel and volunteer screening. Do they require background checks/fingerprinting before working at the school?

Also, are there policies for new students entering the private school? Such as, does the school allow students who have been suspended or kicked out of their former school (s)?    What are the behavior policies?  I am realizing that private schools often attract some who don't fit the 'mold' in public schools, often academically or socially. Although this is not often a problem, but sometimes there may not be enough personnel to help these kids in the classroom. Or check to see if the school has trained individuals to help.

These are good things to ask.  I know both schools have behavior policies; they’re better enforced at one over the other. But both behavior policies are the standard no drugs/no alcohol/no fighting/no destruction of school property.  
Not even the public schools here require background checks and fingerprints of volunteers.  I can walk into my child’s classroom today and hang out with the kids. You do need the fingerprint checks to substitute teach though.  

[vonfirmath]

1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

These are good things to ask.  I know both schools have behavior policies; they’re better enforced at one over the other. But both behavior policies are the standard no drugs/no alcohol/no fighting/no destruction of school property.  
Not even the public schools here require background checks and fingerprints of volunteers.  I can walk into my child’s classroom today and hang out with the kids. You do need the fingerprint checks to substitute teach though.  

That is so strange. We have to apply and be background checked to do anything around the kids here (in Texas). Though right now the schools are closed and even background checked adults are not being allowed in.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

32 minutes ago, vonfirmath said:

That is so strange. We have to apply and be background checked to do anything around the kids here (in Texas). Though right now the schools are closed and even background checked adults are not being allowed in.

I have no idea about the new school system, but in the district we were in before, volunteers were never alone with the kids.  I didn’t need a background check and fingerprints to volunteer in the classrooms, but school staff was always present.  I had to do the background check to substitute teach, and then I was alone with kids.

[*****]

No fingerprinting for volunteers, I meant for teachers. But around here, some schools do require a background check for volunteering.

 I work for 1 school that never asked for anything and it dawned on me how strange that seemed, especially if I had a child in that school. It seems in this day and age, that would be a given. 

Another very small private school I am familiar with had taken 2 students this year. Let's just say either academically or behaviorally, the school realized they needed to tighten their admissions policies. 

[Hannah]

16 hours ago, lmrich said:

So you can't drive back to the old district, but can you pay someone else to do so? 

 

This is what we do. I pay someone to drive Dd to school and activities.  We're 25 minutes from school. 

[Drama Llama]

I would ask the details of schedules for middle school and high school, and what conflicts with what. 

For example, you comment that one school has orchestra and not choir, and the other has both.  But would your kid be able to do both?  As the parent of a kid who would love to do both, I have found that a number of schools limit you to one elective.  If orchestra is what she'd pick, then it might not matter.  Similarly, my kid would love to do basketball and the musical and pit orchestra, but at several schools we looked at those three are all in the same time block.  

 

[Jaybee]

From what you have said, the Baptist school sounds like the best option in quite a few ways. It doesn't sound like it has the overarching fundamentalist elements that some do, and sounds more focused on academics and enrichment options than many private Christian schools do. I do think it is good to look into the particular school culture with some of the questions others have suggested, but I wouldn't shy away from it just because it is Baptist. The visit may tell you a lot. I am a bit of a skeptic when it comes to academic opportunities, because of the fact that so many "wonderful" options aren't as concerned about excellence as I was. And if one is talking about a religiously oriented school, I include "excellence" in the religious education aspects as well. While I homeschooled our kids varying numbers of years depending on our circumstances and their personalities/needs, our oldest kids graduated from a private Christian school overseas--conservative, but not fundamentalist, and with academic excellence. It prepared kids very well for a variety of university situations in a number of different countries. However, I was not interested in sending our youngest ds to a local Christian school when he was ready to branch out from homeschooling. The public school seemed a much better fit. The individual school's "personality" shouldn't be ignored. And alas, none of them are perfect; there are always conversations needed at home to counteract aspects of outside education, no matter where that education might come from.

[Drama Llama]

Can you get college matriculation lists for all the schools?

I also suggest going into a classroom, finding a kid who reminds you of your kid (in the way they act, not in demographics, although I'd also find a girl) and instead of watching the teacher watch them.  Is the kid engaged?   Are they doing things you want your kid doing?  Do they seem happy and relaxed?  Do they seem challenged?

[vonfirmath]

21 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I would ask the details of schedules for middle school and high school, and what conflicts with what. 

For example, you comment that one school has orchestra and not choir, and the other has both.  But would your kid be able to do both?  As the parent of a kid who would love to do both, I have found that a number of schools limit you to one elective.  If orchestra is what she'd pick, then it might not matter.  Similarly, my kid would love to do basketball and the musical and pit orchestra, but at several schools we looked at those three are all in the same time block.  

 

Note that you get these problems in any school. The schools do the best they can to put kids into electives, but inevitably there are conflicts.

In 8th grade, my son was not even able to participate in band because of conflicts in the schedule. But the band director worked with him so he could continue to practice that year and kept his skill up and he continued on in band in 9th.

Technically in HS you can be in both band and a sport. Practically speaking, though, it does not work out that well.

[catz]

23 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

Can you get college matriculation lists for all the schools?

I also suggest going into a classroom, finding a kid who reminds you of your kid (in the way they act, not in demographics, although I'd also find a girl) and instead of watching the teacher watch them.  Is the kid engaged?   Are they doing things you want your kid doing?  Do they seem happy and relaxed?  Do they seem challenged?

Would you get college matriculation lists when selecting a school for a 5th grader?  I just wouldn't bother going this deep for a best fit for a 5th grader.  I'd assess for fit and functionality for the middle school years with the idea that I would reasses at high school having parented GT kids through this age.  So very much can change during those years.  

I actually think college matriculation lists can be terribly misleading.  They tend to be more about socio-economic level than anything else.  I know kids in the past 5-6 years with engaged and resourceful parents who've gone to top 20 colleges out of urban publics that look pretty bad on paper.  Typically they qualify for enough FA to sqeak in or they have something like a wealthy grandparent in the background.   Those PS students can and do end up at all sorts of great schools.  Engaged and resourceful parenting can go a long way in this regard.  

I do think it might be interesting to know what % go onto college after graduating the Baptist school because some of those types of schools don't instill a culture of higher ed.  Though if it seemed like it might be a good social and extracurricular fit for a 9 year old, that wouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker for me for those grade 5-8 years.   Based on some of the OPs info, it does sound like this is a relatively affluent area so I'd suspect that would reflect in college matriculation in all these schools assuming their isn't some anti college culture at this one particular school.  

Edited March 8, 2022 by catz

[Drama Llama]

5 minutes ago, vonfirmath said:

Note that you get these problems in any school. The schools do the best they can to put kids into electives, but inevitably there are conflicts.

In 8th grade, my son was not even able to participate in band because of conflicts in the schedule. But the band director worked with him so he could continue to practice that year and kept his skill up and he continued on in band in 9th.

Technically in HS you can be in both band and a sport. Practically speaking, though, it does not work out that well.

Yes, but some schools it's easier than others. 

For example, the Catholic schools here have the same number of periods in a school day as public, but they have a required theology class, so the kids have one less elective a semester for all 4 years.  

[Idalou]

You could make a chart that compares the courses offered. I have googled the Baptist school in that county, you can find all of the faculty and where they went to school. I also searched the county school districts, and am going by the one you say is " affluent", but may have guessed incorrectly. They appear to have several AP courses, but I don't think AP mathematics were listed. They do have many more ACE courses than the Baptist school. So many people around me are very upset with the Rochester district, but I don't think they understand what the rural districts lack.

 

Edited March 8, 2022 by Idalou

[Drama Llama]

4 minutes ago, catz said:

Would you get college matriculation lists when selecting a school for a 5th grader?  I just wouldn't bother going this deep for a best fit for a 5th grader.  I'd assess for fit and functionality for the middle school years with the idea that I would reasses at high school having parented GT kids through this age.  So very much can change during those years.  

I actually think college matriculation lists can be terribly misleading.  They tend to be more about socio-economic level than anything else.  I know kids in the past 5-6 years with engaged and resourceful parents who've gone to top 20 colleges out of urban publics that look pretty bad on paper.  Typically they qualify for enough FA to sqeak in or they have something like a wealthy grandparent in the background.   Those PS students can and do end up at all sorts of great schools.  Engaged and resourceful parenting can go a long way in this regard.  

I do think it might be interesting to know what % go onto college after graduating the Baptist school because some of those types of schools don't instill a culture of higher ed.  Though if it seemed like it might be a good social and extracurricular fit for a 9 year old, that wouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker for me for those grade 5-8 years.   Based on some of the OPs info, it does sound like this is a relatively affluent area so I'd suspect that would reflect in college matriculation in all these schools assuming their isn't some anti college culture at this one particular school.  

I would.

First of all, I think that moving a kid whose happy is hard.  So, saying "well, we'll go there for middle school even though we don't share their beliefs about high school" can lead to a situation where you have an unhappy kid or a lot of conflict.  I'm not saying I'd never go into a school expecting to make a change, but I'd weigh that into my decision.

But I'm not saying that I would look at the two and pick the one that has the more impressive list.  I'd be looking at more subtle things.  For example, as a family whose kids qualify for financial aid, it worries that my kids' current private school's matriculation list includes very few state schools, and very few schools with reputations for generous merit aid.  I wonder if, given that we'll probably need to limit choices due to finances, if my kid will feel bad.  I wonder if his college counselor will have experience guiding kids through the financial aid process.  It clearly wasn't the only factor I took into account, because my kids are there, but it's a factor.  

Another thing that I look at as a parent of kid who is interested in a possible music degree is whether they've sent kids to conservatories.  Now, that's hard because the lists generally don't list the school, so they could have sent kids to Jacobs and it would just say IU, but you can get a clue.  

If I was looking at a religious school, I'd want to know what percentage of the kids were choosing schools of the same religious bent.  

And for my gifted kid, I do want the opportunity to shoot for the stars, so to speak, so a school that doesn't ever send any kids to the very top schools, might not be for him.  That doesn't mean I think he'll go there, or that it would be the right place for him, but it's a factor. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

1 hour ago, Idalou said:

You could make a chart that compares the courses offered. I have googled the Baptist school in that county, you can find all of the faculty and where they went to school. I also searched the county school districts, and am going by the one you say is " affluent", but may have guessed incorrectly. They appear to have several AP courses, but I don't think AP mathematics were listed. They do have many more ACE courses than the Baptist school. So many people around me are very upset with the Rochester district, but I don't think they understand what the rural districts lack.

 

I kind of focused on what she’d be interested in. I don’t expect more than two credits of math and two credits of English, mostly because I know from my own experience that it’s sometimes better to enter college as a freshman.  Everyone I talk to says ACE is a better option around here than AP.

Even moving here, we knew we would not consider sending our kids to the public high school.  I had not expected DD to be so unhappy this early, though. We had hoped to be able to homeschool by high school, but it’s looking increasingly unlikely that will happen unless I can find a job with a better schedule. That isn’t looking likely, either. 

Affluent is probably relative. The particular elementary school my kids are in is far more affluent than where we came from, but then we came from a really poverty stricken county. It’s probably not even close to some Rochester suburbs. 
As far as colleges, it’s mostly SUNY schools and secular private for the Catholic school and Christian private colleges for the Baptist school.  I graduated from a Christian private college and would be thrilled if my kids attended one, if it was affordable.

[Ausmumof3]

On 3/8/2022 at 5:20 AM, Faith-manor said:

Okay. So not A.C.E. then my next thought would be what is the Baptist church using? Abeka, Bob Jones, C.L.E.? Any of those may not be at all compatible with your home life, and I would also ask what statement of faith they require, and what lifestyle statements they demand. The Baptist schools I have known of required a very specific theology/faith statement so if not Calvinist, it would be a no go. They also required the parents to sign statements saying they would never purchase or consume alcohol for any reason, would never take their children to a movie theater, would not allow secular music in the car or home, would not engage in mixed swimming, etc. lots and lots of rules, and even if other children in the home did not attend the school, the parents had to pledge that all of the children would abide by the lifestyle rules so that the student attending would not "become a bad influence". I would explore every aspect of their expectations.

I wish there was a Missouri Synod, Lutheran K-8 in your area. They tend to be really, really good schools academically, and nurturing places with highly qualified staff because the denomination has high standards in this regard. Some of the Lutheran universities have the very best teacher ed programs.

I would consider, though it is a big pain, paying tuition back to the old school for middle school, and then " homeschooling" high school, but using D.E. to accomplish it.  You wouldn't need to quit your job for that.

Interesting. The Lutheran schools here also have an excellent reputation. Friends kids go to one and they have absolutely loved it.

Edited March 8, 2022 by Ausmumof3

[Frances]

3 hours ago, vonfirmath said:

Note that you get these problems in any school. The schools do the best they can to put kids into electives, but inevitably there are conflicts.

In 8th grade, my son was not even able to participate in band because of conflicts in the schedule. But the band director worked with him so he could continue to practice that year and kept his skill up and he continued on in band in 9th.

Technically in HS you can be in both band and a sport. Practically speaking, though, it does not work out that well.

I don’t think they exist at all schools. At my small public high school you could do band, choir, any sport, and be in all theatre productions. There were no schedule conflicts. Plus, transportation was provided for all after hour practices and rehearsals and all games, performances, etc. And we had free private music lessons from 3-12 grades (including the summer) except for the first few months when people were trying out new instruments, then they were group lessons.

Edited March 8, 2022 by Frances

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

48 minutes ago, Frances said:

I don’t think they exist at all schools. At my small public high school you could do band, choir, any sport, and be in all theatre productions. There were no schedule conflicts. Plus, transportation was provided for all after hour practices and rehearsals and all games, performances, etc. And we had free private music lessons from 3-12 grades (including the summer) except for the first few months when people were trying out new instruments, then they were group lessons.

The school my kids were previously in had 800 students, prekindergarten through 12th.  There were so few options(band, honors choir, drama club and sports were it) that many teens did everything all at once.  I’ve added that question to my list, though.  You guys have given me such great question ideas I’m at like 2 pages.

None of the options are really the best.  For this particular child, the best option is truly homeschooling utilizing the homeschool hybrid school here, if they didn’t use Abeka and I wasn’t working 57 hour weeks.  That may be an option later, maybe by junior high, but right now I’m just trying to pick the best of some not perfect options.  

[catz]

3 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I would.

First of all, I think that moving a kid whose happy is hard.  So, saying "well, we'll go there for middle school even though we don't share their beliefs about high school" can lead to a situation where you have an unhappy kid or a lot of conflict.  I'm not saying I'd never go into a school expecting to make a change, but I'd weigh that into my decision.

But I'm not saying that I would look at the two and pick the one that has the more impressive list.  I'd be looking at more subtle things.  For example, as a family whose kids qualify for financial aid, it worries that my kids' current private school's matriculation list includes very few state schools, and very few schools with reputations for generous merit aid.  I wonder if, given that we'll probably need to limit choices due to finances, if my kid will feel bad.  I wonder if his college counselor will have experience guiding kids through the financial aid process.  It clearly wasn't the only factor I took into account, because my kids are there, but it's a factor.  

Another thing that I look at as a parent of kid who is interested in a possible music degree is whether they've sent kids to conservatories.  Now, that's hard because the lists generally don't list the school, so they could have sent kids to Jacobs and it would just say IU, but you can get a clue.  

If I was looking at a religious school, I'd want to know what percentage of the kids were choosing schools of the same religious bent.  

And for my gifted kid, I do want the opportunity to shoot for the stars, so to speak, so a school that doesn't ever send any kids to the very top schools, might not be for him.  That doesn't mean I think he'll go there, or that it would be the right place for him, but it's a factor. 

Oh - I wouldn't be likely to move a super happy kid, but if your child is happy in a setting there's a really good chance it will be fine unless the whole thing was a mismatch from the get go.  We're in a neighborhood with kids that attend school at publics, charters, high end privates, open enroll to other districts, online, homeschool, etc.  Kids with engaged parents just tend to do well and end up where they need to be for college.  Data is good when making these decisions, I'd just be digging in more on the middle school scheduling, extracurriculars, GT enrichment, etc.

I have a different view of the college process being on the other side of it at least.  We really can't reasonably afford our EFC and my spouse is approaching retirement, we had to try for merit.  I think it's great when kids win the lottery to attend a school with lots of FA.  But there are great opportunities in lots of educational settings.  My kid is attending a top 15 public for about 1/2-1/3 of what it would have cost us to attend one of the high end privates he got into.  A first gen young woman who is attending the community college my daughter dual enrolls at is transferring to MIT in the fall.  There are really smart students lots of places that succed.  It's not coincidence that about 20% of the students of those top schools families of origin are the top 1% of wage earners at over 630K per year or that 70% of their student bodies are typically from the top 20% of wage earners.   Kids with engaged parents find their way though regardless.  

I totally get the music concerns since that is one of my oldest's degree and now my junior is threatening that path too.  So many conservatory programs are like applying to high end privates especially if you need money to make it work and if you're auditioning along a popular instrument/path.   I could drone on about that process all day.  I've also seen talented kids go to a unknown music school and end up at a higly competitive grad school, I think there are lots of great paths to success there too, I'm less worried about kid 2 though she is likely auditioning a more popular path.  

Anyway OP - sorry for the side conversation.  My kids were enigmas, I really felt like I had to take their educational decisions year by year at least up until high school age.  I just kept reminding myself if something wasn't a fit, we'd make a change later.  Good luck with your tours and decision making.

[kiwik]

On 3/8/2022 at 5:06 PM, bookbard said:

Great idea. Sounds cheaper and less stress. 20mins isn't that far. 

I would work really hard at making this happen providing it is permitted.  It may be cheaper to pay for someone to drive her than pay private school fees.  Or could you alter your work hours.